You CAN Teach an “Old Dog”….
Posted by John | Filed under How I'm Doing
L’s Story: My husband and I are in our mid to late 40’s, have been married 19 years and have struggled with our differing financial styles for our entire marriage. I have always paid the bills and fretted over money. He works long stressful hours and has used the mantras “I deserve it; I work hard for it” and “It’s my money; I earned it” in the past, to justify spending.
Early in our marriage we realized that we could not afford to start a family as if I stopped generating an income, we wouldn’t be able to pay our bills or debt (consumer debt/student loans/line of credit from university days) as we are self-employed in the health care sector. We eventually emigrated to the U.S. to earn a higher income, something I never would have considered if we hadn’t been in a poor financial state of affairs! It was stressful moving away from friends and family, but due to a substantial increase in our income, we paid off our debt in one year and managed to save some for retirement. After 4 years in the U.S., the opportunity came to return to Canada, albeit at a significantly lower income.
Once back in Canada (11 years ago) and three children later, we were back in debt. We were using the overdraft on our business account like income. I always paid off our VISA each month, but the overdraft amount on our business account kept getting larger and larger. I kept trying to track our spending using well known software, downloading financial statements and categorizing expenses, all the time pleading with my husband to cut back on spending. I wanted to set up a budget, but my husband could never find the time to discuss it. He would temporarily cut back, only to pick up spending again. I watched TDDUP for a while, but stopped as it upset me that we weren’t following a similar plan or budget. I hated the end of the month with a passion, feeling the tension in my shoulders rise as the date the Visa bill was due approached. Most of our regular arguments were related to finances.
Three years ago we had to get our bank to increase our overdraft limit by $15 000.00 as we were reaching the limit and I couldn’t pay off the VISA. I vowed I would never have to do that again, but almost one year ago, even that increased limit wasn’t enough! It looked like there wasn’t going to be enough head room left on the overdraft to pay off the Visa and I was stressed to the max. About that time my husband over heard the older kids complaining that they hadn’t had any allowance in a long time and my husband couldn’t understand why! I think I probably “let him have it” in a forceful way without the swearing and he agreed to a cash budget!! I was incredulous! Giddy with excitement…
Within 48 hours I had a preliminary budget worked out on a spreadsheet! I wanted to seize the opportunity while my husband was receptive to the idea. I was watching TDDUP again with a vengeance and had my husband watch some episodes of TDDUP to reinforce the principles. The major change was the budget and using cash for most of our regular purchases. I was rather skeptical and worried that my husband would not stick to the budget amounts, because it amounted to a HUGE change in his spending and lifestyle.
Well, 11 months later we are proof that it’s never too late to try! We use envelopes in a binder and I do a monthly analysis of our income and a “debt load snapshot” so he can see the “pain” is worth it. I have a scribbler that I use to calculate our biweekly cash draw, so that if something happens to go on the Visa, an amount of cash is not taken out so that the money is in the account to pay the Visa when it is due. I also use this scribbler to keep track of which denominations I need for our cash budget.
My husband did ask after the first few months how long this was going to last. I said we did it his way for almost 20 years, now it’s my turn to control the money for 20 years! We will be debt-free in a little over another year if we keep on track and I have every intention of doing so! It is such a wonderful feeling to be finally controlling our money, instead of having our money control us. We are proof that you CAN teach an “old dog” new tricks!
July 30, 2010 at 2:35 pm
Great work! Your husband will come around when he sees how much savings gets built up and how much debt goes down! My husband and I have been on a budget since last September. Among other savings, I’d been putting $25 each per month away in a TFSA, basically so we can show the bank that we’re saving. Well now the combined amount is $600 and i asked my husband what we should do with the money. After some contemplation, we decided not to touch it and save it for a baby fund! I very small baby fund indeed but I was incredulous to hear my husband not want to buy an ipad or go on a trip! lol. They do eventually come around. We have had a few heated disagreements over why we can’t buy him beef jerky but those have died down lately – especially when I buy him a lot for his b-day lol
July 31, 2010 at 8:37 am
Congratulations! It is so heartening to know that you were able to make the necessary changes and stick to it. You are extremely lucky. Pressure from being in debt constantly drains you and puts a lot of pressure on the marriage which it may or may not survive. I am so glad it is working out for you.
Congratulations and keep yp the good work.
August 6, 2010 at 8:05 am
Wonderful for you both! Congratulations.
August 9, 2010 at 11:25 am
You rock!!!
I bet the you are able to sleep better at night as well.
It’s amazing how one feels after making such an important life desicion.
Kudos and all the best!