Thinking Things Through
Posted by John | Filed under Thinking Things Through
Under these posts we’ll have an opportunity to share our thoughts about our journeys and our growth. These questions will make you think. You don’t have to answer right away. Noodle for a while and then come back and jot down your ideas. Or start your own notebook where you track your journey privately. I’m hoping this will help to bring clarity to those who are struggling with the question, “What do I really, really want?”
July 20, 2010 at 7:38 am
My house. I know that sounds silly, but my husband received a promotion at work and it involves a move to a new city. He started traveling to the new city in May, and we were planning (are planning) on moving over the summer after we sold our house. It’s a brand new house, in a great neighbourhood, and we didn’t think it would take very long to sell, but now it’s almost the end of July and we’re still waiting for it to sell. We have three children – two of whom will be in school in September (kindergarten and grade 7) in the new city, and one still in daycare. I have decided to make a huge career change that will start in September (with the support of my husband). Everything is ready to go…except that we still have a house to sell. So we can’t make a lot of plans for the summer or September because we’re not sure where things will be with the house, and that affects where we will be and what we can do. So we’re trying to be patient and understanding as the housing market seems to be off this year (according to realtors in our city); however, it is becoming hard. We just keep praying that the right person will come along soon and buy the house so that we can get started in our new city.
July 20, 2010 at 9:30 am
Immaturity.
I think that although I can think logically and have grown a lot, there’s still a bit of the four year old lying on the floor, stamping her feet and refusing to move.
July 20, 2010 at 11:16 am
Depression
Incredibly frustrating to be held down by mental illness. I used to have such great ambition, knew what I wanted out of life and lived it to it’s fullest. I want that back and am trying so hard to regain a positive perspective.
July 20, 2010 at 11:35 am
Fear of the Unknown
For some people it is easier to stay stuck than to move forward. Being stuck is familiar (albeit unproductive) and to take a leap into the unknown is a scary thing even though you probably logically know that it will better than where you are now.
July 20, 2010 at 11:47 am
Options. Being stuck in a corporate hell hole that sucks the energy out of me and has a capped salary. The alternative: an artistic endeavour with no guarantee, and that couldn’t pay the bills for years to come.
July 20, 2010 at 2:55 pm
Lack of dicipline, im having a hell of a time learning how to get it and just cant!! I am accuring a lot of debt but then there is having to go home for a wedding, expense of I WANT to go camping and do things this summa BOO for my lack of dicipline because Id be doing a lot more this summer if I had my crap together in january……and procrastination
July 20, 2010 at 3:26 pm
Depression
Reading these posts really helped me – I’m also stuck in a job that makes me cry going into work because I can’t bear it, triggering old depression that I thought I had gotten a handle on, wanting to get out but needing to stay to get a certain salary to work on my debt. It’s such a slow process it’s easy to get off track and today is probably the worst depression wise I’ve had in a while. reading other people’s thoughts has really helped me realise that I’m not alone and that I just have to keep trying my best. Thank you, espeically Erin, Keri and Sandra.
July 20, 2010 at 10:09 pm
Procrastination – I am a SAHM so I have lots to do, but keep putting things off. I have been wanting to paint various rooms in my house for a few years now – but keep making excuses why I’m not doing it (choosing colours, preparation, the kids are home, etc). Want to have some ambition to just DO IT – and not keep putting things off.
July 20, 2010 at 10:38 pm
My heart goes out to those who listed ‘depression’ as a major setback to attaining our financial freedom. I have experienced major depression which led me to overspend on items I didn’t necessarily need for the future, but were used to medicate the mood disorder. The emotional spending became out of hand, and I was well behind in paying my car bills, my rent, and did not even have enough money for groceries. It has been one year since my last episode, and it took me several months to figure out a financial plan for the next three years of my life.
I am in my mid 30’s, with a $33,000 student loan debt, a $6000 car loan, $900 credit card, and $1500 line of credit…all of which still need to be paid off. I devoted an entire weekend to create a spending and savings plan projected until the year 2014. I have actually been able to pay down the debts each month with money left over for miscellaneous spending. But it has not been an easy road.
Every so often, the depression resurfaces, and I caught myself spending money on momentary happiness (food, clothes, shoes, movies, etc). It was like a rush of adrenalin. I have faltered about two times with over-spending, so I always try to remind myself and look at my financial plan every week to inspire me again, and to push forward towards completing my goals.
It is true….depression can immobilize your attempt to go forward. But, it is not impossible. Despite having depression, I think it’s wise to take advantage of the periods when you are ‘well’, and to refocus on your financial goals. Start again if you have to. Remind yourself how far you’ve come. And get support from others who can help steer you back to a sense of balance. It can be done. There is hope.
July 20, 2010 at 10:52 pm
Myself
I am currently out of work (my contract ended). I knew my contract would not be renewed but still self sabotaged by not saving anything. I literally mean nothing, not a red cent. So with no savings and only the bare minimum coming in from EI you’d think i’d be spending hours a day looking for a new job (i’m highly employable) but nope, I spend the day drinking coffee and watching TV that will teach me how to renovate my home…oh wait I don’t own my home. I don’t own my home because I have NEVER saved a cent and my credit score is 630. My credit score is 630 because I buy crap instead of paying my bills. I think about how much money I have spent on crap in my working life and I want to throw up. I recently bought Gail’s new book and started working my way through it. I learnt a few hard truths, one of them is I spend 360 on coffee a month! $360 on coffee! ON COFFEE!!!! not groceries, not electricity that’s my coffee budget and I wonder why I am penniless.
So while i’m not working I am taking stock of my life and what I really want and how i’m going to get there. What i’ve figured out is I need to start living my life differently, I need my actions to start lining up with my intentions. I need to suck it up and bust my butt and addressing the consequences of my decisions so in 18 months I can say I am debt free and hopefully my credit score will be a little higher too.
July 21, 2010 at 3:02 am
Procrastination
I am very bad at thinking of things I ought to do, putting them off, and then feeling guilty about it. The guilt is the killer part. Maybe guilt is my real problem.
I do have a coping strategy to get past the procrastination. First, I make a list of all those things (they are usually longer term, important but not urgent tasks, like organizing photos or purging the closet of no longer worn clothing). I break down each task into smaller tasks (i.e. find the photos, buy an album, look through the photos and discard crappy ones, sort photos by date, put photos in album) and beside each task I make a note of who could help me with it (e.g. the DH would not like arranging photos in an album, but would enjoy helping select which ones to put in and trying to remember when/where they were taken). Then I just do them, one at a time.
I’ve heard of people following this method who put each sub-task on an index card, and sort the cards by priority. Then when they have time (or some people even at a scheduled time every day, like 8pm on weeknights), they can just take the first index card out of the pile, and start working on it. I think if you’re going to do it like that, you need to break the tasks down into sub-tasks that will take less than say 30 or 60 minutes.
For example, @Brenda, you might make a set of cards that say: 1. choose a general colour for the bedroom; 2. go to paint shop and get a set of sample cards in that colour; 3. choose a shade from those samples; 4. buy paint and brushes/accessories; 5. round up some helpers; 6. schedule a day for painting the bedroom and work out how long it will take to move furniture out. Then you just paint on the day scheduled, and do it all over again for the next room.
I am not always good at following my own advice, but when I do, it is a big weight off my mind. I have recently managed to get through 2 of the last 3 years of photo backlog, making those cool photo books you can order online. They are brilliant. I’m keeping a virtual sticky note on my computer with a list entitled “things I am putting off doing”. It’s getting smaller week by week, and the guilt is going too. So maybe procrastination isn’t holding me back too much right now after all, although I know I am putting off a lot of household tasks until we move in 6 weeks because there’s no point in doing them till shortly before that. Eeek! SIX weeks? Uh oh ….
July 21, 2010 at 1:10 pm
Sandra, I don’t know if this will work for you – but I met a woman at work who is an artist (painter I think?). She told me that works on call in temporary admin. contracts with us when she needs to (financially I guess), and otherwise works at her art business. I work for a large organization where they have a temp pool of admin. workers who get called in for short term contracts when someone is sick or extra help is needed etc. I think many of the municipal governments, universities, colleges etc have something similar – they are usually called Auxillary Pools. They call people in for work and they can either say ‘yes’ or ‘no’. (Granted, I don’t know if they stop calling if they say ‘no’ too many times). Our organization is large, so I think most people can work most days if they want to.
As I said, I don’t know your situation so I don’t know if this would work for you- but I thought it was interesting.
July 21, 2010 at 4:41 pm
“The Merry-Go-Round”
When you are a kid the Merry-Go-Round is one of the best rides you could get on. All the bright lights, the music, and the beautiful horses you could choose to sit on. While you spin around and around you kept trying to watch for your Mom or Dad as everything else span past. I loved the excitement of letting go. Letting your senses take over.
Now… That feeling scares me to no end! My Merry-Go-Round is not filled with pretty horses or bright lights…. It’s filled with fears of the unknown, change and failure. My ride consists of procrastination, low self-esteem, depression and anxiety. It just keeps going round and round feeding off each other. I’ve become an endless rider on this Merry-Go-Round watching life spin by me because I’m to scared to jump off and get on another one with brighter lights, beautiful colours and full of fun. How do I stop it? I honestly don’t know.
Desperate for a new ride….. But too afraid to get off. This is what holds me back.
July 21, 2010 at 10:59 pm
Not knowing what to do.
I can’t make our balance budget without me pulling an OT shift every pay period (which is exhausting and sucks my soul), and my fiance won’t get a PT job (she’s a student) because she says she’s too stressed out as it is. We fight about this. And now she doesn’t want to add a 5th person into our house to make our rent SUPER low, because she’d rather be in debt and sane then debt-free and insane. We both have busy stressful lives, but I go back to school in September, and while I still get paid, I lose my shift differential (in 4 months that will be approx $3000) and have no opportunity to pick up OT.
So I’m carrying our entire financial burden… our budget was too unrealistic last week and we totally blew it, and now everything is in the red.
I’m also procrastinating on selling my much beloved motorcycle (also my main means of transportation for getting to work on days where the transit system does not run early enough for me!), which would almost pay off all of my debt…
July 27, 2010 at 11:17 am
My kids/husband… but not in a bad way..:)
So for now my kids keep me in a job that I love but wish was just a bit more while telling myself that time spent with my kids will never be something I regret…
I have been at my current job for 9 years now. I love my job but I have pretty much went as far with my company as I can..the writing is on the wall and I see it clearly.. my boss has been great at finding creative ways to offer me more to entice me to stay. Things like flex hours so I can take the kids to school, workingl from home when kids are sick, that kind of thing. So while I want something more career wise I am VERY hesitant to leave what I have because my set up now allows me balance (ok attempt ) my work and family life. Its hard sometimes to watch other people climb the corporate ladder and enjoy all the trappings that come with a bigger salary but my husband and I try really hard to remind ourselves that so often with the big career comes the HUGE committment.. for those ladder climbers with a families something has to give. I find myself envying the SAHM who has a cleaning lady and spends her days lunching with friends until I remeber that I have never even seen her husband at hockey/soccer/baseball games because he is always working or travelling for work. 95% of the time my husband picks the kids up from school and they are busy playing when I get home about an hour later.. Sometimes it’s just hard to remember that our lives are so much richer because we are giving our kids our time instead of a bigger house or fancier vacation
I think sometimes my generation (I am 35) is in such a hurry to have it all – all at once – I sat back and thought the other day about how many more years I have to work -30years most likely!!! Not sure why I feel I have to have the dream career right now!!! Worried I will miss the boat I guess..
August 10, 2010 at 8:00 am
Honestly, I think my husband is holding me back right now; he’s not on board with ‘budgeting’ or living out of jars — cash he can handle, but doesn’t feel like he needs to write down where the $’s go, so we seem to be ‘blowing’ a lot of money, making it hard to account where our money goes… his attitude is “the money’s there, we’re not in debt (except car loans and mortgage), so what difference does it make?”, plus we both have retirement plans, and have systems in place for contributing to RRSP’s and RESP’s… I think we can do better… we’re spending, on average, $2000/month in cash, plus $800 in groceries, and $650 in gas/repairs…
so where IS the cash going??? Seems to me that could really help get rid of a car loan or mortgage faster than the anticipated 3 years…
I also have a problem saying no to my children — I do say no a lot, but every once in a while, I cave, then feel just as guilty for saying yes, as I do to saying no.
August 10, 2010 at 10:26 am
I recognize that the only thing or person that has ever limited me is myself. Right now I’m dealing with my debt and trying to determine the best career path… and learning to say no to the people that always seem to have their hands in my pocket. No more free ride express from this girl – my own debt comes first!
August 13, 2010 at 2:10 am
I think that time, particularly time spent dealing with anxiety issues is the biggest thing blocking me from doing stuff right now. There are so many things that I want to do, but so little time to do them in. I work full-time, but I also try to maintain a blog (I end up going in spurts of a few posts at once and then nothing for weeks), read linguistics books, read novels, keep up with a book club, keep my finances organized, have a social life, work on personal projects, and random other things. There simply isn’t enough time in the weeks to do everything that I want to do.
August 26, 2010 at 10:33 am
Me. There are days I can’t get out of my own way.