Dani’s Story: A wise investment of both heart and money.
Posted by John | Filed under My Best Strategy
I started watching TTDUP a few months ago and it terrified me to see what people get them selves into. I’ve never had an issue with debt, but my fiancé has had his share of issues. He’s currently in a sizeable amount of debt, and it’s prevented us from buying a house, or even looking.
We both still live at home. I moved back home to save up money for a down payment, and he moved home to cuts costs and pay off his debt. I pay rent (though far less than what I’d be paying for an apartment) and help out around the house, and I do have a full-time Monday to Friday job, so I’m away most of the day. I’ve discussed the situation with my Dad, because I was starting to feel a bit like a sponge, and he told me I would be stupid to move out and throw my money into rent when they have no problem with me living at home. Both of my younger siblings have moved out, and I’m the last of four children still living at home, but I try to suck up my pride and remember that I will own a house in the near future. My fiancé was out of work for four months but has started working again, but he’s now four months behind in loan payments.
Because of all of your advice, I decided that it would be best to keep our finances separate until he’s out of debt. It means no house, and no shared purchases, but we agreed that we need to start our marriage with a clean slate, as it were.
It’s difficult at times, and sometimes I want to tell him that I’ll just pay off his debt so that we can move forward, but then I think of everything I’ve learned from your show and this site about debt, and I do not want to be involved in that.
The next step is to sit down with him and work out a budget, because he does like to spend money, and he seems to think that because he doesn’t pay rent or expenses, he has extra spending money. He loves to treat people, and while I think it’s wonderful, it’s also increasing the time it will take for him to get out of debt, and for us to start our life together.
I just wanted to thank you for helping me keep a clear head about all of this, and look at things responsibly. Even though it will take some time, I think that in the long-run, we’re going to be much better off.
July 16, 2010 at 7:01 am
Good thinking on your part to not take on his debt.
July 17, 2010 at 12:17 pm
Dani, what a great job you are doing at keeping your heart out of your boyfriend’s debt. It is such a hard thing to do…have you told him that? Because sometimes when a person who has not been taught how to budget thinks that they are the only one ‘hurting’ by being in debt. I hope you have told him the effect his spending has on you. Hang in there sweetheart!
July 20, 2010 at 11:24 am
I was in debt when I met my husband…but that was school debt, lived on my own, car…meanwhile he lived at home and his parent’s paid his tuition etc. I know he didn’t help me pay off my debt directly…but indirectly he did. I moved in with his family, directed all my cash to pay off my student line of credit, meanwhile he used my car, cancelled his cell phone, paid for our entertainment, and saved for a downpayment on our home.
If you work together even while keeping your finances seperate you can grow closer and it is easier to attain your goals. It builds trust and more accountability if you have each other to be responsible for. Just a different perspective…but make sure you keep your finances seperate in case that trust is broken…you don’t want to be financially ruined too.
Good luck!