Wow, what a site! I have been glued to my computer screen for a few days now, and every time I think I have read everything, I find another link to more stories/blogs. So, I thought I would share my story and maybe give readers a few things to think about.
At 51, I am finally hopeful that I can turn things around and be more secure with my future. About dam time, right? I too have a Student Loan Monkey on my back, having returned to school at 46, with two of my three children still at home. Reader’s Digest Condensed version of my history includes a wayward, midlife crisis-experiencing former husband, an 800 mile move back to my home community, a self-esteem crash and burn (I identified myself as a wife and SAHM), a short-lived attempt at employment (last hired, first laid off in downsizing), a government “handout” to start a home-based business using my sewing skills (still owe for that venture), a debilitating injury which killed that idea, another short-lived stint at employment, followed by an almost fatal bout of Viral Meningitis! (Almost the best thing that ever happened to me, but that is another book). Luckily, I had been employed long enough to qualify for EI, and the necessary assistance to figure out what to do next, after recuperating.
A Career Analysis course confirmed that I was not a dummy, and could follow a gazillion career choices – just pick one! Teaching was one choice, but I did not want to go back to school for four years. Next came administrative/ accounting type choices. My city has a post-secondary college offering just such training, and I became a student, with classmates the same age as my two oldest sons!! More often than not, I was confused with the instructors!! The government covered my tuition and books for the first two years. The loan was for basics like living expenses. I was surprised that I even was approved for a Student Loan, considering my past history during our “poor” period. Not once did I consider the implications of getting that thing paid off. The sad part was that with poor health, and a disability that required twice-weekly 100 mile round trip therapy sessions (yes, even while attending school), I was never able to find employment for the four month summer break, so had to survive on the crumbs of the system, usually less than $800/month. After four months of being in arrears on everything, the next student loan lump sum payment went to catch up. Then the whole cycle started again, because some of that lump was to be spread out through the year! Like peanut butter, if you spread it thin, it will cover the edges, but doesn’t taste like much!
While at school, I decided to enroll for a third year, fully covered by Student Loans, combining classes and earning three diplomas! So much for not spending too much time in school. Think three two-year programs in three years… I was extremely proud of myself at my age, maintaining an 82% average over 3 years (can we take out the computer class?) while suffering the loss of my father, winning five scholarships (although not huge amounts) while singlehandedly raising two teenage sons.
Sadly, after graduation, I discovered that our small community was not the place to be living with those credentials, and with one son still in high school, I was determined not to move, nor would I commute 100 miles a day for work with a recent roll-over accident as a deterrent. I am not going to say that age discrimination might have had a part here… My sons and I lived frugally as a matter of course, no vehicle, no smoking, no drinking, no cable/internet, sometimes no phone! Clothes came from the Salvation Army usually. I was not too proud to use the Food Bank. I cut the boys’ hair, and had mine done at the local Hair Academy maybe twice a year (still do, $8/haircut!). All Xmas and birthday presents were handmade, still are. And very few, if any take-out type meals! Pizza two or three times a year made the occasion all the more special.
Anyhow, six months after graduation, I still was not working, and getting desperate. My landlord was very tolerant, taking whatever I could pay, but I owed him LOTS! During all this, that debilitating injury was going through the legal system, damages pending in a settlement (the only thing saving us from eviction) – but being Canadian, we can only receive medical expenses, lost wages (if you can prove them – remember –’self-employed’), etc. Very long story short, I went to a career fair for our local Casino. I had been the recipient, two years in a row, of the Gaming Corporation’s scholarship, so thought that I was a shoe-in for employment, thinking HR Department, Here I Come! Not so fast, you have to start at the bottom they say, apply internally for the choice jobs; think lounge server, customer service or dealer. Playing cards is a family past-time; the hours suited my night owl nature, and the government benefits were great – so, off I went for training. The rest, as they say, is history.
Or just the beginning. Starting as a part-timer, you were not guaranteed hours, so accepting shifts and working sometimes 23 days in a row was not unheard of. I was so grateful for a paycheque I never turned down anything. I grabbed at training opportunities, and advanced to the highest Dealer level within three months. My first year there, three months worth, earned me almost half of what some of our previous years’ ‘gross’ income had been – our worst year was $8,129 (1999) GROSS. And we survived. After more than two years, I am now full time, guaranteed hours, along with the increased benefits earned. I applied for any and all office type jobs internally as they came up, sometimes got an interview, always got told my ‘experience’ was not current – remember SAHM for over 14 years, then school, etc. If I returned to school for Adult Education, or Payroll administration, maybe….. Still no way to get those years of experience, though.
During the past two years, our lives have changed for the better. Really? Then why am I still broke? I paid cash for a used vehicle with my first paycheque. We have cable, internet, eat out – lots – even if it is McD’s, son has Xbox (he went without right along with me, he deserves it), and more stuff than we know what to do with. After my first full fiscal year, to the tune of $36,000 (union contract arrears included here), my youngest son made a startling discovery. We were rich, in our eyes, but still had the problem of late payments on utilities, and living paycheque to paycheque! I pointed out that we now had the luxuries of cable, internet, cell phone, ate out; took trips, he was in martial arts class, with the subsequent uniform, and mokkum, etc.
I never woke up to the fact that, even without credit cards, we were living beyond our means. During that first full year, my legal settlement came through, although it was more a band-aid than five years lost wages and medical expenses. Think maybe, possibly stretch it and it COULD be 1/3 of current wage. Oh, and because it was medical, I had to pay the province back for any treatment I received out of that amount, oh, and the lawyer got 30%!!
Regardless, I was able to get a better used vehicle, sold the first one, needed mechanical work on it, paid up rental/utility arrears, (the job had kept me current, but had not made a dent in what I owed B4 job) and went on a short road trip/holiday; and before I knew it, it was gone!!
Being paid biweekly meant rent came out of one cheque, and not usually on the 1st, and everything else came out of the next one. IF there was anything left over, it was considered bonus money, not something to use to pay off debt. If we came across something we really thought we needed – like that spin saw kit on sale for less than half it’s ‘regular’ price, and son really likes working with tools, sometimes it was bought before bills were paid. How could someone so SMART be so dumb, you ask? Think, I Deserve It mentality, I work hard, have no ‘bad’ habits, so buying this ‘on sale’ $5 sweater in three different colors is my due. I looked at my co-workers, driving nicer vehicles, young singles buying homes, for a while one a month!, and so many of them smokers to boot!! How could they do it? I realize now that every one of them is in hock to their eyeballs, and I feel for them.
A recent “Shoe” comic strip had someone interviewing an older fellow – “you’re going to be 96 soon, is there anything you want to do before you die? “Yes, I would like to pay off my Student Loan.” I busted out laughing in the staff room, and then I wanted to cry. That’s me!!! The strip is on my fridge. After three days on Gail’s site, I can now look to the future with hope. I may get that debt out of my grey hair before the first Old Age Pension cheque comes after all! Here are some of the things I have done/am in the process of doing, to get on track.
1. My landlord put ‘our’ house up for sale, so I moved into a smaller home, with all utilities included, saving myself $200/month. It is also closer to work, so I generally walk to work, and take advantage of the ‘free’ cab ride home, or the generosity of co-workers. I did have to rent a storage locker to stuff the ’stuff’ a three bedroom, two storey house with a basement can hold that a two bedroom suite can’t, and that I couldn’t downsize (yet) but that will soon be emptied with trips to mom’s farm (empty barn). You would not believe what I did manage to cull! $70/month savings coming up.
2. While I don’t smoke (quit 24 years ago), have never had a cup of coffee in my life, and only have maybe 3- 4 alcoholic drinks a year, I am a devoted addict to Diet Dr. Pepper (no calories!, all my caffeine and chemicals in one place). I just realized that my minimum three cases a week habit is costing me over $1,000 a year!!! Yikes, not to mention what it is doing to my health!! I quit for two short periods this year, but am more determined than ever to quit b4 the year is out. If I can quit smoking, I can do this!
3. I used the Interactive Budget to map out a plan. I converted ALL the monthly expenses to my biweekly pay schedule. I then mapped out my pay dates for the next year, with the in/out of my rental amount as a test. Unfortunately, without starting out this ‘account’ with the designated allotment first, I would be in the hole for most of the year. So, that will take some juggling, as I am sure that most of the individual amounts will be in the same boat, but it can and will be done. More juggling will have to be done to ensure that items requiring 12 months ‘payments’ in 6 – 7 months time will have the desired amounts in their ‘account’. By tracking every single penny that leaves my hands, I hope to conquer my current wastefulness. I will be contacting most recent creditors to work out payment plans, instead of sticking my head in the sand. Anyone have advice on what to do with a six year old credit card debt that has gone to numerous agencies for collection??
4. I intend to set up automatic savings withdrawals to coincide with my pay dates, and work on building an emergency fund. A year ago, after my son pointed out that we were still broke even with me making so much money, I started CSB plans for both of us. I will admit that I went a little extreme with the amount of my deposit ($220/pp) and eventually cut some of that out, but my son’s Bond, at $20/pp has turned into over $500! And I didn’t even miss it! I now have a planned process, where I can tackle my Student Loan, AND put some aside for the future van repairs I am fearing necessary. Any thoughts on whether CSB’s are more beneficial than a savings account at my regular bank? I am thinking accountability to the Credit Reporting Agencies (regular deposits??) vs Savings only your employer and CSB knows about. I also have a habit of emptying all change smaller than a loonie into an old water jug, a visual reminder to save, and that every cent counts. I am going to roll that monthly into an extra debt payment somewhere. I had planned to fill the sucker full, but at five gallons, would never be able to lift it to dump!!
5. I am canceling Cable, and Cell Phone. I don’t even know how to use the Cell phone, except for basic calls! We originally got it for emergencies while on our first ever road trip out of province in our new life, and part of my settlement went to pay the $500 deposit I had to put down due to my poor credit history. I still have more than a year on the contract, and was not told that in order to get MY $500 back, I would have to make six months of consecutive ‘on time’ payments – before the next month’s bill is printed! Miss once, and the six months starts all over again!!! I expect that I will lose most of my deposit to get out of the contract, but will still save half of what the phone will cost long term. Cable – well, how many channels can one watch anyway??? I work ten hour shifts, 4 – 2 am, or 5 – 3, so what is really on while I am awake??? Days off don’t usually involve TV; working with my horse or sewing are my day off activities. I just found another $1,200/year that can go into savings – or $100 month to Student Loan. No time like the present, just called cell phone provider – will cost $190 to get out of contract, and can still use phone with prepaid cards!!! AND, they will pay interest on my deposit – very little, but hey, good enough!!! Yippee!! That is where the $300 start up deposit into the rent “account” will come from. Wow, on a roll, just called and cancelled cable – how freeing a feeling is that??
6. I have always sewn/crafted/baked as a means of supporting my family when my former hubby ran away from home, (and even when he was there, actually). 24 hour baking sprees for the local Farmer’s Market were too hard on my system, so gave that up, but it was a necessary means of income during my school years. Most of my ’stuff’ fits in the category of supplies for this minimal income hobby. I have to say that when things always looked bleakest, someone would need pants shortened, or a coat recycled into a teddy bear, which bought milk, or paid the phone bill, etc, as needed. Attending craft sales was the norm, and sometimes quite expensive, (think Regina Agribition – 10 days cost me $1,000 to be there. Broke even, but no profit there, only did it once, in my ‘business’ persona). I know I will never stop creating, or selling my creations, but am going to do it properly. No more dipping into ‘family’ finances to buy supplies, or pay for craft booths. No more using proceeds from the sales to put back in family finances, instead of replacing supplies, and the vicious cycle starts again. I have enough product on hand to hopefully sell (out of my home) to create next year’s buffer for table rentals. Tracking every penny I spend will hopefully keep me honest with myself in this endeavor.
7. Sadly, the advice of an ‘outsider’ (Gail) has finally made me see the wisdom my mother has been trying to cram down my throat most of my life. She raised five children on a limited budget, (farmers) and we never went without, at least not anything important. I can remember the awesome Hallowe’en party she threw once – another book! We each got to have one friend overnight, and after that, EVERYONE wanted to be on the list to come to mom’s next party. Creativity, humbleness, and frugality are all traits my mother has tried to pass on. How sad that the five of us have gotten “too big for our britches” what with regular paycheques and all. She started a habit of recording every penny spent/earned (learned from her father) with her first job, in a little notebook, which she transfers to her binder at home. She can show anyone the difference in gas costs through the years, for example, and how much she spent at garage sales in 1998. When I told her what I was doing, and allocating so much to the different categories, she told me to keep track first of all expenditures for at least a month. How do I know that $100/month for gas is what I really spend/need? Do I need to spend that much on food, when I have a pantry full? Another suggestion has me heading back to my interactive budget page for revamping. I share tips with co-workers, which is put on our paycheques in order to calculate/pay the government’s portion. Some paydays are better than others, but almost all my tips balance out my usual government deductions. Mom suggests that I take those tips and bank them, using my basic wage as my income. What a smart mom I have! Another painless way to add to my emergency fund. A long ago acquaintance had a life-altering layoff, from highly paid, with an expense account, to manual labour for minimum wage. According to him, it was the best thing that ever happened to him. Luckily for him, his wife still had a good job, and no kids to care for. He started looking at that night out with the boys in terms of how many hours he had to work to pay for it! I do that now, a lot, especially my occasional nights out to go play ‘free’ poker at the local bars. While I don’t drink, I WAS guilty of throwing $5, 10, even 20 into the VLT with everyone else, then discovering that what cost me an hour to make could be gone in less than ten minutes! “Stupid Tax” is a correct term for these machines, and shame on our government for continuing to use them for revenue. I know, coming from a casino employee, who am I to talk. In all fairness, over 50% of profits go back into the local community for social development plans.
On a last note, son #3 turns 18 in a week, and has already left the nest. I am now free to leave the community to pursue my chosen career if I so choose. Or write the book I have always dreamed of writing – does this count? Current developments have me considering keeping this suite as a home base, and going up north to make the BIG bucks, at least for a while. I need to decide, soon, if I have past the point where home-ownership is no longer a sensible option, considering my age, single status, and disabilities. If anything, an acreage would be my dream, considering my ‘pet’ is a two year old Arabian filly (got her for free – another story); board is cheaper than keeping her at mom’s farm, considering I pay equivalent to a tank of gas, and she is only 10K from my door. Mom is 150 miles away, round trip. I am disheartened to see how many people view a casino as a form of income, rather than a form of entertainment. Do they really think Vegas pays for all those lights by letting people win huge amounts of money on a regular basis??? GET REAL!!! I do not stack the deck, or step on a button to stop the Roulette ball. I don’t think it is some stranger’s place to ask me if I am married just because I am stationed at the same table he is sitting at. Maybe I am just getting cranky in my menopausal years, but my personal life is nobody’s business, and my professional life is just that - professional. This job also puts me in contact with the WRONG type of men for any future relationships, has put me in physical danger from one intoxicated guest, (currently banned for two years, but the reason I no longer walk home after work) and subjects all of us to verbal abuse at least weekly. To which we have to remain professional and patient!! Time for a career change, I am thinking, since I can’t win the lottery. Yes, I am one of those silly people who faithfully buy my ‘lucky’ lottery ticket, using the same numbers for the past 10+ years. Guess what? They obviously aren’t that friggin lucky!!!!! I don’t even want to calculate how much I have wasted. But over 10 years, $7,000+ would not be a stretch. Gail Smack rightly deserved, right in the middle of my forehead. My mom will give it to me, Gail, no worries.
I am excited about the future, and hope to convert my siblings’ lives for the better, once I can prove to them that this works. Half of them have declared bankruptcy at least twice, for no good reason other than living beyond their means (for one thing, they all smoke!) I don’t expect to see this missile printed, but you know what??? It feels SOOOOO good to just get it all out. I plan on giving my mom a copy, and thanking her for all her sacrifices throughout the years. Really, where DID she come up with the money for not one, but two High School grad dresses (required short and long)??? Fortrel or not, they totaled $55.00 in 1975 (I still remember), a fortune in my eyes, now, for her back then. And thank you Gail, for reminding me that I come from thrifty stock who did NOT buy anything they could not, or did not save for. My grandma saved all her quarters to buy our family our first bike. Try sharing that with five kids!! Thank you, thank you, and thank you!!! AND, statistically proven health wise, we should be getting/giving something like 29 hugs per day. So here are a few to reach both our daily quotas.
Suzanne
P.S. How does almost dying qualify as one of the best things that ever happened to me? It made me prioritize my life into what is important, and what is not. “Busy-ness” does not equate to productiveness, cable and internet does not promote family togetherness, plowing blindly ahead is just plain stupid, and does nothing to teach our offspring good values, or common sense. And here is where my youngest would say “If sense were common, everyone would have it”!! Instant gratification leaves a trail of guilt, remorse, and self-disgust more often than not. Nine days in a hospital bed, hoping I could walk and talk again, gave me plenty of time to realize that we MUST slow down, stop and smell the roses, kiss our kids, ask your significant other how their day went. Nine days on the Neurological Ward made me realize that my illness was nothing compared to the man next door with nine kids, who had lost most of his brain function, and was technically younger than his toddler, needing to be fed and clothed by his loving wife. Nine days is a long time to make all kinds of promises to God that you WILL prove you deserve this second chance at life. And, nine days is a long time to realize that your previous life has left you in a bind that will take years to get through. A safety cushion back then would have been such a great thing to have. Shame on me for not using every opportunity to take care of that oversight sooner. I have poor balance now, sometimes I fall going UP the stairs! I lost most of my long-term memory functions up until that November night six years ago, but maybe some of that was meant to go away. I type, write, and sometimes speak complete words totally backwards (which is why this is taking me forever), and has given my sons giggle fits.
I consider myself lucky. You can’t go back, you can only go forward from where you are today, right now, and make things better from there. As a “mature” student, most of my instructors knew my situation, from poor choices in husbands (yes, there were two), to the injury, and then the Meningitis. They marveled at my tenacity, my organizational skills which allowed me to run home between classes and punch down the bread rising for the next day’s market, tutor other students, travel for physio-therapy twice a week, maintain my grade level, volunteer for various programs, AND raise teenagers, all while trying to be a role model and mentor to my fellow students, AND be in good spirits, most of the time. My motto was “Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. These are the traits that helped me win five scholarships. I am ashamed that that marvelously ‘together’ person I just described got selfish with her earnings and fell into the “I have been without for so long, I deserve it” mentality. I hope that I can prove that no matter what your age, or situation, you CAN do something about it. I can’t wait to get my next paycheque – I know EXACTLY what I am going to do with it!