Under Pressure
Posted by Arianne | Filed under Arianne
I promised my friend I would lead today’s post with his comment to Gail: Please fix Toronto’s budget because our mayor isn’t so good with things like math.
I can’t say I haven’t thought the same thing a few times in my head! On to Thursday business:
As adults we’re still subjected to peer pressure, office cliques and simply trying to fit in. Luckily enough, I exude a pheromone that’s exempted me from ever falling into the perils a lot of people can’t avoid. In my youth, I was never surrounded and forced to take a puff of a cigarette to be a part of the ‘in crowd.’ I don’t recall being associated with any cliques. I wouldn’t call myself a ‘social butterfly’ either but I’m pretty sure I was friends with someone from every group of stereotypes in my school: AV Club, jocks, the student council, the teacher (still in touch with one of the ones who changed my life), the popular girls, the nerds, the foreign students, the younger kids, etc. If you were a nice person, then I didn’t see a reason why I couldn’t be friends with you.
Growing up priorities and responsibilities change but the pressure from your Grup friends and work colleagues are probably even stronger. You want to keep up appearances and you find yourself saying yes to those lunches even when you brought a perfectly good lunch from home. You will meet up at the bar for some drinks, snacks and gossip. It’s an expense you really can’t afford. In work situations, you don’t want to look like you’re not a team player and with friends you don’t want to deny yourself the fun of catching up – I mean, what are a couple of drinks, right? A lot of us spend the majority of our time at work, we’re forced to be somewhat social with the people we see every day. Many lasting friendships, sometimes more (Hey Angelina and Brad!), come out of working closely with these people day in and day out.
I don’t know what it is about me but it’s never bothered me to say ‘no’ to anyone about anything. If I don’t want to do it, I’m not going to. But a lot of people don’t have it that easy. Depending on your career and the industry you’re in, you have to schmooze and rub elbows and almost, perform from time to time or else people lose respect. Some people just don’t get it. You have to take cabs from across the city, you can’t wear the same thing twice to a function. I mean…what if you’re seen in another black dress?!?!!! Sacre bleu! The point is – sometimes you just have to look at what is important to you. No, going for a street meat run with some peeps from the office won’t derail your savings journey but then where do you draw the line? Happy hour drinks at the local pub? Going to a show to blow off some steam? That was so fun yesterday, let’s do something else today…and so on and so on.
You need to set your rules to live by. They don’t have to last forever, but guidelines helped me SO MUCH in getting to a healthier financial state of affairs. I knew what I needed to do, we all know what we need to do, it’s simply a matter of putting ourselves into action and dealing with the consequences. Here’s a suggestion: make it a team effort if you’re truly worried about what your peers may think.Coordinate a group potluck lunch where everyone is responsible to bring one dish to the office. You can still have the time away from your desk. It doesn’t take much to tweak bad habits, I am no Saint Savings! I’m finding as long as you acknowledge your missteps and get back on track, there’s no reason to feel guilty.
So let me know how you deal with the pressures of fitting in with your friends/peers? What tips do you have for those who feel that keeping up appearances is worth digging themselves deeper in debt?
A single gal who just turned thirty and a first-time home buyer, Arianne is trying to defeat the monstrous debt she accumulated in her twenties. “That debt is the result of my biggest and most dangerous vice: Shopping” says Arianne.
May 17, 2012 at 12:45 pm
I work in Live Theatre. There are always people going out for drinks after a show or even after rehearsal. There are opening night parties and season launches. I love going out with the cast/crew. These people come in and out of my life very quickly and a lot of them are really interesting and I want to hear their stories. So I have learned that going out for drinks doesn’t mean I have to drink. I get water or pop, depending on the bar pop is free. If I am really hungry I get the cheapest thing on the menu or try to split something with someone. I have had people ask, your not drinking? and I answer with no I have to drive home and I am watching my pennies. I also have kids so I remind people I have to get up early the next morning and they nod in understanding. I go out a lot but I just make sure to not spend while I am out. Now this sometimes means leaving all my plastics at home and just bringing a tiny bit of cash if I know I am having a bad week. And I have also learned that making my own wine or buying a $10 on in advance of openings and having a bottle at the theatre is a good idea.
May 17, 2012 at 3:32 pm
I hate, hate, hate the never ending “office collection”. I work in an office of over 80 people. There’s always a birthday, shower, retirement, etc going on. At the going rate of $5-10 per occassion, this adds up. ..
May 17, 2012 at 6:11 pm
For me, it’s about finances but not all the time. I feel less worthy somehow and envious (damn green monster!) when I am around the people I work with – especially when they talk about their cleaning ladies or vacations. We all make the same amount of money so how come I can’t afford a cleaning lady? Or go on vacations? Most have spouses who make more money than mine for one but I wouldn’t trade mine in for the world! I know eventually it’ll get easier for us financially, but it’s hard when you want things others can afford and you can’t.
Your topic touches a nerve with me this week since I am trying to do the opposite (NOT socialize). I figure I see people at work all week – more than I see my kids through the day – so the last thing I want is to spend more time with them and less with my family. But when they want to socialize outside of work, I look like an anti-social b@!?h if I say I can’t. It’s the kind of job too where you really need to be a team player so I feel like I can’t say no and I don’t want to look rude but it really irks me. I don’t want to be questionned about why I can’t go out and make excuses, I would rather say “I’m sorry I can’t make it” and have it left at that.
As for my friends, the ones who are closest to me in my life are either good with money or else they have learned some hard money lessons so they completely understand and I don’t need to put on airs with them. Usually when I get together with them it’s at someone’s house or at a park so it doesn’t cost a lot – we just enjoy spending time together. I’m fortunate that way!