My Present Cupboard…Foiled!
Posted by Beckie | Filed under Beckie
At some point in a person’s young life, the birthday party circuit starts. Most people love birthday parties: play, cake and for the kiddies… receiving the oh-so-exciting “loot bag”.
I like to think that I’m a smart cookie with a designated present cupboard located in a secret spot. Throughout the year I purchase items for birthday party gifts, special occasions etc. and once a year in December we donate a few toys to one of the holiday drop boxes. I buy generic items that most kids will like (including my own) such as building blocks or books, but the purchases are only made when I see them for a really good price.
I find the best things when I’m not specifically looking for them. Of course when I am trying to track down something specific I have the hardest time finding anything that meets my goals (the right item at the right price) e.g. looking for a child’s bathing suit in November can be really hard and may involve looooong walks through malls, checking in all of the children’s stores and some begging…er…I mean pleading for sales associates to check their storage rooms.
Here comes the “foiled” part….A couple of years ago, I first encountered a party invite that was a big shocker. It was from a company where you do an online RSVP, and instead of attending the party with a gift you give a “contribution” with your credit card. After the company takes a cut, the birthday child uses half of the money for a gift of their choice, and the other half for a charitable donation. As stated on the company website, its “easy” for the guests, “meaningful” for the birthday child and apparently “fun” for all.
So I get that not everyone wants a haul of cheaply made plastic toys that are destined to be quickly broken and end up at the dump. Technically, the online option offers an “environmental” choice. I also support giving the money to a charity, especially if the birthday child becomes involved with this. To some degree it is definitely easy to use my credit card and be done with thinking about what to give. Ultimately, going this route is certainly not something I’d ever do as a birthday party host. I’d rather have my kid receive re-gifts or something inexpensive, than have someone feel obliged to rack up charges on their credit card.
Sooooo…what do YOU think?
In her late 30s, with a husband and two small children, she lives in the ‘burbs of Toronto. A librarian, Beckie works part-time. In her free time, “I am a chauffeur/part-time cook/boo boo kisser/housecleaner and laundry lady extraordinaire. I do most of the household shopping and financial planning.”
March 19, 2012 at 8:06 am
We have been to one of those too and I would doubt it was the child’s idea. Part of the fun of birthday parties is tearing open those beautiful packages.
At the same time it is horrific what people spend sometimes, perhaps just to save face? Spending a fortune is sooooo not necessary. A thoughtful gift (not 3or 4) will suffice. I have girls so a barbie is more than fine.
I like your cupboard idea, do you have a generic gift list for ages and gender? I ask because I may create such a cupboard myself!
March 19, 2012 at 8:07 am
Oh, I don’t like that AT ALL. Everyone knows when you go to a birthday party, you take a gift but to have it so in-your-face is a bit tacky, as far as I’m concerned. The charity aspect is positive, for sure, but there’s something that just gets my back up about being told what to give as a present by the person receiving the gift.
Personally, I wouldn’t give a “contribution.” I’d still go the old-fashioned way.
March 19, 2012 at 8:15 am
That is a tough dilema, on the one hand the child gets something they really like, the hackles go up when I feel like I am being told what to give.
Here is the issue I have, and it isn’t a question of to use the credit card or not, it is that some people either don’t have a credit card or might be maxed out on their credit cards and are put in an uncomfortable or embarrassing situation.
I think it is a little presumptuous for the parent to “register” their kid’s birthday gift. I don’t like it.
March 19, 2012 at 8:22 am
My kids both have October birthdays. They also have three sets of grandparents who enjoy spoiling them on their birthdays. We started a tradition of having a Halloween party instead of a birthday party, and we’ve made it a “no gift necessary” occasion. The kids have really enjoyed it. I would rather their friends’ parents spend their money on their own kids, not on some junk.
March 19, 2012 at 8:23 am
I find it offensive.
Gifts used to be a demonstration of the creativity and kindness of the giver..Some were home-made toys, some were necessities like socks and mittens, some were tools or a bit of candy… But they were usually thought through by the giver to provide the child with something they needed or a small indulgence in otherwise financially responsible times…times where the children already had a sense of a work ethic and responsibility.
Now, material things get thrown at children like treats to a dog. The child earns no sense of value, but gets a well formed sense of entitlement and indulgence.
A small token should suffice..and telling people to use credit cards is not morally responsible.
March 19, 2012 at 8:30 am
I set a limit of $20 per kid, because we all know that some kids get WAAAY too much for gifts. Most of our kids get a gift card to the toy store so that they can get what they want.
One year my daughter suggested instead of gifts she wanted donations to the local SPCA. She ended up donating $300 to the local shelter and she felt good about it too. She received a few gifts and that was plenty for her. But this idea of putting a charge on your credit card to get a gift leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
March 19, 2012 at 8:35 am
I think it’s a good idea. Kids have too much stuff these days. Plus their is no worry if they will like it of not. I bet you could use your debut card, instead of a credit card. I can see how some would object. It would be nice not to have to add yet another stuffed animal to the growing mound.
March 19, 2012 at 8:40 am
We just had a charity birthday party yesterday for my 3 year old so I am all for this. We made the donation optional. For us it was personal. A friends little girl needs a transplant and has to travel to the states for this experimental transplant where they have to fabricate the organ out of medical mesh and infuse it with her own stem cells to grow a new organ. Since they are Canadians living in Korea little Hannah has to be medivaced from Korea to the USA. We decided the Hannah needed a new organ more than Eve needed a gift. Everyone was on board and really generous. The daycare workers did their own fundraiser and gave it to us for Hannah. I just know that if either of my children were sick I would want my community to band together to help. I also think it teaches our kids that material things are not as important as helping someone in need. Most people put some money in a card but some did go online and donate through a website they have set up.
http://www.giveforward.com/helphannahbreathe
I also think it is great to give kids money that can be put into their education fund or savings. We need to get away from all the crap that is cluttering up the world and give children values instead of crap.
March 19, 2012 at 8:41 am
I agree entirely with the others here. This sounds about as far away as you can get from the original idea of gift-giving and clearly the charitable donation is only thrown in there to make it more palatable. Asking for credit card donations is financially irresponsible. Someone in there has to be making a buck on this or they wouldn’t offer it as a “service”. I sincerely hope it doesn’t catch on, but if it does, my kids will still be giving inexpensive yet thoughtful birthday presents to their friends.
March 19, 2012 at 8:51 am
I agree with some of the other posters…it’s incredibly presumptous to assume people will feel comfortable giving in that way. For all the reasons stated above and also because it’s just tacky to tell people what to get your kid! I am like you and have been buying birthday and Christmas gifts throughout the year to stock in my gift cupboard. When I see something on sale, or that I know so-and-so will like (if it’s on sale that’s a bonus), I buy it. When you shop this way, you save money, and running into a situation like this, they almost force you to loose money because you may have already bought a gift for that person and now you look like you’re being difficult if you don’t do what they ask. I think you should still do what you can, and not what you’re told. It’s still about the thought – and it is the thought that counts, not how much. If they choose to donate the toy, that’s their perogotive, but it’s not polite to tell you not to give it.
March 19, 2012 at 9:15 am
We have had these party invites here and I can tell you that almost everyone then did both brought a present for the kid and made a contribution. Now that makes me mad. Very mad. I also felt shitty that I was the only one who did not know the code and only made a contribution. I never even thought about the stupid credit card interest piece.
Now I am madder.
Paula
@inkscrblr
Thriftymommastips
March 19, 2012 at 9:16 am
We recently had a party where they asked for a donation in lieu of a gift but it was linked directly to a reputable charity where you donated. Personally I would never donate to a site I didn’t know…..bizarre
March 19, 2012 at 9:19 am
I’m all for donating to a charity – if it’s the child’s idea, but I don’t like the idea of online donations with credit cards. It is too impersonal and if I want to donate to a certain charity via credit card, that’s my choice. Also, kids don’t have credit cards – and my kids are the ones to choose gifts for their friends and make their own birthday cards, so I don’t like this idea.
However, for my daughter’s birthdays, we have asked for donations to the local food bank as gifts in lieu of birthday gifts. Each child brings food donations and we take a group picture with them holding the items, and as a thank you, I print the picture out for each child so they have a souvenir of the great donation they have made. We then actually take the donations to the food bank. This way, the kids are involved and see the actual help they are giving. Everybody has a great time. Donating to charities is great – but don’t make it impersonal – make it so the kids actually see the value in it by helping.
March 19, 2012 at 9:28 am
@Sheryl. My Present cupboard is usually gender neutral (often books). I choose similar ages (maybe slightly ahead) to my own children and cgiise things I think my own kids will like (for holiday gift giving). I also admit to sometimes siphoning off some of the gifts they receive from others to add to the cupboard (this can only be done with really little kids).
Note: when children are old enough to really snoop, I guess the present cupboard will be dismantled (or else I will have to lock it up). My kids have snooping in the genes, lol.
@Jackie Parr. No debit cards are allowed (I’m not sure if you are in Canada, it is not the norm to use a debit card online).
@MKPower, I think the charity aspect of this is a great idea, its the idea that counts, not the dollar amount, (although some people could get a tax receipt which doesn’t happen with the website I’m referring to). Its a good way to get children excited about donating to a “real” cause that they can discuss (to understand properly).
March 19, 2012 at 9:33 am
@ Brenda. The food bank idea with the pictures is really super. That is also something small children can understand. Food is a necessity of life, and even small children can imagine what it *might* be like not to have enough money to buy it.
March 19, 2012 at 9:48 am
I don’t think I’d like that particular kind of party invite. On the other hand in about grade 4 or 5 my youngest was invited to a classmates party and money for world vision was specified as the present. And yes the young girl was totally on board with it. The kids all had fun and then they were able to look through the catalogue and see what the combined money would buy.
My son really enjoyed himself so I asked if he’d want to do something similar and got a resounding no! LOL
March 19, 2012 at 10:09 am
In the 4 years of my child’s life, we have received a TON of well-meant but often junky and/or inappropriate gifts. All of us have too much stuff, and reducing the family footprint is important. I am TOTALLY on board with this sort of party. Last birthday, we asked family and friends to give cash – half of which would be used to “adopt” an animal friend through WWF and the other half would be used for a gift. My child and I talked about the animals and the importance of all that, and had fun deciding which animal to adopt and then had fun later choosing a gift (which was neither junky nor inappropriate). All the kids had fun at the party eating cupcakes, running around, and playing with each other. My child is very excited about doing it again this year, and has decided about the animal to adopt. I sure did not like it when people brought gifts anyway. The gifts were (surprise) junky and inappropriate, and made it uncomfortable for those people who respected our wishes.
March 19, 2012 at 12:09 pm
This Christmas there was a doll at a toy store that said inappropriate thing. Oy, can you imagine a little girl getting this doll and it says to her “You crazy b*t*h. That doll would have wings right off my patio and into the dumpster.
March 19, 2012 at 10:10 am
Hi, I don’t think it’s the kid’s idea either, kids want fun, and I don’t think it’s right to force people to put stuff on their credit card. I would say it would depend on the kid, some are very aware at an early age about such stuff, or it’s age, as they get older a party like that would be interesting. You can teach kids about donating and about charity in other ways than on their birthdays. I would decline to go. You can say no gifts please. You are present enough!!
My kids are older now, but I did the toy cupboard thing…end of January Walmart blows out all their toys, its great. You have to watch tho as they get older that you aren’t stuck with a lot of toys that are not age appropriate any more (been there). I donated them to the Christmas toy box at the mall.
March 19, 2012 at 10:19 am
I don’t like that at all, I think if my child was attending that party, I would apologize and say that we weren’t able to contribute as we are on a cash only budget and are not using credit cards, but that we’d be happy to give a small amount of cash to the child to contribute.
I went to a kids birthday party a few weeks ago where everyone was asked to bring a book from home that their child is no longer interested in, and then there was a book exchange, so every child went home with a “new” book. It was great and all of the kids were happy, and the birthday girl was just happy to have cake, pizza, and play with all of her friends (she received presents from her family memebers during her family birthday party)
March 19, 2012 at 10:55 am
First of all I love the idea of a present cupboard. I’ll keep that in the back of my mind. If I see something at the store that I know someone will like & I can afford, I’ll buy it & store it.
As for the credit card gift. No thanks. I don’t like people telling me how to spend my money. I don’t like the idea of using credit cards, unless I must. And let’s face it, not matter how good an actor your child is, you are bound to see the disappointment on their face when there’s no presents to rip open. Why do we always have to take the fun out of everything. If you look hard enough there are plenty of eco-friendly products/presents out there.
March 19, 2012 at 11:08 am
“Easy to use the credit card”
“Be done without having to think about what to give”
Wow.
If your kid took the easy non thinking way out you would be appaled!
Put some effort into EVERY gift and the presentation as well.
You are modeling good behavior and strong values if you include your child in the entire process, showing them the importance if friendship and the lifelong effort of giving a damn paying great returns.
Or, just make the donation and show your kid the “easy” way that requires no “thinking about it”.
It’s a gift for Christs sake, not a charitable donation.
March 19, 2012 at 11:25 am
I have a “gift” shelf and love it. I buy things on clearance and sale to use for gifts and donations. For example, last year Fisher Price has $5 off coupons that had no limit. When Baribies went on sale from $16 to $8, I used them to buy a few $3 Barbies – can’t go wrong. My daughter’s now 4 and is starting to get invited to bday parties at Daycare – these are perfect. Also, look for Toysrus clearance shelves. I bought a bunch of Diego characters with an animal for 90 cents (regular $10-$12) – perfect for loot bags or add-on gifts. Walmart in January is also good however, you have to be at the right-place/right-time to get really good deals there.
March 19, 2012 at 11:59 am
I am not a mother so I’m not going to comment on the present aspect, but I do work for a charity. Please, please, PLEASE never give money for charitable donations without first looking into the charity and making sure it is a reputable organization.
As someone who works in fundraising, the idea of a company accepting donations (and taking some for themselves?) makes me very uneasy.
Be a smart donor – do research on the organization you are supporting (even if it’s just looking on their website and making sure they have a registered charity number) and make sure they are a reputable organization that deserves funding. Also, donate DIRECTLY to the charity whenever possible, I don’t understand why a family would need a company to collect and donate for them, I find that very bizarre. You should also be receiving tax receipts for charitable donations.
It’s unfortunate that they are so many scams linked to charities at the moment, so please do your research and put your hard earned money somewhere that it’s going to make a difference.
March 19, 2012 at 12:23 pm
Thank you for your input B. You make really important points.
The website I’m referring to *is* reputable as far as I can tell (the charities are listed, and they are all well known).
No tax receipt was ever given to me, but I think its because by the time the company gets their cut (15%), and the $ is allotted to the “gift”, there may be only a small amount for charity, and there is no need to give tax receipts for amounts less than $10 (I think that is the min. amount).
March 19, 2012 at 12:03 pm
We have such a closet too. We use coupons to save money on toys plus I wait till on sale. I’d feel bad showing up to a kid’s party empty handed. I stay on budget; $10. For relatives and those that have everything or ask for no gift, I donate to their charities. Food and decorations I also wait after a holiday. Can’t tell you how many after Thanksgiving turkeys and Easter hams I bought for pennies on the dollar.
March 19, 2012 at 4:37 pm
I’ve had a “emergency gift cupboard” (as its known at my house) for 16 years and love it. Birthday gifts, loot bag stuff ,gift with purchase stuff (perfect for dropping off to one of My friends if they could use a treat) . Valentines day and Easter seasonal gifts sell for up to 75% off at many stores and are perfect for next years holidays.
As far as the “contribution ” for the birthday I’m not impressed. If it is for a specific cause the child feels strongly about, or to help someone in your Community, or food for a food bank, that’s different. But to have to make a credit card contribution online, and have the organization take 15%, nope.
A gift is meant to be a Gift . A present that one person gives to another for a special reason. Something the gift giver chooses for the recipient.
March 19, 2012 at 8:20 pm
We politicize everything! A child’s birthday is about celebrating the child! Have we forgotten that? There are so many other opportunities to teach a child about charity and giving…we could even use the opportunity to donate some of the toys if the child chooses to! Give me a break! And furthermore, why are we finding more insane reasons to add more charges to already over-charged credit cards???
March 19, 2012 at 9:32 pm
I think a child’s birthday is about them and let’s face it, they LOVE to unwrap presents. I think the charity is a good idea too but give parents a choice.
I must say, however, I make it a point to ask the parent what the CHILD is interested in and anything they suggest is helpful. I understand for cost sake wanting to keep a bunch of gifts on hand but I strongly believe in giving the child a gift he/she will be interested in and want to play with – not just what I have on hand. Isn’t that the point – to celebrate the child and his/her interests?
Case in point: my daughter’s 5th birthday – the parents who asked – they brought gifts my daughter enjoyed and would play with. The ones who didn’t – toys that were eventually thrown out or given away because they were never played with. Ex. Most assume little girls like Barbies -nope! Not my daughter. Gave away a bunch of those.
The other thing I now ask that I think needs to be taken into consideration: if there are younger siblings on hand. She received some items with really tiny pieces and our son was still so young and putting everything in his mouth! Parents know their kids the best so I find being honest and just asking what they suggest is great! And you know what? If they’re like me, they usually suggest the basics that don’t cost a lot anyway (crayons, bubbles, etc.)
March 20, 2012 at 7:54 am
Many years ago, we decided that our children would no longer receive gifts at their “friend” party. We had been to far too many parties where the gluttony of junky plastic toys was simply too much. I recall one party where the 3-year old birthday girl received 35 presents. It was ridiculous! Our children still receive a gift from us, and their grandparents, so they don’t go without completely. But we wanted the focus to be on fun and friends, not on the accumulation of more stuff. And this is a lesson that needs to start young. Otherwise, you end up with a “Princess” … or a “Prince”!
We’ve actually used this organization when planning parties for all of our children. Originally, I just collected donations for World Vision. But I was actually questioned by a parent as to how they would know if I actually donated the funds. I must admit that I was offended at the suspicion inherent in the question. So I gave this organization a try, so that parents would know that half the funds went to a recognized, reputable charity – The Nelson Mandella’s Children’s Charity one year, Autism Speaks another. On the invite I mentioned what my child intended to use the other half for (the meaningful present part) … such as roller blades … and no one seemed to mind.
As for the credit card part, it’s required because it’s a website. It’s not some conspiracy to get you to pay interest. There’s nothing stopping you from paying the credit card off in full, thus avoiding an interest charge. I highly doubt that all of those 35 toys at that party I mentioned were paid for with cash.
The materialism we are teaching our children is out of control. I actually know a gal who got her son an X-box for Easter. What ever happened to a chocolate bunny? With ridiculous over-the-top birthday parties, and every event on the calendar an excuse for gift-giving, we’re creating a generation of over-consumers like never before.
March 21, 2012 at 5:54 pm
I disagree with expecting others to offer anything for a child’s birthday. The parents can provide a few gifts for the child to open and that’s it. And if gifts are given, the child should write thank you notes. These parties where 20-30 kids are invited, they shower the kid with presents and then no thank you note – ridiculous.
March 25, 2012 at 4:02 am
[...] week, a post on money guru Gail Vaz Oxlade’s site raised the issue of birthday invitations that come with a link to a site where you both RSVP and [...]
June 15, 2012 at 10:37 am
I tend not to create a lot of responses, but i did a few
searching and wound up here My Present Cupboard