I’m into “free” play
Posted by Beckie | Filed under Beckie
In conversation with another mom at a mutual friend’s house a year or two ago, we were all chatting about our children and extra-curricular activities…
Other mom (spoken in a shocked and scolding tone): “You mean you don’t have ANY extra- curricular activities for your son?
Me: “Well, we tried swimming but he wasn’t really prepared to put his head in the water so we will wait a while before we try again. Plus he just wants to play. He really likes to go to the park and play with his toys. He also loooves to watch Transformers and Scooby Doo on television”
Other mom: “GASP (at this point I’m not sure if it’s ‘cause I mentioned the television)… If you don’t start him in swimming now, he’ll always be afraid and never learn!”
Me: “er…well….ok” (note: not a fan of this type of confrontation)
Needless to say, we just didn’t see eye to eye on the matter.
There is not much anyone can say to me to make me believe that the kids want to have every moment of every day scheduled with school and extra-curricular activities. I’m not adverse to kids being in one or two activities that they like doing, and I understand that it’s good to have interests and hobbies. Plus I believe in trying new things to figure out likes and dislikes.
But even though my kids are small (6 and 2), our lives already seems so complicated with school, jobs and regular “life” activities, let alone adding a ton of extra-curricular activities on top of that. In addition, there is often a high monetary cost of all of these extra activities, and sometimes the costs of added gear (e.g. skates, ballet shoes, required team jerseys and so on), and gas for chauffeuring kids around. I shudder to think about the costs of hockey gear, especially since children grow so fast.
My personal stance about extra- curricular activities is that ONE activity at a time is enough for children while they are young. So the little dude did a session of swimming not long ago (he *did* put his head in the water…a few times) and he just finished his first round of skating lessons.
In the mean time, the little dude has plenty of time for using his imagination. And when he comes to me and says “Mommy, I’m borrrreeed”, I usually say “Gee, if you don’t like your toys anymore we can certainly give them away to someone who wants them” ….Quelle surprise, he promptly resumes his regularly scheduled “free” play.
In her late 30s, with a husband and two small children, she lives in the ‘burbs of Toronto. A librarian, Beckie works part-time. In her free time, “I am a chauffeur/part-time cook/boo boo kisser/housecleaner and laundry lady extraordinaire. I do most of the household shopping and financial planning.”
April 16, 2012 at 8:30 am
Completely agree with you! Swimming is something we try to keep up on – though we have taken breaks when the kids were smaller and wanted to do nothing more than splash in the water – no point in wasting money on swimming lessons they refuse to participate in, IMO!), and the kids have one other thing they do. My daughter is 3 and aside from swimming, we haven’t put her in anything and I probably won’t until she starts asking. It’s hard enough to manage the regular day-to-day stuff. My one son sees a tutor on Saturdays after swimming lessons, and on Sundays my boys curl. That takes up virtually the entire weekend. The weekdays are a right off (I work shift work and my husband can’t handle dragging 3 kids around in the evenings unless absolutely necessary!!!)
I know a lot of people who have their kids in activities every day of the week. My kids play. They go out and ride bikes with their friends. They form secret spy clubs and solve made up mysteries. They have a lot of fun Mon-Fri without any organized activities
April 16, 2012 at 9:23 am
I love that your kids make secret spy clubs/solve mysteries. That is just so cool. And I have a good friend who now curls as an adult, and she loves it (and the social aspect of it as well).
I need to teach my son to ride a bike properly (without training wheels), that will be a big milestone for him.
April 16, 2012 at 12:34 pm
Hi I to am a stay at home mom, (who ever thought up that term certainly wasn’t a mother) as I am constantly astonished at how often I am running around for something or other for my two kids and husband.
My youngest son takes piano lessons once a week and has sometimes also taken other music lessons as well ( drums or Guitar) With all the other demands on his time with the numerous school projects he must do I can’t imagine signing him up for other activities.
When younger he also took swimming lessons during the summer so he would become water safe, since we put a pool in our backyard. He likes to sit and play piano,research things on the computer,play video games and watch TV usually the history channel,or discovery,and reading mainly historical military books. He also plays outside,bikes and takes our dogs for walks and takes terrific photos with his digital camera.
Other “families” shake their heads at us as we don’t cart him to a huge number of extra activities.
Our older son is now in college and enjoys taking off on a 4 wheeler with friends for daily or weekend trips. He did try basketball for a while when younger and was very good at the game. But when it became a practice or game every weeknight and twice on each Sat and Sunday he drew the line. He stated I like basketball, but am never going to be in the NBA so why spend all that time on one thing. He too spent much of his free time biking,playing with friends and shock —reading.
So I must have totally ruined their lives by not racing all over town, and part of the province for those other activities.
I think every family should stop and determine what is important to them, a star athlete, good student, a family who recognize each other over the dinner table and go from there. Life has enough stress with out intentionally adding more. So stick to your guns Beckie.
April 16, 2012 at 6:43 pm
Wow! I thought I was the only selfish parent that denied her children a multitude of extra-curricular activities! And the term selfish? It doesn’t stem from my children’s vocabulary; it’s from other parents! My kids are in 1-2 activities per year each. Neither my husband or myself are in any either. We enjoy lots of family time, not in the confines of a car or arena.
April 16, 2012 at 10:34 pm
I am a single mom of two and have learned what works for my kids. When my eldest was small (2-3) I bought into the packed schedule and realized it not only strained the bank book but also stressed us all out! Rushing to and FRO, trying to figure out how to whip together the healthy dinner, get everything done. I was unhappy with the swimming lessons at the community centre where I found each child had 3.5 minutes of time in their 30 minute class with the instructor. The rest of the time they had to sit on the edge of the pool. 8 classes = $60. I bought a book of free swim passes for $15 (10-2hr sessions) and my child learned to swim before the book was empty. My belief is that in Canada, swimming and skating are life skills. We do it for fun and accomplish the same milestone. My kids are each in one activity per season. If they each play soccer, that’s 4 nights out- each one practice and house league game. By the end of the week, we are knackered and can’t imagine any more commitments.
April 16, 2012 at 10:46 pm
I agree! I do push the swimming – to me that is a life skill, not extra-curricular. My daughter repeated the same course 5 or 6 times since she refused to put her face in the water. A friend told me: “Have patience – it’ll click”. And you know what? It did! She started putting her face in the water last year. I was so thrilled!!! We do take a break from swimming in the winter, however, and replace it with skating.
I have seen way too many overscheduled kids and I don’t want to do that to my own. I have a rule of no more than 2 activities at a time – usuallly swimming and something else. Yes, it costs, but my hubby and I agree that this is a priority for us since we want our kids to be active. And they really enjoy the activities – if they didn’t, we wouldn’t push it.
But as I said, we limit the activities. Kids need time too to just be kids!
April 16, 2012 at 10:56 pm
I have always tried to limit my daughters extra-curricular activities to one at any given time and that is working well for our family. I know so many families that spend every night driving their kids from one activity to the next, where they never have a night during the week to even sit down together to eat as a family. They are spending so much time, money, and energy into getting their kids into all of these activities that they have forgotten that the core of every family is being together, and giving them time to play is so important. There is a place in a family for extra curriculars but there is no need to go overboard. One or none is enough.
April 17, 2012 at 11:02 am
I try not to overschedule my kids, but some kids (like my oldest) love organized activities (pottery, soccer, swimming,gymnastics, downhill skiing…he just loves it all, learning how to improve, learning a new skill). We try to do one activity per kid at a time, but sometimes things overlap. We play it by ear. Maybe we have a busy spring but then no one does anything in the summer, then one activity in the fall. As long as every one is happy, kids are not stressed, have plenty of downtime with friends/family, and most importantly, we have the money upfront for the activities, I am not going to worry too much overscheduling them.
April 17, 2012 at 11:52 am
I am the mom of a 14 year old and a 7 year old. When my daughter was little she did dance once a week on saturdays and enjoyed it. soon the requirements became a minimum of 2 nights and one weekend day a week, she had no interest in having to commit that much so she quit. since then she has taken swim lessons occasionally but other than that has not had any extra activities. Instead we have used that time to bond as a family and now that she is 14, we are best friends. We do almost everything together, we bowl, we read, we play games, walk, play with our dogs and we are happy doing it. this fall she wants to branch out and start a once a week bowling league, and i’m happy to let her do it. For my son, I’m starting him in swimming this fall because, as one other mom said, its a life skill, you gotta know how to swim. other than that, I have no intention of putting him in anything unless he asks. This approach has saved me thousands in fees over the years, as most activities here are $200 plus a month for “serious” activities. My family has spent that time bonding instead, I won’t complain
April 20, 2012 at 4:28 pm
We have to stop being “mompetitors”. Some kids really enjoy scheduled activities and others don’t. Whatever works for you and your family is the right thing to do. All 3 of our children are grown. We had so much fun going to and helping out with any activity they participated in – be it hockey, soccor, golf, baseball, cubs, ballet, music, school plays, etc. Trust me, it is over in the blink of an eye.
April 21, 2012 at 12:31 pm
Well let me set your mind at ease, as mama of 3 now. Aged 12, 8 and 2.
Swimming? I have two of 3 who were born petrified. Literally. Lessons with my oldest were a nightmare ending when she had a severe panic attack nearly drowning and the instructors saying get lost. The second child is the same.
I held off for years. And took a verbal beating from anyone and everyone about it.
Fast forward to last year I found, after much research and digging, the YWCA locally, and an AMAZING instructor. See, the Y is specific in assisting ALL…special needs, gay and straight, gender issues etc…so they understand how to be sensitive to all people in all cases of life. It is the perfect fit. My daughters’ who used to hate even wetting their heads or eyes NOW SWIM!! It has taken alot. I learned long ago to be the mom I need to be for them, not what other judgey moms think is best.
As for extra curricular? Waste of money most times. My 3rd hasn’t been to a class or lesson save for one that didn’t work out (her sisters liked it…oh well) and honestly now that I work and juggle 3 kids etc…i don’t have the time or energy. They do fine without that stuff.
May 23, 2012 at 1:06 pm
Good post. I find over-scheduled kids are a bit scary. They demand an itinerary of the day’s events. I see it in my nephew and niece (11 and 13). Hanging out with friends are designated “play dates” with a date/time. No more spontaneous pop ins if you aren’t “penciled in”!