Friendship
Posted by RycePapers | Filed under RycePapers
I’ve been friends with Gail for over twenty years. So this blog opportunity is nepotism big time. We met in Toronto when Gail was a consultant and I worked at a bank. Years later she told me her initial impression was that I was cold. Little did she know how much she would warm up to me!
We happened to be on TVOntario’s “Money$worth” program at the same time and ran into each other often enough to realize that we were supposed to know each other better. When Gail published her financial magazine, I wrote some articles for her. When my second book came out, Gail took a picture of me with it because ‘you need pictures at your happiest and proudest moments.’
Over the years our discussions ranged from money, to books, to being married (and then for me widowhood, and for Gail divorce) to families and animals, cooking, technology, troubles, triumphs and many other topics. I count Gail amongst the people I can turn to for real conversation. She is in my circle of friends. I am incredibly grateful for my friends. So it disturbed me to read a survey in “The Atlantic Magazine” in an article entitled: Is Facebook Making Us Lonely? They discovered that 25% of Americans had nobody to talk to. They didn’t have a circle, they had a dot: themselves. A further 20% had only one confidant. They had a straight line of friend.
Figuring out what a friendship both offers and requires is important because being a friend is a commitment and a risk. The Atlantic’s article reminded me of an interview I did many years ago with Dr. Edward de Bono, he of genius brain about creativity and author of 62 books. He’d noticed the amount of passive input young people absorbed from TV, pop music and the Internet. He concluded they did less thinking and didn’t develop any identity or self-image. If you lack identity or self-image, what could attract a friend?
Oscar Wilde said: A true friend stabs you in the front. I agree. If I need to hear some tough news, I want to hear it from someone who knows me, loves me and wants the best for me. And I applaud the person who wrote: A true friend knows who you are and likes you anyway. Gail calls me her Pointy-Headed Friend partly because I like to learn and partly because I try to link information to discover a fuller picture whether we are discussing inflation, sex toys or how the brain works. Sometimes all in one conversation!
I’ll be writing on this blog from the perspective of someone now trying to stretch the pot of money I’ve saved. I still work occasionally and manage my investments, but I am mortgage free and debt free, although I’ve had my share of debt and downfall.
While my fellow bloggers are younger with different financial challenges, I’m glad to share what it’s like when you start living on capital, live alone (which many women end up doing, read Gail’s book “It’s Your Money”), and make the transition from expenses related to a busy career and family life, to considerations of fixed costs and making money last to the end. Please know I still separate wants from needs and record every cent I spend: some things never change.
After my husband died, I sold our dream home because I couldn’t afford to keep it and I moved to a different area. Once settled, I needed to meet new friends. In your 50’s making new friends takes effort, unlike when you are in school with lots of people jammed into classrooms and plenty of opportunity. Slowly I got out to events, joined the library, chatted up neighbours and invited people over for dinner (food as bait). Now I can drive by a friend’s house and just drop in with my dog Pongo. I can call for help getting my water pump installed since it’s Spring. I can drop off freshly-baked banana bread for no reason. I can be a friend.
So thanks Gail for being my friend and liking me anyway.
That is what’s on my mind today, what do you think?
Victoria Ryce
I am a former stockbroker, banker, international corporate trainer, and community shared agriculture worker. Have a Master's Degree in Human Systems Intervention (people and change). A big recycler, dog lover, reader, author of two books and yoga chick. Widowed and living in the country. Grow my own tomatoes and garlic to make salsa. Yummy.
May 22, 2012 at 8:02 am
I’m a follower! Great Blog!
May 22, 2012 at 8:15 am
I relish this opportunity to see how to make the most of our retirement. We’re saving for this exact form of security. To see how to make it work is invaluable. Welcome!
May 22, 2012 at 8:59 am
Great blog. I too am in my 50′s and had to start living on a fixed income. I have always been a saver which has helped me alot since I have become disabled. I’m totally debt free and have learned to survive on $847 month. I really look forward to reading ur blogs, it will be nice to have someone my own age to read about and understand exactly what ur going thru. Thank you.
May 22, 2012 at 9:22 am
Cant wait to read the rest.
I have NEVER saved so am deeply interested in how to manage as i get older.
May 22, 2012 at 9:27 am
I loved this blog! I want to get all my friends to read this heat-warming message about friendship and then follow along with your money handling advice. Good stuff, Victoria!
May 22, 2012 at 9:38 am
Well done Victoria. Look forward to following your blog. Would you share your system/routine for recording every cent spent.
May 28, 2012 at 12:27 pm
Hi Nancy, Yes I will be sharing my record keeping and some numbers. Also, Gail has ‘The Gail Way’ for a downloadable option.
May 22, 2012 at 10:14 am
Welcome Victoria, ejoyed reading your blog and look forward to many more. It is so important to have friends, I would not have survived this far without them. Its also nice to hear from someone in their 50′s, I’m 58 and my husband is 62 and retirement due to ill health for both of us has made saving or being content with less, difficult. Thank you for coming on board this blog site.
May 22, 2012 at 11:01 am
Well Victoria my first impression is that you would be great for discussions over coffee on probably any topic! I am looking forward to reading more of your thoughts.
I discovered the pitfalls of the straight line friendship. I had many acquaintences but only one real friend who I could really talk to. About a year ago our schedules changed and she started meeting new people and we were not able to get together often and now we rarely talk. I was left feeling pretty lonely. I am pretty shy by nature and as an adult out of all school situations and who does not play sports, I had no idea how to go about meeting new friends. Slowly I have been branching out though and now have a pretty good circle going and am much happier.
Welcome to the site!
May 22, 2012 at 12:54 pm
Looking forward to future blogs. Being in the ‘age group’ would be interested in the different methods people keep track of their needs and wants. Other than discipline, what template works best. Love your bio…..look forward to tasting that salsa! Congrats on this new venture. Will alert other friends to your blog….as that’s what friends do!
May 22, 2012 at 2:44 pm
Dear Victoria, I am SO happy to read you here! I’ve always been a fan and Mike has a great big huge smile circling the skies. I have fond memories of your stories of yoga with a Golden Retriever headdress!
Your perspective is much needed and appreciated and coupled with Gail’s platform, a winning combination. You ROCK. Love Daryl
May 22, 2012 at 6:49 pm
I look forward to seeing more articles from you. You do sound like an interesting person and it will be fun to learn more about and from you. My hubby and I are both in our early 50s and at some point will be learning to live on what we have… At least that is the plan! Hubby may continue working at some sort of job part time simply because he needs to be with people ‘doing’ to be happy. Otherwise he’s underfoot and ‘bored’… LOL
May 22, 2012 at 10:25 pm
Hi Victoria,
Enjoyed reading your piece on, friendship and look forward to following you on your blogging journey.
May 23, 2012 at 9:59 am
Wonderful Victoria! Yeah!
I’m very much looking forward to reading your insightful thoughts.
xoxo Caley
May 24, 2012 at 10:09 pm
Welcome! I am thrilled to have a retired person like me sharing her thoughts and experiences. Really looking forward to reading more.
October 12, 2012 at 2:10 am
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