An Adult with an Allowance
Posted by Christi | Filed under Christi
I am guilty of this. My mom and sister are guilty of this. My co-workers are guilty of this. Someone compliments you on your new pair of shoes, new jacket, new pants, and you feel the uncontrollable need to tell them the price that you bought it for! So many times I’ve smacked my head afterwards thinking, “WHY did I have to tell them the price! Why couldn’t I let them think I spent a fortune on it?”
You know what I’m talking about – “That’s a really nice purse.” “Thanks, I got it for twenty bucks at Winners!” Right after the words pour out of my mouth, my internal dialogue sounds something like this: “Really Christi? Really? Why did you tell them the price? Seriously, what is wrong with you! Why can’t you let them think you paid full price at a little boutique!”
Come on, am I alone here? I don’t think I am.
What are we trying to accomplish by stating the price of the item we bought? Are we fishing for a compliment on the steal of a deal we found? Are we trying to save the other person some money? Nope, that wasn’t it for me. I realized that I do it to justify my purchase. I feel much better about purchasing an item after I tell someone that I didn’t really spend that much money on it.
You see, I realized that I felt guilty about spending money on items that weren’t essentials. I felt that if I paid full price for something nice for myself, that I was doing something wrong. I was trying to downplay my purchase. Once I realized that this was the reason behind my behaviour, I was able to address the real problem. Why did I feel guilty about buying something for myself??
To help you understand, let me give you some background on money and me. I moved out on my own when I was 20. I spent 6 years in university working 2 or 3 part time jobs. Since the day I truly became an adult, money was tight. At that time, my thought process was that when I got my pay cheque, I paid the bills first and the rest of the money was to go towards groceries, gas, or trying to pay down my student debt. That’s it. I should never spend that money on me.
Now, for the first time in my life, I am working one job, full-time. And I have a husband who also works one job, full-time. Believe it or not, it was so hard to financially adapt to my new situation. I was feeling strapped for cash, when I finally had enough to go around!
My husband and I devised an ingenious plan. We created a balanced budget that included fixed expenses, savings, and money that we were allowed to spend – on whatever. Let me repeat. I had money I was allowed to spend on me!
Looking back, this was the greatest decision we ever made in regards to our finances. We looked at our budget, and found a set amount that we could give ourselves every 2 weeks. This money was meant to be spent. What a freeing idea!
Thinking I was some sort of financial wizard, I was shocked when a girlfriend asked me about the same concept. She wanted to set up a spending allowance for her and her husband and wanted to know what amount was too big or too small.
The amount will ultimately depend on what this allowance is meant to cover. For us, it is meant to be a little guilt-free cash for something extra. We think of it as a little reward for doing a good job saving and budgeting! Each and every person will have a different amount, and couples may need to compromise (gasp!) to find the right amount. Try and find a balance that works for you and your life.
So now, my cash is my cash. If I want to spend it on a full-price item, I don’t have to feel guilty about it! If I want to save it for next month and really splurge, that’s ok too. My name is Christi, and I am an adult who’s happy to spend her allowance.
- Christi (@ChristiPosner)
Christi Posner is a Credit Counsellor for the Credit Counselling Society, a non-profit, charitable organization. Born and raised in Winnipeg, Christi is a newlywed, a new homeowner, and with the exception of car loans and a mortgage, she is newly debt-free. Her goal is not merely to survive, but to financially thrive; and to do so with some passion, empathy, humour, and a smile.
April 28, 2012 at 1:21 pm
I loved your blog today but I have a thought for you to consider. Over the past twenty five years I have experienced many financial lows due to family illness and university costs. There was a time when we actually had zero income for a year and a half while I was in school full time and raising three children. I never dreamed we would get through those days, but we did. I think I say the price of “good buys” because I have a habit of shopping for the best price (due to our poor days) and I revert to being so excited that I could actually buy something good for a reduced price. Kind of hard to explain but it feels like a validation of some sort, spending money on me when I should be spending money on more important things. Announcing the “good buy” kind of gives a reason for spending money on me. What do you think?
April 28, 2012 at 1:40 pm
It’s an interesting habit many of us have, isn’t it! One person states the price of an item because they feel guilty and need to justify that it didn’t cost that much (me). Another person states the price of an item because they are so excited that they are in a position to purchase something good for a steal (you). Someone else may state the price for a completely different reason, but it’s noteworthy that it’s because of something that happened in our past. As long as we are consciously aware of why we are saying the price, I think it’s okay to continue on! Thanks for sharing!
April 28, 2012 at 5:10 pm
Thanks Christi! I think THE PAST can either haunt us or help us. I will try to be more aware of where my comments are stemming from the next time I feel the need to blurt out the bargain price. I look forward to your next blog!!!!
April 28, 2012 at 1:27 pm
Being a financially concious person myself, i love reading this blog. My husband and i are very lucky that we both have steady/higher incomes and are able to live a life in our late 20′s that most people we know haven’t achieved yet or took a LONG time to get there. Also, being parents our first priority now is to save money for our son’s education/future and be concious of how HE will view money in the future. I love reading your blogs christi and it makes me smarter along the road when it comes to budgeting, credit scores (damn past mistakes) and everything else in between! Your awesome! =) Looking forward to the next blog!
April 28, 2012 at 1:46 pm
Thanks Meig! You just made my day! I’m thinking along the same lines. We don’t have kids yet but when we do, I want to ensure that we are naturally very money conscious so that the accountability and responsibility passes on to them.
PS. Your blog rocks! I love hearing real mommy experiences because it helps me prepare for the future. Look at us learning from each other
April 28, 2012 at 3:39 pm
So funny this just happened to me yesterday. A co-worker complimented my shoes and I ended up telling her how much they cost me even though I bought them last summer! And yes they were cheap and no they don’t look it.
Another occasion your post made me think of was a month ago I set aside money for myself to go shopping ( I did $100 / pay * 4) so I had $400 to buy new clothes for the spring. And I was very excited and felt smart about myself and told people when my big shopping was scheduled for.
And I ended up saying how much I am planning to spend and just about every time I regretted it for two reasons:
Half the time I felt like I said too little and people couldn’t even imagine how I am planning to buy a new wardrobe with that money. The other times I felt like I am bragging how much money I have for a shopping spree. Honestly, it felt like a no win situation and that I should have just kept my excitment to myself.
@Meig: You’re from Manitoba too? That’s great! I hope Gail posts my club call soon so I can see about having a real little club meeting.
May 1, 2012 at 10:52 pm
Is it a Winnipeg thing?? Is it a female thing?? Why do we all do this! And you’re so right.. you wouldn’t necessarily tell someone the price of a purse if they were expensive, because you’d feel quite awkward. But then if you tell them the purse was $10, they’d think it was cheap! Would they judge you? Ahhhh lose-lose situation is right! Let’s just zip our mouths. Haha.
April 28, 2012 at 5:06 pm
I buy most of my clothes second hand. My sister said she felt embarassed to admit to her wealthy friends that something came from a thrift shop. It kept her from saving as much as she would have liked. My suggestion was to tell them where it was made, not where she bought it. I love my Liz Clairborne t-shirt. It looks great and nobody knows I got it for less than $5 at the thrift store.
May 1, 2012 at 10:54 pm
That’s interesting Chris – and I bet I would feel the same way as your sister. I don’t know why, perhaps something I need to dig into for another post. I’d be proud of how little I spent and how much of a bargain I got, but I wouldn’t want to admit it! Interesting… you’re making me think. Telling the brand instead of the price is awesome!! Love it!
April 28, 2012 at 9:05 pm
I don’t know what it is but even when I have my own money that I can spend on whatever I want (our budget has been so tight until recently that we didn’t have any to put aside, but I’d always get cash for my birthday and a little at Christmas that was mine, all mine!)… I still feel guilty when I spend it! I don’t know why – I have no issue spending money on things for the house or for the kids and that is often what I end up spending ‘my’ money on. When I do manage to spend it on me, I feel I need to justify the spending, even though it’s money I don’t have to justify spending – but telling someone what a deal I just got does make it easier for me to mentally justify having spent it
May 1, 2012 at 10:57 pm
You’re so right! I have a question for you.. would you feel guilty spending a gift card on you? I’ve felt that way before. Maybe it’s because we are givers? Are you someone who loves to give gifts?
April 30, 2012 at 12:44 pm
Great post!, I think the take away on all this is we have to be aware. Aware of the why, the mindset and what we can do better (thinking, planning, freeing our guilt). We hare conditioned to repeat behaviors and feelings unless we consciously decide ahead of time what we are going to do and that it is okay/all right etc.
May 1, 2012 at 10:58 pm
YES! We need to be aware. I love that. We need to be conscious of why, why, why. Once we know why, we can address the real problem. You may just see a blog post about this coming soon! Thanks!
May 1, 2012 at 1:29 pm
I had to tell you that something about your posts made something click in my head.
I’ve been following these blogs for some time, but the epiphany happened on very recently!
So thank you soooo much and great posts I look forward to reading them. I enjoy them immensely.
Now what did I do? I finally went to the bank, gave them my short and long term goals and figured out what I needed to get there. Wow! Imagine that — a plan!! I am also encouraged that the amount I thought I needed to get there was smaller – simply because we’ve paid off debt! What a great and freeing feeling.
Thanks again
May 1, 2012 at 11:02 pm
Ada you just made this all so real for me. Thank you. I am so happy for you and the steps you just took to make your dreams a reality. Do you have everything in place to execute that plan? I am so proud of you! Thank you for saying what you did.