A Nice Problem to Have
Posted by Midwest Mom | Filed under Midwest Mom
Somebody pinch me. Both of my boys got straight As on their recent report cards. This low B ex-student can’t even believe it. I want to acknowledge their accomplishments in some way, but I don’t know how.
We thought about giving them each $50. But I’ve always felt that rewards don’t work long-term. A person eventually gets blasé about any reward, so the reward has to keep getting bigger. And $50 is already a ton of money!
And another thing… 11yo Mick has been making straight As for several years and we didn’t really do anything but praise him. I don’t think he’d be too pleased to see little brother get paid for perfect marks in Grade 4 when he only got a pat on the back. I suppose it’s wrong of me, but somehow all As from both of them seems more noteworthy.
Next we considered a “celebration.” There is a Chinese chain restaurant that both boys love. It has become “The Birthday Restaurant” for us because it’s on the spendy side. But now we’re back in the $100 neighborhood and Hank & I think the joint is only so-so. We’d rather just give the $100 to the lads!
Naturally, that led to the thought of a more reasonably priced celebration at a restaurant they both like that has the added benefit of being a little closer to home. Or we could do the Japanese steakhouse that just opened that they both want to try.
So what’ll it be? Modest? Showy? Praise? Reward? Celebration? Or have we been right to not take much notice at all?
What do you do to recognize your children’s significant progress in the right direction? How did it play out as they got older?
DFF Update As you know, this is a big job. I need more than one week to analyze our spending. I’ll post on this subject as I get the steps accomplished. In between, we’ll exorcise other demons. =)
-mwm
A stay-at-home mom managing the family finances, Midwest Mom is our New Voice from south of the 49th Parallel. Married for 19 years with two boys, 11 and 9, she considers herself “a self-help junkie.”
February 11, 2012 at 1:41 pm
We never paid our three kids for good marks. I think that it sends the wrong message. We did praise them as soon as we read their report cards. We celebrated the end of most school years by taking the family out for dinner. As we did not eat out very often it was a treat for the whole family. Restaurants were reasonable ones that did not break the bank.
February 11, 2012 at 3:29 pm
Our children are now in their early twenties and we never paid them for good report cards. They both did well in school and have continued on to post secondary education. Their current marks continue to tell us that we made the right decision to not reward them earlier. They learned to work hard for the internal satisfaction of having learned the subject well and seeing their hard work rewarded with good marks.
We always celebrated the end of the reporting period or school year with something special; be it dinner at a restaurant or an outing for the family.
How about letting the kids choose what they want? After all, they are the ones who worked hard and achieved good marks.
February 11, 2012 at 6:20 pm
I was a straight and consistent C student, no matter how hard I tried. My older brother was a straight A student, with almost no effort. My Bro was rewarded for getting great marks, but as I Never got anywhere near an A , I was always left feeling bad. My parents always compared us and did the old “your brother can do it, why can’t you?” Which truly didnt help my self esteem at all.I didn’t really want the reward, just the acknowledgement that I really did try hard.
I have a A+ daughter and a C+ daughter and I tread very lightly around the marks. It is easy for the A+ daughter (and she has told me) and it is challenging for the C+ daughter and I know she struggles.
What I do is acknowledge their effort, not their actual grade. “I know you worked really hard on this project, did you enjoy putting it together?” or “Great Job, you are consistent with your marks. Do you feel good about what you accomplished?”
I know that in the Real World marks do count, but in my opinion, marks are not half as important and self esteem and positive attitude. Of all the places in the world, Home is where you should feel cherished and appreciated for being You. That counts as a parent too. Your should feel appreciated for being You and making the best darn pot roast dinner (or whatever your specialty) to celebrate your boys doing their very best.
February 11, 2012 at 8:32 pm
I totally agree with Sylvia. I really believe that good grades is dependent on your child’s goals. Take for instance your A+ Child getting recognized for something other than grades like taking time to volunteer in a special needs class during recess or trying out for an unlikely team sport that she would usually not attempt. It is important to have different goals for your children, based on their skills and abilities. In our home I constantly remind my daughter that she can’t say “that’s easy” to her sister or friends. What might be easy for her could be incredibly challenging for someone else.
All in all don’t tie money with grades, but do learn how to help your child apply for Scholorships and Bursaries for when the time comes to use someone else’s money to put toward their education. Right now education is free for them, and tell them that your money goes towards taxes to get them that “free” education. An education that many other children in other country’s do not get.
February 13, 2012 at 11:44 am
I agree with Sylvia as well. Praise for effort is much more important than praise for achievement. If you do want to celebrate somehow, why not go bowling or participate in some other activity together?
February 13, 2012 at 1:56 pm
I get it. We praised them at the time and that is enough. Obviously, I got a little carried away.
Thanks, Sylvia, for pointing out something I overlooked: Mick is playing basketball for the first time. He’s not exactly the star of the team, but he’s having fun and he got out of his comfort zone to join. The season is almost over. We will be sure to acknowledge his effort.
You guys rock. Thanks for bringing me back to earth!
February 22, 2012 at 10:22 am
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