I’m a huge believer in sharing. From the children were wee, we practiced sharing in ways that would be meaningful to them. Before they were even receiving an allowance, and putting some money away each week to share, we would participate in Christmas gift giving to those children who weren’t as lucky. And there were important lessons learned before we left home, on the way to the store, at the check-out and on the drive home about the fact that the gifts chosen wouldn’t be coming into our house but would be going to other homes.

Some people give as a matter of fact. If they earn twenty bucks, they give two. Some people give as a way to support causes that are near and dear to their hearts. After my BFF was diagnosed with MS, we gave to that cause, and Alex participated in the MS read-a-thons. And some people give of their time and their energy because they love the feelings – and they are significant – that come from sharing themselves. I volunteered at the schools my children went to, doing everything to washing floors and desks, to teaching little ones their alphabet, to establishing chess clubs, stamp clubs and working on yearbooks. And I had a ball doing it all.

I’ve blogged before about how silly it is to give money when the money you’re giving isn’t really yours. If you’re in debt and aren’t living within your means, you aren’t giving up anything when you share. You’re simply going further into debt. If you don’t have money to give, that doesn’t take you out of the game. Consider donating your time. Volunteers are the backbone of most organizations that are trying to do good things on small budgets. Work in a soup kitchen. Give blood. Offer to do the books or raise money for a small local charity. Giving doesn’t just mean money. And it shouldn’t put you at risk financially.

If you’re determined to live within your means and share, if you’re prepared to take that $60 you would have spent on dinner out and offer it to a good cause, then the next question becomes how to do it wisely.

Make sure the organization you’re supporting is legitimate. There are more than a few ‘charities’ out there that are ineffective, at best, and downright deceitful at worst. The Summer 2010 issue of MoneySense magazine has stepped into the breach and produced The Charity 100 list ranking everything from cultural organizations like the Art Gallery of Ontario to fundraising organizations like the United Way and the Terry Fox Foundation on how efficient and transparent they are.

Local organizations are one thing, but some people like to give to international aid and development. With rumours running rampant about how inefficient these groups are, and how much of the money they raise goes to overheads, you may have wondered if you were doing any good at all. When I saw the article, I immediately checked out Word Vision Canada and was relieved to see that they’d received a pretty good ranking for efficiency and an excellent ranking for governance and transparency. So that means the goats, honey-bees, and books we chose probably arrived in with their legs, wings and pages mostly intact. The children and I like choosing gifts we can give that make us feel we’re making a difference, as opposed to just throwing money in a pot.

Don’t break your giving into tiny morsels. Funding-raising is expensive and small donations are often nibbled away by administrative costs. Focus your gifts rather than reactively scattering them because you got a telemarketing call or someone knocked on your door. Your gifts will not only have more impact, they will be more satisfying.

Find a cause that you are passionate about. Then think about ways in which you can leverage your gift. By combining small amounts with others you can offer a pooled gift that may make a big difference. By challenging others to support causes you consider important, you may involve people who would never have considered giving.  And accepting gifts to your favoured caused in lieu of more stuff is a way to not only simplify your own life but help others’ lives be better.

You probably know that one of the basic laws of economics is that the more we have of something the less value that something has. It’s called the law of demand and supply. In the free market, when there’s plenty of something and/or demand is low, the price goes down because there’s more than people want to buy. When there is very little of something and/or demand is high, the price tends to trend in the opposite direction because there are more people scrambling for the resources, willing to bid up the price. And so we have manufacturers striving for the perfect balance to producing just enough to keep prices at a stable (or rising) place.

Every time we have a sense that something is going to become available only in limited supply, we rush like lemmings into the purchasing fray. Apple says it has just 10 iphones available and people line up around the block to make sure they get theirs. Ticketmaster says there are only 15 tickets available and people sit at their computers ready to pounce on the send key as soon as sales open.  The Scarcity Ploy is regularly used to pull our chains and get us to react. Think of Christmas, the latest Rage Toy that nobody can find in the stores, and the conniptions we go through to finally get our hands on one. Like well-trained circus dogs, we leap through the rings of fire.

Is there any way to take the idea that Scarcity Scares Us and turn it into something productive? Maybe.

Think of how you manage your resources at home. If there’s little sugar in the sugar bowl, do you tip a little less into your morning coffee so you can still have your three cups before you head off to work? If your gas tank is headed toward empty, do you think carefully about where you’ll be driving and how many trips you can consolidate to get to the station before you get to empty?

Since there is never enough time or money to do everything we want to do or have everything we want to have, we make choices. We take a little less sugar in each cup of coffee to stretch it out, barely noticing the difference. We decide to lump a couple of trips into one to save on gas. We let Scarcity Scare Us Sensible.

The exact same principal applies to the people who choose to live on the jars. With a limited cash available in the jar, they become very careful about how they will spend the money because they’ve got to make… it… last.

And so, it turns out, it is the abundance we have created for ourselves that has turned us into wasteful fools. Is it our own success in producing more than we need that has diminished the VALUE of our resources. It is our lack of scarcity that has moved us from planning carefully to thoughtless consumption.

Here’s an experiment for you to try to see just how much impact scarcity has on you, and just how sensible you become with your money when you limit your resources.

• Decide how much you have available in your budget for a want you plan to satisfy: entertainment money, clothing money, food money (above the essentials). Write on a piece of paper the amount you have, and the purpose for that money.
• Now give half of that money to a cause or charity that you feel is deserving. Yes, give away half the money.
• Spend the remaining amount on some albeit cheaper version of what you were going to buy. In other words, you can’t simply NOT BUY ANYTHING until you have more money. You must find a way to satisfy the need or want on your list using only half the cash you started out with.
• Watch your thinking.
• Do you feel deprived? Is it a challenge? How carefully do you weigh your purchases when you have less money to work with? Are you more thoughtful about what you’re doing with your money?

I’ve done this experiment a couple of times, and learned some valuable lessons about how I think and prioritize. Do the experiment and lemme know how it turns out for you.

My children helped to define who I am. Before my daughter, Alex, came along, I was this sex-pot, career-focused over-achiever who thought the world revolved around me. The whole world. (Hey, don’t laugh about the sex-pot thing… you should have seen me in a bikini before babies!) After I had my children I became a much nicer person simply because I realized that I was so much more. I love motherhood. And I’m damn good at it.

One of the things that helped me be such a good mother was the realization that I couldn’t control everything. When my son was about four I found out that he has Asperger’s Syndrome – a classification of autism. Along with it came a significant language disability. And along with that information came the idea that having a child who had some challenges meant I was not in control – in fact, had never been in control — of all that goes on around me.

I have subsequently shared my story about Malcolm in many places, including a story that still lives somewhere on the internet. I received a note recently from a woman who had read my story and taken strength from something we share.

J wrote:

I love Til Debt Do Us Part and have probably watched every episode, but my question is in fact a comment that is not about personal finances (although my husband could learn a thing or two from you!).

I have just read an article you wrote about your son Malcolm and your family’s experience with his hyperlexia. I cannot thank you enough for this article. My son Stephan is 5 and seems to fit all the criteria for hyperlexia, although we are still waiting for his developmental assessment (he has finally been seen by an SLP and is slated for some therapy this summer).

Thank you for sharing your fears, frustrations, and above all your son’s success. I can relate to almost every word and it brings genuine hope to me and my family – instead of constant fear and worry about my little guy’s future.

J’s note got me thinking. Y’all know me as The Money Girl with a pretty good idea of how to put food together. But I’m also the mother of a child with Asperger’s Syndrome. And I’m the mother of a child who is Gifted. I’ve been married three times and in my first Wifely Role was abused, so I continue to work to try to get the message out that abuse is not the fault of the abused. I’m the daughter of an alcoholic, which makes me the cheapest date in town since I’ve made the conscious decision not to drink. I’m a step-mother, a grandmother, and a friend – although I’ve been left on the earth by some people whom I loved dearly and miss like mad. Sometimes I feel lonely. Most times I feel blessed. I work hard to be happy. And I work hard to make as many other people happy as I can, not doing what they want, but being there for a hug or a kiss or an ear.

We are all many people. We’re smart about some things and not-so-smart about some others. We can help people who need what we know, and learn from people who know what we need. But we have to find each other.

It’s funny the different ways the world has of putting people together. I recently watched an inspiring video called The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch, a professor at Carnegie Mellon University. Professor Pausch died of complications from pancreatic cancer this summer at the ripe young age of 47. The gist of his lecture focuses on how he achieved his childhood dreams.

This got me thinking about what my life is like relative to what I thought it would be like, and how I’ve achieved my dreams. I’m not done thinking. It’s a big question.

Too often we get caught up in what is missing from our lives, and forget to look at what we have achieved, the riches with which we are surrounded, and the beauty of every moment. Not to get too sappy, but when was the last time you thought about how WONDERFUL your life is?

Never mind that you are lonely. I’ve been lonely. You change lonely by going out and touching someone. Thanks Brownie.

Never mind that you are sad. I’ve been sad. You change sad by thinking of what you have that you can be grateful for. My beautiful children are always the first things that come to mind.

Never mind that you wish your life were different. I’ve wished my life were different, and then I’ve made it so. Not overnight. No. Big changes take both commitment and TIME. But my life has changed in remarkable ways over my 49 years, often following paths I could never have predicted.

The key, I think, is our willingness to play the hand we are dealt, but play to WIN. Randy Pausch talks about this in his lecture. It’s our willingness to look at the donut, not at the hole in the donut. And it’s in HUGE ways supported by the people with whom we choose to surround ourselves.

If you’re an alcoholic, it would be stupid to hang out with friends who always wanted to go drink their faces off. If you’re a shop-a-holic, it’s stupid to hang out with people who define themselves by their stuff. If you’re predisposed to sadness, its stupid to feed that sadness with ANYTHING – books, music, movies, people – who create sadness for you.

Randy Pausch’s lecture reminded me that I am the author of my fate, that I am responsible for making my own dreams come true, and that it’s all about attitude.

People overcome horrendous obstacles all the time. They are remarkable people. The thing is, I believe WE ARE ALL REMARKABLE PEOPLE, some of us just don’t realize it.

Today, tell someone you love just how remarkable they are. Do this every month. Find someone who is remarkable – you are surrounded by them – and TELL THEM. Find someone you can help and HELP them. Find someone who can help you and ACCEPT their help. We are nothing if we are not connected. We carry within us the spirit and experiences that would allow us to give so much to others. But like your Momma said, you have to learn to share.

What do you have to share? And who are you going to share with TODAY?