Up until that point, I was willing to spend money to impress. When I bought my sports car, I felt great in it. I had vanity plates and I was HOT! When I wore expensive suits, did my hair up, put on my make-up, I did it to impress. I was very young and suffering from a wicked case of Imposter Syndrome, and all the trappings of success meant I was successful.

As I have moved through my life, I’ve been fortunate enough to learn a lot lessons. My children came with a huge number of lessons, some of which I am still trying to master. One of the most important lessons I learned – from my kids, from my reading, from my true friends – is that it doesn’t matter what things look like, it’s what things ARE that’s important

What I have found as I’ve observed those who are still struggling with Imposter Syndrome or The Need to Impress is that they are willing to spend lots of money just to feel they are keeping pace with the trends. If they can pull a little into the lead, even for a few moments, by having a shiny new toy or a slick new th’ang, they’re happy to do so. What I have found among those who no longer have the need to impress is the desire to experience life – in all it’s small and large ways – fully.

Can you imagine being among a group of friends who do not spend their time showing off their new shoes and accepting the “oohs” and “aahs” that are the social requirement? How about being with people who don’t spend their time together sharing bland compliments and insulting those who may not be around? Can you believe she wore those pants? He makes good money, why doesn’t he get a decent haircut!

If you want to be really impressive, focus on being positive towards everyone. It’s fricken hard; I’ve been working on this one a lot. The reason it’s so hard is that it is in our nature to one-up the next guy and when we see the opportunity we often take it. And it is from this that our Need to Impress is born. But you have the opportunity each time you see the situation setting up for a Impress-Fest to guide the conversation to a better place.

Instead of participating in the Mine is Bigger Than Yours game, share your ideas, your learning, your experiences with personal growth. Instead of talking about STUFF, talk about what you’re thinking, feeling, learning. Talk about your dreams. Talk about what you want to accomplish. Talk about your challenges and how you’re dealing with them. And encourage those around you to share their dreams and aspirations.

If your friends are stuck on STUFF, it may be time to find some new friends. No, you don’t have to dump the old ones, but if you want to head off in a new direction, it’s always nice to have a like-minded pal along for the journey. Call up someone you’ve met who you may have thought of as interesting but simply not a good fit for your group and see what they’re up to. Broaden your friendship circles. Broaden your horizons.

The next time you feel the need to use STUFF to make a statement about YOU, ask yourself this: What is it I’m trying to say about me? Is it yet one more attempt to impress? If so, think about this: You’re a pretty special person all on your own. You’re living a unique life. And you have important information to share about how to be happy. Maybe it’s time to let your friends focus on YOU instead of the STUFF.