I’ll be back tomorrow with my Financial Literacy Rant!

Every year the financial industry adds new, ever more complicated financial products. But one of the most popular, the annuity, is an oldie but goodie that dates back to Roman times.

Stripped of all the investment world’s jargon, an annuity is a guaranteed and steady stream of income payments that is established at the time of purchase. A person gives money to a life insurance company and over a set period of time will receive a return of this money plus the income earned.

Have you seen the Cash for Life lotteries? Lucky winners get $1,000 per week for life.  Lottery organizers love them because instead of handing over a pile of money to the winner, they can buy an annuity from an insurance company and that annuity funds the monthly payments to the winner. See, annuities are everywhere.

Most annuities are bought by those nearing or just entering retirement. Popular among the 60s set, they have a distinct tax advantage.  Since those regular annuity payments are made up of both principal and interest and only the interest is taxable, the income doesn’t get gobbled up by taxes. Better yet, the interest can be spread out over the life of the annuity to further minimize taxes.

Perhaps the biggest advantage of the time-tested annuity is that it can be custom-fitted for your particular situation.

Term. If you want your money to last for a particular amount of time, buy a term annuity. Should you die before the term ends, your beneficiary will receive the annuity income payments.

Life Annuities. If you want to make sure there’s money right up until you die, a life annuity is best. You can buy a “single” life annuity for yourself or a “joint” life annuity if you want to make sure your partner also has some money.  Life annuities can be bought with or without a guarantee (insured) period.  If there is a guaranteed period, the annuity will continue to be paid out for the duration of the guarantee even you (the annuitant) die 5 years before (for example).  If there is no guaranteed period, then the 5 years of remaining payments are forfeited to the insurance company.

Indexed Annuity. This type of annuity guarantees a fixed percentage increase in the annuity payment to offset inflation.  Typical rates are 4% increase per year.

Insured Annuity (Back-to-Back Annuity). This is a strategy used to back up a life annuity that does not have a guaranteed period.  As illustrated above, if an annuitant dies earlier than expected, the balance of the life annuity remains with the insurance company.  However if there is a like amount of life insurance coverage in place and the annuitant dies early, the insurance funds will replace the amounts that are left behind by the non-guaranteed annuity.  And the heirs of the estate are happier.

Annuities are among the safest investments around because they are financially backed by Canada’s insurance companies, which, like the banks, are the envy of the world for their stability and asset quality. Insurance companies are backed by a nonprofit organization called Assuris  (www.assuris.ca).  In the event of an insurance company failure, the first $2,000 per month is insured at 100%. Amounts above this $24,000 a year are insured at 85%. Assuris is funded by the life insurance industry and endorsed by the Canadian government.

Why buy an annuity? Well, one reason is that they have a better after-tax return than do GICs. Let’s take a 65-year-old man living in Ontario in the 31.41% tax bracket (income of $40,970 to $65,345). He has $100,000 to invest in either an insured annuity or a GIC paying a rate of 3.25%.

Insured annuity                           GIC
Gross income    $8,165.28                             $3,250
Taxes payable   $742.90                                $1,012.37
Life insurance    $3,240                                  $0
Net Income       $4,182.38                             $2,237.63

To get the same net income of the insured annuity, the GIC would have to pay interest of more than 6%, about double what you can actually get these days. And if you’re in the highest tax bracket, it would have to pay more than 8%. The other advantages an annuity may provide include avoiding OAS claw backs and age amount (age 65) claw back.   Even though current interest rates are low, and people think that’s a reason to hold off on buying an annuity, it’s safe to say that if you’re a very conservative investor, annuities will always give you back more income than GICs because of the way they are taxed.

If you say to yourself, “Why haven’t I heard more about annuities before?” it may be because banks would rather you leave your money with them. As for advisors, only those licensed can sell annuities. Pick the wrong advisor, you’ll never hear a word about annuities. But now that you’ve had the introduction, get to know annuities a little better and you may find you’ve made a new friend.

Brian Poncelet is an independent certified financial planner (CFP) who serves clients in Oakville, Burlington, Mississauga, Toronto and surrounding areas.  Many of Brian’s clients are couples who are working toward retirement or have already retired.  A large number are self-employed. He specializes in finding money that is being transferred unknowingly or unnecessarily.

Here’s a guest post from Faith Hansen who post at her own blog http://www.frugallyfabulousmom.com. Since Faith is an American, a lot of this will only be applicable south of the border. But up here in the great white north, we too have opportunities to use coupons to stretch our dollars, which many of us never really take advantage of. Here are a couple great Canadian sites that you may want to visit if Faith turns you on to coupon shopping. If you’re planning your shopping list anyway, why not make a pit stop at these sites to see if you can save a few bucks by extending your planning to gathering coupons?

http://forum.smartcanucks.ca

www.save.ca

www.gocoupons.ca

www.brandsaver.ca/en_ca/coupons/

http://www.websaver.ca/en_ca/coupons/

http://www.fabuloussavings.ca/

At at www.dealstreet.ca, you can enter your postal code to see what’s on special in your neck of the woods.

Thanks again to Faith for her contribution, and if you have something that you’re passionate on writing about, drop me a line and let me know.

Now, here’s Faith:

I don’t know about you, but I love to stretch each and every hard earned dollar to the max. The more money I can save, the better I feel. Spending money on frivolous items can be quite painful for me. In fact, the thought of losing a quarter in a slot machine makes my tummy turn. Don’t get me wrong, I do love a nice vacation, or a beautiful pair of shoes every once in a while, but I have to think long and hard before I spend the money.

Out of my need to spend money wisely, I came across the world of coupon shopping. My first thought was, “This is not for me.” Who wants to spend time clipping, sorting, and filing little pieces of paper all to save 50 cents? Well it only took one shopping trip to figure out that there was something to this coupon phenomenon. I walked out of the store with $30 worth of groceries (that I needed) for just $6! My 50 cent coupons had really added up! I was hooked, and my savings account was thankful.

Over the next few weeks, I discovered that it really only took me one to two hours per week to get my coupons in order. And, in investing that amount of time, I was saving over 50% on all my daily household needs! It was, and is, definitely time well spent!

Couponing, along with Gail’s budgeting program has helped my husband and I climb out of debt. Obviously, when we sat down to create our budget, we had to cut money somewhere. Food, health and beauty items, household items, and pet items were all areas that had room for improvement and so it was the first area to get cut back. By using coupons, and being a smart shopper our grocery bill is cut back 70% of what if used to be and all that extra money goes toward paying of debt!

I am happy to say, that we are getting very close to being debt free these days and we could not be more excited! If you have ever thought about seriously stretching your dollar at the grocery store, then you need to know the tips and tricks of the trade.

1. No Brand Loyalty! – Be willing to try new things! Coupons change and if your willing to branch out a little bit, you can get some great deals! The same goes for store loyalty. When you start couponing, you will want to go where the best deals are. Now, I don’t mean drive 100 miles to get free ice cream. But if you have a few stores within a couple miles of each other, it would be worth it to make an extra stop.

2. Stockpile – This is key to paying the least amount on your grocery bills. When you find a product at it’s rock bottom price stock up! And I don’t mean buy 2 or 3. If it’s something you use often (like pasta sauce) buy 8, 10, or more! Buy enough to hold you till the next sale (usually 6 to 8 weeks). Of course the amount you need will depend on how big your family is and how often you use a product. Also, remember that you can always get rain checks. If you know your going to buy a large quantity, most stores will let you call ahead and place your order so you don’t wipe out the shelves (your fellow shoppers will appreciate it!).

3. Match Coupons with Sales – This is a must to maximize your savings. If you use a coupon while something is on sale you will save WAY more than if you use your coupon on a regularly priced item. Make your coupon work for you! For example: Cereal is priced at $4.39 a box and you have a $1.00/1 coupon. If you use it on the full priced cereal you will still pay $3.39. If you wait for the sale when cereal is 2 for $3.00 and then you use your $1 coupon it will only cost you $.50!

4. Meal Plan – This goes along with tip #3. Meal Planning with the weekly sales ad can save you massive amounts of money. It will also help you make healthier choices. You won’t be standing in front of the refrigerator, with a blank look on your face, trying to figure out what to make and then just grabbing a burrito. Every week your local grocery store will have a sale on different kinds of meat, produce, etc. If you can plan your meals around what is on sale your savings account will thank you!

5. Sunday Papers – Buy your Sunday Paper! It will have all the local sales ads and coupons in it.

6. Organization – Being organized will not only make couponing easier, it will save you money. There are many different ways to organize your coupons. The key is to find the way that works for you. Some people use and envelope system, others use the box method. I prefer the coupon binder.

7. Be Willing to Buy Products You Don’t Need – Sometimes in order to get products you need for free or cheap, you need to buy products you don’t need. For example, when I first started couponing, there was a deal on blood sugar testing machines. They were priced at $30 and I had coupons for $30 off of 1 machine. Also, for every machine that I bought, I received a $10 RR (Register Reward) from Walgreens. So, they payed me $10 to buy each machine!! I didn’t need them, but I bought 10 of them and donated them to a local Dr.’s office. Then I used the $100 in RR to buy diapers!!

8. Pick Your Cashiers Wisely! – Whenever I go to the store, I always look at the cashiers. All cashiers are not created equal! For the most part, they are all very friendly and helpful. But, occasionally you will find a cashier that gives you a hard time. Don’t let them make you feel bad. Sometimes, they are hesitant because they don’t know too much about coupons. Other times they just might be having a bad day. Then there are the cashiers that love to watch your total go down and are amazed at how much you saved! As you start to do more couponing, you will remember whose line to go through, and whose not to. If you have a bad experience, don’t get discouraged. Your next cashier might be as excited as you!

9. Go Slow – As a new couponer, things can become overwhelming. I still feel overwhelmed at times. Just try to slow down and ease into things. Also, don’t try to get every deal out there. If you miss one, it will come around again. If you need a break, take it! Make couponing work for you. If you have kids old enough, have them help you clip coupons. I clip coupons on Sunday nights while I watch Desperate Housewives. Just have fun, and do what works for you and your family!

Have you ever thought about coupon shopping? Do you think you could spare an hour or two a week to stretch your dollar?

From The Wealthy Barber:

“Disability insurance is the most neglected of all forms of insurance, yet for many people, it’s the most critical insurance need…. A thirty year old has a one in four chance of becoming disabled for one year or more at some point in his or her life…When people are disabled, they don’t just cease to be an asset to their families…they become a liability.”

When I review benefit handbooks, many of my clients are surprised to learn the details of the actual coverage that they carry. Most disability benefits only cover 60% of the employee’s salary and exclude bonuses. Many plans will only cover the first five years of disability and most plans are not indexed to inflation. Many clients are unaware that their disability benefits are not portable and a move to a new company results in a different benefit plan.

As the working population ages and companies are more cognizant of expenses, there is a growing trend for employers to offer “flex dollars” benefits. With this plan the employee is given an allotted sum of dollars from which he must choose from a shopping list of benefits (health, dental, life, short term disability, long term disability, critical illness insurance). While the employee can top up each element of coverage, in general, as the employee gets older, the same dollar allotment buys fewer benefit

The Disability Contract
When you pay for the premium out of pocket there is no tax-deduction, but you receive the benefits tax free. This compares to a company paid policy where you are taxed on the benefits.

A personally owned non-cancellable disability insurance policy is a contract between the individual and the insurance company. As long as the premiums are paid, the policy cannot be cancelled or altered in any way without the individual’s consent.

There are three common clauses used to determine the criteria and length of time for which an insurance company is obliged to pay a claim if you become disabled. This determines whether you can be forced to work, even in some other field at a reduced level of income. These clauses are known as:

• “Any occupation” requires that you must be unable to work in any occupation, regardless of the change in duties or income.
• “Regular Occupation” clause states you must be unable to perform the important duties of your own occupation and not working in any other gainful occupation.
• “Own Occupation” is the most complete yet most expensive clause as it permits you to receive full benefits if you are totally disabled not working in your field but choose to work in another field.

Ask yourself “How likely is it that I could be totally disabled out of my specialty and still be able to work in another?”

Additional contract terms to know
Elimination Period (waiting period) – This is the length of time that must elapse after the onset of the accident or sickness before the insured becomes eligible to receive disability benefits. The typical elimination period for private coverage is 90 days.

Non-Cancelable Contract – Under the provisions of this contract, as long as the premiums are paid, the insurance carrier cannot:

• Cancel the policy
• Change any provisions or add restrictions
• Increase the premiums or add any changes to the existing policies

Features of Disability Insurance
Waiver of Premium: It is important to continue premium payments even after you become disabled especially since you may not receive benefits for 90 days. Many insurers take over paying future premiums while the insured is receiving a disability benefit and some will refund the premiums that were paid during the elimination period.

Future Increase Option: This benefit allows one to increase the benefit by a certain amount at specified intervals without providing evidence of health. You only need to prove earnings. This may be of interest to those who want a robust policy now but to keep premiums low, they take the lowest coverage and enhance the coverage at later time. A chartered accountant, who buys disability insurance and later becomes a roofer, would be an extreme example.

Cost-of-Living Benefit: This benefit ensures that while on claim, the purchasing power of your benefit dollar is increased at specific periods (every 6 or 12 months). There are two formulas which can generally be utilized when applying for coverage:

• CPI index (with or without minimums and maximums)
• Simple interest

Portability: As a general rule, you want the plan to remain as unrestrictive as possible so that future changes in your status or location can be accommodated. An example would be an oil engineer who moves to Saudi Arabia but owns disability insurance purchased 10 years before. Only private plans offer this feature without restriction.

Like all insurance, disability insurance is not well understood by most people. The old adage is true “you get what you pay for”, so do your research.

Level of Benefit

Residual Benefit: A residual benefit is payable if the person is able to work on a limited or reduced basis. For example, an individual with back pain may only be able to tolerate sitting at a desk for 2 hours per day. The level of payout is based on the proportion of lost income relative to the time lost. This provision is essential since most individuals make claims for partial rather than full disability.

Partial Benefit: A partial benefit is also payable if you are working at a reduce level. However, the payout is based on the amount of lost time and duties and there is no requirement to show a loss of income. This is an attractive clause for those who are newly employed and show limited prior earnings (e.g. a new graduate doctor).

Paying for the policy
Why should I pay for a policy when I can just contribute to my RRSPs or savings and hope that I will have enough money should I become disabled? Consider this: If you are forced to withdraw from your RRSPs you will have to pay taxes. A withdrawal of $5,000 could be as little as $2,600 in the end depending on your tax bracket. Additionally, if you are forced to withdraw during a bear market, such as we are currently experiencing, you will be forced to withdraw more units from your mutual funds and potentially at a loss.

If you own an individual disability insurance policy paid from your cash, any claims payment come to you tax free once you have satisfied the waiting period or other contract requirements. This will apply even if you are currently unemployed.

In summary, disability insurance is only one element in the “Risk Management Strategy”. Is it worth spending less than 3% of your gross income to protect your greatest asset, the ability to earn a steady income? Other coverage’s to consider include Life insurance, Critical Illness insurance and Long Term Care insurance.

A few weeks ago, I read a comment by Alicia that expressed her frustration with her credit card company for the “trick” they were playing on her. So I contacted her and asked her to write a Guest Post about her experiences of late. Here’s what Alicia has to say…

People learn many things from their parents.  Mine taught me many great lessons, but sent me to terrible schools for money management classes.  So it’s been an uphill battle as I relearn all the “skills” I learned at the financial schools my parents sent me to.

First, they sent me to Ostrich Elementary School where I learned that if I simply ignore my bills (bonus points for extra credit if I threw them out without opening them), I will have to declare bankruptcy and I will get an A+ for making my bills disappear.

Second, they sent me to Junk’R’Us High School where I learned that if I buy junk food for my body and junk for my house (bonus points for extra credit if I could buy things and get one at 50% off even though I couldn’t use the second item), eventually I will become so sick I will have to have doctors and family members take responsibility for my body and house.

Next I sent myself to the Try-to-Figure-it-Out-On-My-Own University, where I relied on myself to make a giant financial hole.

Then I discovered distance education and have become a Gail disciple (and I get bonus points for extra credit for using the magic jars!)

But lo and behold, the creditors keep trying to take away my bonus points for extra credit!  These schoolyard bullies are trying to keep me firmly at the bottom of the financial hole I dug during my early twenties (bonus points for extra credit for them if they can get me to keep my husband and son there too).

Last week I received my RBC Visa statement, and the tricksters had written me a lovely little message, asking me to “Take a Break this month”:

“Because you are a valued cardholder, we would like to offer you a … payment holiday by waiving your minimum payment this September.  Of course you may make a payment if you wish.  Standard monthly interest charges will continue to accrue and the minimum payment on your next monthly statement will be calculated in the usual way.”

Take a break?  Really?  Sounds too good to be true, so I remembered one of the first lessons I learned from Gail – figure out the total cost of something before you buy it!

If I paid the minimum September payment, my October balance would be $2,155.35. If I took the break, and didn’t make a payment, then my October balance would be $2,203.05.

This means that the “break” would cost me $47.70 dollars on top of my current bill! Ludicrous!  Why on earth would I pay RBC Visa $47 so I could skip my September payment – my minimum payment amount for September would be less than that!

This is what really just takes the cake though: I have no idea what my September minimum payment is because it’s not listed anywhere on my bill!

Good thing Gail offers distance classes via her website and “To Debt Till Us Part”! Thanks to her lessons, I know that making minimum payments is a guaranteed way to get failing grades.  And I would never, ever risk detention by taking a payment break!  For extra credit, I’m going to switch credit card companies to someone with less sneak attacks on my money!

I’m looking forward to graduation day, when I can proudly sign my name:

Alicia, D.F.  (debt-free)!

I read a post on my site by a woman named Maureen Nowosad, who was not only sensible but also funny, a tough combination to find. I have subsequently learned that she is also a phenomenal optimist with a huge heart and a indominatable spirit. I asked Maureen to tell her story in a Guest Post. And here it is in her unique and loquacious style. Enjoy!

Once upon a time in a department store far, far away a beautiful, young Peasant Girl fell in love with a handsome, young Merchant Prince and his 20% off manager’s discount credit card.

The Lovebirds thought the world a perfect place and could not have been any happier. Ahhhh. Poor, foolish, innocent Babes in Toyland. Little did they know that from the moment they set up house together that dastardly Wizard, Maxed Out von Visa, had cast an evil spell over them, filling them with a false sense of entitlement and leaving them helpless to resist the BuyNowPayForever promises of those horrible Hobgoblins, Amex and MasterCard

Before they had vowed to love and honour, through sickness and health, for richer or poorer etc. etc. etc. our Soulmates had been thought of as bright and sensible. But under this evil spell they created really dumb debt, really quickly and lost all Common Sense and Sense of Proportion along the way.

The particularly wicked thing about this evil spell was that it turned good intentions into bad.

The Prince loved his Sweetheart so much that all he wanted was to be able to fulfill her every wish. He lived to spoil her and he did. Rotten to the core. Never imagining how this would poison their lives.

In return, our big-hearted Peasant Girl wanted to make her Truelove’s life picture-perfect – just like in the magazines and on the soap operas. And yet, almost overnight, she turned into a giddy Mall Rat Diva who lived to be spoiled and had become completely addicted to the thrill of the shop.

One pair of glass slippers was no longer enough; she needed to have the latest fashions as soon as they hit the stores or she would just DIE of embarrassment. The little thatched cottage in the woods was acceptable as a bachelor pad, but as a home for a Princess Bride? PuuuuhLEASE. Besides, the shabby furniture did not match the new recliner throne so it all had to go – but first some textured velvet drapes and flying carpets would be nice. And since living in a good neighbourhood was important for his career, they had to move into a huge, shiny new castle with a huge, shiny new mortgage. And then of course -nag, nag, nag – Little Miss Muffet just couldn’t be seen driving around in that rusty old pumpkin anymore. She needed something with enough mouse power to reflect her newfound status and impress her loyal subjects and the other Aristocrats. Especially that snotty Duchess and her endless bragging about luxury cruises to Never-never Land.

Both the Prince and Princess worked very hard but partied harder, never once thinking of such a tedious thing as consequences. With the arrogance of youth they were sure that they had everything under control and remained blissfully unaware that as their lives grew more materialistic their love had begun to change.

At first when the bills started coming in they laughed and said “Oh well, you only live once!” but after a few months they discovered that when you only live once you actually die a thousand deaths every time you open a credit card statement.

So they paid and paid but fell further and further behind because it never occurred to them to just slow down. To keep up with this life style of instant gratification the Prince got a better job and the Princess got a second job.

Problem solved. So they kept buying expensive baubles to celebrate everything and nothing and show the world how happy and successful they were. But everything has a hidden cost. They saw less and less of each other.

Years passed in a whirlwind of denial followed by storms of regret until sadly it came to pass that the only man in the Kingdom who could make the Princess laugh until she peed her pantaloons didn’t laugh much anymore. When confronted with a final notice from King Cole Hydro the Prince simply refused to talk about it and turned back to channel surfing through 75 boring cable channels until he found a new infomercial to mesmerize and tempt.

The Princess grew sullen and found comfort in a tub of Haagen-Dazs Mocha Almond Fudge ice cream. When confronted with a bounced check she would toss her head in defiance and say, “I’ll think about that tomorrow”.

Her Royal Highness had complete confidence that His Highness would always find a way out, never once thinking about the stress she was putting him through. But then there came a day when her Knight in Shining Armour could not ride to the rescue because he had to leave his gas guzzling steed at the garage until he could find enough money to pay the feed bill.

This shocked the Princess filling her with self pity and fear so she unfairly blamed the Prince and wounded him to the depth of his soul by proclaiming “Well, I guess I just can’t depend on you anymore.” Fighting words for sure but because their love was still stronger than their disappointment they kissed and made up. Because of this narrow escape they turned over a new leaf – by borrowing from the Treasury to keep the moneylenders at bay.

Constant worry led to constant bickering and under the weight of all the old and new debt the walls of the palace were beginning to crack and they couldn’t plug the holes fast enough.

The determined Princess resented the economies that were forced upon them and found very cunning ways to fool the Prince and juggle the minimum payments. Instead of feeling the love in his heart, our proud Provider began to feel the ulcer in his stomach.

It is a tragic day when your rose coloured glasses turn clear and trust turns to dust. Up until this time when he had gazed upon her the Prince still saw his beautiful Peasant Girl but now he began to see a Wicked Little Witch. And as for the Princess – well, some days she still saw the Prince but most days it was the Frustrated Frog.

Every fairy tale has an Unfriendly Giant and Terrible Ogre and this one is no exception. In our tall tale we have the tedious Troll from the collection agency who telephoned to threaten every ten minutes and the Ugly Bank Manager who got really mean and nasty and said “No more consolidation loans for you. You are broke and you need to fix it.”

Now you would think that this kiss of death would have awakened Spending Beauty and Sir Chargealot from Dreamland, but did our Hero and Heroine learn a valuable lesson? Heck no.

Even with the Wolf huffing and puffing at the door and the flames from the Fire Breathing Dragon of Revenue Canada threatening to burn down their straw palace they just kept robbing Grumpy and Dopey to pay Sneezy and Happy while ignoring Sleepy, Bashful and Doc.

Over extended, overdrawn and overdue and yet they still couldn’t help going overboard. Apparently the dishonour of looming bankruptcy just wasn’t enough to turn them away from the lure of yet another ‘No-Money-Down-No-Interest-For-A-Year’ clearance sale or to question the irresistible appeal of that “I can get it for you wholesale” Sleazy Salesman.

Unexpectedly our Busy Bees received substantial raises so for a whole year they grew up and paid their bills. However, a zero balance jinxed them again and by the end of the month they were left without a crumb to their name.

Make believe is hard to sustain and our Humpty and Dumpty were heading for a fall. They thought they hid it well from the outside world but soon snide remarks from rivals, smug looks from neighbours and wistful sighs from loved ones became impossible to ignore.

Finally with the pressure building and even whispers of D-I-V-O-R-C-E echoing through the halls of the palace they went to the King and Queen with crown in hand and begged to borrow a King’s ransom. And like many a loving but misguided parent who just wanted her children to be happy and didn’t understand that she could not solve their money problems with money, Her Majesty said “Sure. If we haven’t got enough coin of the realm in the Royal coffers, we’ll hawk the crown jewels. Do you need a kidney too?”

The Queen should have listened to the King when he said “No way, we scrimped and saved and deserve to get that RV and hip replacement” but after fifty years of finger wrapping she knew his mumble was worse than his bite.

So Jack and Jill got their reprieve and continued on their not-so-merry way having once again deftly avoided financial ruin. .

The sun still shone and the stars still glowed brightly but like the moon, the fortunes of our Not-So-Perfect couple continued to wax and wane. Returning to the King and Queen for ever more handouts eroded their self-respect but a healthy ego can instantly banish shallow regret. It’s sad how an act of generosity can taint family relationships almost beyond repair.

By this time Romeo and Juliette were practically strangers, for after all, just how intimate can you get when one of you is always sleeping on the balcony? So it seemed like a good idea to get some therapy. Of course their idea of a relationship rescue was to cash in their air miles points and go on vacation using a new credit card that had accidentally been approved. The only therapy they got was retail or that which came in a tall glass with a little plastic umbrella.

When our feckless spendthrifts returned home and realized that this time the well really had run dry, they sobered up. That is until they discovered the convenience of a Pay Day Cash Advance. Why put off living for two weeks when such a nice man was willing to trust you and advance what, after all, was really just your own hard earned money? Twisted logic, but it worked.

Now at this point someone, anyone, should have jumped in and just slapped the stupid right off of these two but I guess all the Superheroes were busy leaping tall buildings. The simple moral of this part of the story is that there is no such thing as a free lunch especially when a Loan Shark is the host and you are the main course. You do the math: 1,369% interest is not a good deal.

One day from the bottom of a black hole the Prince looked around with dissatisfaction at his career and all the stuff he had bought in order to prove to himself that life was worth living and realized that none of it was worth what he was still paying for it.

Unknown to him at that very same moment the Princess was gazing at her reflection in their new ten-slice toaster and thinking – This tiara doesn’t work. Oh Mirror, Mirror, all our youth has passed by. I don’t want us to keep living this lie.

And somewhere in the distance a bell rang.

That evening the Prince strode into the palace with a new sense of purpose and shouted, “Where are you my Wasteful Wench?” He found his Depressed Darling flaked out on the sofa watching Desperate Housewives and swept her into his arms saying, “I have abdicated and am getting off of this merry-go-round. Are you with me?”

“Oh Yes!” she cried with her lace bodice (30% off at Sears) heaving with emotion. “I will follow you anywhere but how shall we break the spell? I wish we could just snap our fingers and turn back the clock so that when it strikes midnight tonight we could go straight from red to black.”

No sooner had these words passed her lips than there was a flash and channel changing puff of smoke and on the screen there appeared a beautiful, curly haired Fairy Godmother who said:

“Let me drop my wand and have a look around
Tch! Tch! Six months of paper work and what a mess I’ve found
But live by my rules with cash in the jars
And in a twinkle I’ll turn you into solvent superstars

I know that some lessons are hard to learn
But a simple one is that you can’t spend more than you earn
So if you insist on hiring the Piper when you cannot pay
Someone else will call the tune and you’ll have to obey

With no more interest accruing and careful spending
At long last you will find your happy ending
So go forth and live and love with a pure and responsible heart
And never again let debt push you apart”

So they did. The End – almost.