What they can’t come to grips with is the fact that owning a home means not spending money in restaurants, on new clothes, on vacations so you can build up a down-payment. It also means not going out three nights a week to party with friends because now you have a mortgage and a whole bunch of around-the-house things to get done.

Deciding what you really, really want means that you not only paint a clear picture of the home, but you also do your best to predict and understand the consequences of owning a home.

Everything in life comes with upsides and downsides. If you’re only looking at the upsides when you’re making your decisions, you’ll be unhappily surprised when the downsides come along.

Having children has huge upsides. In my life, nothing has been better. But having children also has enormous responsibilities, and if you’re not prepared for them, they can take your breath away. Ditto deciding to go back to school, changing your career, moving to a new country or part of the country, and becoming Debt-Free Forever.

People often tell me that they know what they want. Just as often however, they’re not clear on what they really, really want. And that manifest in the fact that their behaviour does not match their words.

It’s important to understand and accept the consequences of your choice and integrate both the upsides and the downsides into your plan.  Sure, you may not be able to go out three nights a week with friends, but you can hold a game night or have a Dessert for Dinner evening where everyone brings something to the table. And you may be stuck home with baby, but that won’t stop you inviting all the other stuck-home-with-baby people over for poker night or to watch the latest DVD release.

Deciding what you want is only the first step in getting what you really, really want. You must also accept both the upsides and the downsides, planning for how you’ll enjoy and deal with your life when you do make your dream come true.

When I’m done shooting and the cameras are off I hear from over in left field, “Tell me what you want, what you really, really want.” Yup, that’s John, my sound guy, singing the Spice Girls. I just about peed I was laughing so hard. John’s a 50-something musical genius and to hear him doing the Spice Girls was really, really was funny.

But I digress.

One of the mistakes some people make when they’re talking about debt is that they focus on moving away from something. But amongst those that know what really motivates us is the theory that it is easier to move towards a goal.

Imagine you’re a circle sitting in the middle of a page. If you’re moving away, you could be going off in any direction. So imagine there are a whole bunch of arrows pointed all over the place.

Now imagine that you’re a circle sitting in the middle of a page and that you want to move towards the bottom left-hand corner of the page. You have a pretty clear sense of direction, right? One arrow. Direct.

That’s the thing about knowing where you want to be, which is why I put such a big emphasis on getting to Debt-Free Forever, as opposed to just getting out of debt. Can you see the diff?

Most often when you ask people what they want from their lives they give you a vague answer. They’re not really moving towards anything specific. But you can’t wait for life to move you to a place that feels good. You have to decide what you want, what you really, really want and head off in that direction.

If you want your life to change you have to make a clear decision about where you want to go next. Bitching about how much your life sucks won’t get you there. And moaning about how hard it is won’t make the journey any easier. Instead, celebrate the honor and privilege of having the freedom to make a choice and be grateful that you get to decide where your life goes next.

When you’re deciding what you really, really want, make sure it is, in fact, what you really, really want.

Okay, Gail, enough with the “really, really’s.”

Not yet. More tomorrow.

New Years are celebrated because they’re offer the sense that you get a Do-Over, you can wash clean the slate and make your life everything you want it to be. That’s why people make all those resolutions.

• I resolve to quit smoking.
• I resolve to lose weight.
• I resolve to get out of debt.
• I resolve to save some money.
• I resolve to kick the people who drag me down out of my life.

I don’t make resolutions. I find them distracting. Instead I make changes.

First I make a plan. I set downs the steps I’m going to take, put some timelines in place, and decide things will be different. I don’t resolve to make them different, I MAKE them different.

Usually the changes involve adding some newness to my life. I love new. Not new stuff so much as new adventures.

You’ll see some changes here this year. Next week I’ll introduce you to six new bloggers (all in their own section, so you’re not losing me, don’t fret). They’ll take you on their journey as they hunt down their demons, grab their lives by the scruff of the necks and make their way into the future.

I’m also introducing a couple of new topic ideas on my blog. I’m much more than just a good money manager, and I want my blog to start reflecting some of the other things that I love. I asked how you felt about this and a number of you were resistant because you didn’t want to lose the money advice you count on. Don’t worry. I’m going to keep blogging about money. But I am going to take hump day back to blog about something other than money.

I love to cook. I like to knit. I’m an avid reader. I’m a fab mom with some very unusual tactics. I’m an immigrant, I’ve been married, divorced, a step-parent, a grandparent,  a teacher of children from both ends of the “special needs” spectrum, and a friend. Well, those are some of the things that have shaped me and my interests.

I look forward to another year with a great group of people on this site. You have been my strength through tough times. You’ve made me laugh until I peed. You’re a fabulous community and I’m glad to share my life with you. Here’s to 2012 and all it can be.

Now it’s your turn. What do you have planned for your 2012?

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.

Yes, you can! But you have to know what direction you want to go in. One of the biggest mistakes people make is not deciding what they really, really want. So they head off in all different directions without a clear sense of what they have to do to achieve what they really want.

Once you know what you really, really want – do you want to save a downpayment for a house, or eat out three nights a week? – you have to get moving. Action begets action.

And when things start to happen,
don’t worry. Don’t stew.
Just go right along.
You’ll start happening too.

To be happening, you have to be moving. Put momentum on your side and you’ll keep going. Open up that pay-yourself-first downpayent savings account, and move the $400 a month you’ve decided to commit automatically. Now there’s no money for dinners out, but you’re growing your stash of cash that will take you to where you really, really want to be: in a home of your own.

Don’t expect the journey to where you’re going to always be a smooth one. Life happens, and you have to be flexible enough to cope.

I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true
that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.

And when you’re in a Slump,
you’re not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.

This is what separates those who are serious about achieving their goals from those who are just dreaming. The folks who are waiting for whatever they want to fall into their laps end up confused by the wiggly roads they must venture down. But waiting around for “the fish to bite” or “a better break” won’t get you to the place you want to be.

If you’re serious about what you want to achieve you won’t be happy to wait to see what life brings you. You’ll want to take charge, make a plan, take a step… a carefully planned step ‘cos you’ll “remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act.”

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)

If you’re not yet convinced you’re in charge of your life, buy this book and keep it beside your bed. Read it and read it and read it again. And if you have children, this is one of the best messages you can ever impart: you’re in charge of your life, and if you know it, Oh! The Places You’ll Go!

• how you came up with your saving strategy (your motivation, why you wanted to save or your source for the savings idea)
• how much you ended up saving using your strategy, and
• what you did with your “savings.”

Contest closes on Friday, April 29th at midnight.

People are always writing to me to ask me how I think they’re doing financially. They send me gobs and gobs of info and then want to know how they measure up. I try to encourage people to measure themselves against themselves. But the questions, they keep coming.

Did you know that Royal Bank has a “How Do You Stack Up?” tool. You put in your income, your savings, your debt and your province of residence and the calculator shows you how you measure up against other Canadians and against others in your province or territory.

If you’re a single person living in Ontario earning $36K a year with no savings and $7,500 in debt, the calculator will tell you that you’re making about almost $7000 less than the average for Ontario, but just $3,000 less than the average for Canada. The average net worth for an Ontario res is $192,502 (home ownership accounts for a lot of that), while net worth for Canada comes in at $163,535. If you were living in BC, you’d be worse off net worth-wise since the average in BC is 210,108, but you’d be more in like on income since BC’ers average income for singles is just over $40K.

What if you’re a couple just starting out and you have a family income of $55,500? You have a house worth $367,000 and almost as much debt in mortgages and student loans? Well the calculator can’t cope with those numbers (really?) but you will be taken to a screen that shows national and provincial averages.

You’ll see that  the average real estate asset holdings for a Canadian family just starting out is just under $262,000 while for Ontario it’s just over $304,000. You’ll also see that the average GIC holding in Canada is $16679, the average bond holding is $7,506, the average stock portfolio is worth $43,240 (which begs the question, “Why does investing get so much space in our financial pages?” Oh, yeah, advertising!) The average mutual fund portfolio is at $39,436 and the average balance in our chequing and savings accounts is $8,014. Hey, I know a lot of people … and I mean a LOT of people with less than $8 in their accounts, so some people are holding a bundle. Say “Hurrah” for emergency funds. Then you click on Liabilities to see the debt story.

• Credit card debt = $4,716
• Mortgage debt = $163,357
• Loan debt = $18,948
• Line of credit debt = $33,334

For a total debt load of $220,355

Compared to a total asset base of $376,875

For a net worth… drumroll please… $156,520.

So, how are you doin’?

The Prairies get lumped together (no wonder people out west are always so pissed off at the rest of Canada) as if life in Saskatchewan is anything like life in Alberta! Ditto Atlantic Canada. So if you live in these regions, you’ll have to settle for less specific info.

The family types offered range from those I’ve mentioned to:

• Couples already established
• Families, oldest child under 12
• Families, oldest child 12-18
• Families, oldest child 18+

While I don’t think we should be comparing ourselves to others, I do think looking at our financial picture in the context of national and regional averages can be useful in helping us to see where we fit in the big economic picture.

If you find this useful, use it.

If you think it’s a load of hooey, ignore it.

My goals for the next year are mostly about living well. I know I’ll be making more episodes of Princess. We begin shooting in April, so these episodes will likely hit the air in the fall  or winter of 2011.

I know I’ll be doing some book promotion stuff for Never Too Late in January. And I’ve got a few speaking gigs (sorry, folks, they’re private events). I’m hoping to do a little travelling: I haven’t spent any decent time with my cousin Vansie for a long time. I miss her and we plan to catch up this February. She’s going to teach me to knit socks.

I usually take the kids somewhere in March, but with Alex at university now and her reading week showing up in Feb, our schedules are a little off. So I’m not sure what I’ll do with the March Break. Malcolm doesn’t really enjoy travelling, though I make him do it from time to time to expand his world;  maybe some stay-at-home stuff.

I do want to learn something new this year. Last year I took up knitting and I’m still enjoying it immensely. It also got me back into crocheting, which I had forgotten but picked up pretty quickly again. I need to learn something new this year. So one of my goals is to identify that something new that I want to learn (by the end of January) and get started learning (in February).

Remember as you’re setting your goals, to set a timeline for them too. If you want to arrive at your goal on time, then you have to set a deadline. Whether you’ve decided to start saving for retirement, buy a home, or have a baby, if you don’t set a date for your goal it is still just a dream. And if you aren’t clear on what it is you want to achieve, you’re going to find the road far more winding than it need be.

Clarity requires that you take a somewhat general goal and put in all the detail to make it very specific. A general goal would be, “Pay off my debt.” A specific goal would be, “I want have my $1,345 credit card balance paid off in full by September 2011.”

Some goals are huge and that makes them very intimidating. That’s what “learning something new” could be for me if I let it.  So I’ll break it into a bunch of smaller steps:

1. Think about what I’ve enjoyed doing, and see if there are similar things I can do: macramé, sewing, and the like.
2. Research art-based activities to see what catches my fancy: I already like painting in oils, maybe I’ll look into water-colour lessons.
3. Look outside the box: Investigate other ways I can use my brain to learn something new, like take a course in something I’ve always been interested in, or learn a new language.  This is the top dog right now, but I’m still grappling with Spanish, which I already have a little basis in, French, because I live in a French-speaking country or Japanese so I can speak to my Grandson in his other primary language.
4. I miss my horses something fierce. Perhaps taking riding lessons, or just finding a place to hang with some horses make sense so I can get back in touch with those beasties.

If you’re working on a really big goal, don’t let its size intimidate you. If you have no emergency fund now and you intend to establish the suggest six months’ worth of essential expenses before the end of the year, that can seem like a daunting task. So break it down into smaller, more manageable pieces. Don’t make the goal be so big that frustration gets in the way. Chopping it into attainable steps means you’re much more likely to succeed. So instead of, “I’ll have six months’ worth of essential expenses or $12,000 saved,” try “I will have $1,500 saved by March 2011.”

Remember that the goals you set must be things you are both willing and able to achieve. While you are the only one who can decide just how high your goal should be, pulling numbers randomly out of the air isn’t the way to do it. If you want to do some renovations to the house in 2012 and you expect those renos will cost $12,000, then you’ll have a year to save $1000 a month to meet your goal. If there’s no way on this sweet earth you can swing that $1000, setting the goal will be a sure path to failure. Instead look at what you want to achieve and make it realistic. Will you choose to do less expensive things to your home and stick with your time frame? Or will you extend your time to save so you can put away an amount you can actually manage to be able to make the renovations you really want?

I’m hoping that 2011 brings you all the things that your little hearts desire. You’re off to a good start if you’re taking the time to set some goals. But I want you to remember that just because you set yourself a goal, that doesn’t mean the path you walk to achieve your dream will be a smooth one. Most paths have some rocks, a few holes, and the odd dragon. You’re going to have to be determined to get to where you want to be.

Okay, your turn: How did you do on your 2010 goals? What kinds of goals you’ve set yourself for 2011? Is there anything I can do to help?

There is, after all, a natural rhythm to our emotions – peaks and valleys. When we start something new, there’s the rush of mental and physical activity. We make the plans, draw up the debt repayment plan, create a chart to show how we’re doing. By week 16, we’re pretty sick of not having any money to buy coffee, packing our lunch for work, and having to tell our partner, our children, our friends, that we’re broke and can’t spend any money.

While the initial burst of energy is what we need to get us going, the inevitable slump that follows can be enough to stop us in our tracks, if we let it. But if you know it’s going to come, and you develop a strategy for dealing with it, you’re much more likely to wade through and get back on track with your big goal.

Being prepared for the let-down is key. Instead of giving into the negativity, step back and take a good look at why you’re feeling frustrated, angry or depressed. Are you disappointed by your results? Are your feelings even justified? Or are they simply part of the natural emotional rhythm?

When you did your debt repayment plan, you decided how long it was going to take to get out of the hole. If you went with the full 36 months, you have to be prepared for several slumps along the way. If you aren’t prepared, your emotions may drive you to go out and spend money on credit that will only worsen your situation. But knowing that a slump is going to come means you can be ready with a tactic for dealing with that slump.

Friends and family, a mate, your kids can all help with this. So can your dog, cat or bird. Talk to them. Tell them how you’re feeling. Describe your frustration, your anger, your sense of helplessness. Get it out of your head. Then ask them what they think. But don’t let them answer. (You’ll have to warn the ones who can speak to keep quiet here.) No. You must find the words that you need to hear to put yourself back and track and say them out loud so your brain can hear them. (Leaving it up to someone else to motivate you won’t work. You need to re-motivate yourself.)

Haul yourself out of the emotional dumper and turn those negative thoughts to something useful: positive ones. Remind yourself that this is a realistic path you’re on, and it will take time. Count your successes – no matter how small – thus far, and give yourself a hug. Remind yourself what you’re trying to accomplish and what your life will be like when you reach your goal.

Dealing with the emotional lows is part of the process when you’re trying to achieve something big. While we like to give into our emotions, imbuing them with more power than they rightly should have, if you do, you’ll kick yourself later.  Emotions are thoughts. Thoughts are in your mind. Your mind is yours to control. Change your thoughts and you’ll change your emotions.

Don’t be surprised with negative emotions pop up and threaten your momentum. That’s the way the mind works. But you’re bigger than any barrier your mind can create for you. And you know you’re on the right path. Focus on what you’ve accomplished, on what you will accomplish, and take another step forward. Momentum will turn back in your favour. At least for a while. Then you can rebuild your emotional strength to deal with the next emotional hurdle. It’ll come. But you can get over it. Yes you can.

But just because something isn’t “comfortable” doesn’t mean it isn’t good for us. I still use my sales skills today as I try to get an important message across to someone with whom I’m working. And the media thing… well, that turned into a career on TV. And while I limit my public speaking because of my other commitments, I do it without a minute’s flutter in my tummy.

Learning to take control of your money can be much the same. Initially, as you have to face your past mistakes and the weight of your challenge, you may want to duck and hide. Don’t. Facing up, doing the tough thing, being uncomfortable for a while will bring loads of benefits and, ultimately, peace of mind.

Of course, you have to start with your own definition of success. Don’t let anyone else tell you how much is enough or how easy or complicated to make the process. That’s for you to decide. Even as I give you “instructions” for how to do things on this site, they are meant as starting points. You must take them and make them your own. You must have a sense of what is “good enough” so you can achieve some satisfaction.

I’ve recently received a rash of emails (these things always seem to come in batches) from people telling me that they’ve adapted my interactive budget to work better for them. Some sound almost apologetic. No need, folks. I’m happy that I could provide a starting place and that you’ve taking the initiative to customize. I’m thrilled that you’ve made it “good enough” for you.

Princess will be coming on the air shortly (September 7) and you’ll notice that I’ve introduced a new skill set: goal setting. I believe that you need to not only know where you want to be, but define very clearly the steps you’re going to take if you want to make a change. You’ll see me talk about long- and short-term goals. Long-term goals help you keep perspective, while short-term goals help you sustain your momentum and give yourself a pat on the back a little more regularly. So it’s important to have both.

Goal setting doesn’t start with a piece of paper… that’s where it should go eventually, but it starts in your ability to dream, to imagine your future, to put yourself someplace that feels great. When I started thinking about redoing my backyard, I didn’t just jump on it and head out to buy flagstones and moss. Nope, I imagined it. I’m spending an entire year just watching that back yard, imagining what will go where as the sun moves through it in spring, summer and autumn. Hey, a lot of the fun is in the planning and I’m not about to short-change the dreaming for the sake of having a “perfect” backyard.

Know that the biggest tip that you’re on the right track is when both your head and your gut agree. Remember, this isn’t about comfortable; this is about that little voice that says, “This is it. Keep going.” If you’re not really sure if your head and heart are in the right place, think about what achieving the goal will feel like. That should help put you on the right track.

Growth is hard. Change is hard. And doing something different  – even something that’s good for you – isn’t always comfortable. Accept the discomfort as the first sign that you are thinking (and acting?) differently, and give yourself room to grow. Don’t be too hard on yourself; mistakes happen, just recognize them and move on.  And when you’re successful, look at what you did that worked and incorporate that approach into your next challenge.

—————

I’ve been asked to open up Gail Clubs for Pennsylvania and Alameda, CA. If you live in these areas and would like to join, go check out what’s happening on the Gail  Club Board.

BTW, for those of you who are interested in starting a Gail Club, a great way to get some momentum is to see if you have friends, co-workers or family who would like to help you get started. Over time your circle will widen as y’all bring other friends, co-workers and family into the club.

Imagine, a home-party about good financial sense instead of about spending money. What a concept!

Working with Princesses has also shown me that people who watch and read about celebrities all the time create a new reality for themselves – a reality with standards they often cannot afford.

With our attention being pulled in a million different directions, we end up overloaded and spread too thin. Have you been feeling distracted? Does your life feel chaotic? Have you lost focus?

Once you accept that you can choose what you will put your attention – and effort – to, that you are in charge of your reality, you can change your focus to the things that you consider to be really important. Knowing what you want will go a long way to getting you there. Like they say in driving: your car goes where your eyes are. Look at a wall, the fence, the ditch and you’ll drive right into it. Look down the road to where you want to be, and that’s where you’ll go.

Ditto you life. Whatever you pay attention to becomes your reality. Focus on friends and family, what makes you happy, and the things you love to do and you’ll have a great life. Focus on what you don’t have, what you wish you could have that others seem to enjoy, or the things that suck at work and your reality will suck too.

1. Choose what you take in. I can’t watch war movies. Ever since I saw The Deerhunter and wept uncontrollably for days, I’ve avoided war movies like the plague. I don’t care how great the acting is, how wonderful the directing, war movies destroy me. Since I was raised in the Jewish faith, I also can’t deal with anything to do with the holocaust. I have residual memory, maybe. Or my empathy makes me feel the pain as very real. That’s not to say I can’t watch any sad movies. When I watch the movie Seven Pounds I cried and I was blown away. But I didn’t become despondent. I could celebrate the story, not suffer from it. So now I choose very carefully what comes into my mind so I can stay focused on being happy, which is one of my on-going goals.

2. Limit who you hang with. People can inspire you. People can pollute you. You get to choose the kind of people you hang out with. Well sometimes you get to choose. The rest of the time you have to come up with a coping mechanism for dealing with their negative energy. But just being aware that they are sapping your optimism is often enough to help you limit your exposure.

3. Choose your activities. Ever found yourself agreeing to do things and then scratched your head as the date approached? Do you end up over-committing to an abundance of activities and social encounters? Maybe you’re doing yourself in. After all, it’s pretty difficult to focus on what you really want when you allow everything else to become a distraction. Choose what you give your attention to and then give it your full attention. Multitasking is losing it’s allure as we realize that we aren’t enjoying our lives anymore, just getting lots of stuff done. Cooking a meal? Chop those peppers with your focus on the peppers. Enjoy the sound and the smell and the colour. Answering your friend’s email. Don’t also answer the phone. You’ll get distracted and lose your train of thought. More importantly, you won’t be focused on what you’ve committed to do.

Once you’ve decided to focus your attention on anything, stay focused. There will always be a cascade of information trying to get your attention. But if you know what distracts you, you can put things in place to avoid those distractions. If you do get distracted, once you catch yourself, re-focus. Breathe. Get back to what’s really important. And stay focused on a positive outcome.

Well you can change. You just have to want to change. And then you have to implement the change slowly and sensibly.  And it’s a good idea to replace bad habits with good ones since leaving a void is tantamount to guaranteeing failure. As Ben Franklin said, “Your net worth to the world is usually determined by what remains after your bad habits are subtracted from your good ones.”

Life is a series of routines we play out habitually. We get up at a certain time, shower or brush our teeth, get dressed. Some of us make our beds. Some of us have to make lunch for the kids. Some of us can’t get our eyes open without three cups of coffee.

Once upon a time I rolled out of bed and headed for the shower never looking back. When I moved to my new home and had a beautiful new bedroom all to myself, I decided to form the habit of making my bed. I’ve NEVER made my bed, but I so loved the look of my pretty room that I decided that habit was worth forming. It was almost as if this small change would mark the differentiation between my last life and this new life on which I was embarking. I’ve made my bed every morning since.

So how do you make habit your friend? How do you invite organization and purposefulness in to replace the chaos that is driving you nuts right now?

Start by writing down what it is you want to achieve. If there are things that trigger you to do The Bad Habit, try and identify those too. If after a horrible day at work you just HAVE to have a glass or three of wine, that might be your “trigger.” If you have a glass or three every evening – and always seem to have a trigger, you may simply be looking for an excuse to continue The Bad Habit. Tell yourself the truth. You can’t change as long as you continue to delude yourself.

Having figured out what you want to change, it’s time to find a replacement Good Habit as a substitute so you’re not trying to replace The Bad Habit with Nothing. Instead of that glass of wine, for example, you could go for a 10-minute walk, breathing deeply, and observing the beauty of life around you.

Don’t try to change too many things at once. Changing will be tough enough without piling a whole bunch of changes into the mix at the same time. Pick one thing and focus on that until you’ve got it down pat. You want to be successful so give yourself some time and keep it simple.

And start small. If the first habit you choose to change is a whopper, you won’t have had a series of small successes that you can use to prove to yourself that it can be done. Instead you’ll have a colossal screw-up that proves that you just can’t change.

Motivation is probably the biggest key to making A Good Habit stick. You have to be crystal clear on why you’re taking on A Good Habit. So if you’re planning to track your spending and that means writing down everything you spend every day, you need to be clear on why YOU are doing this. It can’t be because I said to do it. Or because your sister does it and it seems to work for her. It has to be because each time you do it, you get a surge of satisfaction, a sense of accomplishment, or a thrill from being in control of your money.

Once upon a time I was a two-pack a day girl and I didn’t smoke wussy cigs either. When I got pregnant with each of my kids I quit smoking immediately — morning sickness did it, not me – and I stayed off the evil weed while I breast fed. But each time I finished breast feeding I took up smoking again. Then, when Alex was about three and a half, she turned to me and said, “Mommy, you’re going to die and Malcolm and I won’t have a mommy anymore.” I never smoked again. I’d found my motivation.

Sometimes it helps to have some people on your team. When I wanted to quit biting my nails as a teenager, I enlisted the help of the kids who sat around me at school. I gave them permission to whack me if they saw my hands near my mouth. They did. I stopped. Maybe you need a mate to whack you, or encourage you, or talk with you, or work with you, as you establish your new habit.

Keep an ear on your self-talk – y’know that hiss in your brain that says things like, “I can’t do this,” or “This is too hard” or “What’s the point?” If you can turn your self-talk around, if you can move it from diminishing your efforts to supporting your efforts, you’re much more likely to succeed. Stay positive about what you’re doing. If you fall off the rails say, “Okay, I fell off the rails and now I’m getting back on again.” Shut down the negative talk when it starts.

I know you can do it if you want to. I know you have the strength, the tenacity, the gumption to change.  When you feel the urge to fall back, acknowledge that you’ve been tempted, but know that you are strong enough – that the urge is temporary and will go away. And make sure you have a strategy for coping: breathing, a two-minute meditation, drinking a glass of water, dropping and doing 5 push-ups – whatever it takes to work through the urge.

And reward yourself regularly. It doesn’t have to be huge or expensive… just a wee treat that shows you how much you appreciate your effort. Works for dogs. It’ll work for you too.

There are loads of books focused on how to be successful. From investing to debt repayment, from setting goals to improving your earning power, advice is everywhere. But even after reading a good blog or a good book or hearing an inspiring story, it’s sometimes hard to stay focused. So today I bring you a simple acronym that may help you do just that: PASS.

Whether you’re determined to learn to live on less, make more money to get to debt free forever, you can succeed – you can pass – if you do the following:

Plan. Yup, that’s the “P” in PASS.  You can’t do anything without a plan. I liken trying to get anything accomplished without a solid plan to driving down the road blindfolded. You’re gonna end up in a ditch.

Begin by clearly defining what it is you want to achieve.  How will you measure your progress?  If what you want isn’t quantifiable, how will you know that you achieved it? And if it doesn’t have a timeframe attached, it’s just a dream, not a plan. You have to be very specific about what you want: I want to pay off my $1200 credit card by Christmas this year. I want to have the money to pay for my $3200 honeymoon before I get married next June.  Quantifiable goals can be achieved.  Fuzzy goals, not so much.

Make sure your plan is realistic. Wanting to have $40,000 saved for a downpayment on a home in three years when you make only minimum wage may not be doable if you don’t change other things in your life like your job. And be flexible. There is no rule that says that plans can’t change. If your priorities or circumstances change, so should your plan.

Act. That’s the “A” in PASS. The best-laid plans won’t make a bit of difference if you don’t DO something.  Some people spend so much time putting their plan together they have no energy left to execute the plan. Or is it that they’re so afraid of failing that they let themselves get stuck in the planning stage? Let’s take a chick I’ve worked with, we’ll call her Sally, as an example. Sally has wanted to go into business for herself for as long as I’ve known her. She’s got talent. She’s got a vision. And she’s spent the last five years working on the plan. What Sally doesn’t have is the chutzpah to act. She’s petrified. She acts all tough and thoughtful. But she’s stuck. She can’t move forward.

Once you’ve got the plan in place, you have to have enough faith in yourself that you can do it. You must believe in yourself. If you’re shaky, it’s time to bring some mantras online to put your most positive spin on the subject at hand. I’m a big believer in the fact that people can do just about anything they really want to do. There are lots of folks who say they want one thing and then act against their own best interest. I’m not talking about those kids. I’m talking about the people who have clearly defined what they want and have the nuts to make it happen.

Sometimes it takes a lot of Stick-to-it-ness to get from here to there.  That’s the first “S” in PASS. If you don’t have the gumption to go the distance, then you won’t. Stick-to-it-ness is what separates the men from the boys. It’s the ingredient most lacking when it comes to seeing a plan through to fruition.

People with stick-to-it-ness don’t give up. When things look bleak, they look at their plan to see if there’s a problem there. Or they change their timeline. Or they look for more resources to help them. But they keep on truckin’. And even when the first plan doesn’t work, people with stick-to-it-ness know that the lessons they are learning are going to help them succeed with Plan B.

Ulimately, it’s all about Success. Yup, that’s the final “S” in PASS.  So the whole thing ends up looking like this:

Plan + Action + Stick-to-it-ness = Success

Your turn: Is there something you’ve always wanted to do that you just haven’t made happen yet? Com’on, fess up!

Look at the way some parents react when their kids bring home a pretty decent mark on a test or assignment. A kid walks in with an 83% on a test and some parents response: “So, where did you go wrong?” In other words, “why didn’t  you get 100%” Ouch! And we’re like that with lots of other things: how well you made your bed, how good a job you did when you mowed the lawn, how meticulous you were when you cleaned up the kitchen, swept the hall or dusted the family room. It’s like we’re looking for a reason to criticize, instead of looking for a reason to praise.

Perfectionism – the desire for it all to be done perfectly – is the enemy of productivity. If we don’t get any satisfaction out of the small accomplishments we make losing weight, cleaning up the house, or digging ourselves out of debt, we give up. And so striving to get it all perfectly right is like walking up a hill with an elephant on your back. There’s no joy in it. You’re exhausted before you even start. And you’ll never make it, so you might as well not bother!

How about if you give up on getting it “perfect” and aim instead to do the very best job you can to achieve personal excellence. Yup, you define what is an acceptable outcome and you are happy when you achieve that end. That doesn’t mean settling. And it doesn’t mean setting the bar so low that achieving the end is a no-brainer. Achieving personal excellence is all about eschewing mediocrity and putting your best foot forward.

Now you may be tempted to come up with very good reasons why you can’t achieve personal excellence. “I don’t have time,” is probably the most over-used of excuses. This is followed closely by, “It’s just too much trouble.” Hey, if you want to come up with an excuse you will. But it you want to raise your standards – your standards, not some ideal or perfect outcome – then you’ll find huge satisfaction in being able to say, “This is the best job I could have done.”

I have a couple of writer-friends who have a big problem with perfection. They spend hours, days, weeks creating a piece of writing because it has to be perfect. They sweat every word, and they are never happy with their final piece. They just have to stop because they’ve run out of time. Left to their own devices, they’d never finish tweaking their stories.

The same is true for people who are budgeting. In their desire to create the perfect spending plan, they leave no room for the fact that budgets, like life itself, can be messy. They’re meant as maps, not as concrete shoes. And if you’re so busy seeking the perfectly balanced budget that you miss the whole point of a budget – to keep you thinking about where you’re money is going and help you decide if you’re satisfied with what you’re doing with it – then you’re never going to be happy with what you create.

Looking for ways to improve is good. Figuring out what personal excellence means to you is good. Creating a vision and identifying the steps you will start to take to make your vision a reality are both good. Beating yourself – or your mate – up because you don’t hit the mark perfectly every time is a horrible way to live.

Y’know, in baseball, if you’re batting 500 you’re doing a great job. Hey, that means missing the ball 50% of the time. But that’s baseball’s standard. What’s your standard, and how are you going to move from critiquing your short-comings (and those of your pals) to praising when you do make contact with the ball?

When you’re working toward a goal, staying focused on what you’ve achieved so you stay motivated to keep going can be a huge challenge. Having knocked a $2,000 credit card balance back to zero, you may find your motivation to attack that student loan lagging. It can feel like a long haul to Debt-Free Forever when you start to discount what you’ve achieved and look only at the hole you’re in.

There are things you can do to keep the blush on the rose; measuring your progress is one way to stay focused and keep yourself motivated.

One of the best reasons to measure how you’re doing is that by nature we humans are delusional. Witness all the people who have no idea how much they’re spending every month on everything from coffee to magazines, groceries to booze, entertainment to exercise. People who aren’t measuring their spending can convince themselves that they’re not spending all that much. Once they start tracking where their money is going, they are blown away by how much they can save by paying attention.

If you don’t want to underestimate your progress or over-estimate your abilities, then measuring how you’re actually doing is the ticket.  By recording how you’re doing, you can look at a picture that reflects your reality, not what you think is your reality. You can appreciate what you have – what you’ve accomplished in moving towards your goal. And you can see how you’re doing, measuring your improvement and tweaking your plan to keep moving forward.

I can hear some of you moaning now… “But Gail, all that measuring takes time I don’t have.” Really? You’re trying to achieve a goal that you’ve said is important, but you don’t have time to check in and see how you’re doing? Or is it that you’re afraid you’re going to miss the mark and would rather keep your head buried in your delusion?

If you make a habit of checking up on your progress, in no time at all it’ll become second nature and it won’t feel like a chore. When measuring your progress becomes part of your routine, you’ll find moving towards your goals – particularly the big ones that take longer to come to fruition – a smoother process.

While getting in the habit of writing down all of your expenses will take deliberate effort in the first few weeks, after a year you won’t even think about it. It’ll consume a few minutes each day, but you’ll have worked it into your life and it’ll just be something you do. The payback: You’ll get specific information about where you’re spending your money. And if you ever have to cut back to deal with a change in circumstance, you’ll know just where to trim. You’ll also find it easier to put money towards those priorities that you’ve identified as most important: your goals.

If you can’t even set aside 15 minutes a day to measure how you’re doing, maybe your goal isn’t really all that important to you. Save yourself the aggravation; stop wasting mental energy thinking about it. If you find that what you wanted to achieve lingers as a concern in your mind, then maybe it does matter to you and it’s time to put some real energy into achieving your goal, including measuring your progress.

If you find yourself hugely resistant to measuring your activities on any front, be it keeping a food log to lose weight, a time log to improve your efficiency or a financial log to monitor your spending, it may be that you’re not yet committed to change.  Writing it down means making a deal with yourself to do something that has results. If you’re not writing it down, there’s no deal, and you’re off the hook. Course it also means you’re going to keep doing what you know isn’t working. But hey, if you want to hang on to your delusions, that’s a choice you get to make.

“Would you rather eat dog pooh or be stepped on by an elephant?”

Some of the stuff they come up with is really funny. Some of it is just weird. But whenever I listen to them playing this game, the Would You Rather gets stuck in my head and I find myself pondering a bunch of different things.

Here’s one for you today: Would you rather take a 10% cut in pay or watch the company lay off 10% of its employees? How about if you were likely to be in the 10% to get the pink slip?

In today’s economy the one thing you can count on is that someone is going to draw the short straw. If you would rather float than sink, you might want to join in a round of the Would You Rather game.

Would you rather have that hefty car payment on a snappy new car or own your early-model outright?

Would you rather have a snappy new purse to go with your outfit or be able to buy another week’s groceries for your family?

Would you rather knock a year off your amortization or take that vacation to the sunny south?

I’m not judging your answers. You’re the person for that job. But playing the Would You Rather Game can help to set things in perspective.

You can use a model like Stephen Covey’s matrix in his book First Things First to help you decide where your priorities lie.

First, grab a piece a paper, make a big box and then divide the big box into four equal smaller boxes by putting a vertical and horizontal line down the middle.

• Label the top right hand box “Important and Urgent”
• Label the top left hand box “Important and Not Urgent”
• Label the bottom right hand box “Not Important and Urgent”
• Label the bottom left hand box “Not Important and Not Urgent”

Now write the things you must do with your money into the various boxes based on your priorities. Paying the mortgage would be Important and Urgent. If you don’t pay that sucker on time, thems gonna take your house away. Ditto making the minimum payments on your debt and having enough money for food.

Saving for a vacation may fall under Important and Not Urgent. These are the things you really want to do or accomplish. But they aren’t make-it-or-break-it costs you must deal with in the here and now. Satisfying the things in this quadrant means managing the next two really carefully.

Your satellite bill, cell phone bill, and gym membership all fall under the category Not Important and Urgent. You’ve made the commitment to spend the money, so you must keep your commitment or risk losing your good credit name. But these are prime areas where cutting back could leave you more room for your top left quadrant.

Buying new shoes, unless they are your only pair or specific in purpose, would fall into the Not Important and Not Urgent category. So would magazine subscriptions, another drill or buying something at your sister-in-law’s home shopping party.

You might find it a healthy exercise to analyze how you’re currently using your money based on these four quadrants. Are you really achieving what you want? Or would you rather being doing something else with your money?

If you buy a $2,300 couch using your credit card and you pay only the minimum on the card at 18.99% interest, how long will it take you to pay it off?

3 years           6 years

7 years           10 years

What will the couch cost you by the time it’s paid off?

$2,800                        $3,200

$3,600                        $4,300

Short test. Let’s see how you did.

If you buy a $2,300 couch using your credit card and you pay only the minimum on the card at 18.99% interest, it will take you 9.9 years to pay it off and you’ll pay $1,998 in interest, taking the cost of the couch to just under $4,300 once it’s paid in full.

No doubt the couch looks a little ratty, and you may be wondering why you paid almost twice as much as the store said you would as you look at it disintegrating even before it’s paid off. Hey, that’s the power of interest working against you.

Sick and tired of being in debt? Ready to cut off the credit card company and put your money to work for you, instead of for them?

1. Make a plan. Without a plan, you’re simply throwing money at the problem debt without a clear sense of what you’re trying to accomplish. Start by making a list of all the people to whom you owe money – your creditors. Put the list in order from highest interest rate to lowest. Make sure you’re putting your greatest effort at repayment against the debt with the highest rate.

2. Call and negotiate. If you have extremely high rates on your cards, it’s time to put your negotiating skills to work. Call and describe the pickle you’re in. Ask if they’d be willing to eliminate the late fee and interest for a month or two. Try and get them to lower the rate on your card. If they won’t ask if there’s another card that they can give you that has a lower interest rate, and transfer the balance.

3. Pay on time. Pay at least the minimum on all your debts, and make those payments on time. That will not only help you avoid fees, it’ll stop the interest rate from bouncing up because you’ve broken the rules. And it’ll improve your credit history laying the groundwork for future rate negotiations.

4. Pay more. If you commit to paying at least 10% of your balance every month, you’ll be out of the hole in about three years, before debt fatigue has a chance to take hold. Can’t come up with 10%? Get a second job, or a third job, or a better job. Do whatever it takes. You spent the money. Now it’s time to pay it back. And the longer it takes you, the more painful and costly it will be, so bust your butt to make that debt go away.

5. Set specific goals. If you want to stay motivated, set milestones that are achievable and for which you can pat yourself on the back. Maybe you’ll have that department store card paid off in six months. Perhaps you want to be debt-free before your wedding. Whatever goal you set, write it down and hang it where you can see it every day. As you get closer to your goal, the motivation to hit your target will carry you forward.

None of this will work if you keep using your credit cards so freeze them, chop ‘em up, or hide them behind the washing machine. Find something positive to do with the time you used to spend shopping. Avoid magazines and catalogue that may leave you salivating. Focus on your goal. And if you need a debt-mate to talk you through your spending withdrawal, find a friend who can help steer you clear of the mall and the temptation to spend. That’s what true friends are for.