Make The Most of Your Life
Posted by Gail | Filed under Balance
Ever get together with friends and had this convseration:
“So, how’s it going?”
“Pretty good.”
“Whatcha been up to?”
“Y’know, work, life, kids?”
“Anything interesting goin’ on?”
“Gee, lemme think… hmm. I’ve been busy, but I’ll be damn if I can remember with what.”
It is so easy to let life just happen to us. Sunday rolls around and we wonder where the week went. September rolls around and we wish we’d taken more advantage of the summer. What did we do with all our time? We look up and it’s time to hang the lights and buy a tree. And then it’s a new year. (The only thing that seems to take forever is February!)
Most of the things we do with our life aren’t memorable. I have had moments when I was so happy I would pinch myself hard and say to myself, “Remember this!” My happy memories do not come from doing exciting things, though exciting is easier to recall. Some of my happiest memories are of cloud watching, laying in the grass and listening to the crickets, feeling my horses nuzzle me, and soaking up the sun on a beach listening to the water laps the shore.
Imagine if you could orchestrate each day to hold a memory. Rumour has it if you can do one thing that scares your pants off you won’t forget. I don’t think when the experts talk about creating excitement that talking about riding a roller-coaster. I think it’s more a case of facing the fears that may be holding us back from trying new things. Painfully shy? Talk to that pretty boy on the bus. Have a good idea? Take a shot presenting it at work. Put yourself on the line. Feel the rush. It can be anything you think you can’t do: from sewing yourself a dress to concocting a ridiculously complex dessert, if you freak yourself out you’ll stretch and grow, creating a bigger life.
One of the things I have learned to do to make the most of my life is take care of myself. I have routines now that soothe me: from a really good cup of tea while I watch the birds devour my offerings, to sitting on a beach and breathing in the fresh air, to climbing into bed at night (my favorite time of day!) after a very full day. I just love the feeling of being absorbed by my bed, I sigh with joy, enjoy the feeling of peace. I take the time to notice how comforted I am.
‘Course, it isn’t always sweetness and light. Sometimes I’m really ticked and have to find a way to soothe myself. Or I’m frustrated, and have to do something nice for myself to feel better. Sometimes I’m just tired and choose to rest, rather than driving myself on to more frustration and anger because I won’t cut myself any slack. I’ve learned if I take time each day to make sure I feel good, it helps me to remember that I’m the author of my own happiness and it makes each day that much more memorable.
One of the biggest things I’ve learned over my life is that if I focus on someone other than myself, I am happier. Being selfless feels good. Studies abound on how giving to others (sharing time, money or whatever else we have) is repaid in spades with good feelings. Taking the time to do something nice for another person helps us to be thankful for our own bounty. And anything we do to strengthen our relationships with others brings more happiness. I don’t think I’ve ever regretting giving when I truly expect nothing back.
My brain also needs some attention for me to feel I’m having a worthwhile life. Whether it’s through reading, study, or experience, if I learn something new, I’m more likely to feel full. And I don’t even have to remember what I learned (sounds odd, I know). Just the act of learning something new is enough to give me a happy buzz. I’ve recently taken up knitting. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do. I’m on Dish Cloth #2 and I find that it’s not only great in the “learning” department, it’s also great in the “soothing” department since I have to spend a lot of time on set just waiting until The Boys have set up the next set of lights.
Tonight I’m cooking Turkey Dinner for Alex and her friends, and I’ll be comforted by the laughter and joy all those teenagers will bring into my home. There will be a lot of chucking and jiving, some pinching, some biting, lotsnlotsa hugging and a ton of laughter. Just anticipating it feels great. Snap: another terrific memory; another day well spent.
So what do you do to make your life feel worthwhile? How do you pack something special into your days so you can remember what you’ve been doing?
October 9, 2009 at 7:23 am
Hello Gail,
My Favourite time of day is when I arrive home. Not when I walk in the door to greet my wife but just before that when I park the work truck. I usually have this huge sense of accomplishment of getting the job done. I also have this good feeling of finally being home to spend time with my wife.
I enjoy letting my wife know that love her. When she smiles from simple things like taking a walk or cuddling up to watch tv it reminds me that she appreciates these things. Knowing that she enjoys these small tokens of my love reminds me that my life has been worthwhile.
regards,
Jason
October 9, 2009 at 7:44 am
No matter what I get done in a day I truly feel accomplished if I’ve played the piano and put all the kids toys in the basket. A lot of days I can forgive the lack of piano as long as the toys end up in the basket. Also if I’ve given lots of hugs.
As for doing something that scares you, I’ve noticed that in a lot of the shows the couples look about ready to throw in the towel over a particular challenge, then they try and it turns out that they can do it and they can really fly. I’ve had a similar experience rock climbing. I was on a climb that was beyond my skill level and thought I’d get as far as I could just to see where that was. When I reached the point where I knew I couldn’t go any further, something told me to try anyway. I succeeded and I’ve never felt more powerful. It made me realize that maybe a lot of my limits are self-imposed and therefore, surmountable.
Although I can cook and it’s tasty, no one would every describe me as a impressive chef. One day, like the rock climbing accomplishment, I decided to try a lemon daquoise cake. And yes, it’s as complicated as it sounds. It actually takes two people to cook and assemble, but it’s darn good and spectacular when you’re done.
October 9, 2009 at 8:03 am
As a nurse, I have the good fortune of knowing that each day at work I have made a small difference in someone’s life. That profession also has reinforced the idea that you never know when things will go sideways and your best laid plans will be tossed aside. I consciously have chosen not to fill my life with busy-ness, but cherish my time with my husband and son, as well as my time alone.
My sister passed away last year. She was a person unfortunately mired in anger and resentment and fear prior to her diagnosis of cancer. She died within a year of her diagnosis and was never really able to make the most of her life.
Fear not only holds people back from trying new things, it can also prevent them from letting go of blame and fingerpointing. They are never able to look within and realize the they are holding the rudder steering the ship of their life.
That time wasted looking backwards is time wasted not living, looking ahead and making new paths and new experiences.
We all need to let go of the cement shoes of the past and look to today.
Enjoy your “bubble moments” (for real joy only seems to last as long as a bubble) for they make up the fabric of our lives.
October 9, 2009 at 8:11 am
Yay! Another Gail-osophy post.
I was just thinking this morning, as I received an email from a friend currently in Thailand who just attended a Full Moon Party, that as we become more and more “civilized”, we lose the feeling of community. A Full Moon Party from my understanding really brings together the concept of tribalism and community, and when a person works for a corporation, or are chasing the Jones, Smiths and everyone else, the hierarchy and chase are distractions.
Thanks for the reminder to live in the moment and grab life by the balls! Carpe diem.
October 9, 2009 at 8:33 am
I love being thankful and grateful most days!
It isnt something I have always done but have worked hard by reminding myself everyday what there are really many friends and family and little moments with them to be thankful for.
I love my life, the good moments and the bad, the frustrating and the fearful times are usually when I learn something new about myself, my life and where I have come from and where I am headed to….
It’s so Simple but Life is Good.
October 9, 2009 at 8:34 am
Hi Gail – a lovely reflection for the Friday headed into a long – family-oriented weekend. happy Thanksgiving those who observe the harvest and bounty of the year and I wish everyone safe travels as they head out to spend time with family.
Just the other day I had some time to myself and watched some very small things that I often miss because I”m “busy”. A new puppy finally understanding that he has tot sit before he and his owner can cross the road. The look on his face as he looked up was absolutely priceless and made me giggle a bit. I watched as some fearless squirrels played tag across the street giving no concern to my approaching vehicle. I stopped to let the game continue, and watched at how quickly they bounced from tree to tree. When I arrived home I was greeted with a hug form my bf that told me he’d missed me, that no matter what went wrong at work his world was now right, and that he loved me – I love long hugs like that!
These are the moments of life. And I’m thankful that I have moments like these everyday. I truly hope the rain holds off enough to get out and enjoy some fall colours with my family this weekend. Have a wonderful weekend Gail and bloggers!
October 9, 2009 at 9:05 am
What a great post!! I love reading all the different remarks that come after.
I to have always tried to do something that is new to me even when everyone around me says ‘it can’t be done’. There is nothing more depressing than people that are stuck in ruts and can’t or don’t wan’t to see a way out.
I was brought up beliving I can do whatever I set my mind too-you keep going until you get what you want. Doors will close in your face but another will always open. My husband was brought up with a father who would criticize EVERY idea, ‘why bother, you’ll never accomplish anything’ or ‘why should I try that, i’ve always done it this way’ Very hardheaded and stubborn. My glass has ALWAYS been half full, even in those really hard, trying, I can’t get outta bed days.
I’ve always tried to help him see he can do what he puts his mind to! We started buying income properties and ‘getting out of our ‘comfort circle’ I was so giddy you’d think it was Christmas and he was sooooo nervous. To this day we own 4 properties and he’s totally at ease now with the whole thing. He’s trying to change his father perspective (good luck on that) and hoping he can buy the family farm. I say go for it!!!!! That is our dream and we are going to work our butts off trying to do this!!
We are avid Gail readers, watchers-we are working on our EF and paying off debts. I have a goal and i’m steadfastly chugging towards it, going around any roadblocks that pop up in the meantime.
I’ve quit my horrible job-went back to school and now doing what I should have been doing years ago! There is work out there if you know how to work.
I’m thankful we are all heathly, we laugh everyday and my barn yard is full of happy animals who greet me everyday with all sorts of quacks, honks, barks, meows and hooves beating a path towrds me:)
October 9, 2009 at 9:05 am
BTW Happy Thankgiving everyone!!!
October 9, 2009 at 9:14 am
My fav thing to do is camping with the family. There is something about sitting around a camp fire making “spider dogs” and smores and looking for the big dipper that is just magical and I know that my kids will remember those days and nights as long as they live.
October 9, 2009 at 9:35 am
I’ve been giving this topic a lot of thought lately. Living with purpose, living consciously, etc. One of my favourite quotes is “life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans”.
I love what you said about learning too-I spent years and years in a formal learning environment (what a privelege) and now I’m figuring out ways to incorporate lifelong learning in a way that makes sense for me. I’m going to keep in mind what you said about learning for the sake of it, not necessarily worrying about remembering or applying it necessarily. Thanks-this post is great food for thought.
I want to wish Gail and her family, and everyone out there, a Happy Thanksgiving (we Canadians celebrate this weekend). I’m thankful for many things, including Gail and this blog community.
October 9, 2009 at 9:51 am
Well, having 2 kiddies aged 2 & 1 (yes, 14 months apart…) that don’t really sleep, you sometimes lose sight of being thankful… We are just thankful to stay awake til the kids go to bed again…exhausted. But when they are being silly and making their funny faces or noises, or giving me hugs and kisses I am thankful, and I try to drink in the moment, even if it only lasts a moment…
I lost my dad when I was 15 so I do find I try to be thankful for more things because it made me realize how short life can really be (he was 38)!!! I am so grateful for my mom, and now my wonderful stepdad, and other friends and family, and I try to never take them for granted.
As far as doing something that scares me…well, after a really crappy year last year with my business (for a few reasons) I managed to turn it around (HUGE THANK YOU TO YOU GAIL!!!) and have recently expanded!!!! Talk about scary, but I knew that if I didn’t do this that I would regret it – even if it doesn’t work out.
It’s been a while, but thanks again for the thought-evoking post Gail. Would love to thank you in person some day and give you a huge hug for helping me so much! I hope you have a super Thanksgiving weekend!!
October 9, 2009 at 9:54 am
…should have said thought-provoking…duh, tells you how tired I am…lol
October 9, 2009 at 10:07 am
I read several “financial advice” blogs, but it is posts like this one that sets Gail’s apart from the others. I think the hardest thing in dealing with money problems is not constantly thinking about money. Life is more rich and interesting than that.
Thanks Gail, for a terrific post. I feel inspired.
Happy Thanksgiving.
October 9, 2009 at 10:49 am
I too love to learn new things- this year I’m learning Latin and just last night I took a pearl knotting class (I foresee lots of necklaces as Christmas gifts this year). I love the feeling of accomplishment when you master something you have been struggling with, much like AML.
I also have discovered that my SO who is very reserved, comes alive when he discusses his astronomy hobby. I’ve started to come along, in the freezing cold and pitch black, to let him show and teach me all he knows about the stars and planets. It does create great memories, just the two of us, in the middle of nowhere staring at the sky. Plus I get a bonus kiss when I remember what he taught me last time!
October 9, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Why as a matter of fact, Gail, dropping the kids off at school and plunking down with a cuppa coffee and seeing what Gail has to say for the day is my soothing, centering moment to start my day off right!
I find a little dose of positive reality before I head into my work for the day to be a very good thing.
But for all-out joyful moments, seeing my boys be boys has to top the bill. I love those rug-rats, and am so proud to see them grow and be a part of it!
And watching my vegetable garden grow, that gives me a singular sense of accomplishment as well. mmmmm…. fresh garden green beans…..
The list could go on and on.
I do make a point of trying to give a compliment (genuine and from the heart) at least once a day, noticing the beauty around me and saying something out loud about it helps me stay in the present and not fuss so much about the “should be”s.
October 9, 2009 at 12:06 pm
My favorite time is on a Saturday morning where I take the time to enjoy my cup of coffee & watch my daughter and husband have breakfast. Just enjoying being with them with no TV on or anything else but the sound of their voices brings music to my ears.
I also enjoy hearing their laughter & seeing them smile.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
October 9, 2009 at 12:26 pm
@ Pam, I can relate to your puppy story. I just got a new dog and she turns heads wherever we go. People stop me all the time to say hi to her and comment on how pretty she is all the time. I missed having a dog as it really connects a person to the neighbourhood. Here’s my pretty girl, Iris, recently rescued from a pound in Idaho:
http://tinyurl.com/yz86edk
Here’s my very simple “happy story”…
I was having a real funk of a day when a maintenance man from the building got into the elevator with me. We’d had some gorgeous crisp autumn days here in Vancouver and he commented on how great the weather had been. When I replied how much I liked it too he asked again, “You really like these fall days a lot, eh?” to which I replied, “This is my favourite season. No complaints from me. How about you?” He told me he loved these days too and what a contrast they were the tropical place where he grew up. After that simple little exchange, it was impossible to stay in my funk. I left the elevator on 4 smiling and the door closed on him smiling.
One thing I’ve known for a long time: a few simple words from a stranger can make all the difference in the world. Better yet, a few words in reply, might just make someone else’s day too.
October 9, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Gail, another good post!
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
To Chris,
Your dog is beautiful and just put a smile on my face! I love that happy pets and laughing children always give us that warm fuzzy feeling, no words needed. I also agree with you, in that contecting with other people thru small cheerful banter always make me a little happier and part of the community.
October 9, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Those are good questions. Right now, I’m going the ’scaring my pants off’ route. It’s actually much more fun than this stability-seeking person would have ever thought possible. And if I don’t scare my own pants off, my kids usually do it for me. Although they lean more in the direction of defying death and scaring me that way.
October 9, 2009 at 2:33 pm
Great post Gail. I needed to be reminded to be thankful for all I have. I do have so much to appreciate.
Growing up October was my favourite month and then both my parents died in October, so now…not so much. In the past month I have had 3 very close friends diagnosed with cancer. I know how much you miss Cookie Gail, so I know you can understand what I’m saying. The outcomes for all three do not look good.
I take each day as it comes. For years I’ve tried to do something nice, or say something nice to someone each day to give myself a lift of the heart. I’ve tweaked it some and have being doing it even more often lately.
Wishing you a fabulous time tonight at your dinner Gail. Enjoy the hugs! And I hope everyone here has a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday with family and friends! I send all of you cyber hugs!
October 9, 2009 at 3:04 pm
Such a fitting post for the upcoming weekend!
I have had the most amazing year. My fiance and I got engaged, bought our first house and our renovating it to make it home, my cousin beat cancer, and i still have a job.
The moments where I feel the most peaceful and content is when me and my man are going for a walk or bike ride in the beautiful Edmonton river valley. There is no worries. Nothing but relaxed thoughts. Another is a great cup of coffee Saturday morning sitting looking out the front window knowing that I can do anything I want that day. My friends and family bring me amazing amounts of happiness. I do try to push myself out of my comfort zone. Before I would rarely do things I was comfortable with. Now I find myself constantly putting myself out there and it feels fabulous!
I hope everyone has a safe, healthy and happy thanksgiving!
October 9, 2009 at 3:24 pm
I blog just for myself.
I write in my blog little moments that I don’t want to forget.
October 9, 2009 at 3:53 pm
it truly is the ‘little’ things that bring me the most happiness, we sometimes focus too much on the ‘big things’, life’s stressors, and you’re right, we then wonder where did time go? i love waking up and seeing my husband and daughter beside me on the weekends, reading the saturday paper, an afternoon cup of tea in the middle of a busy day. reading a good book (trashy or not!). i’m also taking up knitting this winter, and i think it will be a good challenge for me, and keep my hands and mind busy! sometimes i forget to make time for me, and we all need that every once and awhile.
Happy Thanksgiving and enjoy your meal tonight!
Lori
October 9, 2009 at 4:02 pm
gail, again you’ve articulated what truly brings happiness.
it’s always the simple things….
ps-i’m a knitter as well. i’ve always found that producing something with my hands (meal, sweater, a gift for someone else) has brought me immense joy and satisfaction.
hugs from here
October 9, 2009 at 4:23 pm
What a great post Gail! You know, it’s so hard to find what truly makes us happy. I think it’s a combination of things to be honest…the ups, the downs, the funnies, the crys…all in one.
You’re inspiring!
Happy Turkey Weekend!
Tanya
October 9, 2009 at 8:15 pm
Gail, what a wonderful post. Perfect timing for the Thanksgiving weekend. I am truly thankful for all I have especially the little moments. It’s those moments that make life beautiful.
I am with Melanie and one of the best things in life is sitting by the fire making spiderdogs and smores. I think it’s important for us to take risks and make goals for ourselves.
My brain needs a lot of attention too Gail. I try one new recipe each month. I learned how to knit and made my mom a scarf two Christmases ago. Next I would love to learn how to machine sew….quilt in the future??
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
October 9, 2009 at 8:57 pm
By the way, watching your show right now. It’s a marathon yay! It’s the proposal one, sooo sweet!
October 10, 2009 at 9:58 am
Trying new recipes out on friends. Watching the wildlife in the backyard – the birds doing their thing in the birdbath, the squirrels playing – yes, even the squirrels stealing a tomato or two and eating them in full view of you. The chipmunks standing below the birdfeeders and picking up the seed the birds knock down. The neighbourhood dogs playing with each other in the park behind the house. The peacefulness and serenity of my garden and sitting on the back deck with a cup of coffee early in the morning taking it all in.
October 10, 2009 at 12:11 pm
My happiest moments are with my family. One of my fondest memories is from a fall day about 4 yrs ago when my Hubby, three girls and I spent the day walking thr
October 10, 2009 at 12:12 pm
ough the park laughing and just enjoying enjoying each others company. With the eldest moved out now, those days seem few and far between.
October 10, 2009 at 10:41 pm
Scary things: one I was painfully shy and sheltered in a small town, got hooked by a sociopathic boyfriend and joined the military to get away. I was whisked away to a state I’d never been to then had to live in a country whose language a couldn’t speak, away from my family and all I knew for the first time ever. Talk about different and scary.
Years later I was afraid of falling and made myself bungee jump. Scared the crap out of me but I did it.
Good things: I try to have a tickle fight daily with one of my kids and try to dance with my littlest a couple of times a week. Laughter is an excellent stress reducer.
Great post, Gail.
October 13, 2009 at 9:00 am
Hi Gail,
Good for you for learning to knit ….. get yourself some really fancy wool and knit yourself a scarf for this winter. By using fancy wool and a simple stitch you be able to produce a scarf which is far better than any store bought one!
I can knit, crochet, do embroidery and sew but it’s quilting which I’m absolutely passionate about. I was just recently able to turn a hobby into a small business …. a very small business, but making quilts for other people in exchange for money made me feel like a million bucks! My day never quite feels complete until I’ve spent some time doing something with my hands.
Love your blog posts …. read them ALL.