Staying Home with Baby
Posted by Gail | Filed under Money & Family
While the arrival of your first child may be the biggest blessing in your life, baby often comes with baggage. I’ve worked with dozens of people who were doing just fine until their Mini-Me came along. Through bad planning, or often no planning at all, mommy and daddy find themselves lost as to how to cope financially particularly in light of their significantly reduced income.
Here’s the typical scenario: You discover you’re pregnant. You may have been trying really hard, or it may come as a complete surprise, but you’re in the family way. You’re excited. You’re a little scared. You’re full of hope.
You go shopping. There are cribs and strollers to buy. The clothes are soooo cute. OMG! Can you believe how small baby’s shoes and socks are? You deal with the morning sickness, the people who want to touch your belly, the well-wishers. You decide to take that last “singles” vacation while you still can. And you start looking at mini-vans.
Geeze having a baby can be expensive. Yah! And you haven’t seen the half of it yet. The one thing you probably never think about is how you are going to live on less when baby gets here. Live on less? Yup. In all likelihood your income will drop during mat leave, and if mommy or daddy decide that staying home with baby is the way to go, you’ll be a one-income family.
The decision to be a stay-at-home-mom or -dad is a big one, both emotionally and financially, and certainly not one to take lightly. If you don’t think about the financial implications you could create hellovalotta debt and huge problems.
So how do you know whether you can afford to stay home or not?
The first thing you will need to do is find out how much you’ll be getting for mat leave or parental leave and create a working budget for life with baby. If you plan to stay home full-time after baby has arrive, then practice living on one income while you’re pregnant to get into the swing of things and save some money.
Since working comes with it’s own expenses, list the costs you’ll be able to avoid if one parent stays home. Everything from child care to clothes for work, travel and lunches out. Do you both have a car and can you give up one to cut back on costs? How about the gym membership, the golf fees, the hockey teams… what are you prepared to forgo so you can stay home with Junior?
If the budget still doesn’t balance, are there ways of earning an income from home that will help eliminate the short-fall. From bookkeeping to tutoring, from piano lessons to in-home care for other children, there are lots of ways to make an extra buck or two.
If one of the reasons your budget won’t balance is because you’re spending money on debt repayment, it’s time to get out of hock for good. Cutting back to one income shouldn’t be a consideration at all if you’ve got consumer debt. Once you’re out of debt, you have far more options for how you can live your life. Consider a second job to pay off your debt. Consider selling stuff you no longer need (or may never have even used) to come up with the money to pay down your debt. Do whatever it takes to get out of debt!
Being a one-income family has it’s own challenges. An emergency fund is more important than ever since you’re completely reliant on one income. And if you want to continue saving for the future, you’re going to have to make room in your budget for retirement savings and educational savings too
If you’re really determined to stay home with little Molly McGoo, you’ll find a way. But be sensible about it. Going into a single-income lifestyle takes some adjustments. You should prepare and you should practice. You can have anything you want, if you want it badly enough and are determined enough. So, how determined are you?
October 1, 2009 at 6:16 am
Hello Gail,
I wish my sister had read thiss post before making the big leap. She’s right now working on trying to bring in more income from home with starting an in home daycare. It’s slowly working for her. But they really didn’t practice living on the single main income they now live on.
My wife and I are already on a single income home. We have no children yet, but in the future we will want to have a few. What’s the best way for a single income household to prepare for the arrival of a new baby? Our income won’t change, but our expenses will. What’s the best way to figure out how much is needed every month for the baby? From diapers to clothes, I really have no idea how quickly a baby will go through these consummables.
Regards,
Jason
October 1, 2009 at 8:52 am
I’ve had a few friends in a similar scenario and what amazes me is that they didn’t think of the basic question: “How are we going to keep a roof over our head?” The mortgage they qualified for was based on 2 incomes. Gone are the days when banks ‘didn’t count’ the wife’s income when determining how much you can borrow, assuming she would stay home once baby arrived. (thank goodness). Even if you have no consumer debt, you may be in over your head once your family income is cut in half.
My own philosophy: Spend *your* money on whatever you like. But spend someone else’s money (and whenever you borrow, it is someone else’s money) very, very cautiously.
October 1, 2009 at 9:04 am
Our new squirt is now 6 months old, and we’ve managed to keep our heads above water after moving from 2 incomes to what works out to one and a half, with the amount EI pays.
Last year we bought, gutted and renovated what will be our long term home, sinking lots of money into it, plus quite a bit of LOC money. We weighed the +/- of going into additional debt and decided that doing the bathroom/kitchen/and insulation on the 90 yr old home was worth it in the long run. Still no paint/baseboards/trim, but that’s all cosmetic…
Back on topic, we bought $400 worth of ‘never used’ cloth diapers off Kijiji, which will be good for at least two kids. Breast milk is free. We did buy new furniture for her room, but the crib converts to a double bed, which she’ll be taking with her when she moves out, along with the matching dresser. A good spend, IMO. Garbage bags full of good and cheap clothing for her is easily acquired second-hand. We’ve purchased maybe two things new for her. We cook at home (in the fabulous new kitchen) and have been renting movies and having dinner parties with our friends rather than eating out or going out. And we still buy the wine we love…
All that, and we still have no problem agressively paying down the LOC. Most of what my wife gets in EI goes to it. I’m still saving in my RRSP as well.
Next year we’ll be tested as I’m off with the baby for 6 months without pay, so we’ll be down to the one salary.
It’s doable. As Gail says, look hard at where you spend and find ways to reduce and eliminate those costs.
Robert
October 1, 2009 at 9:18 am
Hi Gail,
I was wondering – is it ever possible to just plain not be able to afford kids, even if you are debt free, have an emergency fund, a balanced budget and work full-time? Is there a threshold beyond which the numbers just won’t work? With RRSPs, RESPs, life insurance, reduced income, diapers, etc and all the things one needs to do to be a responsible parents – is there a minimum level of prosperity required to provide a decent future for a child?
We make around $30,000 each, no debt, no car payments and our rent is in line with our income (around 30%). We save 10% for RRSPs, but still feel like on one income of $30,000 we could never provide a decent living for ourselves and a potential child, while still covering all our bases.
October 1, 2009 at 9:38 am
We were lucky, in a way, in that we decided to start our family shortly after I finished my teaching degree; though I worked p/t for a year, we never really got used to being a two-income family. And we had qualified for our mortgage based solely on hubby’s income the year previous, as I was still in school (and this was back in 2000, before house prices went crazy). So staying home with baby was pretty affordable for us in terms of lost income, and once we found the loop of other parents to connect with, we were able to get almost everything we needed / wanted for baby second-hand or free. IME, parents are VERY generous in passing clothes / books / toys / strollers / exersaucers / high chairs, etc. along. And if you breastfeed, the increase to your food budget is small that first bit (and more for Mom!)
I would advise those who are considering staying home beyond 1 year to do the calculations again, as in our experience costs go up quite a bit. There’s less income (no mat. leave), junior has more expensive activities (having our 7 and 4 year olds now in swimming, soccer, art classes, music lessons, etc. is a LOT more than the free neighbourhood Mommy-and-me drop in outings), they can eat a surprising amount (I’d say the our two boys together are like 1.5 adults now), it’s much harder to find some second-hand items (infant boys are easy on knees; crawling/walking/running boys destroy knees, even on jeans!), etc. In our case it has still been doable and worth it, and fortunately hubby’s income has increased along with our expenses. Just thought I’d point out that though staying home with baby may be affordable, staying home with kid(s) may be a different story. Run the numbers again!
October 1, 2009 at 9:49 am
I agree that we should plan for kids. Plan to live on one income if you are used to two. But I also think I was in the first generation who did not have all the children I wanted because I thought we couldn’t afford them. Media was full of articles that said it cost $50000, 60,0000, $100000 to raise a child and we bought it. So my daughter has had to choose her sisters, and may never have the cherished relationship that I have with my two.
I am weighing in with the opinion that you can afford children, on any salary. While an RESP is nice, you can raise your children to expect to need scholarships, and jobs. Children don’t need TV’s in their bedrooms, they need story time with Mom or Dad. Children don’t need designer strollers that are the size of a caboose – a $40 umbrella stroller works. And takes up less space in the aisles of a grocery store.
The cloth diapers I bought for my first baby still worked fine for my second. And they didn’t ever wear a pound of pee because I didn’t notice they were wet. And while I empathize with Mom’s who can’t nurse. 25 years later, I miss that close time with my babies. It was priceless and priced less.
My own Mom and I were talking just yesterday and she said she was in the last generation to stay home guilt-free with their children. We think we can’t afford to because we are making lifestyle choices that preclude time with our childen as an option.
I may have a rural vs urban perspective. I can hear the voices that say 2 incomes are needed to buy a house. I am saying what kind and how much house? And buyers willing to pay any price, at the expense of thier sanity and children, have contributed to the out of control explosion in housing costs across the world.
October 1, 2009 at 9:51 am
Gill: I’m sure if you do the numbers, you will see that you can’t possibly live a “normal” decent life on one income of $30,000 (assuming you mean middle-class decent). My girlfriend stays at home with 2 kids and a husband earning $60,000 and they just barely maintain decent – few meals out, no overnight trips except to family, no splurges…they get the basics covered and not much more.
Of course, if you want to live some sort of alternative, off-the-grid life, it’s a different question. And you could go back to work, but daycare will eat up just about all of one pay cheque until the child is in school full time.
I think more people should think this one through. Although the decision to have children is not primarily a financial calculation, it’s definitely an important one to be realistic about.
October 1, 2009 at 10:03 am
My husband and I decided before we were even married that we would do whatever it took to make sure I could stay home with our kids. For us that meant delaying home ownership in favour of building up an EF, driving a cheaper car we could pay for with cash to avoid a car payment, and just being frugal in general. In retrospect I wish we would have saved more when we had two incomes, but we never went crazy with our money and didn’t rack up any consumer debt.
We’ve got 2 kids now, and we are managing just fine on an income of 60K/year (and that’s 10 months of employment and 2 months of EI, as my husband is in school for his apprenticeship training 2 months of the year). We rent (but have a growing downpayment fund!), have one older car, eat 98% of meals at home (and mostly from scratch), buy second hand clothes when possible, ect. All of the big baby items were bought second hand, except for the car seats. I was planning on breastfeeding but was unable to, so formula was an unexpected expense ($100/month for the first year) but one we have been able to manage. We also have a budget for entertainment, gifts, yearly expenses, etc. We have an emergency fund, life and disability insurance, and I budget so that I know where every dollar is going. We never, ever just “throw it in the cart”. We are behind on retirement savings, but my husband has an excellent pension plan and we plan to ramp up retirement savings when I go back to work in a few years. There are sacrifices for sure, but it IS doable.
October 1, 2009 at 10:05 am
I was going to mention as well that Alberta has a stay-at-home parent subsidy of up to $100 per month per child for preschool and other educational programs for little ones. With our income we receive full subsidy and it has allowed me to put my boys in things like gymboree, swimming lessons, etc.
October 1, 2009 at 10:06 am
I never had a plan when I had my two kids and because of that I went back to work when my daughter was two months old. If I could go back in time I would have changed everything about that time in her life. She was a difficult baby to begin with and the stress I was under with work did not help matters. I now understand that the “things” were so not worth it and that time with my children is the most important thing in life. If I had had a plan for the finances I would have been in a much better position. Staying home would not have been a financial stress.
October 1, 2009 at 10:14 am
[...] Staying Home with Baby « gailvazoxlade.comThe first thing you will need to do is find out how much you’ll be getting for mat leave or parental leave and create a working budget for life with baby. If you plan to stay home full-time after baby has arrive, then practice living on … read more… [...]
October 1, 2009 at 10:15 am
Think of all the children who would never have been born if their parents looked at the “number” and said oh sorry we don’t make enough.. I don’t think Gails point is that you have to make certain amount of money in order to have kids.. the point as with all her posts is that their is finite amount of money and with that finite amount of money you have to priortize.. you have to closely look at the “pie” that you have and divide it up to pay for what you have decided you want
- so while you may think that $60,000 a year is not enough to have a decent life and certainly not enough to have kids its sort of a matter of priorities I think.. my mom raised 2 kids on less than $16000 a year-did we go without any neccessities?? never.. did we have everything our hearts desired? not so much – but I can tell you that I sure as heck appreciate what I have alot more than those of my friends who were handed everything in life.. oddly enough I also am alot more successful and financially “well off” compared to those of my friends from school days whose parents handed them everything they could have asked for… coincendence?? probably not..
October 1, 2009 at 10:20 am
We are hoping to be expecting soon and are in pretty good shape financially. We should have a 6 month EF setup by the end of the year and in the next year have the one car we own paid off completely (which is our only debt other than the mortgage). As for the mortgage we did something to make it more affordable in case something unexpected happens. We actually set the mortgage up for a 30 year amortization but set the payments to be below 20 years (we did have to increase the mortgage payment by 20% as soon as we signed which means we can’t increase it again for a year). This should give us some additional flexibility if we need it. I would really hate to have to decrease the mortgage payment but that would be better than incurring consumer debt. We also plan on following Gail’s advice and trying to live on one salary after we get pregnant. It will be tight but I think we can manage it.
October 1, 2009 at 10:33 am
Our combined income dropped in half after I went on maternity leave – that’s after adding the EI.
We managed just fine though, by keeping a somewhat strict budget.
Going back to work was the best thing for us, in many ways. First, if I was at home while my husband was sick, we would have been toast. On top of worrying about the sickness, we would have had to worry about losing the house.
My child is getting a wonderful experience at the daycare (singing, dancing, yoga even – ah those yuppy daycares!)
Third, while I would like to be with my son a few more hours a day, I don’t think I’m cut to stay with him 24 hrs a day. I think it’s not right to get him accustomed to only me – it’s not fair to him, it’s not fair to me.
“You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth” Khalil Gibran
October 1, 2009 at 10:39 am
I found with both my boys that it wasn’t necessarily their needs that cost us money.. it was “entertainment” money for me while on mat leave that added up.. I thought I would save all this money because I would be at home but what I didn’t realize is that I would go a little stir crazy if I was home ALL day.. and at the time I wasn’t very good at finding free things to do.. so it was days at the zoo, and mommy and me classes and coffee/shopping/lunch with the other moms. Or taking a hobby that costs $$ to keep myself busy… I know lot’s of mom’s who are really good at living frugally and staying home …I just wasn’t one of them.. sometimes it’s a matter of facing the facts about what type of person you are..
October 1, 2009 at 10:51 am
Amy, I agree that having kids should not primarily be a financial decision. You would NEVER have them if you felt everything had to be “financially perfect” ahead of time. If you want them, then find a way to make it happen–make more money, move somewhere cheaper or with better job prospects, etc. As Gail says, you can have anything you want in life–just plan and work for it!
Gill, the first question to ask is can just you and your partner live ok on one income? If not, adding a kid is not gonna make things easier!
But if so, you prolly can find a way to swing it, if that’s what you really want. Again, make more, move elsewhere…and don’t forget about the tax benefits and credits you’ll get at a 30K income level with a child.
Nola, I am sad to hear you say you did not have all the kids you wanted for financial reasons; many folks don’t get all the kids they wanted for a variety of reasons, and it is very hard to deal with. But I don’t think you are the first generation to do so. I know folks from my grandmother’s generation who gave up children they couldn’t afford, or even terminated pregnancies in some cases. And as for the rise in housing prices, I once read an interesting book about how the rise of double-income families has not turned out as predicted–families are not better off in terms of having lots more disposable income. What’s happened instead is that prices of necessities have risen to accommodate the second income (house prices in particular), as double-income has become “the new normal.” Get ready to see the same thing happen to university costs as “the new normal” is kids coming in with RESPs that have been maxed out for the government grants. If the new normal is kids having at least 50K in RESPs to get them started, do you really think university is going to be more affordable for these kids, or will educational institutions feel ok about rising prices well beyond the rate of inflation to accommodate the new normal? Hmmm….
October 1, 2009 at 10:52 am
My best savings tips are search flyers and stock up. I just bought a years supply of diapers at less than half price. Garage sales: lots of places have kids oriented community garage sales or look for your nearby ‘Mothers of Multiples’ group. They usually have massive garage sales with awesome prices and lots of selection.
Start an RESP for your kids even if it’s just with $5 because different programs are available. In AB you get $500 just for opening an RESP, and $100 given 2x later in their lives (ages 8 & 11, I think?) Then there is always an account available if your loved ones give the kids money or the kids get a job later on. There is also the federal grant of a minimum of 20% to match what you put in, more for lower incomes.
October 1, 2009 at 11:08 am
Ioana, I’m happy for you that you have found what works for your family, and I applaud you for knowing yourself well enough to recognize that being a stay-at-home parent is not for you. But please don’t perpetuate the myths that folks who do choose to stay home are with their kids 24 hours per day, or that their children do not get to be around others (adults or kids), thus harming their child (“not fair to him”) by making this choice. Different strokes for different folks.
October 1, 2009 at 11:12 am
Natalie, in Alberta for children born after 2005 there is a one-time $500 RESP grant when you open an RESP. There is also 3 other $100 grants, for all AB children, at ages 8, 11, and 14, provided you have contributed at least $100 to the RESP in the previous year, and your child is enrolled in school (registered homeschoolers also qualify). I’m right in the middle of looking into RESPs right now. HTH.
October 1, 2009 at 11:17 am
I know times are different now ( I’m 50) & it is best to ‘calculate the cost’ when having kids – or anything for that matter…but in the words of my mother ‘If I waited ’til I could afford it, I would never have had any of you kids’. She had 4.
October 1, 2009 at 11:19 am
Im a stay at home mom and right now we are mostly living on one income. I do have a home based buisness that brings in some money when im really focusing on it. We are lucky that my husband has a good enough job that were not scraping by like we had in the past. Even after our first child was born, i was doing quite well with The Pampered Chef averaging about $500 a month as well as doing preschool twice a week.
The preschool eventually got to be too much for me I just didn’t have time to do the planning and it was affecting both me and the children in the preschool. So both I and my employer agreed that it was in the best interest of everyone that I pull out.
We seemed to be doing quite well for a time and so we decided to try for our second. We got the news that hey were pregnant again and the weeks started out great. Then the car broke down, back when we first just had one vehicle then my husband was told that he would not be having his teaching contract renewed.
He was paid by a yearly salary so he took the summer off we went home to visit family in ontario and He started looking for a job when we got back. He found one, not his desired job but they treated him well at a local GM dealership. Again we were back to scraping by. But We were very lucky for my husband to get on at a local coal mine and we have been doing pretty good since then. We have been able to buy a van from friends. Not the best van but it is doing great for us and we were able to make payments. Good thing we have that van because my husband hit a deer with our car.
So we are back to one vehicle which is ok as the mine sends a bus to pick up the workers for their shifts (GREAT because it cuts down on transportation costs)
Really being a stay at home mom is doable. I think the key is not trying to live the life or buy everything you would if you didn’t have kids.
Family is important to us and we also Trust that God will provide in hardtimes. We will still try to do our best and provide what we can for our family. If something comes up that I need to go back to work then I will. Luckily I haven’t had to yet.
Times have been hard but we have always managed to get by with Gods help.
October 1, 2009 at 11:23 am
Risa – yes you have a good point, thank you!
October 1, 2009 at 11:32 am
@Nola. You might be surprised at how much housing costs in an urban environment. My partner and I live in a modest, 20yr old townhouse and there are alot of costs associated with that. I’m convinced that in the city you do need about 60,000 of income in order to afford to own your own place. Even if you live in a condo, there are the dreaded condo fees that go with it. I used to live in Toronto and even the ‘dumpy’ places are worth much more then they would in a smaller town/rural environment.
@Risa. I agree with your point about how the double-income family unit has not turned out the way we all thought it would be. Housing costs (again especially in the big cities) have become insane. Universities will always raise the cost of tuition. Before a student could make enough money in the summer to cover school expenses, now that is almost impossible unless you had a sweet summer job. The amount of undergrads working p/t or even f/t while in school is rising. Tuition is approaching the $6000 mark. A student would have to find a $15 an hour summer job to just pay their tuition costs (not including books, transportation, school supplies, food costs, and if they live away housing). Unfortunately these jobs are hard to find.
Kids are expensive. I’m still a few years off before having any children, but I’ve started thinking about costs. I am definitely afraid of daycare costs/where baby is supposed to go when I am due back at work (lots of daycares don’t take kiddies until 18m). Given that my partner and I are both teachers (who are actively involved with extra-curriculars) I think we will both have to adjust our lifestyle as much as our financial plans. Coming home from school at 8pm will no longer be acceptable. We are already laughing at which one of us will give up our teams
October 1, 2009 at 11:40 am
i think there is a difference between not being able to afford to have kids and having them anyways but not going into debt and not being able to afford to have kids and having them anyways and totally racking up thousands and thousands of dollars debt.
October 1, 2009 at 11:52 am
It’s all about the lifestyle. If you are willing to have a baby and raise that baby normally, rather than having a ‘designer baby’ and raising it to what you think the cultural norm should be, then your expenses will be lower than you think.
Try to live on one income and get stuck on that treadmill speed. If the treadmill goes faster, find ways of reducing that speed to stay on one income. After that, any secondary income goes to lowering treadmill speed (i.e. paying down debt).
Your baby will not have any clue that you have a brand-name stroller, crib, and flashing whatever. We clothe our kids in 2nd and 3rd hand clothes from friends of ours, and they don’t care. When we get holes in the clothes, we turn them into rags, shorts, or toss them out.
Babies don’t care about the Jones’, they just care about the time, attention, and love you give them. Live like a pauper, but know that you are ensuring your baby a better future by not spending like crazy for them now.
October 1, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Rebeca, Yes, I am well aware of how much tuition has gone up. When my parents were young, they could work a summer job (and a low-paying flipping burgers one at that!) and have enough money to cover ALL their university AND living costs. Me, working summers ( I actually worked WAY more than that to pay 100% of my own way, but won’t bore you with the story) covered tuition and books only. I recently checked the U of A website for current fees, and found them at be just over 3K/term (~6K/year) for a B.Sc., not including books–i.e., an amount the average kid would have a hard time clearing over the summer. Multiply that by 2 (we have 2 boys) and by 4 (number of years to complete the degree) and we’re looking at about 50K to educate our two. And that’s at TODAY’s prices, not including books or any living costs! Ack!!!
Hence, we are looking into RESPs a lot more seriously now. We always planned to help the boys down the road, mainly by having the house paid off (no mortgage) but now the ~20K from the government ($7200 RESP grant per kid, plus an extra $800 and $300 from the province of AB, plus interest earned on these monies over the next 11-14 years) is looking awfully appealing!
October 1, 2009 at 12:13 pm
and don’t forget when Mother Nature throws you a curve ball and sends you 2 babies at the same time instead of 1!
Joanne
Mom to 7 year old Twins
October 1, 2009 at 12:27 pm
@Risa: I wish my two summers flippin burgers paid my costs
I worked on average 2 jobs during the summer and up to 3 during the school year. I went away to school and it cost me about 15,000 a year. The shortfall was covered by OSAP. In Teachers college I couldn’t work and my summer job was very very low paying (but great experience wise) camp job, so that year was a full 10,000 OSAP loan (yay!). I wish my parents invested in RESP’s when I was a kid, but they didn’t. However I don’t think they thought it was going to cost that much for a university education.
I have no intention of putting my kids through college/university, but I will have *some* money for them in an RESP. I always tell my high-school co-workers at my p/t job to save their money they earn rather than spend it at the mall (which is what I did). They give me weird looks and then I tell them what my actual profession is/how much university costs and why OSAP isn’t ‘easy money’.
October 1, 2009 at 12:38 pm
Nice post Amy – I agree with your perspective – it’s a lot like mine!!
October 1, 2009 at 12:53 pm
Rebecca, Your experience sounds like mine, except I wasn’t able to get OSAP (parents made/had too much but did not think it was their job to help, as they had put themselves thru school–don’t know if student loans places have since changed the rules). I could only get OSAP if I could prove I had lived away from home for x years, was over X age, etc. So I had no choice but to work. I worked 4 jobs while going to school full-time, plus summers, plus any extra hours I could get during breaks (Xmas, reading week). I lived at home for 2 years then moved out in 3rd year to a very modest studio place (cheaper than residence). And this was on top of several scholarships I won! By 4th year, when I knew I was heading to grad school, I about killed myself getting as high a GPA as possible while continuing to work. Lived on 4 hours of sleep per night for most of the year. It was nuts! But I got into grad school with a decent stipend working as a T.A.. And grad school, which I moved across the country for, was where I had the “typical university experience” of nights in pubs, out with friends, etc. Took me an extra year to finish the Masters…no kidding, eh?
Anyways, part of why we want to help our kids with school is hubby and I both graduated without any student debt. We have friends who are finally about done their student loans (as our age group nears its 40th year) and we know how hard this was for them in terms of buying a house, having kids, traveling…you know, having a LIFE after school. Partly we want to help cuz hubby got help from his folks and is appreciative, and partly we want to help cuz I don’t want my boys to have the near nervous breakdown I did after living on 4 hours of sleep a night for months at a time!
We expect them to work and contribute, but there has to be some balance, no?
October 1, 2009 at 1:07 pm
@jason – how much you spend monthly on your baby will depend on many things but here are some general guidelines. (I have two kids, a just turned 3 yr old and an about to turn 1 yr old).
we spend about $80 a month on Pampers (usually one box for each kid). you can buy less expensive diapers but from someone who has tried them all there really is a difference and you often have to go through more of the cheaper ones.
if your wife/gf/partner is able to breastfeed you will save a TON of money because, well, its free! Formula is really expensive. we recently switched our daughter to formula at about 8 months and went through a can a week. Formula is anywhere from $15 for the basic store brand to $36 for the super nutrient omega this and that variety.
the jarred food that you give later on isn’t all that much and you can always puree your own if you are so inclined.
clothing and gear is all about how much you are willing to spend. you can go used with most items (though i would take extra precautions buying cribs and car seats used – there are certain safety regulations) but you can spend anywhere from $120 to $1000 on a stroller.
i never spent that much on clothes. my kids both spent the bulk of their first 4 months in sleepers from Walmart, Zellers and Joe Fresh.
there is definitely a lot to get though overall aside from the big ticket (crib/stroller/car seat) items – bottles, a breast pump, pacifiers, blankets, a highchair, winter gear (snowsuit etc.).
Do your research and watch for sales. Toys R Us/Babies R Us usually has a great one in July every year.
A couple mistakes i made were by trying to be too frugal. i.e. there are various different car seats, the kind that goes with the stroller as part of a travel system. the 2 in 1’s and the 3 in ones and finally boosters only. my advice is to not bother with the 2 n 1s. the one that is compatible with the stroller is definitely convenient but we made the mistake of getting the 2n1 next which is only good up to 40 pounds meaning you need to get a separate booster after that. I wish we would have just bought the 3 n 1 in the first place.
The other thing we did is not think about how we were really going to use our stroller. we first bought the Graco travel system one which is great for every day use and smooth side walks but we also do a lot of trail walking and running so we also then “had” to get a jogging stroller and then finally because the first two were too big to fit in our then vehicle we “had” to get an umbrella stroller.
Putting out a bit more money up front (and proper planning) would have saved us hundreds in the long run.
Hope that helps a little bit.
October 1, 2009 at 1:12 pm
@Risa
Balance is key for sure. I already know my kids wont be able to get OSAP (nor do i really want them to) because their parents will be top-level earning teachers by then. I’m going to help them out, but not be all ‘here is 10,000 dollars have fun!’. I’ve been surprised when walking around my Uni and seeing the freshman students demand that their parents buy them this and that (no joke).
I’m actually not even sure that I would be able to get OSAP if I were 18 again as my parents make significantly more and even then I never got a full loan and one year I got ‘cut off’. I tend to look back and try to figure out if I would have done better in school if I didn’t work so much. I was a solid B+ student, but was so involved that there were night I should have been studying for a midterm and I was either doing club activities or working.
At the same time, working at my university jobs gave me crucial work experience and has brought me more than just money. It goes both ways I guess?
October 1, 2009 at 1:30 pm
I want to share another aspect of being a stay-at-home mom; returning to work ’somewhere’ down the road is extremely difficult. Before SAHM days, I had ran offices, and/or done payroll for a CP hotel with 250+ employees. Post SAHM days, I could not get a job because: 1) no ‘recent, relevant’ experience, or 2) no paper ‘credential’ that proved I could do these jobs. Note that after over 10 years most of my supervisors were retired, or otherwise out of the picture. At 46 I returned to school to get those papers, while racking up student loan debt to support my two sons still at home (divorced by this time). I crammed three 2-yr programs into three years, winning 7 scholarships/bursaries, and obtaining 2 diplomas (3rd still needs two classes, which I can take online). Guess what? Now I am over 50, still have no recent, relevant experience, and would have to move to another province to get into my ‘field’!! How bogus is that?? And I still have the SL debt to eliminate, working a job and a half not even remotely using my diplomas. On the other hand, I would not trade those years at home with my sons for anything, especially since my ex was either a truck driver or musician, depending on his whims, and gone for weeks at a time. I basically was a single parent long before I became a single parent. While living on an acreage, my boys were exposed to raising animals, and learning where their meat and eggs came from, gardening, walks in the forest, and cooking over the outdoor fire pit. When my youngest was about to start kindergarten, he came home from the playground quite upset – he said he couldn’t start kindergarten, he’d never been to Daycare!! Pre-SAHM days, I earned $30K+ a year in the mid- 80’s. 25 years later, I am just now making the same income – go figure. It might be hard financially, but there is always something one can do. I baked for the farmer’s markets, did sewing and craft work, which always added to the family coffers. I still sew and bake for customers, and always will, because there is a need for it, and I will not turn down any opportunity to add to my EF. Kids do talk tho, and here’s a cute story: I always told my boys that they could not have sex until they got married, and they could not get married until they were at least 25, because they had to get an education, get a good job, and a house, so they could look after their wife and upcoming kids. My one son looked at me and said “some mom’s work you know!!” One can only do so much, I guess… lol
October 1, 2009 at 1:32 pm
I see so many parents who kill themselves to give their kids everything they didn’t have.. whether it be a paid education, every extra cirricular activity known to man or all kinds of gadgets and toys but forget that perhaps what our parents didn’t give us or pushed us to get on our own is part of who we are today and maybe just maybe part of why we are successful? Why are we so afraid to have our kids struggle or want for something??
October 1, 2009 at 1:42 pm
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October 1, 2009 at 1:47 pm
The key is to have a plan. Besides planning or not planning to have a child, life presents us with many uncertainties, the key is to have a plan in place to help you weather the uncertainties of life.
Outside from having an emergency and balanced budget, have we taken the time to protect the most important household asset, the income earner(s)? Loss of income or in other words unemployment comes in other forms besides losing a job. No job, serious illness, death, disability are all forms of unemployment as in with these cases unless there’s insurance coverage in place no income will be present.
Living life on one income and being supported by a spouse is a great thing if you can do it. Establishing an emergency fund and a balanced budget while living on one income is also a great thing. Facing unemployment (no income) because of a disability, illness or death while only on one income and not protecting the earner with various insurance policies is a whole new area that needs to be explored.
What good is an emergency fund or a balanced budget when a serious illness happens to the income earner and the funds are exhausted to pay for things not covered by any medical plan? What good is a balanced budget when the income earner becomes disabled and is now forced to live on a reduced income for a stated length of time? What happens if the income earner dies without insurance and now leaves the stay at home parent and child with no inflow of cash for present and/or future needs?
We insure our house, car, boat, jewellery, but fail to insure the asset that was able to purchase all these things, ourselves. Don’t fail to plan, but plan so that you won’t fail.
October 1, 2009 at 2:09 pm
This actually is something I have been thinking quite a bit about lately. We are getting married in 8 months and we are probably going to be trying for a baby one year after the wedding. I have also been a budget person. I keep it in Excel at work and at home so I can stay focused or make any changes I need to when I want. So to figure out what our budget would like during Mat leave was not that difficult. I went threw all of our expenses and reduced and eliminated what I could or felt was reasonable. Our savings and debt repayment took the biggest hit. Our savings is currently at $300 a month (not incl. RSP) and debt repayment is $800 as I am determined to get a St.Loan of $10000 and Credit line of $1350 paid off before a baby would arrive. So eliminating the debt repayment amount during Mat leave wouldn’t be a big deal because I plan for the debt to be gone by then. I was pleased after punching in all the numbers to see we could handle me being on Mat leave while still contributing (even though significantly less) to RSP’s, Savings and Emergency fund. However once I punched in the numbers after Mat leave would expire I realized that there is no way we could do it. I will have to think of this more as I do want at least one parent to be home with the kids until they start school.
Here is my question:
I understand after you buy all the baby essentials (crib, car seat, clothes, etc) baby’s cost about $150 a month. What about a 2-5 year olds? Are they the same cost per month as I don’t imagine they would be involved in many activities at this age? I do know kids get more expensive when they start school etc. but that to me is okay because I would be going back to work once the enter school.
October 1, 2009 at 2:11 pm
Aside from being financially prepared for baby, you should also be physically prepared after giving birth. You are so tired and might still be in pain. So if you don’t have a support system, where you have family and friends to help out physically, do some planning ahead of time. Such as making and freezing meals for atleast 7days worth. It will save you from ordering take out and blowing alot of money. Buying all necessary supplies ahead of time would be more cost effective. You can do your research on what’s best for your baby and budget. Having your house in order, will reduce stress. And if your other half can help you in the first month , instead of taking it separately or not at all,you will be sooo happy.
October 1, 2009 at 2:52 pm
@ Megan
I didn’t start to see the real costs of kids start creep its way into our budget until my oldest turned 5 (and the youngest was 3) I found this was at the point where the hand me downs for the youngest dwindled off- older brother started blowing through the knees of the pants and the kids werent’ as willling to accept clothes as a legitmate christmas/bday gift..LoL.. and it wasn’t until about 5 or so that the activites kicked in.. (anything before that is truly a waste of money IMO..just becuase they can take a class at their age doesn’t mean they need to.. I learned the hard way) and at about 5 all of the birthday parties start – and the groceries.. I have two pretty active boys and they can chow through groceries at an alarming rate… the most challenging thing can be making healty, reasonably priced , kid friendly , peanut free lunches.. seriously they should offer university courses in that one..
be prepared for your first year of school a tough one to budget.. between school fees, busing, picture day, fundraisers and blah blah it is never ending- my oldest is in grade one this year and I started sept knowing full well what I would have to shell out..
October 1, 2009 at 3:59 pm
Megan – I have a 3 and a 1/2 year old and an 8 month old, and my oldest probably costs less in the long run. Obviously I don’t have to worry about formula, and he eats a lot less than we do…his part of the food bill is probably about $40-50 a month. He’s not potty trained yet so I still have to buy diapers, but many children are potty trained by this age so you save a lot that way. Clothes cost a little more but I buy almost all of his clothes second hand and he couldn’t care less what I dress him in! His activities are covered by the subisdy I mentioned earlier, as well as trips to the park, indoor playground, etc that are free or only a few dollars. Play dates with little friends are great too and a good way to swap babysitting! He gets plenty of toys at Christmas and his birthday so we’re not buying that stuff all the time.
October 1, 2009 at 4:51 pm
As a daughter of one of the posters above, I second the view that kids don’t need to cost as much as we think they do. I think it would be fantastic if I was able to start RESPs (no kids yet) once I have kids, but if it’s not in the cards – it’s not. I won’t let something like that stop me from raising a brood.
I want to be the kind of grandmother that I have now (which means 3-5 kids of my own) – and my partner wants 4 kids as well. We’ll do our best to plan for it (because I’m sort of a budget freak) but in the end, if all we can do is afford a roof over their heads, clean clothes on their backs, and food in their tummy’s – then I think that’s wonderful – because they will always have all our love.
October 1, 2009 at 5:45 pm
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October 1, 2009 at 7:48 pm
[...] Staying Home with Baby « gailvazoxlade.com [...]
October 1, 2009 at 8:23 pm
excellent post gail. since going back to work after mat leave 3 months ago, all i’ve done is think about how badly i want to stay home with my daughter. however, right now, it’s not in the cards for us-need to finish paying off some debt, build up the emergency fund. the thing is though, i badly want it-and that is a great motivator. but i want to do it right. it may not be able to happen now, which emotionally is hard, but maybe if we work and plan hard enough, it can be our reality after a (hopefully) second child.
i love this blog Gail, thanks again!
October 1, 2009 at 8:34 pm
I always have believed that being able to be a stay home parent was a priviledge. We got unexpectedly pregnant early in our marriage…our original plan was be married for a couple of years first, buy a house and then have the kids…well that didn’t happen! We lived on a tight budget because at the time, I was working contract work and didn’t qualify for EI maternity benefits. We lived and we survived. The only do-over I would wish for is save the income we disposed of before we had kids! I wouldn’t change a thing. We had cloth diapers, hand me down clothes and very humble meals…grandparents always brought food over when they came for us to throw in the freezer. I feel sad for the people who say they can’t “afford” to have children. You haven’t listened to Gail’s mantra….LIVE WITHIN YOUR MEANS. There is never a “good” time to have them whether it’s financially or emotionally. Children are a blessing and a gift. I had to bottle feed my children because I couldn’t nurse…that was more than we hoped but we always made sure it fit into our small budget. It was also 18 years ago and again, wouldn’t change it for the world! Re-think your “we can’t afford kids” thoughts. Look at what you can really live without and then look again and make the decision. Your children will survive if they wear hand me down clothes or thrift store clothes and so will you. Learn to sew if you think they or you needs something new…take apart an adult shirt or pants and make your baby a new outfit! Did it many times and my kids were the cleanest best dressed on the block. They also did without the many lessons and social calendars that most people think children need to have. Kids need to develop imaginations. If we plan and do EVERYTHING for them, they will never grow.
October 1, 2009 at 9:00 pm
hmmm…. i am beginning to think twice about having a baby too soon. i guess i could wait for another couple of years!
October 1, 2009 at 9:23 pm
Subsidies…
A real pet peeve for us.
Who do you think pays for all those subsidies?
It is the people who work and pay taxes. The two income families, who do not qualify for these subsidies because they “make too much”.
If everyone reduces their income to the one income and can qualify for these subsidies and free program, there will be no one left to actually fund these programs.
I have children of my own and I am sick and tired of funding everyone else’s kids for daycare and extra curricular activities. My kids don’t qualify for any of these things and we pay through the nose for daycare.
Yes, I could have stayed home and chose to live on the one income, but I chose not to because my career is important to me and it is a backup plan for our family. Plus … who will pay for those subsidy and program.
Did you know all these programs are during the day, so the only people who can take advantage of them if the stay at home parents? How is that fair?
Somedays it makes me want to just give up and go on welfare. The ones I know certainly have more disposable income than we do, and they don’t have to work.
October 1, 2009 at 11:24 pm
I’ve fallen into at-home parenthood with my second child, due to an unexpected lay-off. All that I can say is thank heavens we had our ducks in a row. Even if you plan to return to work, the unexpected can happen. Good planning saved us from financial disaster, and is allowing me to extend my leave at home.
October 2, 2009 at 8:37 am
dd- just curious…do your send you $100/month UCCB back to the government?
October 2, 2009 at 11:57 am
Hi – I’m actually working on a financial guidebook for Canadian parents (Gail’s in the book!) being published in February. I’m looking for a couple of parents with older children (over age 6) to provide feedback, suggestions, and quotes on how they manage their family budget, deal with the gimmies, etc.
I need four moms or dads to comment. I will mail you the manuscript and a SASE but I do need them back by November 15. Anyone interested? Please email me at sarahdeveau@shaw.ca with your mailing address. Thanks in advance!
October 2, 2009 at 12:10 pm
dd- not all single income families receive subsidy. So don’t lump all stay at home parents in the same group. And most parents that do stay home, usually do not send their kids to daycare, it kinda defeats the purpose. Perhaps your confusing single income families with single parents.
October 2, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Tara-
Nope – the $100 a month is put aside for the kids education because we know they will not qualify for any assistance. At this point I do not count that as my money (even though I claim it on my taxes), it is the kids money to prepare them for their future.
I wish the government would just put the $100 a month toward better system that would benefit everyone. I know too many people who say they use the money for clothes, etc for the kids. Do they kids really need that much clothes, toys, etc?
Fay-
Not all do, but maybe I am just jaded. I know way too many who do, and for a large amounts. I know a lot of families who are one income (2 parent) who still send kids to daycare (and they pay $1.40 a day for full daycare).
October 2, 2009 at 3:31 pm
dd
that would not fly in Manitoba. Both parents must be either in school or working full time to qualify for subsidy. You cannot have a parent not working and receive it.
I do get your point however. I’m a working Mom of young kids and have some SAHM friends who brag about the amount of CTC they receive.
October 2, 2009 at 5:04 pm
It’s odd how, back in the day, babies didn’t have such an impact on the family income. Sure, there was the extra furniture to buy and clothing but because mom didn’t bring a significant (if any) income into the home, you didn’t notice it had vanished when she stayed home to take care of baby. Now, because couples start their lives as a two income family, and take on far more debt then a one income couple would have, it’s a horrible shock!
I really think couples must decide BEFORE marriage, if they wish to pay to live or live to pay. If mom would like to stay home with the children, then don’t buy that 4 bedroom house the first year into the marriage. Don’t get that second car, don’t assume a foreign vacation every year is a requirement. If the couple feels they NEED all of this, then face the facts that when they have children, the primary care giver WILL be going back to work.
Questions couples must ask themselves are, can we live in a two bedroom apt for a few years after the children come? Can we save for a “fixer upper”? Can we obtain the skills necessary to, when ready, do a lot of work ourselves to the home? Is taking the bus with 2 children a fate worse then death (I did it with 3 wee ones)
If a couple plans to go the way of one income, it won’t be easy. Many of their two income friends will have a big screen TV in every room while they huddle around one but, is there something really wrong with the whole family being “forced” to be together? It can be done, we did it:)
October 2, 2009 at 8:32 pm
[...] Staying Home with Baby [...]
October 3, 2009 at 6:41 pm
Kathy -
I live in Winnipeg
. It is actually true in Manitoba too. I know many people who are “looking for a job” who are receiving subsidy. Funny how they have been looking for over 2, 3 or 5 years and still have found nothing… I’m not knocking the people who are really trying but these are the ones that come out right and say they are not really looking, just taking the ride.
October 4, 2009 at 11:32 am
I don’t see how any nomal family can go down to one income indefinitely today.
Kids or no kids.
And then people go back to “when our parents raised us my mom was at home” is completeely irrelevent in todays world and costs!!
It has no bearing whatsoever!!
Even CPP pension benefits and disability are geared to each spouse being an independant contributor to each ones CPP plan.
So what is your point about sitting at home.
You are going to need something at 65 unless you have a gold spoon in your mouth.
Lots of grans and grandpas look after the kids while the young parents work today as well.
Though people can claim they do it on one income, one doesn’t know or can prove over the internet if they have unmentioned family help.
You never get the truth there on the internet.
You can’t verify anything.
Given large down payment for house or in two cases I know they got houses given to them by the rich parents.
Goes on lots the time actually with variations of course.
Or the spouse on the 1 remaining income has a blue chip job.
Even more likely
Sure under those specific cases you can do what you want.
October 6, 2009 at 8:19 pm
Tara, what is UCCB??? Never heard of it??!
dd, I can relate! I often feel the same way. As a working mom (always worked aside from three entirely too brief maternity leaves), it can be hard to watch others reap the benefits of our hard work. But that is OK. I sleep well at night. And although my kids missed out on the “during the day” programs, they are all awesome and smart and well-adjusted. Yours will be too. Staying at home with your kids is great, and I am all for it. But that doesn’t mean being in a two income family is not OK. It is more than OK. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. Took me years to learn that lesson.
October 9, 2009 at 10:05 pm
John, hate to burst that bubble about Grandparents taking care of the kids while the parents work but… most grandparents still have jobs.
Finances are always relative. My Grandparents never had a house, only affording to live in a walk up and raising 3 children. My father used to talk about houses costing $11,000.00 when we bought our “fixer upper” house back in 1978 for $47,000.00
Yes, the same house is now worth $450,000 but when we bought my husband made $10.00 an hour as an electrician and the electrician union package is now about $52.00 per hour.
So, you see that it really doesn’t cost more to live, it’s just that we all WANT more.
We saved a 25% down payment for the house in our first 3 years of marriage. While doing so, we lived in a two bedroom apt with 2 children.
Once moved into the house, our third child was 6 months old before we bought our first car, used.
No young people now a days would do this, they assume they NEED the house (and it’s usually a new and/or large home) before the kids. (they also have not one but often two cars)
There are many families that DO need two incomes because both have lower paying jobs but there are others that say they must have two incomes when really they mean they have a two income life style.
One thing we did have working to our advantage, back in the day, were the tax deductions. Now, a partner who stays at home with the children is not tax deductable, nor are the children. For us, this made a huge difference.
I have one daughter that goes out to work to help support their 4 children (and they do live in an old house that requires work all the time) and I have another daughter who is at home, as financially they can afford her to do so, so I do understand both sides.
October 11, 2009 at 8:34 am
We are living on one income, and have been for 3 years now, and my daughters are 8 and 5. We chose to go to one income as the hours at my work made things difficult, re. daycare, getting home to make dinner, etc. My husband is on shift work, and after a day of work for me, I was stressed and didn’t enjoy family life. My parents are both deceased, and my husband’s family is 2 hours away, so no family here to rely on (as John above seems to think works!) So, now after 3 years of one income, we do cut back a bit, but we still go have fun with the girls away (go to hotels after checking with Travelzoo to get the great deals). We are saving up for a Disney vacation next fall, and don’t subscribe to cable or satellite TV (we still use rabbit ears, and watch shows via internet), and have an older TV that works just fine. For the girls RESPs, I put all the money I get from the Federal gov’t into it – which is the $100 per month for a child 6 and less, and the “family allowance” money – works out to just under $200 per month total. I figure this money is the girl’s – so I’m putting it to their future. I shop at second hand clothing stores – you would be amazed at what you will find there, and buy shoes and boots new on sale (usually after season). We don’t skimp on food, and I also bake and cook from scratch (well, most cases!) Our two cars are getting older, and because we live in the country, we do value both of them, so we are saving up for new-to-us cars soon. My youngest has a medical condition that requires we still buy pull up type undergarments, so that is an added cost to our budget. We put money away for emergencies, have savings accounts, and both have RRSPs. We love how we live, and treasure the time that we are able to spend with family. Yes, it is hard work, and we don’t go on vacations via airlines every year. Our trips are closer to home, and we love to camp as well. If you truly want to live this type of life, you can do it – you just have to plan, and realize what you value – stuff, or family. I chose family.
November 11, 2009 at 1:15 pm
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March 15, 2010 at 2:22 pm
I function with these dogs and as far as animal behavior goes, I am a firm believer in nurture and instruction. I have met Jack Russell Terriers that I would not go around once again, but have for no reason had a negative knowledge with an American Staffordshire Terrier. If you are talking about their owners- nicely, which is a various story. Human beings are animals as nicely, and we often each have our very own tips about “moral concepts”.