Fun & Money
Posted by Gail | Filed under Balance
Brent Dobson over at Moonjar.ca wanted me to let y’all know that they’ve just launched their Classroom Contest. A classroom kit is the prize, which includes the Moonjar Leader’s Lesson Plan, 25 Standard Moonjars, a Classic Moonjar, “How the Moonjar Was Made” picture book and a “Conversations to Go about Money” game. Entries may be submitted on behalf of classes/groups through their teachers or parents.
Sometimes we get so caught up in doing The Right Thing with our money – building our emergency fund, paying off debt, saving for the future – that we lose sight of the fact that money is for spending. Now I’m not telling y’all to go out and blow your dough willy-nilly. But if you’re so focused on your financial goals that you can’t let go of a penny for fun and frolic, you may have a whole other problem.
I’m a big believer in balance. It’s about doing the detail, taking care of the must-haves, and having a great life too. It doesn’t always have to cost a lot of money to have fun, but sometimes having fun does cost a buck or sixty and we need to be willing to play.
It’s easy to get trapped in the We-can’t-afford-it mindset when you’re struggling to get back to even. Comes a time, however, when baby’s been taken care of, house is tidied up, and the paperwork is in order to just have a great time.
It all very well to have financial goals, but I get letters from people who have swung so far to the side of frugality that they are positively miserable to live with. Here’s a letter I got from a young girl (you might be surprised at how many letters I get from kids). A wrote:
Dear Gail. I watch your show with my mom and I know you’re always telling people to find fun free things to do so they don’t have to spend their money. But is it ever okay just to go out and have fun without thinking about money. My mom and dad don’t ever go to a movie or out to eat. We always take our own food wherever we’re going. And every time someone gives me money for my birthday, my mom makes me put it in the bank for school. So what’s the point in working hard for money if you never have any fun?
A, m’love, what is the point indeed? I don’t know how old you are but you sure sound pretty mature to me. And if I could have a conversation with your Mom, I would tell her that taking care of the future is important. So is planning for the emergencies – little and big – that life throws your way. But having fun is important too. A, you’ll notice that on my show every budget I create has some money set aside for “entertainment.” I think planning to have fun is part of having a balanced life. I suggest you sit down with your Mom and Dad and talk about what you can do as a family to free up some money for a Fun Jar.
One of the reasons people sometimes go overboard with their frugality is that they’re afraid. They can imagine a time when they will no longer be working and wonder how they will manage financially. Or they imagine their kids heading off to college or university and dread the thought of them graduating with a ton of debt. But if all you focus on is the bad that can happen, if you take Plan Like a Pessimist to the extreme, you’ll be so busy covering your butt you won’t have experienced any of the joys that make for a great life. Live Like an Optimist is also part of the equation. And Living Like an Optimist means having faith in your ability to make more money so you can spend some of what you have now to have some fun.
I’m not suggesting anyone spend money they haven’t yet earned: shop on credit. But I am reminding those of you with strong feelings about meeting your financial goals that life can sometimes be short, and if you’re not having a good time on the journey, the destination will, in the end, suck!
Oh, BTW, on the issue of putting birthday or other gift money in the bank, I’m constantly surprised at how parents treat their children’s “birthday money” as if it’s any different than the doll or truck it’s a substitute for. So, if your kid got a X-box for her birthday, would you make her take it back to the store for a refund so you could stick the money in the bank? If not, why do you treat “birthday money” as if it’s not for fun?Unless it’s been gifted with the explicit purpose of boosting savings — say for school — banking it is tantamount to Scrooging your child.
September 29, 2009 at 6:39 am
My battle with myself now is that I’ve finally been saving in a bank acct for Entertainment and Gifts, but this month I have a trip to see a friend for a weekend and a gym membership renewal due. Now, the cash is there in the Entertainment acct, but the balance looks so darned ‘pretty’ that I’m a bit loathe to touch it! Same with the Gifts fund…Wii’s are at a great price this week, and the family has wanted one for a couple of years now (Christmas gift this year was the last suggestion), but I wince at the thought of taking some $$ out of the Gifts’ fund to buy one.
Balance is key, for sure, so thanks for the reminder Gail. My weekend away with my g/f that I see every 2 years will be paid for with cash, not credit, so I’ll have fun and know that the Entertainment category will climb again soon. That said, I can totally understand now how people go from one extreme to the other overnight. To finally have cash in the bank after being a constant ‘over-drafter’ is exciting, but it IS planned spending after all, so may as well spend it with a smile while the EF is still continuing to grow.
September 29, 2009 at 7:12 am
Well said Gail. I especially identify with ‘One of the reasons people sometimes go overboard with their frugality is that they’re afraid. They can imagine a time when they will no longer be working and wonder how they will manage financially.’ where I am now….’Or they imagine their kids heading off to college or university and dread the thought of them graduating with a ton of debt.’ where I was a few years ago.
I’m still trying to get my equilibrium back financially after a $1900.00 whammy this summer. It was my decision not to use my TFSA to pay for it – I had some extra savings and wiggled $$ from here and there. I’m getting things back to where they were, but, it will take another month I think.
We aren’t spendthrifts, but, we do know how to have fun too. Our 3 days in Toronto for our 40th were awesome!
September 29, 2009 at 8:39 am
Gail, I wish you could take over my finances for awhile. You are always so sensible. I am a true spender….am I having fun….NO. The stress of my finances always out of control is not fun. I am a compulsive spender and often regret what I have spent my money on. So, being frugal is something I need to work on. Thank you for keeping me moving forward and continuing to work on making a difference so I am indeed having fun.
September 29, 2009 at 9:07 am
Gail bang on with the point again!
I find it interesting when looking back at my relationship with money…when I was little I wanted everything to go into the ban k account I had – allowance, paper route money, some of the birthday money. I loved seeing the balance go up and up and up and felt really proud that I was saving my own money for something really really worth while. You see in my house, as kids we were allowed to write to Santa every year but only ask for three things. (I can only remember one year I didn’t get any of those three things and was seriously disappointed). These three things had to be agonized over, well thought out, not just any old toy we saw because they were THE three things.
While my sister would answer that question in about five seconds and be content with her choices and not really care if she got them because she never remembered what she asked for, I would take weeks to sit down with myself and truly determine if I really wanted that item. Mom has always had to give me deadlines because I was the type to talk myself out of each one if left too long. I would decide that what I was asking for wasn’t truly meaningful enough to me and thus change that list a bunch of times. Similar with the money in my bank account. Things I really really wanted my mom would say well if you feel that strongly about it we’ll go to the bank and you can take out the money to get it. Once i knew it was coming from my money and not hers I’d be reluctant to go to the bank.
Somewhere in my adult life I’ve lost this propensity for saving the money for something I truly want and I spent it all on things that I wanted then but don’t want now. My pendulum has swung from one end to the other an back again. Balance is definitely key, as you say. Of note, this is the first year I gave my family a list of what NOT to buy me. After moving into my own place again, and cleaning out my mom’s house of almost everything I’ve kept and amassed over the years, I don’t have a need for anything really. Maybe a cheese grater, since it seems to be the only thing I don’t have. But the list is a mile long of what I don’t need. She laughed and said well what does this leave us with, and I said, it leaves us with fun experiences instead of objects.
At 30 it is very interesting to see that the practical gifts to be kept “for later” have really done the job of completing the home I’m making nicely. I’m just glad “for later” finally got here! And at 30 it’s nice to know that what I truly want now is time to spend with loved ones, and fun outings together instead. As I look back on my gifts from years gone by I truly only remember the experience ones anymore, and not getting that doll that cried, or the pogo ball that deflatted. I truly enjoyed the plays and the dinner out more.
September 29, 2009 at 9:15 am
Thank you so much for this article. You are right that balance is the key to happy living. Someday I’ll get there, I hope. You’re right that fear is the motivator to NOT spend anything. Despite the fact that my husband and I carry NO debt (not even a mortgage!), we still hesitate to do things like renovate a powder room or get new carpeting for the house. The cash funds are there to do it, we just don’t want to spend the money! Talk about crazy….
And as for the kid’s birthday money being banked instead of spent – I COMPLETELY agree. My husband and I regularly disagree on this idea – he thinks some or all of it should be put in the bank and I always argue that it’s meant to be a present – so the kids should get to spend it how they choose. I often prefer to give (and have my kids receive) gift cards as that can only be spent in a particular store for a particular kind of item (say a toy or video game). Then I know the child will get a gift, rather than a higher bank balance. My oldest son (who just turned 13) manages to carefully keep his cash and gift cards and spends them slowly over the course of a year. His birthday party was in July and he only purchased a video game he wanted last week when it was released. He actually enjoys doing this and I let him have complete control.
Thanks again for a wonderful stop-and-think moment!
September 29, 2009 at 9:45 am
I 100% agree with Pam’s comments about experiences rather than stuff. We just spent a chunk of change on a subscription to our local professional theatre. My husband and I both love theatre, but in the past, we never made the effort to buy tickets and go. We decided to buy the tickets to the 6 shows (you basically get 2 free if you subscribe-I’m always looking for a deal regardless) instead of buying each other stuff for gifts, because I find it’s way more fun to do something together than have a new sweater or trinket (plus it enriches our relationship). It took a bit effort for frugal little me to lay out the money for these tickets all at once, but as Gail says, we have an entertainment budget for a reason, right?
September 29, 2009 at 10:29 am
Gail, thank you for this particular post. For a “sensible” (i.e. tight-ass) person like myself with no debt and enough savings, it’s a good reminder that balance is key, and I’m probably not making the most of my life. Now, if you setup 5 more future posts like this, it might just sink in.
Ha ha
Pam, I’m so with you, and in the exact same position. Realizing how little is needed, but need to focus on more experiences.
September 29, 2009 at 10:40 am
This has been one of the things hubby and I have found most helpful about making a budget, er….SPENDING PLAN. Though we always had some fun, it was usually on little items here and there, and with me fighting my natural tendency to save (horde?), whereas hubby’s natural tendency is to spend without thinking (then cut back like mad next month when the credit card bill came in). Now, we have a sizeable entertainment budget each month, and planned spending categories for travel/vacation and gifts. This helps us know the money is there to spend, and how much is reasonable if we want to achieve our other goals. In fact, just this past Sunday after taking the boys to an amusement park for the afternoon, hubby asked how the budget was, and did we have the funds to go out for a nice dinner at our favourite restaurant? I knew we had the money, so out we went! The budget / spending plan meant we were free to go enjoy ourselves–no worries, and no future spender’s remorse.
Budgeting for fun–it’s awesome!
September 29, 2009 at 10:58 am
I like to save my money (when I can, stupid no fulltime job). But with saving I make sure that I have set enough aside in my ‘entertainment’ budget to do things. Also maybe 3x during the year I will set aside $100 to spend at the mall.
My thing with people who want to save every little extra penny for ‘the future’ is what happens if you you unexpectedly die young and have spent your life ’saving for the future’/your golden years and haven’t enjoyed yourself. I’m not saying, woo lets all go out and spend all our savings, but more that there should be a healthy balance between saving and spending.
September 29, 2009 at 11:52 am
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September 29, 2009 at 12:07 pm
I think balance is very important. My fiance and I both love to travel so we have a special account just for travelling that we contribute $150 to each month and whenever we come into extra money if there is no credit card debt to apply it to we put split it inbetween regular savings and our travel savings.
To me experiences are far more important than material items. In the last year for presents I have started to giving people gift certificates to “experiences”. I bought a close friend of mine a canoe trip (only $60) where they launch you and pick you up down the river for part of her wedding present and she absolutely loved it.
Sometimes I think my Entertainment budget is a little high ($65/per week) for just the two of us but I think it is important for our relationship that we have fun together. Ever heard the saying, “those who have fun together stay together”?
September 29, 2009 at 12:29 pm
This is timely. I’ve been deliberating over bailing on an annual get together that me and three girlfriends organize. For the last two years it was a weekend getaway but this year, due to limited funds, we have settled on a spa afternoon with a nice dinner afterwards. Even that, I know, will run me about $175 if I do it as cheaply as possible and that has me worried. With the downturn in the economy, my freelance income is taking a hit and $175 for a facial and a fancy dinner just seems way too extravagant. But, I’m wondering if we roll it into the Christmas season and perhaps agree not to buy each other anything this year, I might feel less guilty about spending the money. Still requires some deliberation. I suppose we could do a potluck dinner at one of our places…
Any input would be greatly appreciated. I feel like the Scrooge in the group as I’m the one who originally nixed the usual weekend getaway since that was looking like a $500 overnighter. Ouch! (Whistler is not for me.)
September 29, 2009 at 1:04 pm
For Chris – absolutely talk to your girlfriends about rolling it into the Christmas season. One or two of them may also be feeling the effects of the recession but don’t want to bring it up because as a group, you’ve always done it the weekend and the gift exchange. Maybe a new tradition for your group is to do a spa day and nice dinner at the start of the Christmas season to get you geared up for the upcoming busy time. You can relax, have a few laughs and enjoy yourselves. Set up an ING savings account, give it the nickname “Girls fun day”, and set up a regular monthly transfer at the beginning of the year, and then your money will be there when you want it. Even $20 or $30 a month will give you enough for one spa treatment and a dinner (but not too much wine to go with it!), and it’s not a very painful amount to try to save every month. As Gail has said…planned spending!
A few friends and I have decided that we don’t need “stuff” from each other anymore…whatever we need/want/must have we can buy for ourselves. As lifes gets busier, we don’t have enough time together, so we’re planning to spend that (and a little cash too!). I’m not sure how much it will cost (one idea is a few days in Ottawa in the spring to see the tulips and wander around) but it’s something I will plan to spend for.
September 29, 2009 at 1:19 pm
@ Rebecca
Totally agree with your point re: saving every penny for retirement and then passing away early.. along the same vien I will never forget during my marriage prep course we had a financial planner who spoke to us and told us that saving every penny for retirement thinking you will enjoy it then is futile- his point was that if you have lived the last 25 (or however many) “hoarding” every penny what makes you think that all of a sudden when you hit retirement age you will become a spender? Especially when you have no income to replace the spending?? he said he sees so many people save all their lives to have fun one day and then can’t bring themselves to have fun when the time comes..:) so I guess as with everything it’s about finding a balance…
September 29, 2009 at 2:33 pm
@Chris – my best friends from college and I have been getting together twice a year for 42 years. I am the treasurer of our ‘account’ and money is deposited automatically every month by all. This is for ‘big’ trips. So far we’ve rented a house in France for 15 days, spent a week at a resort in Mexico, a week in Nova Scotia, a week in Washington, a full spa day in Toronto, long weekends at Deerhurst, you get the drift. The big trips are approx. every 5-10 years depending on our schedules or our money situations.
We have often spent a weekend at one or the others home (husbands and kids accomodate us willingly) and it is so relaxing. We all bring food, wine, chick flicks, lots of pictures of family – to catch up on, etc. and it gives us all such a lift till we meet again. It doesn’t cost much and I actually prefer doing this to a weekend in a hotel with meals out.
With my health issues now, travelling is difficult, so don’t know if any more big trips are in the cards. But…as long as we get to spend ‘our’ time together, that’s all that matters to me.
Oh, and by the way….we call ourselves the WALKERS. ‘We All Love Kaluha, Escaping, Relaxing and Shopping’.
Embrace your friends soon!
September 29, 2009 at 3:55 pm
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September 29, 2009 at 4:28 pm
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September 29, 2009 at 4:51 pm
I’m smiling at Catherine’s post, especially the WALKERS part. I’m in a group of wonderful women who walk at the crack of dawn 4-5 days a week, and we have a LOOF fund-Laughing on Our Feet. We used to buy pricey coffee at the end of our walks each day, and then we decided to instead, each deposit $20/week into the LOOF account, and when we have enough, we’ll go experience something fun, like a neat cooking class (if we can’t wait too long) or a week away in a cottage in France or Italy (if we can delay gratifcation for that long!)
September 29, 2009 at 5:32 pm
I think I now apolgise to my son for making him bank half of his birthday money. I’ve seen the light, Gail! LOL No, I wouldn’t make him take half a present back so why do I make him save half that money. Okay .. that has now changed.
September 29, 2009 at 9:50 pm
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September 29, 2009 at 9:52 pm
I think all of us savers need to analyze the guilt that seems to accompany spending money we have earned. It is as if we are not worthy of having a good time or something nice.
We only have one go-around…….
September 29, 2009 at 11:09 pm
So, what does that say about me? When my sisters were attending university, I would give them $1k-$2k each year to go towards tuition. I explained to them if they wanted to have fun, they would need to find jobs and earn money for that fun, like I did while I was in university.
One of them used to pout about it, until I told her I could be like her friend’s sister and give her a sweater or a pair of shoes every birthday and Christmas and save myself a couple of zeros.
September 30, 2009 at 2:05 am
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September 30, 2009 at 2:28 am
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September 30, 2009 at 9:21 am
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September 30, 2009 at 12:56 pm
Thanks ladies for the great feedback. I’m so glad to see that women are connecting with their friends annually, making the time, and putting the savings into the bank to prepare for it so that a good time can be had without too many worries.
September 30, 2009 at 2:20 pm
Sounds like there are a lot of gals getting together! I just got back Monday from my semi-annual girls’ weekend. We normally book a 4-day weekend every spring and fall at Mont Tremblant (Quebec ski resort) during the off season between the skiiing and golfing, when it’s slightly less outrageously expensive. This time we booked the cottage of the friend of one of the girls, but the format is generally the same each time. Condo rental (~$1100 between 8 =~$140ea), $35 each for the groceries, and we each bring a couple of bottles of wine. We eat, drink, laugh and take long walks to wear off the deserts. Except for those who insist on visiting the chocolate shop or shopping at the resort there are no other expenses. A 4-day weekend for under $200 is the best bargain in town and I highly recommend it. As I tell my family as I leave, I can’t miss you if I’m always with you!. By using a friends cottage this time the accommodation was only $60each! Even our already cost effective weekend has gone frugal. This weekend came in under $125 for the four days – amazing!
October 1, 2009 at 2:57 am
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October 23, 2009 at 11:34 am
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March 13, 2010 at 9:27 pm
The funny thing is that my daughter had a short attention span and would quickly forget about the birthday and Christmas money she got and with all the other tangible gifts she received, I always automatically banked most of her checks. You should see how excited she is now though to see her savings account statement of $600 that all those little checks have added up to over her 13 years. Her face is much happier now than I think it would have been for all the small expenditures which she would have long forgotten by now.
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