Sensible Is As Sensible Does
Posted by Gail | Filed under Balance
Sometimes people are surprised when they hear me say, “Go spend some money.” Being the Diva of Debt leaves people with the impression that I hate all kinds of spending. It simply isn’t true. We work hard for our money, and we should find ways to enjoy the fruits of our labour. I only have a problem with people who blow money they haven’t yet earned (spending on credit).
But I’ve also written quite a lot about how to Shop Smart, about Conspicuous Consumption and about Thoil. Some of my friends like to make fun of the fact that I don’t know one type of make-up or shoe label from another. Some people tease me about my cluelessness when it comes to fashion. And some wonder if I ever just blow a bundle.
Once upon a time I was a fashionista. I had a hat and a pair of FM pumps for every $800 suit I owned. I drove a really expensive sports car. I had my hair and my nails done every few weeks. I was a doll, and I dressed myself up and turned myself out. I wanted to leave people with an impression. And I did. I was very successful as a consultant, and my “image” went a long way in convincing others I was very confident. (Ha!)
Then I grew up. When I had my children, everything about me fundamentally changed. Time became more important than money (extra money to buy stuff, that is), and I swapped my fancy-fancy for plain ol’ plain ol’. I learned that I was really smart – so I didn’t have to convince anyone anymore – and I didn’t give a rat’s butt what people thought of my “behaviour.” I howl (like a wolf) when I’m happy. I cry when I’m sad. I spit when I’m pissed.
Thoil became my word of the day. Could I reasonably justify spending that money on whatever it was I was looking at? I moved from defining myself by the stuff I had to figuring out what I really enjoyed, buying that, and keeping the rest of my money where I could use it for good or pleasure later.
Some people call me cheap. Some people think I’m frugal. I think I’m just plain ol’ sensible. It’s dumb to waste money. And it’s dumber to do it because of the “impression” you want people to have of you. If you’re shopping up a storm – whether it’s a big-screen TV or a $1200 handbag – so people will say, “Wow!” you should wonder why they’re not saying “Wow!” just because you’re YOU!
I don’t care what people spend their money on. Really I don’t. If it floats your boat to have a different set of glasses for each outfit you wear, and you’ve paid for them all without using credit, you should have a great time with them. But if you have a different set of glasses because you’re defining yourself by how you look in those glasses, you should ask yourself what else you could be doing with your life (other than shopping) to define who you are.
So often we fall into the trap of not really knowing who we are or what we want. We’re like refugees from an episode of Sex In The City. Gawd. How pathetic. While it may not be as glamorous to live a contented and peaceful life, it’s far more satisfying than aching for all the things we feel we should have, but simply can’t afford. Or worse, refusing to deny ourselves, and racking up thousands of dollars in debt for stupid stuff.
My ex-husband used to quote me a poem:
contentment is for
babies and for cows.
to live life vibrantly is
to dangle securely from
the end of a
frayed string.
Nope, not for me. I value my peace of mind too much. I’ve experienced contentment and it’s a sweet spot. I don’t care who calls me cheap or frugal or whatever else is going. I’m sensible. And I’m happy.
How many of you know someone dangling from a frayed string?
September 18, 2009 at 6:54 am
you are so sensible, Gail. thanks for this blog.
September 18, 2009 at 7:03 am
You Know Gail,
As a regular reader on here I admire the fact that this peice was one of your few more “introspective and personal” peices which adds alot more humanity to your persona, and I think it de-mistifies “Gail Vaz-Oxalde: Finance Extraordinaire” and makes you alot more relate-able for the average person.
I think what most of us admire about you is that you’re STILL a doll — but albeit an intelligent one with a personality and intellect to boot. One that doesn’t need STUFF to define her excellence.
The majority of us have gone through that phase of wanting to define oursleves by our image and materliastic posessions (some never get over it) — but eventually most of us we realize we are NOT our stuff — and you’re right, others tend to COMPLIMENT THE ITEMS we have and NOT US in particular.
I believe people can spend what they earn — bask in the fruits of their labour — but “intelligently” to avoid future suffering and to offset hard times.
Again, I adore the introspection here and would love to see alot more of it.
Take Care,
Adrian.
September 18, 2009 at 7:48 am
I had to google the word “thoil”… hehehe.
I get called “cheap” or “frugal” all the time… now I’m going to use the word “sensible” to describe my financial behaviour… thanks Gail!
And the poem? “To live life vibrantly is to dangle securely from the end of a frayed string”? No wonder he was your EX-husband!
Thanks for the post, Gail!
September 18, 2009 at 7:48 am
^ I’m with Adrian. That was actually a fun read, with a bit of Gail pizazz we all love and admire. There’s only so much blah blah one can read about “fun” stuff like insurance, debt management and so forth – especially when a person sits financially comfortable. Thanks for the post.
September 18, 2009 at 8:10 am
I love reading your blogs, Gail and this one is one of my favourites! I feel the exact same way as you. I do know friends who are constantly buying the bestest and best of stuff because it’s new…. that’s not me. If it works, fits, etc., and ain’t broke, why buy new?? I wonder if buying something is trying to fill an empty void in that person’s life. My hubby was a spender when I first met him, and had lots of debt on credit. But now after 9 years, he understands that life is more about enjoying what you have, instead of constantly having stuff that you don’t need (and the debt is paid off). We are saving up for a trip to Walt Disney World next year – while friends of ours are going in a few weeks. We could go now too – on credit, but I think the trip will feel so much better when we have saved for it, and looked forward to it so much that we will appreciate it that much more! Have a great weekend Gail!
September 18, 2009 at 8:28 am
Your still a doll, and a hot chck!
September 18, 2009 at 9:23 am
I really love these kinds of posts.. I could never understand the allure of the designer names. I just buy whatever clothes that I need at a reasonable price but I always get compliments on what I’m wearing. Funny, I had a teen standing in front of me when I was picking up my child from school jumping up and down all excited asking me if the pants I was wearing were TnA pants (whatever that means) and when I said “no, these were pants that I liked that were $10 her reaction was just “oh, its fake” I then laughed and said to her.. I could have said they were TnA pants and you would have never known the difference. She just stood there all surprised with a light dawning in her eyes that of course, I was right. Unfortunately, her mom standing there didn’t take that opportunity to teach her that a designer name is just that.. you’re paying for the name. So, I did. To me being sensible is really just common sense. Although, common sense doesn’t seem so common anymore lol.
September 18, 2009 at 9:25 am
I have often wanted ‘the look’…the nicer clothes…the fancier coat…the boots….the purses. By the look…I mean the ones the wealthier moms in my area have. Certainly not Chanel or Gucci, but some names on those labels. Two realities hit me though. One…I do not have the body to pull off anything like that. Too big. Two…I simply can not afford it. I choose to put my kids in sports and music and that costs. There is not extra left over and I am grateful I did not go into monstrous debt for it. The longings are still there sometimes though. Absolutely it is an esteem issue.
September 18, 2009 at 9:32 am
Enjoyable blog today, Gail. Thank you for another personal glimpse into what makes you the wonderful person you are.
I have had some financial ups and downs in my life. There were minor rough spots, but things changed for the better, for good, when I met my husband. We had similar goals, and similar ideas. Things have been quite good for the last 10 years. I couldn’t have handled life “dangling securely from the end of a fraying thread.” There is nothing secure about fraying threads. No wonder he became an ex-husband for you.
I don’t think you are cheap. Or frugal. Sensible is the perfect word. I don’t know you personally, but that is what shines through in your work in print, internet, and on television. I’ve seen cheap. I worked with cheap. Wearing 30 year old faded and worn clothes, washing your hair with dish soap, and refusing to spend money on a haircut for over 15 years… that’s cheap. IMO
You ask if we, your readers, know anyone dangling from a frayed string? Oh my… I know of so many! In my own family, inlaws, friends, and their families. What I find interesting is how they are oblivious to how their state of stress, or denial, or behaviour negatively impacts those around them. And how quickly many of them are to ask to financial assistance from those around them who actually are responsible with their money.
September 18, 2009 at 9:47 am
I actually really like the poem. I don’t agree with it from a financial perspective, but I do appreciate it from a “life” perspective. Replace “contentment” with “running water” or “bed sheets” or “travelling without a flak vest” and yes, I do dangle from the end of a frayed string.
There are millions of diplomats, military, and development workers out there in the world, working with populations ignored and forgotten, out on the edge of society, danging securely on the end of that frayed string. And it’s a life for us. A life many of us deliberately seek out. I, for one, couldn’t imagine doing anything else.
September 18, 2009 at 9:48 am
Thanks Gail, loved that post too. Now, I have a question, will you be able to do a blog one of these days, to let us know how GAIL, spends her money? I know that it might be too personal, but at least will put and shed some more light to other moms or dads that might be on your same situation. I am sure you have no debt, but it will be nice to know what our little Doll spends her dollars. I have realized with you Gail that no matter what income do you have (high or low income) people can do great things with their money if they budget and if they save some. Some people might need to save some more months than others, but EVERYONE can do it, and that’s something that I think puts everyone at the same level.
September 18, 2009 at 9:56 am
Dangling from a frayed string would make me sick to my stomach. I much prefer a good sturdy rope, and a cushion underneath just in case!
My friend’s in-laws are very much the opposite–they HAVE to have all the latest gadgets, biggest truck, etc. yet they are begging for money each month to cover the rent that’s overdue, or the $500 power bill that’s about to be cut off. I seriously can’t imagine living like that. Even when I was working 20 hours a week making 5.25/hr I made sure I had savings…much to my friend’s disgust (she didn’t understand why I wouldn’t, at 18 just go out shopping with all my money. Why would you just let it SIT there?)
Thank you for your blog Gail. I love you some days what you write about applies to so much more than just my financial life and goals.
September 18, 2009 at 10:10 am
^ Mellow – I like that. I would prefer to have a sturdy rope and a good cushion underneath as well.
September 18, 2009 at 10:22 am
This post reminds me of my favourite Ziggy cartoon. The caption reads, “Happiness doesn’t depend on how much you have to enjoy, but how much you enjoy what you have.”
Well done, Gail!
September 18, 2009 at 10:26 am
Another Great Blog Gail!!
I have been that person hanging by my fingernails from that frayed string. It is NO way to live.
Going into debt for a want is dumb and I have found that if you wait and wait somemore before you decide to buy, you can usually find a deal. We recently needed to buy a new couch. Ours was truly falling apart. We couldn’t afford what we wanted but it got to the point we would have financed it. (I know, What was I thinking) Last week we were able to get a wonderful secondhand couch for $150. We knew the people so there was no problems. Our ‘new’ couch is by LazyBoy and has the reclining ends like we wanted. For $150 we now have a much better quality couch than we would have bought for a whole lot less money.
Good things do come to those who wait.
September 18, 2009 at 10:26 am
Thanks for a shout out to the sensible side Gail! I’ve been financially sensible for the last eight years and it rocks! I sleep well at night with no debt, a six month emergency fund, and RRSPs. Initially, being sensible wasn’t fun. Paying off debt and maintaining it is hard work.
Now that everthing is paid off and there is a solid financial foundation in place—being sensible is fun!
I watch your show all the time and am so excited for the couples that “get it”! They have bright futures ahead!
September 18, 2009 at 10:37 am
You mean jeans aren’t all the same? ;o)
I’m with you, Gail. I’ll take my Costco special jeans and spend my money on seeing the world. In cash, of course.
September 18, 2009 at 11:00 am
Fashion will come and go.
Authenticity is a constant.
September 18, 2009 at 11:49 am
We are so with you on that. Our family isn’t defined by our stuff – in fact, we pride ourselves on being the ’sleeper’ family on the block!
We can sleep at night, knowing that we don’t have to try to maintain a false image. We see our neighbors constantly ratcheting things up – you can hear it when they talk… they have pressure to say they went somewhere, bought something, want to do something…
Heck, we even bought a house when demand was down due to interest rate increases. It was the cheapest house on the block!
Gail, you don’t have to apologise for being frugal by saying that you are sensible. Frugal used to be the norm, but now it’s coming back into vogue. We certainly aren’t apologetic!
September 18, 2009 at 12:08 pm
the poem describes my ex-mr perfectly.
i’m glad i don’t have to deal with the associated sick feeling in the pit of my (financial) stomach any more.
gail, i look forward to your blog and check in daily…..thanks so much
ps- i want to be you (when i grow up)!. lol
September 18, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Sometimes I feel embarassed by my second-hand fashions and my rusty little car…. then I give myself a little slap and then a pat on the back for being sensible, for not being wasteful, for knowing what is important to ME and sticking with it no matter what the “Joneses” are doing. My family and their security is more important to me than the age of my car! BOTH me and my husband feel more secure knowing there is money set aside for emergencies and money for the innevtablilities (like replacing the rusty car by Spring).
My sister gave me a fantastic compliment once. My sister has STYLE and her home is gloriously well done — not cheap and I always thought she was embarassed by my frugalness (she has pushed me more than once to “just buy it”). But this one time she said that she admires how I can be content with what I have and always wished that she had the patience that I did (referring to the fact that I can wait years to get the perfect table for a cheap price). I was so touched by that.
September 18, 2009 at 12:21 pm
Okay, first you earned my respect, then you said a thousand times over that we are way too materialistic in this society and that the salary of family time has no tax deduction, and I’ve heard it a thousand times over … but it’s only started to sink in recently! Thanks for this blog to reaffirm the lesson. Now, to go clean up that financial mess I made
September 18, 2009 at 12:35 pm
Gail,
The first thing I do when I come to work is sit down with my coffee and read your blog – I love it!
You honestly have changed my life. I went from buying all those clothes, trips, STUFF on credit and wondering why why why aren’t my credit cards getting paid off. I didn’t save because I thought I couldnt afford too. But somehow the money I alloted for credit cards didn’t bring down the debt either.
You have made me realize that no amount of stuff will make me truly content. It’s all the little things that money can’t buy (corny i know) that truly make me happy. It’s the little savings I have now that make me happy AND it’s the fact I have $2000 to go before I am debt-free that makes me INCREDIBLY happy now…..
And it’s all thanks to you! You have truly turned my life around and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Truly,
Tara
September 18, 2009 at 12:37 pm
Sorry for all the TRULY’s in my previous post! (not enough coffee in my system yet… or too much, im not sure)
September 18, 2009 at 1:04 pm
I have to admit that it severely annoyed me when my friends and family started calling me cheap, mean, tight, stingy, and once – miserly. Believe me for that one I was not at all miserly with my words.
I have always loved words. Reading the dictionary is something I do – an eccentricity I got from my Mom. Unfortunately I got her memory too so I keep forgetting all the really good words.
Many times I have looked up a word and been amazed at the fact that I (and lots of others) thought I knew the definition of that word and how to use it but apparently I had been using it slightly or completely incorrectly. Words can not only hurt but the wrong words can cause a lot of misunderstandings and a few big cat fights.
Of course I looked up all the words I have been called and am happy to report that they no longer bother me (much) because I now know the exact meaning and that the people who are using them to describe me as such are using them incorrectly. And are great big poopy heads because I am definitely not:
CHEAP – embarrassingly stingy
STINGY – unwilling to spend
MISERLY -characterized by or indicative of lack of generosity (ditto for MEAN and double ditto for TIGHT).
In fact like Gail and thanks to her, I now live my life SENSIBLY -with good sense and in a reasonable and intelligent manner – and with FRUGALITY- avoiding waste (ditto for ECONOMICALLY). I am also no longer living in DEBT – the state of owing something especially money- and for the first time in my life I can describe myself as being SOLVENT – a liquid substance capable of dissolving other substances. No wait. That’s not right although my husband says that when I get angry my voice can peel paint. The definition continues on the next page of the dictionary. SOLVENT – capable of meeting financial obligations.
I have all these words and their definitions written on a card that I carry in my purse and when someone calls me cheap, mean, tight, stingy or miserly I do not hesitate to pull out that card and point out the error of their ways. Of course not being able to just let it go makes me ANAL – obsessive, compulsive, stubborn, tense, petty and pedantic.
But they started it.
September 18, 2009 at 1:12 pm
When I look at buying something, I look at how many hours I would have to spend at work in order to be able to afford it. I find it hepls me figure out what I value. Is that item important enough that it is really worth those four hours at work? (keep in mind I’m going back to school in the evenings right now in order to find a career I love!)
September 18, 2009 at 1:29 pm
I’m with you Gail. My theory is this – many people think that having money to buy whatever you want is freedom. I think that having the sense to know what you want and not be controlled by stuff is freedom.
Getting out from the burden of being owned by your stuff/slaving away to get more stuff/defining yourself by your stuff is LIBERATING! You can’t buy that. That’s gotta come from the space between your ears.
And this, by the way, is why you are so awesome. I love a sensible woman.
September 18, 2009 at 2:34 pm
Loved your post Gail. Do you think the people calling ‘us’ cheap, stingy and GASP! miserly (Maureen ;o) harken back to their childhood behaviour? The old ’sticks and stones’ rhyme should run through all our heads.
Everyone who posts here has been led by you down a path towards solvency. It may take us a bit of time, but, we’ll all get there. So to you Gail I say a big THANK YOU for being you and don’t let those idiots living in the overly expensive designer glass houses upset you!
Oh…and by the way….I laughed out loud about the shoes. I hadn’t seen that since I read Shelly Winters autobiography and she described Marilyn Monroe’s shoes. Thanks for the giggle ;o)
September 18, 2009 at 3:02 pm
Good Post Gail! Let’s face it, the most superficial way to judge anybody is by what they have, clothes, cars, house….etc. Some egos/self-esteems are fed by having expensive stuff. They love the admiration and attention that is given to them for their stuff. They get addicted to these “highs” to the point that it affects them mentally, emotionally, spiritually and financially. I feel sorry for those people, for the others that use their expensive stuff to look down on others, not so much.
September 18, 2009 at 3:33 pm
A wonderful post. Adrian you are so true with your words. I appreciate this introspectiveness as a calming contrast between the passionate posts and the forward-movement of Gail.
It’s a true blessing to have this small peak into your heart and mind. I know my day isn’t complete without a little Gail reminder that the steps we are collectively taking should include time to reflect, smell the roses and appreciate ourselves. A fantastic post for a Friday!
September 18, 2009 at 6:38 pm
I’ve known enough people who were dangling from frayed strings to know that it’s no fun at all. Being afraid of the phone ringing and getting into panic attacks about the content of your letter box, putting on slightly hysterical “OMG I’m such a REBEL” cheerfulness when blowing next month’s rent money on luxuries — if I ever feel I need an adrenaline kick, I’d rather go bungee jumping. Money troubles is about the least fun way of living dangerously. (Of course, if the problem is on the “in” side of the money equation, not on the “out” one, and all attempts at fixing it fail, glamorising one’s predicament might be the only way one has to retain some dignity.)
Posts like this really help me to remember that I need to strike a balance between wasteful and stingy. I feel good about money not spent, so much that I tend to err on the side of cheapness: cheap clothes unflattering to my body type, third hand IKEA furniture, marked-down fatty convenience food. Making a budget not only reminds me not to spend money, it also reminds me that some money needs to be spend, because between now and retirement is this thing called “a life”.
September 18, 2009 at 7:49 pm
I believe that good things come to he who waits….but it took me a long time to live by this. It is so nice to see a POSITIVE bank balance instead of “we have this much overdraft left until next payday”. We lived like that a long time, but no longer. I take out a certain amount of money per week and that is the only time I use my debit card. I pay cash for almost everything. Online purchases are on credit but I go and pay that amount right away onto my card. Life is grand. I no longer have sleepless nights wondering when that frayed rope will completely unravell and send me plunging into unknown depths.
Clothes and stuff certainly don’t make a person. We make who we are. I always get compliments on my clothes and although my mother says you need new things sometimes, I buy at thrift stores. I even have a friend on the thrift store band wagon and she cannot wait to go shopping with me. She recently lost a whole lot of weight and said she couldn’t afford to spend $500 on clothes every few weeks because she was constantly needing new clothes that fit! I laughed at her and said I spend less than $1000 in a whole year! She said, you always look so nice. I do. But it’s not necessarily how much I paid for something. It’s how well I keep what I have. How I do my hair and how I put my best face forward (with inexpensive makeup). And yes I do buy new…but only if it’s on a clearance rack and I need it.
September 19, 2009 at 4:51 pm
I love it when a post is so intriguing that I have to look up a definition.
One thing’s stopping me from working it into my everyday life — how to say it? Thoil like Toil, like drudgery work? With the ‘th’ like ‘Thomas’? Or thoil like someone with a lisp describing rich dirt?
September 19, 2009 at 9:00 pm
Gail, I love you. This is an amazing post. Especially love this line:
“If you’re shopping up a storm – whether it’s a big-screen TV or a $1200 handbag – so people will say, “Wow!” you should wonder why they’re not saying “Wow!” just because you’re YOU!”
Gail, I would also love to learn more about how you learned everything you know about money. lessons from your parents? Mistakes along the way? I’d love to hear.
Maureen – your writing style is genius. You make me laugh so much!
September 19, 2009 at 9:19 pm
PS Gail – an off-topic question. I recall a few episodes where you offered to give the couples more money if they followed your debt-repayment plan for several months in a row. Did any of the couples ever get the extra money?
September 20, 2009 at 5:12 am
Well yes i have a few friends who are dangling on that frayed string for sure.
My son calls me cheep and laughs at the way our house is decorated he describes the decorating style as “anything that is cheep” but if it works why replace it to keep up with a trend or a look. I call my style country comfort.
Hey we own all you see including the house. Have no credit cards. We have a emergency fund and investments.
And its a darn good thing I am so frugal as hubby has been on a disability pension for 3 years and now I am his full time carer at the age of 45.
So yes life has been a handfull raising 2 children with a limited income but hey I love my house we are very comfortable and isn’t that all that matters.
Take care out there.
September 20, 2009 at 9:00 am
SQ: sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t. the ones who are serious about getting out of a mess and just need more time usually get the money. the people who are just pushing back because they are sure they are right and don’t really want to change don’t often send in their stuff, so they don’t get the money.
BigAssSuperstar: You make me laugh so hard. Since the word seems to be related to the Standard English tolerate, toleration, tolerable, it may in fact be pronounced like “toil”, but I’m not certain. Any Yorkies out there want to add their two bits?
September 20, 2009 at 9:37 am
Thanks for answering my question, Gail!
On a Sunday morning no less! You’re the best.
September 20, 2009 at 2:19 pm
Maureen, your post was excellent and would make a good blog post in itself.
September 20, 2009 at 3:37 pm
One is usually called cheap when she refuses to spend her money the way others would want her to spend it. It’s a control thing.
September 20, 2009 at 5:35 pm
This is off topic, but what have you all done with your 15% once you’re debt free? Gail, what sorts of things do you do with that 15% or recommend that people do?
September 21, 2009 at 3:25 am
The 15% I split it into planned spending and savings.
September 21, 2009 at 5:53 am
Alicia, Sandy does exactly what I recommend. Save half — since you’re already used to living without it — and incorporate the rest back into your budget so you can have some fun and achieve some goals.
September 21, 2009 at 1:06 pm
Hi Saver Queen and Melanie – thanks for the delicious compliments. Quite made my day. However – as for my writing style – I actually just write the way I talk. In fact I am a talker-typer. My lips move at exactly the same speed as my fingers as I type but only the fingers make the spelling mistakes. I think.
As for genius. Thank you! But I read this to my husband and he laughed so hard (how rude) I thought I was going to have to give him oxygen. What can I say. Truth is truth and you know that old saying ” better to be silent and thought a fool than to open ones mouth and remove all doubt”. Well the same applies to writing only with writing you end up with a permanent physical record that can be used in court.
And of course just as soon as you start to feel smug and self satisfied life has a way of returning you to reality.
Last June I bought a walking harness for our foster dog. The Husky lives in our dog pen and basement from September to May while his master is off at university. The walking harness was on sale at a closing out sale and I bought it for my health. Huskies are bred to pull so using a collar and/or choker chain only strangles the dog and rips your arm out of it socket costing hundreds in physiotherapy and not slowing down the dog at all. On the other hand a walking harness seems to distribute the pulling power more evenly. But I ramble.
I did not try the harness on until three weeks ago and to my dismay not only did it not fit but I could not figure out how it worked. Of course the dog thought it was a game and ran all around playing dodge, roll and catch. Stupid beast.
I could not take the harness back to the store which had closed down so I wrote a stern but fair (absolutely genius) letter to the manufacturer telling them exactly what I thought of their product. Got a response on Friday.
Dear Mrs. N: Product number xyz123 is not a dog harness. It is a halter for a horse. Yours sincerely.
Which brings me to another valuable money lesson. If you buy something always make sure it fits or is the right thing right away. If you buy something at a closing out sale they may not just be using this as an advertising ploy but be serious and actually close the store and move away to Victoria, B.C and not answer your phone calls because they have call screening.
I should actually have learned these lessons years ago from things that happened to me and my sister but neither of us was born with much sense or ever learned our lessons. Sis was a great one for buying things on lay-away. Don’t even know if this practice is still in effect with stores because the business world made it even simpler for us to go into debt by allowing us to just put stuff on a credit card and pay the loan shark fees.
For those who are young – lay-away meant you used to be able to buy things that you could not afford simply by putting a down payment on the dress and then paying a little every week until you had paid it all. By then of course the dress was out of fashion or you have gained 20 pounds but at least you had the thrill of the purchase. Lay-away works great unless the store burns down and never re-opens. There was also the risk that you would completely forget about your lay-away after paying off over half and only remember years later after you had moved to another city.
Ditto for sending your antique table to a furniture-finisher who takes your deposit but then goes bankrupt and runs away with his girlfriend – the person who recommended him to you. It takes about a year for the mess to get straightened out and for you to get your table (NOT refinished) back but you never see the money again.
I used to think that we just had a lot of bad luck but then I spoke the daughter of an old work colleague who entered into a pay-ahead funeral deal. So much every month to pay for your wake, coffin, flowers and funeral service. Burial plot separate. Good thing she hasn’t needed to use the deal as the company disappeared. You have to admit that for a funeral home to go bankrupt it must take some really bad financial management. Obviously they did not watch Til Debt.
September 21, 2009 at 6:28 pm
Save, save, save, splurge, save, save, save, splurge…. has become my new life balance recipe and I have to say it’s working beautifully. Since becoming debt free and reducing our regular cost of living to about 50% of our take home we now have the breathing room to do some splurging. Occassionally. The problem is learning to loosen up the purse strings after living so long in obsessed frugal mode. On the one hand we buy used cars (cash), shop secondhand and consignment, rarely eat out and always brown bag it. No cable, no XBox, one Timmies coffee per week. Then on the other hand, we went to to Europe with the kids (14&7) for a month last summer. Mind you it was probably the most cost effective trip ever planned, but we did it. To an outsider who doesn’t see all the tradeoffs, it looked like a wildly expensive luxury. Several times I heard “how did you manage that? or Wow that must have been expensive”. It was tempting to say “if you didn’t have 500 channels, two huge car payments, and eat out 5 times a week, you could have come with us”. But really, as long as they can afford what they’re spending money on (and I don’t know if they can) then it’s all about where your priorities are. They aren’t prepared to give up the daily luxuries for the long term goal, and that’s okay. Just don’t complain about it.
For me it’s all about balance. At this point in my life “stuff” is the least interesting thing I can think of to spend money on. I’d much rather go somewhere, or see or do something. If I have a moment of weakness and consider purchasing something which isn’t a necessity, and isn’t replacing something that’s broken or worn out, all I have to do is mentally convert it into the equivalent in experiences. For example, would I rather have those fabulous Italian shoes or a night in that great little hotel in Venice? That lamp or train fare through the Alps? For me it’s no contest when I visualize any potential purchase as a direct trade off for travel. I went through a phase 15 years ago where I spent a fair bit of money decorating the house right after we built, but that has passed and no longer interests me much now. Maybe I’ll have a relapse when things start to look horribly dated. Like in another 20yrs. I’m not the type to wander the mall aimlessly waiting for something to catch my eye. I go with a list, get what I need and get out. I’ve just taken a look in my closet and can sum up my clothing purchases for the past YEAR as: one Tshirt, one jacket for work, a pashmina (wrap), a bathing suit, a package of sport socks and a bra. Grand total of $125 if I’m going the math right. My husband just bought $400 worth of new work clothes (7 dress shirts, 2 pants, 3 ties) but that’s it for probably 2-3 years. He also hates to shop so he does it all at once and then refuses to go back until things start to look worn. We don’t really budget for clothes. My son is now adult sized so won’t need new snow gear every winter, and my daughter is working her way through all his past snowsuits (I started buying him unisex colours once I knew child 2 was a girl). Most of the kids clothes are received as Christmas and BD gifts, and they spend their own money for any other special or trendy items they want, so except for the occasional pair of sneakers there is no clothing bought on a regular enough basis to warrant a line on the weekly budget. At this point anything not tagged for our retirement fund is going to doing things, not acquiring things. I used to think we would wait and travel when we retired but I’ve now seen several close family members and friends become ill or pass away just when they thought they’d be enjoying their well earned retirement. We’re attempting to find a balance between doing as much travelling as we can now as long as it doesn’t interfere with the retirement savings – after all, we hope we’ll live a good long time, but just in case, we’re not waiting until then to start seeing the world. It’s a wonderful thing to see the world through the eyes of your children. I highly recommend letting your kids take a lot of the vacation pictures – they have an entirely different way of seeing the same place.
September 22, 2009 at 6:02 pm
Great post, as usual. I have to say that reading Gail’s wisdom is kind of like attending AA meetings – they keep you on track. I didn’t start my day without reading Gail’s latest information. Then, with a move, an exchange student from France for a month, and then the next month spent finally unpacking properly, I am just now getting around to catching up. The bad part is that without that daily gentle reminder, it is easy to get sidetracked. The good part is that I have a plan, and with a budget tweaking, will eventually get back on track. This post brings to mind an acquaintance whose string is so frayed I don’t know what will happen to her; she recently reconcilled with her husband, and together they bought her cousin’s monstrosity of a house – something like six or seven bedrooms for a family of five. It sits on a couple of acres, which should be great for her two sons, but they don’t like to play outside, and her daughter is afraid of bugs!! The other day someone asked her what her mortgage payments were – she said $900 and change – every two weeks!!!@!#@! That would take her complete paycheque!! Throw in the newer car she financed, and utilities, her toiletries (high maintenance), hubby’s car payment, and feeding five and I don’t know how she’s holding it together. This is the same person who tells me she doesn’t eat so her kids can, as long as she has her Timmies and smokes, she’s fine!! This is the same person who (during the seperation) was not too embarassed to admit that in the winter she didn’t pay her utilities so her kids could have a good Christmas, or miss every other lease payment on her vehicle so she could pay her rent. First of all, how do people like this qualify for a mortgage of over $220,000?? Second, how can they broadcast the details of how they live, when we all know how much each other makes, which means we know that she is living WAYYY beyond her means. Of course, it is none of my (or anyone else’s) business, but I can’t help but wonder if/how I can help this misguided person to a better path. I have mentioned more than once the show and this website, hoping that she will check them out. As others have said, tho, you can lead a horse to water…..
Maureen, I have missed your witicisms. Happily, I can report that I have taken the bull by the horns and gotten a second part time job to help me get back on track, and eventually – ahead! My mother thinks that I should try to buy the duplex that I rent half of, and use the other half to make the mortgage payments. That might work, if I had a down payment, and a credit rating to qualify. Who knows, maybe I could qualify, but I need my ‘house’ in order before I bite that bullet, just for my own peace of mind. I will have patience and if it is meant to be, it will happen – when I am ready for it. Good to be back under the guidance and support of all Gail’s followers.
September 22, 2009 at 6:07 pm
I should add that the cousin provided the down payment for the house purchase, and only after her family was safely moved to another province did the truth come out about the house – uneven floors, a leaky roof, etc. What is that saying, if it’s too good to be true…? Family is great, but sometimes it is not smart to do ‘business’ with them.
September 23, 2009 at 1:32 pm
Hi Suzanne: Yeah for you! You would be a star on Gail’s show! One of my favourite sayings is “There is nothing as dangerous as a woman with a plan!” and ya know – it is absolutely true. Of course being a slow learner and somewhat planning challenged it has taken me about 30 years too long to learn this.
About buying the duplex. I of course am sticking my nose in and you can be absolutely assured that I know absolutely nothing at all about being a landlord – but I have an opinion nonetheless. Ha!
My opinion has been formed by the experiences of two family friends. One couple bought a second apartment in their condo and despite getting fabulous references every time they NEVER got good tenants. They were either always late with the rent money or destroyed the place beyond what their damage deposit covered.
The other couple bought a four-plex and lived in one unit while renovating the others. They had some nice tenants but as the wife said it was worse than living over the shop. They never had a moments peace. Too close for comfort.
Soooo – my opinion (and this is what I would do) is to not buy the duplex but to keep on with your plan until you are in a really good debt free financial position and have gotten together a down payment. At that point I would start looking for a single house with a little land (so that you could have your horse with you all the time and save on the boarding fees) into which I would move and I would rent out the duplex!
Two things that I have learned through all our mistakes and now through years of fixing things is patience and not to ever stretch ourselves thin again. We will never again do anything that we are not completely financially comfortable with and whatever it is we do we will have a good bit of money behind us before we do it. We will also keep to our budget and not rob Peter to pay Paul. Whatever we do has to fit into the budget without us having to fiddle with it to make it work. I used to be really good at fiddling. And fooling myself.
September 23, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Thanks Maureen, you have addressed many things that I had in the back of my mind. I was present when my previous landlord showed my suite, and talked to the young couple – they promised they were ‘good’ people. Every time I went to check my old mail, the music was blaring, beer bottles in the porch, cigarette butts everywhere, and broken glass in the mail box!!! They even managed to break the iron railing out of the cement step! The landlord got a notice from the city to clean up the place or face a fine and charges on his taxes if they had to clean it up!! Not only did he lose me, a ‘good’ tenant in my mind, but the hardworking, quiet young man on the second floor moved out because he couldn’t stand the noise. So, I hear you on finding responsible tenants. Not to mention damages, or natural occurances, like a water heater exploding, etc. I still, someday, want to pack up and hit the road up north to work just because that is something I have always wanted to do. For now, I do intend to stay here long enough to sew up all my excess fabric, clean up/sell all my excess ’stuff’, eliminate my old debts, and build up a hefty bank account. I am not much of a musician, but I used to be one heck of a distance runner – after a few miles, one foot in front of the other is about the only way to keep going. Thanks for your advice.
September 23, 2009 at 3:30 pm
Hi Suzanne – I’m in the Yukon and although I arrived kicking and screaming and vowing to stay only a year it is 10 years now and I don’t think I could live anywhere else anymore.
Lots of musicians (good and not so good but with lots of heart) and even a recording studio up here. Dawson music festival has become a must see and do thing. Also lots of quilters and other artisans and long distance runners. My neighbours do the Skagway marathon every year – at night through the mountains but then again it is bright daylight until after midnight and the pilot cars tend to scare off most of the grizzlies. I once ran long distance. Made it almost all the way around the block chasing the dog. Stupid beast eventually took pity on me and came back and let me catch him.
We are a true wilderness city but have every modern convenience. Good jobs here – but you have to have the required skills and education. Don’t move without a job in other words. Lots of seasonal work but not well paid. Housing is still very reasonable compared to other places. Property tax and car insurance are ridiculously low compared to the rest of Canada and of course we get the northern tax allowance which is almost $6000 now. The price of food, gas and other goods are very much the same as they are in B.C. – I compare regularly with my friend in Victoria.
My sister is in some and heading for more deep financial doo-doo so I have been thinking a lot lately about how much our lives have changed since we got serious about clearing our debts and budgeting. Gail really has no idea just how much her little show has changed the world – ours anyways.
Not having debts and having some savings and following a budget has given us so much happiness, security and peace that it is almost impossible to describe. When I think back to the stress we lived with I cannot believe we survived without a stroke or two. Hang in there and just keep to your plan and be that long distance payer – one dollar at a time – and you will get there before you know it.
By the way I enjoyed your conversation with your manager but she had better have been joking or else she is an ass-terix and never burned her bra! As for your friend who used the hydro money for Christmas – I am amazed that she would put her kids at risk. But then of course you have to understand the risk and face reality and most of us who have been careless or foolish with or unaware of our financial situation have never wanted to understand that risk. And change is hard. I cannot believe at how few people that we know really know how much their real life costs. Of course I was one of them so I shouldn’t be amazed but now that I am a reformed character I am. Obviously this makes me smug and annoying.
October 6, 2009 at 3:57 pm
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