Money Matches — Part 4: Protecting Yourself
Posted by Gail | Filed under Money & Family, Relationships
Sometimes people end up in relationships where they are very badly matched when it comes to the money. You’re a saver. Your partner is a spender. You think about the future. Your partner lives for today. You’re conservative. Your partner likes to take risks.
If you’re counting on your buddy to do the things you need to keep your financial boat afloat and (s)he doesn’t, you may have to accept that you’re in this ship alone. If you love your mate, that may mean accepting them for who they are and getting on with the business of life. And if you have children, it may mean putting up a protective wall around yourself and your kids to make sure you are safe.
I’ve received hundreds of letters from people who are unhappy with their mates’ behaviour when it comes to the money. They feel at risk. They feel out of control. And they are stressed, sad, worried, depressed, and don’t know what to do next.
If you are living with a partner who is irresponsible with money, you have three choices:
- you can stay, living life on the rollercoaster and hoping for the best,
- you can leave, up-rooting everyone and bearing the cost of the breakup both financially and emotionally – so you better be dead sure this is the right step, or
- you can accept that you can’t change your mate, stop your whining, and create a protective wall that isolates your partner’s aberrant behaviour and keeps your family safe.
Whether your partner gambles, drinks, does drugs, uses credit like it’s never going to run out, likes to change his/her vehicle every six months, or can’t walk past a store without dropping a bundle, if you’ve begged, pleaded, cried, threatened, and even tried to walk away, maybe it’s time to accept that this is who your partner is. If you can’t live with it, you know what you must do. If you can’t live without it, but don’t want his or her storms to sink your ship, take these steps:
1. Make sure you are not on the hook for any of his borrowing. That means no joint credit (which I disagree with anyway). No co-signing. No sharing of credit cards or bank accounts (keep your cards and your PINs to yourself) especially where overdraft protection may leave you on the hook.
2. If you own a home together, accept that your home may not be around forever. Any joint assets will be at risk since if your partner ends up in bankruptcy, those assets will be part of the proceedings. The only way to avoid this is if your partner’s name is not on title. If it is, paying down your mortgage may be an exercise in frustration since whatever assets you build up may be affected by your partner’s wanton spending and rampant debt.
3. Keep all the important “must-pay” bills in your name. Put all extraneous bills – cable, telephone, sports fees, etc. – in your partner’s name. If your buddy blows at getting the bills paid on time, you don’t want it to affect the really important things or your credit history.
4. Make sure you have a big fat emergency fund. While the general rule of thumb is six months’ worth of essential expenses, if you’re married to a financial moron, you’ll need to have 9 months’ to a year’s worth of expenses socked away. Your partner is an emergency waiting to happen. Be prepared.
5. Save/invest separately. Ha! Who are we kidding? Your partner isn’t saving. Just make sure she doesn’t know where the money is or has any access to it. It doesn’t exist as far as she’s concerned.
6. Come up with a plan for the expenses. He has to give you a specific amount every week to meet the family’s needs. If he doesn’t then you’re stuck with a free-loader and should reconsider your options. If he does, that money goes into an account that you use to make sure the essential bills are paid. The other stuff he can pay from his own account. Yup, you’ve got separate accounts!
7. Keep your hand out of your pocket. This is the toughest thing you’ll have to do. You cannot save your partner. You should not attempt to rescue her when the tears start. It’s part of the condition. You have to grit your teeth and NOT bite the hook. If you fail at this part, you’ll failed altogether!
This isn’t about punishing your partner it’s about protecting yourself. And if you have children, they need your protection. Just because one member of your team can’t see beyond his or her own nose doesn’t mean the whole family should suffer. If you’ve got a partner who just doesn’t get it, you’ve got a rough road to walk, and I send you many hugs.
No doubt I’m going to get a LOT of comments on this post. And some of you will have questions. I’m going to check in and answer them as often as I can over the day.
September 17, 2009 at 7:00 am
A-men! Excellent post Gail. My husband and I have had separate bank accounts since we met. We own the house together, had a joint loan together, but everything else is completely separate. His credit cards are his, mine are mine, same with banking. We’ve split the bills by income percentage, so we’re both happy with that. Now that he wants to finish the basement, but knows I’m still paying off braces and some furniture and a vehicle loan, I told him I wasn’t ready to take that on financially because I’m tapped out in the extra cash department. So his only option is to pay for it himself, not the line of credit.
I know people will say that home improvements should be a joint effort, and most of the time I will agree, as we have done in our previous home. But this time around he’s got the itch to spend and I just can’t, so this is how it has to work. He’s not complaining and has his next project du jour, I am paying down “my” debt quickly, and in a year when we’re ready for basement carpets, that’ll be my ‘gift’ to him, so to speak. I save for the kids educations, put more than enough in RRSP’s so that when ‘we’ retire we should have enough with his extremely minimal contributions and my maxed out ones. So, you see, his investment in the house by finishing the basement helps now and when/if we sell the home, and my frugality to save for retirement will help us then. It’s all fair and in 15 years it ain’t broke, so we ain’t fixin’ it.
September 17, 2009 at 7:03 am
I’ll be quite blunt about this
From what I have observed over the years lots of the savers and careful money managers in the relationship die first.
The remaining spouse, the spender and spendthrift is left to ironically spend all the money their saving mate left.
Also if the saver partner outlives their mate they can wind up hooking up with a new partner(usually forming a relationship to soon after the spouses death) who’ll deplete the assets quicker than you would believe.
Yes it doesn’t always happen but seen that a bit to.
September 17, 2009 at 7:07 am
Thats the smart way Michelle
Your love isn’t blind.
September 17, 2009 at 7:58 am
I remember when my mother found out a year after my father took a byout from work, that he had ran up a line of credit to $20,000 gambling. She thought she was protected from him because she had a seperate bank account, but because she had co-signed for a loan on a trailer that was paid off, and the house that was mortgage free…she was on the hook to paying off his line of credit or she would lose both. They put a lian on the house.
Our standard of living went downhill, now my mother was paying back the loan, paying all the bills, and trying to keep our family afloat. She always said that she wouldn’t take away our competitive sports from us because of what he did….but it’s hard to play sports without eating a decent meal.
My father refused to get a job and after 22 years still has refused. It wasn’t like he was a stay at home dad who did all the housekeeping and food prep..he did nothing!! Still to this day I have no idea why she hasn’t left him, the fighting about money was so insane. I actually moved out at 17 because I couldn’t deal with them!
As much as I love my husband, I admit to being a snoop. I want to know what all the account numbers are, open all the finacial mail even if it’s addressed to him, it’s not that I after what happen, I don’t want it to happen again
September 17, 2009 at 8:21 am
Gail this series has been a great tool and really helped me understand what happened with my parents. Oh believe me if you speak to my father it was my mother’s controlling ways that sent him to another woman, but at 15 I knew the truth. This is the reason that my partner and I discuss everything to do with money. It drives me bonkers when he comes home and says I went to the Electronics store and saw that the TV prices are dropping like bricks and we can now get a 53 or 60 inch for a reasonably price. Most of hte time he knows this will press the “turrets-like”button I have and send me ticking and spewing random things until I leave and go for a walk. luckily he understands that a purchase like that is a deal breaker for me. He comes home with the TV and I leave. done and done.
I’m lucky in that in the same breath he’ll joke with me about this (I hope it’s all joking) he’ll also ask how my debt repayment is coming along and talk to me about the fact that his debt payment has come out for the month, and this payment and that payment have cleared his account and he still has blank in the bank for the rest of his budget. We are getting very good and making it part of our daily and weekly tell-me-about-your-day time. And on weekends we sit down with my trusty laptop and go through the numbers from our budgets to see how we are doing and where we are with things.
Right now we are splitting rent 50/50; he pays for tenant insurance, which also has my name so I ant to know the exact minute it clears his account, his child support payments are coming out, and he handles more of he food bills and entertainment because it means more to him. In exchange I cover the entire cable/internet/phone bundle because a late payment anywhere makes me tick and spew randomness. I love your posts on this – I’ve printed them out for my partner to read as part of our on going discussions on money and life. It is nice to have someone I can talk openly about this with and that understands that this is a major issue for me in our relationship.
Thanks again for doing this series. I think it will help many a reader out there by giving them someplace to start the conversation, or at least be able to say to their partner, please read these, I’d like to discuss some points in there with you and get your opinion on the topic.
September 17, 2009 at 9:19 am
Wow! Am I ever glad that my husband and I are on the same page financially. We’re both frugal/savers and have the same goals in our finances. Thanks for this series… very imformative.
September 17, 2009 at 9:29 am
When I got married we joined our accounts, and assets (which weren’t small as we got married in our early thirties). It didn’t (and still doesnt’) occur to me that I have my money and my husband has his – we share all of our assets & liabilities. Splitting the ‘rent’ sounds like something I would do with a roomate. Is this just naive?
September 17, 2009 at 10:11 am
My question is to Erin/Gail or anyone else that might know the answer;
Once the co-signed item(s) is paid off is that loan not discharged, therefore removing any further reponsbility? How can you be further responsible for items that are not co-signed because of a previously co-signed item? Unless he used the item that was paid in full as collateral? Would that then put the co-signed parties back into the mix of responsiblity even for a single individuals credit/debt?
September 17, 2009 at 10:17 am
Kerry,
If you and your husband are on the same page great. If not, please don’t let yourself get hurt financially. Believe me, starting over with kids in tow isn’t easy in your 40’s. Make darn sure you have your own credit history still. I know I didn’t, and it hurt me. Even if everything is great in your relationship what if something happens to him? Do you know how aggravating it is to try and talk to any utility/cable/phone/mortgage/post office, if your name isn’t on something? You are already in an emergency situation and they are politely telling you that since your husband’s name is the only one on the account, they aren’t allowed to speak to you, or make any changes. Joint usually isn’t joint either, there is a primary holder of cards, and usually that means you don’t have your own credit. It isn’t being unfaithful, or distrusting of your spouse, it is protecting yourself in case of emergency. How would he feel if he was in the hospital and you needed to deal with all of this?
September 17, 2009 at 10:22 am
Oh I agree, I think you WILL get lots of comments – love, work, finances – without them we’d be happy cows munching away on grass.
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5. Save/invest separately. Ha! Who are we kidding? Your partner isn’t saving. Just make sure she doesn’t know where the money is or has any access to it. It doesn’t exist as far as she’s concerned.
———–
While I agree with you, I would almost liken this right up there with cheating. If you need to hide something (i.e. money, a lover) to achieve happiness/stability, then it’s probably time to evaluate option #2 quite seriously – i.e. pull the bandage and leave.
September 17, 2009 at 10:28 am
^^ wow Erin, those are some tough personal issues you have to address. A childhood like that can leave some lengthy scars that affect other parts of your life. Been there, done that.
September 17, 2009 at 10:34 am
Well said Lisa! That is exactly why my husband and I have separate accounts and separate credit cards. Everything is great right now but who knows what will happen 10 years from now. Before we were married we were friends with a couple who argued over the littlest money issue. She would yell at him for going to McDonald’s for lunch because she brought lunch to work and didn’t spend any money. Right then, we decided that separate accounts were for us! We split everything 50/50 and I don’t feel as if we are roommates. We both have different interests and having separate accounts helps. Once the bills/rrsp/emerg fund are paid our money is ours to use as we please. He can buy another guitar if he wants and I can go for a pedicure without feeling guilty.
September 17, 2009 at 11:28 am
Kerry
Im with you, My husband and I have been married for almost 3 and a half years now. We each have our own credit card, my name is on his credit cards records but just so i can talk to the creditor. We have a joint account.
I do have abuisness account thats seperate and thats pretty much it.
My husband makes good enough money that I am able to stay home with the boys and not have to take a full time or part time job. I do have a stay at home buisness that recently I haven’t been doing much with just because of life.
My husband makes enough money for us to pay the bills and work on paying down our credit faster.
He just needs to take an over time shift once and a while so we can have his credit card paid off within a year.
Yes my husband is the one who brings 98% of the money in and we are in agreement that its the best thing for our family that I stay home with our boys.
I do occasionally wish that I had a part time job to bring in more money but i wouldn’t sacrifice the time with my boys unless it was absolutely neccessary.
We have a plan and it works for us. I talked with my husband just the other day if it botherd him that all his money was going towards our bills, debts and savings. He said no because he has a job that we can afford to do it and it would be different if we were in a much harder place financially.
He is just a little old fashioned that he likes to be the provider for our family. Not that he is opposed to me working or anything like that. For us when it comes to life its family first and as much as we would like to pay our debt off as fast as possible we don’t think its worth paying someone to watch our kids if the situation is not dire.
I guess its all about perspective though isn’t it what does one consider dire?
September 17, 2009 at 1:04 pm
I have a question for those of you that split bills… how do you do that when someone is on maternity leave and is making a significantly reduced income?
September 17, 2009 at 1:18 pm
We’re not a perfect money match, but we both work hard at making things work. What’s struck us about these posts is the need to protect each other – making sure that we both have enough insurance, etc. Recently we discovered that when holding joint financial things, the first name on the documents is the one who gets the credit rating! This shocked us! We assumed that joint meant joint. So now we need to change some of our credit so that my name is first and I get some credit ratings (I pay for the bills too, so I should get some of the benefits too).
The other thing that we’ve done to protect each other is to set up auto online payments for everything. This way nothing gets missed, no one can blame the other for ‘forgetting’ to pay. It’s made life, so, so much better!
September 17, 2009 at 1:48 pm
LeeAnn – though personally my wife and I do the classic joint accounts, I think the way to split bills is not do 50/50 but do as percentage of income. For instance, if you provide 10% of the family income, you pay 10% of the common bills.
One way that we’ve gotten around the whole credit thing is we split stuff. For instance, the mortgage is in our name but the title is solely in my wife’s name (as I want to run my own business in the future and she doesn’t) and the main credit cards and line of credit are in mine. However, she has a personal credit card for her history too so we’re both maintaining a credit history. Also her car loan was in her name so she has history there too.
September 17, 2009 at 2:03 pm
@Geoff
I’m curious about something you said… what does owning a business have to do with the title of your home? I have my own business and our home is in both mine and my husband’s name. Meaning no disrespect here. Just wondering if I’m missing something…
September 17, 2009 at 2:13 pm
Joanne, it wasn’t the co-signed loan that put the assets Erin is talking about at risk, it is the fact that those assets were held jointly. Joint assets can be “attached” if a lender is determined to collect outstanding amounts. As I mentioned above, any joint assets can be affected. So the fact that the home/trailer could be affected, and she didn’t want to lose either, put her in the position of having to repay the debt he had run up.
September 17, 2009 at 2:45 pm
Thanks Gail for clarifying. My FIL co-signed a loan for DH and his biz years ago but his name is not part of the/any assets so I just wanted to make sure he wasn’t still connected in some way.
Didi; if you are self employed you are at risk with your assests in a similiar situation as Erin/Gail mentioned above and that could include your house. My DH is self employed and we are looking at removing his name from the title to help protect our family (he is in transportation and in the event of an accident could be sued – we are currently also looking into Inc’ing his company to help further protect our family).
September 17, 2009 at 3:23 pm
oh now I see.. thank you Joanne. My business has always been incorporated so my assets are protected. I was advised to do this from the beginning from my accountant and now its makes more sense why she advised that. ok, sorry for going off topic here.
September 17, 2009 at 3:41 pm
Hi everyone. Great post. I was wondering what your thoughts were on couples living together but not married. Should we have separate bank accounts? My boyfriend and I lived together and we split the bills 50/50. I mostly paid the bills and he would transfer the money from his bank account into my account.
Now, we are planning on living together again and I am thinking about getting a joint bank account so that it is more of a mutual thing than him paying me. To me, it would make sense for both of us to transfer XX amount of money each month into the joint account and have the bills deducted. Whatever is left in our individual accounts would be ours to do as we please…
September 17, 2009 at 5:07 pm
Car, personally I think married or not married is less relevant than the confidence of joining finances.
Didi, the explanation on separate title is exactly right. In my case however this is just something I want to do, at some point, so didn’t want to go to the expense. As the matrimonial home, it doesn’t matter that I’m not on title if my wife and I were to split up too if anyone is wondering, it would still be split 50/50. g
September 17, 2009 at 5:08 pm
go to the expense of incorporating a business that may or may not happen, is what I mean to write. Gail — can you get your webmistress to add an edit comment feature, and number comments? That might make it easier to go through comments.
September 17, 2009 at 5:57 pm
When my husband and I first married, we had a joint account. All income went into the joint account, all expenses (and savings, RRSPs, debt repayment…) came out of the joint account. Each of us was transferred an specified amount into our own personal accounts, to do with as we pleased. (like an allowance of sorts).
About a year into our marriage we realized that I am a saver and he is a spender. We were often fighting about how much to pay to debt, how much to save, he wanted to buy this, and I wanted to save for that. We have now gone back to separate bank accounts. As our income is very similar, we have split all the bills 50/50 and came to an agreed amount to pay towards debt each month. Whatever money is remaining belongs to the person who earned it, to do with whatever he or she chooses. I tend to transfer my after expenses money to RSP and Savings, with a little left over for life, and he tends to spend most of his money on everything under the sun, with just a little left over for savings and RSPs.
It’s not exactly how I hoped things would work for us financially, but it works for us right now. Once our joint debt is paid in full, I sure hope he finds the space in his budget to ramp up the savings so I’m not stuck paying for our retirement!
September 17, 2009 at 7:55 pm
I must be really old fashion for a 33 yr old male. My thoughts when I got married was that we would live our lives 100% for each other and all household responsibilities would be 50/50. Needless to say, it does work when communication and trust is present within a relationship.
If you have to go to the extent of hiding accounts from your spouse or getting ticked off because you contribute 60% to the household and the other 40%, all I have to say is WOW.
It’s definitely true when they say if there’s a problem with one of these three things within a relationship divorce is around the corner – sex, communication or money. It seems like communication lacks in most relationships, maybe we should text or post what we have to say on a facebook wall instead of confronting the person one on one.
If money is a problem in a relationship, there are many other deeper problems that are being ignored, try talking.
September 17, 2009 at 9:12 pm
[...] Gail is tackling the difficult topic of love and money in a series of posts. In the latest instalment, she suggests ways for one spouse to protect herself (or himself) from the money problems of the othe…. [...]
September 17, 2009 at 9:49 pm
Just because you have a separate savings account, doesn’t mean it has to be a secret, or a “cheat”. My husband is the Big picture, don’t worry about it spender – he knows our assets (land) far outweigh our debts, so doesn’t even consider the day to day balance of income and outgo, and has never contemplated the word budget. I do the bill paying, detail stuff, and at times (his work is seasonal) didn’t sleep wondering how I was going to pay something. I found Gail and the whole PF community a little over a year ago, and the first thing I did was to open an on-line savings account. It’s my “little red sports car” and there when I need it. My husband knows I have it, but doesn’t know my balance or have access. But I know I have a stash of cash. I can’t change him, but I can change myself, and my habits. And after nearly 30 years, I am not going to throw him out over money styles.
September 18, 2009 at 1:48 am
Money Coach ur not as old fashion as it sounds these days. I have no kids but rely on his income to support me.. I have a pt job ( he doesn’t do shores around the house of what I hear when women work ft) but it goes for the extra things and vacation.. I know alot of ppl that live on one income with lots of kids in tow and some how they do it!
I have my separate saving account since his a spender. He doesn’t know the total either and when I let him know he wants to spend it… When we first got married about seven yrs ago. We had our own bank for about a yr to see which bank was better. Now we have one chequing account which we share and now since last Dec. (Followed the jars idea) we take out cash While bank pays the bills, We have used the overly last few yrs only few times around Christmas which I would quickly put cash in next day. Since I hate paying interest…
I let him pay for the cc debt since I’m not the one that over spent on it.. When I have to give him the cc to pay for parking, he always buys wants… Which he will always be a spender… and I be more the saver… Life is just going to be like that! If we all the same life would not be interesting!!
September 19, 2009 at 12:51 pm
Hi All,
I just finished watching episode 92 online and I can see where Gail got her inspiration on writing this blog. I was saddened to see Julia in a situation in her life with a man that doesn’t appear to value her opinion whatsoever on compromising between short term social life spending and longer term savings..both can be achieved with a little forethought and planning. By the end of the episode I was reflecting on my own situation, thinking how lucky I am to have such a supportive partner, and where both of us are on the same page as to how, where and when we will spend our money. We have most things joint and we each get an ‘allowance’ a week to spend on whatever takes our fancy…it works for us.
It would be a really interesting series for Gail to do a ‘where are they now’ episode for some of the more ‘contentious’ couples who originally came on the show. I would love to know what happened to the Grandparents and their grand daughter, and also whether Julia and Guy were able to work things out!
Thanks again for the show Gail – it is a bright spot for me each week.
September 19, 2009 at 9:17 pm
Couples that have this type of divergent philosophy on money should not marry. It should have been fleshed out on marriage counselling or perhaps by observing the pattern while dating.
Remember… you can’t expect to change someone’s behavior after you are married, so what you see during your courtship will eventually carry through.
Beware – money does cause significant tension in most families. We’ve adopted a full-disclosure full-discussion philosophy at our house. We have joint everything. Anything over $50 should be discussed. We don’t do anything big unless we put it away and think about it.
We’re both savers, and it helps!!
September 20, 2009 at 8:52 pm
I just posted a comment on Gail’s website; having just viewed episode 92 on line, I’m happy to now know what Gail meant by creating a firewall of protection for Julia. I suspect that this marriage won’t last. Money will probably be the catalyst for a divorce but I suspect someone like Guy has issues in all aspects of life. If he’s out everynight with the boys because he feels he’s entitled to this, what kind of parent could he be, let alone spouse. If he thinks it’s OK to mortgage his and his family’s future in order to gamble, we’re talking addicition and irrational thoughts. I love this show because Gail is great at cutting to the chase – money problems are a symptom of bigger things. Guy will never change-his troubles will always be someone else’s fault.
October 7, 2009 at 6:46 am
[...] sure part of his contribution includes money towards this goal. You should also read the blog on protecting yourself. D [...]
October 7, 2009 at 5:39 pm
Thank you so much for this! This is the type of post I was looking for. Hubby and I have never fought much about money–unless I wanted to explain our situation to him. He flat out doesn’t want to know or just says if the bills are paid the rest doesn’t matter.
We don’t have a lot of things joint but it doesn’t seem to matter much since the local stores will sell him his beer using the Visa that’s always been in *my* name only. I don’t think they even check to see if he’s related, they just take it. He’s the only one with a paycheck right now since I watch our toddler. I do plan to get a job when our tot starts school.
Right now I put half of my disability check into my retirement account. I don’t have my own savings account. Our checking, savings, and EM fund are all joint, though the EM has no debit card. So based on this article, you’re saying I should open a different EM fund somewhere he has no access? The bank I’m at right now seems to tie together all accounts. So if I opened one in my name only if any account there with my name attached to it was overdrawn, they could still pull from the EM fund without asking to cover it.
My only qualm about not having his name on the big savings account is what if something happens to ME, not him?
So, my plan is to start sending a little to my old, pre-marriage savings account that’s out of state.
And to pay down the credit card that’s in my name only even though the other store cards we have are joint. We’re purchasing a house and I found out that because of that card, which is maxed, my credit rating is lower than his. It just didn’t seem fair. But I’m bucking up and going to change that now.
Thanks, Gail!
November 7, 2009 at 4:51 pm
I’ve enjoyed reading some of the great comments!
The lines are not so easily drawn in the sand. I have my own credit card and savings accounts. I have even saved money for my kids education, AND the family house in is my name. But when the family company needs money….. all of those “safety nest eggs” are soon drawn dry…. “for the sake of the family business.” Even my own line of credit, credit cards have been drawn on for “sake of the business.” When company employees need to be paid and there is little money in the bank… I find myself drawing from the nest eggs to cover the shortfalls. I work for our company as the controller, bookkeeper but when my husband insists he needs to buy a new piece of machinery or makes a business decision that isn’t always sound…. my power is minimal.
When you mix love, finances and business, the areas can gray very quickly. I do feel comfortable as I have company & personal insurance policies on my husband in amounts that I feel would cover any liability he incurs from his risky business. I’m just not sure of the legalities when both spouses work for the family business – *I have signing authority & often sign cheques*. I am also considering drawing up a contract for my husband to sign for incidences when he makes risky business decisions. The contract will state that he can assume all associated liabilities…and benefit entirely if it succeeds. That way I feel more powerful to step back when our opinions collide and feel comfortable that my kids & I are secured financially.
January 7, 2010 at 5:07 am
[...] The first step is to protect yourself (and your children). That means a) building a wall around your finances to keep the aberrant behaviour of your partner from affect your family’s stability. So no joint anything. If your partner is responsible for paying bills, it must be the bills that will have no real downside if they go unpaid, so it can’t be things like the mortgage. Let him pay the utilities and the extras, and make sure those bills are in his name. Or let her pony up the money for food, so that if there is no money, the impact is immediately apparent. Make sure your credit is separate: no joint credit, no co-signing. Make sure your savings are separate. And make sure you’re doing whatever you have to in order to become financially independent. (If you want more about this, go read Protecting Yourself.) [...]
February 7, 2010 at 6:06 am
Hello,
I’m wondering what would/could happen if the spouse with debt dies or we get divorced before we can pay off the 2 things I have my name on.( 1 joint account and a secondary card holder in his name)
What I’m wondering is do I automatically become responsible for everything else just because we have a joint account?
FYI- We do not have any assets -unfortunately
April 6, 2010 at 8:44 pm
Hello, and I must admit this post is a real eye opener, as I am currently in a relationship over the last 6 years and we are constantly fighting over money, he is unemployed and so am I but I am on ODSP, and he expects to keep on borrowing from me, he has amassed an amount which is so depressing to me, and every time , I keep telling him, to stop increasing the amount he owes me, and start decreasing it, he spends money on cab rides, mcdonalds,cigarettes, but never hardly ever bringing anything to my house for me, he tells me he does not enjoy the fact he has to keep borrowing from me, but it keeps happening, I wish to be able to open a savings account for myself and in the event of becoming married, I wish to keep this private as he never seems to want/or be able to save any money,
any suggestions would be very greatly appreciated
Cheers:)