There’s No Magic in Money Management
Posted by Gail | Filed under Life Lessons, Thinking Out Loud
I get a lot of letters every week. A LOT of letters. And so many of them are absolutely desperate. Many of the questions that I do not answer are questions to which I simply do not have an answer. Here’s an example of what I mean:
Dear Gail, I’m in serious trouble. Last year I was working around 55 hrs per week and accumulated a truck load of debt. At the time I wasn’t concerned because I was covering payments with no problem now I’m working 36 hrs/week and I am heading to bankruptcy faster than the speed of light. I have bill collectors calling weekly and I’m stressed beyond belief. I have an 18 & 15 year old who are dependent on me and I just don’t know where to start or how to get out of this mess. Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated because I’m at my wits end!!!
If you’re working flat out and you still can’t live on what you’re making that should be your first clue that there is something seriously wrong with your spending. Com’on. How do you ever expect to pay off “a truck-load of debt” if you can’t live within your means when you’re making good money? And what makes you think that things will always be as they are? If you’re at the top of your game income-wise, the only place to go is down. And you better be ready for it. People who are earning big bucks should be socking away big bucks for when the cycle shifts.
Then there are the people who choose to ignore their problems.
My main concern is that I’ve had a wireless bill in collections of almost $4400 for almost 6 years now. I thought about paying it off but I’m thinking it’s going to fall of soon anyway. I later understood that it might not and now I’m confused.
Now that this chick isn’t so sure the debt is just going to magically vanish, she wants me to tell her what to do. Why do people think that if they just pretend there’s nothing wrong their issues will go away? If you have a dispute with a service provider, as this woman does, ignoring it for six years doesn’t exactly put you in a position to dispute the charges at some point down the road. Nobody’s listening anymore. The company is just going to do whatever it has to so that it gets its money. And if you don’t work out something with the company, they will tell all their friends, who will tell all their friends (and by that I mean your credit history will suck) and you’ll find your ability to borrow at anything but the most exorbitant rates extremely hampered. Ignoring a problem won’t ever make it go away. And hoping the system will work in your favour — that the debt will just disappear and you won’t ever have to deal with it — is downright delusional.
And the people who claim to not want to upset their partners. And partners who let themselves be deluded.
After 10 long years of financial problems, including joint bankruptcies that cleared 2 years ago, my husband’s failed business and 3 separate marriage counselors, I am desperately trying to keep my family together and not resent my husband. My husband has finally decided to close his business and has recently started a full time job but he has some business debt to clear up. He is hesitant to share information about certain things in regards to his self employment and just today We received a letter in the mail notifying us of a Personal Property Lien from the Ministry of Revenue. My husband has kept certain things from me in the past because he didn’t want to upset me.
OMG! Here are a couple of people who have been playing a game with each other. He wants to protect her… really? She needs protection from his irresponsible behaviour, not from the truth. And she has let herself stay in the dark because, no doubt, it was easier that making him fess up. I have a name for people like this: Mushroom Princesses: in the dark and up to their armpits in crap! When you are dependant on another person’s income, you are at huge risk, so it behooves you to know what the frick is going on. And if that person isn’t prepared to be completely open about where the money is coming from and going, then you’re a dope to stay dependant. At some point you need to wake up and smell the danger lurking. If you don’t you are colluding with your partner to remain ignorant.
I received these three letters on the same evening, so I haven’t pieced them together from the week’s mailbag.
I want to help as many people as I can. Really I do. But when people are completely unwilling to take control of their own lives and do the simple but hard things necessary to make their lives better, I have no magic wand I can wave to make the uglies go away.
I actually had a woman write a huge sad story to me recently, which she ended with, “Gail, work your magic.”
I’ve said before: sound money management isn’t rocket science. Well, it isn’t magic either. It’s discipline.
Many of the people who write to me have seen the error of their ways and want me to help tweak their plan. They have clear questions to which they need answers so they can choose a path that will work for them. They want to make an informed decision. And I can help those people. For the folks who are looking for magic, I’m sorry, there isn’t any.
Money is a tool. Use it wisely and you can have everything you want. Misuse it and you’ll find yourself up to your armpits in alligators… it may take a while before you feel them snapping at your heels but I guarantee you will.
Ultimately, we each must take responsibility for our own successes and failures. When we try to hand the problem to someone else to solve it means we’re not quite ready to accept responsibility. We’re still looking for someone to save us. And as long as we’re unwilling to find a way out of our own messes, we can’t be saved.
September 2, 2009 at 7:50 am
I have a comment for your last couple with 10 long years of poblems
They deserve each other!!
September 2, 2009 at 8:00 am
I think this is a bit like your “Emergencies” blog.
People take the path of least resistance or choose to ignore the obvious and then are surprised when things don’t work out.
They look at people that have it together as if they have a secret weapon or fairy godmother.
The reality is, like it or not, you have to work at anything to make it successful: a business, a marriage, your children and your bank account.
Yes, some people are lucky to get a lottery win or inheritance or make huge money: but it doesn’t guarantee success.
Bad or lazy choices equal a less stellar outcome.
Just read the Globe and Mail article yesterday on the wealthy and successful photographer who is in financial trouble.
ps John, I love your black/white thinking!
September 2, 2009 at 8:44 am
I find it interesting that even at our wits end we still want someone else to clean it all up for us. (I’m using the royal us/we here). If we were really at our wits end, reaching out for help would begin by making up our minds to do whatever it took to get out of the situation.
For me that would mean, grabbing a glass of a favoured alcoholic beverage, and getting to work with myself. I’d start by reading everything I could find from the ‘Spurts I like and get through their advice pronto and by goodness TAKE NOTES! I find it interesting that those people writing those letters to Gail are intelligent enough to find out how to contact her, but have skipped the steps of paying attention to the repeated advice she gives on her show, night after night, and her blog day after day. But hey, that’s just me I guess.
I understand that getting honest with yourself requires just that – being HONEST with yourself, which is difficult, but egads people! She does a show, she has a blog, and still you think that you’ll take her advice when she sends you a personalized letter telling you the SAME THING! Even a gift-wrapped present the size of an elephant hasn’t worked as yet, so what makes you certain that the same advice written back to you from our loved ‘Spurt is going to do the same?
September 2, 2009 at 8:52 am
After reading your post today Gail I have to laugh. It is as though you are just going to have to repeat your advice over and over again until your blue in the face! Stop spending! Set a budget! Stick to it!.
My husband and I were much like the couples that you have on your show. At the beginning of this year we were 30k in debt, I was just starting maternity leave and he was layed off. We just took your basic advice, the same advice you give out EVERY show and as of yesterday we are down to 20k in 9 months, have savings in the bank, and plan to be debt free Dec 2010! (yeah us!) I just dont get how after watching your show people are still clueless on how to help themselves (sorry, i know that sounds harsh)
September 2, 2009 at 9:02 am
I love this post! I started watching the show a few months ago when I realized I was getting in over my head. I put the principles to work and its slowly starting to pay off (light at the end of the tunnel!).If all goes as planned my consumer debt will be gone in about 18 months. My boyfriend, a notorious ostrich, has even taken notice. This month the stress of life really got to him and he finally decided that “we need to do what they do on that show”. So we have set October 1st as the beginning of the dig out (FYI he is away all month in another country, hence the reason we are doing it October).
Sadly, you cannot make someone change. Until people truly see the need to manage money, they will continue with old habits.
Keep up the amazing work Gail!
September 2, 2009 at 9:28 am
I believe that you can repeat yourself over and over and over again, but, unless the receiver actually makes a conscious decision to hear you, you are just babbling. You can only help people who are willing to help themselves.
September 2, 2009 at 9:34 am
What confuses me, is that these people watch the show but can’t figure out what they need to do. Gail’s advice is the same every time. Make a budget for variable costs, after deducting fixed costs, savings, & debt repayment from your net income. If it doesn’t balance, make more money and/or reduce your fixed costs. Live off the jars, tracking every cent. Communicate and start talking about money. If the debt is too huge and the situation truly impossible, declare bankruptcy as a last resort. What do they think Gail is going to say that could be different from every single episode?
September 2, 2009 at 9:34 am
Diana – what article is that? Can you please send me the link? Would love to read it. Thanks!
September 2, 2009 at 9:45 am
Saver Queen,
Sorry, I am a luddite, I don’t know how to send a link.
But, it was in Sept 1/09 Globe and Mail Life section.
Sarah Hampson currency column, Debt:Irrational Optimism.
Headline Spendthrift Annie Leibovitz:as American as Apple Pie.
Interesting take on those with big money, they need to do the same things us regular folk need to do to keep the $$ in the bank.
September 2, 2009 at 9:50 am
Yes I just read the article.
No wonder now no money left….been spending it all!
September 2, 2009 at 9:53 am
Because some people are better at being accountable to a stranger than themselves. If a stranger knows all the details and the dirty secrets, they might feel bad enough to want to change.
Gail’s recipe requires work! Dig out receipts, pay stub, crunch numbers and stick to the budget! Accountability!
This is why Gail helped set up the localised Gail Clubs! People to help with the butt-kicking! If you need support, seek the Clubs, seek appropriate professional help (community support for consumeritis).
Get going! They system works!
September 2, 2009 at 10:19 am
Annie Leibovitz article in the Globe
Thanks as always Gail! I read your blog for a daily boost to my willpower to continue with my debt management.
One thing I would like to comment on is that I personally object to the harsh judgment that some commenters seem to take on others. Yes, it is silly to imagine that Gail could wave a magic wand and make years of a strangers money mis-management disappear. But human beings are fallible, and compassion is one of our greatest abilities. One of the reasons I respect Gail over most of the “debt gurus” out there is that she retains her empathy even for the most clueless.
Good luck, Rebecca S with your repayment plan – I just started mine this year, and so far so good!
September 2, 2009 at 10:22 am
Diana, SQ – here you go:
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/family-and-relationships/spendthrift-annie-leibovitz/article1271406/
September 2, 2009 at 10:29 am
I love these ’round up’ questions posts!
Thanks gail!
September 2, 2009 at 10:41 am
I think the 15 and 18 year old need to get a job and help mom pay for the bills (mom is most likely paying for their cell phones, internet connection and any other “toys” they may have)
September 2, 2009 at 11:00 am
For all of those Type A personalities in the world, (many have made comments here today) congradulations to you!
I agree with Arteme. There are many many many people in the world that can not take a concept and put it into action. That doesn’t mean that they are stupid or lazy it simply means that they don’t have the same skill sets as people who are able to do it.
Gail can talk, we can talk, but unless someone holds these people desperate people’s hands and say Step 1 is this… now lets do it (probably together) they may never be able to take that first step. Empathy starts with putting yourself in that other persons shoes. What is logical to you isn’t necessarily logical to them and that is where you can help. If you are so overwhelmed that you can’t see the forest for the trees then how can you begin with step one… your just trying to not cry.
Gail; if I may be so bold I would suggest an online forum where regular folk like myself could help out other regular folk who are so overwhelmed that they can’t seem to take Step One.
I’m not sure of the logistics or how to get around any potential legal ramifications… but then again maybe that is something that someone else in your loyal Gail follower club has the skill set to employ.
I would love to be able to help out in some small way to help other people realize thier full potential… and there are many ways of doing that in this world!
September 2, 2009 at 11:13 am
Christy;
you can find the “Gail Club Forum” at;
http://gailvazoxlade.com/bb/
sign up and you can likely do what you mention that “regular folks could help out others” since you certainly don’t need to stay in your “Gail club” group.
Check it out – it is actually quite good…
September 2, 2009 at 12:25 pm
I know people like those in all three of the letters featured… and many others in their own financial pickles.
For some of them, the solution is easy. For others, the solution requires more action on their part.
The only common threads I’ve noticed are not exactly their lack of desire to clean up their mess, but their lack of desire to really change, or their lack of stick-to-it-iv-ness. (insert proper word here?) Many just give up too easily when things aren’t picture perfect in the ‘less than practical’ time frame they give themselves.
Some people have easy solutions, and they ask your advice, and you tell them, but they still don’t implement it.
Some people have solutions that might not be as easy, but they don’t ask, or won’t take any advice… until it’s too late.
Others just have their priorities waayy out of whack.
I remember my husband telling me about an article he read where they surveyed people in the US, asking them what three things they could not live without when times were hard. My first thought was that the top three items would be: food, shelter, and clothing. How wrong I was. The top three items people said they could not do without were… Cable… Internet… and Cell Phones. OMG !
September 2, 2009 at 12:29 pm
I find it interesting that with all the great info Gail has posted on her site that people can’t READ it! The guestbook is full of the same questions every week – follow up shows, budget sheet, jars percentage, etc. All of the info is there on this site. There are no concepts to get you just have to read.
Gail, you really are a saint. I would have gotten so frustrated with the people that can’t take the time to read and would have shut the site down months ago. I am thankful you haven’t. If one more person asks something covered in the “READ ME FIRST” section I am gonna scream! I don’t know how more clear Gail could be.
September 2, 2009 at 12:50 pm
First off I need to say that if there is a nincompoop mistake to be made with money my husband and I have made it so we are definitely not experts and instead of offering advice and making comments we should probably be sitting at the back of the room being very quiet. However, we are very experienced at the debt thing and now getting really, really good at the Gail way and I like to talk and brag.
Every time that Gail says money management isn’t rocket science my husband and I look at each other and giggle. My Dad actually was a rocket scientist and he couldn’t balance a cheque book or pay a bill on time – thank God for my Mom. Part of it was the absent minded professor thing going on but in reality he just didn’t have the will or interest to be bothered and always said that things would work out or take care of themselves. Well, he was right – they did work out but it was Mom taking care of things.
Diana’s comment about people taking the path of least resistance is very true – especially once you have gotten yourself into a mess. Easier just to pretend and ignore and use the line of credit to pay off the credit cards and that “surprise” car repair than to actually sit down, change your ways to fix things and work hard at it. Of course eventually the path gets so full of winding twists and turns that you lose your way and things get very dark and dangerous and you fall off the cliff.
Gail’s advice is all about acknowledging what is your reality, using common sense, being responsible, applying self discipline, making sacrifices and most importantly of all – actually wanting to change and live differently and then doing absolutely everything that you have to do to make it possible – no matter how hard or how long it takes. Happily it all pays off and there is a pot of gold at the end of the Gail rainbow.
When I see the people on the show who swear that they will change and do everything that is asked of them and then have a “but” for everything I want to slap them. Have actually thrown my slipper at the screen on more than one occasion. Really, really dislike the woman I call Poison Ivy.
The word “but” is an eraser word. Whenever you hear it you know that whatever was said before the “but” has just been erased. I want to stop using my credit card but…..I want to save for my child’s education but……I like your sister, think that she is an interesting character and oh my! aren’t her kids just so active and inventive – so yes I would love to spend our vacation with her but….
The first step is the easiest but seems to be the hardest. Stop spending on anything that isn’t an absolute necessity to maintain life, limb and safety. I have a neighbour/coffee buddy who watches ‘Til Debt and is “trying”. Very trying. Getting on my last nerve. I really try to stay out of people’s business unless asked but have got to learn to say no more forcefully. She asked me to help so we made a great budget but she won’t deny even a small gratification today for a big benefit next year. She says budgeting and living on cash doesn’t work because there isn’t enough to go around. Well not if you keep spending what you don’t have or rob the Hydro to pay for more groceries than you have money in the jars for. She ended our last conversation because she was late for a mani/pedi appointment. Well I guess if you won’t do your own nails for a year you aren’t really serious about getting out of debt. I don’t know how Gail does it. This whole bad attitude thing made me so cross I wanted to go all Bad Kitty on her and scratch her but unfortunately I chew my nails.
September 2, 2009 at 1:54 pm
Hahaha! OMG Gail, you make me laugh! Your stories of letters of desperation from people are very similar to some of what I hear at work. I am an accountant and a couple of times a year I get someone looking for me to make their CRA tax problem go away. The problem being they were re-assessed and owe several thousand dollars from a decade ago, didn’t put one dime towards it, and now interest has raked up to a truly horrific amount. It’s both sad and amusing at the same time (not to take my jollies from other’s misery, but what the heck did they think was going to happen?). By this point, there isn’t anything much I can do for them but tell them the only way to make it go away is to pay it. Got so fed up with one man who was whining I told him it was time to put on his “big boy pants” and do what adults are supposed to do! Another tried to tell me how hard life is because he has 6 kids etc and trying to feed everyone, etc. Try telling these people that CRA doesn’t care that he didn’t use a condom, they just want their money! Hahaha, anyway, thanks for letting me get that off my chest! Keep the stories coming.
September 2, 2009 at 2:08 pm
Gail, don’t you ever feel like a broken record?
I do, sometimes.
People write to me too (DEFINITELY not as much as to you), and ask me how to get out of debt, save for a future, budget and track expenses.
I am just.. exhausted with repeating myself in every different way I can think of to help everyone, but sometimes it just boils down to doing it.
I am starting to feel like the fundamental problem with everyone is not that they don’t want to get out of debt, save, budget or track expenses.
It also isn’t because they aren’t smart, or don’t have the resources & tools to help them out (SO MANY great blogs out there repeat over and over again, how to set up a budget)..
It’s because people are in denial and/or lazy.
Period.
They want someone like you, to come in with a magic wand, tell them how bad the situation is, wave a little pointer stick around and give them EXACTLY what they have to do to get out of debt or change their lives.
They want YOU to do the grunt work for them, because it isn’t hard or difficult for these smart people.
Hell, even for me, it was torture to go through all those letters for my student loans (none went to collections or missed a payment, however) and to re-live the pain over and over again, chugging back some Pepto Bismol while I figure out how much I owe IN TOTAL and to start drafting a plan to get out of debt.
But I did it. Alone.
But with the proliferation of great PF blogs such as yours and many others, as well as your TV show & many others.. or radio shows… people are just getting lazy. Clamouring for help even when the answer is staring them straight in the face on my blog or yours and screaming and pleading them to follow our steps.
Take a whole day off and do it.
Like a band-aid. One rip.
Sorry for the long rant. Just.. getting frustrated. *sigh* I want to help, but I also want people to stop taking the easy way out, and start helping themselves as well. Proactively.
September 2, 2009 at 5:12 pm
Gail, and the many others out there who offer their simple and helpful advice to us all:
Thank you. I am sorry you get so many letters asking the same things, over and over, and wanting a ‘magic’ (read: effortless and instant) solution. But thank you for doing what you do because there are folks like me who took what your wrote about (I got your books out of the library too!) and said on the show, rolled up our sleeves, did the work, and are THRILLED with the results. Hubby and I have a plan, we’re working as a team, our family is having more fun (believe it! free/cheap stuff rocks!) and we are building our dreams together. We also sleep better at night having sorted out some missing elements (disability insurance! as a stay-at-home Mom of 2 young boys, completely dependent at this stage on self-employed hubby’s earnings…wow! What a risk I/we were taking!)
So thank you. If you ever doubt that you are having an effect (broken record syndrome), please remember me and the THOUSANDS like me who are so thankful someone pointed the way so that with a little (or a LOT) of hard work, we can get to where we want to be.
September 2, 2009 at 5:30 pm
Arteme and Christy – I agree completely that this should be a supportive place and we should not judge people who get themselves in a financial mess because it’s happened to many of us, and it’s easy to do. Many of the people on the show are very intelligent people. But I take issue with Christy’s statement:
“Gail can talk, we can talk, but unless someone holds these people desperate people’s hands and say Step 1 is this… now lets do it (probably together) they may never be able to take that first step.”
If you need someone to hold your hand every step of the way, it’s not going to get done. Gail cannot visit everyone with a debt problem in the world. If you have children or a spouse counting on you, it’s up to YOU to fix the problem, daunting as that may be.
There are plenty of resources already out there, including on this blog, on the website, and on the show. But it seems many of these people don’t want to take the initiative to learn or to try or to do. They just want someone to save them.
And that’s part of the problem. If you’re not willing to take matters into your own hands, and say, “I’m going to LEARN how to fix this”, nothing will change. If you’re still looking for someone to fix your life, things won’t improve, even WITH Gail’s help.
September 2, 2009 at 5:39 pm
I think the big problem is people are lazy, in denial, and lack discipline. I know because I’m one of those people. It’s really, really hard for me to not use credit cards, spend recklessly, and pretend it’s all going to work out in the end – I am not a naturally frugal person. Even when I’ve had to suffer painful consequences, I still spend money that I shouldn’t on non-necessities. I think it’s just a character flaw that I’m going to have to deal with for the rest of my life, kind of like being a recovering alcoholic. It sucks but that’s the way it is. Fortunately with Gail’s encouraging articles, I am farther along in getting out of debt and getting my finances in order than I have ever been. I am hoping someday, somehow, this will become second nature to me and not so hard.
September 2, 2009 at 5:47 pm
U said it just right Risa! We feel better off and not as much stress and arguements in house anymore for talking about money anymore.. It so worth putting the sweat into doing budget in beginning!
We just went on a long awaited three day vacation with cash and was a great relaxing fun time since it was budgeted and saved up for… We did put some on cc but got home and pd it off
September 2, 2009 at 5:50 pm
You are making a difference Gail! People are listening. Just not those particular ones.
There will always be people looking for a quick fix. And unfortunately, since your show has cash involved, you probably get more than your fair share of people looking for a money tree.
Hang in there and don’t let them get to you. There’s a special place in heaven for people like you.
September 2, 2009 at 8:51 pm
PS Thanks for everyone who shared the link from the Globe piece. It was pretty shocking.
Also congrats to everyone who has a positive story to share. I love hearing these!
September 2, 2009 at 8:52 pm
geezzzzzzz, sometime people have to go ‘belly up’ (again) and lose EVERYTHING before it sinks in that :
a. ya have to pay your bills
b. ya have to live within your means
c. life isn’t fair
d. the world owes YOU nothing
e. ya have to pay your own way…
f. sometimes ya have to ditch the loser
i’m getting blue in the face too gail!
September 2, 2009 at 9:53 pm
Awesome post, Maureen!!!! You made my day
September 3, 2009 at 12:14 am
“a. ya have to pay your bills
b. ya have to live within your means
c. life isn’t fair
d. the world owes YOU nothing
e. ya have to pay your own way…”
@diana – great post – rich, poor, single, married, same sex, student, retired, divorced, children, no children, pets, no pets, renter, owner, city, country….(did I miss anyone?) these “life” rules apply to you! ALL of you! You can play the game however you want but those are the rules. We all make what we make. We live within it or we make more.
As for ditching the loser?? Well, I was the loser in my relationship and my hubby was patient and I changed. I am still not as frugal as he is but I have definitely reformed my ways.
September 3, 2009 at 2:05 am
OMG!
So many of these posts made me laugh!
I am glad I am not the only one who gets soooooo frustrated with people who want their hand held or want it to be better without pain.
Yes it is nice to have empathy, but if you are writing to Gail presumably you have seen her show and/or gone on her web-site and therefore you know what she is going to say. Come on people, there is no fairy godmother!!!
Get your act together.
Life isn’t fair. Some people are rich, the rest of us aren’t.
Take care of business. Learn to say no to yourself and your children.
TV, internet and cell phones are not necessities of life.
When do we all start becoming adults?
( I can’t add 2+2, but I can follow the jars and go from there and if I can, ANYONE can.)
September 3, 2009 at 12:48 pm
When we were living the carefree, thought we were happy but were actually eaten up with worry and guilt , selfish and irresponsible debtors lifestyle we never talked about money matters at all and none of our friends talked to us about their finances. We all lived in lala land and they actually thought that we were doing great and we thought they were doing better than great.
When our own personal caca hit the fan we committed to changing things and had to swallow our pride. I remember the embarrassment of “confessing” to my parents and the humiliation I felt when we turned down our first invitation to dinner. But we did it. My parents weren’t even surprised and more than disappointed they were worried because they had always bailed us out and we had reached that point when they could not help us anymore. In hindsight it would have been a lot better for us if they had said right from the start that they WOULD not help us. But parents love and try to save their kids.
We actually sat down and tried to come up with believable lies to explain why we could no longer go out to dinner with our friends. Soon saw that this was going to be an endless and stupid game because you can only have so many headaches before your friends shove you into an ambulance and insist that you have a brain scan right now! So we simply said that we could no longer afford to go out for dinner but that they could come and have coffee with us after they ate out. Surprisingly they said – Oh no. It wouldn’t be the same. Let’s have a potluck instead. And the one thing I noticed as we continued with our potlucks is that they seemed relieved.
We decided early on that we would still keep our business private mostly because we didn’t want to become annoying reformed debtors who could only talk about that. (That plan failed forme) However, after we started to get straight people began to notice that we seemed a lot more relaxed and started openly asking us questions and telling us about their finances.
This is a very touchy and difficult maze to enter and then try to get out of with friends. Right off I noticed that there were some who were really serious about getting out of debt but that there were also those who were willing to talk the talk but not walk the walk. They were the ones who kept coming back to us looking for the easy out and the quick fix and not believing it when we told them that there wasn’t one. I think they thought we were keeping all the candy for ourselves.
The serious ones got it fairly quickly and just figured a lot of it out for themselves. For the others all we could do was repeat and repeat and repeat what we were doing and try to steer them to watching ‘Til Debt. It got really frustrating and some actually got resentful against us. My Dad used to say that advice can be given but you should not expect that it will be received.
I am now a lot better at just giving them the short version of the advice they have asked for and accepting that it is going to be ignored until the next time they got really worried and panicky. Not judging just stating facts and we understand because we did the same for years. I want to help but I do get annoyed. You can take a debtor to a budget but you cannot make them think.
September 3, 2009 at 9:14 pm
I think that people look to Gail as someone that they can feel accountable too. To someone who genuinely cares about people and their finances. For me it’s not the finances, but with fitness. To get up and go for a jog on my own is practically impossible, but if I have to meet up with a friend, a personal trainer or a physiotherapist I am there and ready. I don’t want to let them down. Like fitness, I would have no idea where to start a workout routine, but with a few sessions with a professional I get the tools and expert advice to point me in the right direction.
I love the idea of the Gail Clubs…but it is really hard to meet up with strangers for their advice and to trust them. Yet we all trust you Gail.
Wasn’t there a pole once that said if Oprah ran for president she would win?
Please don’t take every email personally even though people are pouring their hearts out to you…perhaps just send them along to a narrower topic that you have already blogged about and a wish of encouragement.
I have been checking this blog for the past year and finally I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you so much for everything
June 14, 2010 at 1:25 am
Excellent blog post, I will be sure to save this post in my Diigo account. Have a good evening.