Don’t Despair
Posted by Gail | Filed under Credit Wise
I get a lot of letters every week from people who are working hard to get out of debt. Many of those letters are filled with hope. People are making plans and seeing them come to fruition. Many others are full of despair. They just don’t see how they can possibly get to Debt Free Forever when they have kids who want to do stuff and lives that need to be lived. And as for saving money at the same time… that’s out of the question.
Don’t despair. I know getting to Debt Free Forever is no cake-walk. Sometimes it feels as if the debt is a forty-foot fence, and you’re looking at a lot of barbed wire on top. It requires a plan and the gumption to stick to the plan. Here are some things that may make it easier for you and your family:
Get Everyone Involved. While your instinct may be to hide the mess you’ve made from your children, your parents, your siblings, and your friends, this is counter-productive. Very often I make my fams confess their debt to get them out of the habit of keeping secrets. Most people underestimate how much family and friends will chip in to support your goal. Whether it’s offering hand-me-downs to cut down on your clothing costs, or suggesting pot-luck dinners at home instead of restaurant celebrations, the people who love you will want to help you. And they are more likely to understand why you suddenly won’t spend a cent if you tell ‘em you’re in hock up to your eye-balls. Instead of hiding from family and friends – leaving them with a big sense of “what happened?” – enroll them in your plan. Explain to children that you’re all working towards a goal of having no debt and why it’s important. Many people are afraid to let their kids think that everything isn’t perfect. But if you’re trying to pretend that everything’s same-old same-old, they’re not going to understand why they can’t have the toys or expensive clothes as their friends. Even if they don’t understand everything you say the first time you say it, it’ll be an important lesson for them in living within your means.
Set milestones. Create a goal that is achievable and set a date for completion. Make that goal clear to everyone in the family so that when the temptation to spend arises, you can focus on the goal. So, if you decide you’re going to have that dumb department store credit card that’s charging you 28.8% interest paid off in 10 weeks, that means you need to put $176.45 a week against that card. When Little Lucy says, “Mommy, I really need new runners,” you can say, “Sure Lucy, as soon as we’ve achieved this milestone of getting the Dumb Department Store Credit Card paid off, we’ll look at how to get you those sneakers.”
Make saving money a game. Assign everyone some part of the budget and challenge each person to find ways to cut back on the money you typically spend. If Lucy decides to become the “electricity monitor,” praise her liberally. Then, when the next electricity bill comes in, celebrate how much Lucy has saved with her vigilance and apply that savings directly to your debt repayment so Lucy can see her contribution. If Tony decides he’s going to help cut the grocery bill by shopping with coupons, praise him each time he scores a savings.
Create a “We Saved” Jar. This will help the whole family visualize what you’re accomplishing. Whenever anyone in the family makes an active choice that saves money, put that money a jar and let it sit where everyone can see it. When it’s time to apply those savings to the debt, put a label on the jar that says how much you’ve saved so far.
Create a chart to monitor your progress. Whether you use a “thermometer” drawn on poster board, and have the kids colour in the thermometer as you move towards your goal, or you create a poster board with a picture of your goal, and boxes you can check off as you get closer, keep your chart in a place where y’all will see it all the time and everyone can remind themselves how your smart saving moves are paying off.
Making debt repayment something you focus on as a goal, as opposed to a dirty little secret you keep hidden, is much more likely to keep you on track and get you to Debt Free Forever! After y’all have worked soooo hard to get to Debt Free, y’all are going to be that much more vigilant about staying Debt Free!
August 14, 2009 at 7:28 am
Thank you Gail for providing great ideas for the whole family to be involved. Simple, yes, gotta love it!
I love my morning coffee read, the great information and the reminders that we will get there (debt free) are such a wonderful way to start the day.
Have a great weekend
August 14, 2009 at 7:58 am
It might seem like one hell of a climb, but trust me, the view from the top will make it all worth while!
August 14, 2009 at 8:55 am
You could also read one of the inspiring success stories from this blog each day/week to keep you eyes on the prize.
August 14, 2009 at 10:00 am
This sounds like a great way to get the whole family involved!
August 14, 2009 at 10:32 am
I want to send this post to my brother.. he’s in so much financial trouble yet ironically, he swore me to secrecy. His wife is very proud and doesn’t want anyone in the family to know about their problems. We all know anyways!! I don’t know how to help him. I’ve told him about this site and show and how Gail has helped me to become debt free but its very difficult when only one part of a couple is willing to change. sigh.
I’ll call him and let him know about the post.. he is truly despairing right now and needs to read this. I just wish I could help him out more.
August 14, 2009 at 11:29 am
Didi:
Let him read the site and then give a little time. If he does not want to come clean openly, why not let them know that you ‘all’ know? It would be a bit tougher for them if it is not expected or on their terms, but your family could get together and refuse to put them in situations they cannot afford. The pride part is the most difficult one. Let themknow that they are not alone struggling with money if possible. Maybe other people have yet to come forward.
August 14, 2009 at 11:39 am
I settled in to watch a movie last night called ‘The Secret’ and instead it is a documentary on the ‘Law of Attraction’ Really, as Oprah said on a utube video, ‘The way we think creates reality.”
Gail provides positive thinking tools to us each and every day so that we can become debt free. Check out ‘The Secret’ or ‘Law of Attraction’ on Utube. It explains it better than I can. For instance Will Smith and Oprah both talk about ‘Law of Attraction’. It is another tool to use to inspire us to believe that we do have the power to change our circumstances!
I just ran across this and I don’t profit from mentioning it here. However, my mother was always a positive thinker so I naturally think that way and I thought this might inspire someone here by referring to it.
Kind regards.
August 14, 2009 at 11:55 am
@Marie
Thanks for the advice, I’d appreciate any suggestions on how to help him. I have told him about the site about a year ago but it seems he was not ready then to change. Now, they are about to lose their house and they are looking at rock bottom. He’s quit smoking which is a good thing that has come out of all this but it’s looking bad otherwise. My parents/family have been helping them where they can and they may be moving in with my parents soon but with my dad having to retire in a couple years this will be a strain for them also. If they do end up at my parents I think it will be a good idea for all of us to talk to them and let them know that obviously we know there is a problem and that we are all here for them…I think if they come clean we can all help. sorry for my ranting everyone. I’m just worried about him and my parents.
August 14, 2009 at 12:20 pm
After reading Didi’s family dilemma, it just solidifies my resolve to move into an RV and just start driving if/when I retire. I’m not trying to be funny, I really feel for them, but sometimes I wonder if (in the back of people’s heads) they know moving home is an option that they are more likely to LET it get desperate enough…. if Didi’s parent’s say “no” what are their options? Living on the street? I’m glad he stopped smoking at least…
Gail is right though, letting everyone in on your goals is empowering! Being naked (financially) to the ones who care about you is the best way to get over your hang-ups, come clean and even learn to love who you are! My husband of 15 years is still uncomfortable that my best friend’s husband is my accountant for my small business and does our income taxes every year. But these people know everything anyways! AND they were my rolemodels for the longest time for living frugally and still saving up for the future needs and the need for fun too (selectively discriminating what the “now fun” is for them and easily saying no to the rest…. pros of the thoil). By asking them pointedly how they do it so well, and being open about where we are and where we WANT to be, we have reached those goals so quickly in a short time. Nothing like a road map to help you find that destination — and stopping to ask for directions once in a while is nothing to be ashamed of either!
August 14, 2009 at 7:05 pm
I appreciate all your inspiration too – yesterday’s post inspired me to sit down and re-do my budget for the next 18 months, at which point I will be debt free (except for the mortgage, which will take another 2 years) and a solid emergency fund. I feel so happy that I have a roadmap showing me exactly where I need to go and what I need to do over the next 18 months. I made myself a word document with outlines of how each paycheck will be divided up, so I can check off each step as I go through it. A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step – today I made an $800 payment against my credit card debt. Check off step one!
August 17, 2009 at 8:13 pm
Hi, this post comes in a timely way for me. I’ve just re-financed a loan to pay off store cards and I find it really difficult to keep a lid on spending. This post and blog has inspired me to get my act together.
October 1, 2009 at 9:29 am
how to cut down on electricity bill…
I get a lot of letters every week from people who are working hard to get out of debt. Many of those [...]…