I Want It All
Posted by Gail | Filed under Goals
Yeah, I know, you can’t always get what you want. Or so say the Rolling Stones. I’ve found that it’s not true. It’s a timing thing. You CAN have it all, you just can’t have it all at the same time!
One of the biggest challenges in life, and in money management, is learning how to prioritize what you want. While it’s easy to set dozens of goals, splintering your efforts among a dozen things probably means you won’t do any of them well. So you need to know which ones are the most important right now and focus on those. By concentrating your effort you have a much better chance of getting what you want.
What do you do if you have two (or more) very important goals that seem to be competing with each other? You can throw up your arms and walk away from the table because it just “can’t be done”, or you can decide how important each goal is and just how much energy you’re going to put into each. You may want to go back to school and start a family. You may want to buy a house and pay down your debt. You may want to build a retirement plan, upgrade to a larger home and take a vacation. Life isn’t always about there being one thing to do at a time. If it were, things would be a whole lot less complicated. But finding the balance between today’s and tomorrow’s needs and wants is a sign of maturity. When you can see the importance of living the balanced life — when you can hold multiple goals in perspective — you’re on your way baby.
Start by asking yourself, “Will one of my goals have a bigger payoff than the other?” Or try, “What’s the downside of ignoring either one of these goals?” Look at the big picture and figure out how to use your resources to achieve what you really want.
When your choosing where to put your effort choose carefully. It is easy to be swayed by goals with a short-term payoff like a vacation, compared to a goal that will take a long time to come to fruition like building up a retirement nest-egg. Know that it is important to keep moving towards all your goals. While one may take precedence over another in the short term – debt repayment may require more of your money than retirement planning if you have loads of consumer debt – keeping both goals firmly in mind will help you create a balance that works for you.
And don’t forget about the wonder of putting time on your side. There’s a difference between “I want it all” and “I want it all NOW!” Your most important ally in reaching your goals is time. Even small amounts of money socked away religiously will compound over time, so your age will be a big factor.
Keep in mind that you can’t set your goals in isolation if other people – partners, children, parents – will be affected by your decisions. Each person with a stake in the outcome should be part of the goal-setting process. Even kids need to have some say in goals that will affect them.
And for goodness sake, find some balance between your big goals and your day-to-day living. The pursuit of huge objectives to the detriment of your normal life is dumb. Most of life is lived in the here-and-now. So a lot of what you’ll spend money on will be daily expenses. You also have to have some fun along the way. Fun’s okay, as long as your long-term needs are also part of the equation.
Most importantly, if you ever expect to have all you want you have to get started. Now. the longer you wait to set your goals, the more time you’ll have wasted spinning your wheels. But also be prepared for change as your needs and desires change. Your goals shouldn’t be cement shoes. Like your budget, your master plan needs to be reexamined fairly regularly to see if you’re still on track to what you really want.
August 11, 2009 at 9:03 am
I think I needed this one today! I’ve realized that although my student loan is now more than 1/2 paid off, that circumstances have changed in our household and I now have additional things that I’m financially responsible, so putting around 42% of my take-home pay against my loan isn’t always going to work each month if I still want to be able to enjoy life. I’m still doing the free things, but I think I need to ease up a little, and put even 5% of my loan payment into my fun/life category, since the small amount I have right now isn’t going very far.
I was still trying to reach my goal of having my loan paid off in December of next year, but reviewing my budget, although it’s possible, I don’t think it’s realistic anymore since my circumstances have changed since my last budget review a few months ago.
August 11, 2009 at 9:29 am
I want to buy a place with my wife so badly!
I keep having to remind myself that we’ll be able to afford it after we save enough of a downpayment and closing costs, which is not necessairly right now, but in another year. It is so hard though. I look at the listings on MLS, and then look at what another 10-20K will provide us with, and all of a sudden I’m out of our price range convincing myself, “we could afford it.” Even though we may see a condo that we want to get now at a decent price, we have to wait to save up a bigger down payment. Easier said than done.
But, alas, we keep paying off our student loans, and socking away our emergency fund, retirement savings, medical, and car repairs, and of course the much-loved (by me) down payment fund. It’s a medium-term goal that I keep wanting to be a short-term goal. Must. Be. Patient.
August 11, 2009 at 9:39 am
@ Dave
i feel the same way! I want to buy a home desperately, and I want it NOW!
I wish I had been saving for a down payment for the last 10 years, but I haven’t, we’ve only been saving for the last 8 months or so
Realistically we won’t be able to buy a home for 3-5 years; emotionally we both want it so bad. We spent all of last Saturday going to open houses.
August 11, 2009 at 9:55 am
This has been stressing me out so much. I have been wanting to go back to school so that I can have the career I’ve been dreaming about for 5 years, but I knew that it would affect how my partner and I live (less money, less time). Even with part time school, I would still need a new job (I’m at this one 10 hours a day, it cuts down on study time!) which would probably mean less money. I talked it over with my partner and we both decided the long term earning potential as well as my hapiness was worth it. It was through watching Gails show that we learned how to manage our money and talked about our goals for the future. Gail helped us realize we can do it, we just need to focus and commit to our goals. Thanks Gail… I signed up for school yesterday and I feel like I’m starting the rest of my life.
August 11, 2009 at 10:23 am
I’ve had to revise my goals recently—66% of my take home pay was going to our LOC debt, with the goal of having it paid off by spring of next year. However, hubby and I discovered a new common interest recently…golf. We both love it (I’ve been trying for YEARS to find something we both enjoy doing together) but it does add up quite quickly. We’ve decided that, since we have no other major expenses/habits/hobbies, that this is worth the cost. Our payments will get reduced to 50% of my take home pay until the cost of clubs and green fees are covered-which will add a few more months to the debt payoff. But it’s the first time in years I’ve thought something for my personal entertainment was worth fitting into the budget.
August 11, 2009 at 10:24 am
Jessie — wow you’re going to go insane looking at open houses when you’re 3 – 5 years away, unless you are really good at balancing fantasy and reality
As a homeowner, I have to say it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be — we just paid $400 to have some trees pruned! But obviously I get the desire, especially as you read that Toronto house prices are up over last year (or some such thing). Ultimately, my house is only worth what someone else will pay for it when I put it up for sale, so who knows I might be taking a bath later on it… one never can tell. Oh and property taxes are nightmare, especially when you’re not getting services you paid for – like garbage pickup!
August 11, 2009 at 10:40 am
I have “wants” and I have “now wants” and sometimes my lip gets stuck out a bit further than it should because the “now wants” have to wait… and then I tell myself everything happens for a reason and I may not be privy to that reason at this time; and that thats okay.
Everything always works out in the end!
August 11, 2009 at 11:56 am
Gail, you are describing the dilemma of the mom with a career too!
I want a career, but I want to be a stay-home-mom for my children… Giving 100% to both at the same time was impossible, and giving less than 100% was excruciating. The weighing had to happen fast (the kids don’t stay young for long) and by delaying the career until the kids were in school, I now have a great balance…. of course there was a very painful period of lower than normal income for a few years (putting delays on more goals), and the painful learning curve from being off the grid in my career as well! But like you said, the right timing was all is took, and keeping the big picture goal in perspective.
Luckily I can work from home so I am still “there” even though I work while the kids are in class… the income is MUCH better now and the side effects of full-time parenting (like negotiation skills, saying no, micro-organization and letting go of “perfect”) have helped me stay on path with the career goal.
August 11, 2009 at 12:54 pm
Well a lot of new home wannabes here thats great but if its used home and you go in on a shoestring and make shoestring wages make sure you can afford to fix the home.
Otherwise you are better off renting in a nice comfortable apartment.
Renting isn’t a waste either.
You save a lot of money renting compared to buying a used home and spending a fortune on manditory epairs, upgrades this or that.
A home buy is an investment well okay…maybe.
A lot of older homes are bottomless money pits to that young people on avaerage wage jobs can’t afford to fix.
But what will you sell it for once its paid for?
I guess you will pay for it…you will always have your job(-+)
yes I know quite a bit. But thats Gross.
BUT take the total interest and mortgage cost you paid on it for the years it took you to pay for it, ALL the repairs and upgrades, NOT just the ones you care to remember.
AND if you have no retirement saving plan provided for you and a lot of home wannabies don’t you will just have to sell it to retire on its money. So you might just as well lived in comfy apartment and salted the RRSP’s away or broad solid investment porfolio.
Realtors move you thru used houses pretty quick with a hundred stories..so you can’t see to much.
And home inspectors may miss some thing and see others.
If you have a blue chip job like fireman, police, teacher, good government job federal or provincial,municipal etc then home ownership is a different matter entirely.
August 11, 2009 at 2:28 pm
Gail, you hit a nerve with me today….the very thing I have been pondering over. I too desperately want something …. a car to visit my grandchildren, do things with them and yet I need to do work on my house…oh dear, oh dear what is a person to do! I did come to a compromise though. First, fixing up my house is a good investment and in 5 years when I am 65, I might want to sell it and move into something less work and then I can buy a car. I really can’t justify buying a car as it is way too expensive to own and that is how I always approached it.Makes me a bit sad though because I am always so darned practical.
August 11, 2009 at 2:30 pm
My latest mantra is, “On ne peut pas avoir le beurre et l’argent du beurre,” you can’t have the butter and the money for the butter. It’s hard to be patient and put off purchases of much-wanted things, but right now we’re hell bent for RRSP savings until the end of the year, so all that fun stuff has to wait. But once Hannukah rolls around, the purse strings can be loosened a bit so I’m dangling the carrot of a fun holiday season coming up.
August 11, 2009 at 2:41 pm
Gail,
this blog could not have been more timely. I have been really stressing myself out over our goals, trying to pay off the mortgage, and the kids’ schooling, and save for retirement, and for an upcoming family wedding. So much so that I have been really worried about how I am going to do it all. It’s nice to be reminded that you CAN do it all, just not at the same time.
August 11, 2009 at 2:53 pm
Translation of ‘on ne peut pas avoir le beurre et l’argent du beurre’: you can’t have you cake and eat it too.
August 12, 2009 at 12:09 am
For those wishing to be home owners .. just an FYI it really can cost!
Just this week I found out that we have to replace the roof of our house and we’re looking at a bill of $11,100 plus another $1,400 for the garage plus tax on all that on top.
And this evening I found a live mouse in the basement … so that needs dealing with too.
We live in a very old home which requires a lot of upkeep – my next house is going to be newer!
So there are many benefits to renting .. make the most of the freedom you have now in terms of not having to pay for the upkeep of a house.
August 12, 2009 at 1:27 am
hmmmm….. i bought our condo (pretty old but monthly cost is about the cost of renting). i am hoping to buy a house in five to ten years. the comments here make me change my mind about getting a house someday. maybe, if i get a really good paying job,,,,,,, hmmmmm,,,,,
August 12, 2009 at 9:59 am
Tough luck on the roof Angela!!! SHeesh
This is what happens to sadly.
Hopefully no “extras” in billing found.(rotten roof boards etc.)
One has to budget several hundred a month on potential repairs for used house purchases.UNLESS thats a big unless you know all mechanicals to be new and trouble free.
problem is 90% of people never do budget for repairs and you know why if they did they would be able to affored the home.?
plus they had a home inspection done.
As a former mechanical contractor I saw all kinds of stuff.
And what I haven’t seen I will believe.
Because what I have seen I didn’t want to believe.
As far the mouse just get a good cat(mouser)
Or traps
Getting and exterminator is good bucks and the problem can come back again.Oh they will want reurn calls Its money and the selling job.
Look around and close up openings from the exterior to the inside.
Old doors downstairs to outside? check them over good, mice can squeeze thru pretty small holes and building openings and cracks.
August 12, 2009 at 10:13 am
Thanks for this one Gail. The Rolling Stones song is one that my husband has sung to me for years and is now singing it at times to our kids. Too bad I tuned it out until last year!
We sat down on Sunday to talk about our goals with regards to money this past weekend in passing and this weekend we have made a date to put it on paper.
August 12, 2009 at 12:23 pm
Wanda – Time with your grandchildren is very valueable – look into what it would cost to rent a car once every few months. I used to rent every month or two for the weekend.
August 12, 2009 at 3:06 pm
I wish someone would tell my boyfriend this, lol. He has so many WANTS yet refuses to budget for any of them!! At this pace, it will take decades so save a downpayment for a home together (luckily, I already own my home and when the time comes to buy together, I will be renting this one out rather then selling!!!)
August 12, 2009 at 4:16 pm
Yes Rebecca keep your existing in your name only.
Rent it out.
Don’t sell your existing property to mix your money into a new home buy togehter.
You’d most likely be putting in the lions share that way
Highly NOT ecommended.
Keep in mind though that you may have to pay him out if your net family property is bigger than his if ever a split.
Sounds like you are setting up with a wanton spender.
August 14, 2009 at 11:37 am
Hello Gail!
I LOVE your blogs, your show and your books. Thank you for the daily inspiration to reach my financial goals!
I am a Personal Trainer & Coach and I must tell you that I am constantly amazed by the parallels between money management and weight management. Once you start looking you see them everwhere. Calorie for calorie, dollar for dollar.
I recently quoted your blog for inspiration and examples of this parallel in one of my own blog post rants. You can check it out here if you like!
http://elmhealth.blogspot.com/2009/08/you-can-have-your-cake-and-eat-it-too.html
Cheers,
SS
December 5, 2010 at 11:16 am
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