I am 27 and was raised in a low income home – I paid my own way through university working up to 4 part-time jobs at times to fund tuition, books and life (and occasional fun too) that wasn’t covered by student loans. My mother is on disability and so I also contributed to groceries and household expenses. While I now am striving to pay off my loans (ARG!) and find this somewhat discouraging at times, I find that I value each dollar of that loan balance because that loan could have been so much higher had I not worked as hard. And I feel validated that I accomplished that myself and it makes me confident that I can take the lumps of life head on.

My husband on the other hand is 31 and is, I’m learning, a financial ostrich. His parents have often ‘come to his rescue’ and I don’t think he’s really ever had to deal with the consequences of his financial decisions. On occasion he still runs home to his mom in a tight spot which is of course infuriating to me!

I truly think that the only thing you are giving your children when you ‘cave’ to their repeated ‘emergencies’ and ‘please,please,pleases” is a sense of entitlement. This is not a life lesson that will serve them well. The world doesn’t owe any of us anything…and life constantly reminds us of that fact.

I think it is however important that they know that once they are showing that they are responsible and God forbid something unforseen happens, they would still have your support and guidance…despite my mom’s limited finances,she has always provided me with the feeling of a safety net…

I wish you luck!!

Explain to them that they are now adults and must pay their own way. Give them a deadline to move out. Say, Labour Day. You can help them out with the first month’s rent, if it gets them out the door. After that, you must close your wallet and possibly change the locks at home. No more money, for ANY reason.

And they will cry, they will wine, they will say you don’t love them. But they are wrong. Keep repeating to them that you love them, that money is not love and that they are capable of doing this themselves. This is the BEST thing you could possibly do for them. This is the only way that your adult children will grow to be responsible for themselves.

You have been very noble in the sacrifices you have made for their education. You have done your best. But now the hard part, for their own good and especially for yours, you must let them go. don’t worry, they will come back and thank you (~some day). I heard a wise person say that raising kids involves giving them both roots and wings – and the hard part is always the wings.

I would also say, that this does not apply to the college student – until he/she graduates from college.

Good luck.

My husband has always had a great job and we managed to live comfortably with my own “Jar” management. I was a part time nurse. When the freeze in wage increases came along with increased taxes, intrerest rates and inflation we were stuck in a rut for 10 years.

We had up to 4 children during these years. My husbands income covered mortagae payments of approximately $700.00 a month and a vehicle payment of $450.00 a month on a fixed take home paycheck of $1100.00 every two weeks. That income was great 10 years before it was frozen by the Conservative Govt. My part time money went for groceries, children’s clothing and variable spoending I think is what Gail calls it. I also picked up a little part time babysitting for before and after school hours during the week. TYhat money I saved in a little spot known only to me along with my monthly “baby bonus” as it was called then of about $120.00 a month. I would save it for an emergency, such as car repairs, furnace and other repairs. My husband covered utilities and we managed to put aside $3000.00 toeventually $5000.00 a year from a direct paycheck withddrawal to cover property taxes and a little left over. He had his RSP deductions from work, I saved my in “Jars” until I was up a $1000.00 and went off to the bank to deposit it into a small RSP. Didn’t happen every year but I did it when I could.

We went out for dinner maybe once a year and with only the two of us so that we were never caught in that “Keeping Up With The Jones” where friends order three appetizers adn the most expensive bottle of wine along with dessert adn liquors. We didn’t go out with couples so that we would be stuck in a situation that we couldn’t afford such as buying rounds of drinks. We had a nice meal with an inexpensive bottle of wine, one appetizer and usually no dessert and it was lovely.

We rented movies instead of spending a 100.00 to go to a show for 2 people. I made pizza instead of ordering. I baked all the goodies instead of buying then. If there was something in particular that I loved at a restuarant, I learned how to make it for a fraction of the cost of going out to a restuarant. I made all the baby food. I washed diapers. I bought only the clothes that were needed but not what I “wanted”. The same went for the kids.

Times are better now and my husband is making a 6 figure salary. Our house is paid off. We own 2 vehicles that we paid cash for. OUr house is in need of many repairs and upgrades that we coulkdn’t affor to do because ot University and College costs for our children. We couldn’t afford to do an education fund for the first 2 but have been able to for that last two.

I am disabled and unable to work.

Now comes the hard part. How do I make my kids more independant. They seem to think that my husband and I are their own personal Green Machines. The two older ones have jobs. One is part time because he is still in College. The 2 of them got themsoelves intoa financial mess that they have come to ask us to bail them out of………….Nothing doing!!!!! My advice to them has gone unheeded. I told them to rip up their credit cards and have their school loans and credit cards consolodated into one afforable monthly payment to free up a littl more cahs….Nothing Doing by them.

They still live at home. Pay us no rent……can’t bleed a stone. They laugh at me when they see my jars. Thats right my jars.

One for pennies, one for knickles, dimes, quaters, loonies and toonies each..I save enough to roll up and every couple of hundren dollars a take them to the bank. You don’t even miss the spare change coming out of the purse and into a jar. They won’t do it. I have to hide my jars because they look for them when the want a few dollars to buy lunch or dinner at work. I deny them that money if they haven’t any because my husband and I always took a brown bag to work. We have never been short of food.

You see my husband and I are children of power war imigrants. We were taught that you are nothing if you rent. We would be nothing without an education. We would be nothing if we gave into credit and credit cards. The 2 times in our liufe that wee needed credit we went to a bank not a card.

Gail, if you manage to read this all, have you any words of advice on how to keep my freeloading children off my back for money……………there are some weeks that they are asking me to bnail them out of up to $500.00 in “emergency funds”. I say no for themost part depending on the emergency. If it means that they lose an ability to go to work or school I cave because I don’t want them to be uneducated and freeloading off of us for the rest of their lives? These are our golden years…..

My husband has always had a great job and we managed to live comfortably with my own “Jar” management. I was a part time nurse. When the freeze in wage increases came along with increased taxes, intrerest rates and inflation we were stuck in a rut for 10 years.

We had up to 4 children during these years. My husbands income covered mortagae payments of approximately $700.00 a month and a vehicle payment of $450.00 a month on a fixed take home paycheck of $1100.00 every two weeks. That income was great 10 years before it was frozen by the Conservative Govt. My part time money went for groceries, children’s clothing and variable spoending I think is what Gail calls it. I also picked up a little part time babysitting for before and after school hours during the week. TYhat money I saved in a little spot known only to me along with my monthly “baby bonus” as it was called then of about $120.00 a month. I would save it for an emergency, such as car repairs, furnace and other repairs. My husband covered utilities and we managed to put aside $3000.00 toeventually $5000.00 a year from a direct paycheck withddrawal to cover property taxes and a little left over. He had his RSP deductions from work, I saved my in “Jars” until I was up a $1000.00 and went off to the bank to deposit it into a small RSP. Didn’t happen every year but I did it when I could.

We went out for dinner maybe once a year and with only the two of us so that we were never caught in that “Keeping Up With The Jones” where friends order three appetizers adn the most expensive bottle of wine along with dessert adn liquors. We didn’t go out with couples so that we would be stuck in a situation that we couldn’t afford such as buying rounds of drinks. We had a nice meal with an inexpensive bottle of wine, one appetizer and usually no dessert and it was lovely.

We rented movies instead of spending a 100.00 to go to a show for 2 people. I made pizza instead of ordering. I baked all the goodies instead of buying then. If there was something in particular that I loved at a restuarant, I learned how to make it for a fraction of the cost of going out to a restuarant. I made all the baby food. I washed diapers. I bought only the clothes that were needed but not what I “wanted”. The same went for the kids.

Times are better now and my husband is making a 6 figure salary. Our house is paid off. We own 2 vehicles that we paid cash for. OUr house is in need of many repairs and upgrades that we coulkdn’t affor to do because ot University and College costs for our children. We couldn’t afford to do an education fund for the first 2 but have been able to for that last two.

I am disabled and unable to work.

Now comes the hard part. How do I make my kids more independant. They seem to think that my husband and I are their own personal Green Machines. The two older ones have jobs. One is part time because he is still in College. The 2 of them got themsoelves intoa financial mess that they have come to ask us to bail them out of………….Nothing doing!!!!! My advice to them has gone unheeded. I told them to rip up their credit cards and have their school loans and credit cards consolodated into one afforable monthly payment to free up a littl more cahs….Nothing Doing by them.

They still live at home. Pay us no rent……can’t bleed a stone. They laugh at me when they see my jars. Thats right my jars.

One for pennies, one for knickles, dimes, quaters, loonies and toonies each..I save enough to roll up and every couple of hundren dollars a take them to the bank. You don’t even miss the spare change coming out of the purse and into a jar. They won’t do it. I have to hide my jars because they look for them when the want a few dollars to buy lunch or dinner at work. I deny them that money if they haven’t any because my husband and I always took a brown bag to work.

You see my husband and I are children of power war imigrants. We were taught that you are nothing if you rent. We would be nothing without an education. We wouyld be nothing if we gave into credit and credit cards. The 2 times in our liufe that wee needed credit we went to a bank not a card.

I don’t see it in today’s Metro, but there is a grant of some sort that she can apply for – the gvt will provide up to $1000 each year for low income people with disabilities, up to $20,000, or until the person is 49. The gvt will also match contributions, up to $3500, in addition to the $1000.

I’ve searched the web, and found this link, which explains the system:
http://www.hrsdc.gc.ca/eng/disability_issues/disability_savings/cdsbg.shtml

Hopefully, that can help Bonnie – I’m not sure what her age is, or if she can access the Internet to see this information though.

Depending on what her abilities are, everyone has pointed out many ways for her to help find extra money. I would like to suggest that perhaps, through her varying life experiences, she could find a way to share her story as a motivational speaker in a hospital, school or church setting that could bring in extra cash – provided of course that Bonnie is comfortable with that. Perhaps also, a root Bonnie could take would be to write a book on the power of positive attitude, perhaps a fiction novel on her life until now in some fashion, or begin a blog that could bring in some passive income for her.

Perhaps also, she could plant a vegetable garden at home that could help offset the costs of food during the summer months, or even rent out some of her green space to someone who wants a garden but has no space of their own (this seems to be getting more popular in Toronto).

I have much to learn from Bonnie!

My suggestion is to try working from home. I do call answering, which allows me to work in off-peak hours (evenings and weekends). I manage to put in a full 40-50 hour week while still leaving most of my day free.

Other than that, even tiny bits of saving help. We put aside $200 a month for savings, and another 250$ into debt repayment. Savings included, we’re managing to live on about $1500 a month.

Go over the costs of your services. Pare down where you can. For instance, Bell home phone is really expensive, and so is their television (basic satellite is $40 a month!). If you switch to Primus, you can get home phone including unlimited long distance in Canada and the U.S. and high speed internet for $70 a month. Most television stations broadcast their shows over the internet, so you can hook up your computer to the television to watch them. Cell phones are unnecessary. Our home insurance was gouging us for $125 a month (on a 75 000 home!), so we switched providers and now get it for $50. Put the difference in savings.

I don’t know about the kids working to pay the bills, but kids working to pay for their own things, yes! I had to buy my own clothes and pay for my own outings as a young kid/teen.

It is possible to do this! Everyone makes it seem like living on less than $60 00 a year is impossible and miserable, but we are very comfortable. It’s just a matter of taking pleasure in the things we can afford (like walks in the park!) and not missing the things we don’t have.

Best wishes and prayers

I wish her all the luck in the world and admire her strength.

Here are a few random ideas I have:

• Craft shows/etsy.com – community centres often have craft shows around Christmas where people sell handmade/homemade items. Same with churches. Maybe Bonnie (and her kids) could work on some items to sell at the holidays. Etsy.com is an amazing place to sell goods which incurring no overhead. Cottage industry is a wonderful thing!

• Churches – I’m not sure if Bonnie is a church goer but I have found in the past when I was more involved in the church community that there were great little networking opportunities to be had in that very compassionate environment. Friendships can easily turn into connections that lead to part time work here and there. You have to spread the word though. Pride has no place in this suggestion.

• While I’m not generally in favour of child labour, perhaps if Bonnie’s kids are old enough to have paper routes and babysitting gigs, she should start asking them to contribute toward the purchase of new clothes, school supplies, etc…stuff Bonnie would have paid for entirely in the past. Also, to supplement buying new, Bonnie and her children could check out the local yard sales and consignment clothing stores. I’m always shocked at the great clothes I find people practically giving away!

• Lots of free stuff can be found (and requested) online at craigslist and freecycle.

• Taking on an exchange student or a roommate would be lovely but with three people already living in a 700 sq ft house, I’m doubting Bonnie has the room. not trying to be defeatist, just realistic.

• Rent out an available parking spot or storage space in her garage.

• Babysit friends’ kids/offer to walk or have kids walk dogs or feed cats/birds while people are off on vacation. She could post signs in local pet supply stores for the animal services.

• If Bonnie is a good cook, she could cook meals for shuts ins or busy professionals who don’t have the time to do it for themselves. Maybe she makes amazing jams and pickles and can sell her homecrafted food items to neighbours. Can she advertise such things on the lawn outside her house or in her window that faces the street?

• Sell/consign clothes she and her kids no longer wear. Along the same lines, she could have friends over for a clothing swap. Everyone brings clothes they no longer wear but that are still in great shape, and it’s a free for all. This doesn’t earn any money but it’s a way to expand the wardrobe while spending no money at all.

• Trade services…if Bonnie can sew, perhaps she trades sewing for say, haircuts with a friend who does that for a living.

But really my number one suggestion is for Bonnie to try and find a home-based business that she can work up slowly into something money-making. There are cheap ways to sell your stuff online but sadly she no longer has an internet connection so selling on etsy.com could be problematic. Still, it’s not too pricey to have a dial-up connection installed or perhaps if Bonnie’s computer is capable of receiving a wireless signal, she could ask a neighbour if she can piggyback onto their internet connection for a nominal amount…or for trade. If she is not computer savvy, often a neighbour’s kid is.