It Is What It Is
Posted by Gail | Filed under When Ca-Ca Happens
Every week I get somewhere between 70 and 200 questions, depending on who knows what. A lot of the questions I get are repeats that have been answered before, or only require some research on the site to find the answers. Those I delete. Many others are thoughtful and I am pleased to be able to help. And then there are the ones like this one that leave me pondering:
I’m divorced and raised three amazing articulate well-educated, self-sufficient children, sadly my adolescent child died from Cancer after a ten-year battle. I used all my RRSP and savings to keep her at home and provide the extra medical help required (family) was non-existent. I sold my modest home, downsized and paid off all my bills and funeral costs. I went back to work, now several years later I was injured at work and I’m now classified long-term disabled with a very meager WCB income with WCB Annuity pay out at age 65 years. Happily several years ago I bought or shall I say mortgaged a little 700 sq foot home out side the city. $300.00 PTI is still cheaper with the commute and gas than paying $800-1,000 a month rent. Everything in my home is paid for no flat screen TV’s or fancy stuff, disconnected the internet to keep Star Choice. How do you save when everything is fixed, all your shows are about couples with 2 incomes? I’ve never seen any shows on baby boomers or seniors rebuilding lives on fixed incomes or disabled. Please help the deserving poverty income citizens find a better way to survive and thrive. Yes I know there are people worse off then me… My mottos are “It Is What It Is” & Transform Frustration Into Motivation
Wow! Talk about multiple whammies! While most of us blissfully shuffle through life with the odd hiccup, here’s a woman who has been buffeted by ill winds, and she’s still holding on to a positive attitude. Wow!
So what are the lessons for us from this letter?
First, crap happens. And just because you’ve been hit by crap once doesn’t mean you’re in the clear.
I had a girlfriend who died of cancer – my Cookie was my bestest friend – and there seemed to be no UP in her life for the longest time. A diagnosis of MS was followed by breast cancer was followed by brain cancer. All this after a not-so-happy childhood, a still-born baby (at 8 months) and the disintegration of her marriage. Whenever I hear people talking about how “alarmist” I am when I talk about the importance of individual disability insurance, I think of Cookie and how much easier her life would have been with a solid and steady income. I have never, for one minute, regretted my disability insurance premium!
It doesn’t just have to be something bad that happens to you. As in this woman’s case, (we’ll call her Bonnie) her child’s illness was enough to wipe out all her resources. Bonnie coped. She did what she had to do, and then came out the other end with nothing but her future income potential. That, too, was side-swiped (which a good disability plan would have helped with) and Bonnie is now left wondering what to do next.
The thing about Bonnie’s situation is that, as she says, it is what it is. There’s not too much one can do in her circumstances: limited income, fixed expenses eating all the money. Sure, she could cut back on her TV, but is a person not entitled to anything “entertaining” in their lives?
Her focus now has to be on how to make the most of what little she has. Saving may not even be an option given her very limited resources. Squirreling away $5 here and $10 there for emergencies may be possible if she’s a very, very conscientious shopper. And if there’s a way to exchange some of her energy for a little extra cash (babysitting a friend’s children for a evening, or helping an aged neighbour with grocery shopping or schlepping to an appointment), that might give her a little wiggle room.
Bonnie never actually says how much she lives on, but with a mortgage payment of just $300 a month, I expect her resources are very limited. And for those people whose resources are as limited, I can only say that you need to find ways to make your life full that don’t involve spending money.
I’m turning this over to y’all now. What would you tell Bonnie, and how do those of you who live on a very restricted budget cope with all the demands with which you’re faced?
July 15, 2009 at 7:10 am
Bonnie sure is one resilient soul. She is really an inspiration to others on how she not only coped with the ’stuff of life’, but managed to carve out tiny place she calls home that she can afford. Re: making more money – well she knows herself best, what abilities / energies she has. Depending on her interests/talents* she could possibly capitalize on these skills and offer services in exchange for cash or goods or services (e.g. someone to care for her lawn or snowshovel during the winter months). Since I dont’ know what * these are, it’s difficult to make specific suggestions. On your site you’ve got many threads on how to stretch a dollar, spend less and find ways to make more cash. This site’s archives is one good place to start. More power to all the Bonnies in this world. Reading today’s post reminds us that we ought to be thankful for what we do have.
July 15, 2009 at 7:51 am
“Bonnie”: Is there any room in your small house for a roommate (bedroom in a basement perhaps)? Many years ago I took a roommate for extra cash. It worked out very well for both of us. We shared chores around the house and expenses. Both of us came out ahead. Unexpected bonus: I made a wonderful friend I still have in my life.
If it’s a case of having the space but no additional bedroom, perhaps those wonderful children you raised can help you fix the space up. You can pay them back for materials from your rent money. After the expenses have been covered, the money’s all yours. I know it’s an extreme idea but it’s just a thought.
By the way, this might be a good year to do this with the tax credit incentives the government is offering (please check with the CRA to make sure the credits are valid).
It’s hard to make other suggestions without knowing specific details.
July 15, 2009 at 9:11 am
It seems from the little info we have that Bonnie’s biggest asset is her incredible attitude. Getting through everything she’s gone through and keeping her head held high is a testament to her reslience. In my experience, the resilient can work through any situation, and with the suggestions that you and others will offer, I’m sure something will spark Bonnie and she will make the best lemonade possible with the lemons life has handed her. If Bonnie is reading this, I want to tell her that she has inspired me to get some perspective on a crummy situation I’m dealing with at work, so big thanks and hugs to her!!
July 15, 2009 at 9:44 am
Bonnie, I admire your attitude in your situation. Good for you! You are an inspiration! You also shine a valuable light on situations that any one of us could face at any time. Thank you for that. In these uncertain times, we are waiting to see what happens with my husband’s job (our main source of income) and thanks to Bonnie, I am just grateful for what we do have. Also thanks to Gail, we have a plan and a bit of a nest egg if the worst happens. That takes so much stress off. I’m going to look into disability ins for me as I have none for me currently.
Great post to start the day in a grateful frame of mind.
July 15, 2009 at 9:50 am
I cannot imagine all the hurdles this woman has had to leap!!
I would ask if there is an option of a pension from her ex-husband? She is entitled to a portion.
Depending on the nature of her disability, perhaps there is some part-time work that she could do that is not too physically taxing.
As to the roommate idea, if she lives near a post-secondary institution she could take in a student. That way it is not permanent in case it doesn’t work out. I do think that if her straits are that dire, her adult children could make some improvements to the home SANS repayment.
I am so glad my self-employed husband has disability insurance. He is the major bread-winner, if anything happened to him our lives would be changed drastically.
July 15, 2009 at 10:19 am
Giant bear hugs to this very courageous and resiliant human being. What an inspirational and tough lady to soldier on as she has in the face of these setbacks.
Here are a few random ideas I have:
• Craft shows/etsy.com – community centres often have craft shows around Christmas where people sell handmade/homemade items. Same with churches. Maybe Bonnie (and her kids) could work on some items to sell at the holidays. Etsy.com is an amazing place to sell goods which incurring no overhead. Cottage industry is a wonderful thing!
• Churches – I’m not sure if Bonnie is a church goer but I have found in the past when I was more involved in the church community that there were great little networking opportunities to be had in that very compassionate environment. Friendships can easily turn into connections that lead to part time work here and there. You have to spread the word though. Pride has no place in this suggestion.
• While I’m not generally in favour of child labour, perhaps if Bonnie’s kids are old enough to have paper routes and babysitting gigs, she should start asking them to contribute toward the purchase of new clothes, school supplies, etc…stuff Bonnie would have paid for entirely in the past. Also, to supplement buying new, Bonnie and her children could check out the local yard sales and consignment clothing stores. I’m always shocked at the great clothes I find people practically giving away!
• Lots of free stuff can be found (and requested) online at craigslist and freecycle.
• Taking on an exchange student or a roommate would be lovely but with three people already living in a 700 sq ft house, I’m doubting Bonnie has the room. not trying to be defeatist, just realistic.
• Rent out an available parking spot or storage space in her garage.
• Babysit friends’ kids/offer to walk or have kids walk dogs or feed cats/birds while people are off on vacation. She could post signs in local pet supply stores for the animal services.
• If Bonnie is a good cook, she could cook meals for shuts ins or busy professionals who don’t have the time to do it for themselves. Maybe she makes amazing jams and pickles and can sell her homecrafted food items to neighbours. Can she advertise such things on the lawn outside her house or in her window that faces the street?
• Sell/consign clothes she and her kids no longer wear. Along the same lines, she could have friends over for a clothing swap. Everyone brings clothes they no longer wear but that are still in great shape, and it’s a free for all. This doesn’t earn any money but it’s a way to expand the wardrobe while spending no money at all.
• Trade services…if Bonnie can sew, perhaps she trades sewing for say, haircuts with a friend who does that for a living.
But really my number one suggestion is for Bonnie to try and find a home-based business that she can work up slowly into something money-making. There are cheap ways to sell your stuff online but sadly she no longer has an internet connection so selling on etsy.com could be problematic. Still, it’s not too pricey to have a dial-up connection installed or perhaps if Bonnie’s computer is capable of receiving a wireless signal, she could ask a neighbour if she can piggyback onto their internet connection for a nominal amount…or for trade. If she is not computer savvy, often a neighbour’s kid is.
July 15, 2009 at 10:24 am
Bonnie you are truly amazing in your abilities and I expect that you have incorporated every money saving technique in your daily life. I can only say that in my life I have an amazing ex-sister-in-law who has faced a lot of trials in her life and she always amazes me how she survives. I think it is because her family is interdependent. They have supported each other through sharing accommodation over the years, sharing in child care, sharing their income with each other and I know that this must have its difficulties especially if one is independent but I admire this family so much. When I think about my sister in law and her family I think of the gentle waves of love and care coming and going like the waves on an ocean on a gentle summer day! I also realize this is the romantic view – on a daily basis it is more stressful than I report here but over time, they are a strong, caring family.
Bonnie, I believe you have great fortitude to face all your life’s challenges with such good judgement and that you have goals that you want to achieve and that is, I think, why you have contacted Gail because you truly are looking for answers. I hope the comments of all those here show how much we admire you and that admiration can buoy you up while you work towards a better life. Kind regards.
July 15, 2009 at 10:25 am
Bonnie may want to look into (if she hasn’t already) applying for CPP Disability and, as Diana already mentioned, she might also be entitled to a CPP credit split from her ex-husband. As well, the province she resides in might offer some type of assistance (i.e. Alberta offers A.I.S.H., for people with disabilities (mental and physical)), which might also provide some financial relief. This would be income/asset based however, but perhaps her health benefitis might be covered.
I wish her all the luck in the world and admire her strength.
July 15, 2009 at 11:25 am
Dear Bonnie,My mom raised us as a single parent. When we were older and working and she did not have a lot of money to live on, we helped her out by giving her a little bit of money each month ie 50-100 dollars. (My sister and I lived at home while going to university and mom provided shelter and food, paid for the dentist, etc.) It slowly grew and provided peace of mind for her. It replaced the money we spent on things like her birthday, mother’s day, etc. We still gave her a token of our love for these occasions but truly, she did not need any more trinkets and would prefer to choose her own clothing. Perhaps this is an idea…
Best wishes and prayers
July 15, 2009 at 11:55 am
I think Gail hit the nail on the head that there isn’t much wiggle room in Bonnie’s budget, but she’s on the right track with her frugal choices so far. Common sense will help her through.
Though I don’t have any real good ideas about increasing income, I am a contest hobby-est. I win stuff all the time! Try entering contests and see if you can win some extras to increase your material aspects. Here in canada all our wins are tax free–unlike the States where they have to pay tax on everything. I seem to win a lot of trips–that otherwise I couldn’t take but there are contests with prizes vitually for everything. I have even seen contests for new windows. Darn, wish I had won that one.
Its a cheap or even free hobby if you have Internet.
By the way, I don’t get cable TV service, I chose Internet instead. many shows are featured on the Internet too. And you can contest for free!
It’s a well kept secret but if you persevere, you will win!
July 15, 2009 at 2:45 pm
Kudos to Bonnie. You sound like a remarkable woman! Hang in there! My sympathies to you on the loss of your child.
Perhaps I’ve missed it, but, I don’t think I saw anything about your husband paying child support? If you can get $$ from a CPP split with her husband – all the better.
As you live ‘outside the city’ could you have children with two working parents get dropped off by the school bus at your house and you could babysit them till their parents can pick them up? Not knowing your disabilities…this idea would at the most be 2-3 hours and perhaps you could handle it? If you have the energy a nutritious snack could be included for extra $$.
Do you knit? I do, but, don’t take the time to knit those slippers….a lady needing extra $$ makes them for me for $7.00/pair…and I have an antique dough box with lots of them in it for visitors. They wash easy and last quite a while. It is something you could do while watching TV.
Or, making bag lunches? Many parents tire of making their childrens lunches, or don’t have the time. Could you set up a little business of making lunches (with a couple of menu choices) and deliver them to your school nearby?
Best of luck to you!
July 16, 2009 at 10:20 am
the strength shown in women like Bonnie humbles me.
Without providing advice on how to make more money or save, I can offer some suggestions on finding satisfaction within a low income… I’ve been writing a lot on abundance, now that my financial situation has changed, as I’ve been determined to discover bounty, beauty and joy around me despite my new circumstances. Being mindful and present helps me to realize how much beauty surrounds me. When I am a touched by a warm breeze, witness a random act of kindness or see children playing and being free, I try to take it in as a gift to myself. Someone told me to take 3 breaths when you encounter a special moment to really take it in, and I think it is a good strategy. This kind of attitude and approach makes me feel good, and it costs nothing!
July 16, 2009 at 12:03 pm
I’m on roughly the same sort of budget. My fiance and I have a $280/month mortgage (both of us are students) and we live on less than $40 000 a year including paying both of our tuition. It just requires a lot of careful planning.
My suggestion is to try working from home. I do call answering, which allows me to work in off-peak hours (evenings and weekends). I manage to put in a full 40-50 hour week while still leaving most of my day free.
Other than that, even tiny bits of saving help. We put aside $200 a month for savings, and another 250$ into debt repayment. Savings included, we’re managing to live on about $1500 a month.
Go over the costs of your services. Pare down where you can. For instance, Bell home phone is really expensive, and so is their television (basic satellite is $40 a month!). If you switch to Primus, you can get home phone including unlimited long distance in Canada and the U.S. and high speed internet for $70 a month. Most television stations broadcast their shows over the internet, so you can hook up your computer to the television to watch them. Cell phones are unnecessary. Our home insurance was gouging us for $125 a month (on a 75 000 home!), so we switched providers and now get it for $50. Put the difference in savings.
I don’t know about the kids working to pay the bills, but kids working to pay for their own things, yes! I had to buy my own clothes and pay for my own outings as a young kid/teen.
It is possible to do this! Everyone makes it seem like living on less than $60 00 a year is impossible and miserable, but we are very comfortable. It’s just a matter of taking pleasure in the things we can afford (like walks in the park!) and not missing the things we don’t have.
July 16, 2009 at 12:35 pm
I love this story in that it shows that attitude is everything! I agree that women such as Bonnie are trying humbling to myself. Her self-assuredness and sheer drive have gotten her through more than one person should have to handle, and she’s done it looking positively at everything. I am grateful for the chance to hear her story.
Depending on what her abilities are, everyone has pointed out many ways for her to help find extra money. I would like to suggest that perhaps, through her varying life experiences, she could find a way to share her story as a motivational speaker in a hospital, school or church setting that could bring in extra cash – provided of course that Bonnie is comfortable with that. Perhaps also, a root Bonnie could take would be to write a book on the power of positive attitude, perhaps a fiction novel on her life until now in some fashion, or begin a blog that could bring in some passive income for her.
Perhaps also, she could plant a vegetable garden at home that could help offset the costs of food during the summer months, or even rent out some of her green space to someone who wants a garden but has no space of their own (this seems to be getting more popular in Toronto).
I have much to learn from Bonnie!
July 16, 2009 at 1:37 pm
I actually JUST saw something in the newspaper on my way home from work yesterday that was an ad about a Government initiative that could assist Bonnie. I think Gail may have touched on this a few months ago in fact.
I don’t see it in today’s Metro, but there is a grant of some sort that she can apply for – the gvt will provide up to $1000 each year for low income people with disabilities, up to $20,000, or until the person is 49. The gvt will also match contributions, up to $3500, in addition to the $1000.
I’ve searched the web, and found this link, which explains the system:
http://www.hrsdc.gc.ca/eng/disability_issues/disability_savings/cdsbg.shtml
Hopefully, that can help Bonnie – I’m not sure what her age is, or if she can access the Internet to see this information though.
July 18, 2009 at 2:29 pm
Well this just rings so true about most of my marriaged years.
My husband has always had a great job and we managed to live comfortably with my own “Jar” management. I was a part time nurse. When the freeze in wage increases came along with increased taxes, intrerest rates and inflation we were stuck in a rut for 10 years.
We had up to 4 children during these years. My husbands income covered mortagae payments of approximately $700.00 a month and a vehicle payment of $450.00 a month on a fixed take home paycheck of $1100.00 every two weeks. That income was great 10 years before it was frozen by the Conservative Govt. My part time money went for groceries, children’s clothing and variable spoending I think is what Gail calls it. I also picked up a little part time babysitting for before and after school hours during the week. TYhat money I saved in a little spot known only to me along with my monthly “baby bonus” as it was called then of about $120.00 a month. I would save it for an emergency, such as car repairs, furnace and other repairs. My husband covered utilities and we managed to put aside $3000.00 toeventually $5000.00 a year from a direct paycheck withddrawal to cover property taxes and a little left over. He had his RSP deductions from work, I saved my in “Jars” until I was up a $1000.00 and went off to the bank to deposit it into a small RSP. Didn’t happen every year but I did it when I could.
We went out for dinner maybe once a year and with only the two of us so that we were never caught in that “Keeping Up With The Jones” where friends order three appetizers adn the most expensive bottle of wine along with dessert adn liquors. We didn’t go out with couples so that we would be stuck in a situation that we couldn’t afford such as buying rounds of drinks. We had a nice meal with an inexpensive bottle of wine, one appetizer and usually no dessert and it was lovely.
We rented movies instead of spending a 100.00 to go to a show for 2 people. I made pizza instead of ordering. I baked all the goodies instead of buying then. If there was something in particular that I loved at a restuarant, I learned how to make it for a fraction of the cost of going out to a restuarant. I made all the baby food. I washed diapers. I bought only the clothes that were needed but not what I “wanted”. The same went for the kids.
Times are better now and my husband is making a 6 figure salary. Our house is paid off. We own 2 vehicles that we paid cash for. OUr house is in need of many repairs and upgrades that we coulkdn’t affor to do because ot University and College costs for our children. We couldn’t afford to do an education fund for the first 2 but have been able to for that last two.
I am disabled and unable to work.
Now comes the hard part. How do I make my kids more independant. They seem to think that my husband and I are their own personal Green Machines. The two older ones have jobs. One is part time because he is still in College. The 2 of them got themsoelves intoa financial mess that they have come to ask us to bail them out of………….Nothing doing!!!!! My advice to them has gone unheeded. I told them to rip up their credit cards and have their school loans and credit cards consolodated into one afforable monthly payment to free up a littl more cahs….Nothing Doing by them.
They still live at home. Pay us no rent……can’t bleed a stone. They laugh at me when they see my jars. Thats right my jars.
One for pennies, one for knickles, dimes, quaters, loonies and toonies each..I save enough to roll up and every couple of hundren dollars a take them to the bank. You don’t even miss the spare change coming out of the purse and into a jar. They won’t do it. I have to hide my jars because they look for them when the want a few dollars to buy lunch or dinner at work. I deny them that money if they haven’t any because my husband and I always took a brown bag to work.
You see my husband and I are children of power war imigrants. We were taught that you are nothing if you rent. We would be nothing without an education. We wouyld be nothing if we gave into credit and credit cards. The 2 times in our liufe that wee needed credit we went to a bank not a card.
July 18, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Well this just rings so true about most of my marriaged years.
My husband has always had a great job and we managed to live comfortably with my own “Jar” management. I was a part time nurse. When the freeze in wage increases came along with increased taxes, intrerest rates and inflation we were stuck in a rut for 10 years.
We had up to 4 children during these years. My husbands income covered mortagae payments of approximately $700.00 a month and a vehicle payment of $450.00 a month on a fixed take home paycheck of $1100.00 every two weeks. That income was great 10 years before it was frozen by the Conservative Govt. My part time money went for groceries, children’s clothing and variable spoending I think is what Gail calls it. I also picked up a little part time babysitting for before and after school hours during the week. TYhat money I saved in a little spot known only to me along with my monthly “baby bonus” as it was called then of about $120.00 a month. I would save it for an emergency, such as car repairs, furnace and other repairs. My husband covered utilities and we managed to put aside $3000.00 toeventually $5000.00 a year from a direct paycheck withddrawal to cover property taxes and a little left over. He had his RSP deductions from work, I saved my in “Jars” until I was up a $1000.00 and went off to the bank to deposit it into a small RSP. Didn’t happen every year but I did it when I could.
We went out for dinner maybe once a year and with only the two of us so that we were never caught in that “Keeping Up With The Jones” where friends order three appetizers adn the most expensive bottle of wine along with dessert adn liquors. We didn’t go out with couples so that we would be stuck in a situation that we couldn’t afford such as buying rounds of drinks. We had a nice meal with an inexpensive bottle of wine, one appetizer and usually no dessert and it was lovely.
We rented movies instead of spending a 100.00 to go to a show for 2 people. I made pizza instead of ordering. I baked all the goodies instead of buying then. If there was something in particular that I loved at a restuarant, I learned how to make it for a fraction of the cost of going out to a restuarant. I made all the baby food. I washed diapers. I bought only the clothes that were needed but not what I “wanted”. The same went for the kids.
Times are better now and my husband is making a 6 figure salary. Our house is paid off. We own 2 vehicles that we paid cash for. OUr house is in need of many repairs and upgrades that we coulkdn’t affor to do because ot University and College costs for our children. We couldn’t afford to do an education fund for the first 2 but have been able to for that last two.
I am disabled and unable to work.
Now comes the hard part. How do I make my kids more independant. They seem to think that my husband and I are their own personal Green Machines. The two older ones have jobs. One is part time because he is still in College. The 2 of them got themsoelves intoa financial mess that they have come to ask us to bail them out of………….Nothing doing!!!!! My advice to them has gone unheeded. I told them to rip up their credit cards and have their school loans and credit cards consolodated into one afforable monthly payment to free up a littl more cahs….Nothing Doing by them.
They still live at home. Pay us no rent……can’t bleed a stone. They laugh at me when they see my jars. Thats right my jars.
One for pennies, one for knickles, dimes, quaters, loonies and toonies each..I save enough to roll up and every couple of hundren dollars a take them to the bank. You don’t even miss the spare change coming out of the purse and into a jar. They won’t do it. I have to hide my jars because they look for them when the want a few dollars to buy lunch or dinner at work. I deny them that money if they haven’t any because my husband and I always took a brown bag to work. We have never been short of food.
You see my husband and I are children of power war imigrants. We were taught that you are nothing if you rent. We would be nothing without an education. We would be nothing if we gave into credit and credit cards. The 2 times in our liufe that wee needed credit we went to a bank not a card.
Gail, if you manage to read this all, have you any words of advice on how to keep my freeloading children off my back for money……………there are some weeks that they are asking me to bnail them out of up to $500.00 in “emergency funds”. I say no for themost part depending on the emergency. If it means that they lose an ability to go to work or school I cave because I don’t want them to be uneducated and freeloading off of us for the rest of their lives? These are our golden years…..
July 22, 2009 at 2:28 pm
Cora, this is going to be difficult for you because you are obviously a loving person that really cares about her kids. But the answer to “how do I make my kids independent?” is simple: stop helping them be dependent. (it is simple but it is not easy)
Explain to them that they are now adults and must pay their own way. Give them a deadline to move out. Say, Labour Day. You can help them out with the first month’s rent, if it gets them out the door. After that, you must close your wallet and possibly change the locks at home. No more money, for ANY reason.
And they will cry, they will wine, they will say you don’t love them. But they are wrong. Keep repeating to them that you love them, that money is not love and that they are capable of doing this themselves. This is the BEST thing you could possibly do for them. This is the only way that your adult children will grow to be responsible for themselves.
You have been very noble in the sacrifices you have made for their education. You have done your best. But now the hard part, for their own good and especially for yours, you must let them go. don’t worry, they will come back and thank you (~some day). I heard a wise person say that raising kids involves giving them both roots and wings – and the hard part is always the wings.
I would also say, that this does not apply to the college student – until he/she graduates from college.
Good luck.
July 24, 2009 at 11:08 pm
Cora – I have to agree with Lexi –
I am 27 and was raised in a low income home – I paid my own way through university working up to 4 part-time jobs at times to fund tuition, books and life (and occasional fun too) that wasn’t covered by student loans. My mother is on disability and so I also contributed to groceries and household expenses. While I now am striving to pay off my loans (ARG!) and find this somewhat discouraging at times, I find that I value each dollar of that loan balance because that loan could have been so much higher had I not worked as hard. And I feel validated that I accomplished that myself and it makes me confident that I can take the lumps of life head on.
My husband on the other hand is 31 and is, I’m learning, a financial ostrich. His parents have often ‘come to his rescue’ and I don’t think he’s really ever had to deal with the consequences of his financial decisions. On occasion he still runs home to his mom in a tight spot which is of course infuriating to me!
I truly think that the only thing you are giving your children when you ‘cave’ to their repeated ‘emergencies’ and ‘please,please,pleases” is a sense of entitlement. This is not a life lesson that will serve them well. The world doesn’t owe any of us anything…and life constantly reminds us of that fact.
I think it is however important that they know that once they are showing that they are responsible and God forbid something unforseen happens, they would still have your support and guidance…despite my mom’s limited finances,she has always provided me with the feeling of a safety net…
I wish you luck!!
August 23, 2009 at 1:16 am
Bonnie find your local library for the internet and delve into the world of information available at the library. Internet books dvds cds magazines all available I would be lost without the library.