Giving Care — Part 2
Posted by Gail | Filed under Money & Family
While you may feel no one understands the stress you’re feeling as you’re pulled in different directions by your job, your family, and the person for whom you are caring take heart. You’re not alone. Statistics show that:
- 57% of caregivers go to work late, leave early or take time off for caregiving
- 17% take a leave of absence, and
- 10% switched from full-time to part-time work schedule
Caring for a loved one often means balancing home and work with your caregiving challenge. Being upfront with your employer about your caregiving obligations and creating alternative work arrangements can help reduce your stress. Some people cope by choosing:
- A Compressed Workweek: Four 10-hour days, three 12-hour days, or working a combination of half and full days.
- A Flexible Work Schedule: Starting and leaving work earlier or later.
- Reduced hours: Negotiating fewer hours for less pay.
- Part-time: Significantly reducing your work schedule.
- Job Sharing: Part-time employment in which two or more people “share” a particular job, each assuming specific responsibilities and work hours
- Telecommuting: Working from home at least one day a week.
If you take on the role of caregiver, you’ll need to be vigilant about also caring for yourself. That means watching carefully for caregiver burnout. According to the Health Canada Caregiver Profile, 70% of primary caregivers say that providing care has been stressful. Of those, 77% say caregiving has created emotional difficulties for them. If you feel that you can no longer cope or that your own health is deteriorating, you may be suffering from caregiver burnout.
- Do you forget to take time for yourself?
- Have you given up hobbies or regular activities?
- Do you see less of family and friends?
- Do you often feel tired?
- Are you getting sick more often?
- Are you gaining or losing weight unintentionally?
- Are you experiencing back pain or headaches?
- Do you have outbursts of anger or tears?
- Are you worried about having enough money to pay for caregiving and other needs?
- Do you feel you don’t have the knowledge or experience to provide proper care?
If you said “yes” or “maybe” to more than two of these questions, it’s time to ask for help. Most people don’t realize how stressful caregiving is. There is so much wear and tear: guilt, anger, frustration; most people don’t recognizing that all these feelings are normal. They are not signs of personal failure. To avoid burnout:
Get as much information about your care-recipient’s condition as you can. Not knowing what’s going on is a stressor.
Reduce your sense of isolation. Find people to talk to: friends, family, a small group. Don’t ignore the obvious like your family doctor. They not only need to know what you’re going through, they may be able to provide useful referrals to a variety of resources. Join a support group. Just being able to share their experiences and expertise will help Internet chat groups work for people who can’t get to meetings.
Ask for help and delegate. Respite is an important to your health and emotional well-being. Caregivers get burnt out if there’s no relief. And don’t let anyone tell you how to spell relief. Relief can only be defined by what you need. Hospital social workers can let you know what you’re eligible for and connect you with resources in the community. And don’t forget about family service centres, the public health nurse, and your corporate human resources department, or employee assistance program. Join a caregiver organization or support group.
July 14, 2009 at 8:18 am
I have been living the role of “caregiver” for many many years…our eldest son is severly autistic our youngest son has tuberousscelrosis (that’s a neurological disorder as well but thankfully he doesn’t have any developmental delays) and my husband has severe PTS with recurring bouts of pancreatitis…hubby is home full time and I work full time…(this change just came about in 2007 when he could no longer work…up until then it was the other way around)…just recently I condesed my full time work week into 4 days so I could have Wednesdays off…I love it…the longer days aren’t really a big deal but the extra day off is…also, my husband and I decided a long time ago to just make our lives as simple as possible…if we can’t make a social function we don’t go…doesn’t matter what it is…we’ve changed our whole enviroment to make our boys’ lives as comfortable as possible…we’ve eliminated all the unnecessary stressors…i.e. social functions, we drive the boys to school instead of bussing them…we pick our battles very carefully…if it’s not life threatening it’s not worth the stress…we have alot of ups and downs…alot of bad days as opposed to good but we hang in there…over 21 years of marriage has made us stronger and capable of doing whatever it takes…I am the leader of the family, the rock and the support for all of my men….I get it from my 76 year old mother who is still my support and rock!!…over the years we have taken advantage of many services, support groups, classes, organizations etc…all have been a good resource and support…we got a little more strength from each one…there is alot out there but it can be difficult to locate….(most things we just found out about by hook and by crook…now the information is alot easier to come by)…the best thing is to get out the phone book and just start making calls to all the agencies listed whether they are social, medical, government whatever…some will be a help and some won’t be right for you and some will refer you to other places, but make the calls and ask for help…we all need help now and then and there’s nothing wrong with that…it’s just another means of taking care..
July 14, 2009 at 8:58 am
I personally have not lived the role of complete caregiver….yet but this is on my mind constantly as my parents are aging and it seems there is a new medical test to be done every year that shows that they truly are getting older every year and they are stubborn too which I know will make it worse when the time comes. I like to think and plan for the future so I have brought up various caregiver issues and have asked about how they are doing financially and physically and what decisions they would like made in the future for themselves so I can understand their needs and wants better but they refuse to think about or even go there with me…we are all getting older and I recognize this at 30…how do I get my parents who are 65-70 years old to realize this too and to try and help them start the planning process now when they are in denial?
July 14, 2009 at 11:00 am
I’d like to echo what Gail has to say here-Take care of yourself! I totally get that it’s not that simple, but it has to be a priority, or you can’t continue to be well as a caregiver. A lot of research (including my own dissertation) demonstrates that caregivers (in this case of those with dementia) had worse physical health and mental health outcomes than non-caregivers of similar demographics. The stress WILL take a toll in one way or another, and and Gail’s suggestions are bang on perfect.
July 14, 2009 at 11:02 am
One other thing-if your company has an EAP (employee assistance program/plan) they sometimes have consultants that can provide support for childcare/eldercare issues or counselors that can provide the caregiver some emotional support. These are completely confidential from your employer/HR and are part of your benefits package. Worth looking into, as they are of no cost to you, and finances can certainly be a major stressor when caregiving.
July 14, 2009 at 12:18 pm
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July 14, 2009 at 1:23 pm
Sparky,
You certainly deserve your nickname!!
I cannot imagine your life.
My hat is off to you and your husband for making it through all your struggles and barriers together successfully.
Your philosophy of picking your battles and limiting stressors is perfect for not only caregivers, but those high maintenance families that complain they don’t have a minute to themselves.
Good luck and good health to your family.
July 14, 2009 at 3:54 pm
[...] Giving Care — Part 2 « gailvazoxlade.com [...]
July 14, 2009 at 7:42 pm
I can speak from personally experience with private employers, they don’t rank children caring for their parents as high as parents and children. My former employer learnt the hard way that denying me time off to assist my mother whom I live with when she was injured was a violation with EI and the Ontario Human Righs Commission.
Employers need to realize that people are caring for aging parents, and not all of us are 40,50 or 60. I’m in my 30s and have been doing this since i was 20.
July 14, 2009 at 8:07 pm
Okay, I had to laugh at the list…. ever since having my own children I could easily answer yes to almost ALL of those questions! I imagine taking care of my Mother in law (with MS) will only compound the anxiety. Even 12 years into this parenting thing, I keep wondering if it ever gets easier? My MIL is so kind she always says that she knows I am doing a good job parenting because I care about whether I am doing a good enough job. If only I believed it was that easy! Having a learning disabled kid that is also very BRIGHT (not a paradox, just ask anyone with one at home) is not an easy gig, but it’s never boring either!
July 14, 2009 at 8:36 pm
Caregiving, and our aging population in general, is the big elephant in the room in national politics and policy. Meeting the challenge of caring for the Baby Boomer generation will be significant.
July 14, 2009 at 9:13 pm
Gail, I work for a charitable organization that provides day programs for seniors affected by dementia; in fact, one of our staff members was hired specifically to give support to their caregivers, and I’ll be directing her to this website to look at these excellent posts. One question: given that many of our caregivers are seniors, and do not access the internet would it be possible to print these out (with attribution, naturally) to distribute to them? One thing I like particularly is that your posts, while comprehensive, are short enough and clear enough to be quickly read and understood by someone who is almost too exhausted to function.
Thanks for your wisdom!
July 14, 2009 at 10:44 pm
My sisters and I cared for my Mom who had ALS ( Lou Gehrigs Disease) and my father who was diagnosed with Colon cancer around the same time. It was a very difficult time. My sisters and i took care of them around the clock and shared the responsibilities. Who new that at such an early age we were in our mid to late twenty’s that we would carry this emotional weight, and end uplosing both our parents in less then two years time. Although it was difficult and it meant a sacrifice for the time being with respect to our jobs, education and social life. We would never trade the opportunity we had to serve and take care of them. Honestly, only God knows how many days you have on this earth so although it may be hard to remeber at the time life is full of seasons. Enjoy each season to the fullest because they do not last forever.
July 15, 2009 at 4:19 am
Kroozle, please do use them in any way you think will help. g
July 15, 2009 at 1:17 pm
Thank you so much, Gail – they’ll be a wonderful resource!
July 21, 2009 at 7:27 pm
When I read the caregiver burnout list I immediately thought of a friend who is impoverishing herself over a sick cat. She’s has no husband or children and nobody will be supporting her financially should she get sick. If anyone has any suggestions on how to talk to her about financial choices that would be great.
Friend of the Cat Lady
September 8, 2009 at 1:09 pm
My son is affected with tuberous scelrosis aged 20. Where do I get information about giving him better care and comfort.
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