Rich is as Rich Does
Posted by Gail | Filed under Life Lessons
I’ve just worked with a family that needs to de-stress regularly. As the caregivers to a young lad with fetal alcohol syndrome, he’s on duty (for which he is paid) 24/7 with every second weekend and Wednesday evenings off. She has a full time and a part time job, but when she comes home she can’t just kick back and enjoy her mate because he may still be “on duty.” Sure, he could just find another job, but that’s not what they want to do right now since they have a bucket-load of student debt and this is a great way to get it paid off. So the questions then become:
- “How do you have a rich life when you’re working with limited financial resources?” and
- “How do you keep your energy high so you can get to the end without burning out?”
Setting a goal to become debt free – or whatever else it may be that you’re trying to achieve — and then doing everything you can to bring that goal to fruition can be both satisfying and daunting. While the money to par-tay may be in short supply while you work towards your goal, that doesn’t mean you should have No Life. Figuring out what will make your life feel rich and full is the key.
So what do you do, what do you need, to make you feel like your life is rich?
It’s the small things, y’know. Alex’s boyfriend cleaned my car from stem to gudgeon and for days after, every time I got in, I felt like I was driving a new car. And whenever I buy the pieces I need to build a new cactus garden or six, I feel I am blessed with bounty. Having good food in my house, and cooking up something new and delicious, also leaves me feeling rich.
Sometimes we get so caught up in the day-to-day striving to get to where we want to be next, that we don’t take time to think about how we’re feeling, and whether those feelings are encouraging us or eroding our motivation. When I first moved into my new house, I had to spend so much money pulling rabbits out of hats that I went deeply into “conserve” mode. When I realized that I wasn’t having any fun, I gave myself a quick pep-talk, and out I went to buy the supplies for a round of cactus-garden building. This was how I would thank the friends who had helped me pull those rabbits out of hats, and have some fun too!
It’s all very well and good to have a goal, but if all you think about is the achievement of that goal to the exclusion of all your other needs (and those of your friends and family), you may be setting yourself up to be bloody miserable the whole way. In the name of balance, there must be some joy. And in the name of achieving milestones, there must be some reward.
Learning to take the time to breath in a world full of gotta-get-it-done’s can make the difference between becoming frustrated and burnt-out, and having the energy to keep going.
So what do you do to re-energize yourself, to reward yourself, to keep feeling rich?
BTW: I know they weather man is calling for rain on Saturday, but Saver Queen and I have talked about it and we’re going to show up to the Picnic in High Park come hell or high water! Here are the details:
WHEN: Saturday, July 11. We will have the site from 10AM to 6PM. SQ suggests that we meet at 12 Noon
WHERE: High Park, in Toronto, site #26 (the covered picnic area) off of High Park Blvd. Here is the map of the park – SQ picked a site that is right near washrooms and has easy access to the street.
BRING: Whatever you would like to share to eat/drink. It’s a pot-luck. I think I’m doing a veggie pesto pasta salad. (No alcohol is allowed.)
See y’all on Saturday!
July 9, 2009 at 6:49 am
I’m with you Gail. Gardening and good home cooked meals are fantastic ways to wind down, relax, maybe while I enjoy a good glass of wine while picking weeds and watching my tomatoes grow. It helps put things in perspective and just catch my breath. My youngest is a go-go-go kinda child, so this Summer I decided to stop the Summer camps for the year and let her and her older brother have a Summer like I had when I was growing up. Nothing to do in the house? Get out and go for a bike ride? No friends calling? Call them up and meet at the park. Nothing to do cause it’s raining? Grab a book, watch a fun movie, whatever it takes to entertain yourself.
Sure they have the luxury of being ‘bored’ some of the moments so far, but I think they need to know what it means to just chill out before they have to join the rat-race of adulthood!
Enjoy the cacti Gail! Maybe my kids can detail MY car when I get home from work this afternoon…that’s a cure for boredom for sure!
July 9, 2009 at 8:46 am
About six months ago or a little more, we finished up a stint taking care of three kids with FAS – not an easy job, but it all worked out in the end – we learned great coping strategies, we sheltered little kids who needed a home, and although the pay was low, the extra income not only helped the kids but helped us too. It was pretty much win-win, although we were very burnt out and have appreciated the break. The sad part for us was knowing that our kids’ problems had been completely preventable, and until medical research advances far enough, there’s no real treatment for this permanent condition. Many children have it because even some doctors think that drinking moderately during pregnancy is okay, and it might not be physcially apparent that the child has brain damage, so they will be treated badly throughout their lives because of behaviour that is out of their conscious control. Yes, it’s frustrating dealing with someone who doesn’t understand that this behaviour causes that consequence/reaction EVERY TIME, but they really need all the patience and love everybody can pour on them. They’ll never get really better, and will need lifelong care (somebody to be their “external brain”, as one mom I know put it) in order to not fall into the same destructive cycle. One of the things that made me feel rich during our time with our kids was knowing that bedtime was coming, and tomorrow would be a brand-sparkling new day where I might see a little bit of progress, or if it was a really good day, that the neurons might fire just right and we could have a fabulous family day. We were also able to do things with the kids that we might not have been able to do without the extra income, and it was a great feeling to know we gave them lots of their “firsts” that they might not otherwise have gotten.
July 9, 2009 at 8:47 am
If I am not working on a Sunday, a leisurely breakfast on our deck is the order of the day.
I make waffles or croissants and cheese, we take the weekend paper and head out to our deck.
Nice music plays through the door, we listen to the pond and the birds , we admire the flowers and we feel like we are rich.
It helps us appreciate how much work we have done to our home since moving in and it helps us connect as a couple. I am very certain my husband LOVES it when I read weird things to him from the news, yep I’m sure of that.
It is one of my favorite things.
ps. Hey I wanna go to the picnic…can you head out to BC?
July 9, 2009 at 9:02 am
I’ve always said that it doesn’t take a lot to make me happy, which means I’m happy pretty often! Makes life a lot more fun to savour the little things I figure.
I’m very happy about the picnic on Saturday-glad to hear you’ll be there regardless of weather. We’re driving in from London-I’ve had the day marked on my calendar for months!
July 9, 2009 at 9:20 am
I live on the 9th floor of my condo building with an unobstructed view of the Niagara Escarpment…I sit on my balcony and watch the birds go by.
As long as I have a roof over my head, food in my fridge and my health…boy, am I rich!!
Thanks Gail, for this post.
July 9, 2009 at 9:24 am
Most definitely that I can live on $700/month for basic living — rent, utils, food.. in a VERY nice area in a big city (Montreal).
Am also debt free. So that makes it feel great.
I also have the view of the city from my wonderfully spacious studio apartment (we don’t have much furniture, therefore less clutter means a bigger home).
We’re close to the bridges to get downtown and biking trails around the little mini forest we have.
It’s really the best place to live in Montreal, for cheap.
July 9, 2009 at 9:47 am
I live in Calgary and the weather men can never get it right. I wish I could sit on my deck on Sunday morning, but I’m waiting for the rain to pass so I can put a second coat on the deck and move all the furniture back.
Diana – I envy you, but I won’t once I get that second coat done! I’ll be reading the paper on my deck too! (hopefully)
July 9, 2009 at 11:51 am
For me simple life pleasures along the road to becoming debt-free, include:
- pot luck dinners with good friends
- going on an economical holiday by transporting myself into a relaxed state through art-making of any type (painting, crafts, baking, etc)
- reading a good book (usually from the library or via Goodwill/Garage Sales)
- cuddling with my husband
July 9, 2009 at 12:18 pm
I’m feeling melancholy today… I’m tired of feeling broke. We were on target to have all of our CC debt gone at the end of June but I misjudged the payout on the work savings plan (didn’t anticipate the taxes) and that means it will be the end of August.
Talk about being too focused… that would be me. I should be happy that there is only 2k left (we started at 30 k) but I had a goal, didn’t make it and now I’m feeling down about it. I wanted it to be over so we could have a bit extra fun money this summer and maybe I could go out and buy a golf set. I don’t feel right about buying a $600 want when I haven’t finished paying for the wants that I bought a year or more ago.
Reading everyones blog and Gails post has cheered me up. I love having good friends over and I love being creative with food. So I’m going to do a bit of recipe research tonight, invite some friends over on the wekeend and look forward to both aspects of it, friends and creativity! And I’ll stop beating myself up for not meeting my goal.
Thanks everyone
July 9, 2009 at 12:24 pm
I love to get together with friends at “Five”Bucks for a Chai Latte. I always use my entertainment money for that purpose, I’ll skip pretty much any other entertainment to have room in my budget for it. I usually go once a week, its great to have that time with my friends. I also enjoying going to the local dog park with my beautiful dog and see her really enjoy herself and I get to get together with friends I’ve meet from the years of going there. The occasional breakfast out is always a great one too. Life is good!
July 9, 2009 at 2:39 pm
Having a stocked larder out of which I can bake or cook any number of lovely meals is definitely a “rich” feeling for me too!
I don’t have a deck so I feel rich when I take a blanket out to a nearby park, put it down under a lovely shady tree and enjoy a relaxing time with my boyfriend over lattes or our favourite magazine, Dwell.
Going for $3.50 lattes every day stopped making them seem special so I only indulge once in a while now and they feel special again.
It’s the simple pleasures that add up.
July 9, 2009 at 3:10 pm
I am focussing on space right now. My house is as big as it ever was, but somehow there seems to be less space, every week there is more STUFF and it is suffocating.
My office and laundryroom are the worst. So I read some simplicity blogs that motivate me to take action, then I set my mind that if I don’t love it or use it then its outta here…. THEN I walk up to my clutter zones and freeze. Everything piled high in these areas seems useful and worthwhile, except that there is TOO MUCH!!!
I get burnt out before I even clear one box load.
The art of saving money and being frugal comes so much easier than de-cluttering to me….. I can control the $$ numbers going in and out okay, they are fluid and therefore workable. BUT the STUFF is solid, the space is finite, it is so HARD….. I am slowly getting better.
July 9, 2009 at 3:11 pm
PS, a full pantry and a fantastic home cooked meal make me feel rich too!
July 9, 2009 at 6:08 pm
At this time of the year spending time in my garden makes me feel rich. For one thing, I have a garden, which means I have land. For another, all the bounty of the summer garden amazes me. The produce you get for little effort just overflows, it makes me happy. And nothing tastes better than freshly picked food, no matter how much money you have. You just can’t beat a carrot plucked from the earth.
July 9, 2009 at 6:43 pm
Gardening is one of my favourite things to unwind with…but I have also found the last few weeks that decluttering my life has been the most rewarding…I am a consumate packrat of the worst kind…I finally realized that this was affecting my ability to enjoy life. So to *pol…take ONE box at a time in your clutter zone, set your timer for 15 minutes and then when the timer goes off, you are done with that area. Do the same thing every day for a couple of weeks, once you do, you will find that you want to do it longer. I am half done a VERY cluttered basement and have given 65 boxes (YES that many!) to charity. That in itself has been very rewarding and has helped with the richness and fullness of good in my life. I will probably have another 30 or so boxes by the time I am done, but I know, that I will be decluttered, I won’t be blowing my budget anymore to get more “stuff” because I don’t want the clutter to come back. I also realize that stuff doesn’t make a person, it just makes a person broke!
July 9, 2009 at 8:45 pm
i was hoping to make the picnic on saturday, but can’t afterall, have a wonderful time!
July 9, 2009 at 11:03 pm
Christy, don’t be so hard on yourself. Did you ever think there would be a time when you only had 2 months left to pay?
You have worked really hard, congratulations and be proud!!
July 12, 2009 at 1:26 pm
Darn, I’m reading this on Sunday! Would have loved to go to the picnic!