Comments on: Perspective is a Funny Thing http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/731 Thu, 09 Feb 2012 11:17:54 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Mountain Girl http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/731/comment-page-1#comment-13934 Mountain Girl Sun, 28 Jun 2009 16:12:42 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=731#comment-13934 I echo those here who have suggested that we in the western world just don't have problems. You want a change in perspective that will take your breath away? Go to any country in Africa and see what life is like for the average person there. This is an exercise I do with myself whenever I am feeling discontent or anxious over life. One quick memory of the people I met in Kenya and Tanzania and the sort of things that they face and I am quickly embarrassed by my own riches. Compared to most of the world, my problems now are so minor they don't even qualify as problems! I know that job losses and things like that are nothing to laugh away, but in many parts of the world, the recession has meant a massive increase in food prices and actual starvation for some people. It's just not in the same league. That global shift in perspective does two things for me. It reminds me to be very very grateful for the life I have. And it reminds me to look at the bigger picture and realize that obsessing about houses and cars is such a waste of my time. That I have a lot more to give the world than that. That usually energizes me into something more productive. I also wanted to say that I too had an absolutely golden childhood without a single trip to Disneyland. My summers were filled with camping, mountain climbing, swimming in alpine lakes, and playing outside. I have a sense of privilege about that, not a sense of deprivation about Disneyland. Why would I ever waste money on a commercial, pre-packaged, overpriced experience like Disney when I live in one of the most beautiful places on the planet and can literally step out my backdoor and enjoy nature that others will come across the world to see? I echo those here who have suggested that we in the western world just don’t have problems. You want a change in perspective that will take your breath away? Go to any country in Africa and see what life is like for the average person there.
This is an exercise I do with myself whenever I am feeling discontent or anxious over life. One quick memory of the people I met in Kenya and Tanzania and the sort of things that they face and I am quickly embarrassed by my own riches. Compared to most of the world, my problems now are so minor they don’t even qualify as problems!
I know that job losses and things like that are nothing to laugh away, but in many parts of the world, the recession has meant a massive increase in food prices and actual starvation for some people. It’s just not in the same league.
That global shift in perspective does two things for me. It reminds me to be very very grateful for the life I have. And it reminds me to look at the bigger picture and realize that obsessing about houses and cars is such a waste of my time. That I have a lot more to give the world than that. That usually energizes me into something more productive.
I also wanted to say that I too had an absolutely golden childhood without a single trip to Disneyland. My summers were filled with camping, mountain climbing, swimming in alpine lakes, and playing outside. I have a sense of privilege about that, not a sense of deprivation about Disneyland. Why would I ever waste money on a commercial, pre-packaged, overpriced experience like Disney when I live in one of the most beautiful places on the planet and can literally step out my backdoor and enjoy nature that others will come across the world to see?

]]> By: Louise http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/731/comment-page-1#comment-13928 Louise Sun, 28 Jun 2009 13:47:19 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=731#comment-13928 Dear Catherine, Thanks for sharing the Regina Brett pearls of wisdom - they are very wise indeed! Dear Catherine,

Thanks for sharing the Regina Brett pearls of wisdom – they are very wise indeed!

]]> By: Angela http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/731/comment-page-1#comment-13818 Angela Sat, 27 Jun 2009 05:01:48 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=731#comment-13818 Being a post graduate from a psychology course the optical Illusions are not so fun anymore, anywho Gail definately uses them to create a great analogy. The thing is no matter where we are in life or weather we want to or not, we will compare our lives to that of others. I find myself doing it all the time. But the key is I am happy with my life. Sure it would be great to own my own home, have brand new cars, Have the top of the line clothes for my kids as well as top of the line furniture for my house. I grew up with little money so I really had no idea what I was missing. On the whole i turned ut to be quite a content person. Do I want better for my family? Of course I do, but im not letting myself get further in debt for the appearance of Being well off. Being a post graduate from a psychology course the optical Illusions are not so fun anymore, anywho Gail definately uses them to create a great analogy.

The thing is no matter where we are in life or weather we want to or not, we will compare our lives to that of others. I find myself doing it all the time. But the key is I am happy with my life. Sure it would be great to own my own home, have brand new cars, Have the top of the line clothes for my kids as well as top of the line furniture for my house.

I grew up with little money so I really had no idea what I was missing. On the whole i turned ut to be quite a content person. Do I want better for my family? Of course I do, but im not letting myself get further in debt for the appearance of Being well off.

]]> By: Terrie http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/731/comment-page-1#comment-13806 Terrie Sat, 27 Jun 2009 00:36:00 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=731#comment-13806 Love the post Gai;l, but how come you are not on the top money blogs? You should be! Love the post Gai;l, but how come you are not on the top money blogs? You should be!

]]> By: Catherine http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/731/comment-page-1#comment-13803 Catherine Sat, 27 Jun 2009 00:07:48 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=731#comment-13803 Received this in the mail today. There are 43 pearls of wisdom. It was compiled by 90 year old Regina Brett and submitted to a Cleveland, Ohio newspaper. Hope you don't mind my sharing a few.... 1 . Life isn't fair, but it's still good. 2. When in doubt, just take the next small step. 5. Pay off your credit cards every month. 9. Save for your retirement with your first paycheck. 13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about. 17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful. 22. Over prepare, then go with the flow. 25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words "in five years will this matter!" 34. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now. 36. Your children get only one childhood. 39. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back. 40. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need. 41. The best is yet to come. Received this in the mail today. There are 43 pearls of wisdom. It was compiled by 90 year old Regina Brett and submitted to a Cleveland, Ohio newspaper. Hope you don’t mind my sharing a few….

1 . Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
9. Save for your retirement with your first paycheck.
13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their
journey is all about.
17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words “in five years
will this matter!”
34. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Your children get only one childhood.
39. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d
grab ours back.
40. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
41. The best is yet to come.

]]> By: Suzanne http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/731/comment-page-1#comment-13797 Suzanne Fri, 26 Jun 2009 22:16:42 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=731#comment-13797 Rachel, thanks for the info, always appreciate first hand information on sites we intend to visit. My mom (74) has always wanted to go, so I told her to start saving for next summer. That's the goal.... Rachel, thanks for the info, always appreciate first hand information on sites we intend to visit. My mom (74) has always wanted to go, so I told her to start saving for next summer. That’s the goal….

]]> By: Jenna http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/731/comment-page-1#comment-13793 Jenna Fri, 26 Jun 2009 19:47:03 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=731#comment-13793 I agree: M, I don't think you're doing anything wrong!! I actually think it's far more likely your friend who's taking her kid to Disneyworld is doing things wrong by spending more than she can afford! That said, maybe her friend just has some generous relatives who give her money regularly to supplement her income (which makes her income actually higher than yours), and that's how she's been able to afford the Disneyworld trips. We never really have the whole picture, do we? And like my parents always told me, "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence." Maybe on the other side of that fence there is a trust fund that seems great but that came with a major family battle because someone else didn't get that. Maybe on the other side of the fence there's a larger income, but it came at the expense of a marriage... I agree: M, I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong!! I actually think it’s far more likely your friend who’s taking her kid to Disneyworld is doing things wrong by spending more than she can afford! That said, maybe her friend just has some generous relatives who give her money regularly to supplement her income (which makes her income actually higher than yours), and that’s how she’s been able to afford the Disneyworld trips. We never really have the whole picture, do we?

And like my parents always told me, “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.” Maybe on the other side of that fence there is a trust fund that seems great but that came with a major family battle because someone else didn’t get that. Maybe on the other side of the fence there’s a larger income, but it came at the expense of a marriage…

]]> By: Sloane http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/731/comment-page-1#comment-13791 Sloane Fri, 26 Jun 2009 19:23:50 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=731#comment-13791 I get what you're saying Gail, and I sometimes look at other people and I think "Wha? How is that possible?" But then I think, some of our other friends may look at what WE have, (nice new house, 2 cars, new furniture and appliances and at least one vacation a year) and they must wonder how WE do it, and I realize I don't know everything about their situations, so I can't possibly judge. From the conclusions that most of the other commenters make about people they know, I gather a lot of our friends must think we are in major debt. I'm here to tell you that it's not always the case. We made modest to okay incomes, but we've also done well on investments. The only debt we have is a relatively small mortgage. So, it can be done. Just because people have a lot of nice stuff doesn't mean they're stupid with their money and are swimming in debt. Just thought I'd throw that out there. I get what you’re saying Gail, and I sometimes look at other people and I think “Wha? How is that possible?” But then I think, some of our other friends may look at what WE have, (nice new house, 2 cars, new furniture and appliances and at least one vacation a year) and they must wonder how WE do it, and I realize I don’t know everything about their situations, so I can’t possibly judge.

From the conclusions that most of the other commenters make about people they know, I gather a lot of our friends must think we are in major debt. I’m here to tell you that it’s not always the case. We made modest to okay incomes, but we’ve also done well on investments. The only debt we have is a relatively small mortgage. So, it can be done. Just because people have a lot of nice stuff doesn’t mean they’re stupid with their money and are swimming in debt. Just thought I’d throw that out there.

]]> By: *pol http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/731/comment-page-1#comment-13786 *pol Fri, 26 Jun 2009 17:57:54 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=731#comment-13786 Timely post, as usual, Gail. I met one of my dearest friends last night for coffee, she had to get some important crap sorted out RIGHT NOW or she felt like she was going to lose her mind! You see, her and her husband/family have been going through some terribly rough stuff lately, job loses, car troubles, family healthy issues, it seemed to go from bad to worse. She had to take a job that is a hellish 2 hour commute, and it is a soul-sucking "complaints department" job. She feels like she is beaten battered and torn after every day and by the time she gets home in the evening she is too exhausted to appreciate being there, and it's taking a toll on her family. After 3 months of searching, her husband is working a fairly low paying job (because it's better than nothing) --- should have finished school! --- and even though he feels inadequate about his paycheques, he is doing a good job at very meaningful work and is happy. So after much serious thought, my friend has decided to quit the terrible job. A bold move considering they are barely squeaking by on both incomes. She says they will find a way, they HAVE to find a way because the job is killing her (she can not keep body and soul together if she stays with it). She said the key to her decision was in really looking at what was IMPORTANT to their family instead of comparing her life to what other's expectations are. SHE CHANGED HER PERSPECTIVE! So they will be dropping to one car, cutting out things like weekend beer and the cell phone, and generally tightening up while they find something that is more in tune with their family needs.... Timely post, as usual, Gail.

I met one of my dearest friends last night for coffee, she had to get some important crap sorted out RIGHT NOW or she felt like she was going to lose her mind! You see, her and her husband/family have been going through some terribly rough stuff lately, job loses, car troubles, family healthy issues, it seemed to go from bad to worse. She had to take a job that is a hellish 2 hour commute, and it is a soul-sucking “complaints department” job. She feels like she is beaten battered and torn after every day and by the time she gets home in the evening she is too exhausted to appreciate being there, and it’s taking a toll on her family. After 3 months of searching, her husband is working a fairly low paying job (because it’s better than nothing) — should have finished school! — and even though he feels inadequate about his paycheques, he is doing a good job at very meaningful work and is happy. So after much serious thought, my friend has decided to quit the terrible job. A bold move considering they are barely squeaking by on both incomes. She says they will find a way, they HAVE to find a way because the job is killing her (she can not keep body and soul together if she stays with it).

She said the key to her decision was in really looking at what was IMPORTANT to their family instead of comparing her life to what other’s expectations are.

SHE CHANGED HER PERSPECTIVE!

So they will be dropping to one car, cutting out things like weekend beer and the cell phone, and generally tightening up while they find something that is more in tune with their family needs….

]]> By: Rachel http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/731/comment-page-1#comment-13785 Rachel Fri, 26 Jun 2009 17:47:37 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=731#comment-13785 Suzanne, If you are going to the Maritimes, next year, and you make it to Nova Scotia and you love camping... you should definetly look up Kejimkujik (kedgi-muh-KOO-jick) National Park and if you want ammenities you should stay at Slapfoot. Its a great place. :) That's where all my best memories are from. Suzanne,

If you are going to the Maritimes, next year, and you make it to Nova Scotia and you love camping… you should definetly look up Kejimkujik (kedgi-muh-KOO-jick) National Park and if you want ammenities you should stay at Slapfoot. Its a great place. :) That’s where all my best memories are from.

]]> By: Suzanne http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/731/comment-page-1#comment-13783 Suzanne Fri, 26 Jun 2009 17:09:52 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=731#comment-13783 Another great post, as usual. M, from one single mom to another, your child will remember the 'together' time, not the stuff you seem to think important because others have 'it'. My sons remember our camping trips, sleeping in the van when it rained too hard to set up, and eating cold 'spam' from the can because there was nothing else handy (to this day, we can't eat that stuff, lol). But it's the memory of three of us crammed into reclining seats with the rain beating on the roof and talking because we couldn't sleep that brings a smile to our faces. Especially theirs, cuz when mom is in a vehicle and it is raining, she ALWAYS has to pee!!! Being unionized, I know that all my co-workers make relatively the same as I do. Most of them have upgraded to newer cars, financed. 90% of them smoke, and 50% of them golf as a hobby. I was lucky enough to pay cash for my van, haven't had a smoke in 25 years, and as my brother says, if he is gonna chase something around the field for a day, he is going to shoot it and eat it!! Being one of the older employees, I have quite a few of my co-workers confide in me, regarding their financial picture, and it makes me very sad. But then they turn around and finance that big screen TV because it is "only $40/month!" Some of them are in too big a hurry to buy a home, to the point of borrowing the down payment from someone, and ending up with a mortgage payment that is double the rent they couldn't afford last month. I expect to hear more horror stories when I get back from my month off (yippee), where my son, our exchange student from France and I are going hiking in the Hoodoos of Dinosaur Provincial Park; cheap camping, lots of sights to see and marvel over. Growing up, holidays meant there was no work to do at the farm! Disneyland, Mexico, or Vegas hold absolutely no pull over me - I would rather go on a driving trip in my own country and see it's sights. Maritimes next year!! Another great post, as usual. M, from one single mom to another, your child will remember the ‘together’ time, not the stuff you seem to think important because others have ‘it’. My sons remember our camping trips, sleeping in the van when it rained too hard to set up, and eating cold ’spam’ from the can because there was nothing else handy (to this day, we can’t eat that stuff, lol). But it’s the memory of three of us crammed into reclining seats with the rain beating on the roof and talking because we couldn’t sleep that brings a smile to our faces. Especially theirs, cuz when mom is in a vehicle and it is raining, she ALWAYS has to pee!!! Being unionized, I know that all my co-workers make relatively the same as I do. Most of them have upgraded to newer cars, financed. 90% of them smoke, and 50% of them golf as a hobby. I was lucky enough to pay cash for my van, haven’t had a smoke in 25 years, and as my brother says, if he is gonna chase something around the field for a day, he is going to shoot it and eat it!! Being one of the older employees, I have quite a few of my co-workers confide in me, regarding their financial picture, and it makes me very sad. But then they turn around and finance that big screen TV because it is “only $40/month!” Some of them are in too big a hurry to buy a home, to the point of borrowing the down payment from someone, and ending up with a mortgage payment that is double the rent they couldn’t afford last month. I expect to hear more horror stories when I get back from my month off (yippee), where my son, our exchange student from France and I are going hiking in the Hoodoos of Dinosaur Provincial Park; cheap camping, lots of sights to see and marvel over. Growing up, holidays meant there was no work to do at the farm! Disneyland, Mexico, or Vegas hold absolutely no pull over me – I would rather go on a driving trip in my own country and see it’s sights. Maritimes next year!!

]]> By: Debbie http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/731/comment-page-1#comment-13777 Debbie Fri, 26 Jun 2009 15:53:12 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=731#comment-13777 Well, I too tend to compare. I'm fortunate most of my friends have the same mindset I do, but co-workers can 'make ' me feel like I should have more. I have a friend who is a missionary in Russia-on her dime, not sponsored, & the conditions over there are so much worse- even for well off professionals. Many people there would envy our modest house & think we are very wealthy. The only thing my friend owns is 1 fourth of a washing machine & her clothes. But.. her passport has been filled..twice.When she comes home for a visit, she looks at all the stuff our western culture has & shakes her head. Mind you, she enjoys the creature comforts we have when she comes here, but doesn't pine for them when she leaves ( for the most part). So, when I get in that envious mood I think there are so many millions of people in the world who would LOVE to trade places with me.And as for my friend..she is the one I envy. Well, I too tend to compare. I’m fortunate most of my friends have the same mindset I do, but co-workers can ‘make ‘ me feel like I should have more. I have a friend who is a missionary in Russia-on her dime, not sponsored, & the conditions over there are so much worse- even for well off professionals. Many people there would envy our modest house & think we are very wealthy. The only thing my friend owns is 1 fourth of a washing machine & her clothes. But.. her passport has been filled..twice.When she comes home for a visit, she looks at all the stuff our western culture has & shakes her head. Mind you, she enjoys the creature comforts we have when she comes here, but doesn’t pine for them when she leaves ( for the most part). So, when I get in that envious mood I think there are so many millions of people in the world who would LOVE to trade places with me.And as for my friend..she is the one I envy.

]]> By: Rachel http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/731/comment-page-1#comment-13776 Rachel Fri, 26 Jun 2009 15:28:19 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=731#comment-13776 "M" - I never went on a "big" family vacation ever when I was a kid but we had the best vacations ever! We would drive to a campground that was about an hour from home and those are honestly the best memories I have to this date. I hope that someday if I have a family of my own I can create the same types of memories for them. I have my moments when I struggle with where I am compared to other ppl but like everyone else, I have to remember where I want to be. My goals aren't their goals. I know that living the "debt-free" live will bring me much more satisfaction (and sleep) then having "things". I hope that in this life I can learn to love unconditionally instead of being envious or constantly trying to fullfill my life with "things". Mikey - Great comic. Helps put it into perseptive in another way. Have a great weekend all!!! “M” – I never went on a “big” family vacation ever when I was a kid but we had the best vacations ever! We would drive to a campground that was about an hour from home and those are honestly the best memories I have to this date. I hope that someday if I have a family of my own I can create the same types of memories for them.

I have my moments when I struggle with where I am compared to other ppl but like everyone else, I have to remember where I want to be. My goals aren’t their goals. I know that living the “debt-free” live will bring me much more satisfaction (and sleep) then having “things”. I hope that in this life I can learn to love unconditionally instead of being envious or constantly trying to fullfill my life with “things”.

Mikey – Great comic. Helps put it into perseptive in another way.

Have a great weekend all!!!

]]> By: Christy http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/731/comment-page-1#comment-13775 Christy Fri, 26 Jun 2009 15:27:46 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=731#comment-13775 I recently looked at an acreage with a newer comfortable home on it; but when you compared it to the other acreages in the subdivision we would have been the seemingly "poor folk" on the corner. And then we would have ended up with "hobo" status if I ended up getting a couple of chickens (I love chickens and fresh eggs). Even though I know myself well and know that having the 750 K house isn't imporatnat to me, I couldn't help but wonder if I would feel the pressure after a few years of living in a neighborhood like that? So, even though it would be a comfortabel home to live in, in our price range and a decent drive to work... I have put it on the "no" list as there are many other acreages to look at where I would feel entirely comfortable having a few chickens. I recently looked at an acreage with a newer comfortable home on it; but when you compared it to the other acreages in the subdivision we would have been the seemingly “poor folk” on the corner. And then we would have ended up with “hobo” status if I ended up getting a couple of chickens (I love chickens and fresh eggs).

Even though I know myself well and know that having the 750 K house isn’t imporatnat to me, I couldn’t help but wonder if I would feel the pressure after a few years of living in a neighborhood like that? So, even though it would be a comfortabel home to live in, in our price range and a decent drive to work… I have put it on the “no” list as there are many other acreages to look at where I would feel entirely comfortable having a few chickens.

]]> By: Monica http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/731/comment-page-1#comment-13774 Monica Fri, 26 Jun 2009 15:08:52 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=731#comment-13774 My husband used to ask me when someone we knew was getting something.."how can they afford that and we can't?" My answer was always the same...you don't know what goes on behind closed doors. Not to say that I am "perfect" and don't wrestle that green-eyed sloth from time to time...but the one thing I know that is different in our household now is that we are happy! We have purchased very few "new" things in our almost 20 year marriage (I know THAT 20 years in itself is a rare gift!) and we are happy. I would rather purchase something second hand that is in good shape than buy some new fad only to see it either depreciate in value or to watch it wear out and feel the pain of having paid for it brand new. Stuff is just that...stuff. We have friends that go on a vacation two or three times a year. Bye! Have fun! But just know that when YOU get back, we have been working on paying off our consumer debt (not much left either except our mortgage!!) and SAVING for a once in awhile vacation (which is March 2010 - last one was September 2006) so that we are consumer debt free by then and only have to work on paying down our mortgage! Thank you again Gail for your insight, wisdom and your show. My husband AND children are hooked on watching it! My husband used to ask me when someone we knew was getting something..”how can they afford that and we can’t?” My answer was always the same…you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. Not to say that I am “perfect” and don’t wrestle that green-eyed sloth from time to time…but the one thing I know that is different in our household now is that we are happy! We have purchased very few “new” things in our almost 20 year marriage (I know THAT 20 years in itself is a rare gift!) and we are happy. I would rather purchase something second hand that is in good shape than buy some new fad only to see it either depreciate in value or to watch it wear out and feel the pain of having paid for it brand new. Stuff is just that…stuff. We have friends that go on a vacation two or three times a year. Bye! Have fun! But just know that when YOU get back, we have been working on paying off our consumer debt (not much left either except our mortgage!!) and SAVING for a once in awhile vacation (which is March 2010 – last one was September 2006) so that we are consumer debt free by then and only have to work on paying down our mortgage! Thank you again Gail for your insight, wisdom and your show. My husband AND children are hooked on watching it!

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