Stop Doing This!
Posted by Gail | Filed under Life Lessons
Have you ever noticed that even when something isn’t working for you, you keep doing it anyway. People smoke even though they know it’s bad for them. People drink themselves relationship and career ruin. People choose relationships that are painful because, well, “the heart wants what the heart wants.” Lord love a duck.
These are obvious things — well at least to the people looking in at your life — that continue to contribute to your sense that your life is less than you want it to be. But what about the less obvious things?
Are you a perfectionist? If you’re holding yourself to a standard you can’t possibly meet, you’re setting yourself up to feel less successful, less proficient, less worthy. Stop it! Perfectionism is a trap. Everything we’re good at — really good at — came to be because we made a wholehellova lot of mistakes. And we learned. And we got better. Sometimes good enough is good enough and you have to learn to let go of that burning desire to make it perfect.
Are you a head-banger? You know the saying about doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results? If that’s you, stop it! If something isn’t working for you, instead of banging your head against that wall, take a step back. Look hard: why isn’t it working? What do you have to DO DIFFERENTLY to make the outcome different? If you can’t see it, ask one of your friends. Pick a sensible and supportive one. Then take his or her advice. Sometimes you are so close to a thing you have no perspective, so you have to borrow some.
Are you a procrastinator? Some people procrastinate because they’re lazy. Some procrastinate because they are afraid they’ll fail. And some aren’t sure they want the success that might come; they don’t want things to change. If you’re a procrastinator, stop it! Getting what you need to do done doesn’t mean you have to kill yourself in the doing. Break it down into smaller, more manageable pieces. Then do each piece purposefully and with intent. No more delay tactics, but no rushing either.
Are you too single focused? I have a tendency to be so focused on the outcome I lose track of what’s going on around me. I have to be very careful because when I’m “at work” I can’t hear or see anything other than the goal I’m working towards. (It happens when I’m travelling and never see the lines because I only see the door I’m supposed to go through too. Alex used to give me shite for cutting until we did a lot of travelling together and she realized I didn’t even see the lines.)
Too tight a focus can leave you putting family and friends on hold. Just because those people love you doesn’t mean their patience is unlimited. Eventually, many broken promises mean they’ll stop believing you, stop expecting you to show up. And when you’re done your project and your head comes up, y’know what? They will have gotten a life and it won’t include you. Unless you want to end up lonely and sad, open your focus up. Make dates that are unbreakable. Keep your promises.