The Picture of Your Life
Posted by Gail | Filed under Life Lessons
Where did you get the picture of what your life should be? Where did you come up with the ideas you hold as truths about what you should have, should look like, should do?
I meet a lot of people who have expectations that are completely unrealistic, and it makes me wonder where they got their life pictures. Why would a woman who has just graduated from university and hasn’t even got a good job yet think it’s okay to have a baby, buy a house, and throw herself a big wedding? Why would a young couple believe that the beautiful house they bought (that they could barely afford) isn’t good enough and buy a bigger one? And when did the kind of car we drive, the clothes or shoes we wear, or the neighbourhood we live in become such a reflection on us that we’re willing to pretend things are fine when we’re neck-deep in debt?
We’ve grown up with more STUFF than has ever been available before for consumption. TVs get bigger and flatter with better resolution and more fabulous sound. Houses get bigger, with more bedrooms, bathrooms, kitchens. Cars get fancier (I want the one that knows how to parallel park itself!) with leather seats, in-car communications, and more cup-holders!
With all the STUFF just waiting to be bought, the question becomes this: Are you really willing to spend whatever it takes to have it all right now, regardless of the impact on your financial health?
It may be that the lifestyle you have, or want to have, is shaped by what you had when you lived with your parents. Their hard work made it possible for you to grow up in a house, and you can’t imagine living in anything but, despite the fact that you haven’t saved a downpayment. For while it took our parents 10 or 15 years to come up with the money to get into a house, many of us think we’re entitled RIGHT NOW.
Unless you come out of school earning as much as your parents, with the savings to back it up, you can’t buy the same lifestyle they had. Putting yourself into debt and not leaving any money for savings mean you’re setting yourself up financial failure.
I meet a lot of people who want to indulge their every whim either because they were indulged as children and it’s their norm, or because they weren’t and it’s their due! Talk about no way out. Delusional Debtors can always find a good excuse for spending money. That’s a no-brainer. The fact that we’re spending money on credit – spending money we haven’t yet earned – is down-right dopey, particularly when it’s for consumables. Sure, that $200 dinner was great. But once you go home and have a good poop, all you’re left with is the debt on your credit card.
And then there are the people who spend money they know they shouldn’t, experiencing buyers remorse and slapping themselves upside the head for being stupid… who then go out and do it again. What will it take to stop?
It may take revamping the picture you have of your life. If you have painted a picture for yourself that you simply cannot afford, it’s time to paint a new picture – one that you can feel good about.
It’s lovely to think that a beautiful home, a late-model car, and a cottage, boat, basement full of entertainment equipment is ours for the having, but the reality is that for many people our grasp exceeds our reach. I can’t afford that car that parks itself and I know it. To go out and lease one would mean I’d have to scrimp in other areas – most likely on my saving and my emergency fund – and I’m not prepared to do that.
Ditto an annual vacation. While it’s a lovely idea, and it may be hard to watch others head south while I’m stuck shoveling snow, the reality is putting it on credit isn’t an option for me. So I’ve painted myself a picture that includes a family vacation somewhere wonderful about every three to five years, depending on how I’m doing financially. I save up the money and come back with no regrets.
So, what pictures did you paint that are getting you iton trouble? What did you imagine your life would be like, only to wake up to some hard realities that have you scratching your head? And how do you feel about having to change your expectations? If you aren’t willing to revamp your picture, how are you planning to make it work?
Perhaps the hardest part of taking control of our money and our life is the first step: honesty. We must honestly look at the picture we’ve built and the impact it’s having on our financial stability. If we’re balanced and in a good place then the picture’s a keeper. If we have debt, no savings, no EF, no insurance or worry about paying the hydro bill on time, it time to get out a fresh canvas and start painting a new picture.
June 19, 2009 at 7:38 am
I like this concept of ‘re-writing your life script’. In my case I always knew I’d buy a house, get married and have 2 kids – and I was both lucky and worked hard for it.
I do believe we pick up others’ projections/dreams/expectations on to us. But when it comes right down to it what’s important is quality of day to day life – as that’s what makes up ‘our lives’, the day to day living.
I remember reading a Dale Carnegie book, ‘How to Stop Worrying & Start Living’ which included a story about a large, very old oak tree. This tree survived storms, droughts, lighting, etc. But what finally killed it was tons and tons of very tiny little ants that chewed away at it. I think being in debt and waking up to the reality of it is like those little ants. Eventually it can seriously harm your day to day quality of life.
June 19, 2009 at 7:53 am
Maybe this blog should be renamed Find Your True Self.
People in other countries do not live for the endless pursuit of bigger and better, yet they have good standards of living and good measures of happiness. They are taking time to know their families, their friends and their neighbours. They have the time to relax and enjoy life because they aren’t caught up working to buy stuff to impress other people.
If we North Americans realized that all this stuff doesn’t define us and in fact, doesn’t really make us happier, we could read more, sleep more, laugh more, make love more,be with our families more, and make more of a difference to those around us.
It’s so odd that the high school peer pressure to be cool and have the right clothes never really goes away. It’s just that the cool stuff costs way more when you are an adult.
Let’s all try not to be defined by our addresses and our labels, but rather by what is in our hearts and souls.
June 19, 2009 at 7:55 am
This statement is the very reason that I believe young people are in debt (to the degree they are).
“It may be that the lifestyle you have, or want to have, is shaped by what you had when you lived with your parents. Their hard work made it possible for you to grow up in a house, and you can’t imagine living in anything but, despite the fact that you haven’t saved a downpayment. For while it took our parents 10 or 15 years to come up with the money to get into a house, many of us think we’re entitled RIGHT NOW.”
It is hard to believe that you can live without all of the creature comforts you have grown to know. And when someone is willing to finance them for you (12 months no interest, no payments) you no longer have to.
June 19, 2009 at 8:02 am
Or at least we don’t have to for the 12 months, but then we have to for several years after…
(I forgot to add that part
)
June 19, 2009 at 8:26 am
Great post Gail!
My partner and I are driving to my parents for the weekend (3 hours)… I think we just might have a talk about what our ‘pictures’ look like.
June 19, 2009 at 8:26 am
…perhaps – what are pictures look like, are they realistic, and are we doing now what we need to do – to paint those pictures in 3-5-10 years time.
June 19, 2009 at 8:29 am
Spent the first 15 years of our relationship gathering material things – had to be perfect, had to “have it all”.
Nearly had a breakdown dealing with the stress of having to work as much overtime as possible to keep up with the Jones.
Quickly learned what the heck is the point of all that stuff when you can’t enjoy it with your family.
10 years ago we decluttered – I mean seriously decluttered and downsized and beautifully repainted our picture.
Now we have what we need and save up for what we want. No debt, no stress – a good life and a beautiful picture!
June 19, 2009 at 8:45 am
One of your best posts yet, Gail.
Your work is a much-needed dose of ‘level-headedness’ for our society. Thank you for your efforts – I know your hard work and thoughtfully written lessons will encourage many people to continue working in the right direction, and save many more a lot of needless heartache. Thanks again.
June 19, 2009 at 9:44 am
Dreams are wonderful, aren’t they? I love the one where I can fly, but then I wake up and reality hits me in the face. I cannot fly. The realities of life aren’t that much different.
The reality is that most of us work 40+ hours every week just to provide the basics: food, water and shelter. A large part of our life truly is about paying the mortgage or the rent, buying groceries, paying the heat bill and just surviving. It’s reality folks – we have to wash the floors, scrub the toilets and take out the trash. Accept it and move on.
Another reality is that most of us are only 1, 2 or 3 generations removed from poverty. That’s right – our parents, grandparents or great grandparents were really poor. They were not well educated and had to live during some of the worst economic times in history. And it was tough. Tougher than any of can ever imagine. Remember though that this fact forms a part of our history and is a part of the very people that we are today.
It isn’t wrong to want a “better” life. We all want it. Life can be tough. The problem though is when we define better has having more things we, for some strange reason, fail to accept that more often than not this also means less security. More things means working more, more time away from each other, more credit, more debt, more risk….all the very things that reduce your sense of security. You would think that by now we would all have it figured out? Sadly we don’t.
When was the last time that you actually embraced the idea of doing less? What thoughts come to mind when you hear someone is working less? Do you think it is great when someone says that they took a day off “just because”? When was the last time that you didn’t feel the need to keep up in your work, your neighborhood, your family? When was the last time you heard someone described as friendly, kind or caring instead of as having this, doing that or buying something else?
Perhaps it is time that many of us wake up. For many our dreams are great but our lives have become nightmares.
June 19, 2009 at 10:24 am
Great post, Gail. With the help of the jars, we’ve discovered we can live reasonably well on one salary plus a little extra. Funny how we couldn’t manage to do that before the jars. Money was slipping through our hands with nothing to show for it. I look forward to when the student loans are paid off and knowing that if we both wanted to work half time, we could. I want to enjoy my life, not my stuff.
June 19, 2009 at 10:58 am
Ill-usion: my grandmother said only people with dark hair could be beautiful; blonds might be cute at best. It took me till I was over 50 before I realized, hey, she was the one with the dark hair!
June 19, 2009 at 11:30 am
And even if you didn’t have a preconceived idea that you should meet certain material milestones by a certain age, the fact that sssooo many other people do, makes it very hard. My husband and I both went through a (brief) period of thinking that we must be doing something wrong because we don’t own a house, when almost all of our friends do.
Then we clued in and realized that they’re all house poor (or worse, in debt).
There’s a peer pressure and a heard mentality to so much of this that even those of us who have our heads screwed on straight find difficult to resist.
June 19, 2009 at 12:05 pm
In Tradition First Nations Cree Culture, the Chief was the “poorest” man in the village – because giving of yourself was how wealth was measured. Wealth was traditionally measured by how strong your family connections were, how much you gave of yourself and how you treated others – what a concept for us to re-embrace.
June 19, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Growing up, we really didn’t have much money. We had a home, and always had food on the table, never had to go without. My parents didn’t spend extravagantly. We had “just enough”. My husbands family, always barely had anything. Just rented, sometimes didn’t have enough food, always trying to catch up. (His folks are still trying to catch up – almost in their 60’s!) My life picture was to be like my parents. In reality, we are pretty much like his parents. I get so discouraged and after 16 years together, I know my husband will likely never change. I am getting to the breaking point. Before he and I were together, I had money, I didn’t have debt, I could handle my finances myself. He has no clue about our money and bills and I deal with the stress alone. I will be 40 in the next couple years and I don’t want to look back with regret thinking I could have done something about this, but didn’t. I just don’t know how to get him on board with me. He thinks he deserves it b/c he had a poor childhood. I feel that we are not doing our children any favors by living on the edge all the time and THAT is not fair. I feel hopeless but I am not ready to give up. I am working on that budget again tonight Gail. Wish me luck!!
June 19, 2009 at 12:12 pm
When I was young I read Cosmopolitan magazines with a vengance.
I thought that when I was in my twenties I would suddenly morph into a “Cosmo Girl”.
What a rude reality I was to face!!
Now we all think we will end up in an Architechural Digest magazine…Ha!!
an equally harsh reality…..
June 19, 2009 at 1:23 pm
I had dreams of taking piano lessons in my retirement. There’s nothing stopping me, but since I have since lost the use of my right arm in a catastrophic skiing accident it seems like the least of my worries. Silver lining to the whole thing is that it happened on a field trip (I’m a teacher) so the injury is “compensable.” Had this happened on a recreational ski trip my financial future would be dramatically different.
I had pictured my future as an able-bodied one. However, $#!+ happens. You change your plan.
June 19, 2009 at 1:35 pm
Gail, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with buying consumables with a credit card…as long as the full balance is paid off every month. Personally, other than my mortgage, property tax, and utilities, everything goes onto a credit card because I get cash back and pay no interest. (It’s like the credit card companies are paying me to use their services.) I know you’re a big proponent of cash-only lifestyles, but carrying a wad of cash is dangerous and you can’t cancel it if it’s stolen.
June 19, 2009 at 1:44 pm
Wonderful food for thought here…
Colin & Pat, I especially enjoyed your posts. Very thought provoking.
I think I fell into the “had to have a house” trap when I was in my early 20’s and I bought one because my friends were buying and it seemed like the smart thing to do. I don’t think any of us realized the true financial sacrifice a home is. I ended up losing that home due to poor relationship choices, but I learned a lot too. I learned to appreciate what I invested in, be it a blouse or a piece of furniture – and eventually another home in a better relationship. My husband was more into “toys” when he was in his 20s. He had to have the fast car, the boat and have fun with the boys drinking it up, making a good living but really nothing in the bank to show for it. He has changed his tune as well. He’s more interested in our home and living life than having the toys.
As for painting a picture of your life, it’s important to leave room for more details, or for interpretation. You can paint that picture as pretty as you want, but when a rain storm hits, that painting might very well be highly water damaged. Life certainly likes to throw things our way that we often have no control over. We have had so many changes this year that we had no control over and it’s been very difficult. BUT, like Gail says, plan like a pessimist but live like an optimist. I try hard to be optimist but keep both eyes wide open.
June 19, 2009 at 1:58 pm
Colin, you need to lighten up. Reality is not as dire as you make it sound. A 40+ hour work week is not a prison sentence if you enjoy what you do, and there are plenty of people who enjoy the tasks involved in maintaining their home and take pride in seeing their sinks, counters, and windows gleam.
While I may not have a seven-figure bank account (yet) or be waited on hand and foot by a cabana boy named Ricardo, I’m living the dream.
June 19, 2009 at 2:22 pm
@ Ann
Truth be told people “in general” spend more money when they spend using plastic (I’ve seen various numbers but they usually say 12 – 18% more). It doesn’t hurt near as much to swipe the plastic as it does to hand over the cash. I know this to be true in my case anyway. Plus there is the risk that things get charged improperly and the hassle of trying to sort it out, etc. Yes its great to pay of the balance every month and get that “cash back bonus” but as stated most ppl spend more with a credit card than they would with cash so the cash back bonus doesn’t cover that extra spending. Not saying that this is true in your case but in general its true. Thats why the jar/envelope system works so well.
June 19, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Why is everyone so down on home ownership? As long as you get a home that you can truly afford, then it can be a very wise financial decision. Especially if you’re staying put for a while. Just do your research, and know if it’s right for you.
Also, Gail, I’d like to counter your point here:
“Why would a woman who has just graduated from university and hasn’t even got a good job yet think it’s okay to have a baby, buy a house, and throw herself a big wedding?”
I’m a woman who hasn’t graduated from university yet. My fiance and I own a house (purchased for $75000 with $16 000 down from an inheritance), we’re planning on getting married next summer (small wedding, though) and we’re talking about starting a family as soon as I graduate, before I get a job.
You don’t need a combined family income of $60 000 or more to live comfortably. We’re doing everything on around $35 000 a year. Right now our monthly expenses are around $1500, including $200 a month in savings and $50 a month into mutual funds. That leaves us with $17 000 extra for my tuition (his is covered by a fund). Even so, we’ve got $8 000 extra in our budget this year. How is it that we have extra money when we make less combined than most individuals on your show? It’s all about being smart with your money. There is nothing wrong with getting an early start if you know how to go about it. If anything, it gives a greater value to what you have.
The comment about feeling entitled to the lifestyle your parents have is so true, though. I’ve been dealing with the other end right now; people asking why on earth we aren’t living beyond our means (my words, not theirs)
One of our friends, when he found out the square footage of our semi asked why we didn’t buy a bigger house. We told him we couldn’t afford it, and he actually said “Why not?” with a blank, confused look on his face. We still laugh to this day that a 20 year old man could be so brainless.
The other shocker is when adults don’t understand that you can’t leap into their lifestyle! My mother-in-law looks down on our tiny house in a not amazing neighbourhood because she’s married to a surgeon and lives in the country. She keeps asking why we didn’t buy a nicer place, and basically refuses to visit us because it’s such a bad place to live. Ugh. One look at the well-tended gardens and friendly neighbours around here, and anyone would know that’s not the case.
We’ve always been lucky enough to have the brains to keep our dreams in perspective. We looked at our situation, and really, we are living the dream life for us, just on a smaller scale. People in my age bracket (and all others, for that matter) really need to stop and think about the fact that they have to EARN that big-screen t.v. and new car. You can’t just have things without working for them.
June 19, 2009 at 2:51 pm
@ Rachel,
Replace the jar/envelope system with an Excel spreadsheet and daily inputs and sticking to a budget is a breeze. It can also be fun if you use colour coding.
In all my years of credit card use, I’ve only had to dispute 5 incorrect charges and the credit card companies didn’t hassle me. After all, they’re making a tonne of money off of me because of the merchant fees and my risk of defaulting is practically nil.
June 19, 2009 at 3:13 pm
My parents did not have much. I am not trying to keep up with MY childhood, the dream I had was to keep up with my best friend’s childhood. An acre of property on the beach with a big swingset, a beautiful home and a garage full of toys with the annual vacation, extra curricular activities like dance and piano and a stay-home-mom making cookies every day. It was a picture perfect lifestyle as far as I could tell!
Fortunately, I knew I had to pick and choose what part of the dream I wanted for myself and my family when I got there. And the priorty for me is the stay-home-mom part more than the fancy house and activities part. I quickly realized I couldn’t have both with the income that is available to this household (if we wanted to move NORTH the income may be way higher, but the lifestyle couldn’t be the same — there are always choices).
I am a stereotypical tightwad, and I may have even missed some opportunities because I wasn’t willing to risk a loss, but the point here is that I won’t dare put my family at preventable risk by making credit charges on something we can live without. The return on investment (practical return) has to be obvious before I commit. Even when something unexpectedly breaks, it’s a challenge that me and my husband step-up to!!!! While trying to avoid using the emergency fund, we fix it or make due without it, meanwhile saving up for the replacement, not exciting by usual standards, but it is the way we live.
June 19, 2009 at 3:16 pm
Ann,
I do have an excel spreedsheet budget and I love it…. and I use the colour coding too.
I still find using cash it what works for me.
June 19, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Rachel, can you give me some direction on how to set up the Excel budget? Did you use Gail’s version of the budget worksheet in Excel?
And how does the colour coding work? I’m still learning to use Excel.
June 19, 2009 at 3:50 pm
I have wondered how a lot of these people afforded all the toys..makes me ponder if someone died and left one of them a wad of dough, alternately they must have very good jobs, the latter and large credit bills to go with it.
June 19, 2009 at 4:19 pm
I have to laugh at people who drive Hummers – hopefully that’s no one on this board!! Honestly, how hard is their job to get to???
My 3-year-old hears me and his dad laugh at those people. We kind of hope this will be an insidious little teaching tool.
I simply can’t imagine a Life Picture which includes that kind of vehicle, or the kind of debt that goes with it. That being said, my MIL drives a Cadillac SUV, whatever they’re called, and FIL drives something equally huge (granted, he’s over 6′4″ and 300+ lbs). They are leases which they somehow work into their business taxes. I still think they are irresponsibly extravagant. Hubby drives a little Kia Rio, first ever vehicle he bought new, now fully paid for, which he LOVES, and I drive a Saturn sedan, bought used and fully paid for.
Given that transportation in Canada is essential, and vehicles (over public transport/bikes/etc) seem to be considered essential by most, it would make sense to buy reasonable/efficient machines rather than status machines. There are still insurance, registration, parking, upkeep, and repair costs to bear, not to mention gas. It is a stunning expense overall even once the vehicle is paid for.
I don’t intend to give up my vehicles anytime soon BUT I also can’t imagine driving (and paying the associated costs for) such a monster!!
June 19, 2009 at 4:27 pm
And don’t even get me started on those huge weddings, a la Rich Bride Poor Bride TV show. $20K+++ for a WEDDING?? Are you kidding me??? And the way many of those couples relate to each other over the money-spending for the wedding is such a red flag for the rest of their lives (and very likely short marriages).
Don’t these people realize that they could buy a car for the amount they are spending in ONE DAY? Or have a downpayment on a house? Or a tax break on an RRSP? Or any number of other things that will stay with them much longer than the memory of that one day? (And how tainted will the memory of that day become if the relationship sours?)
Honestly, we had a small wedding 15 years ago and (besides the love & committment) all that’s left are the wedding rings, my dress (which was of a style that I have been able to wear it a number of times since!!!) and a book of photos. NO DEBT!!! It didn’t even cross our minds to go into debt for our wedding.
We have since discussed what we will do when our children decide to get married … and we are both leaning towards “Here’s some money towards your new life together. You can have $5K towards your wedding OR you can have $15K towards a new home”. Assuming they can afford a home that is!
June 19, 2009 at 4:43 pm
Off topic to today’s topic but more to the “credit card” thread …
Ann – I smiled when reading your post because that is exactly what I do – daily monitoring with the help of my spreadsheet! And I, as well, have had no problems with credit card fraud or charges made in error.
I use my credit card for all possible expenses, and by updating my expenses spreadsheet daily and paying off the credit card weekly I’ve never gotten into any trouble. I redeem the “points” I earn on my credit card for gasoline gift certificates. It works only if you NEVER carry a balance from month to month (thereby incurring interest charges), and only if you DON’T spend more than you normally would if you were using cash. I believe Gail uses the term “convenience” card rather than a “credit” card when your credit card is used in this manner.
The best advice I have is to know yourself. If a credit card leads you to overindulge – by all means, the cash and jars system is better for you. Don’t fool yourself thinking that you resist temptation now, if you hadn’t in the past.
Luckily for me, a credit card does not offer any temptation for me to overindulge. However … if you put a full bag of cookies or a full tub of ice cream in front me … yikes. Now that is what I have to stay away from, and can’t bring into the house. You know the old trick of putting your credit cards in the freezer to avoid temptation? If only that worked for the ice cream!!!!!!
June 19, 2009 at 4:46 pm
Thank you Gail for this post. I have recently graduated from my Master’s program. I have an 11-month-old baby and our young family lives in a small apartment in a great Toronto neighbourhood. I enjoy my life and looking forward to having full-time work so that I can finish paying off my student loan.
Recently, my husband and I have been shopping for a starter home. At 27 years old I feel like I have accomplished quite a lot to have a graduate degree, a fun life, a great family and be in a position to start looking for a property. Our friends would agree. They all had a great time at our small wedding (paid for in cash), don’t mind riding in our sub-compact car and enjoy games night and cocktails in our futon-furnished living room.
The pressures to have/consume everything actually comes from parents and friends of parents. They seem to feel that we should be able to live their current lifestyles with ease and wonder why we don’t have a second car, a big house, another baby, etc. Our perspectives and realities vary greatly due to the generation gap. I am proud that I am highly educated and can enjoy living in a great city. However, these things go unnoticed by the boomers in my social circle. Property values compared to income have gotten out of control and cost of living is a whole different ballgame (two working parents = daycare in a city where you’re lucky to get a toddler sport for less tha $1000/month, university costs for our daughter will be out of this world) so we simply cannot achieve all that is expected of us immediately.
While my generation needs to reign in spending and learn to figure out wants vs needs, those who enjoy the lifestyle that comes with a high income, pension and a mortgage-free budget need to also recognize that we have to start somewhere and take the time we need to build on what we do and earn.
Thanks again. Time to head to the park and enjoy some free entertainment (watching a baby giggle on the swings).
June 19, 2009 at 5:02 pm
Mary,
You can email me at rach_wagner at hotmail dot com . I will help however I can.
June 19, 2009 at 6:17 pm
I agree with Krista, it is very tempting to think it is ok when soooo many of your peers are overspending and making it seem affordable and normal. I still remember some advice that was given to me on this board: Don’t keep up with the Joneses – go and introduce yourself to the Smiths (ha ha!).
I thought I was ready to make the move to using my credit card for the cashback rewards but found that even keeping track I was just too sloppy and spent ‘just a bit more’ in each category which totally threw me off. Working with cash only keeps me on budget and is not dangerous since, sadly, I tend to spend it all in a day anyhow.
‘know thyself’ – good advice Freckles
June 19, 2009 at 6:45 pm
Thanks … Gizmo!
June 19, 2009 at 8:32 pm
Ann,
I am happy that you are living your dream. We all have dreams and we owe it to ourselves to pursue them. Myself, I am proud of my Newfoundland heritage. I am grateful and thankful for the wonderful person who allowed me in to her life as her spouse and to whom I truly know is my best friend. I am proud knowing that I overcame tremendous obstacles to receive my degree. I feel blessed that at 42 years of age I still have the privilege of having 2 grandmothers in my life, and I am fortunate to have a wonderful and loving family. The same for the wonderful people who allow me to share their lives as friends for the past 30+ years.
And yes, I like my house. I like my counters and my windows. But proud when the counters and windows are shiny? Not so much.
June 19, 2009 at 10:27 pm
It does sometimes feel like my parents generation (the boomers) aren’t in touch with the financial realities of today and how quickly we can reasonably recreate what they had much earlier in life. We are on a totally different timeline and live in a very different world. My parents had saved for & purchased their first home in their very early 20’s, had 3 kids before 30… BUT, both my parents were in professional careers after 2 years of college (nursing & teaching). Today it takes 4-5 years to be qualified for either of those careers. Education costs are WAY higher than they were, relative to the money we earn once graduating.
I think a lot of people are out of touch with a realistic picture because we are trying to recreate not just the life of our parents, but because they sometimes make us feel that we’re already “way behind” to not even be married by 30, let alone not have a house or kids.
We live in an extremely capitalist society- more so than ever before. As a result, there are fewer and fewer people who are actually in the middle class. This is a huge shift in society and very difficult for people to swallow. Because what we actually see are a number of people who were in the same socio-economic group as us growing up either making a lot more money than us, OR pretending they’re making more in order to keep up the illusion. In reality, few people are staying in that “middle class” category.
June 20, 2009 at 11:04 am
I think people replace hard feelings and poor choices in life with things. I think we all had dreams and a mental picture of the life we wanted as young adults. When that didn’t come true and life got hard people got weak. Every oppurtunity to make life harder although it may have felt good at the time we did. Life is full of consequences and hard things. I am no different than the rest but I think what this has done is make a small percent of us stronger, smarter and a little less likely to band aid problems with things which is really just a quick fix in the end.
I’m hoping that people who have turned shopping into a sport one day look and see there is a whole other world out there.
Life can’t be compared to our paren’t life or even our grand parent’s life because we live in a different time than they did. They were happy back then with just enough and a little in the bank for a rainy day.
Dreams are nice and should be chased but if one or two don’t come true I will guarantee if look at your life you have made dreams come true you were’nt even aware of.
June 20, 2009 at 11:07 am
Great post, Gail. I wish you were required daily reading for everyone who has a bank account!
I definitely get the feeling that people in my generation are participating in a mass delusion. I live in Calgary and have watched as people my age (early 30s) stampeded to buy crappy houses at sky-high prices, then go out and run up new cars and other expensive toys on their HELOCs. Fast-forward to this year and look at the spike in personal bankruptcy. I sometimes think that I am too cautious about money matters, but at least I sleep at night.
I’d shrug my shoulders and say to each their own, but it’s not quite that simple. Living beyond one’s means has a negative impact on everyone. It isn’t isolated to one person. Buying big houses that weren’t affordable sent the global economy into a nose dive. That affected me. Or how about something even more important than money – the effect this hyper-consumerism has on the environment? You can’t go out and buy more clean air and water once we’ve fouled up our planet with this drive for more stuff. And that affects me.
I’d like to see our cost of living start to reflect the real cost of manufacturing and disposal. Price tags should include the clean-up cost of the tar sands, the price of global waming, the real cost of importing food from the other side of the world. Maybe if our market started to reflect these realities, we would all slow down and catch our breath and start to learn to be content with what we already have?
June 21, 2009 at 8:52 am
If you go to garage sales there you will see stuff….everything known to man…bought for in many cases good dollars and sold for 50 cents
I notice then they have another sale the next spring, so they must have gone out over the winter and done it again.
June 22, 2009 at 3:46 pm
My planned spending picture used to be hardwood floors and a cottage.
Now it’s laminate and a small piece of land with a tent
June 22, 2009 at 6:07 pm
Growing up, I wanted a house of my own and a career to take care of my financial needs. Since I live in Vancouver “house” was changed to “apartment”, but have otherwise I’ve gotten what I wanted.
I would have said this was due to upbringing, yet my sister’s goals are much more lofty. She wants a house, 2 cars, trips to Disneyland, etc., yet at the same time she wants to stay at home to raise the kids. These expectations are contradictory, she is not very happy, and she thinks she’s been dealt a bad hand…