More Money Mistakes Couples Make
Posted by Gail | Filed under Getting Married?, Money Management
4. Denying the Debt. Regardless of who has the debt, the impact on the family unit will be significant. If you can’t be debt free when you get hooked up, the very least you should have is a plan for how you’ll get that debt paid off.
Never sign for each other’s debt. When you do, you assume responsibilities that may choke you to death. If your buddy needs help pay off the debt, you can do that without putting your name on the paperwork.
“But he won’t be able to get a car if I don’t help him,” I’ve heard. Then he shouldn’t have a car. “But she’ll pay an outrageous amount of interest.” Then she shouldn’t take the loan. “We’re partners in everything.” Maybe that’s how you feel now, but how will you feel when (s)he doesn’t pull her/his weight on the debt repayment, and you’re on the hook for his or her past self-indulgence?
As for blowing your brains out on a big wedding when you’re walking around with a ton of debt, give your heads a shake! Wedding mania, exotic honeymoons, and a houseful of brand new furniture is wonderful, providing you have the money to pay for it. Going into debt for massive self-indulgence is down right dopey.
5. Sweating the small stuff. If you’re going to spend your relationship getting your britches in a knot over every little thing, you’re going to be miserable… for a long time. Or you’re going to get divorced. You have to figure out which battles are worth fighting, and when negotiation makes more sense.
If the small stuff adds up to big problems it’s usually because you don’t have a budget and aren’t on the same page when it comes to your priorities. It’s not unusual for couples to spend $30 a month here, $25 a month there, $60 on this, $97 a month on that, and when it’s all added up, it’s a whopping amount of money. If you’re tracking your expenses, it’s easy to decide what has to go and when to stop shopping.
One of the ways some couples deal with the Money Of My Own issue is to allot each partner a weekly or monthly “allowance” that can be used for any that body desires. Since the allowance is part of the budget, the plan stays in place while the individuals have some personal freedom when it comes to how they’ll spend their personal money.
Once you have a slush fund you can each spend as you wish without questions or recriminations, you can then agree that on purchases above a certain amount you’ll consult with each other before buying.
6. Failing to plan for emergencies. While no one likes to think about bad things happening, the fact is that bad things do happen to good people. If you don’t have a stash of cash at the ready to deal with whatever life throws at you, you won’t have the means to cope. One of the big upsides of joining up is that you’re able to act as a safety net for each other through life’s storms. But that doesn’t happen magically. And often couples over-estimate their partner’s ability to take over the entire financial burden should one partner lose a job, someone become ill, or suffer some other disaster. It takes a plan. And part of that plan includes creating a pretty hefty emergency fund. Another part includes reducing your risks in whatever ways possible. Every couple should have enough money available to cover six months’ worth of living expenses. And each partner should make it a priority to get adequate insurance coverage.
Communication and negotiation are the keys to dealing with money issues when you partner. ‘Course you also need some practical money-management skills to actually pull the whole thing off.
I am totally blown away by the people who are part of this community. I have received so many cards and letters wishing me a happy birthday. Yesterday when I got Catherine’s card I burst into tears. She’d spelled out “Happy Birthday Gail” along with about 20 or so other words that are part of my gestalt (including my kids’ names and my favorite foods!) on a scrabble board. Girl, you sure have been paying attention. And I loved the poem and the little orange bowls. I will use those to cook up a storm. That card is going up on my wall!
I can’t possibly list you all, but I want you to know that every card, every note means the world to me. You’re a lovely bunch of coconuts and I’m glad to have you helping me to celebrate today. A couple of people sent pressies – again, thank you – and to Brenda who came to the Sudbury show just to give me my b’day card, I’m glad I got the chance to give you a hug.
June 18, 2009 at 8:00 am
Happy Birthday, Gail! And thanks for the mention. I’m sooo glad I got a chance to see and chat to you in person, and I loved the hug! Thanks again for all you do, and have a terrific day! You deserve it!
June 18, 2009 at 8:09 am
Happy birthday Gail! I’m happy that others feel the same way about you as i do, i feel like i ‘know’ you, and have learned so much from this website and the show. My hubby calls you our ‘financial rock star’! Enjoy your day and continue to do all the wonderful things you do, both personally and professionally
June 18, 2009 at 8:30 am
Ok…after watching your show for ages and reading everything on this site I’m finally jumping in…Gail I wish you all the best for the comming year, Happy Birthday! Two years ago my husband left after 23 years of marriage, I also discovered we were $59,000 in debt…well thanks to your advice and alot of doing without the debt is now at @10,000!!! Many times I have felt completely overwhelmed financially but when I do I come read this site and get some perspective. So for all the wonderful things you do I thank you!
June 18, 2009 at 8:34 am
Happy Birthday Gail !!…I can tell my niece she is in really good company (her birthday is today as well).
As the for money, I remember growing up, my mom was the accountant of the family. My dad worked for a major auto manufacturer and his pay cheques were quite large. He’d come home at the end of the week and hand it to my mom..”Just bring me back “$XX for the week”. Some times it was only $20.00 and others up to $200. He left it up to my mom to pay the bills etc.
Thank goodness she was a really good saver and knew (and still knows) how to stretch a dollar. Today they’re both retired and living comfortably…mortgage free, debt free, $$ in the bank and other investments. I aspire to be like my parents.
June 18, 2009 at 8:35 am
Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Hhaaaappppyy BBBBbbrriiittthhddaaaaaaayyy dear Gail, Happy Birthday to you!!! All the best for the next exciting year ahead!
June 18, 2009 at 8:35 am
Gail: you deserve the love you get, because you also give a lot of love… so please don’t stop !
Happy Birthday to you!!!
Emiliano
June 18, 2009 at 8:41 am
Happy Birthday Gail! I hope your day is very rewarding and enjoyable! I hope you took the day off but I think you probably didn’t. Best wishes for a great year!
Wanda
June 18, 2009 at 8:42 am
welcome to the BEST time of your life Gail.
i know this is a big birthday for you…………believe me, it’s all goodQ
Happy Birthday from a sudbury girl!
June 18, 2009 at 9:16 am
When you give so much of yourself to others, as you do every day on your show, your blog, your books etc., it’s not surprising that people want to give back. I’m only sorry I didn’t know your birthday was today! I hope it’s a fantastic one-relish every moment of it!! Hugs to you
June 18, 2009 at 9:24 am
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GAIL!!! Hope you have a great day!
Back to the ex-bf. I also helped him out when it came to his student loans, he couldn’t always make the payment every month. Now, I feel like I was such an idiot. If your partner can’t take care of their financial obligations but can buy fancy toys/clothes/whatever, then you should think very carefully before you help them out. Its hard when you love them, and even harder when you’re married, but sometimes your partner needs a kick in the pants to get them going!
June 18, 2009 at 9:39 am
Happy Birthday Gail!!
I’ve been really shy to post this – I’m not sure why lol.. but I became debt free this month!!
Debt free, debt free, I’m debt free!!!! I’m definitely doing a happy dance and have been for a week now lol.
It’s in no small part to you Gail… Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I can’t wait to meet you at the picnic in July… I’d love a hug too!!
June 18, 2009 at 9:41 am
Happy birthday Gail! Have a wonderful day, full of love and happiness! And thank you for sharing your wisdom with us every day
June 18, 2009 at 10:02 am
Happy Birthday Gail!
And congrats to Didi on being debt free. Way to go!
I have never understood the whole big wedding thing myself. When we first married in Dec 2002, we had decided a week or two before the date to get married. It just seemed to make sense to get married the morning of our annual Solstice party and celebrate with all the people who were coming that evening. It was short, sweet and simple. Rings, flowers, cake and dress came to $2000, I think. We did splurge on a vow renewal – to commemorate 10 years of the day we met – on a two week trip to Cuba which only recently got paid off. From that we learned, it tastes better to save then spend, not spend then slave.
June 18, 2009 at 10:02 am
Happy Birthday Gail!
Enjoy your day!
PS Thank you for all you do
June 18, 2009 at 10:14 am
Didi
Congratulations!!!! Awesome accomplishment! Way to go!
June 18, 2009 at 11:08 am
Thx Rachel
it’s the first time I have been debt free since I was 18 and foolishly took on a credit card in College… that was the start of a terrible relationship with my cards and credit.. sigh. However, I saw the light 2 years ago and was determined to be debt free and I’m so happy… I think I have watched every TDDUP episode 5 times lol
June 18, 2009 at 11:32 am
Gail, would you mind posting your address for those of us who would like to send you a card? And how about a reminder for folks to please continue sharing your tried and true recipes.
All the best this coming year.
June 18, 2009 at 11:54 am
Happy Birthday Gail. My wish for you is that on your birthday next year you will look back over the past year and say Wow. That was great.
Love from one of your “Grasshoppers”
June 18, 2009 at 11:55 am
Congratulations DIDI! Terrific! And it is just going to get better!
June 18, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Happy Birthday Gail! Thank you for always inspiring us to do better! You’re a rockstar! Thanks!! =)
June 18, 2009 at 1:20 pm
Happy Birthday Gail!!! Hope you received our pressie : )
June 18, 2009 at 1:45 pm
Happy Birthday Gail!
Thank you for the shout out about my card, poem and gift.
I love to put time and thought into special tributes for people I admire, and think fondly of.
Sending you hugs on your special day! Hope to meet you in July!
June 18, 2009 at 2:38 pm
Happy Birthday to you..
Happy Birthday to you..
Happy Birthday dear Gail,
Happy Birthday to you!!!
Thank you for all the you do. You are an inspiraton and I wish you all the best. Enjoy your day!!!
June 18, 2009 at 3:09 pm
So glad you got my birthday card. Happy birthday to a beautiful gal. Isn’t 50 great? Now we are finally ‘adults’ and can sit on the seat of our souls and just feel we are who we are. Just like the old gun slinger’s tombstone in Tombstone, Arizona says:
“Be who you iz cuz if you be who you ain’t you aint who you iz’.
Gail – you iz GREAT! Happy Birthday!
Big hugs – Doreen
June 18, 2009 at 3:27 pm
Hey Gail!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!
Your wise words of wisdom, have straightened out my “hard head”.
To say thank you seems small but that’s all I’ve got for now.
June 18, 2009 at 3:36 pm
Happy Birthday Gail!
I join everyone else in thanking you for being such a great voice of sense, advice and good humour. You have had a tremendous impact on a lot of people and you certainly deserve to be celebrated!
As for today’s post, once again, I find myself nodding in agreement as I read. When my husband and I used to fight about money, it was never about the money, it was about what the money stood for to each of us. Our current strategy is that I pay the bills and do most of the financial stuff, but I am just executing the plan that we have both come up with together. And every so often, I make him pay the bills. Just for practice!
June 18, 2009 at 4:15 pm
I have to join the ranks here to take a moment to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
I also have to add a THANK YOU for all you do. You inspire me with each day’s blog and I’m learning the difference between wants and needs. I love you for all you do.
Have a WONDERFUL DAY, be kind to you, and know that you are appreciated and loved by many.
June 18, 2009 at 4:50 pm
Happy Birthday, Gail! Hope your day was amazing!
Congratulations, Didi! You’ve clearly worked hard–so do the happy dance for a long, long time! Great job!
June 18, 2009 at 7:41 pm
Happy Birthday Gail!!!
June 18, 2009 at 7:42 pm
Happy Birthday Gail!!!
Love your words of wisdom.
June 18, 2009 at 7:53 pm
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GAIL. U R A BLESSING TO A LOT OF PEOPLE. GOOD HEALTH, MORE WEALTH, AND LOTS OF LOVE TO YOU!
June 18, 2009 at 8:52 pm
Excellent Post as always, I am always amazed at what people get themselves into.
My husband and I have the pre-authorizing technique for major purchases (anything over $100 or bigger than a breadbox) we both have to know about it and agree to it. There are exceptions to the rule (as always), but it is a great excuse not to get sales pressured too! Nothing shoots a salesman down faster than “I’d better check with my wife/husband first.”
As for your birthday, I hope it was stunningly happy, and you get spoiled rotten….
Hippo Birdies to Ewe,
Hippo Birdies to Ewe,
Hippo Birdies Deer G-A-I-L !!!!!
Hippo Birdies to Ewe!
June 18, 2009 at 9:27 pm
Gail,
Hope you’ve had an incredible HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Girlfriend…you rock!!
Thank you for being willing to share your knowledge and understanding of the financial world…it has been such an encouragement.
June 18, 2009 at 10:08 pm
Happy Birthday Gail!!!
****BIG HUGS & LOTS OF LUV FROM NOVA SCOTIA!***
June 18, 2009 at 10:39 pm
I hope you enjoyed your day Gail….and I hope you know that you have sooo many pple who love you out here…. I thank you for all that you do. You are a true HERO
xoxox
June 19, 2009 at 12:52 am
Have a Happy Birthday Gail! With ur family and I hope ur kids did something special for you…
June 19, 2009 at 5:53 am
A big Happy Birthday to you, Gail. And remember, after 50 we can start going backwards – so this year I am 25 again. Wait, that means next year I am 35, then 45, and dang it, I’ll be 55 when I am 55!! Crap… Truthfully, 50 really is NIFTY. Soon, senior discounts to add to the savings, hee hee. It is almost 4 am, and I am getting my daily Gail wisdom prior to going to bed, as well as planning out my expenditures for the day (payday). Thanks to you, I now sit down and pay my bills on time, regardless of how much it leaves jingling in my pocket. I don’t NEED anything, so that sense of being broke just isn’t there anymore. I am so much more content knowing that the plan is working, and the light at the end of the tunnel is the freedom train. Hope you have/had a fantabulous day. Exactly one month till I am 25 again!!
June 21, 2009 at 3:42 pm
Happy Returns
Good Point about never signing for any spouses debt!!
Or pay off any of their debt
Cell phones,credit cards,schooling anything.Period! Not Nowadays especially.
Nor give a spouse access to any of your personal inheritance money/proceeds from an insurance settlement or any extra cash you may have been given, from your parents,relatives.
Don’t put this money mentioned above into a matrimonial home(ie down
payment,closing costs)either without consulting a lawyer as to how if possible to protect this monies exclusivety on divorce/separation.
Don’t put any of the aforementioned moniesin a joint account with a spouse either.
A fool and his money is soon parted..in the vast majority of cases you will be…. love/marriage ain’t got nothin’ to do with it either