Delusional Dicks
Posted by Gail | Filed under Getting Married?, Money Management
According to The Stats Man, between 1982 and 2001, 47% of Canadians spent more money than they earned. Imagine. Almost half of us were living on credit. This before the real ramp-up in credit offers and the subsequent crap that’s hit the fan. I shudder to think how many people are spending more than they are earning today.
Meet Dick. He’s married to a lovely lass named Debbie. Both are teachers. Debbie helped put Dick through school, earns more, and just had a baby. Dick thinks playing golf, gambling on-line, and having fun with the boys is the be-all of life. Dick and Debbie are living well beyond their means. Debbie knows this. She’s distraught. Dick thinks Debbie is a tight-ass and wishes she’d loosen up.
I receive letters from the Dicks and Debbies of the world all the time. Either Dick wants me to get Debbie to relax or Debbie wants me to knock some sense into Dick. I scratch my head.
Do people really know nothing about each other before they choose to marry? Do people honestly believe that if their partner is a Spendmeister before they marry, that they will become something other than a Spendmeister after marriage? Does anybody think that a conversation about goals, values and predispositions might be a good idea before you tie the knot, move in together, or in some other way make a major life commitment?
While we would like to blame credit cards and lines of credit as the culprits in the Oh-my-gawd-look-at-how-much-we-owe dilemma, the reality is that it is our own pre-disposition to spend that gets us in the hole. Yes, I think lenders have been both irresponsible and rapacious in their policies. But it is we, the consumers, who have allowed this to happen by accepting untruths like:
- you will always make more money, so you’ll be able to afford to pay it back,
- you work hard, you deserve it
- credit is cheap, use it to get what you want and have a great life.
According to The Book of Gail, the number one rule is, “Don’t spend more money than you make.” Course, you’d have to actually know how much you bring home (not that “gross” number people like to banter about) to know how much you have to spend. You’d also have to know what your “nut” is: the basic monthly essential expenses it takes to keep body and soul together. I’m astounded at the people who know neither.
It should be easy to bring the lesson home to Dick by telling him to make and live on a budget. But like many other Delusional Dicks, he’ll just leave important categories off or ignore expenses because they aren’t always present. “Medical costs, hey, we get those covered, we don’t need anything in this category.” “Home maintenance, hey, the house is practically new, we won’t have to spend a dime.”
The things Spendmeisters won’t give up are their personal pleasures. “Whaddaya mean I can’t go for beer with the boys after the game.” “Whaddaya mean I can’t buy that dress for the party.” “Whaddaya mean there’s no money.”
Delusional Dicks (regardless of their gender) cannot see the risks because they always believe the pie plate will land face up on the carpet. (While some people call this optimism, it’s delusion when it puts people at risk.) They can’t even conceive of anything bad happening, and they refuse to take any steps to protect themselves, never mind their families. Delusional Dicks wise-crack and rationalize their way through life until the two-by-four finally knocks ‘em flat, and then they blame something else, brush themselves off and move on.
So what do you do if you’ve partnered up with a Delusional Dick?
You could run screaming to the exits. A little money spent wisely with a divorce lawyer today could save you tons of debt.
Or you could say, “Hey, I’m taking control of this, you’re a moron.” You’d assume the role of Mommy or Daddy, while your partner got to keep on being a child, creating problems you’d have to solve.
Or you could separate the money, each contributing to their own upkeep, each doing their own saving and investing. There would be no joint credit, no joint assets. Delusional Dick would stumble eventually and – here’s the really hard part – you’d have to NOT bail him/her out. It might not end well, but it might be enough to bring Delusional Dick into the real world. Only time will tell.
June 5, 2009 at 7:29 am
Great post as usual Gail:)…especially the part about really knowing each other BEFORE joining the money!…too often young people hook up and right away the open a joint account…one of them qualifies for overdraft protection so they slap that on the account…they keep it in the red constantly then they break up and one of them wants their name off the account…well, that ain’t gonna happen until it’s back in the black and now they are suddenly amazed that they have to pay for a debt only one of them qualified for…well, folks, that’s what joint means..you are both equally responsible for debt incurred…get to know each other well before blending the money or anything else for that matter…LOL..have a great weekend everybody!!!!!!!!!!
June 5, 2009 at 7:32 am
I certainly would not bring a child into the mix if my partner was a spending maniac.
Depending on the relationship (how long together, are there other problems, etc), I would give him an ultimatum of either smarten up or break up because I won’t live on the edge.
Mind you, the spending habits are obvious before a marriage and that would have prevented me from committing to the union.
Yet another good reason to be single…
June 5, 2009 at 9:11 am
Its not worth the hassle.
You can’t tell anything about people..you can’t see inside someones head!
kids into the mix to?
lots of people don’t want the financial liability today of kids
And no wonder.Who would.
I put it simply this way…if you’ve ever been married for a good length of time say 10-20 years and had a divorce then are you ever going to be sure again..the correct answer is no.
Problem is most don’t think that way…they bend over and get kicked again.
People always think they can change somebody.
June 5, 2009 at 9:15 am
Gail, you should post the SNL “Don’t Buy Stuff You Cannot Afford” clip. It’s priceless.
June 5, 2009 at 9:22 am
I was totally a “Delusional Dick” before waking up, thanks in part to you Gail! I used to pay my bills and then all the money left over was almost immediately spent. My credit card was always maxed out and whenever I made a payment, whatever was over the interest cost got spent too. I just couldn’t stop shopping!
Now, I’m working 3 jobs to pay down the debt and living on cash. I’ll NEVER be a Delusional Dick EVER AGAIN!!!
June 5, 2009 at 9:24 am
John, I actually disagree that there is not a way to be sure that the person you are about to make a commitment with has financial management skills. Whether you are getting into a new relationship or re-uniting with your former spouse, the best way to know for sure is to talk about money. Not just once in a while, but on a regular basis and be open about your budget, how much you’re making, what you need to save, what you spent your money on, and so on. Sure there is always the chance that someone is keeping something from you, but I think the biggest problem is that money is just not talked about. Once you trust someone, I think opening up about money and sharing your financial goals and problems is a really important part of knowing whether you and that individual fit together.
June 5, 2009 at 9:35 am
I agree with John that there’s no way to know. Going into marriage after a 3 year courtship, my hubby was the frugal one and I was clueless (but thot I knew). He took care of the $, so after a couple months he clued me in on my spending and I still had no clue but instead of spending whatever I wanted, I spent as little as possible (like, nothing), to avoid another ‘lecture’. Now, 8 years into marriage, I am primarily the $ watcher (though I try to include him) and he is very averse to any talk about the $ and doesn’t care to watch his spending. VERY frustrating; I never imagined this would come…. Good news is, we have no consumer debt. Bad news, he wants to spend every $ that doesn’t pay a fixed bill: no savings, EF, etc. I am chipping away patiently at him; works better than hacking!
June 5, 2009 at 10:11 am
a link to the SNL skit “Don’t but stuff you cannot afford”
http://consumerist.com/consumer/clips/snl-skit-dont-buy-stuff-you-cant-afford-252491.php
June 5, 2009 at 10:17 am
John, you’re being delusional…
you don’t need to see into someones head to know how they are with money..just look around. Are there unopened bills? Do they make $40K/yr and live like they make $80K ? … trust me there are signals, you just have to look for them.
Been there done that … not happening again … not even in the name of love (as some people say).
June 5, 2009 at 10:23 am
It took me more than 10 years to realize that my Delusional Dick was never going to change. I was tired of policing the money so I left his ass. I’ve never been happier and my finances are in the best shape they’ve been in my entire adult life.
I see so many couples on the show where one partner is willfully closing their eyes to the fact that their partner is a Delusional Dick. If you know someone in that kind of relationship, there’s nothing you can do to open their eyes – just be prepared to pick up the pieces once they finally have the realization themselves.
June 5, 2009 at 11:32 am
“lots of people don’t want the financial liability today of kids
And no wonder.Who would.”
Guess I’m the stupid one then. I have three. And just so you know, three is the new two around here. There are a TON of three kid families and I’ve seen a few four and five kid families too.
I do not consider my kids a financial liability. Truth be told, they are the reason I learned how to slow down and appreciate life and get my finances under control so that I could be a Mom first and foremost and not a crazy workaholic consumed by earnings.
June 5, 2009 at 11:32 am
Overall lesson? Don’t let a Dick get into a hole…bahhahaha
June 5, 2009 at 11:36 am
Betty:
Didn’t you know that EF and savings contibutions ARE fixed bills? They come out of the account the day you get your paycheck!
Gail: What do you mean, ‘credit is cheap’? I don’t remember seeing that! …and we all know it’s not true;)
June 5, 2009 at 11:46 am
i was married to a ‘delusional dick’…………..he still hasn’t learned…….
June 5, 2009 at 1:26 pm
Sorry Elizabeth not delusional( I don’t know how that word got into it, you better look it up)
I just know from many years of dealing with people…
I never say never..you yourself might know all about people beforehand and what they will do….I don’t pretend to.
June 5, 2009 at 1:30 pm
Sorry Omzig the younger set today is not having near the number of children as their previous parents did and not even in “blended or second families combined”
June 5, 2009 at 1:40 pm
Yes Betty that how it goes its about right on.
being a long time contractor now retired
I have never seen everything..but have seen and met enough people,situations to have gleaned some tellings.
its actually quite common for if it isn’t the male, its the female who is plundering the dough.
June 5, 2009 at 1:46 pm
Sometimes kids come before people know each other. Three families I love dearly were formed by shotgun weddings (warning: there is no birth control that is fool-proof) and they ended up hitched before they really knew each other at all! One married an I-deserve-it-so-I-am-living-rich and another got stuck with a selfish-good-for-nothing-over-sized-child, and the third was completely deceived by a lots-of-hidden-debt-keeping-things-from-my-wife, two-faced jerk. These women are miserable about their financial stranglehold, and try to make it work because other than the money, these men are decent parents and loving spouses. Just complete Dicks about the misery and misfortune they are putting on the household! These women come across as nags or know-it-alls, and quite often shut up and put up, dealing with the stress on their own.
I was REALLY LUCKY! Fortune would have it that in college my best friend’s boyfriend was a terrific roomate (4 of us in a 2 bedroom apartment). Tidy, financially responsible and loyal to his family, his employer and his values. My boyfriend went away, my best friend left, and this ex of hers and myself ended up happily coexisting for quite a while on a plutonic level. I learned that I loved his family, really respected him, and couldn’t imagine living with anyone else! So I initiated us dating (very strange to date after living together so long), and this year we will be celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary! It’s not the Cinderella love story, but I think it’s much better because we really got to know each other very well on the important items of running a household together long before any romantic ideas happened.
You mention optimism. I am really optimistic, and the reason I can be is because I have safety nets all over the place! I have a will, insurance, savings, always a “plan B” before I head out. I am not expecting the worst to happen, but I can feel confident that if it does it won’t be the end of the world, and that leaves me to be confident that everything will turn out fine! Happy happy me!
June 5, 2009 at 2:20 pm
WOW, there are a lot of strong opinions about this and some of them seem fairly bitter. Maybe I see it differently.
I am married to a “delusional dick” and we have 2 boys. We also have been together for 23 years. The signs might be there but when you are young and having fun, you don’t see them. No children, lots of disposable income and we both spent more than we should. We didn’t know about or think about the future, EF, savings.
23 years later and not that he has his head in the sand but he also wants to live life in the now and worry about the future…..never.
To counter act the way he is, I pay all the bills and take care of the finances. I have a pop up on my computer as a reminder when he gets paid and I pay the bills on that day. At the same time I take money out for savings, emergency fund and even a little for next week when the account is empty and we have another week to go. He knows I do this and it works for us.
Loving someone that has different ideas on money can work if you are willing to work at it and there is some give and take.
Yes we fight about money sometimes but not very often and yes we were in a bad spot even a year or two ago but I am cleaning it up using our money. I did give up for awhile and took the attitude if he doesn’t care why should I. I couldn’t live that way and did something about it. Leaving didn’t enter my mind. Finding a way to fix things did.
Gail has helped us a lot and changed my thinking and to a smaller extent his thinking.
June 5, 2009 at 2:23 pm
I work at a large company that offers benefits, but everyone must have the minimum option for Life Insurance and LTD (Long Term Disability).. the amount of new ‘young’ employees who complain about having to spend $15 a YEAR on the minimum life insurance, or LTD and indicate to me that they are “Healthy” and won’t need it etc.. is mind blowing. I have to explain that LTD isn’t just when you become unhealthy,.. there are other idiots out there who may knock you over with their car and you can’t work.. what do you do then? It’s the “duh” factor… they don’t realize that you can’t PLAN for accidents, unknown health issues, etc.
June 5, 2009 at 2:24 pm
LoL!! Sorry John it’s all that the person hangs around with of having more than a few kids.. My married bro… is on his fifth and friends I know have more than three to ten kids.. So it’s not all of us younger set of today but the crowd that thinks get a career, get married, have two cars, two jobs a bigger house with two incomes to pay for it not just one income and when happy with all that put in a two to three kids in the mix…
I’m married to a Delusional Dick that a small raise gives him more spending money and left over cash it’s all spending.. So with Gail Ideas I’ve made more categories and call them bills and taken away the credit card and tell him that it’s too high to use which his happy with his cash only since he sees it’s disappearing on him.. I figured out before we got married that he was a spender just because he never said NO to some of the expensive dates we had… We’ve never gotten that far into debt of the people on the show with our good income.. His always paid off the cc once a year!!! Always had one cc in debt under fifeteen thousand with a vehicle loan.. Now money is tighter since we bought a townhouse… but we will have five grand paid off now to Dec. and the rest paid in next July off the cc. then we will totally forget we have to use cc and have more cash to put in all the extra categories i made to save for future expenses!!! YAY!! Slowly getting through his think skull… Also I have a pt job which I take the pay and put it in savings account and we never use since i want to put it aside for a big trip across the sea to celebrate when the loan is paid off and money in advance for bills to go on the trip which is my big goal…
June 5, 2009 at 2:38 pm
John, you have your experiences and I have mine.. I’ve never pretended to be something I’m not and I don’t put up with it from others (who are in my life). Call me skeptic, pessimistic, negative…I call it being careful and knowing what I want in life. Life is tough enough without Dicks being involved.
June 5, 2009 at 3:34 pm
Sorry LOL Bud
Let me clarify it
Lots( I never did originally type all you know) of the younger ones today can’t afford more kids.
Having just two low income young adults can often be a holding pattern for some couples, depending individual circumstances which vary.
Its a personal call that each baliwick makes, usually.
There is people who don’t even make a combined family income of the $60,000 general average.
Actually quite a few.
The second income may be a necessity.
AND if you are married or co habitating and relying one sole full time average income then think about it…..one partner is going to have underfunded, all but non existant cpp and no cpp disability entitlement (you see you have to be working full time so many years to be eligible for cpp disability).
Don’t forget..What if the sole earner gets sick? long term and no benefits.
Lots of places don’t have benefits..lots do yeah I know but lots don’t.
June 5, 2009 at 4:50 pm
Hmm, well to be honest i also feel children are not a financial liability. I have two boys and look forward to having at least two more children. my sister has 4 and both my brothers have 3. My parents had four. I know lots of younger people having larger than average families. To me family is more important that waiting to have kids after a career. my children bring me far more joy than any amount of money ever could. Does this mean we will sit back and not work. For now i am a stay at home mom while my husband brings home the money, but i do have a home based buisness bringing in a little to help out.
I use to pay the bills and use whatever left over for spending, but now we live on a budget. are we perfect at staying on the budget?
No we sometimes go on a spending binge or spend a little more than planned. But at least now we are more concious of our spending.
Anywho thats just my two cents on the children and liability topic.
June 5, 2009 at 5:41 pm
And another way you can slice it to is over half the mariages end in divorce…thats a plain fact.
so if the man pays child support and thats the case in the majority of endings isn’t lit?
Then lets see if he is a modest earner(22-30 g’s year) paying the maximum and the kids are getting educated to on his tab then they can be a serious cost factor.
June 5, 2009 at 6:01 pm
I just wanna clarify that I am frustrated with hubby’s current spending habits, but love him to pieces and respect him for many other strengths.
And kids is what life is about, IMO… so we have only 4 because that’s all we can afford reasonably in terms of time, dollars and sanity.
June 5, 2009 at 10:34 pm
What bothers me most of these conversations is how some people believe children are a liability. When these children grow up where do you think their tax dollars are going? They are going to keep paying into the pension fund, keep the streets intact, healthcare etc. This country is continueing to emmigrate because we don’t have enough children being born. It is also frustrating that people perpetuate a negative stance of having children and that an certain income is the determinant for having them and starting a family. Perhaps to all that are against having children because of the finacial risk, should go and give their mother a hug and say thank you for taking that risk and investing in you
June 6, 2009 at 12:14 am
Erran, leave it to you to make the dirty comment! hahaha
June 6, 2009 at 9:34 am
Its not negative at all.
Simply stating actual dollars and sense facts.
Dirty Comment?
Runs right off my back.
so Ha Ha to you back.
June 6, 2009 at 10:14 am
Children can change your whole financial picture in the blink of an eye…I was pregnant with our second son when our first son was diagnosed with severe autism at 18 months…then the second son was born with Tuberoussclerosis (not T.B.)..and he also has tourette’s…so, with these two high needs children it made sense for me to work only part time and my husband who earned more $ to be the major breadwinner…another mistake as his job didn’t pay benefits and then to top all of that off my husband got hit with an illness at age 45 that made him have to retire from work and collect his c.p.p. disability pension…so I went to work full time…our family is very high needs…we now have great benefits with my job so that helps alot and all the credit card debt is gone etc…just the mortgage left but all those years when the kids were little and we were trying to muddle through we had BIG debt and we lived off those little plastic cards alot…things are all organized now but it’s been a long haul and a huge committment…so if you are planning your first child or your tenth child be prepared for ANYTHING…it can all change in the blink of an eye!!
June 6, 2009 at 1:15 pm
Hmm ok wow this is quite the topic of conversation isn’t it. Ive seen those stats about a lot of marriages ending in divorce. My question is how many of those divorces are first time second time etc….
Both my husband and I made a contract on our marriage day through better and worse. We also went into our marriage with the mindset that Divorce is not an option. This is our opinion where we feel strongly about. I am not attacking divorcees by the way…. just stating how I feel about marriage.
There is no doubt that Kids can get expensive but in my opintion they are more than worth it. When i found out I was pregnant with my youngest son, that same week our car broke and my husband found out that he was not getting his teaching contract renewed. That was a stressful week to say the least. It started on a high note just finding out that our second baby was on the way.
My husband did not give up, we visited family for the summer and he got a job as a car salesman. He didn’t make a lot but it was income and we had options, got our student loans put on interest relief and spent less. In december he finally got a better paying job and we were able to purchase a van from friends for more room for our family.
I can’t say that i like the idea of not having kids just incase the marriage may end up in divorce. Or if you already have kids and your paying support. How is that fair to your current wife who may want kids of her own? just a thought.
June 6, 2009 at 2:23 pm
When you are married to a delusional Dick I guess you have the option of either splitting or figuring out a way to make it work–what do you do however when you are the adult child of a pair of them? You can’t divorce your parents, but I also can’t afford to support them in perpetuity…nor will they listen when I try to broach the subject of a retirement plan. (My dad apparently is “always going to work.”) Suggestions anyone?!
June 6, 2009 at 2:54 pm
To Idk
Yes that is a tough one to deal with
Hopefully they will get the message.
Another tough one nowadays is the children can be ordered by a court to provide support to a parent.
(s)
Its not to common yet but its possible to glean a court ordered support of a parent(s).
June 6, 2009 at 5:46 pm
The way I see it, by having kids, you are committing a significant amount of your “life” jar into raising them for an 18+ year period. From a personal financial perspective, I don’t see how anyone can argue that they’re a sound investment. But neither is a 40” TV or a new car, and people still buy those – and, like children, those purchases go towards keeping society functioning on an even keel. There’s nothing wrong with having kids as long as you can afford them. If you can’t, it’s just as bad as taking on a pile of debt you can’t afford. And frankly, as a taxpayer, I’d prefer not to pay for your screw-ups. Not that I have any more of a choice in that then I do in bailing out GM…
June 6, 2009 at 6:47 pm
Not sure how this blog chat took such a weird segue, but let me toss in my few cents (I have some left over in my entertainment envelop).
Regardless of how many children you have or how well you know your spouse prior to marriage, what would really be both dollar and sanity saving would be for people to return to a more traditional way of life.
Expecting less, but giving and appreciating more.
Parents raising children who know that life is not better just because you have more, children who appreciate family dinners together and not just running from expensive lesson to expensive lesson, children who realize that reading with your parents is better than sitting in front of a video screen.
Families could learn skills from grandparents or aunts and uncles that could help them learn to recycle, reuse or make your own.
I feel that all our families, big or small, would be much happier if this endless and fruitless search for MORE had never been bought into, rather we just appreciated the “bubble” moments in our lives.
“Bubble” moments just sneak up on you when you spend quiet time together doing nothing, and usually cost nothing.
So cherish your partner and love your children and just slow down your life.
I only have one child and lately met someone who felt it appropriate to say that I am not a real mother.
We all have our skewed points of view.
June 6, 2009 at 8:08 pm
Diana sorry to hear that someone had that type of view for only having one child. You are a mother in every way and i agree with many of your points. As a child we didn’t have lots of money and throughout history many people didn’t have lots of money and made out just fine.
simple things made us happy, taking trips, fishing, playing at the park riding bikes, picnics.
I loved hand me downs, it wasn’t until i was in late elementary school that i wanted new clothes.
I also grew up in the country and loved being outdoors, catching frogs and salamanders and yes even worms.
Diana your note really says a lot that I agree with, im just not the best at putting it down in writing.
June 7, 2009 at 12:45 am
Diana and Angela,
Your posts inspired me. As a single mom of two, I often feel that I am not taking my kids out enough, spending enough on them or buying them the best stuff. Before my husband passed, we always had the best of the best of everything. Afterwards, our life did a 180 and we had a large debt with no savings. I’m trying to concentrate on making good memories by spending time together doing fun free stuff. It’s tuff but we’re trying.
June 7, 2009 at 12:49 pm
Tara,
I was a single mom for 12 years. My son and I enjoyed all sorts of free entertainment as he was growing: music in the park, picnics at the local water park, bike rides, roasting weiners in the fireplace singing Home on the Range, etc. We had lots of fun doing really silly things.
He also had soccer, music lessons and scouts (cheaper extracurricular).
When we went out for dinner, I always brought travel scrabble or cribbage so we didn’t just sit there and not interact.
He is now 20 and we remain very close and he still plays scrabble with my new husband and I. The lack of money for dawn to dusk busyness allowed us to bond as I don’t think we would have had things been different.
He remembers our silly adventures with fondness.
I am sorry for your situation. I know what it is like to be judged as a single mother and also to try and make up for the perceived lack of opportunities. It is truly difficult when you are financially and emotionally struggling.
Luckily, love is free.
Your children will always remember and be thankful for your strong presence and love.
All the best to you and your children. I hope things turn around.
June 7, 2009 at 4:54 pm
Tara: I can’t imagine what it must be like to be a single mom and I have no idea what I would do if i ever lost my husband. I do know that my children would be a big part of giving me a reason to move forward. You truly are an insperation for doing yourself while I have help from my husband. I find it difficult to get things done when hes working his long shift work and we see him maybe two hours a day. He does this just four days at a time.
I have lots of respect for single mothers who do their best to provide for their family. Money can be good but when it comes to kids all they really want is our love, and enjoy simple things in life like card board boxes, balls and my sons personal favorite Cars…
I just buy the $1 cars when they go on sale. Whenever i do get him something a bit nicer he plays with it for a bit and reverts back to the box it came in or his cars especially the older ones that have paint coming off them.
Go figure get him a new shiny one and he likes the old one.
It is so easy to get caught up with wanting something new over something used, buying instead of renting etc….
Im just thinking now, as long as my family is happy, stuff is just stuff and is a temporary satisfyer. There will always be something newer and better.
and thinking to my self out loud, enjoy our kids now before they grow up and move on.
Last night ihad a rough night with my boys. Tired cranky.. not leting me
get things done so i too could get ready for bed. I think back now, the most important thing is the happyness of my children, comfort them when they cry, the stuff that needs doing can wait a few minutes.
I think my son felt the stress i had of needing to get everything done quick. Isn’t that our story in life, move along so fast that you miss whats passing you by. Before we know it, our kids will be in school, out of school getting married and having kids of their own.
June 8, 2009 at 6:21 pm
wow, this set of comments went way far away from delusional dicks! Gail, you opened up a whole host of side topics on this one.
January 26, 2010 at 4:17 pm
I really wish I had read this two years ago, before I moved in with my delusional dick. At first I let the spending happen, and even joined in some. Then the stress of the debt got to me and I moved on to playing mommy, which was no fun and eventually that caused enough of a riff for us to part ways. If only I had the control to leave things seperated and not help him out. I would have saved myself a number of headaches and I’d have a lot less debt.
Live and learn though.