Comments on: What do you Really want? http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/631 Thu, 09 Feb 2012 02:58:08 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: michelle http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/631/comment-page-1#comment-11473 michelle Tue, 19 May 2009 17:01:36 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=631#comment-11473 ...it's soo how I have come to think, thanks for putting it into words...I've copied it and forwarded it to my ostrich husband...I'll keep you posted on how that fairs out! …it’s soo how I have come to think, thanks for putting it into words…I’ve copied it and forwarded it to my ostrich husband…I’ll keep you posted on how that fairs out!

]]> By: Mountain Girl http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/631/comment-page-1#comment-11385 Mountain Girl Sun, 17 May 2009 22:52:31 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=631#comment-11385 Gail, I'm in the middle of reading a book that you have recommended often: Your Money or Your Life. What a great set of questions and exercises to help answer that very question: what do I want? I am in the middle of my mat leave and am going through that phase of really questioning whether or not I want to return to work full-time. I love my job and my career - I have followed my heart when choosing work and that has really paid off for me happiness-wise. It also helped me learn to live on a tighter budget (I work in the combined fields of theatre and environmental education - I know, big money, eh?) But I am also now finding tremendous fulfillment as a mother and I feel quite strongly that my son needs me there for a few more years. Luckily, my husband feels the same as I do and is committed to finding a way for our family to live on one income. Because we've been frugal and are months away from debt-free, we have that choice. Staying home is an option. It will mean that we won't be saving as fast, so home ownership, travel, etc will be put off a little longer, but right now, those things have moved down the priority list. Your Money or Your Life has been an interesting read during this period and has really helped frame the right questions for us to answer. Whatever the decision, full-time, part-time or stay at home mum, I feel like we will have really explored what each option means emotionally and financially. Gail, I’m in the middle of reading a book that you have recommended often: Your Money or Your Life. What a great set of questions and exercises to help answer that very question: what do I want?
I am in the middle of my mat leave and am going through that phase of really questioning whether or not I want to return to work full-time. I love my job and my career – I have followed my heart when choosing work and that has really paid off for me happiness-wise. It also helped me learn to live on a tighter budget (I work in the combined fields of theatre and environmental education – I know, big money, eh?)
But I am also now finding tremendous fulfillment as a mother and I feel quite strongly that my son needs me there for a few more years. Luckily, my husband feels the same as I do and is committed to finding a way for our family to live on one income. Because we’ve been frugal and are months away from debt-free, we have that choice. Staying home is an option.
It will mean that we won’t be saving as fast, so home ownership, travel, etc will be put off a little longer, but right now, those things have moved down the priority list.
Your Money or Your Life has been an interesting read during this period and has really helped frame the right questions for us to answer. Whatever the decision, full-time, part-time or stay at home mum, I feel like we will have really explored what each option means emotionally and financially.

]]> By: Marie http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/631/comment-page-1#comment-11335 Marie Sat, 16 May 2009 19:43:56 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=631#comment-11335 Nadine: If you had a free day every week, how would you spend it to be happy? Give something a try for one hour or so. Remember that what you really want may change with time. Realising that is also very important. What do I have and how do I use it to make myself happy? Nadine:
If you had a free day every week, how would you spend it to be happy? Give something a try for one hour or so.

Remember that what you really want may change with time. Realising that is also very important. What do I have and how do I use it to make myself happy?

]]> By: nadine http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/631/comment-page-1#comment-11334 nadine Sat, 16 May 2009 19:27:08 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=631#comment-11334 Gail's post brings me back to the same place I get to every time I try to figure out what I really want. It's always just seemed to be that it doesn't matter what I want, I just do whatever needs to be done and make the best of wherever I end up. I'm not complaining - I've done OK for myself and thanks to Gail, my debt is well on its way to disappearing - but every time someone brings up the subject of what you really want, I have no idea. I know what I don't want and have basically spent my life trying my best to not have whatever those things are. I've never figured out how to move from there to discovering what I really really want. I can never think of an answer. I envy people who know. Gail’s post brings me back to the same place I get to every time I try to figure out what I really want. It’s always just seemed to be that it doesn’t matter what I want, I just do whatever needs to be done and make the best of wherever I end up. I’m not complaining – I’ve done OK for myself and thanks to Gail, my debt is well on its way to disappearing – but every time someone brings up the subject of what you really want, I have no idea. I know what I don’t want and have basically spent my life trying my best to not have whatever those things are. I’ve never figured out how to move from there to discovering what I really really want. I can never think of an answer. I envy people who know.

]]> By: Caroline http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/631/comment-page-1#comment-11318 Caroline Sat, 16 May 2009 12:32:19 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=631#comment-11318 I am in a time in my life where I work so much at my career and it is because I love helping people and there is such a need for this in my field BUT I am getting burned out and losing track of me; hobbies? I don't think I could name something I do in my spare time...Just because there was a lack in the community and I can provide the service should not be the reason I forget about me and what I really want.. the demands made on us seem to make it what we do and not necessarily what we want and this is how the process starts to put ourselves last! Great blog to help us re assess this, thanks so much Gail. I am in a time in my life where I work so much at my career and it is because I love helping people and there is such a need for this in my field BUT I am getting burned out and losing track of me; hobbies? I don’t think I could name something I do in my spare time…Just because there was a lack in the community and I can provide the service should not be the reason I forget about me and what I really want.. the demands made on us seem to make it what we do and not necessarily what we want and this is how the process starts to put ourselves last!
Great blog to help us re assess this, thanks so much Gail.

]]> By: angela http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/631/comment-page-1#comment-11303 angela Sat, 16 May 2009 04:15:56 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=631#comment-11303 I always knew that I really wanted a family, i love my boys and love being pregnant and really don't mind the delivery that much, although my first was a longone, it was totally worth it. Family is very important to me, and my husband and I both came into our marriage with with a big debt load. Were slowly working at getting that down, we make some progress then we get off track a little. Our van will be paid off at the end of the month and we will have $500 more a month to pay off our debt. We got a little off track this past month after we got our incometax return, bought a few things inlcuding a wii and wii fit, and lawn mower. A few things we needed. The wii fit has been great i have lost 10 lbs using it. yay!!!! anywho, we got off our budget and the jars for a month and just this week were getting back on. we are a work in progress. I always knew that I really wanted a family, i love my boys and love being pregnant and really don’t mind the delivery that much, although my first was a longone, it was totally worth it. Family is very important to me, and my husband and I both came into our marriage with with a big debt load. Were slowly working at getting that down, we make some progress then we get off track a little. Our van will be paid off at the end of the month and we will have $500 more a month to pay off our debt. We got a little off track this past month after we got our incometax return, bought a few things inlcuding a wii and wii fit, and lawn mower. A few things we needed. The wii fit has been great i have lost 10 lbs using it. yay!!!!

anywho, we got off our budget and the jars for a month and just this week were getting back on.

we are a work in progress.

]]> By: EchoLake http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/631/comment-page-1#comment-11287 EchoLake Fri, 15 May 2009 21:13:59 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=631#comment-11287 Health and happiness may seem like vague wants - but I have been dealing with a health issue all of my life and happiness has not always come easy. I now make weekly goals that help me achieve these wants - from regular exercise and eating healthy, to dealing with our family finances - it makes life much happier and healthier. My long term want is to live to an older age then my parents (my mom passed away at 49 and my dad is still kicking at 70) - while being happy, healthy, and financially sound the whole way. Health and happiness may seem like vague wants – but I have been dealing with a health issue all of my life and happiness has not always come easy.

I now make weekly goals that help me achieve these wants – from regular exercise and eating healthy, to dealing with our family finances – it makes life much happier and healthier.

My long term want is to live to an older age then my parents (my mom passed away at 49 and my dad is still kicking at 70) – while being happy, healthy, and financially sound the whole way.

]]> By: Erran http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/631/comment-page-1#comment-11286 Erran Fri, 15 May 2009 20:04:02 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=631#comment-11286 *pol: Thanks for sharing that story! Wow...I think I'm identifying with your old hubby too much these days...just trying to find myself again after some life challenges. Good inspiration. Thanks for the perspective! I swear this is like pseudo-therapy support sometimes. Lol. *pol: Thanks for sharing that story! Wow…I think I’m identifying with your old hubby too much these days…just trying to find myself again after some life challenges. Good inspiration. Thanks for the perspective! I swear this is like pseudo-therapy support sometimes. Lol.

]]> By: Saver Queen http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/631/comment-page-1#comment-11283 Saver Queen Fri, 15 May 2009 19:11:54 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=631#comment-11283 Sometimes it's hard to figure out what you really want. And sometimes what we want changes, and it's hard to always recognize or accept that. Sometimes it's easy to know what we want in vague terms (to be happy and healthy) but what does that mean for our long-term goals as well as our daily functioning? It's sure easy to get lost along the way. And sometimes making mistakes or going down a few wrong paths is the only way we can figure it out. Sometimes it’s hard to figure out what you really want. And sometimes what we want changes, and it’s hard to always recognize or accept that. Sometimes it’s easy to know what we want in vague terms (to be happy and healthy) but what does that mean for our long-term goals as well as our daily functioning?

It’s sure easy to get lost along the way. And sometimes making mistakes or going down a few wrong paths is the only way we can figure it out.

]]> By: Chris http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/631/comment-page-1#comment-11280 Chris Fri, 15 May 2009 18:20:11 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=631#comment-11280 Knowing what you REALLY want in this life is really a really key anchor. Ideall, everything you do, including decisions on spending, saving and debt, would stem from a really clear set of life goals, and you'd be able to articulate exactly how the things you do move you closer to achieving them. In my experience though, figuring out what those goals are is difficult - you might think at one point that you really want to be a lawyer or social worker, for example, and after going back to school for a bit realize that it wasn't quite what you wanted after all - so you maybe think about it a bit more and try something else. Also, as others have pointed out, you may say that becoming debt-free is a priority, but then regularly succumb to temptation and run up the credit card bills instead - so your actions bely your stated priorities - so clearly becoming debt-free isn't really a priority! I believe that an understanding of what you really want is something you grow into slowly. I'm not quite sure what I want out of life, but thus far I've managed to work out a hazy idea of at least the values I want to live my life by (they include frugality, stewardship of collective environmental and social resources, human rights, and peace) , and I'm trying to align all aspects of my living with those, including money matters. In terms of concrete goals... hopefully I, and all of you, will grow into them in the fullness of time. Knowing what you REALLY want in this life is really a really key anchor. Ideall, everything you do, including decisions on spending, saving and debt, would stem from a really clear set of life goals, and you’d be able to articulate exactly how the things you do move you closer to achieving them. In my experience though, figuring out what those goals are is difficult – you might think at one point that you really want to be a lawyer or social worker, for example, and after going back to school for a bit realize that it wasn’t quite what you wanted after all – so you maybe think about it a bit more and try something else. Also, as others have pointed out, you may say that becoming debt-free is a priority, but then regularly succumb to temptation and run up the credit card bills instead – so your actions bely your stated priorities – so clearly becoming debt-free isn’t really a priority!

I believe that an understanding of what you really want is something you grow into slowly. I’m not quite sure what I want out of life, but thus far I’ve managed to work out a hazy idea of at least the values I want to live my life by (they include frugality, stewardship of collective environmental and social resources, human rights, and peace) , and I’m trying to align all aspects of my living with those, including money matters. In terms of concrete goals… hopefully I, and all of you, will grow into them in the fullness of time.

]]> By: *pol http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/631/comment-page-1#comment-11277 *pol Fri, 15 May 2009 17:22:55 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=631#comment-11277 I love this post... it's one of those soul-searching, meaning-of-life ones. I have been married (coming up on) 15 years, and most of those years have been fulfilling.... full of growth and learning experiences, but there was a time around year 11 when I thought there was no way we would stay together. We seemed to be rolling on different tracks (I started loathing the sound of his voice). BUT I thought about what I REALLY wanted, and what I wanted was my husband -- the father of my children -- to be in my life and to be happy with him. It was hard, I had to look past my aggrivation and look at him with fresh eyes to try to find the root of it. I observed him, and he looked terribly unhappy with me too, it felt absolutely terrible. One night I went out on a limb and asked him what brings him joy. He said the saddest thing I have ever heard, he said "I don't know". I told him LOTS of things bring me joy, more things than I can list, and feeling joy is a priority for me, I told him he should find out where HIS happiness comes from. Thankfully he realized that he wasn't really living, he was sleepwalking from one commitment to another (job, housework, fatherhood). And as he "woke up" to his life, our marriage woke up too. He gave himself permission to find out what he really wanted and took steps towards it too. It was a close call! He could have easily decided that staying with me wasn't what he wanted, or he may have decided that he really wanted to quit his job or some other stressful upheaval, we could have easily just let ourselves drift apart.... instead he found a hobby that brought him joy that he could share with the whole family -- dirt biking and camping! (We are both "frugal" so we work extra to suppliment the fun time, it's worth it to have a happy husband!) I am in love with him all over again. It will be interesting what the next 15 years will bring. I love this post… it’s one of those soul-searching, meaning-of-life ones.

I have been married (coming up on) 15 years, and most of those years have been fulfilling…. full of growth and learning experiences, but there was a time around year 11 when I thought there was no way we would stay together.
We seemed to be rolling on different tracks (I started loathing the sound of his voice). BUT I thought about what I REALLY wanted, and what I wanted was my husband — the father of my children — to be in my life and to be happy with him.
It was hard, I had to look past my aggrivation and look at him with fresh eyes to try to find the root of it. I observed him, and he looked terribly unhappy with me too, it felt absolutely terrible.
One night I went out on a limb and asked him what brings him joy. He said the saddest thing I have ever heard, he said “I don’t know”.
I told him LOTS of things bring me joy, more things than I can list, and feeling joy is a priority for me, I told him he should find out where HIS happiness comes from.
Thankfully he realized that he wasn’t really living, he was sleepwalking from one commitment to another (job, housework, fatherhood). And as he “woke up” to his life, our marriage woke up too. He gave himself permission to find out what he really wanted and took steps towards it too.
It was a close call! He could have easily decided that staying with me wasn’t what he wanted, or he may have decided that he really wanted to quit his job or some other stressful upheaval, we could have easily just let ourselves drift apart…. instead he found a hobby that brought him joy that he could share with the whole family — dirt biking and camping! (We are both “frugal” so we work extra to suppliment the fun time, it’s worth it to have a happy husband!) I am in love with him all over again. It will be interesting what the next 15 years will bring.

]]> By: ioana http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/631/comment-page-1#comment-11274 ioana Fri, 15 May 2009 16:49:39 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=631#comment-11274 Virginia - by the way, please read carefully the small script on those company matching resp. I had one at a previous company, and they had this condition on "being vested" with the company for more than 4 years. That means that if you do not stay with the company for x number of years, they claw it back. And they did. Even though , I was in the company for more than 4 years. However the company got bought by another company who bought that one (small fish eaten by bigger eaten by bigger fish) so they reset my vested time and a few years later, when I left, took 1/2 of the money. just a note. Virginia – by the way, please read carefully the small script on those company matching resp. I had one at a previous company, and they had this condition on “being vested” with the company for more than 4 years. That means that if you do not stay with the company for x number of years, they claw it back. And they did. Even though , I was in the company for more than 4 years. However the company got bought by another company who bought that one (small fish eaten by bigger eaten by bigger fish) so they reset my vested time and a few years later, when I left, took 1/2 of the money.

just a note.

]]> By: Anna http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/631/comment-page-1#comment-11271 Anna Fri, 15 May 2009 16:31:28 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=631#comment-11271 Great post Gail. I've learned to drill down to what I want by asking "why?" until there are no more answers...why did I want to be debt free? So I didn't have to worry about it. Why? So I could spend what I wanted. Why? So that I could take care of my family. Why did I want to do that? Because I love them. Why do I love them? Because they make me happy. As for happiness - I love a quote from Anne Morrow Lindbergh: "Don't wish me happiness - I don't expect to be happy... Wish me courage and strength and a sense of humor - I will need them all." Great post Gail.

I’ve learned to drill down to what I want by asking “why?” until there are no more answers…why did I want to be debt free? So I didn’t have to worry about it. Why? So I could spend what I wanted. Why? So that I could take care of my family. Why did I want to do that? Because I love them. Why do I love them? Because they make me happy.

As for happiness – I love a quote from Anne Morrow Lindbergh: “Don’t wish me happiness – I don’t expect to be happy… Wish me courage and strength and a sense of humor – I will need them all.”

]]> By: EchoLake http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/631/comment-page-1#comment-11270 EchoLake Fri, 15 May 2009 15:58:31 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=631#comment-11270 What do I really want? I want to live a healthy and happy life. My husband and I own our own business and we have one part-time employee. Due to a family issue - our part-time in employee is on leave of absence - so I am working the hours she normally does - and receiving the funds that would normally be paid to her. The extra money is nice - but in order to live the healthy part of my want - I would rather have the time to exercise more, to prepare healthier meals, to meditate and destress. I am looking forward to the day when she returns, so my life can return to normal - and the extra money will not be missed. What do I really want? I want to live a healthy and happy life. My husband and I own our own business and we have one part-time employee. Due to a family issue – our part-time in employee is on leave of absence – so I am working the hours she normally does – and receiving the funds that would normally be paid to her. The extra money is nice – but in order to live the healthy part of my want – I would rather have the time to exercise more, to prepare healthier meals, to meditate and destress. I am looking forward to the day when she returns, so my life can return to normal – and the extra money will not be missed.

]]> By: Stacey http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/631/comment-page-1#comment-11266 Stacey Fri, 15 May 2009 14:20:10 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=631#comment-11266 I know that I too, just want to be 'happy' and content with, and in, life. Part of that is being healthier - if I knew what was going on with me to achieve that part. I've made the proper steps in the right direction. I want a new job, doing something that I enjoy and working for 'good' (making others happy?) and not 'evil' (top VPs bonuses). However, I do not know what type of positions are out there that I would fit into and 'be happy' with. Sure, the ultimate 'what I want' is to win a big jackpot and be able to take care of my family and friends, etc (mostly to buy a proper headstone for my parents) but we all know that that is not something that can be earned, so would it make me happy? Probably, but who is kidding who? lol These days, to achieve my 'happy', my boyfriend and I have been going to High Park on the weekends and feeding the wildlife. Nothing makes you think "ah, this is the way it is supposed to be..." than handfeeding a beautiful downy woodpecker, knowing that you made *his* day. :-) (now, if I could do that full time, sans-job, ooooo.... heaven) It's all baby steps to 'what I want'. I know that I too, just want to be ‘happy’ and content with, and in, life.
Part of that is being healthier – if I knew what was going on with me to achieve that part. I’ve made the proper steps in the right direction.
I want a new job, doing something that I enjoy and working for ‘good’ (making others happy?) and not ‘evil’ (top VPs bonuses). However, I do not know what type of positions are out there that I would fit into and ‘be happy’ with.
Sure, the ultimate ‘what I want’ is to win a big jackpot and be able to take care of my family and friends, etc (mostly to buy a proper headstone for my parents) but we all know that that is not something that can be earned, so would it make me happy? Probably, but who is kidding who? lol
These days, to achieve my ‘happy’, my boyfriend and I have been going to High Park on the weekends and feeding the wildlife. Nothing makes you think “ah, this is the way it is supposed to be…” than handfeeding a beautiful downy woodpecker, knowing that you made *his* day. :-) (now, if I could do that full time, sans-job, ooooo…. heaven) It’s all baby steps to ‘what I want’.

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