Try versus Do
Posted by Gail | Filed under Life Lessons
When I was growing up, I was fed a steady diet of aphorisms: sayings that delivered the maximum wisdom with the minimum words. I heard things like, “Actions speak louder than words” and “A fool and his money are soon parted.” These words ran like tapes in my head and became a part of my brainscape, a part of who I became, as did:
- You can’t have your cake and eat it too,
- Winners never quit and quitters never win, and
- There’s more than one way to skin cat.
As I grew, my storehouse of aphorisms grew. I added to them from books I read and movies I watched. Any short, pithy wisdom made it into the fold. One of my favorites is from the Star Wars movies. Remember when Yoda said, “Do, or do not. There is no try.” That one really stuck with me.
I think “trying” is something people do when they’re not really sure they’ll succeed. It’s an out. “I’ll try,” is an admission that you’re not sure that you will, but you want to make the attempt. Like the mom who says, “I’m going to try and get Baby Girl to use the potty,” the intent is to make an attempt but leave room in case Baby Girl just isn’t ready yet.
The problem with “trying” is that there’s not enough determination behind it to keep you going through the tough spots. It’s easy to wuss out on trying. I think “trying” is actually a way of saying, “I don’t really think I am strong enough to accomplish this, so I’m hoping to earn some points for my intent.”
It’s funny the difference between the two small words, “try” and “do.” Compare the two statements below and think about your gut reaction to them:
- I’m trying to get out of debt
- I’m getting out of debt
Which one do you find more convincing?
When I say that I’m going to do something, I do it. When I say, “I’ll try,” it’s often code for “I don’t think I’ll make it.”
Compare these two statements:
- Sure, I’ll come to your party.
- I’ll try and make it to your party.
Which person is going to show up?
Perhaps the difference between the people who succeed at becoming debt-free and those who don’t is in the very words they use to describe what they are doing. The act of becoming debt free – the doing as opposed to just trying – is what it takes to succeed.
For the next week, eliminate the word “try” from your vocabulary. Each time you hear yourself say, “I’ll try,” stop and rephrase to “I will.” Make some notes about how it works for you.
Each of us has the power to achieve the things we are committed to whether it be debt freedom, career improvement, or curtailing our shopping. Have a look at some of the commitments you think you have made, and decide if you’re determined to do, or just trying. Then stop trying.
Do!
May 12, 2009 at 9:03 am
My pet peeve is when people say ‘they didn’t have time’ to do something. Sure they did, they choose not to; they had just as much time to not do it as do it.
May 12, 2009 at 9:17 am
I think that when we say that we will try we are actually saying we will not do it.
May 12, 2009 at 9:18 am
I hear ya there Geoff.
There are lots of convenient phrases people use to avoid actually following through with plans, or commitments, etc.
Here’s another aphorism for you, Gail. It’s one that I was told many, many years ago. It has helped me in many ways.
“If you can, do. If you can’t, learn how.”
May 12, 2009 at 9:24 am
Is it wrong I could hear Gail’s voice doing Yoda???
I work hard to eliminate ‘try’ from my students’ vocabulary. It definitely is not easy. I always say “Try means you’re giving yourself an excuse to not do it or not do it well. Don’t give yourself that out”
May 12, 2009 at 9:31 am
“Each time you hear yourself say, “I’ll try,” stop and rephrase to “I will.”
Or you could say, ” I am”……eg., saving money; working on my budget today and then visualize doing it. Make it active now not tomorrow.
May 12, 2009 at 10:21 am
Thanks for the advice Gail!
This is something that I WILL DO. (not I will try to do).
May 12, 2009 at 11:48 am
I had a teacher in junior high tell us to replace “I can’t” with “I won’t.”
For example, “I can’t do math” turns into “I won’t do math.”
I appreciated the change of perspective, giving you personal responsibility for what you succeed at.
May 12, 2009 at 12:10 pm
” I will try to get rid of debt ” vs ” I am getting rid of my debt ”
How do you know which one you are doing?
Calculate your net worth at the end of each month. You’ll know. After every calculation, if your net worth increased, write in BIG letters: “I am getting rid of my debt!”
I do not feel bad about using the word ‘try’ when I have limited control over events. It is better to try than do nothing. I know people affraid to ‘do’ (in case they fail) and never try. Give it your best shot. If success did not happen, check why and keep it in mind for next time. But assess each ‘try’ so you learn that you can ‘do’. Confidence building exercise!
May 12, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Although not a money “try”. For years I wanted to lose weight and sometimes I would try. In January 2008 I decided that I would lose weight – there was no choice – so far I have lost 73 lbs. and I am just 11 lbs. to my goal. No more “trying” for me.
So, now we are saving for a trip to Hawaii. No “trying” we are.
The other phrase I hate besides “try”. Is “I deserve” this that or the other thing. Mostly I hear this statement from people who can’t afford what they figure they deserve – but they still go on the vacation or buy the big screen TV and then complain when they can’t afford groceries.
From Gail I have learned – deserve is earned through saving – paying up front for the rewards we earn in life. I am determined to never pay interest on something “I deserved”. I will save for such rewards – and not just “try” to save.
May 12, 2009 at 12:56 pm
Then there are those irratating people that tell you they will see you there, and then don’t show up! That is lying!
I was taught that I shouldn’t make a promise I can’t keep. So instead of saying, “I will see you there” I say, “I really want to come, but I have to check first”. Sure it sounds like a half-assed commitment, but if I think I could be lying by saying I’ll do it, then I feel terrible!
I do not TRY to manage money though, I just DO IT! It feels so good to know what’s happening with it. And there is no one to blame but me if it doesn’t work out.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush,
a borrower nor a lender be,
nobody plans to fail, but plenty fail to plan
…. etc… etc…
May 12, 2009 at 1:34 pm
Thanks for the inspiration! You’re so right about why we use the word ‘try’. I find myself using it a lot these days for a variety of reasons. It’s time to stop that.
May 12, 2009 at 1:56 pm
I agree with winkwink also. When my boys used to tell me they “can’t do….” I would tell them the only thing they can’t do is give birth, and even that could change with new technology. On a lighter note, I used to tell them that the only thing I can’t do is “pee standing up without splashing my ankles!” It’s all in our mindset. I see now that when I say I am going to ‘try’ to quit drinking pop, again, that I am giving myself permission to fail. Not a good starting point, so I am going to set a date, and just quit. Not try, but do. The debt repayment is in progress, and it feels so good to track on my charts each balance going down. No more trying, I am doing, thanks to Gail and this site.
May 12, 2009 at 2:38 pm
Echo Lake – congrats on your weight loss success and determination to succeed in other goals!
Geoff – I feel the same way. It’s basically saying “I chose not to prioritize that”.
Suzanne, that’s hilarious about your example of giving birth!
May 12, 2009 at 3:39 pm
Gail is the third person to use Yoda to make a point since the beginning of this month. This quote was also used by a networking specialist and a retirement financial adviser.
All hail Yoda!
May 12, 2009 at 4:07 pm
How about “why do today what you can put off til tomorrow”
May 12, 2009 at 4:27 pm
Derek, I always kinda liked “why put off until tommorow what you can get away with never doing?” (some comedian) g
May 12, 2009 at 4:29 pm
ok, quote from the Simpson’s: “Can’t someone else do it?”
May 12, 2009 at 8:56 pm
Hi everyone,
I think this is a very timely post. I have taken the word ‘try’ out of my vocabulary. I either do or don’t. If I find myself saying try I know that this is something I think I will fail at, or don’t want to do….
EchoLake, this is my year to “do” as well. Despite being 100 pounds overweight I have set a goal to trek to Everest Base Camp in November. My weight challenge is to lose at least 68 pounds by the time I go and I have been doing bushwalks at least once a month starting with 5 mile walks and my longest has been 10 miles last weekend, ending in the last mile being up a mountain…..
I am excited to see what life will be like as a “normal” sized person, having been at least 100 pounds overweight for all of my adult life.
It has all come together for me this year, have been sloppy with my eating, sloppy with my exercise and sloppy with my finances, just doing enough to get by but not enough to build a healthy financial and physical future for myself.
Gosh, I sound like a puritanical angel don’t I? Trust me, not the case….It is soooooo hard to give up chips and unfortunately I get them free at work so they’re always there tempting me.
Enough about food!!
S
May 12, 2009 at 8:57 pm
Oh, just one final point.
I HATE people who are habitually late for things. I can understand if someone is five or ten minutes late once in a while, but I have people at work and one friend in particular who is habitually late. And when I say late, I mean my friend is at least 30 minutes late when we are supposed to be meeting.
RUDE!!!!!!!
May 12, 2009 at 11:17 pm
another Simpson’s quote, yet so relevant: “I can’t promise I’ll try…but I’ll try to try.”
May 13, 2009 at 7:43 am
“How about never? Does never work for you?”
May 21, 2009 at 2:04 am
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