A Supersized Life
Posted by Gail | Filed under Life Lessons
We expect a lot of ourselves. We want to live in nice houses, drive nice cars, wear nice clothes. And we’re deeply resentful when there seem to be things other people have that we can’t afford. We’re so determined to keep pace with our peers that we’re willing to sacrifice our peace of mind, our family’s security, and our futures just to show everyone we can keep up.
I’ve worked with more than a few people who have bought homes they couldn’t afford to furnish because they’re tapped out. And I’ve heard from more than a few people who have been approved for mortgages they knew were way bigger than they could afford to comfortably repay. So what’s with all the supersized houses? When did we move from wanting a home that was comfortable, to wanting to live in a mansion we could barely afford to light and heat?
And now that there are more rooms, there’s more stuff to buy. Sure, one TV was enough in the apartment, or in the little house we had before, but now that we’re living in a supersized house, we need a TV in the family room, one in each of the children’s rooms (whazzup with that?) and one in the basement rec room.
If you take your kids for nuggets and fries, are supersized fries better than the fries that come standard with the meal just because there are more of them? If you have a perfectly good set of dishes in your cupboard, are more dishes better than the dishes you already have? How about more books, more DVDs, more cameras,more clothes, more jewelry, more games, more furniture, more electronic toys, more shoes, more pairs of glasses, more cell phones? It’s a crazy-ass cycle we jump on when we decide to supersize our life because there’s no end to the amount of more there can be… especially when you’re scratching your More Itch with credit.
I went out with my daughter for fish and chips the other day. When the waitress came over to take our order, she admired my cell phone and proceeded to tell me about the dozen or so phones she had at home and the newest she was about to acquire. How does a waitress in a fish and chips store afford to buy umpteen new cell phones, and why does she do it? I agonized over my phone before I bought it, and it’s a business expense… the cost of being on the road so much. But this chick was just acquiring more phones… because…
So, if you’re busy buying, when will you know that you have enough? My girlfriend and I were chatting the other day, and she had a nifty new catalogue for kitchen stuff that she thought I might be interested in. I didn’t even want to see it. No doubt there would be something in it that would catch my eye. But if I were to bring home something new, I’d have to toss out something to make space for it. And I like the stuff I have a lot. Phylis has stuff in boxes climbing her walls. You can barely get from the dining room to the kitchen because of all the stuff in boxes. And if there’s anything new she might need one day, she’ll acquire it now so that she’ll have it at the ready.
Once upon a time, one bathroom was enough for a family of four or five. Now we live in houses with three or four bathrooms, some of which are more like spas than places to brush our teeth, wash our pits, and poop. When did we supersize our expectations to the point that it takes virtually all our waking moments to pay for it all? And why have we become such slaves to stuff that we’re willing to sacrifice things far more important in the name of a supersized life?
Did you know that we are about four times richer than our grandparents were? Are we four times happier? Nope. Know why? Well, it seems that in our rush to consume, we’ve sacrificed some of the things that make us truly happy, like having fun (leisure) and being with people (social relations). So our supersized lives are hollow.
When John D. Rockefeller was asked, “How much money is enough?” his response was, “Just a little bit more.” And that seems to have become the motto for North Americans. But if you’re always chasing more, will you ever enjoy what you have?
April 17, 2009 at 7:18 am
Well said Gail!!…and oh so true:)…we MUST step back and learn limits…I’ve been know to tell my clients that they have enough credit, they don’t need anymore because they can’t pay for it!!…if they want something else they actually have to save the money for it first!!…funny how saving first and then buying is a strange concept to alot of folks….
April 17, 2009 at 8:29 am
Great post, Gail! I grew up in a small house with my parents and older sister. Was it a palace? No, but my dad built the house himself, and we lived comfortably. Did I want for anything? No, and I have wonderful memories of my childhood. Today, we have a nice 1200 sq ft 3 bedroom house with 1 bathroom for 4 of us. Sometimes I wonder what a larger house would be like, but then I think of all the work cleaning it, and maintaining it, and think, “No, I’m happy here!” My mother-in-law figures we should build another bathroom in the basement for when the girls are older and “need” another bathroom. Sorry, I don’t think so. We can manage with one, and work with it. My 8 year old daughter said her friends have TV’s in their rooms, why can’t she have one? So I asked her – where would you put it – or should we get rid of all the books you love? She figured then she didn’t need one – it just seemed like a neat idea. I hate living with debt of any kind, and I want my daughters to grow up knowing the difference between wants and needs. Too many of their friends have cell phones, DS games, etc. My daughter is rethinking her “need” for a DS, now that she has to purchase it with her own money. She’s realizing that she’d rather read a good book, or go outside and play, rather than sit around playing games. Good thinking!
April 17, 2009 at 9:00 am
great post Gail!! thanks so much
April 17, 2009 at 9:07 am
Hi Gail,
Thanks so much
You really hit the spot with this post. I want to forward your email to all my peers- I just want to stop being part of this race! All my friends are living in big homes, and I feel so “behind”. I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but it’s human nature, and I am slowly getting over it, and becoming mature about the reality that we live in. I come from a family that is competitive (not my family, but other family)- and I feel embarassed if we don’t have the big home, double car garage, etc. My fiance and I have come a long way; we were both consumers (stuff-obsessed) for a very long time- but recently, we got engaged and are in the process of saving money for the wedding, house, emergency and of course- paying debt. We’ve totally stopped buying “stuff”- and save for what we want to buy. We don’t use our cards anymore (yay!).
Anyway- now that we are in the process of pre-approval for a mortgage, we will be happy with a smaller home; it’s in the range that we can afford, and it won’t cost too much to furnish.
Thnaks again for your post Gail!
April 17, 2009 at 9:56 am
Gail, what a great post!
I was watching Larry King Live the other night while ironing and watching a tour of Candy Spelling’s 50,000+ square foot mansion that she is selling to downsize….to a 17,000 condo. Just for her and her dog. Obviously she can afford it, but I thought what a waste….of resources, of materials, of money. Why one person with one pet needs a home more than 10 times the size of mine is beyond me. I wonder if she’s 10 times happier than I am….I doubt it!
April 17, 2009 at 10:03 am
My husband and I are in the process of having a garage built…we’ve lived in our house almost 16 years and it is paid for…with this big project on the horizon some folks were suggesting maybe it was time to move to another home with a garage already…when we looked at that option we realized that although the cost of the garage will be aprox 20k..moving would be aprox another 100k…there are alot of nice upgrades I can do to my home that won’t cost us anywhere near that 80k difference…so we’ll stay put and our bank accounts stay in the black!…less really is more:)
April 17, 2009 at 10:09 am
I hate it when the green eyed house monster comes to visit – and he’s been a regular of late, drooling all over my tiny domain…
But on a more serious note, environmental experts have been saying for many years that big energy-sucking houses in locations that necessitate driving everywhere will not be sustainable forever, and maybe not even for our lifetimes. The most sustainable dwellings are dense and vertical, and structures like row houses have benefits for heating efficiently etc. So from a global perspective as well as a personal financial one, there are definite bonuses to smaller dwellings where amenities are available by foot or bicycle…
Now I’m off to beat back the monster with my bicycle pump. Ha!
April 17, 2009 at 10:36 am
Oh how I recognize myself in this post! We are debt free and actually managed to save a little money. But…I would love a nicer house. All of our friends are building great houses and I do feel attracted to the idea. My heart WANTS this new house but my head knows better. I know that by having our smaller, comfortable house we can do other things. We can travel, eat out once in a while and enroll our children in activities. I am not ready to sacrifice these things for a mansion but I feel the pressure and the urge to. It made me feel very good to read your post Gail…and I’ll keep resisting.
April 17, 2009 at 10:38 am
good job, Gail!
i have been thinking of making a big purchase today but after reading your post, i realized that i don’t really NEED it at the moment and it could wait until i manage to achieve my goal of saving a two years worth of emergency fund as i am expecting to go back to school in September (thus, will have an income shortfall). prioritize, prioritize, prioritize!
April 17, 2009 at 10:44 am
I shared with a frind of mine recently that my husband and I were seriuosly looking at buying an acreage. She was enthuiastic until I told here that is had a 14 year old mobile home on it. She said “Your not going to live in a trailer are you?” I was amazed at the disgust in her voice. And then she said “Well you must want to build right away”
I said no, we will probably wait until the kids are in school which means about 4 years from now at the earliest.
What is also amazing about this reaction is that it comes from a woman the same age as me that is renting and sharing her place with 2 other people. Kuddos to her for living within her means but at the same time I’m surprised at how judgemental people can be.
We currently have 2 rental houses (one that’s morgatge free) and then our primary residence.
On another shocking note the bank approved us to but the acreage without selling anything amd we are a sinlge income family that doesn’t rely on the rent money (as you never know from month to month which renter will actually pay rent).
I know that if we were to liqidate everything that we could probably buy the 600K house in a upscale neighborhood… but thats just not me. Its difficult enough to keep our 1000 sq foot house clean never mind a a 3000 sq foot house.
Thanks to all that share the same vision as I do as its great to hear that other people are not the Jones. When we sell the 1 house we will buy our modest trailer and tehn build one day when the time is right… not when other people say we should!
April 17, 2009 at 10:54 am
You sound like my kind of gal Christy – good on ya.. I bet your family will be very close, cozy and happy in your home.
Gail, I adore you.. this was a magnificent post.
“As you simplify your life, the laws of hte university will be simpler, solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness, weakness” – Thoreau
April 17, 2009 at 11:29 am
Good post Gail.
Sounds like you took a drive around my subdivision. hee hee
There are a few smaller homes, mine and my neighbours being a couple of them, but the vast majority of them are quite large. Those large homes have small families or only couples living in them. And yet, with all that room, they can’t park in their 2-car-garages because they are filled to the brim with ’stuff’. What’s even sadder is the amount of garbage that is at the curb every week… not in blue boxes for recycling, but actual bags and bags of garbage.
My husband and I could’ve bought a bigger home, but the extra space and cost were not worth it in the long run. We both grew up in smaller homes, and there was happiness in them.
As far as comparing myself with my grandparents, and what they had and how happy their lives were… it’s hard for me to do that. Neither set really had much, but I do know that I am happier than they were. I do see the point you are making though, Gail.
I disagree with some of the comments made in some of the responses, but opinions are like belly buttons, everybody’s got one.
April 17, 2009 at 11:53 am
I am currently reading ‘Smart Couple Finish Rich’ by David Bach.. and one of the steps he laid out is to list our values. Not goals (like saving a million dollars) but what do we value in life.. And I realized I value security not big house, quality family time not more ’stuff’, peace of mind not keeping up with the ‘ Jonesses’.
I dont’ need more stuff. We have dinner set that was given to us when we first moved in our house. I do admit that a couple years back, I did want to have the nice dinner set. But now, I don’t. The stuff we have still works and it serves its purpose.
My DH and I are planning to buy our second home (and rent out the one we currently have) but we are not doing it until we have our downpayment and closing cost ready. So that’s about a year and a half from now. And we are not buying a bigger/better house. We are buying a house that can comfortably house 2 adult and 2 kids. So around 1400 sq. ft.
A roof over our head, food in the table, cloth on our back. A retirement nest for tomorrow. The ability to do fun things without using credit. We’re doing OK.
April 17, 2009 at 11:54 am
I am 53, and am having to downsize from a two bedroom suite to a one bedroom condominium. I am having to go through all the crap that I have bought over the years. I can’t believe that I went into debt thinking I needed all this so called stuff that I thought that I couldn’t live without. I missed going on lots of vacations and doing things because of having to have more things. Going through all this stuff is certainly a wake-up call for my future. When I go to the malls now I see all the things they are selling in a whole new light. Most of it a person doesn’t really need. I am only one person who’s son is grown up and on his own, so I really don’t need to be buying a whole lot of stuff now. I am still in a bit of debt and am hoping to pay it off so I can do some traveling and do some of my interests. I only wish that there had of been someone like Gail to make me see things in a whole new perspective. I think with getting older and seeing my Mom have to get rid of things to go into a seniors place years ago, has hopefully made much wiser.
April 17, 2009 at 12:01 pm
I can still remember the day my sons came home with a supersized drink from a local convenience store and I was aghast. I couldn’t help wondering why this new size was necessary and how the company could actually expect one person to drink the entire contents. This was in the early 1980’s and I still look back at that day as the beginning of ’supersizing’. It is amazing how over the years, this supersizing has become acceptable.
April 17, 2009 at 12:02 pm
I’ve felt like this for a while now, but not about houses, since only one of my friends own one (we’re all 28/29). But, a lot of my friends go on two or three vacations a year! I’ve always been jealous that I somehow haven’t been able to save up the money to go (although, I could have went if I’d put it on credit). My BF and I were discussing this the other day and two things made me feel a lot better about our situation:
1) all that money my friends have spent on these vacations over the years they would have had the downpayment for a house (or at least a condo).
2) they’ve all gotten help from their parents.
I’m the only one out of my group of friends that had to get government loan to go to University, everyone else had their parents pay for it. I’m in my last year of repayment (4 years ahead of their schedule) but its money that I could have been saving all these years. Some of them still get help from their parents. Two of them still live with their parents and another has her parents paying for her car and car insurance! (While she is in school – she went back to get her masters). My parents had a lot of trouble just to keep themselves afloat, they didn’t save any money for my education (one mistake that I will FOR SURE NOT make!) so I had no other choice. Of course, I worked part-time and lived with my parents while I was in school so I came out with $11,000 worth of debt which isn’t all that bad, really.
Anyways, sorry to have gone off on that tangent. I realized that my commitment to debt repayment and buying a house with at least a 10% downpayment and to pay for our wedding in cash, certainly overrides my desire to keep up with my vacation-loving friends.
April 17, 2009 at 12:37 pm
Brenda, It sounds like you are doing a great job with your children! I think it’s wonderful that you discuss things with them rather than just telling them no or giving in to their demands/wants.
Christy, I’d jump on that acreage opportunity. Don’t worry about what other people think, do what is right for you and your family. There’s nothing wrong with a 14 yr old trailer.
Gail, good for you for not giving in the kitchen catalogue – I would have drooled over it…
I agree it’s hard to not give in the green-eyed monster sometimes. The house I own is a 1000+ sq ft bungalow with 2 bedrooms & 1 bathroom. The basement is 1/2 finished with 2 extra rooms. They are not legal bedrooms but can certainly serve the purpose. The lady we bought the home from raised 5 kids here so there’s no excuse why we can’t live comfortably here with our 1 child & 2 dogs.
When I look at my grandparents and how they have lived their lives I have learned a lot. My grandfather never owned a car. He didn’t like to drive and didn’t feel it was a need, plus he liked his drink up until about 30 yrs ago, so it was probaby a smart thing! The house they live in is small and cosy. It’s starting to need some upgrades, but over all sweet. They look after their things. The never bought a microwave or a VCR, they never felt the need. The appliances were well cared for until they needed to be replaced. This year Nanny bought a new fridge & stove. She didn’t even spluge on self-cleaning (I would have!) and she hates them! She says they aren’t heavy enough and she doesn’t like the glass shelves on the inside. It’s all in what she is use to. Last year Grandad replaced the furnace. I’m sure with the new appliances & furnace their energy costs have reduced a lot.
All in all, they are not wasteful and buy what they need. When they purchase bigger items they try to buy quality. What they can do themselves, they do.
I hope I can be more like them.
Now that my husband is losing his job, I’m grateful I didn’t sell and buy a bigger home.
April 17, 2009 at 12:38 pm
Yes, yes, yes! I think the secret to happiness is realizing how much you have already. Taking pleasure in your belongings and feeling grateful for them. We’ve been sold a bill of goods if we believe that spending money on stuff will bring us long-term satisfaction.
April 17, 2009 at 12:45 pm
Usually I enjoy the wisdom offered in Gail’s posts and in the comments. Unfortunately today’s post and comments smell self-righteous and judgmental. If other people want a big house and a garage full of crap, it’s fine if they can afford it – and I’m guessing many of you don’t have intimate knowledge of the finances of the people you’re pooh-poohing.
I like my simple, cheap (by Toronto standards) 500 sq. ft. apartment. But I don’t go around tut-tutting those who choose to spend their money differently. Who am I to say what will make them happy if I don’t know them or their situation? I don’t need to pat myself on the back for being more thrifty than they are.
April 17, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Great Post Gail!
You’ve challenged me to really ask myself, when or what will be enough. I don’t think I know the answer just yet – but I think it’s important to have that question in your mind everytime you are looking to make a purashse, to save, or to do anything really.
Thanks for a great post!
April 17, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Hi Gail! This was a great post. I loved reading all the comments!
I have to admit, when I’ve looking at some of the large houses in my neighbourhood, I have to think ‘why would I want to be saddled with such a large mortgage – never mind all the cleaning and upkeep it would require’.
Thank you for inspiring so many people!
April 17, 2009 at 1:15 pm
I’ll high five that!
April 17, 2009 at 1:18 pm
In response to Rebecca’s post, normally I would also say, ‘Sure, buy what you want, do what you want, it’s your life.’ But this is a blog about money management and the blog’s author is a money management expert. This post doesn’t seem out of context to me one bit.
April 17, 2009 at 1:32 pm
@Jamie- Just keep in mind that we all have different things that we value. Hubby and I saved up and bought a house. Now we’re selling it, precisely because we want to spend our money on other things- travel being at or near the top of the list.
April 17, 2009 at 1:52 pm
While I can appreciate the intention of this post, one part I found contradictory was having a “spa-like” bathroom to poop in. Just the other day, it was argued on here that to improve resale values of our homes, we should maintain them to look appealing to possible buyers.
So while I agree that we don’t need to have more, or better things in keeping up with the Joneses, I do think that sometimes we need to acheive a balance between being an old-fashioned tightwad and a materialistic credit spending junkie.
April 17, 2009 at 2:05 pm
Thanks for the timely, awesome, right on the mark post. We have a little house with a 65K (started off with 78K) mortgage and while my guy keeps talking about getting a bigger house, I just want to pay this one off. I keep saying we just need to get rid of stuff if the house is feeling crowded. I’m in my mid 40s and don’t want to get a bigger mortgage just for the sake of having more room. I don’t have that much time to work to pay it off. I just want to focus on getting rid of the consumer debt, paying off the mortgage, and living within our means. Thanks again for hitting the nail on the head.
April 17, 2009 at 2:07 pm
London, I think you have a point there.
It’s about balance and there’s nothing wrong with wanting something nicer or bigger or newer. If we can AFFORD it – than go for it!
I try to remember the values I see in my grandparents, whom I adore and think are very wise people, but I also don’t feel one bit guilty for buying our family a new front-loading washer & dryer. My Dad can’t believe I sent $1800 (with taxes & extended warranty) but I don’t care. I didn’t buy a top of the line set, but I bought a good set with good consumer reviews and I PAID for them. They make my life easier and use less energy & less water. I feel good about my purchase and that’s what matters.
April 17, 2009 at 2:26 pm
Supersized home = Supersized cleaning time.
No, thanks. I have better things to do.
April 17, 2009 at 2:38 pm
“A rich man is not the one who has the most but rather the one that needs the least.”
I found this quote quite a few years ago and still believe in it today. Trying to keep up with the Jones’s is most likely not going to make you happy but rather leave you feeling unsatisfied as you will always be one step behind them. In the end, people are going to remember you by what kind of person you were and not by how much stuff you had.
My husband is currently serving in Afghanistan with the Canadian Military. He’s only been there a short while and this is his first experience overseas. He’s not able to talk about what’s going on over there or what exactly he’s seen. All he’s said is that anything he used to worry about before seems so unimportant now. We don’t realize how lucky we have it…..we have a roof over our heads, groceries in the fridge and we have our freedom. We have jobs yet I don’t think one of us could honestly say that we haven’t complained about having to go to work some days (myself included). We complain about the weather…..it’s too hot out or it’s too cold or it’s raining or snowing too much. We have a choice and we need to choose to be happy with what we have.
I’ve been living with my parents since he left to start his training last August so I’ve been away from our primary residence for 9 months now and won’t be returning to it until November. I only brought my clothes, a few personal items and my cats with me when I moved to my parents. It’s amazing how I don’t miss any of the “stuff” I left behind. If I haven’t missed it in the 15 months I’ll have been gone then did I really need it to begin with? Of course we’ll need our furniture, television, dishes, etc. but what about those 50 DVD’s we have in our entertainment stand? Or the nick-nacks I have throughout the house? I may not get rid of them all but I’ll think twice before I buy anymore of them.
This has been a great lesson to learn and I just hope that I am able to stick by it when he returns home. My husband always teases me that “I’m cheap.” but the longer we’re married the more he’s learning to appreciate it. And little by little he’s changing too and thinking twice before he buys something. We’re saving all of the money we can while he’s away and will spend it together when he gets home by paying off our car, getting a few new pieces of furniture (most of ours is quite old and was all given to us) and putting the rest away for our future.
Gail, thank you for your daily blog and thank you for your show. You inspire me to be in control of my own life and our financial situation and to prepare for the future.
April 17, 2009 at 2:59 pm
I read something interesting a while back that said that the huge monster houses that people have sunk their savings into will be dinosaurs of the future. With energy costs soaring it is not hard to think of people wanting to downsize to conserve. I can see these big homes being a liability in the future.
April 17, 2009 at 3:01 pm
@Rebecca: I agree with you – different things make people happy, and I would never judge someone harshly if a big house (or lots of ’stuff’) was what made them happy.
I think the larger issue is probably that some people don’t fully consider what will make them happy. The big house isn’t going to make someone happy if they’re constantly afraid of losing it. And that’s setting aside consideration of long term happiness.
Sadly, some of my family are really learning this the hard way.
April 17, 2009 at 3:08 pm
I live in a 2 bedroom apt that’s 850 sq feet. Nice size, not too small. I think anything bigger would be nuts. I look at some of these houses people are selling and buying 3500sq+. Huge, expensive, ulitities: Ouch, and then you look in their garage, and guess what’s there, not their vehicles, they are the driveway: STUFF (in my best Gail voice). I just completed my spring closet cleanup. I have my closet organizer up to my standards, Have fall/winter stuff to the far side, my year round pants/jeans and capris on the bottom, and my summer tops on the top. My shoes and purses are also in my closet, all neatly for probably the 1st time in my life.
April 17, 2009 at 3:38 pm
I think part of why we seem to need bigger houses these days is because of all our “convenience” and entertainment items. In the old days you had a fridge and range. Those were the appliances you would expect. No microwaves and dishwashers and purpose-built gadgets for every meal under the sun! And the surround sound stereo system with large screen TV wouldn’t have even fit in my grandparent’s living room! And what about a computer? If you have one of those you need a desk, monitor, mouse, keyboard, modem, printer, scanner, places to keep the discs and manuals, etc, etc, etc….
Everytime I feel like I want more, or want to give my children more, I remind myself what my childhood was like. I fit EVERYTHING in my closet. Toys, books, games and clothes all fit in that 4ft closet. And I never really felt that I was being particularly deprived. So nowadays when my kids come home saying they wish our house had a huge PLAYROOM like their friends, or a TV and/or game system in their rooms, I just have to stay calm and say “not in this house” –they have so many toys already!
It’s hard with the constant pressure to conform to the “dream” of consumerism. “Everybody else is doing it!” is not a good reason.
(PS People look at me like I have 2 heads when I say I don’t have a cell phone, oh well. I had one, I hated paying for it, so I got rid of it)
April 17, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Gail, you have a new follower/devotee. I’ve been watching “Til Debt Do Us Part” from sunny Florida (in the heart of the mortgage meltdown) and I want you to know that I’ve learned more from you in the past 3 months than the years and years of listening to the other financial gurus. You’re blunt, you’re straight up, and you are definitely on POINT.
I’m 26 and I just bought my first home on Christmas Eve. I’ve wanted to own a home ever since I graduated undergrad but the prices were just too ridiculous. $200K for a 1100 sf condo? $250K for a 1200 sf. house on the beach? I think we were all drinking the Kool-Aid there. So I saved my down payment and got ready for the day that this bubble burst. I finally spied a 1700 sf foreclosure, brand new, in a nice new subdivision, for $125K and bargained down to $115K (it was originally listed at $224K and was appraised at $140K. Crazy, right?!?!). So now I have this lovely new home for less than I was paying in rent and I love it. I realized that since I moved to an area 5 hours away from home, where I don’t know anyone, I have no desire to impress ANYONE anymore. I only need to park one car in my garage b/c I only have one car. I have a house that can fit 2 more people (and I might get a roommate to help with mortgage) and I have a fully funded 401(k) and have replenished my emergency fund to 1/2 strength again. I only have student loan debt and the mortgage to worry about and the car loan will be finished this year. I don’t have any credit card debt. I was never really much of a shopper, but I budget and save. So why on earth would any single woman (or anyone really) want more house than they can afford?
I have my parents to thank for this lesson. My mother is over-extended in credit and will retire in 10 years. Everytime I talk to her, I remind her that the debt isn’t going to go away just because she doesn’t pay attention and I WILL NOT subsidize her in retirement just because she can’t get it together today (and I mean it). She pays the minimums on her credit card bills and shops, shops, shops. She could put Carrie on Sex and the City to Shame and her clothes cover 2 bedrooms. It pains me to watch but, as she herself pointed out, she’s the momma and I’m the child. My dad is just getting his tax and student loan situations straight (after 10 years of ignoring them. Can you imagine what the penalties and interest look like?). They are irresponsible with money and I resolved as a teenager never to be like them.
I make a comfortable living and I intend to invest and save wisely. I’m not keeping up with the Joneses or anyone else. I’m just trying to live my life.
“Wretched excess is an unfortunate human trait that turns a perfectly good idea such as Christmas into a frenzy of last-minute shopping-or attaches the name of St. Patrick to the day of the year that bartenders fear most.”
Jon Anderson
April 17, 2009 at 5:55 pm
My DH and I are recovering stuffaholics.
For the last 4 months we have been living off the jars and doing quite well! We just are sick of living pay cheque to pay cheque.
People laugh when we tell them that the car we now drive we paid $625 for at an auction. They wonder if it runs. Yes it does, and quite well I might add. Because the car is over 10 years old we had to get an inspection done on it. All that was required was to replace the light for the license plate. We decided to buy studded tires for winter and paid about $400 for them. We have been driving the car for 5 months now without a problem (knock on wood). The body of the car looks great too, no rust!
We are learning that the stuff is not as important as family.
Thank you so much Gail!
By the way Gail, my 25 month old daughter watches your show with me. Whenever she sees you on the telly she gets excited and says, Money Lady!
April 17, 2009 at 7:36 pm
I am uninterested in a large house. The house I grew up in was about 1300 square feet and the house I purchased toward the end of last summer is 1040. I live in central California where there is a huge mortgage meltdown. I paid $145,000 while a coworker purchase her house a year before I did in the same neighborhood, almost the same floor plan and the same square footage for $275,000. I couldn’t afford a house in the market even a year and half ago. So I stayed with my parents and saved money for a down payment. The house is a 3 bedroom and 1 bath. I remodeled the bathroom before I moved in with traditional fixtures and finishes. There is no reason anyone needs more than one bathroom but it is definently more convenient once you have kids (not an issue for me). The house is in the downtown area and I am a few minutes from work. I haven’t actually purchased anything for my house besides items you would purchase at the home improvement store. I don’t have a dresser so I am using a bookcase for my foldable clothes and have my 13″ college TV on it. It isn’t to say I wouldn’t like to have a few more things, but I only have so much money a month which means I pick and choose what I spend it on. When my parents bought thier current house a couple of years ago the morgage broker couldn’t understand why they would put 20% down on the house. He was flabbergasted and that is why the community that I live in has forclosures everywhere. One reason the house I grew up in was fine in terms of size is we were not allowed to play inside for the most part and as others have mentioned all my toys fit into my half of the closet. If it was nice we played in the street or in the front yard while if the weather was bad we played on the back porch in the garage.
April 17, 2009 at 7:47 pm
@Christina – Yes, this is a blog about money management. But people who enjoy vacations once a year or a home with more than one bathroom aren’t inherently managing their money poorly. They don’t deserve a scolding just because we or their parents/grandparents lived differently. If they’ve got the money (i.e. they aren’t loading up on debt) and they choose to spend differently than you or I would, so what?
People seem to confuse differing priorities with good/poor money management at times. I just think this particular blog post and the comments could do with a bit more balance instead of focusing on thrift. Spending as little money as possible is not the goal of money management (as I understand it). My impression is that money management is the art and science of organizing one’s financial affairs around one’s short, medium, and long term goals in life.
April 17, 2009 at 10:22 pm
A few thoughts:
1. I love it when Gail says things like “crazy-ass” and “wash our pits.”
2. Wanda – I hear you. Remember when you could buy a CAN of pop in a convenience store? Now you have to buy a bottle. Somewhere along the line someone realized they could charge more if they could sell you a larger bottle. Who really needs that much pop in one sitting anyway?
3. I see some criticism on this post. I don’t think the point is that we should put others down for spending on luxurious items or large homes if that’s what people want. I think the issue here is about why we want what we want. I mean, what do we really need to be happy? Because I do think that we’ve been misled in a consumerist society to purchase more than we really need for happiness and true satisfaction in life. I don’t think that we really need as much as we’re told in order to be happy.
Lately I’ve been thinking about choices. Since moving to a smaller town with fewer choices of stores and “stuff”, I am actually happier. I focus on what is important to me. I don’t miss the endless parade of goods I could buy in the Eaton Centre. I don’t miss the streets lined with endless stores. I am happier living in a town that offers me a stronger community and closer proximity to nature. I shop far less often now – and I don’t miss it, in fact it is a relief.
I think the crux of the post is – you probably need less to be happy than you think.
April 17, 2009 at 10:39 pm
It’s funny, I grew up in a five-person-plus-one-dog family which traded up houses as the need for space grew. Our last home was a four bedroom, three bath house and it was lovely. Just spacious enough but definitely not a mcMansion like all the houses currently replaces the smaller houses on the street. Now, I’m grown and have purchased my first 1500 sq foot row house in which my fiance, me and my two dogs live. We’ve lived in the house for almost three years and other than the repairs it needs (we bought a fixer upper because we just couldn’t afford to buy new) we’re pretty happy with it. Until I visit my old home or my sister’s new 3000 sq. ft. place. Then I’m reminded of how small our place is and I worry that if we have a child someday we’ll feel squeezed. My sister and her husband and child have all the space they could ever need and she’s resentful of her friends who are moving into 5000 sq. ft. homes! I just keep reminding her that she’ll probably have hers paid off long before they do.
April 17, 2009 at 11:20 pm
Great post Gail. Saw this article in the Wall Street Journal today and think it is totally relevant to this thread (it’s called “Goodbye Bland Affluence”): http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123992073614326997.html
April 18, 2009 at 1:48 am
We live modestly in a small home that is comfortable for our family of four. I believe people are entitled to spend as their incomes allow. But what surprises me is the number of young people who don’t believe in doing things in stages. They don’t seem to have any financial common sense.
One young couple we know just moved into their condo (borrowed down pymt from parents) in Oct last year. One works FT, the other is almost done University. They are now looking at a 1700 sq ft house because it would be a house. This is inspite of the fact that they can only sell their condo for the mtg amt owing (market has dropped a lot). So I question: what about the legal fees, realtor fees and paying back mom and dad for the dwn pymt??? Once those things are considered, they will actually net out LESS than what they owe. But the bank says they qualify for this amount of money and they are willing to max out on a mtg.
Makes no sense to me to start a young marriage that way, but then, they didn’t ask me!
April 18, 2009 at 8:30 am
Kandfamily..the bank does take into account the legal fees down payment etc…you actually have to prove that you have these funds first before the mortgage
Rebecca..there is nothing at all wrong with vacations and spa bathrooms..but, I think the point of the blog is that you have the money up front to pay for these things…getting a spa bathroom at 19% interest cause ya put it on credit isn’t the most brilliant thing…AND, when someone is complaining day in and day out about HAVING to work but continues to fund these wants through credit it really doesn’t make sense and it does make you wonder why the old sink tub and toilet weren’t good enough if quitting your job is what you really want…that’s my interpretation of this blog anyway…
April 18, 2009 at 10:57 am
My husband and I often wonder where we go wrong. Our car is ten years old, our TV is not a flat screen, most of our furniture was inherited or given to us – we could replace most if not all of it without going in to debt – but why. It all works. The thought of wasting money on stuff we don’t need and filling up landfill sites just irks me. I understand others have the need for stuff – and I don’t knock them for it – as long as they can afford it.
I want to enjoy life for life’s sake and that doesn’t require stuff – a walk in the park, a bicycle ride, a wander through a museum, an adventure in a new place – these things appeal to me more (and most experiences in life cost considerably less then the newest thing out there and I will have the memories forever).
I have always been “cheap” and I hope to always be “cheap” – it keeps me sane.
April 18, 2009 at 1:57 pm
I have a serious aversion to filling my house with crap – mostly because I hate clutter and because overconsumption is an environmental travesty, but also because I don’t have infinite money to throw away. I live within my means.
At the same time, I don’t hold myself above others morally because of it. If you can afford a zillion foot house and afford your crap, that’s your prerogative. It’s not against the law. It’s an environmental nightmare, but aside from that, it’s your life to do as you please.
Also, I dispute the fact that one bathroom was ever enough for a family. What about when you come home from something and everyone has to go at the same time? Or on Christmas when you have 15 relatives over? Access to sanitary facilities is a basic human right, not a frivolity.
April 18, 2009 at 6:12 pm
[...] I’ve been watching the show Till Debt do us Part for a while now and was inspired by Gail to convert to a cash budget. Recently I discovered her blog and just wanted to share this article she wrote about A Supersized Life. [...]
April 18, 2009 at 9:33 pm
H – We live in a rural house. We do not live on a sewer system, therefore have a septic tank. Having more than one bathroom in a house requires that you make sure your septic system can handle the extra pressure. If not, you could damage the system, or, you may have to have a new tank and septic system installed. Cost??? Probably close to $10,000 to remove the old system, and re-install a new system. Worth the hassle of an extra bathroom? No – I think we can handle the one bathroom. Doesn’t seem like it will cause a major catastrophe here. To each their own, right?
April 18, 2009 at 9:58 pm
To be clear, I mean two bathrooms with at least toilets, not two showers/baths. My two sisters and I were teenagers at the same time, and having two bathrooms averted a lot of potential catastrophes
April 19, 2009 at 3:47 am
Christy,
If acreage is your choice then go for it!
Me and DH moved to acreage from mainstream suburbia 11 months ago and live in a partially converted 2 storey tin shed which is insulated had a working bathroom, toilet, a kitchen sink but no cupboards….the rest was one big open space with the ugliest staircase ever seen. Colleagues and grown kids (were not living with us) thought we had gone mad. The shed (oops….palatial acreage dwelling in progress LOL)is gradually taking shape – new ikea kitchen we fitted, still living with bare plasterboard walls and will be for some time.
Financially we are not doing things until they are saved for which will take some time before my grand vision is complete but I feel so rich in comparison to prior to the move.
Inow know my neighbours, people give a friendly wave as you pass and there is always a parking space at the supermarket (can’t call it a shopping centre as there is only the one foodstore and a couple of other small shops). Benefits far outway the extra commute (1 3/4 hours each way) and the feeling of following my heart is just great.
Leave all the naysayers behind and live your own values.
PS. Gail – Greetings from Australia and although I no longer live in a cable TV area and I would rather spend money on home improvements then on satellite so don’t see the program anymore I wouldn’t miss my daily check in to your website. TDDYP has given me the financial education schooling never did.
April 19, 2009 at 5:53 am
This is so timely, as I am in the process of finding another place to live, although I can’t afford to buy (I don’t think). I posted an ad on the local web site searching for a 2 – 3 bedroom house (dog friendly) or an acreage so the dog, horse I board elsewhere, and I could all live together. I received an email stating “have a rustic house north of MJ, no plumbing, power not hooked up, fully furnished, outhouse, woodburning stove…..”!! At first I took it as a joke, even my mother got a good laugh, and we both grew up without running water, etc. I was 21 when my parents got indoor plumbing. Anyhooo, I responded with questions, like was there at least a well, and the possibility of power hookup, etc, and was told that the place had been spoken for!! When push comes to shove, in this time of over-plenty, I was half tempted to grab someplace like that!! I have often said that I would like to go somewhere and become a self sufficient hermit, sort of like our pioneers did. I guess I will never know if this was legit… Right now, in my city, we have a .5% vacancy rate, so landlords are gouging everywhere you turn. It is ugly, to say the least. And the options that are under $1,000/month are slum-like dives, making one wonder why we work so hard, and how the heck are we ever to get ahead??? It’s depressing, to say the least. BTW, I work with many who complain constantly about how broke they are, living pay cheque to pay cheque in houses they can’t afford, but then come in and brag about the new truck that they didn’t plan to buy, but test drove anyway, and ended up taking home; or the big screen TV that is only $40/month… I would love to say it serves them right, because they are digging the hole themselves. I try to get them tuned in to TDDUP, but some things have to be learned the real hard way. Several have even said they are only staying married because they can’t afford to live on one income!!! Now THAT is sad. Sometimes it takes losing everything to realize what you really have.
April 19, 2009 at 4:58 pm
A friend lived in her shed was fully fitted out with a kitchen bathroom even had a loft that they turned into a bedroom for there 3 boys.
She was on 5 acres of land and they lived in this for 4 years while they built there house.
The thing was that while they lived in the shed they where very comfortable and she often commented.
What am i doing building this huge house when we are quite comfortable in the shed?
Love this post Gail and yes i have the 4 people 2 teens and we only have one bathroom oh noooo how do we do it. Its fine really and I love my house.
April 19, 2009 at 8:36 pm
My brother and I own a house that is over two hours away from where I work so we rent that out and I rent a room near my work.
I have never had new furniture, I have a large extended family and it just so happens that whenever anyone needs something, someone else in the family is getting rid of it.
My first tv after I moved out was from my aunt and uncle and they had bought it in 1972! I got another tv at an estate sale and passed mine on to my cousin who was moving and needed a new one.
I sometimes wish that I had the knack of making a place look lovely, one of my good friends seems to just throw together a few cushions and her place is stunning, but as long as everything is neat, clean and works that is the extent of my decorating!
So I have a tenant living in my beautiful house two hours away with two bedrooms and an 80 foot backyard and I am paying almost as much for one room near the city. Oh well, at least I can claim the interest as a tax deduction!
S
April 20, 2009 at 5:50 am
Hi Sandy,
We also have had queries as to if/when we will be building our house and people do think it odd when I say we are converting the shed. I am sure some do look down on us but that’s their problem.
Its a lifesyle choice and since moving I have gradually culled the excessive “stuff” which we really don’t need and only buy what we do. Eg. I buy my books from the local charity shop and donate them back once read, it cost me $6 for 22 paperbacks in their fill a bag sale last weekend whereas previously I would have bought a new paperback each time I finished one and then needed ever increasing space or more bookshelves to keep them and I am not feeling deprived in anyway.
Less stuff – less expense – increased satisfaction in my life!
April 20, 2009 at 8:24 am
Very fine post as usual Gail. I find the comments very enlightening. My wife and I both have bowel diseases, the thought of moving back to 1 bathroom home, would not have a good outcome! When I was in high school (1970’s), we had a very famous politician come and speak, he went one for 20 minutes about the evils of consumerism and his example was an automatic card shuffler. He went on how no one could ever tell him any good reason anyone would have such a thing. I rose and spoke. I worked in a hospital and in my ward many people had arthritis, amputations and different ailments meaning shufflling was out of question, but loved to play cards. I got a very stinging stare from the speaker and a very severe reprimand from principal. But it has always made me realize, no matter how strong my opinion on a subject, I’m always looking at it from my side of the fence.
April 20, 2009 at 12:38 pm
The real tragedy in all this, is that the children are paying for it. They’re being raised by distracted parents. I know people who only see their kids as they drop them off at daycare on their way to work, then maybe at dinner if they’re eating at the same time, and on days off, they’re dragging their kids around malls south of the border. (Because you can save more money so you can buy more stuff – and there’s another thing I ask myself – if you spend all your ‘disposable’ income in another country, why should you expect there will be a job for you kid in Canada, when he or she is old enough to work?)
April 22, 2009 at 10:45 am
My fiance and I have downsizing down to an art!
We are both young students, and went decided that rather than renting an apartment for 700$ a month, we would buy a house and build some equity with the help of a small inheritance. Sounds crazy until you realize that our mortgage is only $300 a month (until we graduate and start work full time).
In our 850 square foot semi with a postage stamp backyard, it feels like we’re living in luxury! 3 bedrooms and 2 public rooms? We had no idea how to fill all that space after living in one bedroom for 2 years! Fortunately, some relatives who were moving had some furniture to donate. Slap on a coat of paint, and that primary coloured dresser is now a great TV stand.
Yet somehow my parents (about to become empty nesters) are moving into a larger home… up from their current 4 bed, 3 bath.
It truly is about being happy in the space you have and with the things you have, rather than always needing something bigger and better. I’m happier with my $1400 monthly budget than most millionaires. And isn’t that what matters?
September 17, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Gail, you have touched on one of my pet peeves. I live in the Greater Vancouver area and am appalled at the high cost of housing. I have watched over the last few years perfectly sound and well maintained older houses being sold for ridiculously high prices only to be torn down and a huge “castle” being built in its place! (Yes, I realize that the land is worth so much.) This is my point. With all the worries about the environment and the limited resources available, why tear down a perfectly good, sturdy home that is under 70 years old to build a newer, bigger one that will gobble up more resources – after sending all the stuff from the old house to the landfill!
I am impressed to see a few smart people that take that old house and realize what they have! It is more environmentally sound to remodel an older home and update it . Not only that, but you won’t have to worry so much about the settling factor. An old existing house and foundation have already settled all that it is going to! (Friends who build an entirely new house were showing me all the cracks in the walls and other problems that would need to be addressed a year or so after the initial build!)
And as for the “castle”, when did all these people become royalty? When did everyone develop the attitude that they had to have the best, the top of the line product, etc?
And don’t get me started on the cost of heating & power that huge house is going to consume verses a smaller one!
March 24, 2010 at 1:22 pm
I’ve been reading a few posts and i’m adding your blog to my rss reader , thanks !
May 19, 2010 at 10:09 am
Recently, I didn’t give so much thought to writing comments on blog entries and have left comments even less. Checking out your insightful page, will probably encourage me to do so more regularly.
June 17, 2010 at 5:02 pm
[...] A Supersized Life: does bigger mean better? (pertains especially to housing) [...]