Setting Goals 3: Learn from Your Mistakes
Posted by Gail | Filed under Goals, Life Lessons
I’m a great one for making mistakes. I used to think I had to be perfect. Then I had kids and realized I’d never be perfect again, so I’d better get used to just being Pretty Great. I’m not afraid of making mistakes – and getting caught – anymore. Now I just say, “I’m sorry” and move on to the next step: learning from my mistakes.
If you’re spiritual, you’re probably familiar with the idea that everything in life is about lessons we must learn, and the longer it takes you to learn the lesson, the longer you have to keep banging your head against that particular wall. I’m all for stopping the banging. So I want to learn my lessons and move on. And the best way is to assess what you did right, what you did wrong, and what you’ll do differently next time.
Baseball fans know that Babe Ruth held the home run record for a long time. He hit 708 homeruns in his career. Did you know he also held the strike-out record? Yup. He had 1330 strike-outs. That boy just kept swinging his bat, no matter how many times he missed.
Just because you set yourself a goal, that doesn’t mean the path you walk to achieve your dream will be a smooth one. Nope. Life has taught me that most paths have some rocks, a few holes, and the odd dragon. But giving up isn’t going to get you to where you want to be. And sometimes the first road we choose isn’t the one we actually want to end up on. You have to try out a road to see if it’s going the right way, and then adjust your direction as you go. I’ve always been one of those people who had to try something to figure out how it worked. I didn’t mind messing up a couple of times. I think it was my frustration with screwing things up that ultimately made my brain remember the best, fastest, most efficient ways to do things. When I make a mistake, I’m sure as hell not going to do it THAT way again.
If you’re afraid of failing, you’ve got to let go of that fear. Feel the fear and do it anyway! If you miss the mark, correct your aim. Miss again, and you’ll have even more experience, more information to go on for the next attempt. A key determinant of whether or not you’ll be successful is not how many mistakes you make along the way, but how persistent you are. If you don’t give up when facing initial failure, if you’re able to work up the excitement, enthusiasm, support to push forward, you’re more likely to be successful.
To succeed, to be the best at what you do, you must be willing to devote hours to deliberate practice. Doing something a few times doesn’t make you great at it. Doing it millions of times does. And you have to expect that along the way you’ll make a few mistakes. Michael Jordon got cut from his high school basketball team. But he didn’t give up. He had a grueling practice regime beyond the grueling regime he participated in with his team. He made loads of mistakes and he learned from them. Tiger Woods had racked up 15 years of practice by the time he became the youngest-ever winner of the U.S. Amateur Championship at age 18. And the great orator, Winston Churchill practiced his speeches compulsively.
The mistakes that we make should not define us. I’ve been married and divorced three times. Am I a failure at relationships? Not to my mind. I’ve had great relationships. But I’ve also recognized when they’re no longer working for me or my partner. And I’ve been willing to do the hard thing and make a change. So, from where I stand what does define us is our willingness to learn from our mistakes, to try harder, to change how we’re doing things so we can get better at what we’re doing.
If you try something one way and it doesn’t work for you, change how you’re doing it. Experiment. Learn. Eventually you’ll find the way that works best for you. And when you do, don’t stop trying new things. Complacency is success’s nemesis. Stay focused. Stay sharp. Keep making mistakes. It means you’re growing and getting better.
March 31, 2009 at 6:56 am
Excellent post Gail. I have to admit, I feel like I’ve been ‘cheating’ on your get-debt-free method by using one of Dave Ramsey’s processes snowballing. I have, however, stuck with the EF and went beyond his idea to save $1000 and stop until the debt is paid. I think that it takes a lot of re-dos to figure out what works best for some of us. There’s no standard to follow, and if there was it’d be a pretty boring world.
My budget gets written and re-written sometimes almost daily because of little thigns popping up or an over-spend on a category and underspend somewhere else. Bottom line is that I’m trying and succeeding in small, manageable steps. Tomorrow I plan some ‘me’ time to write down what I used to owe, what I owe now, and what my payment schedule looks like. Right now it’s jumbled into a few different sheets in my Excel file, so I need to have them all in colour on one sheet so I can watch the decline of debt and gain in savings. It’ll be my daily motivation to keep doing what works for me ‘for now’!
March 31, 2009 at 7:37 am
Good morning Gail!
A great life post. The mistakes we make in life or money have been learning experiences. Sometimes learning what not to do is just as important as learning what to do.
I really enjoy following your blog and have learned so much and shared so much with my family. My son is off to college next year and we have been using the student worksheets, budgets. Planning and life lesson information is just as important at any stage of the game. I know I learn something new everyday.
Thank you.
March 31, 2009 at 8:00 am
You’re totally right, Gail. Thanks for your wonderful post. I have been feeling sooooooo down this morning because of the failures I experienced recently. Sometimes it makes me want to STOP doing what is needed to reach my goal(s). You gave me the kind of push to try and try again, to remember that perseverance can do great things not only in our financial life but also in almost everything we do. Cheers!
March 31, 2009 at 8:20 am
Gail. LOve your work Look forward to it daily.
I am a fine Artist,and if I had listened to all the experts, family wife,
etc, I definitely would not be living my dream. It has been and continues to be a bumpy road. But I would not trade this for anyone else’s life I can think of.
Living like a pauper and hating mindless consumption also helps. I think that
should apply to all your readers.
Cheers Danno
March 31, 2009 at 8:30 am
As usual, you seem to be a mind reader and blog about what is on my mind anyway. We just had the definition of insanity at a work team meeting – doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results! (Einstein) I think that I get complacent and too afraid to get out of my comfort zone, but today might be a different choice!! My golden retriever that I had to sell when I moved last summer is available (through a series of moves, poor girl) and I am going to try and get her back, even though it will involve another move. There must be a reason she has been within my grasp four times in the past two months!!! I am finally on track with my Student Loan debt, and my life is looking up. I declined shopping with my visiting sister this weekend, telling her that I didn’t need anything, and did not want to find something I ’should’ buy on sale!! Mindless consumption was the topic of a TV show yesterday, and how it is cluttering our planet and depleting our resources. Just because it is cheap does not mean we need more….. (insert name). I tweak my budget weekly as well, lately eliminating all but food/gas/insurance/phone. And of course rent.
Great post as usual, Gail. BTW, did you get your hug yet??
March 31, 2009 at 8:39 am
I love going to bed at night and I can’t wait to get up in the morning to see what my day will bring. Every night before I go to bed I say to myself that I get another chance tomorrow.
I’m learning to be kinder to myself and forgiving of myself. For the longest time I followed the Golden Rule… Do onto to others as you would have others do unto you. But now I do unto my self first. I was always putting my self last and consequently I could not do as well for others.
To pay yourself first does not always mean money. How about time, kindness and forgiveness?
PS I especially love monday mornings!
March 31, 2009 at 9:23 am
I’m new to your blog and I have been impressed with have I’ve read. You give great advise and are inspirational. You have the know-how to explain concepts and ideas in a simple and easy way to understand. I loved the example of Babe Ruth (former) all time homerun champ and strikeout leader. Very poignant example that gives me perspective on my own mistakes.
However, I was a little less impressed with the example you used with your past failed relationships. I don’t know you or the things that you went through, so I don’t want to appear judgmental, although you recognized your mistakes and moved on, it could also be viewed that you gave up on your relationships.
This isn’t a personal comment against you, rather I felt that this example was a less effective one to get your point across.
March 31, 2009 at 9:41 am
I, as well, look forward to my daily-dose of Gail wisdom. I also believe that life is about lessons. While I’ve had some pretty crappy downs (lost loved ones important to me), I take something good out of who they were on this planet and can smile that they were a part of my life and I’m a better person for knowing them. Kudos to you for knowing when “it” no longer works because I think it oft times take more courage to walk away than stay unhappy. Obviously it changes you, but if you get up one more time than you fall down, you’re a success in my book! Good on you for your inspirational outlook on the world! Cheers.
March 31, 2009 at 10:08 am
Sonny – that’s silly. Sticking with any relationship for the sake of not giving up is the building block of a very unhappy life. Besides, deducing this from Gail’s post is very, very far fetched and it is more a reflection of your own problems rather than Gail’s.
March 31, 2009 at 11:09 am
I make no judgments calls. And it certainly was in no way an attack on her personal life or the essence of her message which is don’t give up and you will see successes. I certainly don’t advocate staying in an unhappy relationship just for the sake of it. I just wanted to point out that the example of leaving unsuccessful relationships seemed to run contrary to the general message of what it takes to have success. Again, this is not a personal attack.
March 31, 2009 at 11:32 am
@Suzanne – (wo)man cannot live on food/gas/insurance/phone/rent alone! I admire your discipline, but I hope you can adjust your budget to give yourself even a few dollars for entertainment, or that this is only a temporary situation.
March 31, 2009 at 11:35 am
@sonny – actually, imho it fits perfectly with the message of being flexible and re-evaluating your goals frequently.
March 31, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Hi Suzanne
I hope you will be able to get your dog back. Goldens are the most wonderful creatures. I am a firm believer that people and animals, and yes even some things, come into your life for a reason and always at the right time. I NEVER watched the channel where the show Til Debt plays and had never even heard of Gail but one evening there was nothing on and I was wearing out the remote control surfing for anything to watch and there SHE was. Changed our lives forever and at just the right time.
Our dog Mishka was the most obnoxious, stubborn, crazy, badly behaved, trouble making, eccentric, loving dog ever created. The Hubster called him Scum of the Earth. We didn’t want him but he just kept appearing in our lives and finally we surrendered to destiny. He dominated our lives and changed it. I lost 110 pounds because he insisted on being walked a dozen times a day. Would sit leaning against the front door with his leash in his mouth, sighing deeply and giving me dirty looks until I caved.
He also saved my life. All of a sudden the dog that was practically super glued to me and always sat with his head in my lap or lay down with his head on my feet stopped coming to me. In fact everyday he started walking up to me, sniffing me all over, growling deep in his throat and even baring his teeth at me and always with this very puzzled look on his face. I thought he was going senile or had rabies. But he was just confused. Knew that I was who I was but could not figure out why I wasn’t who I was. He could smell the cancer long before I felt it and the doctors found it.
I know that like so many of us you are on a very tight budget but a dog could be counted under the entertainment, sports, exercise and medical (especially mental health) categories of your budget sheet. She could even contribute to extra income. I used to dog walk my neighbors’ small dog once a day and they paid me $1 a time. I figured since I was going for a walk with Mishka anyways I might as well take theirs. When some of our other neighbors heard what I was doing they wanted me to do the same. Unfortunately all their dogs were big and controlling one large sized idiot was all I could handle at a time. And the one time I tried going for a walk with another dog and not taking Mishka along as well I came home to find my living room curtains shredded and someone had peed on my Fichus. I suspect the Hubster.
March 31, 2009 at 1:13 pm
Great atitude Gail!
I agree with you whole-heartedly. Every bump, mishap and misfortune helps define us as much as every success!
Mistakes are learning opportunities, you hope you have gleaned enough wisdom to anticipate (and avoid) similar unpleasantries next time!
Recognizing that something was a mistake can be the most dificult part (especially when it caomes to money).
March 31, 2009 at 1:40 pm
I completely agree, although it’s certainly more easy for me to say than to do!
March 31, 2009 at 2:43 pm
Gotta have my daily dose of ‘Gail Mail’!
Your post is so true! I think the biggest thing I’ve learned these past months is to pay myself first. I’m talking money…not personal care etc.
It’s been a real light bulb moment for me.
March 31, 2009 at 3:09 pm
Maureen, you gave me goose bumps!! So glad to still have you with us. I did buy Bailey back, for less than half what I sold her for, and got her $150 travel crate to boot!! She licked the crap out of my face, and some of my tears. You are absolutely right, she will be good for my health, and that of my teenager, who immediately brushed two pounds of hair out of her 70# frame! Hope my landlord understands while I look for a dog-friendly place. Winkwink, fret not, I am not permanently depriving myself. This is only temporary, since I have a month long holiday this summer, and want to go on a road trip, while still maintaining all my bills that are blessedly current!! I also need a $500 repair/update to my $8,000 Designer I Computerized Embroidery/sewing machine, so I can return to making money with it. So, between normal bills, my entertainment is my horse, which I got for free (but not free to keep), and now my beautiful Golden Retriever Bailey!!! Thanks for caring, ladies/gents. Pray for me tonight, on my 10 hour shift, since I never went to bed when I got home at 2 a.m., and have to leave for work in two hours……. repeat after me ” I am retarded…”
March 31, 2009 at 4:36 pm
Suzanne – glad to hear you have your pet back. They truly are a member of the family! My boyfriend and I are only half joking when we tell people we bought a townhouse (18 months away from moving in) so that we could get a dog or two.
March 31, 2009 at 6:56 pm
@Suzanne – Oh Happy Day! I am SO thrilled you and Bailey are reunited.
@Maureen – you have an angel….and her name is Mishka – be well!
March 31, 2009 at 8:01 pm
Suzanne, I certainly did. Watch the mail. One big hug deserves another. kiss kiss hug hug
March 31, 2009 at 10:00 pm
agree with just about everything in today’s message….except the part about the relationship thing.
i’m old school…..say ‘i do’ and short of abuse and/or adultery…..make it work. especially when there are children involved.
but please know, that i am in no way passing judgement on the matter.
i still want to cook with you gail.
March 31, 2009 at 10:55 pm
Suzanne…. Big congrats on getting your Bailey back. I also have a Golden Retriever named Bailey, baydog for short. I’m very happy for you. The joy they bring surpasses almost everything else.
I check Gail’s blogs every day and now find myself postponing Friday in order that I have something to read on Saturdays. I’ve never had a budget, have debt and am working at things one step at a time. I have a ton of questions, but will work my way up to asking them. I have removed my cc’s from my wallet and have been living on cash only this past week.
I’m glad to hear that you all tweak your budgets. If they were in stone, I’d be in trouble. Thanks for all your comments. I”m learning. Slowly but surely.
Here’s a question….. do I still work on saving some money even with the debt to pay off? I’m guessing the answer is “yes”, but I feel guilty for having some cash put aside in a savings account when I have creditors to pay.
Thanks for everything. I’ll keep reading. Donna
April 1, 2009 at 12:20 pm
Hi Donna: The title of this blog is Setting Goals : Learn from your mistakes. Seems I am still and will always be in class for Mistakes 101.
This was our big mistake. We spent over 2 years paying off our debts very, very, aggressively. It was hard but our luck held until the day we paid off our last debt and on the way home our van broke down. Since we had no emergency savings we had to put the repairs back onto a credit card. Bummer. Turned our elation into a real downer and made us feel we would never really get ahead. It also – fortunately – made us realize the importance of emergency savings. Better to have some cash then keep on paying interest to credit cards. You never know when something will happen and if you depend on your credit cards or line of credit as your emergency fund you will never be truly debt free.
In retrospect we should have taken a little longer to pay off our debts and put some money aside for emergencies. Our attitude has always been to think of savings as not that important. In fact we never did anything about it and even when we thought about it savings was the last thing we ever considered doing with our money. We were sillies who always thought we could depend on our credit and the bank of Mom and Pop. And boy did we pay. Literally tens of thousands in interest. Today we put 10% of our earnings into savings. But you can start with less as long as you start.
As for tweaking budgets. I am a terrific tweaker. I set up a “distribution” sheet on excel and with every pay I distribute the money as needed. Takes me only minutes and I can move it around when needed.
April 1, 2009 at 12:33 pm
Hi Suzanne: Yeah for Bailey! We often babysit a friends Golden who is also named Bailey. Her greatest joy is cat sitting. Literally. She loves to climb on the couch and sit on top of the cat. Almost like she is trying to hatch an egg and Boris the cat is so laid back that he never even wakes up. Fortunately Bailey has never tried to sit on the other cat, Natasha. I could not afford the vet bills.
Have you ever considered making pet clothes with your sewing skills? My friend from Texas has just started doing this and can’t keep up. She made some “scarves” for her 2 dogs that she embroidered with the logo of the local hockey team and where ever she walked her dogs people stopped her and wanted to know where she bought the scarves. So she decided to make them and sell them. In fact despite the fact that we were already in a recession last December one of the few industries that increased their sales over Christmas was for pet accessories.
Wish I had a horse. In fact if we ever win the lottery I intend to have 1000 and set up a therapy riding school for handicapped kids. I used to go with a friend of mine and her daughter. Apparently even just sitting on a horse uses all your muscles and especially uses combinations of muscles. Not to mention it is FUN.
April 1, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Hi Catherine
Thank you for you well wishes. I AM doing well. Yes, Mishka was my guardian angel here on earth and I know he is still keeping an eye on me. He was such a bossy and nosy dog. He passed away from old age when I was in hospital – something that still makes me cry. He was napping on the floor beside the couch where my husband was napping but only one of them woke up. My husband said that he must have felt his job was done.
We keep his memory alive with a memorial fund. We have fewer animals now than we have ever had but we still budget the same amount for pet food as before. Every month from the pet fund we set aside $5 for the Canadian Cancer Society in Mishka’s name. Note of interest. Revenue Canada did not accepted our charitable donation receipt with his name on it. What? A dog can’t donate just because he has no income? We also set aside $1 a month in remembrance for each of our pets who has passed away and that money we donate to the local humane society. Kind of a “pay it forward” idea.
You be well too!
April 1, 2009 at 1:27 pm
Just thought I would post an update on life with Bailey. I have personally walked her (long walks!) four times in the past 24 hours, and DJ has taken her out probably five! We definitely need a house with a back yard! My teenage son who decided he was too smart to continue with his Grade 12, and subsequently moved in with another aimless friend (living off HIS mother) is currently sleeping in my bed, dog beside him. I work ten hour shifts, so he dog sat last night, and got up with her at 8: 30 this am. I got the 10:30 walking shift. It is crisp and cool outside, and I honestly have not been up this early in ages!! (I work till 2 or 3 a.m., and don’t go to bed until around 5 0r 6) There are dog tracks on my kitchen floor, and hair on the area rug in the computer room. And I am so content! I do believe DS will be moving home, he had his friend deliver his Xbox to my house while I was at work!! I do have the worry about finding a place to rent that allows pets within the next few days, but I am so happy to have Bailey back, I want to cry tears of joy! Just when I think I have my budget tweaked, I find a way to be spending more money. But you are right, I did manage to come across a multi-sized dog coat pattern, and have been collecting various items to recycle into said coats – plaid blankets, etc. Boots are another item that are sensible for dogs, prevents ice build up between their toes. Thanks everyone for all your well wishes – it’s so nice to see that others care about our reunion. I wish I could post a picture of my four legged girls, they are so beautiful! Makes people smile just to look at them!!! Have a great April Fools Day!
June 28, 2009 at 1:57 am
wonderful inspiring post
March 17, 2010 at 11:48 pm
I’m totally hooked on Sonny with a chance, Nico is my favorite on the show! Thanks for posting this, I enjoyed reading it!