Potty Mouth Positives
Posted by Gail | Filed under Gail Pleasures
Anyone who has spent more than a couple of hours with me knows I have a potty mouth. And for y’all who think swearing is a sign of a bad vocabulary, I’m here to tell ya it just ain’t so.
I was sitting at a dinner party doing my usual bit when it came to light that the gentleman two to my right was a Baptist minister. My radar must have gone off because my JCs were at a minimum. He wanted to know why a beautiful and obviously intelligent woman like myself (aww… gee) felt the need to use such awful language.
Y’know, I’m not all hung up on the language thing. I remember telling my kids early on that they’d get in way more trouble with me for attitude than for language. A “fine” said with a roll of the eyes and a huff was much more likely to earn my ire than a FU said in fun. I think it’s because I put so much emphasis on INTENT.
But the minister’s question still needed to be answered. I swear because I like to swear. It makes me feel better. It doesn’t hurt anybody, and it doesn’t hurt me. In fact, according to the most recent research, swearing can help to alleviate pain.
The study of swearing goes back a long way. In 1965, a man who had his brain split in half, found his ability to speak limited, but his ability to swear in no way impaired.
Bad language it seems hinges on our much older brain circuitry than language, and has strong ties to the parts of our brains that process emotion. The amygdala, an almond-shaped group of neurons that can trigger the fight-or-flight response, is often activated when we’re spewing swearwords.
The dreaded F-bomb (my personal fav) has been around for eons. The first instance seems to date back to a satirical poem, written in Latin, in the year 1500. It was the word that kept Lady Chatterley’s Lover out of “polite” society. And the word is still considered unutterable in polite company. NewsTalk1010 and Slice both have to bleep me since it’s still banned from most television/radio stations and newspapers, though The Globe and Mail did quote me directly in a piece they did on me some time ago.
In his book, The Stuff of Thought, Steven Pinker (one of my favourite brains) included a detailed analysis of swearing. According to Pinker, the angry vocalization is used reflexively to startle and intimidate an attacker.
Timothy Jay, a psychologist at the Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts has studied profanity for 35 years and says that it allows us to “vent or express anger, joy, surprise, happiness.” Yup, that just about covers all the reasons why I swear. He goes on to say, “It’s like a horn on your car – you can do a lot of things with it. It’s built into you.”
Hey, if you tick me off, you betcha I’ll be leaning on my horn. If that offends you, stay out of my lane.
March 17, 2013 at 7:44 am
I ain’t no saint…and I use as much foul language as the next guy BUT, I do believe that in certain company and instances language needs to be toned down..it comes down to respect for the people around you….when you don’t have respect for others then you are just a bully with a big mouth….
March 17, 2013 at 8:12 am
While I respect the rights of others to use whatever language seems to suit the situation I find I back away from people who use profanity. I find it unsettling (which apparently is its historical reason for existence) and go in search of someone with a little more imagination in their choice of words.
March 17, 2013 at 8:35 am
I am sorry. I usually agree with most things that you say, but not this. I lose all respect for people who are potty mouths. I agree that it can relieve stress, but I can think of a lot of other more positive stress relievers.
March 17, 2013 at 9:53 am
I totally believe in substance over form.
Who cares if someone swears to express a feeling or point. I find that some people get so caught up in the little things that they neglect the bigger issues in life. They also use the argument that you’re not intelligent if you swear – again, substance over form. Those same people will use “beautiful” language to say absolutely nothing and simply waste time.
On your death bed, are you really going to wish you didn’t swear as much?
However – frequency is another issue, but that does not really have to do with swearing but more to do with hearing the same word/phrase repeated too often – eg. “like”, “you know”.
March 17, 2013 at 10:54 am
This is a respect issue to me as well. Swearing makes some people uncomfortable, and so unless that is your purpose, then in some company it’s just good manners to tone it down. There is a reason it is considered offensive. The message can get lost in a string of profanity as well.
Also, if you are bilingual in a room full of English only people, would you speak French? If you want to communicate with people, you need to use language they will relate to and understand.
We tried to teach our children to use language appropriate to the situation, and that is also how I try to live.
March 17, 2013 at 11:01 am
They have actually recently done a study that proved those who swear are more honest than those who do not.
I have a potty mouth. Its a form of expression, a form of spoken language and our language is always evolving.
March 17, 2013 at 11:13 am
I agree with what you have said.. but there seems to be a second type of person (usually youngish and male) who uses the f-bomb the way valley girls in the 1980’s used the words “like” and “ok.” it comes up several times in each sentence and they don’t even realize that they are using it. I have noticed this a few times at work, but recently, my four year old told a guy in his twenties “that is a BAD word!” The look he gave her wasn’t embarrassment at cussing in mixed company, it was complete bafflement as if he either didn’t know he had done it or didn’t understand why she would object.
March 17, 2013 at 11:22 am
I personally do not wish to be around people who frequently swear as I think it shows a lack of respect for those present and it makes me uncomfortable. However, alone in my car, when some idiot driver does something dangerous in front of me, sometimes those bad words do pop out.
March 17, 2013 at 11:27 am
I guess I would be considered a potty mouth as well. Hubby says when I get peed off I can make most dock workers blush. I think it all depends on the situation. I’ve never been shy with words and I’m not about to change now. Most times I watch my P’s & Q’s but there are moments when nothing else but a good cuss word is the only way to get someones attention. It’s like giving your kid a smack on the back of the head. Unfortunately, it is now against the law to smack people to get there attention. Gibbs gets away with it!
March 17, 2013 at 12:10 pm
I love all your blogs 99% of the time, but this one I do not. I think of it this way, that when you were born and then grew older and learned how to speak, the first words out of your mouth were not swear words. They were words on how to get what you needed. eg. water, food, etc. Somewhere, someplace you had to learn these words. It just didn’t come out of your mouth instantanously. All my life I had to listen to people swear for different reasons. I do not. I think that if you have to it just shows that you don’t have control. I just lose respect for people who swear especially women, it just shows they do not have enough respect for the themselves or the people they are around. Gail, I hope that maybe that in the future you could see the errors of your ways and find a better solution to swearing!
March 17, 2013 at 1:25 pm
People laugh at me when I swear because I do it so rarely. I’ve always felt it’s not-so-bad to swear in certain situations so long as you’re not swearing at anyone. However, I draw the line at “taking the Lord’s name in vane.” I get that many people don’t share my religious beliefs, but I do think it’s disrespectful to use another person’s religion or culture in such a way.
March 17, 2013 at 1:28 pm
Sorry Gayle, I don’t think it shows much respect to other people to swear around them if it bothers them. It’s not necessary, and I try not to offend people for no good reason. To me, it’s sort of like smoking around non smokers, you shouldn’t put people in a position of having to endure it if they don’t want to. No reason you can’t have good attitudes and good language, at least around those who mind. What you say when someone cuts you off in traffic, that I understand! @Erin B, my son said that’s what it is like at university, lots of kids do that without thinking.
March 17, 2013 at 1:59 pm
There is nothing better than releasing your anger as much as the F-Bomb. I’m not a daily swearer, but when the time is right sometimes those words just need to be said. I don’t really care how often anyone around me swears – I find that those who swear get their point across – there’s no beating around the bush with them. I have no problem with it, so Gail, keep on swearing! My 3 year old has heard us swear – but we do our best to keep it to a minimum. My husband and I were joking around the other night and he called me a jackass – in fun. Well, you should have seen my daughter’s face!!! She said “Mom, dad just called you a jackass!!!”. She made him apologize – a small lesson learned on her part – that you don’t call people names. In the end it’s just words people.
March 17, 2013 at 3:57 pm
I find it difficult when people say “it’s just words”. Words are very important and can be used to build up or tear down. Tone is also very important, maybe even more so. Maybe it is just my generation (Yet not much older than Gail), but I just find some swearing offends me, even though I do say the odd swear word. I especially detest the F .. word and taking the Lord’s name in vain.
March 17, 2013 at 5:20 pm
I swear all the time. I am educated, well read and have a broad based vocabulary that affords me endless options with which to express myself. However, there is nothing like the good old F-bomb. At this point I don’t even consider Jesus Christ to be a form of cursing; however, add the F-Bomb between the two words and you’ve got yourself a bonafide profanity. Although, is it really profane? I don’t think so. I think it’s just words and the value attached to them is up to the individual.
Let’s consider the ever so humble F-Bomb since it’s Gail’s favorite as well as mine. It is more adaptable than any other word I know. It can be used as a noun, adjective, adverb and at it’s most versatile a verb (both transitive and intransitive, active or passive). Talk about bang for your buck. You can even insert it into the middle of other words for emphasis, it truly is fan-f*<#ing-tastic.
The F-bomb can express so many things including; but not limited to, anger, surprise, disbelief, happiness, pain, pleasure, condemnation, annoyance and my personal favourite…bewilderment.
I for one would love to see a show with Gail uncensored. I'd pay $3/month for a cable channel where Gail could actually say out loud what she was truly thinking when she deals with some of the contributors on her show. All I can think when I watch her shows is WTF were you thinking people.
If you look down on someone because they swear, I think that says more about you than it does them. It tells me you are a closed minded individual who doesn't see people for what they really are; and, you think you are somehow above them because of their choice of words. It must be difficult for you to watch a movie or read a novel without being offended. I feel sorry for you. You are missing out on a lot this world has to offer.
The best judges of character I know are my dogs, they can sniff out evil in the blink of an eye. I curse at them all the time and they don't seem to care.
Disclaimer: This rant could have been much better if Id've dropped in a few f-bombs.
March 17, 2013 at 5:43 pm
I am the person who recently wrote in complaining about the title of your forthcoming TV show, because I found the title rather offensive. As soon as I did that, two other people wrote into the blog stating that they agreed with me, so I am not alone in this matter.
At the time I wondered whether the choosing of the show’s name was somehow out of your control, but now it appears that it is not something that you disapprove of and that it is not the brainchild of some hotshot whizzkid new grad producer, fresh out of college.
Gail, I don’t think you realise or appreciate your fame or popularity. This is evidenced in the number of re-runs of TDUDP, often being broadcast in the early morning. I have seen my children watching your programmes, but am not always able – nor do I want to have to – vet what they are listening to, as I am running around trying to get little ones ready for school, or preparing to get myself to work. Where I come from (Ireland), there is a strict ‘watershed’ in the evening that signifies when programmes for grown-ups will come on which may include bad language; up until that time, children are largely protected from acts of violence, ‘potty mouths’ etc etc.
It will be a shame if my preschooler starts cursing like a sailor, but does not have the vocabulary to explain to her teacher that she heard Gail saying it! I would be mortified!
March 17, 2013 at 5:57 pm
Wow, a lot of people are offended by a few words.
Here’s what offends me. Child poverty, genocide, nuclear weapons, war, domestic violence, animal neglect/cruelty, cancer, homophobia, homelessness and discrimination.
The fact that someone uses a four letter word is the least of my concerns.
Peace
March 17, 2013 at 6:44 pm
“The pen is mightier than the sword”. Words are very powerful, and I think it is very important for each person to choose their words carefully and use the words that best convey their meaning.
When my children have been extremely upset about something that happened to them — bullying, unfair treatment — they have used swear words because they are the only words they have that are potent enough to communicate the depth of their pain. That makes sense to me, but after they calm down we talk about why swearing should be a rarity instead of a common occurrence.
I have a very low tolerance for swearing for the sake of expressing surprise. I have been known to jokingly scold people for saying, “My God!” by replying that it is my God too. I grew up in a very religious and conservative household, so using swear words that refer to religion, sex and bodily functions are not part of my day-to-day life. I find hearing those words very shocking, which is what they were intended to do. I am offended by religious references taken very lightly. I blush when people refer to sexual and bodily functions non-chalantly. I don’t consider those topics of conversation to be broached in public.
I have encouraged my children to be creative and choose non-offensive words or phrases in lieu of swearing. I try to model this behaviour. In the few occasions where I have narrowly avoided a car crash because the other driver or the pedestrian didn’t see me before entering my path, I have use some colourful language. After I have calmed down, I apologized to my kids for exposing them to such impolite behaviour.
Sorry Gail, I agree with many things you say. This is not one of them. Our words are powerful weapons, and I think they should be used for good.
March 17, 2013 at 8:32 pm
I will gladly join you in the Potty Mouth club!
My kids were taught early on that ” they are just words, and they are free to use them at home.” They are also free to use them outside the home, However we have told then that they will most likely not be invited to parties if their friends parents hear them , or they may get in trouble if their teachers hear them. Using or not using the “words” is their choice. In our home using the F-bomb (or any other words you like) is perfectly fine, however Saying “duh” or “whatever” with attitude is Unacceptable.
March 17, 2013 at 9:25 pm
I am a daily reader but don’t usually comment. Today I have to because I feel I need to throw my hat in the ring with the potty mouths! I am a horrible potty mouth. Most of the time I’m able to filter in situations where it would be considered inappropriate to swear, but as soon as I’m comfortable with someone the filter disappears. Despite the fact that I know my cursing is 100% harmless and never ever directed at anyone personally (in a demeaning way), I do feel like I need to work on my filter more because I know some people really don’t like it. It does bug me that my swearing is likely more frowned upon than a man swearing though.
March 17, 2013 at 10:33 pm
I swear like a sailor on a three day pass. I also have an excellent vocabulary, mind, and work a stressful job in pediatric medicine. It’s a stress-reliever and I will not apologize to anyone who feels it necessary to place their puritanical values on me.
March 18, 2013 at 8:48 am
@Denise and Donna Wilson: “swear words” only have meaning because mainstream society considers them rebellious/offensive/shocking/amusing/disrespectful. People who challenge convention often help change that convention. I think it’s interesting how some words like “damn” have become more acceptable over the years because of common use — and therefore lose some of their effect.
I worry about the “it’s your problem, not mine” argument because I’ve also heard it applied to sexual or racial slanders (and other derogatory terms used against a group of people). They’re “just words” too, aren’t they? (IMHO, there’s no such thing as a “meaningless” word.)
I think we need debate about language, and unfortunately judgment is going to be a part of that.
March 18, 2013 at 8:56 am
I’m not big on swearing, but since I work for the trucking industry and married into a family of truck drivers I’ve heard it all. I find I’ve lightened up about my language policing over the years due to the over-exposure as I’ve realised they are only words. Now, when my husband interjects an f-bomb 7 times in the same sentence I still tell him to watch his mouth and have respect as I don’t like to hear it, but I have come to appreciate that the word still has its merits when used in the right context and company. And, honestly, there are times when it is “le mot juste”.
I recently had this conversation with my 9 year old daughter, who asked me when she would be old enough to have permission to swear. I told her they are only words, and that like other words you use them when you mean them not just to say them or they lose their power. I also discussed respect with her, in that these words are only used around similar people who use similar words – not in front of authority figures like teachers or elders like parents or grandma. I know she’s heard it all not just from Daddy but also at school and on the bus from the older kids and we can’t shelter her forever. Words are a tool, and these words may be rude but they still have their purpose. I think a lot of people worry too much about such a small thing when we have such larger problems in the world.
March 18, 2013 at 9:18 am
right on Sparky.
you can say pretty much what you want to anyone…just not in any WAY you want
time and place for everything
and the FU attitude is not always the right one.
March 18, 2013 at 9:22 am
Thank you for f*****g posting this Gail! I am a proud potty mouth. We have been discussing this lately…my kids laugh when I swear, and they know from hubby and myself that so long as you are always respectful of others, never aim it at anyone or hurt anyone, never purposely attack or speak ill of others while doing so, then go ahead. It is not an issue. I am with you on the attitude issues being a HUGE problem for us versus a foul mouth. My dad was a trucker all of my life, he just retired. We never heard anything BUT potty mouth and when we shocked others with ours, we truly didn’t think twice. We simply don’t draw attention to it nor give it much more credence than what it is…a way to vent. Awesome post!
March 18, 2013 at 9:29 am
@Denise…your quote “If you look down on someone because they swear, I think that says more about you than it does them. It tells me you are a closed minded individual who doesn’t see people for what they really are; and, you think you are somehow above them because of their choice of words. It must be difficult for you to watch a movie or read a novel without being offended. I feel sorry for you. You are missing out on a lot this world has to offer.” is FAN F*****G TASTIC! Agreed! I laugh at the snotty replies to having issue.
March 18, 2013 at 9:46 am
I disagree with you on this one.
I admit, I swear on occasion (hammer meets toe!)….but it’s not constant. I get annoyed and frustrated listening to someone swearing constantly. My former neighbour was famous for this — every fourth word was a swear — I didn’t want my child around him, and he came across as an uneducated jerk. In workplace situations — again, being around someone swearing every tenth word — they come across as unprofessional and reflecting poorly on the business.
I tell my kid that someone who swears doesn’t know enough of the language to find other words to describe what they need to say. (Yes, I’m trying to avoid him getting that potty mouth that kidrs seem to pick up…..)
March 18, 2013 at 10:18 am
After joining the army my vocabulary expanded somewhat. (It is amazing how many different ways a four letter word can be used!) I found that swearing could be useful. My platoon knew that I was not one to swear much so when I did start swearing they knew that I was truly pissed and they had better get in line. Swearing once a month when I wanted to make a point was so much more effective then swearing every second word. But I guess my situation was fairly specific.
March 18, 2013 at 10:42 am
Proud potty mouth here! And while I can sort of understand people who are like ‘well, I just don’t like it’… you know who makes me spitting mad? The ones who are like ‘a LADY shouldn’t swear’, but they’ll give guys a pass!
That one deserves the biggest FU of all!
March 18, 2013 at 4:12 pm
Limiting my vocabulary to consciously keep out words is not something I’m prepared to do. I grew up with a punk rock crowd. It’s the way most of us still talk to this day. Trying to sound nice all the time would be conforming to the wishes of others. …No thanks.
The greatest wordsman of our time said this on the subject: “There are no bad words. …Ever.” – Leonard Chohen
March 18, 2013 at 6:17 pm
Sorry Gail, love your blog but have to disagree with you on this one. If it’s not such a big deal then why are all the proponents so “proud” to be a potty mouth?
I don’t have issues with swearing so much as I do with others knowing the time and place of when it’s appropriate to do so: public places are not that time or place in my opinion. Subjecting others to what you know is not polite or socially acceptable in order to be controversial or ‘interesting’ is not appropriate or kind, imo.
March 19, 2013 at 12:26 am
Right on, Gail. I’m not surprised so many people disagree with you but I respect you for writing out your own opinions knowing that they won’t.
Personally, I love to swear. I just love the F word. It feels so wonderful to say and can actually make you feel better.
Those who take offense, well, it’s hard for people to change their minds on the way they were brought up. I actually made a vow when I was younger not to swear because my older brothers swore all the time and I thought it was horrible. As I grew older I decided it wasn’t as big of a deal as I thought it was. Not to say that others should “grow up” and decide the same. We all have different beliefs. I grew into this one. I also would never take god’s name in vain and was incredibly sensitive to people saying “oh my god”. Now my favourite swears include abusing the christian god’s name. It’s just satisfying.
Like Denise said above, the things I find offensive are “Child poverty, genocide, nuclear weapons, war, domestic violence, animal neglect/cruelty, cancer, homophobia, homelessness and discrimination.”
I’ll add child abuse by the Catholic church to that and point you in the direct of Tim Minchin’s “The Pope Song”.
March 19, 2013 at 7:03 am
Another f-bomb user here. I too have a filter and my husband compliments me and my sisters on our filters. It’s all about intent in my opinion. I have always felt way.
I do find it interesting harsh many people feel the need to tell Gail how to live and change. Seriously??? How is this harming anyone of you?
March 19, 2013 at 10:37 am
I have to agree with Fiona’s post (re: the show title) and as a religious person myself, I do find ‘JC’ as a swear word upsetting. I can understand if people accidentally say it once in a while but it sounds like you said it repeatedly during a few hours – to me, that’s not respectful, and at the least, it’s not proper dinner party etiquette.
March 19, 2013 at 12:58 pm
LOL… I drop the f-bomb quite frequently, though I try not to do it around my kids. As for it relieving pain, I used it A LOT when I was in labour with both my children and I don’t remember the pain getting any better
hahaha!
March 19, 2013 at 4:07 pm
F**king A Gail!
I agree with you.. it’s definitely the intent behind the words that’s the real issue.. swearing used to solely intimidate and bully usually puts others backs up and causes more tension.. who hasn’t flipped the bird at a driver who’s being obnoxious or dangerous? No swearing was involved..but all involved know what’s being said lol. But I don’t think I know one person that has never uttered some sort of swear word either in jest with others or at themselves..like when you forget to enter that payment on spending journal and you didn’t realize until you’re already into overdraft hehe. We won the PNE prize home a few years back and I know the moment they told me over the phone (also unbeknownst to me, live on the radio) my first thought and first words out of my mouth was “HOLY SHIT’!! Somethings a well placed swear word says it all lol.
March 19, 2013 at 9:26 pm
I swear quite nicely, I’ve been told, in 3 different languages. I also have been told I speak, read, and write all 3 languages beautifully. I am well-educated, with deep ethics and morals.
All that being said, should I choose to drop the proverbial F-bomb I don’t believe I’ve committed a sin against humankind. I may even look sheepish afterward, depending on the situation. I won’t apologize for it (unless it’s to my daughter), but I certainly wouldn’t use it in front of my mother.
I agree with those who believe that using the name of Christ Jesus in vain is a sin. That is my believe and when I hear it, I try to follow it in my mind with “blessed be”, or “bless me”. Something to remind me that I am a follower of Christ.
I am neither proud, nor apologetic, for swearing. It happens in my life, and probably always will. I make a habit of not being derogatory in order to be demeaning. I WILL scream out at a footie match, as I believe the passion of the sport overwhelms and deserves such outbursts.
And I am thankful we all have the right to ree speech, at least here in America. I do try very hard not to offend anyone, if I know purity of speech is his/her preference. However, being me, I have to admit that I will find myself spurting all kinds of colorful commentary at the least expected moment. No apologies necessary if I hear you, and please be tolerant of me. Thank you!
March 19, 2013 at 9:27 pm
*free speech* what was I thinking?
March 23, 2013 at 7:42 pm
Sorry Gail, you are off the mark here.
As a so called expert on money management, you should be able to express your message without profanity. Anything less is simply, unprofessional.
I’ve heard you ‘bleeped’ on NewsTalk 1010 – how tacky. I’m not a listener.
March 25, 2013 at 6:34 pm
I really think it lessens your crediblilty whether you think it does or not. A potty mouth, as you say, doesn’t scream professional to me. Do whatever you want in private, but not respecting others religious beliefs etc, is just plain rude.
I guess it boils down to intent. I’m sure you wouldn’t love it if I threw an F bomb in front of, in the middle of, or at the end of “baby girl” when referring to your daughter. I obviously would never do that, because I would never try to disrespect someone, that is important to you. The same thing applies for when you are having dinner with a minister, or in a situation where using “JC” in a derogatory way is offensive to the company you are in.
I would always try to lean a little more to the respect side whether I agreed with it or not, and am teaching my children to try to respect others in the same way. You won’t see me grinning with pride for teaching my kids that swearing around the house is respectful. It simply comes across as unintelligent.
March 25, 2013 at 9:59 pm
A friend once told me – what if F**k was ’spoon ‘. Ridiculous right? So Gail, if I do get out of your lane it won’t be because I’m offended, but only because your idea of when to stop is when the car goes crunch (I heard it from you!)
I have a terrible potty mouth, my fav is ’shit’. I’m educated, well-spoken, successful business owner – and I say shit. A lot. all the time. Sue me.
Looking forward to your new show!
March 25, 2013 at 11:15 pm
[...] And my biggest take away, other than to get out of her lane… [...]
March 26, 2013 at 10:17 am
Hi Gail, I enjoy your shows and your blog, but I think this will be my first time commenting. I’m one of those people who “guards my tongue” as best I can. I’m certainly not perfect, but I try. Words can wound and offend. To say swearing “doesn’t hurt anybody” isn’t true, if you consider offense a hurt. Every time I read a comment above from a “proud potty mouth” I cringed. Since when is that something to be proud of? And to echo some of the other comments, I tend to keep people who love to swear at arm’s length. I don’t need or want their words filling my head.