Making Changes
Posted by Gail | Filed under Life Lessons, Take Control
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I meet and hear from a lot of people who are making big changes to their lives. They’ve decided to take control of their money. They’ve decided to take control of their lives. When I talk to them about how they’re going about making changes, they seem to share some characteristics. Whether they’re trying to get to Debt Free Forever, establishing an emergency fund for the first time, or making a commitment to live on a budget, their approach is what makes them successful.
They analyze their weaknesses. If you love to shop, and you acknowledge that fact, you can also see that hanging out at the mall isn’t exactly conducive to your No Shop Plan. If you love to eat out and you always agree to meet friends in a restaurant, you’re simply reinforcing your weakness. One of the best ways to fight an old habit is to recognize the underlying pleasure you derive and then change your environment so you aren’t tempted.
They do one thing at a time. If you get so caught up in making things better that you try to do too much, you’ll split your energy and focus, and wear yourself out. Successful changers pick something they’re going to do differently TODAY, and they do that thing. Once that new pattern is established, they pick the next thing they are going to do. This stops them from going off in all directions and achieving nothing.
They take small steps. Hand in hand with the one-thing-at-a-time philosophy is the “baby steps” strategy. If you’ve always been comfortable doing things in a certain way, it’s hard to change. Always buy whatever you want whenever you want? It can be hard to quit cold-turkey. Establishing a no-shop day is one way to start slowly. No Shop Saturday can grow into No Shop Friday and Saturday. The change doesn’t have to be drastic to be profound. Small steps get you to where you’re going without the risk of sliding back.
They demonstrate Stick-to-it-ness. Yup, if you don’t have the persistence to stay the course, it’s pretty hard to succeed. The only barrier between you and what you want to achieve is gumption. You’ve got to be a hard-headed hard-ass and demonstrate determination. Put inertia on your side, and each step you take will create the momentum for the next step.
They set milestones. If you want to maintain momentum, you’ve got to create a map for where you’re going, and you have to take pleasure from each milestone you achieve. Change is hard. Rewarding yourself with a pat on the back each time you achieve a goal is the best way to keep moving forward.
They accept their mistakes. There are a lot of people who say they won’t do something because they can’t do it perfectly. If I can’t be completely debt free by Tuesday, then I’m not even going to bother to try. This is an excuse. It’s a sign of weakness that you can’t get past your idea of perfect so you can achieve some small glimmer of change. When learning anything new, mistakes are part of the process. Accept them. Learn from them. And move forward.
They do their best. It’s hard getting from one place to another if you’re always beating yourself up because of what you haven’t done right. People who are successful at changing promise to do their best and accept that sometimes they’ll miss. But it’s the effort that counts. They don’t whine and moan about how hard the change is. They do whatever they can to make the change a new part of their lives. And they don’t resort to self-pity when things hit a wall. They say, “I’ve done my best today. Tomorrow I’ll try again, and I’ll do my best.”
How long have you been thinking about what you want to change in your life? How much daydreaming have you done about how life would be if only…? How afraid are you that you will fail?
Boys and girls, it’s time to feel the fear and do it anyway. Take a step forward. Use your energy to reach your goals, rather than just dreaming, or worrying, or fighting, or crying, or moaning, or whining. A little less “thinking” and a little more “doing” is what will get you from where you are now, to where you want to be.
March 2, 2009 at 9:02 am
great post Gail, very motivating for a monday morning!!!
March 2, 2009 at 10:13 am
An anecdote/point/whatever about baby steps and change (a point I picked up from a spiritual leader):
A drop of water doesn’t seem like much, does it? Water, by it’s nature, conforms to the “containers” that hold it. It does not have strength or force to it. Splash some against a rock, and who “wins”? The rock, right? Of course…such a foolish question! But a tiny drop of water, dripping on a rock over the course of a years – a tiny drop – can cause a dent in something as hard as a rock! Just look at a river, or the valleys in a mountain range (caused by the pressure of water over time)! But of course, one cannot see that the rock denting/spliting as it’s happening, but it does happen. Much like baby steps in changing habits. It may not seem like you’re making a difference or that much is happening, but you have to trust that continued efforts, regardless of how small, will eventually erode that “rock” that is getting in your way.
Keep fighting! You can all do it!
March 2, 2009 at 10:20 am
Dear Gail,
This is a great post! Thank you.
March 2, 2009 at 10:29 am
…Erran – so true, and to both you and Gail, very uplifting for a day that I can barely keep my head up (cold season)…That’s exactly how I’ve tackled things, and it’s working.
Thanks!!!
March 2, 2009 at 1:29 pm
I love my daily “Gail fix”, can’t start the day without it. How true that this process does not go perfectly, but like a diet change, it’s the acknowledging the pitfalls, and continuing to go forward, not giving up, that separates the soon to be debt free from the drowning in debt forevers. Each setback only confirms why I personally need to stay the course, and helps identify problem areas that need tweaking. Like the water/rock analogy, the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. Thanks again Gail, and your hug will be in the mail this week.
March 2, 2009 at 1:36 pm
Thanks for sharing that Erran!
Gail, baby steps are so helpful. If I try to accomplish everything at once (as I often try to do!) I get burnt out and frusterated.
Right now I’m trying to change my ways and become more of a homebody. I’m planning paintings, some do-it-yourself pursuits, some reading, and helping my husband with our garden.
To help me make these changes, I’m reading lots of info on gardening, self sustainability etc. I’m planning my artwork and talking to like-minded friends. I’m budgeting for my small renos and staying away from the malls & big box stores. I’ve always been good about making a list for my shopping, sticking to it is the challenge.
I can’t wait for Spring to arrive so we can spend more time outside enjoying nature & exploring. My part of the world has been very icy for the last few months, which makes for slippery winter outings.
March 2, 2009 at 2:03 pm
I am finaly debt free! The difficult thing was to accept that I could do only so much at a given time. The car is payed off and the student loan is DONE DONE DONE (under the 6-year mark as well)!
It is just weird now. But I do have goals: saving MORE for a down on a house and catch up on RSPs. GETTING THERE!
Key points: achievable goals and know your limits!
March 2, 2009 at 2:08 pm
Thanks for the inspiring message Gail!
Congratulations to you Marie on being debt free! Way to go! I like your ‘Gail thinking’ in your future goals ;o)
March 2, 2009 at 9:23 pm
The road to debt is paved with good intentions. It is ALL about taking that first step and making it a baby step. If you wait for the right time or the right amount on money, it will merely be something you want to do or complain about and no action is taken. I love where my babysteps have taken me so far. Having read so many other blogs out there, I can see where others would feel the same way.
March 2, 2009 at 10:19 pm
Sometimes it take a monumental life change to shake us (read that as me) out of complacency.
A divorce pushed me back into the light….forcing me to pay attention to my (financial) life and take control.
Finding this site, listening to what Gail says (eerily reminiscent of what my parents always told me) and realizing that I have what it takes to take care of myself and my children has helped bring back the woman I lost long ago.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((gail))))))))))))))))))))))
March 18, 2009 at 3:30 am
Baby Habits…
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