Thinking Out Loud
Posted by Gail | Filed under Thinking Out Loud
As I was standing in the shower this morning, I was thinking about what it is exactly that draws a body to form relationships. It’s a big Q, dontcha think? Especially for 6:30 in the morning. What brought it to mind was a conversation I had with my network exec producer, Nataline, about my birthday. I’m turning 50 this year, on June 18, and now that I’m not married anymore, and I don’t have any family close by, I’m going to be all on my own for my birthday. Sure, the kids will be here. But because I no longer have a mate, I have no one to spoil me. And I so love being spoiled.
I felt this loss humongously this Christmas, which was the first time it occurred to me that I was on my own in every respect. It felt a little bit like what I imagine dying to be like, actually… that sense of being all alone. I’m not one to wonder The Land of Misery and Navel-Gazing for long, so I shook it off and had a good Christmas with my kids and my friends. But the feeling never went away.
So I said to Nataline, “I guess if you guys love me as much as you say you do, I’ll be getting a pressie!” It’s not that I’m gravalicious (Jamaican word meaning “greedy to the extreme”) or anything. But the idea of a birthday rolling around without a present anywhere in sight is very sad, particularly for someone who so loves to be “treasured” — which is the word we use in our household. I still have my children to “treasure”, but I’m just not sure who’ll treasure me.
(One of the ways I knew I was done in my last relationship was that my husband, who had been the the Master of Treasuring for most of our marriage, had stopped… about two years ago when I think about it. When I fell of his list of important people, I became a major pain in the ass. I wasn’t special anymore, and that made me crabby as hell.)
So I’m a’thinkin’ to myself, “Self, if we (that would be The Royal We) don’t bolt into another relationship — which we will NOT be doing — then where are we going to find the source of “treasuring” we have grown to love so.”
I don’t know what the answer is. Yes, I know my friends love me, but that’s not the same as being “treasured.” And I know that since I’ve gone without being treasured for a couple of years now, I should be used to it, but I’m not. I guess there was always the hope that the magic would rekindle. So now I’m wistful that something I crave so much is missing, and that I don’t have a clue how to replace it.
I guess this is one of my Big Lessons. I know this feeling. I’ve had it before, and it was usually followed by a massive Ah Ha! But the purgatory of being in the process of figuring out the lesson is something I don’t enjoy much. I am apt to yell at the universe, “Hey, let me get the lesson, forcrissake, so I can get on with living my lovely life.”
Maybe, having had doting parents (who no longer are there to dote) and three husbands, I’ve used up my share of Being Treasured. Maybe there’s a lesson in here about how to make a life for oneself which includes ways of feeling treasured. Maybe the biggest loss I’m experiencing isn’t the end of a marriage (which, I do believe, ended some time ago), but the end of a sense of being treasured, and the realization that that magic is gone.
This divorce has had a bigger impact on me than either of the previous two, and not just because there are children involved this time and I ache for what they’re going through. I’ve lost something that I don’t think I’ll find again. I know my life will be wonderful — I’m dead sure of this! — but the missing thing is gone for good. So perhaps a time of mourning, and then moving on, is at hand.
This is the first time I’ve cried about the end of my previous chapter. I’m in acceptance now, I think, but still missing what was supposed to be a life-time of treasuring. I guess it’s just part of the path we all must walk when we move from one stage to another. We lose things that are so important, and we think wistfully of them in later days. Later we gain new things, but those things lost can never be replaced.
February 28, 2009 at 11:43 am
Gail~
Even though none of us here have never met you, you are truly a treasure to us, every single day. Don’t you forget it!
We all walk through our lives and have loved ones, friends, acquaintances, and those we don’t care for at all. To have been treasured even once in a lifetime is a gift. Some never experience this. You luckily have been treasured first by your parents, then your husbands. Even though your being treasured is in hiatus right now, the taste of it is still fresh in your mind, you can reflect on those memories, and, some day, you will come to feel treasured again. I predict this! Perhaps not by a mate (your choice), but, definitely by all those around you, especially your children – even through the lumps and bumps of their growing pains. Not the same? Maybe not. But, the gift will be offered nonetheless.
If we knew your snail mail addy here, you would be sure to be bombarded with ‘pressies’ June 18th! No doubt in my mind.
You have a milestone in view. 50 is the new 35 did you know? I can say this because I turned 60 last week and it is the new 40. That is my story and I’m sticking to it!
February 28, 2009 at 11:55 am
I have always felt that change was a good thing although anytime it has happened to me I have had to be dragged kicking and screaming through it. With two job losses and health problems during the last five years, I have had enough change to last me a lifetime. But today I am in a much better place because of the changes, in part because of Gail’s advice. So instead of feeling sorry for myself I just feel grateful for all that I have.
February 28, 2009 at 12:14 pm
You have every right to mourn the passing of your marriage. The feeling treasured is one of the reasons we can put up with so much in life. Don’t make the mistake of trying to have your children fill that void though. Seen too many people try to treat their children as their spouse and then when they get into another relationship try to get the kids back to being just the child. I would say that you need to plan for your birthday very carefully. Invite all the friends that you want around you and then plan for the pampering/treasuring you will miss. Did hubby use to give you a back massage, then that can be the treat to yourself etc. Try to cover what it is that you will truly miss.
I hope that your birthday comes with anticipation and goes with a happy note to yourself that it’s all okay. Sometimes it’s okay to be alone just to see where we’re at in our growth. What are interests truly are and where we need to still grow. I wish you all the best Gail. You are truly helping a lot of people and I’m sure everyone of them appreciate you and treasure the time you give them here.
February 28, 2009 at 12:25 pm
Dear Gail,
First, I’m sending a hug since it seems like you need one this wintery February morning. You are very much treasured by all of those whose lives you have touched. Really, it if weren’t for you, I would be in a much worse place in my life right now. I just wanted you to know that. You are VERY much treasured and appreciated.
Also, I cannot share the experience of divorce (or even marriage) with you, but I think that you seem to be mourning the passing from one phase to the next, and the definitive end to a relationship that won’t return to its former state. *But*, there is no reason to think that a feeling or experience is gone forever. Who knows what the future holds, after all! There are positives to look forward to, I’m sure of that!
This is probably not very helpful, but I wanted to try to let you know that you are treasured, even if it is not manifested in direct pampering. You will have thousands of people thinking of you on your birthday!
February 28, 2009 at 12:57 pm
Gail, I only ‘know’ your TV persona, but it’s been a gift today to see your soft side. May you be reminded of your treasures (even if it’s not the kind your heart is missing today). And we’ll hang with you through your mourning time – it’s right and healthy to grieve the end of a chapter.
February 28, 2009 at 12:58 pm
gail, i too know all to well what you’re going through. having gone through ‘not being treasured’ by someone else, it is difficult to feel any happiness until you realize that true bliss comes from within.
once i realized that my happiness was NOT dependant on another, i was fine.
celebrate your next birthday (and every day) with thankfullness and gratitude.
the ’stuff’ of this world doesn’t matter.
February 28, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Thank you for sharing so much.
Of all the times I have wanted to hug you, this time is making my heart ache! I want to reach all the way across the country with a plate full of warm, homemade cookies and in-depth, heart-healing chat.
((((((((HUG))))))))
I haven’t read the replies above yet, so I don’t know if I am repeating, but I think of you as a treasure even if I can’t be close enough to be a friend.
Everyone deserves to be treasured and your nature and fantastic outlook will undoubtedly draw more to you. Maybe not exactly the way it has been, but I have no doubt at all that you will find happiness with your amazing value in great amounts!
(I bet if you posted a mailing address, there will be piles of STUFF on your door by your birthday — you may not really want all that!!! LOL)
February 28, 2009 at 2:27 pm
In my work I have the opportunity to work with children who are experiencing divorce. One of the things that we don’t acknowledge in our society is that divorce involves a grieving process. There is loss in divorce (no matter what the reason for the divorce). I have heard children describe divorce with this phrase “it was like my family died”. It is so important that we keep that in mind in the middle of such an important life change. We can cope and thrive after divorce, but first – we must grieve. The families I work with who are “stuck” emotionally have not grieved and want to act like everything is OK – it’s not and we need to acknowledge and deal with that before we can make it OK.
Good-luck Gail in your journey. And thank-you for sharing this with us.
February 28, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Gail, I have been there. Unfortunately, I stayed far too long with a man who never treasured me. After my own period of mourning (for the kids, for the life I ‘thought’ I had, for other people’s perceptions of how my marriage defined me, etc) I am happy to report that the kids are fine, no one gave a damn about my marriage as much as I perceived them to and now, finally, I’m living life like a Pirate – finding treasures buried deep inside me that I never knew existed!
You are an inspiration to me and many, many other people. I wish you all the best and hope that you get plundering soon!
February 28, 2009 at 2:56 pm
Gail, like the others, if I had your address, I would send you a hug too – I MAKE Hugs! (Send me your addy….) Also, like you, upon the ‘death’ of my marriage, I grieved for about a year and a half, until one day I woke up and realized, like you, that my marriage had ended long before he actually left. Then, I pulled up my socks, and set about doing whatever it took to get my life in order. Someone told me that the best revenge is living well, and I know that while I was a blubbering pile of misery, my ex was in his glory. Not anymore. I have been 50 for a while, and it is actually quite awesome – it really is the new 35! No more waiting for the surprise birthday party, plan it yourself, and make it what YOU want. It is a huge milestone, and believe that you will be happy again. It comes from within, and the treasured feeling – learn to treasure yourself. I think you are the type of person who takes care of everyone else and forgets that you are important too…?? Take time for yourself – that’s an order!
February 28, 2009 at 3:24 pm
Hi Gail
Oh dear. Sorry to be the barer of bad news but you are doomed. Like so many of us you have a fatal character flaw. A fatal attraction you might say. You are a lover so not only will you love again but you will be loved again. No point trying to fight it or deny it. So treasure yourself (as much as we all do) and enjoy the freedom while you can – the fabulously wonderful and fabulously bad stuff of love will be back in your life. Inevitably when you least expect it.
A few years ago there appeared this lady on TV who taught me to see everything through different eyes. Perhaps you have seen her? Gail somebody or other. One lesson that I have taught myself (and boy am I ever a slow learner) is that you are only ever as happy as you make up your mind to be.
As for Birthdays. Fifty is the new whatever you want it to be.
Hugs and smoochies
February 28, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Suzanne, because I can’t turn down a HUG… 17 Stephen Street, Brighton, ON K0K 1H0…
And thanks to you all. I feel treasured! g
February 28, 2009 at 4:21 pm
Oh Gail, I’m sorry you’re having a tough day.
February is always a reflective time. I think because we are looking back over the winter and yearning for Spring to arrive with all it’s glorious sunshine and fresh air, crocus and green leaves. It’s hard not to feel mournful this time of year.
I’m looking forward to hearing all about your 50th birthday. I’m sure it will be much better than you think. Why not plan something special for yourself? Maybe a girls weekend away? Spend the day near the water or hiking (if possible) exploring and taking in the beauty around you. You’re in a new town, why not go check out some of those places you’ve been meaning to explore. have some of your girlfirends over for a good old sleepover. Rent cheesy movies, eat crap, drink good wine and have a blast!
**(((HUGS))))**
Thanks for being so honest and real. You show us everyday that being human is just fine. It’s okay to make mistakes, to be sad, to do stupid things, to not know something etc. – we learn from them and go on to the next day. You ARE a treasure.
February 28, 2009 at 4:35 pm
Gail,
February can be such a bland month, but today is bright and Sunny (just like u). Keep your chin up you bring such joy and help to so many you are treasured and irreplaceable.
Hugs
February 28, 2009 at 5:21 pm
Gail – We treasure you – we truly do. And yes, treasure yourself darling however you want to on that day. Things may be rough now but they will get better.
BTW you and I have the same birthday! Weird or what?
February 28, 2009 at 5:40 pm
Gail,
I was just talking about you to a friend of mine today. I was telling her that I wish we would some day run into you while we were out and about (we live near you). I told her that I would love to personally thank you for changing my life. Its kind of funny, I think I talk about you and your show at least once a day. What you have done in my life will bring treasures for many, many years. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. A gift like that can not be re-payed.
Reflection is a good thing. Its how we learn and grow. Like everyone else, I am sending out big hugs to “mama” Gail. I see how you hug the ppl on your show when they are overwhelmed and I know you truly care about them. We feel the same way about you!
You are treasured, more than you know! More than we could ever show you.
So plan yourself a big ‘ol bash and invite everyone!!! *Hugs* *Big Hugs*
Rach
February 28, 2009 at 5:50 pm
Gail,
It’s funny how we see other people. You have so many qualities i want — confidence, openness and honesty with a sincere concern for others. I am currently in a good marriage, with a husband who adores me, and have been feeling a sense of sadness and loss lately. I don’t know why. I’d trade some of what you’re missing for some of what I’m missing any day.
I adore you, and if what you want is another relationship with someone who adores you, you will find it. You are one fabulous woman.
February 28, 2009 at 6:27 pm
Gail,
I live just outside of Brighton and you are welcome here anytime!
You are an inspiration to many people. I’m sure you will be treasured again before too long.
February 28, 2009 at 6:48 pm
Hi Gail – many of us are relating to you..we have gone thru the relationship stuff and are turning 50! i have just started watching your show – i love the advice and agree with you 100% – i think it does come down to loving ourselves completely..after being on my own with children for almost 4 years, it is the clearest message. take care and breathe.
February 28, 2009 at 7:16 pm
Hi Gail,
Its funny to me to read this post today. We’ve been doing a lot of reflecting these days about getting our ship to sail straight and figure out our money properly–before we mess up our kids’ money habits.
You are a gift to me and my family daily. Your blog informs, inspires and keeps us on track. Two things have happened recently that you deserve a piece of the credit for: this is the second month we will get to the end of the month BEFORE the end of the money. Also, today we hummed and hawed at a store about a purchase in the $300 range (a 25% off sale). Its something we’d love to have in our home and since we have extra money now, it was a long deliberation about purchasing it. It really felt like we could/should/deserve to have it.
You will be proud that we walked away because we agreed that we want it but do not NEED it. We agreed we have other expenses coming up that we need that money for more. I think this is the first time ever that we have walked away from a want purchase and our kids bore witness to the discussion/conclusion. I think we owe it all to your wisdom that you so generously share with us.
Thank you and giant hugs to you!
February 28, 2009 at 7:22 pm
As most here have already told you, you are definitely treasured by us. I love your attitude, and know that you are just having a down day, as most of us do (some more than others). Consider yourself hugged and very much treasured! I went through a divorce, without kids involved thankfully, and found that I grieved the times, not with the ex, but with the ex’s family. They had been MY family as well, and I went through a process of missing them very much. However, time does heal, and in the aftermath I realized how bad things had been in my marriage (20/20 hindsight). I have since remarried, and realize how un-treasured I had been before. I hope that you treasure yourself to the utmost, and be your own best friend. You will find out the path you need to go on…. it just takes time. Big hugs from the North Bay area!
February 28, 2009 at 7:49 pm
Dear Gail,
Hope you can hear the clink from a “skol” of a glass of wine and sending hugs for you to carry on. Wow, after reading the comments you’ve had a whole day of “love” pouring in. You’re a lucky gal
Get out for a good walk in the woods at Presquile – its a beautiful place to find moments of stillness.
Warmest regards,
Bets
February 28, 2009 at 8:09 pm
Although being treasured is a great feeling (and it is very sad if/when you have lost it), I think a greater feeling is to learn to treasure yourself. Treat yourself to the things you normally wouldn’t have before. Try out something new you wouldn’t have thought of. Pick up an old love that got lost along the way. I think it is far too easy to get lost in being a part of a pair, without even knowing it. My writing teacher used to tell us to make a date with yourself, take some time to spend completely alone, even just for an hour a week, to do something that you truly love and don’t do it for anyone else but yourself.
Good luck with everything, for someone who has a good head on her shoulders, I’m sure that “Ah ha!” moment will come soon enough.
February 28, 2009 at 8:20 pm
Dear Gail, I’ve been trying to think of something different to say that hasn’t been said that would help make you feel better. I can’t really offer advice based experience as I haven’t experienced a marriage breakdown. I have experience a few losses (brother and mother) so have been through the grieving process; but not alone. All I can say Gail is allow yourself to grieve, don’t hold it in, then when the final stage is over, pick yourself up, dust yourself off (cliche I know) and plan exactly what you want to do for your birthday. As my dear departed English mom used to say (insert accent here…) “what’s the good of a birthday, if you can’t do what you like”. Take care.
February 28, 2009 at 9:48 pm
Gail – you are one of the most vivacious and clever gals I know (ok, sort of know, from TV).. if it’s what you want, you’ll have your pick of fellas to treasure you.. seriously.. you’re amazing and gorgeous!! Happy birthday
February 28, 2009 at 10:48 pm
Gail, I too am reaching the BIG 50 and I hope to have half of your energy for life that you do have. My mother said never say no when someone ask you out, (male or female) you never know who you will met. I think there is someone out there who wants to “treasure you” for you. I think there someone for each part of life we experience, some times the same person some times not. So go live and enjoy! It might surprise you.
Happy Early Birthday
February 28, 2009 at 11:18 pm
Gail,
I wish that I had something original to say, but these other wonderful people have seemed to have said it all. So I just wanted to add my hugs to the pile.
You are such an amazing person. You have helped so many and given so much that I admit I was a little shocked and saddened to read that you may not be surrounded by dozens of people on a day so special as your 50th birthday as I would have imagined. You deserve to be treasured in every way possible! ~~~~~HUGS~~~~~ to a fantastic woman!
February 28, 2009 at 11:25 pm
You all are lovely, and sweet, and kind, and wonderful. Thank you. Hugs back.
February 28, 2009 at 11:42 pm
Wow. I hope you realize that for every one of these posts, there are 100 more people who adore you who haven’t found their way to this site. I’m a bit of a newbie myself. My favourite thing? Your laugh. It’s infectious, celebratory, reassuring, stress-busting, indulgent, and warm. That being said, being a television figure is a bit of a one-way street. We, the viewers, receive. You’re stuck in the giving position. I won’t pretend that arrangement doesn’t suck sometimes. And everything that everyone’s said is so true and valid, but if what you need right now is a little dash of self-sympathy, go ahead and indulge! “Treasure” yourself in that way, if it fits. (Just don’t loiter.)
March 1, 2009 at 12:27 am
ahhhh…that melts my heart reading that Gail!! It’s kind of bittersweet, sad for the bitter aspects. I think every girl deep down inside wants to be treasured..regardless of their martial/or not status. Until the day we die it’s hard not to expect someone to dote on us and forever treasure us.
Many blessings to you, Gail. When Spring decides to arrive I wish you all the love and hidden treasures that should be blooming your way.
~Luv Ya!!!
March 1, 2009 at 8:09 am
Gail,
Based on the number of responses to yesterday’s post, you can see that you really are treasured big time.
I don’t know if you realize it, but let me spell it out for you. YOU ARE A TRULY AMAZING AND SPECIAL PERSON?. Through your TDDUP show and this blog, you have given a priceless gift to so many others and helped in ways I’m sure you can’t even begin to realize.
Allow yourself to go through the grieving process and reach out for and accept any help to manage through it. You don’t have to do alone.
The year I turned 40, I was single (still am) and didn’t want to feel alone through this milestone BD. So instead, I organized a year long BD event. Every month I planned something special with different friends. One month we went out to dinner, another to BINGO (had never been and wanted to try), another went to NY for the weekend, another went to Las Vegas, and another to a spa. Did all of this with different friends who I treasured and wanted to share my extended BD with. When the actual BD came and went later in the year, it wasn’t a huge deal that I got freaked out over, Just another special event. I’m now 46 and still look back at that BD as one of the best.
Take care and accept this virtual hug.
March 1, 2009 at 9:42 am
Gail:
I have been single my entire life, mostly because I took on the responsibility of taking care of my parents at age 19, when my father lost his eyesight, then was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease, my mom couldn’t deal with everything. My father passed away last year, and at 37, I’m single. I’ve seen my friends get married, have babies, etc. The only thing I’ve been jealous of, is that they have someone at the holidays, those are tough tough times being single. Especially Valentine’s Day. Urgh. I took my mom out on Valentine’s Day. For birthdays, my friends and I get together and celebrate. Which is good enough for me. I wonder if there are actually guys my age who are single and straight! HAHA I did notice this year on valentine’s day that there were not as many couples out as there were friends out together, so maybe the times are changing. For my 40th birthday, I am planning a big one. I hoping my college friend who is Garabone Botswana is able to come and celebrate, we have not seen each other in person since May 1994. I’m saving my pennies!
March 1, 2009 at 10:07 am
I think I am probably repeating what others have said. You are truly a gem to many of us (even one all the way from this part of the world) and you have made such a big difference to our lives. Hope you’re feelin a lil better now and more hugs coming your way from usually-sunny-but-not-so-sunny-today Singapore!
March 1, 2009 at 11:26 am
Gail, for all those times when you truly feel alone and not treasured you really need to think of how much you have changed and opened eyes for many, if not all, of us on here. You are definitely treasured around here.
Another virtual ((((HUG))) sent your way…
March 1, 2009 at 11:40 am
I forgot to mention…
About the life lesson and being treasured: I have found that my job and my home life is where I am treasured. I am not talking about my family treasuring me, I am talking about what I do each day that is treasured. I have custody of my son (from a previous marriage) for a reason. The things that I do day in and out for my son is rewarding as he has Aspergers. My job is my other one as I work with severely challenged students that need personal care and extra TLC. Just that little smile the odd time or that squeeze of a hand is my treasure. Just doing what I do makes me feel treasured as not many people out there can do what I do, meaning not many people want to transfer to the school I work at because they don’t like doing what we do there (it is a special school).
For those times when I was a single parent during special occasions, it was really hard as that treasured feeling was hard to come by. I had to look more and more about what actually made me feel treasured. A life lesson, maybe, but I had to take what I would normally think of as being treasured and look for other things in my life that made me feel the same way in some or most aspects. I broadened my horizons.
((((HUGS))))
March 1, 2009 at 11:54 am
Hi gail…I just wanted to let you know how much myself, along with countless others, appreciate and you and everything you stand for. I dont know where we would be if it weren’t for you. You truly have given us all a gift with your wealth of knowledge and incredible personality.
…another thing I love is that you’re soooo personable. You truly are such an amazing…absolutely amazing woman. If it all works out (that we can gather for a picnic in the park during the summer) I would be soooo proud to say that I have met you. Can you imagine how many *hugs* you’d b getting that day….would there even be enough time for us all to do that…? lol. You are truly my hero Gail and I just loves ya*
March 1, 2009 at 2:02 pm
Gail, one of the qualities that I admire about you is that you show up as an authentic person. It is my sense, from having seen you speak in person and from watching your show and reading you here, that you are the real you all the time. What you see is what you get. I speak for myself, and many others, when I say, I like what I see. I wish more people were as authentic and heart beautiful as you.
There are other personalities on TV who try to do what you do, but they don’t have your heart, soul, laughter and love. That’s why you are treasured. To use a metaphor, you are a beautiful treasure chest, that when opened, twinkles brightly with all the most precious stones we can possibly imagine.
Thank you for being you. Thank you for sharing your life experiences, good and not so good, with us. It is when we share who we are that we enrich the lives of others.
I feel fortunate to have your presence in my life.
March 1, 2009 at 2:48 pm
I still can’t believe you’re turning 50!! You look amazing… hope I can say the same when I’m there…
I hope you know how much all of us treasure you. I can’t even begin to tell you how much you have changed the way I view money and life. You’re an amazing person Gail. I know that you will find that special love again in your life and until then just know that you are loved by so many of us!
lots of hugs
March 1, 2009 at 10:25 pm
This is what we love about you Gail. Your honest and sincerity is why I read your blog. Sure, the budget tips and all that other information is good to come across, but really, what I love most are your reflections on life in general – relationships with partners, friends, what a person wants out of life, and so on.
It’s been a tough year for me as well. While I’ve never been married, or in a very long term relationship, a year ago this month, a long distance relationship I was involved in ended. We were together for about a year, but knew each other for a year before that. I guess you could say it was my first real relationship (bit embarrassing given my age). So after a year, I still miss her, her friendship and her companionship…even if perhaps I probably shouldn’t. And I have found that I’m feeling a bit lost, and that I’m missing a piece of myself. I still haven’t found it, but take comfort in your postings like the one yesterday that make me pause and reflect on my own life. The toughest part is reclaiming the person you were before, when really that person no longer exists because of the experience you’ve been through.
I guess to make matters worse, I found out that less than a year after our break-up, she is already engaged. Funny how life can just – pardon the language – kick you in the balls, eh? But it was to be expected in a way, given all that I know.
Anyways, love and respect are coming your way from good ol’ Winnipeg. Keep strong and don’t be afraid to work through the emotions. My guess is that you tend to use work to suppress your emotions. Unfortunately, suppressing only acts like a pressure cooker. Over time, pressure builds up more and more, and at some point, it’s going to release. It’s better to release on your own terms than at some random time when it would be less appreciated. Keep well, Gail, and continue doing the things you love. You’re surrounded by people who appreciate you for the special being you are.
March 2, 2009 at 12:04 am
Gail, thank you for your awesome advice and great productions and blogs. You are a mentor to so many and are helping so many people take control of their lives in a very real way.
We are all alone but at the same time we are all connected. PLease know that you have many sisters around the work who applaud your existence and your contributions. Sorry if I’m sounding a bit existential.
Much love and thank you for the treasures you bring to this world in your being.
*hugs*
March 2, 2009 at 8:55 am
Gail, my initial spells HUG and that’s what I’m sending your way. LOTS OF IT!
March 2, 2009 at 9:00 am
This blog really resonated with me and it reaffirms that we are all indeed connected! Everyone experiences pain and loss. That is for sure. As far as meeting the love of our lives… well, a few years ago, I decided (and I realize this is a huge cliche…) to skip the middle man and treasure myself. Aren’t we all the ones we have been looking for? We run around like little half cirles looking for a match… when maybe we should just focus on being our own full fabulous circles… when the looking is over, maybe the finding begins…
March 2, 2009 at 9:03 am
And Gail, you are going to be fifty and fabulous! If you aren’t familiar with SARK’s books, I ahve a feeling you would love her…
March 2, 2009 at 1:13 pm
hugs hugs Gail…. we love you.
March 2, 2009 at 1:41 pm
Hi Gail
Thank God February is gone and March is here. I always think of the first of March as the beginning of spring even though it does not officially start until the 21st. Or 22nd?
The only people I know who don’t get cabin fever or the blues during February are those who are vacationing in a grass shack on a tropical island and getting tanned. May they get fleas and sunburn.
I don’t know why I get so excited about the first of March since it has no actual bearing on the reality of the seasons up here. In the Yukon, Autumn begins at the end of August and Winter arrives at the end of September. Spring doesn’t even think about getting started until May and then in June that Mother Nature woman goes mad.
I also always think of March as the beginning of tax season because we are supposed to have all the necessary papers in our hot and sticky little hands by the end of February. Which of course means that I am going to be busy today tracking down my missing T4 and RRSP receipt. I actually like doing our taxes – now that we are reformed characters and can actually find the adding machine and papers we need. Dealing with Revenue Canada now usually means a small refund thanks to the Northern Allowance but even if we owe I am no longer afraid of jail time.
Yesterday morning while drinking our coffee and watching Til Debt we were taking bets as to whether March was going to come in like a lion or a lamb. It was hard to tell since it was still darkish outside but it turned out to be neither and both. 20 below zero with thick ice fog but no sideways blowing snow or razor sharp wind and the sun blazing so hot above the fog that it was melting the snow on the roof.
We were also acting like your typically smug and sanctimonious reformed sinners. Couldn’t believe the young couple on Til Debt could spend $9500 more a month then they earned. Couldn’t believe they didn’t know what was really going on – in their personal and financial lives. Couldn’t believe they didn’t know how much they owed. Couldn’t believe the mess their paperwork was in. Couldn’t believe they couldn’t GET IT all on their own.
I was actually getting quite upset and indignant at their “stupidity” when the Hubster made me laugh. He said “Give them a break. It wasn’t so long ago that we were the same. Every month we came in on a loan and went out on a limb.”
Ha!
Well, I thought it was funny.
I also just want to say that I agree 100% with what Susanne wrote. I have three ways of getting over those who have done me wrong but these rules didn’t come easy. The best revenge is to live well – and now I know that it is even better if you don’t get into debt to do so. Da! The next best revenge is to look, feel and be fabulous. The third best revenge is to forgive until you forget. Forgiving is actually a great revenge but it is a difficult personal choice. You know that you have forgiven and reached revenge the day you wake up and realize that you have forgotten to think of/hate/regret that scum and/or scumette in hours. Can’t even picture them at the bottom of a lake wearing cement sneakers anymore.
More hugs.
March 2, 2009 at 9:40 pm
hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!hugs!
…I’ve always been a fan of yours, your show, and I read your blogs EVERY SINGLE DAY. I don’t usually leave a comment but I want to do it this time because a person like you deserves all the hugs in the world! A lot of people treasure you, as well as everything you taught and remind them everytime… please include me in the list!
Cheer up! May God bless you more and fill the “missing” part of your life with what was there before but with something (or someone) even more special.
March 2, 2009 at 11:47 pm
Gail, I was so moved by your words I wish I could reach into the computer and give you a great big cyber hug !!
You have no idea how many of us you help every day with your show, blog and larger than life presence in our lives. Your blog is usually the first thing I look at every day and I can’t wait to see what interesting and heartwarming words I will be reading.
You are much loved and indeed ‘treasured’ by all of us and your voice echoes in our minds on a daily basis.
Take care, keep warm and God bless.
March 3, 2009 at 12:56 am
Oh Gail…Im so there!
I too am in mourning. Its not easy. My marriage just broke up due to you guessed it money and a loose zipper. He decided just one day to walk out on his job and not work anymore? I gave him nine months to see the light but then found out he had been on 1-800-Got-Losers.com. That was it. Out he went. As painful as it was, it was a matter of self esteem. Unfortunately, the bed is cold, the wallet is empty and the heart aches for the louse. Is there any woman who is financially better off after a divorce? Thank goodness no kids involved. But the emptiness at Christmas, Valentines Day and birthdays is still there….I burn a candle for us both…In Healing!
Bless You!
Jenny
March 3, 2009 at 12:56 am
Gail, I can see that you initiated a lot of response from people who really appreciate all you have done for them and I feel the same way!
I just want to tell you about one of my sisters. We call her a free spirit and she doesn’t fit into the mold of ’saving your money for the future’ and the rest of us marvel at how she manages. I believe she has a guardian angel watching her. Anyway, what I have learned from her and from life is that there are times (sometimes long periods of times) when we have to ‘treasure’ ourselves; we have to make it happen. This past weekend, my sister said she was going to treat herself special because she was off for the weekend after spending three weeks 24/7 caring for a person with Alzheimer’s. She picked me up and headed for the closest hotel with a swimming pool, hot tub and beautiful dining room. We relaxed, read, slept, enjoyed the view of the frozen lake, sat in the pool, the hot tub and the steam room and it was heavenly and we didn’t even leave town! Three years ago she took her income tax refund, got a Via Rail pass that lasted 30 days and travelled down the Atlantic side of Canada and the US and came back up the Pacific side, by herself. Two years ago, she convinced myself and one of my other sisters to travel to PEI, Nova Scotia and New Brunswick and chase down lighthouses! My older sister had never been out of Ontario and had never been swimming in the ocean. she loved it! I have six sisters and so even though I am single/divorced/whatever! we do sometimes fun and crazy things and grab the closest sister or friend to join us! There are lots of things a person can do alone but it is always better to go on a hiking trip, bike across an island, or head for a spa with a good friend! In February, I called my friends and we found a really large tv screen (for this musical the larger the screen the better!) and sang and danced to Mamma Mia!…..okay so my joyful times are simple!
There are so many things I am planning to do, bike through Ireland, take a cruise of the Mediterranean, learn to do flower arranging and take a home staging course – all when I retire! I may be dreaming but without dreams or goals we can’t get to where we want to go. You, Gail have shown me how to obtain some of those goals – thank you for that!
March 3, 2009 at 1:56 pm
Hi Gail! while I am on the band wagon of treasurinig you for everything you’ve indirectly help me accomplish, that is not what this message is about.
I wanted to tell you about my mother, who turned the magical number of 50 last January (she’s 51 now). My parents divorced when I was 15 – 15 years ago now, and my father was not exactly the best treasurer out there. I digress. My mom had always wanted to take a trip on her 50th Birthday. The summer before she and I were fortunate enough to take a two week vacation to Reno and San Francisco together. After that vacation she decided that she would go alone. Yes alone. Her greatest desired was to treat herself to a trip to a warm place to sit on the sand, with a great novel, under a palm tree/cabana, look occasionally at the bluest seas she’d seen in a while, and do nothing EXCEPT whatever SHE wanted.
Over the last 15 years I’ve seen my mother go through some pretty incredible things. She has always remained a strong, independent driving force. She made the decision 10 years ago to start living and doing things for herself and managed to climb up the ladder at her current employer, became completely debt free (not even a mortgage!!), and began upgrading her items of old, for those she’d always wanted.
What I’m trying to say is, that while mourning the previous treasurer of you is necessary and a process, it is time that YOU become YOUR greatest treasurer.
You remind so much of my mother it is uncanny. While my sister and I treasure her, and her parents are still on hand to treasure her, SHE is HER GREATEST TREASURER! (She learned, developed, honed, and is now proudly practicing the skill of treasuring herself!) It takes time, but she is in such an amazing place now, and really is happy that she has the freedom to treasure herself. I’m sure it’s hard not having someone to truly treasure her the way one hopes a husband would, but I think she enjoys it more this way anyways.
Oh – and for the record, her employer thought she was crazy to go to Cuba alone on her 50th, so they called to make sure she’d made it to the resort, and checked with the airline on the day of her schedule return home to make sure she’d arrived on time and checked in for the flight home (but she still doesn’t know this). It takes practice, patience, and a great deal of picking yourself up, but as I mostly always say, If Mom can do it, so can I (YOU).
March 4, 2009 at 4:56 am
50 individual hugs above all for you Gail 1 for every year and it is my privilege to be the 51st person to tell you how much you mean to me and to put in my
((((HUG)))))
We are all so thankful to have you in our lives in this way so always know that you are treasured by all of us.
March 9, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Gail, thank you for sharing with us and reminding us that it is okay to share and just BE who we are, complete with needs and vulnerabilities.
We all want to be supportive, but loss is such a difficult thing. How to patch up a broken heart, aching from the loss of love is not something I have learned how to do. in fact I think we struggle with it all our lives.
A good book on the subject is Eat, Pray, Love. I’m enjoying it now, and maybe you will find it useful too.
We love you Gail, and you do deserve to be treasured. I hope that while coping with this loss you are able to treasure yourself as much as possible.
March 10, 2009 at 10:16 am
Dear Gail,
You are so amazing to bare your true emotions and hardships! I really appreciate you being so candid as it helps others and realize that even Super Woman Gail, is very human:)
Keep up giving people the hard truth on the show, that is what we all need. Your strength we can all see will carry you always in all facets in life!
Best regards,
Marietta
March 14, 2009 at 7:05 am
Don’t know if you come back to these older ones, but your HUG went in the mail today. Be on the lookout, and have a great Saturday.
May 7, 2009 at 12:15 am
Big Giant Special Magical Kind Thoughts Warm Wishes to YOU GAIL!!!
YOU ARE TREASURED BY MANY, MORE THAN YOU’LL EVER KNOW!!!