A Mind of My Own
Posted by Gail | Filed under Autism
Chapter Thirteen — Same Old, Same Old
I don’t like it when things change. I like things to stay where I put them. And I like to know what’s going to happen next.
A few weeks ago, Teddy and Ivana and Callie came to spend the Easter long weekend with us. We all were going to sleep in the basement together, me and Ivana in the TV room and Teddy and Callie and Alex in the bedroom at the back. Before I could go down, though, I had to bring my “beloveds” – my stuff from my room – donwstairs. I took most of the books I like best, my Calvin and Hobbes collection (it is very heavy), the turtles that I bought when I went to Mexico (they’re the newest things I have but I like them a lot), my balls (all of them) and my pillow and blanket. I did the same thing last Christmas when everyone came to our house and we kids all slept in the basement. But then, after Christmas morning, I also had to move every single one of my new presents down to the basement. My mom thinks this is really dumb and refuses to help me bring it all back up again. But I can’t move out of my room without my stuff.
Chapter Fourteen — Familiarity Breeds Contentment (Part 1)
Malcolm takes time to acclimatize to the voices of the people around him. It is almost as if his brain needs to form a neural pathway for every voice he must listen to. Each year as he enters a new grade with a new teacher it takes him eight weeks or longer to begin to process his teacher’s voice without the teacher having to get his attention before she speaks. Prior to that, as the teacher speaks to him it is like the communication is traveling along a very bumpy country road. It’s slow going. Once he becomes familiar with her voice, tone and specific speech pattern, the communication begins to speed along as if on a highway.
I’ve noticed that this is also true for other things. As he becomes more familiar with a new musician, his enjoyment of the music goes up exponentially. As he re-reads a book for the second, third, or tenth time, his ability to understand what’s going on in the book goes way up, belying the belief that Asperger’s learners don’t understand the subtext in fiction. If they have an opportunity to become familiar, they often understand more than people assume they will.
While Malcolm is a man of rules – you tell him the rule and he’s the enforcer – if he doesn’t understand the rules and you try to punish him for breaking them, you’re in for a battle. I have warned his teacher to avoid “punishing” him. That’s not to say he can’t deal with consequences; he can. But he needs to know the ground rules and what the consequences are before they can be brought into play.
This is a concept that’s hard for a lot of people to understand, siblings included. So, when Malcolm walked into the kitchen and accused Alex of stealing his video camera, she, naturally, expected an apology.
I took Malcolm to his room and pointed to the video camera sitting on his shelf. He didn’t look in the least bit chagrined. So I said, “How would you feel if Alex accused you of stealing something of hers? You’d be mad, wouldn’t you?” He agreed he would be. “Okay,” I said, “the next time you falsely accuse your sister of something you will have to apologize. If you do not, you will have to stay in your room until you do. Got it?”
“Got it,” he said.
Then I had to go back downstairs and explain to Alex that trying to make him apologize when he didn’t know the rule before hand would result in a major meltdown. She let us both off the hook.
October 5, 2012 at 6:48 am
I made my son several messenger bags so he can carry all his “beloveds” around. They go from bedroom to living room to bedroom every day.
October 5, 2012 at 9:40 am
Gail what’s the plan for when Malcolm is an adult? I can’t imagine most employers tolerating this sort of behavior for very long. (Not being a jerk, just curious about what happens with autistic children become autistic adults).
October 5, 2012 at 10:44 am
Hey Geoff, a lot of people want to know what the prognosis is for people who have AS. As with regular folk, some achieve great things while others never find their way. Because of their single-mindedness, AS adults find it easy to become expert in their fields. I’m sure you’ve heard of Temple Grandin (you can wiki her). Know a guy called Bill Gates? Here are some more:
Daryl Hannah, actress
Dawn Prince-Hughes, PhD, primate anthropologist, ethologist, and author of Songs for the Gorilla Nation
Gary Numan, British singer and songwriter
Jerry Newport, American author and mathematical savant, basis of the film Mozart and the Whale
John Elder Robison, author of Look Me in the Eye
Michael Burry, US investment fund manager
Satoshi Tajiri, creator and designer of Pokemon
Tim Ellis, Australian magician and author
Travis Meeks, lead singer, guitarist and song writer for acoustic rock band Days of the New
Vernon L. Smith, Nobel Laureate in Economics
There’s much speculation about many famous people who were around long before the diagnosis for AS who may have had AS. If anyone did anything with a single-mindedness that meant the rest of their lives (and their people) just had to work around their “thing”… they were probably Aspies.
Sometimes I wonder what will become of Malcolm. There are days I get a churning in my stomach. But there are many more days when I look at how much progress he’s made and how “normal” he looks to other people and know he’ll be fine once he finds his niche.
October 5, 2012 at 11:46 am
Thanks for sharing Gail. I have a son who doesn’t have autism (he’s 5) and trust me, I wonder what will become of William too, complete with the churning.
October 5, 2012 at 2:14 pm
Gail you are a such a WONDERFUL person! Malcolm & Alex are so lucky to have you as their mom!!!
October 5, 2012 at 11:59 pm
Gail thank you for sharing this, and thank you for answering Geoff, I was wondering that, too.
October 6, 2012 at 11:07 pm
I work with a bookkeeper who is either AS or OCD or perhaps a little of both. We have all learned that changes have to be explained very carefully and often more than once and it’s best if the change is written out in detail for her to absorb at her own pace. Sometimes it’s frustrating, especially when things get busy, but we make it work. She’s a dependable, hard worker and even if it does take her a little longer to “get it” sometimes, she’s worth the effort.
October 9, 2012 at 7:12 am
I’m the same way I do my best to remain neutral. It’s hard if you communicate with the person the other person dislikes then you fall out of favor with them! I simple can’t dislike a person just because someone else does I just can’t.
Canton Fitness
October 9, 2012 at 9:16 am
Canadian Sci-Fi Author Robert J. Sawyer has written a trilogy where the main character’s father is autistic. It’s not the central theme of the novel, but the interaction between daughter and her autistic father does come into each of the three books. See the www trilogy here: http://www.sfwriter.com/
The stories are also based in Toronto, so that’s cool for those in the area.
October 10, 2012 at 5:26 am
Tkanks for sharing this, I am enjoy reading! I will come back again!
white azalea
October 15, 2012 at 6:22 am
Have ou tried giving him a laundry basket (the short flat kind, not the tall waste basket ones)? I’m a big fan. The last few times my husband and I moved I used those to move my special things from one house to the next. I did that while he and my BIL packed up and moved the rest. And it’s what I use for my Christmas presents so I can keep them safe and I don’t have to put them away right after I open them.
And as for those who wonder what people with Aspergers do for a living. Before I was a housewife I worked in a drugstore. I could do inventory in my head. And I could keep a running tally of everything that went through my register and the one next to me. My boss and the local cops (we were in a high crime area) loved me for it. I also came up with some of the most eye catching end caps. I’m also good at remembering everything I read and hear so I was often urged to become a pharmacist as I’d never confuse a drug. Now as a housewife I have a Martha Stewart perfect house. People with AS do just fine when given the chance.