Happy Go-Lucky Go-Broke
Posted by Gail | Filed under Money & Family, Saving
Why do some people do absolutely nothing to take care of their futures despite the fact that they know better? It’s a puzzle.
It’s not an educational failing since some of the most well educated people don’t plan. Nor is it a difference in upbringing since two people from the same family can have markedly different attitudes toward money. So what makes the difference? What creates the need or the lack of desire to plan? What drives some to look beyond the immediate, while others can see only today?
If you’re trying to figure out why your partner, your children, your best-friend has no sense of what they need to do for the future, let me introduce to a book I read about a million years ago. Please Understand Me by David Keirsey and Marilyn Bates is based on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test that seeks to identify the ways in which people are different. Its premise is that people believe different things and therefore perceive and react to life differently. And since their wants and beliefs are the natural fallout of the different ways in which they understand and think, it is only natural that these wants and beliefs also be different.
One of the things that Keirsey and Bates point out in their book is that 38% of the population is what is termed “SP” or of the Dionysian Temperament, referring to the Greek god whose mandate it was to teach man joy. The thing about SPs is that by their very nature they are free, impulsive, and action-oriented. They don’t want to plan. They don’t want to be tied down to a purpose. They just want to be and to do. They have to act on their urges and they thrive on situations where the outcome is unknown. Sometimes they even create their own crises. They believe resources, like money, are to be expended. They have no interest in the future because they are simply too busy living in the present.
The Type Indicator is one explanation for the fact that so many people have no plan for the future, and no desire to do anything about it. But if you have those people in your life and are at your wits end trying to understand how they can blithely go through life without a thought for the future, rest assured they are just being true to their Type.
So what can you do if you’re partnered with an SP? Recognize the limitations of the person you’re working with. Discuss how their happy-go-lucky attitude is fabulous in some ways, and terrifying in others. Come to an agreement as to how you will make decisions together so that you feel safe and they don’t feel stifled. Talk about it. Respect each other’s needs. Make a plan for how you’ll deal with money together.
I believe we are true to type. But I also believe that we can overcome our instinctive behaviour by changing our habits. I’ve always been an incredible worrywart and planner. But I like the joy and spontaneity my daughter has. And I’m using her as my example to become a more spontaneous and not worry so much about how things will work out. Hey, the idea of being stuck in old and self-destructive roles is anathema to me, so I’m willing to push out of my comfort zones to create new realities for myself.
How about you? What do you wish you could change about yourself? What are you going to do about it?
Do you have an SP in your life? How are you coping?
June 26, 2012 at 5:48 am
I was/am the SP. But I’ve found ways of working with it. I’ve set up automatic transfers for everything important, and what is left over I can do whatever I want with, no explaining necessary.
Also, I put money away each fortnight for Xmas, so I can go crazy and spend without much thought once December hits (I put away enough to do this). I put money away each fortnight so when the big school holidays come (at Xmas time over here), the kids and I can do whatever we want without worrying too much.
Each year in January I reevaluate how much goes into each account. Once a year, for a full year of no worries fun later.
June 26, 2012 at 6:27 am
I am married to an “SP” and it has been a struggle. I have always taken control of our finances, but he would not listen to me when I was stressed about his spending and the bills. I have a lot of resentment over the years of wasted money. Finally, almost 3 years ago, he agreed to go on a cash budget and we have recently become debt-free. He still avoids getting involved in the finances, but at least his excessive spending has subsided. We have been going to couselling and have made some progress in our relationship, but I still struggle with our different personality types.
June 26, 2012 at 7:37 am
Just reading the description of SP makes my stomach hurt. We are both anti-SP. Our life comes with enough crises all by itself, no need to create any. I’d have ulcers if SP crept in somewhere.
June 26, 2012 at 7:47 am
I know some SP’s, but I am definitely not one. I do need to be more spontaneous, just to make life more fun. I plan a lot!
June 26, 2012 at 8:00 am
If SP’s have a range or scale I am probably at the half way point whereas my poor hubby is the extreme opposite of the SP and on a scale of 1 t 10 is probably a ten. When we spend money on anything other than the necessities of life he nearly has a heart attack. I have evolved to becoming a moderately good saver….him….not too much change lol.
June 26, 2012 at 8:37 am
Hubby is SP in some ways but not super extreme. What I would like to change about myself, he helps me with (without even knowing quite often!). The downfall with teaching sometimes is that you get so focused on planning and being in control that, well for me anyway, it can be hard to cope when you DON’T have control over things. He’s much better at realizing this and coping with it while I sometimes am in denial and still try to “control” the situation when I can’t.
That’s what I would like to change about me. Being able to just chill out and go with the flow and relax instead of being so worried and trying to control stuff all the time!
June 26, 2012 at 8:43 am
I am trying to not worry so much about things. I grew up with a father who created crisis situations and still does and as a result has had a heart attack. What a wake up call for me.
June 26, 2012 at 8:58 am
I have another book for people to try. It is called “Quiet” by Susan Cain – you can find a TED talk by her as well. It is about how we have evolved into a culture which continually tried to emulate the extravert despite having a 30% – 50% introverted population and how that “type” of personality has become dominant. I think the fact that western culture reveres the personality that is larger than life, thinks on its feet and “lives life to the fullest” has huge impact on many lifestyles (and finances). Just another point to consider….
Joanne
June 26, 2012 at 9:29 am
I wish I was better at going through with our planning. We make plans, we budget and then, somewhere along the line, we digress. We stay in a good place, our only debt is still just the mortgage, but we could do so much better! My diagnostic is that we’re both slightly procrastinators… Gotta change that!
Annick
June 26, 2012 at 9:43 am
This was so informative and explains alot about how my husband and I are together. He definitely is the SP and I’m more into planning and looking ahead. I will save and share this one and re-read it again. Thanks Gail for all you do and share on this blog. I love reading your recipes, but so far am to hesitant to try the spices as my husband is a plain meat and potatoes kind of guy. sincerely Phyllis.
June 26, 2012 at 9:49 am
May I suggest one more piece to the puzzle.
There is an excellent book by Naomi Quenk called Was that Really Me? How Everyday Brings Out Our Hidden Personality.
In it Quenk discusses the kinds of behaviours we exhibit based on the opposite behaviour of our Myers-Briggs result. For instance it explained a lot for me. I can be a big picture thinker and quite patient, but under stress I do a lot of repetitive detail oriented things that eat up time and leave me feeling a little obsessive. Including collecting and repeating things that cost a lot of money at times.
I’m sure there is more to learn about how our personalities in good times and bad affect our use of money.
June 26, 2012 at 9:50 am
Oops, book title mistype.
… How Everyday STRESS Brings Out Our Hidden Personality.
June 26, 2012 at 9:58 am
I dunno if I fit the joy-seeker category, but according to another personality test, I’m an abstract-random thinker (the other two options are concrete and sequential, for a total of 4 options, always paired). I just don’t compute numbers well, and they don’t mean a lot to me. Tell me I have $10 or $100 or $1000 in the bank, I’ll probably spend the same way I always do. Which ends up meaning that if I have $1000 I’m doing great, but if the balance is low, I dig myself deeper. This makes the cash budget perfect for me. Numbers don’t make much sense, but pieces of paper (or cotton, on polymer or whatever) do. When they’re gone, no more spending!
June 26, 2012 at 10:14 am
I am a bit of a SP. I find it easier on me to not budget every little thing but just the fixed expenses. That way all the bills get paid but I have some freedom with my money.
June 26, 2012 at 10:25 am
Since we’re talking about personality types here, another great book is Strengths Finder 2.0 by Tom Rath. I’ve taken the Myers Briggs and so has my wife and it is decent, but Strengths Finder helped me understand myself and especially her so much more than Myers Briggs.
It categorizes human behaviour into 34 different “strengths” that is based on 40 years of data and research. I find this approach much less limiting than trying to pigeon hole people into 4 or 8 categories. Then, it approaches each of these behaviours as strengths even though some would typically be viewed as weaknesses. This allows you to understand how you can leverage your personality type as a positive thing no matter what it is.
June 26, 2012 at 11:38 am
I’m the s/p married to an a/r.
I’ve never known anyone who works harder to control the future.
He’s never known anyone more impulsive and giddy with life.
His comfort zone stifles me.
My spontaneity frightens him.
Our solution? Compromise and no unilateral decisions.
He has COMPLETE control over our major finances with my complete consent that I not have access to the funds.
I have a set allowance in my own account that is mine to do as I please.
We have a mutual account for our basic income.
Marriage is compromise. It’s not always 50/50.
Sometimes it’s 90/10. Or 30/70. Or 40/60.
Willows bend in the wind. Willows thrive.
Oaks don’t. Oaks break.
June 26, 2012 at 11:51 am
The ironic thing is, the SPs aren’t having as much “living in the present” with their happy go-lucky Dionysian lifestyles as I am with my frugal ways. They spend money willy-nilly on things that don’t bring them hapiness at all and then cry about the debt. I save my money, go to Venice, have an absolute blast and when the Dionysians see my photos they whine that they wish they could do tthings like that. Hapiness isn’t spending your paycheque on candy at Wal-Mart, having a petticure you’ll never remember in 2 years, and pretending you’re rich for a week–it’s saving, having no debt, and then spending your moola on some big-bang life-alterning *real fun* moments!
June 26, 2012 at 1:08 pm
My best friend is an SP and it scares me. they are forever spending money they don’t have, and they nag us because we are very frugal and focused on paying off our small debt and saving up a huge down pymt. They want us to buy the same toys they have so we can play together more and that just isn’t in the cards for us right now. Worse, I forever worry that their whole family is gonna end up in my basement because they always lump thier debt in their mortgage (shudder). If her husband (a subcontractor) doesn’t get enough work next winter (he only works 6 months a year) they are screwed. I don’t understand how that is a fun way to live.
June 26, 2012 at 1:56 pm
I was married to an sp and I’m ashamed to say that I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t handle our debt load. While I admired him for his happy outlook on life, I couldn’t understand his philosophy of borrowing as much as we can because ‘the government will pay for it when we die’.
June 26, 2012 at 3:07 pm
My brother was a big SP. He was young and really didnt think about the future much. Savings would always come later, right? Then he met his girlfriend, who is NOT an SP in any sense of the world. Together they have reached a happy medium and are now married with a baby AND just bought their first house! I am so proud of them and my brother is quite happy with the money allotted to him, because he sees the house and his family as way better goals than a big screen TV
June 26, 2012 at 3:35 pm
My sister is an SP. I am the complete opposite. My sister lives totally in the moment. I spend some much time planning for ‘later’ that I really don’t enjoy today
June 26, 2012 at 4:52 pm
I don’t know Myers Briggs personality we are but I do know that I am a saver and he is a spender! So money talk is always difficult. He doesn’t want to do the budget with me but he doesn’t understand why we have no money at times. I am seriously considering getting rid of the credit cards and living on cash. It’s true when they say that couples often have money issues that divide them.
June 26, 2012 at 5:22 pm
My best friend is an SP (probably ESFP). She’s just so much *fun* to be around, and is a great inspiration to me, but her attitude to money and keeping a regular job drives me (INTJ) up the wall. Lucky for her, she is not only a gifted artist and performer, but also a brilliant saleswoman who could sell sand to the Saudis. As long as she does not lose interest, she can live well on it. If she has lost interest, I send her gift coupons for the grocery store.
She has learned *some* control in the twenty years we’ve been friends. Not exactly planning, but at least that “spending more than you earn = trouble and misery”.
June 27, 2012 at 9:58 am
For us it has been a process!
1) it has included 2 years of separation for my SP to realize that he wasn’t having as much fun as he thought, or creating the kind of future for himself that he really wanted. However, I was acheiving my goals and dreams! (huh) powerful motivator.
2) Reconciliation included getting ourselves into compliance with a monthly budget that includes a reasonably large cash jar for “Play” and “Personal”
3) next step – now that he trusts the process and sees that we can reach our goals with a plan, intention is to meet with a financial advisor and crunch some numbers for putting together a retirement plan.