We’re Preggers!
Posted by Gail | Filed under Money & Family
Historically, women’s movement in and out of the workforce over the course of their careers has ebbed and flowed. Nothing brings the issue more to the front of a woman’s mind than the imminent arrival of a new baby. Pregnancy brings all sorts of questions to mind: Who will take parental leave? How long can I afford to stay home with my new baby? Is working worth it when I have one, two, or three kids in daycare?
While the arrival of a baby may be the biggest blessing in your life, baby often comes with baggage. I’ve worked with dozens of people who were doing just fine until their Mini-Me came along. Through bad planning, or no planning at all, mommy and daddy find themselves lost as to how to cope financially, particularly in light of their significantly reduced income.
Here’s the typical scenario: You discover you’re pregnant. You may have been trying really hard, or it may come as a complete surprise, but you’re in the family way. You’re excited. You’re a little scared. You’re full of hope.
You go shopping. There are cribs and strollers to buy. The clothes are soooo cute. OMG! Can you believe how small baby’s shoes and socks are? You deal with the morning sickness, the people who want to touch your belly, the well wishers. You decide to take that last “singles” vacation while you still can. And you start looking at mini-vans.
Geeze having a baby can be expensive. Yah! And you haven’t seen the half of it yet. The one thing you probably never think about is how you are going to live on less when baby gets here. Live on less? Yup. In all likelihood your income will drop during mat leave, and if mommy or daddy decide that staying home with baby is the way to go, you’ll be a one-income family. According to the Stats Man, about 33% of women with kids under six don’t work outside the home. That’s a lot of people living on a lot less money.
The decision to be a stay-at-home-mom or -dad is a big one, both emotionally and financially, and certainly not one to take lightly. If you don’t think about the financial implications you could create hellovalotta debt and huge problems.
So how do you know whether you can afford to stay home or not?
The first thing you will need to do is find out how much you’ll be getting for mat leave or parental leave and create a working budget for life with baby. If you plan to stay home full-time after baby has arrive, then practice living on one income while you’re pregnant to get into the swing of things and save some money.
Since working comes with it’s own expenses, list the costs you’ll be able to avoid if one parent stays home. Everything from childcare to clothes for work, travel and lunches out. Do you both have a car and can you give up one to cut back on costs? How about the gym membership, the golf fees, the hockey teams… what are you prepared to forgo so you can stay home with Junior?
If the budget still doesn’t balance, are there ways of earning an income from home that will help eliminate the short-fall. From bookkeeping to tutoring, from piano lessons to in-home care for other children, there are lots of ways to make an extra buck or two.
If one of the reasons your budget won’t balance is because you’re spending money on debt repayment, it’s time to get out of hock for good. Cutting back to one income shouldn’t be a consideration at all if you’ve got consumer debt. Once you’re out of debt, you have far more options for how you can live your life. Consider a second job to pay off your debt. Consider selling stuff you no longer need (or may never have even used) to come up with the money to pay down your debt. Do whatever it takes to get out of debt!
Being a one-income family has it’s own challenges. An emergency fund is more important than ever since you’re completely reliant on one income. And if you want to continue saving for the future, you’re going to have to make room in your budget for retirement and educational savings too.
If you’re really determined to stay home with little Molly McGoo, you’ll find a way. But be sensible about it. Going into a single-income lifestyle takes some adjustments. You should prepare and you should practice. You can have anything you want, if you want it badly enough and are determined enough. So, how determined are you?
June 11, 2012 at 6:54 am
We were determined. I stay home with the kids and Daddy works. We’re both shift workers, his 12 hours, mine 8 + on call so to have child care we would need a live in nanny. We have more money because I stay home. Not only do we save on childcare but I mow the lawn and plant the vegetables, make all the appointments and run the budget. I am available to deal with emergencies such as the lack of school bus for the month of September when our son starts school. I will have to drive him to and from until October. I have a spousal RRSP for my retirement since I’m not getting a company pension. This way Hubby gets maximum tax deductions.
June 11, 2012 at 7:05 am
My husband and I did the exact thing Gail mentioned here and it was a life saver. Once we knew I was a pregnant; we immediately saved my income and lived off his. A goal for us was when we started our family; I would be a SAHWM. In that time not only we saved tons of money but also learned ways to get the things we needed cheap by shopping consigment and 2nd hand. Of course our family and friends spoiled us with new (and gently used) baby stuff and we felt so grateful. So by the time our baby arrived we knew we could afford for me to stay home. And when we were blessed with baby #2; we felt more prepared because we saved all the stuff from our 1st baby and still had money plus saved more in that timeframe. Today my children are 4-1/2 years and 19 months old and there is money in the bank for them (i.e. RESPs) plus a small yet growing ER fund for the family. It was/is not easy at times but I am thankful we did what we did in the beginning because today we are not so stressed out financially.
June 11, 2012 at 8:43 am
I have been a stay at home mom for the past 27 yrs. We bought a modest home and it is paid for ( mortgage free). Paying off some consumer debts right now. We did not save for our children’s education (4 of them), but 2 have paid for their own and the 4th is off in Sept. paying for her own. They all decided to stay at home saving them money and us paying our share. The first one does not have any student loans and the second one will have his paid in six months. The last I am certain will only have a loan for her first year. My oldest has Down Syndrome and did not attend post secondary. They all have good heads on their shoulders and are ALL making their way successfully in the world. They all still live at home, but I am sure that will change soon as two are saving for down payments on a home. Over the years I have done some home daycare, worked in Elections and I have a developed a small home sewing business. these things have helped to send my kids off on exciting school trips to France, New York and Boston to name a few. My family is 6 strong! I think that staying home is one of the best decisions we made together and still enjoy today. My husband has a good job with a good pension and we have some spousal RRSP. Retirement is the next step in our lives and we are looking forward to that.
June 11, 2012 at 9:45 am
This whole idea terrifies me, especially since I’ve worked so hard to earn a license in my profession. But thanks to this post, at least when the time comes, I have an action plan, and a back up, can-work-from-home-part-time plan in case the funds are too tight. Planning is never a carved in stone idea for me, its so I can figure out how to juggle everything else. Thanks for the reminder Gail!
June 11, 2012 at 10:27 am
Having a baby is certainly a time to test your financial acuity and discipline! I have an 10 month old son and since I’m the bigger breadwinner, I stayed home for 6 months and now DH is home with him til he starts daycare at 1. We’ve been doing ok living on less, but I saved up a big chunk before he was born to offset limited income while on maternity/parental leave. Daycare will be a further test to our budgeting skills-it certainly throws the whole 25% for life category out of whack! That said, we’ve bought the minimum (and what we’ve bought has been found on sale or used points (for things like cribs and carseats for which used could be unsafe) or used-Kijiji is an incredible source for baby stuff), and gratefully accepted hand-me-downs from friends and family.
DH and I have both trained a long time and enjoy our careers, so staying home full time was not a consideration for us, but, my goal is to reduce my hours so I can work 3.5 or 4 days a week so I can spend more time with my kiddo. Just to add to the excitement of our lives right now, DH is starting his own business, so I need to make sure things get rolling and sufficiently predictable (ha ha) to ensure my income can cover the basics and then I’ll cut my hours. As Gail said, (in so many words), where there’s a will there’s a way, so I will make this happen!
Best wishes to everyone who is expecting now. Use Gail’s tools and advice and you’ll be able to enjoy your new addition without undue financial stress
June 11, 2012 at 10:46 am
Great post. It’s rare to find something written on this that doesn’t spark the stay at home vs. working Mom debate. It’s nice to see that we can be respectful of other people and their decisions for what works best for their family. There are definitely costs and benefits to both situations! I always think it’s funny when people tell me how lucky I am to be a stay at home Mom as they just can’t afford it. It isn’t luck! It’s taken a lot of sacrificing and planning, just as I’m sure it takes a lot of sacrifice and planning to work outside the home. We need more respect of one another and less judgement.
June 11, 2012 at 11:27 am
This is a great post. As a Realtor I wasn’t entitled to Mat leave so we had a lot of planning and saving to do. But learning to live on one income while you are pregnant is a terrific idea.
Please keep in mind that there are costs that you may have now that will increase when the little one arrives, or costs you don’t have now that you will.
Besides the clothing (goodwill and friends are Great sources) furniture (again friends, second hand stores, kijiji) and strollers (you don’t actually NEED a $1600 fancy schmancy stroller do you!!, ask friends or shop Kijiji) You will need formula and bottles or if mum is nursing you will need More Food (nursing mums are Hungry) you will use a lot more water (loads and loads of soiled clothing and baby bedding) and more electricity (for the laundry) car expenses (weekly then monthly trip to the doctor for baby visits) and more heating expenses ( you will most likely keep the heat up higher than normal with a little one)
Please remember that little ones don’t know about Baby Gap or Bugaboo strollers and they don’t care. Having parents (especially first timers) who are not stressed about finances and don’t mind if baby is sick all of the cute little outfit from goodwill, makes baby happy. Happy baby, Happy family.
June 11, 2012 at 12:33 pm
We want to have a child in the next couple of years–after our consumer debt is gone! Much as I would like to be a SAHM, we’ve discussed it and decided that I could do the one-year mat leave and then DH could be stay at home daddy for a bit, as it’s a lot easier for him to return to his line of work than it would be for me to return to mine after a hiatus of a few years. Also, I make too much to walk away from. I’ve thought a lot about the stupid things people feel they need to buy for their babies…..most of it is not needed. Example–the changing table–I’ve heard from so many moms that you end up changing the kid on the couch, the floor, wherever, rather than hauling him up to his little changing table….waste of money. A crib? Yeah. A carseat? Yup. A stroller? Not for me. I’d like to wear the baby, at least while I can, before he gets too heavy. If I ever did get a stroller, it would NOT be Eddie Bauer!! Eeeeek! Clothes? Yeah, but brand name or brand new? NOPE. Kid doesn’t care, so why should I? Food? I have a food processor, and I’d like to try making my own. I guess a lot of people will laugh at me and say, just wait till you have one, time time time…..but I’d make time to do stuff like that. I guess we’ll see, but I just don’t believe it has to be as hard as some people make it out to be. Or as expensive.
June 11, 2012 at 12:47 pm
@flynnycat…you can absolutely make do…no laughing from me. making baby food was a big cost saver and on the one road trip we did with our infant….a few years back…he wouldn’t eat any of the commercial/jarred baby food. He didn’t like it so it was jarred fruit puree and cereal for a few days as he was still too little to eat from my plate. I didn’t wear my baby but everything else you mention…it works! To each their own, and enjoy the time together!
June 11, 2012 at 1:05 pm
@pwrrkc6 Good call-this is a very respectful discourse here. I think Gail sets a tone that is practical, and not about what is the “right” choice, but whatever your choice, make sure the budget balances!
@flynnycat-have faith in yourself that you can do what you want to do for your child (i.e., wearing him/her, making the food). I feel that some people see any choice they didn’t make as impossble to acheive, and discourage others from trying, whether it’s financial, to do with parenting, or anything else! (For instance, I was told by many that it would be impossible to give my son breastmilk exclusively as I returned to work when he was 6 months, but here I sit, eating lunch, pumping and reading blogs, and he’s almost 11 months. What Gail says about determination goes for choices other than financial too-if you are determined, you can do it!) Just a note for your memory bank when the time comes-research baby led weaning. It involves feeding your kids table foods right off the bat (not having to puree etc.) If you feel it’s right for your child and your family, it’s a huge timesaver and money saver.
June 11, 2012 at 1:39 pm
I’ve been a SAHM for over 6 years now – I plan to re-enter the workforce when my youngest starts school in a couple of years. DH and I had the goal of me being a SAHM in mind long before we had kids, and planned our life accordingly. We lived in a small, 2 bedroom basement apartment with cheap rent, instead of signing up for a big mortgage. We had 1 used car that we paid cash for. We didn’t rack up credit card debt, had no cable or cell phones. When our first child was born, it wasn’t such a huge stretch to give up my income, because we had very little in the way of “payments”. I made my own baby food, cloth diapered and bought second hand clothes. My babies certainly didn’t care what kind of home we lived in or what they wore/rode in. As time went along, my husband’s income increased…then came the house, the newer car, the cell phones, etc – when we could afford it. When you think about it, precious little of what we have is an actual need – there’s a lot you can do without. Living “cheap and cheerful” early on in our marriage and those first few years of parenthood was one of the best decisions we ever made!
June 11, 2012 at 2:00 pm
flynnycat-
No laughing here! My mom made my baby food and I plan to do the same with my kids. This is actually becoming quite the “trendy” thing to do these days. Plus it is healthier (no preservatives or shelf stabilizers), cheaper, and most babies prefer the fresh stuff to the jar as pepgirl said. You can get recipes for making homemade rice cereal for babies that doesn’t take much time at all.
My parents used a cloth diaper service for me because it was cheaper then, but I am not aware of the cost now vs. at home washing. I know they were on a tight budget when I was young – but I didn’t care that alot of my clothes game from thrift shops. Plus I grew out of them so quickly it didn’t matter if they were bought new anyways
June 11, 2012 at 3:56 pm
I’ve been on all sides. I’ve got 3 daughters, 12 8 and 2. I have gone backwards. I was SAHM for my first, we lived on his teeny income, and it was rough but I was HAPPY! Baby was HAPPY. Life was overall, good. We always have had two cars, always used back then, so money was tight but doable. Our home was not in a good neighborhood, and that was stress. We moved, to a fabulous area, had # 2 (lost one baby prior to that), and I stayed home a bit, but then worked part time eventually. Hubby changed jobs after we hit financial rock bottom, and things moved upwards. I decided after the 2 girls I’d finally go for my Realtor license that I’d wanted for years…and no sooner than I’d started college, Baby # 3 showed up. It’s quite literally been stress ever since. Working a 24 hr type self employed job like mine, trying to build a business and with the expenses I now have, plus juggling the kids and this toddler, has been so much stress I am amazed I am still breathing. Hubby works shifts, so I stagger my clients and work with him or the oldest sits sometimes if it’s a short thing…overall financially it’s been terrifying and I would not have done things this way. I couldn’t stop once we became pregnant because I’d paid to to the school..and I’ve worked SO hard to get where I now am…quitting isn’t an option. I just work as hard as I can knowing the debts will be paid down and off as I go and as the baby gets closer to starting school I will get closer to properly growing my business like the other agents who get to devote all of their time to their jobs. I refuse to sacrifice my children for work. Daycare was never an option. Or desire.
June 11, 2012 at 4:50 pm
flynnycat – my mother used to make her own baby food, and she swears it was easier than buying it.
In fact, she laughs at the trendy recipe books for baby food – I remember her scraping the leftovers out of the pots/pans/even off the dinner plates straight into the food processor every night, and that was the baby’s food the next day.
If there was too much for a meal or two’s worth of food, it went into an ice cube tray and into the freezer. Once frozen, the cubes were put into a zip lock bag and used when there weren’t any leftovers for whatever reason.
Of course, this is on top of processed fruit . . . but it really didn’t take much time.
June 11, 2012 at 5:55 pm
Super mommy money savers that I found with my son:
- breastfeeding (natures perfect baby milk, way better for everyone than formula). Even with a $300 pump I saved thousands over the year I breastfed.
- cloth diapers. Yes people STILL use cloth. It’s healthier for your baby, our planet and your budget (you will save ~$2000 per child from birth to potty training) and it has evolved so far beyond pins and plastic pants (think Velcro and super cute!)
- make your own baby food. All you need is the blender, food processor or hand held blender that you probably already have. It’s super easy, you can get creative and introduce your baby to an even wider range of flavours and nutrients without the worry of added chemicals. Freeze in ice cubes and only defrost what you need when you need it. No waste.
- kijiji!!! You can get great deals on all your baby gear
- value village! Half the baby clothes there still has tags on it! And $2 for a sleeper instead of $20 is a no brainer
- mommy deal websites (babyheist.com, babysteals.com, babyhalfoff.com, and sooo many more!)
We’re expecting #2 in December and while the financial stress of creating another bedroom is slightly worrisome, at least I know I’ve got all the essentials and can use everything I learned from my first mat leave to keep us on track financially.
June 11, 2012 at 6:06 pm
@flynnycat – you may want to rethink the change table. I thought the same, but you don’t realize HOW MANY TIMES you have a change a diaper, especially in the first year, never mind first few months. MY back ached! Bending over a bed or couch killed my back so I bought a second had one for $10. It wasn’t pretty, it was practical. Saved my back that’s for sure. Good luck!
June 11, 2012 at 8:18 pm
To be honest, we never really thought much about it. I got married right out of college and have worked here and there but we have basically live on one income for our entire marriage. We move alot for hubby’s job and have lived in 6 homes, 4 different towns across the country and had 2 kids in those past 7 years. We did decide early on that once we (sorry he) got to a spacific possition that came with X amount of income that we were good to go. We have been and maybe because of luck but we are relativly cheap people and its all worked out. Luckly i have 2 boys so hand-me-down have helped alot, now they even wear the same size. Also, practical gifts are great. my boys love snuggling so why not give him a blanky that also matches the couch? lol
June 11, 2012 at 10:11 pm
I LOVED my changing table…used it ALL the time…it’s the best height and the most comfortable…I made toddler food too…with my mom’s meat grinder!…I used the best part of the pork chop, stew beef, chicken etc…added potatoes and veggies…bit of gravy or butter and yum yum…my kiddies gobbled that stuff up…I had a baby “fund” during both my pregnancies so that I could save up for the extra costs like diapers and formula…it kept us a step ahead…planning as much as possible is always the most effective
June 11, 2012 at 10:39 pm
Any tips or hints to the ladies that wants to do it solo? I currently work from home and am trying through IVF…. I have savings but I still worry. Any comments appreciated.
June 12, 2012 at 9:05 am
@Flynnycat, I completely agree with your thoughts on baby stuff. So much is just keeping up with the joneses (spelling?). I don’t know about you, but growing up I had hand me downs from my bit Bro, the crib he and I used was re-used 10 years later for my sister , and went to many cousins and friends in between. Make your own food? Why not. Yes, its challenging time wise, but so is grocery shopping with a screaming infant.
Re: the change table, you can buy a special padded and cleanable mat that you can attach to the top of any dresser.
@Erica, re; the extra bedroom, I was wondering if there is any reason they can’t share a room? You would be surprised how quickly they get used to each others noises and sleep thru the night. Mine shared a room for 15 years. I look at this this way, I have to share a room with Dh, so my kids could share too.
@ Catherine, see if there are any “mom’s groups” in your area, or maybe even a network of single women “going it alone”. Having someone who really “gets” where you are coming from makes a big difference in your experience. You may have friends who have little ones and “feel like they are doing it alone” ’cause the dad’s at work, but it’s not the same.
June 12, 2012 at 2:46 pm
The one main thing that I did before child #2 was to start saving as soon as the pregnancy test turned out positive! I had had a full year (well 18mo actually) alone with my son, and I wanted that one-on-one with #2 as well. So I saved up enough during pregnancy with #2 to ensure I could keep #1 at his dayhome for the year of my mat leave with #2. At least that way, I thought, I would have one-on-one days with #2.
It worked out really well. Turned out to be a difficult year with postpartum depression so it helped to not have #1 around all day and have to deal with 2 kids. Just another consideration in the budget!
June 12, 2012 at 9:59 pm
To be honest, I think maternity leave is a necessary thing for a mother to take in Canada if she is breastfeeding. I speak from experience. I went back to work after 6 weeks with my last child, and trying to find a space to breastfeed at work, as well as the time away from my desk was murder! I did successfully exclusively breastfeed for 6 months, and continued to breastfeed in addition to solids until the 1 year mark. But it took a HUGE toll on my career, my baby, my husband and my sanity. After working a 12 hour day with no break for “me” (to make up for the time spent pumping) and having sleepless nights on top of that, with my second baby (third child) I will be taking a maternity leave until I’m done breastfeeding.
My advice to expecting moms… It can be done, but if you’re going back to work factor in the cost of formula even if you plan to try and breastfeed. It might make your “go to work/stay on mat leave” financial comparison much different.
June 13, 2012 at 1:27 pm
I was determined to give my kid a Montessori education and live in the townhouse near my folks with the backyard that walked out to the public park/playground. In order to have that, I had to go back to work at four months. It actually worked out really, really well. Since there was a daycare in the building, I was able to pop downstairs to breastfeed and did so until 9 months. Then my kid went to Montessori and is doing amazing now at 3.5 years. Most days when we go to pick her up, she says, “I had the best day!” and I know we made the right choices for us. I know I thought that last night when we were at the park and she wrote out all the numbers for a hopscotch by herself for the first time.
So courage to those working moms who want what I have, it’s doable!
June 14, 2012 at 6:43 am
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