Life Lesson Learned
Posted by Gail | Filed under Life Lessons
Some lessons are harder to learn than others. There are things I’ve beaten my head against the wall on until I thought it would explode. Inevitably when I’m struggling with something it is because I haven’t yet realized that in amongst the trees there is a path. All I need do is find the path.
I have come to believe that when we do that head-bashing thing, it is because there is a life lesson we must learn; we must find the path.
There was the month in which every single plan I laid – in an attempt to balance all the balls I tend to keep in the air – went off-track. The first two times my plans went for crap, I was frustrated… angry even. By the third one, I got it. Yes, I’m a control freak and The Big Lesson was that it didn’t matter how well I planned, crap happens. Time to stop freaking out.
So by the time the fourth Change In Direction came along, I was already in a different headspace. I had had my Big Wake-up. I wasn’t about to lose my temper or let myself become discombobulated!
And you know what? It feels better. It’s a hard lesson, but one well learned.
I have found that some of the hardest lessons to learn are the ones that make the greatest difference in my life. There’s a lot of that head bashing, followed by a big “a-ha!” and then the peace that comes from knowing I now know the answer to the question, “What was the lesson?”
Even when I am too busy to listen, the universe talks to me. Sometimes it has to shout to get my attention. Sometimes it must take a hammer to my head.
Perhaps this is one of the reasons why I believe that regret is a waste of emotion. How can you regret the very things that have been sent to teach you some major life lesson? How can you regret growth?
Pushing through the hard cold earth to bloom is tough. When we do get to open our petals to the warmth of the sun, when we become all we can be, we become beautiful. But it takes hard work, persistence and the willingness to push forward.
I consider myself a very lucky woman. It’s not because my life has been particularly bless… although it has been with happy children, good friends and wonderful challenges. I think I’m lucky because I learned to ask, “What’s the lesson?” And I learned to keep asking until I figured it out, no matter how much my head was hurting.
So, what life lesson did you learn the hard way?
August 26, 2011 at 5:37 am
I learned that credit can’t be counted on and an emergency fund is essential in a very painful way. When my father got pneumonia and was in the hospital I called my four maxed out credit companies (over 40k) and asked for more money (for a plane ticket). Everyone said no so I didn’t go. I had no money in the bank and I thought he would come through.
Then he passed away and I had to borrow the money from my already broke mother to attend the funeral.
The lesson finally hit home, and I no longer use any form of credit and have saved enough cash in the bank for at least two emergency flights +.
It was a painful lesson to learn and one I will always wish I had learned sooner.
August 26, 2011 at 7:26 am
I think for me the hardest lesson I have had to learn so far, though I am sure there are many more to come, is that you can not help someone who will not help themself first. It is very difficult to watch people you care about making the same mistakes without ever learning, or in another case, when bad things happen, rather than get up and change direction they just blame the world for ruining everything. It is also difficult to tell these people “no” when the ask for help, because first I can’t afford it and secondly it’s not actually helping the problem, just helping the effects. I used to try and try and it took a very long time to realize that no matter what help I give them they will always be in the same place until THEY make a change.
August 26, 2011 at 7:36 am
@C I learned that one too.
I think the hardest lesson for me, despite being proved over and over again is “ask and it shall be given”. It’s gotten easier since the Percy incident. My 3 year old is a Thomas and Friends fanatic (as most 3 year olds are). One day Percy went missing. Hubby and I looked. EVERYWHERE, we even unzipped couch cushions and prayed like mad.
A few days later Hubby was in the bedroom and I walked into the kitchen. I litterally heard the voice in my head say “hey, dumbass, exactly how big is the space between the china cabinet and the wall?” “Why Lord,” I replied “it’s exactly one Percy-length.” And sure enough, it was.
August 26, 2011 at 7:40 am
I’ve learned many life lessons in just the way you described. And what I’ve noticed is that when I reach that place of peace inside myself, everything else in the world seems to change.
And that in itself is a huge lesson – it’s not how the world is that’s the problem it’s our perspective of it that needs to change.
Great post! Love your work. You are an amazing human being.
August 26, 2011 at 7:48 am
I think it would be that it is imperative to be financially independent and not count on someone else to pay for life’s necessities. In the same way it is important to have education and training completed (except for updating) prior to buying a home or starting a family.
August 26, 2011 at 8:19 am
One lesson I learned is that wealth cannot be built quickly and gambling never pays off. I have lost quite a bit of money over the years and it has stalled by wealth building process. I know now what I need to do to continue on the good path..
Second lesson is to work hard at the job you are currently in no matter what your thoughts are of the company or who you work for, for you will never know when that day will come when you are let go and sent packing.
August 26, 2011 at 8:27 am
I just came through a month like this where nothing was easy. The difference? I’ve learned now to just keep my head down, work harder, be grateful and, most importantly, keep my mouth SHUT. It gets better.
August 26, 2011 at 8:57 am
My biggest life lesson was that life is full of life lessons. They can come at anywhere and at any time, which makes life worth living. Just wake up with a positive attitude, be ready to learn, and try your best. Everything will work out in the end.
August 26, 2011 at 9:02 am
Lesson: don’t judge.
A visitor was speaking at church. He leaned heavily on the chair of the music leader as he spoke. I remember giggling about it with a friend, wondering why he didn’t just stand normaly.
It turns out he has problems with blood sugar, and since he had just flown in and wasn’t able to eat his normal diet, he was basically really really low in blood sugar. I felt like an ass when I found that out.
Not that I’ve never judged again, but that incident (which happened over 15 years ago, by the way) keeps coming back to me as a painful, yet very important reminder. No matter how strange or inexplicable someone’s actions are, they likely have a solid reason for it.
August 26, 2011 at 9:18 am
I’ve learned that it isn’t the cards you’re dealt that matter, it’s how you play them. Everyone gets bad stuff thrown at them (some just a little, some a whole lot) so there’s no point wallowing in despair when it happens to you, wondering “Why me?” (“Why not me?”).
Grace under fire is a wonderful thing to witness when people face hard times. That’s the kind of person I want to be (yes, I’m still in the process of becoming that person).
August 26, 2011 at 9:20 am
I learned the most valuable lesson when I was in highschool. Don’t judge a book by its cover.
When I was 16, my parents separated. We lived in a small town, and none of my friends had parents that were divorced. Highschool wasn’t that difficult for me socially, except that the lockers were in alphabetical order, and I just happened to be beside a guy a couple of years older than me that liked to party, fight, and get in trouble with the cops. I did everything possible to always avoid my locker when he was at his.
A few weeks after my mom moved out and left me and my sisters with my Dad, I had begun to tell my friends that they had separated. Many of them didn’t believe me. One even laughed thinking I was joking. For some reason, that I can’t recall, I actually told this guy that I’d been avoiding at my locker that my parents had separated. I had seen him one day where I worked, and it just came up in conversation. He was the FIRST person to believe me and to show compassion. He said that his parents fought a lot, and had been seperated many times. You could have knocked me over with a feather that day. I would never have expected him to be the one person that I felt I could confide in.
Didn’t take long, and we ended up being good friends. I never spent time with him and his friends, or me with my friends, but we did have great times just the two of us. Very unlikely friends. When my Dad found out about our friendship, I figured he’d tell me that it was a bad idea (Dad knew about his reputation). Even Dad surprised me and was ok with us being friends.
So… because of the creepy guy that had a locker next to mine, I have never again judged a person because of their looks, behaviour, or abilities. I have caught myself starting, and then wondered in which way they were similar to me rather than judging. When I look for the similarities first, it changes the way I look at people.
Though we don’t keep in touch any more, I will be forever grateful for this valuable lesson at such a young age, and for all the wonderful memories I treasure of our time together.
August 26, 2011 at 9:23 am
When I was younger (pre-Gail) I got into what I thought was horrible debt all by myself on a meager income. I knew I made too many mistakes and felt awful. I felt panic most days when I realized nothing I tried was working. I walked into a bank to talk to someone and left in tears. It was a big secret that only I knew about and it was beginning to get more and more uncomfortable having that secret. I didn’t want to tell ANYONE, especially my mother. I finally did…. I thought THAT’S IT! she won’t love me anymore.
My mom loves me.
August 26, 2011 at 9:35 am
It’s never as bad as you think it is and there’s always something you can do about it. Except, sometimes it’s worse than you think it is. (I learned that from renovating an old house.)
But there’s still always something you can do about it. That doesn’t mean that everything will be fine. There are often unpleasant conditions or consequences to endure. But you can get through them. And, you can be just about as happy as you decide to be about things.
August 26, 2011 at 10:15 am
It seems like I am learning a life changing life lesson more frequently than I used to. I guess the biggest one is that time is finite. You never know how much time you are going to be given and what quality the last years of it will be. Don’t ‘put off til tomorrow’. Enjoy the now. It truly is, all you have.
August 26, 2011 at 10:21 am
You’re never too old to learn! I hope so because I’m getting older and still learning how to manage my money!
August 26, 2011 at 10:27 am
Wise words
August 26, 2011 at 11:17 am
My husband and son love cats even though they’ere allergic to them. Our compromise has always been to have in-and-out cats so everyone one can breathe. We live in a very rural area, far from the road and it’s a beautiful place. The cats stayed near the house and were always in a night. But something always gets them no matter how vigilant we are.
Monday night pur sweet, sweet cat, Aero, was went missing. A life lesson to aligh with what-is. I told my son, “I’m sorry, but we’re not meant to have a cat here.” Broke his heart but he agreed we need something bigger and sturdier.
For anyone who wants to rant about my level of animal care, please don’t. Aero was well cared for, loved, and I’m still coming to terms with The Lesson.
August 26, 2011 at 11:19 am
I learned that there is a difference between the patience of trying/doing until you succeed and knowing when to admit defeat at some things. Patient people can do more things–like learn how to play an instrument, grow a garden, or or save for a vacation. But on the flipside, please don’t beat your head against the wall until you’ve cracked your skull open because the wall’s probably not gonna give before your cranium does.
The message of Aesop’s “Fox and the Grapes” is somewhat lost on me–the fox couldn’t reach the grapes no matter how hard he tried, so he had to eventually walk away and reassure himself that they were “probably sour anyway”. I mean, what was he supposed to do? Keep trying indefinitely for an unattainable goal? That would be truly foolish.
August 26, 2011 at 11:26 am
As I read Gail’s words and all the responses all I could think was YES, YES, YES!
I agree with everyone. What great lessons people have learned. We learn by experience, good or bad, and we will go on learning and growing as long as we make the changes that need to be made.
August 26, 2011 at 11:28 am
The one lesson I try to remember is to take responsibility for everything in the past. Blaming others doesn’t help – the key is to look at a situation, acknowledge that I made choices that seemed right given the knowledge I had at the time, that in hindsight they may not have been the wisest. Then I move on.
The other lesson is that no matter the long term plan I make, something crazy derails it. I stopped believing in 5 year and 10 year plans the day I found out I was having twins!
August 26, 2011 at 12:00 pm
@M Not to worry. At least the cat you had lived a bit of a good life. I am glad you told your son no more.
August 26, 2011 at 12:34 pm
Edward, in my version of “A fox and grapes”, the fox says, “I don’t want those grapes. They are green, sour and inedible anyway.” Because the fox is being such a bad loser, all the animals in the forest make fun of him, which just makes the fox feel worse. If he had given up on the grapes more gracefully, “Oh well, since I can’t reach these grapes, I’ll go look for X to eat instead.” then perhaps the other animals would have admired him, or at least just left him alone. He would have felt happier either way.
Also, I always wondered why the fox didn’t just ask for help. If there were all those other animals standing around watching him jump for grapes, why didn’t he ask them to assist him and then share the fruit around?
August 26, 2011 at 12:48 pm
Like your blog, reading all blogs is a lesson learned for myself. No one wants to admit their faults and take responsibility. I made mistakes while I was in post-secondary school. I am learning from my past, I hope to teach my children the value of money and credit. As a parent my goal is to have food in the kitchen and a roof over their heads, means I give up on things for myself at the moment. As long as my kids are happy and well feed. I will no longer spend money on things I don’t need or try to fit in with others. Once they have grown and extra money is left and then will I spend on myself. I have money aside for emergencies and RRSP every two weeks. What else is needed?
August 26, 2011 at 1:16 pm
I’ve learned that good things often come in due time if you have the patience to wait. When I was in college, I worked on a project with a guy. We were the two in the group who actually worked, and we became friends. I had a bit of a case of hero worship for him, and asked him once if he had a girlfriend. He said he did, and although he now admits he was curious about me and attracted to me then, he never did a single thing to act on it. He was completely faithful to his girlfriend at the time. I met her once when I was at his place working on one of our school projects–she refused to acknowledge me or even say hello. I got the cold shoulder, and I didn’t even know her!! It was clear she didn’t want me near her man! Fine. Rather than cause trouble for him, I did the gracious thing and bowed out. For about 8 years. I found him on Facebook four years ago and asked him how he was, expecting that he had married her and had kids. He had married her…and then divorced her. He was free! I actually wasn’t thinking of romance at the time, just that it would be wonderful to see him again, as I missed him a lot and had never forgotten how great it was to just be with him and enjoy our friendship. I went to see his band play one night shortly after we started talking on Facebook, and shortly after that, we were dating. We’ve now been married for one year. I love him more than anything; he is the greatest gift I could ever receive. Definitely worth the 8-year wait, LOL!! Lesson? All good things come in time. A good lesson for me, as patience is something I often struggle with.
August 26, 2011 at 1:26 pm
In regard to the kitty, Aero, I’m very sorry to hear what happened. However, there are ways around the dangers for “outdoor” kitties! I personally would love to have one of these http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=outdoor+cat+enclosures&view=detail&id=527A11A743CC7F91ACC1FDE51C63ED28374DB09F&first=0 and so would my cats! Someday.
August 26, 2011 at 1:49 pm
My life lesson is to not let fate change who you are as a person.
My father passed away under bad circumstances when I was 25. It took everything I had not to become a angry or bitter person because of it. I am a positive person by nature, and it took a long time for me to recover that characteristic. I felt so bad for my mom and for me losing such a great man. Now I’m glad I had him at my life at all, and I forgive fate for taking him away too soon. I live my life in a way that would have made him happy to see.
August 26, 2011 at 2:02 pm
I learned that I am more valuable to my family as a stay at home mom with a weekend job than I was as a career driven person. It was a hard lesson to learn, but we are financially better off (not paying for daycare and take out), we eat healthier home made food, we live in a cleaner, more organized home and my girls do better in school and are more emotionally balanced since we (as a family) decided to make that change.
I still have days were I struggle with (for the first time in my adult life) not making enough money to support myself and my family. I struggle with the idea of letting 90% of the income responsibility fall on my husband. I know we are still a team and we still budget and plan together. I just (occationally) wince to see that my weekend job pays less than 1/10 of what his full time job does.
I had to change my mindset to understand that instead of making money, I am making enough time to support my family and that is valuable too.
August 26, 2011 at 3:04 pm
I’ve learned my fathers message… “It doesn’t matter how much money you make, it matters how much you don’t spend”
I didn’t believe him because we were always finacially in dire straits when I was a kid. I’m an adult now with and education and a career with an income I only dreamed of… still just as broke as before ubtil Gail showed me the path to being in control!
August 26, 2011 at 3:11 pm
Great Reading today, everyone, thank you. The life lessons that struck me today was about trusting in the law of abundance. Especially when my budget is not working out! If my focus is on abundance rather than lack, I will find abundance. Sometimes it is just finding a nickel on the street to remind me that there is enough for everyone and there is enough for me. Not all of the abundance is financial either – abundance of love, abundance of gratitude … I have realized just this week that it would be a good exercise for me to re-start my gratitude journal. Every night I would write down 5 things that I was grateful for that day. Some days the gratitude got pretty basic “I am grateful for the bread so I could have toast” but it helped me to focus on the good stuff instead of the icky stuff that happened.
Big hugs to Aero’s family. It is such a hard loss when a pet is gone.
August 26, 2011 at 5:11 pm
So many great lessons here! @ Amanda A – that was a really hard way to learn a lesson and I feel for you!
Gail- you and I are similar in the “Control freak” area. I am still learning the lesson that I can’t control everything and I need to lighten up and not take everything so seriously all the time.
Have also learned the lesson of gratitude – count your blessings.
August 26, 2011 at 10:43 pm
I learned that Money does not fix things like emotionally broken people no matter how much you give them or pay for them in an effort to help them out of trouble and keep them “liking” you. Money does not buy you true friendships. Money does not gain you respect when you think what you have materially now demands the respect of others because we preceive ourselves as having “moved up the social class ladder” because now we have the fancy house, car and clothes. Wish I really understood and knew all that earlier in life before making myself crazy to have the goal to get there. Now we’re there and it was not worth the hassle and stress at the end of the day. Turned out to be disappointed anyways because there was no cheering section when you final got there and looked like you “made it” in life. I’m going back to what really makes me happy and plan out my next adventure travel trip instead of finding the next snazzy house decoration or gizmo and gadget because “society” says you have to have it to be deemed successful.
August 27, 2011 at 3:29 pm
My life lesson, just recently re-learned–what you think matters, or those things that you believe are important and you wouldn’t compromise on them…..that can change in a HEARTBEAT when certain circumstances change. It’s very painful, gut-wrenching, and eye opening all at the same time. Also very humbling…and as much as I hate it, I think we can all do with a little humbling from time to time. It strips away all the ego and superficial stuff, and helps you to remember the things that really matter.
August 27, 2011 at 8:36 pm
The biggest life lesson I learned is that my children must learn their own life lessons and that I cannot prevent them from learning them (which really is another way of trying to control everything). I can only be an example and hope the guidlines my husband and have lived our lives with are things they can take to heart and use in their own adult lives.
August 28, 2011 at 9:35 am
lesson # 1 is there will be lesson # 2 and so on, you cannot learn it all at once, that would be short cutting and impossible. However as one ages, you realize that you are not suppose to , all paths are different, and we need to get that before we leave this wonderful world of ours. We create the problems, but some how need to pass the blame, We we choose to marry, to have children, spend, etc. the bottom line is that it was our chose, I see so many people pass the blame, rather then say ” what part did I play in this ? ” So, this is what I say to myself ” Get over yourself, move on, suck it on and get back on your path” Life is short to dwell on things you cannot change, but I can change me !!
August 29, 2011 at 4:50 pm
This seems less grand than many other lessons, but I learned never to put more on my credit card than I could pay off the following month.
August 30, 2011 at 5:05 am
The biggest life lesson I learned is that my children must learn their own life lessons and that I cannot prevent them from learning them (which really is another way of trying to control everything).
August 30, 2011 at 5:21 am
I’m going back to what really makes me happy and plan out my next adventure travel trip instead of finding the next snazzy house decoration or gizmo and gadget because “society” says you have to have it to be deemed successful.
August 30, 2011 at 4:22 pm
It took me far longer than it should have to realize that spending money and buying stuff does not bring happiness. Fortunately I finally saw the light and I am now debt free and actively paring down my possessions so I am free to have adventures during the second half of my life, instead of being anchored by debt and too many things. Better late than never though!
August 30, 2011 at 4:58 pm
I have learned that you will love, and you will lose.
And you will gain, and you will lose.
And you will be happy, and you will be sad.
But by focusing on what you have, not what you don’t…you are setting yourself up for a life of great abundance! Not only financially, but in all areas of life.
I’m not there yet….but I know I will be!
August 30, 2011 at 8:13 pm
I have learned that excuses don’t get you anywhere! Quit delaying the inevitable, and take ownership for your debt. If I would have planned better in University, I wouldn’t have racked up $40,000 worth of debt and I would have a substantial down payment for a home by now. By staying honest with myself and throwing myself into this debt repayment journey and blogging about it, I have kept myself accountable to my friends and family (and web fans) which really keeps me on track. Gail, your methods have really changed my life, and I have learned that I can achieve any goal if I WORK for it!
August 31, 2011 at 12:12 pm
Values not valuables. That is a good lesson in life…
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