Comments on: Prepping Kids to Leave the Nest

By: Rick @ United States Paper Currency

Rick @ United States Paper Currency — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 00:33:10 +0000

Great advice, Clearly explained and easy to follow. Thank you

By: Layne

Layne — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 15:51:40 +0000

My husbands parents told him they couldn’t afford things he wanted growing up. They should have said thats not something we want to spend money on because they could afford those things. They had, and still have to an extent, had him believing that he will be destitute if he doesn’t hoard all his money for the glorious “someday” way down the road. I believe in having your bills paid and a healthy retirement savings however alot of my family members never made it to that magic age. He doesn’t see the attraction of a vacation just for relaxations sake. He only thinks of the money “wasted” with nothing to show for it. Even now according to the experts we’re well off, but he thinks if he lost his job or couldn’t work that we’d be poor. I’ve tried telling him that if worse comes to worse we can get retrained for other occupations with our savings and or investments but he doesn’t get it.

By: Kwithkids

Kwithkids — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 16:13:03 +0000

I too grew up in a family where money just wasn’t talked about. If we couldn’t afford something the answer was just NO, without explaination. My biggest financial lesson came from my grandfather: “take this money and put it in an account and soon it will be even more money”. Simple, but true, I suppose.

Kids need to understand need and want and understanding that your financial means dictates that will make life eaiser for them in the long run. Its also important that they understand that living within your means does NOT mean that you are poor. It means that you are smart and will ultimately be better off.

Thanks for the great information, Gail. I’m already teaching my 4 year old about choices. She wants to go to Disneyland and I use that as my teaching tool: we have to save our money, buy the no-name popsicle instead of Dora ones (or none at all) and decide if we need something before buying it in order to save the money to go to Disneyland. It seems silly, but its sending the message where she is at and so far she is willing to listen and accept things as they are.

By: Pol

Pol — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 03:10:11 +0000

Arthur J…. She should let her be a stripper! (If she could be trusted to stay away from the drugs). I know a few intelligent women that put themselves through school debt free with that job, and on that used her “dancing” skills to travel and work around the world! Not everyone is young and slender enough to pull it off (pun intended), and an intelligent woman CAN stay clear of all the bad stuff that can be a hazard of the job if she can stay clearly focused on her goals.

As far as my life, I see more than one person had parent’s like mine that saw talking or asking about finances as “rude”, it was a steep learing curve figuring out how to budget and balance when I got out on my own.

By: Bets

Bets — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 22:32:28 +0000

Just read this article in Moneysense – http://www.canadianbusiness.com/my_money/planning/article.jsp?content=20081201_20001_20001 My budget includes RESP contributions each month, but that doesn’t mean my 17 year old will get a free ride. He’ll have to earn that money by proving he’s ready to go, i.e. good marks and the proper attitude towards education. A “victory lap” at high school is a lot less expensive than a failed first year away at university because they’re not ready to work hard! He’s put away 50% of his earning since he started getting an allowance at 7 so he’s socked away a good portion to contribute. He’s very frugal and is FINALLY taking an interest in cooking meals – even simple things like chili and soups – inexpensive but healthy and satisfying. If he can get a decent summer job, he could graduate with minimal debt which would be great. Gosh they grow up so fast!

By: sandra

sandra — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 20:06:11 +0000

Hi Gail
My daughters aged 17 20 and 22 manage their money great. They had a paper route for about 10 years about 10 years ago and would save most of their earnings. My 22 year old has a credit card but pays it in full every month. They all have great savings accounts with ING. They have also had part time jobs since age 15 so pay for most of their own clothes. I think the paper route helped, paying for most of their own wants and watching me and my husband save. They do all live at home though so dont really know how theyd be on their own. Gonna work on that cooking thing though as theyve shown interest in baking but not cooking. Since i do home daycare and am home always it has not been necessary. They do their part of the cleaning. Cant wait to read the continuation.

By: Jessie

Jessie — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 19:45:47 +0000

It reminds me of the old saying (goes something like this):
“Give a man a fish, he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime”

By: Edgarella

Edgarella — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 18:35:42 +0000

I too was never ever privy to my parents financial affairs. To this day, it is considered rude in the extreme to speak about money specifics (salary for example) in my family.

BUT, at the same time, my parents were extremely budget-minded all through my childhood so I guess I absorbed the lessons (in theory anyway…) without the details. We were brought up to realize restaurants were a special treat, only one drink ordered (even now my Dad can’t help but frown when someone orders a second drink!), that bills were always to be paid in full, that homemade is better (all around – not just in cost) than store-bought, that if I wanted brand name clothes I could find myself a part-time job. When I look back at it now, I realize I never felt deprived. Why? Because even on a single-income there was always funds (within reason) for music lessons, activities, vacations, healthy food and a comfortable home *because* my parents knew how to live on a budget.
I guess the moral is it’s possible to teach all the right lessons without laying out your bank accounts to the scrutiny of your children.

By: Amber

Amber — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 18:04:57 +0000

It’s a fine line to walk, teaching your kids about money. My mom was TOO open, I think, worrying out loud about bills and such. It left me worried about finances when I was too young to do anything about it. On the other hand, as an adult I am very responsible financially, and that could be why.

Thanks for your suggestions, Gail. My own little one is almost 4, and I think it’s time for her to start learning about money. I’ll be reading all of your Essential Money Skills and filing them away.

By: Saver Queen

Saver Queen — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 17:25:29 +0000

I think it’s so important for parents to talk to kids about money. i am not a mother but i do wish my parents were more open about it when I was growing up. My parents were so private that I never knew what kind of income bracket we were in and still have no idea how much my parents make, nor what kind of mistakes they have made, nor if or how they budget. They think it’s completely inappropriate to reveal this kind of information to anyone. But I think that openness is so important, especially for children and I wish I had more of this guidance growing up.

By: Arthur J

Arthur J — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 16:52:06 +0000

Unfortunately a budget only works with someone who can be rational about needs vs wants. This leads to the situation where the 30 year old entitlement ostrich calls her mother and tells her that she’s broke, owes thousands and is going to take a job as a stripper to make money because anything else is hopeless. Mother pays the debts. The not-so youthful is planning to leave again, but I’m not sure any lessons have been learned. I have done what I can to stiffen Mom’s spine, but when push comes to shove, I know she will bail out the Foolish One rather than see her suffer.

By: Colleen

Colleen — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 16:01:59 +0000

Your blog today speaks volumes. By not preparing your children to be financially responsible, you are setting them up for failure. Teach them well. Teach them young. Make sure your own house is in order too. Bad habits continue through generations.

By: Kate

Kate — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 14:50:32 +0000

I think Frugal Graduate brings up a good point. Be prepared for your kids to be non-receptive, at least at first.

My mum tried so hard to get me to build a budget when I was going off to university, and let me tell you, it fell on deaf ears. At the time, I just wasn’t willing to sit down and seriously think about my money- and thought that a budget meant spending money in a hard-and-fast way, a commitment I wasn’t willing to make at 17.

But fear not! I might have been responsive at the time, but her words stuck with me, and I’ve since discovered the joys of a budget (and yes, I mean joys). They might not be responsive the first time (or second, or third), but the message will eventually get through.

(The fact that I refused to ask my parents for financial help- nor would they likely have given it to me- didn’t hurt either)

By: Frugal Graduate

Frugal Graduate — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 14:27:39 +0000

I see this happen all the time – parents thinking they are helping and then it bites them in the behind. And then the young adults don’t know how to say no to themselves because they nobody ever said no to them. Over the holidays I was talking to my younger cousin and she told me that she had maxed out her student loan, her lines of credit and her credit cards (cash advances no less!). I think she is used to being bailed out by her parents or older brother… it probably doesn’t help that her friends all have similar tales so it may be harder for her to see what’s wrong with it.

I would love to sit my cousin down and have a good talk with her and try to help her out (with knowledge and skills, not money!) but I suspect that she may not be receptive. hmmm.

By: Melaniesd

Melaniesd — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 13:48:23 +0000

Gail: Wonderful post.
My son is just 3, so there’s lots of time to teach him. Your wisdom will certainly help me when the time comes to teach him about money.
I encourage him to help me bake and clean. he thinks it’s great fun! – atleast for now! lol!

When I see my aunts & uncles “bailing out Bunny” I just shake my head – they aren’t learning a thing. One moved away and didn’t even know how to use the washing machine. It wasn’t long before Bunny was back in Mommy & Daddy’s cozy nest.

Sam: That’s is so wonderful that your daughter recognizes that a credit card isn’t the best choice for her right now. have you talked to her about establishing credit? Maybe she could have a small credit card that she just uses to pay one or two utilities. She could set up the bills to charge to the card and then she just pays the bill each month. She could give you the card and then the shopping temptation isn’t an option – plus she’s establishing a great credit history.