Christmas Shopping
Posted by John Draper | Filed under Smart Shopper
With jobs going buh-bye and the economy in the tank (yes, it’s official), this is the year to try perhaps NOT to blow your brains out on the holidays. While I’ve always been a Holiday Whore, this year’s gonna be a bit different. A divorce, a new home purchase and a big move (I’ve been packing for weeks) have conspired to put the kybosh on spending.
Taking a more sensible approach to the holidays doesn’t have to mean trolling your closets for things to re-gift. After all, if you don’t want it, why would your sister? But since many of us are done with clutter, we’ve woken up to the reality that we don’t need more STUFF. So what are you going to do differently this year that doesn’t involve simply walking the mall and ticking names off your list?
Getting through the holidays on a budget probably means you have to think hard about what you’ll give. The idea is to come up with realistic ways of getting to January without a wicked credit hangover.
One of my shooter boys told us at lunch that his family is planning to pool their money and make a charitable gift. His words, “We’ve all got all the stuff we want, so this is better.” Go Adam.
You could make your gift. No, I don’t mean something hokey; how about something your recipient would love? Like a coupon book for free babysitting, pet-sitting, house-cleaning, whatever it is you can do well that someone else would love. This is the old “gift coupon book” idea and it’s one of my favs.
Some families have already initiated the “gifts just for the little kids” approach to the holidays. The spirit of Christmas is to be together and celebrate. No one says those celebrations have to centre on the exchanging gifts. For those for whom pressies are still a big part of the experience, you could choose names. Then each person only has one gift responsibility. Fams often also set a price limit for the gifts.
Course, if you set a price limit for gifts you have to stick to it. There’s always some fool who while espousing the benefits of a toned- down holiday, then tries to show off. If you’re determined to stay on budget, be clear with your family: “People, money is tight this year, so we’re scaling back, focusing on the fun, okay?” If your family chooses not to cooperate, you should stick to your guns and not feel guilty. (Guilt is a wasted emotion.)
While I’ve never been a last-minute shopper, people assure me this is a great way to save. I met a guy the other day that told me that he and his buddies make an event of shopping on Christmas Eve. They meet for breakfast, hit the mall and shop ‘til they’re done. Since the projections for this Christmas season’s sales are waaaay down, there may be some wickedly deep discounts as Santa’s sleigh draws closer.
One way to fund Christmas is to sell stuff you no longer have a use for and use that money to go shopping. Since the money won’t be coming out of cash flow or going on your credit card, you won’t have to give anything up in order to give pressies. Make sure you limit your Christmas budget to the funds you raise.
Okay, it’s your turn. How are you dealing the pressure to give?
December 3, 2008 at 7:46 am
I start shopping early and I shop all the sales. I make my list, check it twice (just like Santa) and then buy ONLY what is on the list. Even the “expensive” items can be bought within budget if you watch the fliers.
I also give the gift of food, I bake for the adults and my best friend.
I also put cash away during the year so my credit cards stay in the locked drawer the whole holiday season.
December 3, 2008 at 8:15 am
I started putting aside my CPP and EI contributions once I no longer had to make them (sometime in September I think). I wasn’t used to having the extra money in my account anyway and now I should have more than enough money to buy Christmas presents without putting anything on my credit card or going into any debt.
I’ve also alloted a certain value (modest) to each person I want to buy for and will stick to that budget!
December 3, 2008 at 8:20 am
Diana — I love the idea of baking for friends and family!!! Feel free to send some my way!
Seriously, I would love someone to pop by for coffee with some treats as a gift — it would be so much better than something I don’t need or want.
I think this year is an excellent opportunity for everyone to remember what Christmas is all about — perhaps donate some time to a good cause.
It’s also a great opportunity to teach children many lessons about giving of yourself (and about money!).
December 3, 2008 at 8:36 am
I’ve dealt with this for YEARS from my husbands side of the family who seem to swim in the commercialism of the season. For instance. My SIL is getting a 1600 laptop computer from her parents this year. It’s gross. My kids are getting spoiled rotten, which is even more gross. Last year, the FIL made a pile of presents in the middle of the floor that were going to the eldest child. He had her sit in front of them and took a picture. My parents on the other hand gave her two gifts.
I’ve tried to have this conversation with them in the past, what the holiday is about, and telling them that I am trying to teach my children that they are not the center of the universe. They tell me that it’s their RIGHT???? to spoil them. I would love to see a post on how to deal with this kind of thing.
We even moved across the country this summer and yet they still call to tell me that they bought X-Y-Z. I have no idea how they are going to ship all of the “things” that they purchased. I was hoping that the distance may calm the spending thing.
I gave up LONG ago trying to “compete”. I still get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when I see the ONE present I buy for the MIL, mingling with the 20 or so other presents that the few other members in the family have bought her. Of course, these other members have no children, and all they do is work and save money. We have a family. I have a $50.00 spending limit on each person, with 100 going to each of our children. The husband and I don’t even exchange, we just buy something that we wanted/needed for the house that we can both agree on and would be *fun* instead of practical.
One year we bought each other Ipods. Last year it was a Wii (that we supplemented with cash other family members sent for Christmas). This year it was a Flat screen TV for the basement to replace an old TV that bit the big one. Our birthdays also fall around the holidays, so, we combine the goodies.
The inlaws still gross me out with the sheer volume of *presents* that they buy.
I don’t know how to get through to them.
December 3, 2008 at 8:40 am
For the past few years we have only given to the children in the family.
There are only five children in all of our family to buy for so we have it easy. Chapters gift cards are appreciated and then there are Tim Horton cards,chocolate and money of course. We do have a maximum of $25.00 per child. They aren’t young children and well, my sister and sister-in-law don’t like having people spend money that they can’t afford to spend.
I give much more to my children and a lot of that is in money because they would rather have it to spend in their own way, especially as it harder to send gifts to the other end of the country if they need to be returned. I try to find some little gifts which will be special for them and now that there is a long standing girlfriend to also buy for, I have to think about how to please both of them in a gift. So, hot chocolate mugs and chocolate mixes were purchased last week as well as cinema packages for them to enjoy over the holidays. I don’t go overboard with this gifting anymore. I give chocolate to my husband and money as well as some Scotch. That’s it.
My brother holds Christmas and he does the turkey, and we provide the desserts and some of the vegetables and a cheese tray with fruit. In that way we share the load and have time to sit down and talk to each other.
We aren’t getting any younger so family togetherness is not easy to pull off as mom tires easily at 85 years of age. When there were all the gifts to open it took so long and tired everyone out. It didn’t always work either. So much time was spent watching the youngest children get into their gifts and nothing else could happen. Then you were tired out getting the dinner on and the dessert after that. By that time, people were ready to go home. It was just too much work for a late afternoon Christmas and now it works so much better!
Every year, I make a special gifting to the food bank of as much as I can give with some special treats thrown in. My husband gives to the Mens’ Mission and we give to the Salvation Army. This year we know that others are in more need than any of us and that’s the true spirit of Christmas.
We also spend a lot of time watching our favourite movies at Christmas time. We have all the classics and then we watch the movie channel as well. The feeling of Christmas is special. Church is a special time and well, we all do Christmas in our own way. It’s just nice to have time to spend together with family and friends.
December 3, 2008 at 8:46 am
This year, the regular thrift store mining yielded a mother-lode of great gifts.
Also, doing a “That’s Entertainment” gift basket: popcorn bowl stuffed with a bag of popcorn, some candy and a couple of inexpensive DVDs.
One final project is creating/writing an Emergency Preparedness handbook for a relative.
December 3, 2008 at 8:48 am
I know we have set a strict $50 budget for each member of our immediate family – $150 for the total in-laws and $250 for mine (remarried parents!) So far so good.
I am planning on doing a combination of donation (like Unicef’s Gifts of Magic where it’s a donation geared towards a specific cause like immunizing a child against a host of diseases) and baking. Anyone know of an awesome traditional coconut cream pie recipe – it’s my father’s favorite and he rarely has it!
I will do some general baking for others. In the past, I have succumbed to the ‘a little something’ for someone here and there and next thing I know I have bought gifts for an extra ten people! And each little $10-15 adds up! I’ll do a few big batches of stuff and give as gifts. It still costs money to make the goodies, but it’s less.
As for the spouse, I have gotten gifts. I did keep to my $100 budget and half of the gifts are truly practical (ie. running socks and an emergency radio/light).
I do love the idea of the service coupons – I may well use it for some friends with kids. They get a night out or a clean house and it doesn’t really cost me anything!
December 3, 2008 at 8:49 am
Last year, we only bought for our children, and we asked everyone to do the same. This year, my sister wanted to do something like “only buy for the kids”. I made the suggestion of the adults (husband, lifemate, sister, bro-in-law, me) pulling names out of a hat in a secret Santa. Dollar amount limit set really low, only buy for the adult who’s name you drew. So, instead of her having to buy for the three adults in my house and we having to buy for the two adults in hers, we just do something small for each.
I’m also going to be making as many gifts as I can, so spending slightly more than I would have for one person’s gift, I can make several of them.
December 3, 2008 at 9:08 am
I am a recent refugee of a marriage breakup myself; trying to get rent money together, and surviving with WAY less money than I have been used to is putting a definite dark cloud over Christmas this year. But I still have a few “bigg-ish” gifts for the kids and I plan to hit the dollar store so that at least there are a bunch of wrapped things under the tree. School stuff, pretty notebooks, the usual socks and underwear, all this stuff can be wrapped to at least provide that “look” of stuff under the tree. I am trying to talk more about charity to my daughter–I realize that, with all my troubles, I am STiLL better off than so many folks out there. I have no clue what I’ll do for all the relatives–there just ins’t any money for it.
December 3, 2008 at 9:21 am
@ Lynda
Sorry to hear about what’s happening in your life right now – never easy no matter the circumstances.
Why don’t you just tell them honestly that you can’t afford it and that you need to focus on providing for the kids. Give them a small token, bake some cookies or offer to help them out with something but explain that gifts aren’t possible.
The spouse and I used to shop for friends (more than the small token gift!) and about 5 years ago we talked to them. It turns out that we were all so relieved to not have to worry and feel pressure to spend that money! We see each other if we can, we give some baked goods and one couple makes candy to share but we don’t buy presents.
That said, my in-laws do not understand that. They WANT to have something to unwrap. Never mind that there is nothing they need/want and i find it a little pathetic that we call to find out what to get and the FIL says, a gift card to Marks Work Wearhouse… hmmm
At least this year we are pooling money with SIL and MIL to buy FIL snowshoes – he loves the outdoors and winter and it’s a sport that doesn’t need fancy skills (plus he lives in the country so tons of space)…
But each year I know I wish we could just stop the train – unfortunately we can’t talk sense to them. At least both sets of my parents seem to get it – hence donations and baking. But maybe you would have better luck with your relatives.
December 3, 2008 at 9:23 am
Again this year, my elderly parents (84 and 78yrs old) will be getting a card from me telling them that I have made a donation in their honour to a youth shelter, Covenant House. My mother picks the charity every year, and tells me that she’ll be “very unhappy” if I purchase presents for both her and my father….and I know she will too! They’re downsizing to a 2 bedroom apartment from a 4 bedroom house this month, so they don’t have the place for more stuff…and they don’t need it or want it or want me to spend my money on it. I will make them some treats…and then the Christmas “buying” is done for them.
My father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease this summer (so far so good, just some short term memory problems), so this year may be that last year that our whole family can be completely together for a Christmas celebration. Then alone is reason to celebrate…we don’t need things.
December 3, 2008 at 9:24 am
Hey Lynda,
Sorry to hear you’re having a tough go of things this year. It sounds like you are doing your best to cope with the challenges in your path. It will get better.
For the relatives, how about a letter to each one, written from the heart about how that person postively impacted your life, taught you something you value or whose lessons helped you cope. You could scan a favorite photo of that relative onto the letter to personalize it.
So often, we never tell people what they mean to us until we’re speaking at their funeral. I started doing this after my Dad died. It feels wonderful to express gratitude for something that another person did or said, no matter how large or small, and truly let them know how much you value that person.
Hope this helps.
December 3, 2008 at 9:56 am
i put away 25 dollars every 2 weeks into an ING account all year long, which gives us 600 bucks come december. it doesn’t cover everything, but it goes a long way. we stick to 50 dollar a person limits for each family member, and 75 for each parent, but often come in under that. i start shopping early, everything i’ve bought so far has been sales, which allows me to often get more for people than i would if i paid full price. this year we’ve instituted a ‘1 gift for adults and focus on the kids’ rule with my family, to cut down on ’stuff’. i also have stopped the ‘they might get me a gift so i better get them something’ guilt, i bake in December and have it on hand for those who may pop buy or if we go to someone else’s house. the biggest thing is just to plan out way in advance what we would like to get people and stick to our budget. i’m happy to say this will be the 2nd year in a row with all presents, food, booze, etc, paid for in cash!
December 3, 2008 at 9:58 am
The adults in my family stopped buying for each other last year. The year before we all exchanged gift cards….at that point we said how crazy it was. We buy for the kids until they are 18 and then they are one of the adults. My husbands parents go crazy at Christmas. I gave them a list of things for the kids worth about $300 each and I was told it was a good start. My parents on the other hand buy them a few small gifts but give them the best gift of all throughout the year….there time and special trips to Grandma and Grandpa’s house. The memories that are made will last a life time unlike the toys that will be played with for a few months and forgotten.
Just remember the reason for the season everyone!!!
December 3, 2008 at 10:00 am
Frugal Graduate-your in-laws sound just like mine! It’s a little eerie-right down to the store for the gift card for FIL.
The best demonstration of their need for gifts is this: one year my husband and I decided that we could not afford to fly home at Christmas while I was in grad school, so his parents decided they would drive to see us (about a 12 hr drive). My husband said we’d chip in for gas, as his parents don’t have a lot of cash. Well, his mother took that to mean that we would pay for all the gas (for their huge guzzler!). Despite my frustration, I said, fine, we’ll pay for all the gas, but that means we can’t afford presents. I didn’t care, because, like many of you, I really enjoy the time together more than the stuff. However, my MIL felt that she deserved the gas money and presents and whined that she wanted presents too! I walked out of the room while we were talking to them on speakerphone, because I was so irate that a grown person would be so immature and greedy! As I’ve grown up, I care less about what she thinks of me (in a good way) and I’ve stopped worrying about keeping up with them for Christmas gifts-just because they’re not solvent doesn’t mean I can’t be!!
Thanks for listening to me vent-Merry Christmas to all!!
December 3, 2008 at 10:50 am
In my family we have an “adult” draw between the 4 of 5 siblings and spouses that choose to participate, and a “cousin” draw between any of our children who wish to participate. My sister organizes this every year, and the cousin draw changes every year depending on who feels they can afford it. We have started doing more gifts to World Vision and Free the Children as our Father does not want more STUFF. I try to find gifts that are consumable – my mother, the quilter, gets quilt batts, for example. My MIL crochets dish cloths, so I give her crochet cotton.
December 3, 2008 at 11:36 am
My family has been buying for only the kids for years… My favourite part of Christmas has always been spending time with the family. That’s the only gift I need.
@psychsarah… think I would have had to walk out of the room on that one too… wow.
December 3, 2008 at 11:37 am
Last year we started recycling our cards from previous years. We gave the money we would’ve spent on new cards to our local food bank; we put a note in with our cards to that effect. (I have some friends who only send e-cards, but we feel that there is something special about putting a physical card in the mail.) The money isn’t much, but every little bit helps.
We also only give small baskets of jam that we make during the summer as gifts to both sides of our families and friends. The only exception is my husband’s parents – several years ago we decided to combine all the siblings’s very small money amounts together and get one present. (This year we will be halving our money for them as we are all broke)
December 3, 2008 at 11:42 am
@ PsychSara
My in-laws are cheap so wanting gas money would def up their alley – haha. There is frugal and then there is ridiculous (they have money, def enough!)
In the end though, I have to bite my tongue. They are my in-laws – it’s the spouse who needs to tackle this. In the meantime, it’s gift cards and silly stuff like a generic shirt or pjs. *sigh*
December 3, 2008 at 11:51 am
For Christmas my mother got a bottle of inexpensive perfume (her fave) and my dad got a couple of used video games (My mother bought him a used X-Box for Christmas). We had Christmas in November before the snow flew, so they got their presents and love them. My mother had her birthday around that time too. Stuck with what to get her, I drew her a family portrait with what little art skill I could work up. I think she was happier about the family portrait then the perfume. (I swear she’d put it up on the fridge if she could!)
On the other side, things are a little different. My MIL says we have a budget of $50 for Christmas and she wants things that are practical. She has enough STUFF sitting around. I have no idea what to get them. They’ve been married for a long time and they have everything practical they could need. Ideas?
December 3, 2008 at 11:59 am
I am happy to say I have been able to pay for my gift giving this year. I always start early and try to stick to budget. I allow so much per parent. We have 6 due to divorce. We don’t have a lot of siblings and my son is the only child in the family at this time. We also have 3 grandparents.
I usually bake pies to send to some relatives and friends for their Christmas dinners. This year I made a lot of jams & preserves to give. The parents will still get them with their gifts and I’ll give a jar or 2 to friends. My grandparents are getting preserves. They appreciate the thoughtfulness and don’t need a thing.
I find it most challenging to limit buying for my husband. I wil stick to $100 this year though. A few little things is nice.
Every year I consider not exchanging and approaching it with the family, but I enjoy giving. I like taking the time to find that special something or make something for them. I just don’t go over-board with my budget.
I was so frustrated last year with the grandparents. My father will get whatever I suggest for my son and that’s that. The others seem to compete with each other and buy a ton. Last year, he go so much *stuff* it was rediculous at 2 years old! I did ask them to limit what they give him because he doesn’t need anything and it’s wasteful. I don’t want him to expect so much each year. I want him to appreciate it and know the reason for the seaon. I bought a nice board book that simply explains why we celebrate Christmas and we’ve been reading that.
There are a few friend’s children that I would like to give something to so this year I am going to make them sock puppets. I think they will enjoy that!
December 3, 2008 at 12:01 pm
@ Kim U – what about getting them a photo album with a recent pic of your family as the first photo in it? Or new bath towels with a bar of fancy soap? Or a basket with dish towels, cloths, soap, etc. You could also invite them to come for dinner every Tuesday in January.
December 3, 2008 at 12:03 pm
this year me and my husband have decided not to exchange gifts. instead we are planning to take a mini holiday in february in honour of xmas/valentines day/louis riel day/husbands birthday.
i always try to make everything that i give out. i crochet dishcloths, slippers, scarves, all sorts of stuff for grandparents, aunts, uncles and parents. while time consuming this does cut down on costs.
in the past i have also redeemed air miles for gift cards for restaurants/fuel/movies.
i have also decided to stop buying for my adult cousins…and to only purchase for their kids. we have also decided not to exchange gifts with my sister and her almost-grown kids. that’s 8 presents i’ve cut back on this year.
the big cost this year is purchasing my parents housekeeping services. last year i spent about 200 dollars on that and this year i’m only going to spend 90 dollars. big cut back.
at first i felt guilty, but now i’m feeling quite liberated!
December 3, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Kim U – Have you considered a nice book and some favourite treats?
Maybe a gift certificate for the salon? Dinner & a movie? Get her nails done? Or a basket filled with things she enjoys – her favourite shampoo, hair products, lotions, pantyhose & earrings?
Every year I say I’m going to give the parents a night out, but then I feel guilty about them opening certificates. Maybe next year with some homemade treats.
December 3, 2008 at 12:03 pm
@ Kim
Does she have an emergency kit? When there has been natural disasters and emergencies (ice storms, power outages, hurricanes, etc) people often don’t have the stuff they need to survive on their own for 72 hours. Take a look at the Gov site Is your Family Prepared? http://getprepared.ca/ for a list. I know Red Cross makes a prepared one but I don’t know the price or you can gather some stuff together to get her started and place in a bag or tote (they suggest you have stuff together in one spot so you don’t have to hunt and you can grab and go if need to).
December 3, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Alicia, great ideas!
Dinah: Good for you for finding ways to cut back. I’m glad you feel good about it. I love homemade dish clothes!
My mom asked me what I would like. I said we could really use new cordless phones as our current one doesn’t keep a charge well. She said “But that’s not for you” – I don’t need anything for me. I enjoy receiving something I can use because maybe that’s something that we won’t buy ourselves.
December 3, 2008 at 12:23 pm
This year was a new one for us: we were driving through Niagara-on-the-Lake on the way back from a wedding, stopped at a winery we know well and bought a case of really nice wine. Wasn’t cheap- about 200 bucks for the dozen, but that was our Christmas/Hanukkah/Thank you present shopping right there. Delicious, consumable, and no one has complained yet! I think we even have a few left for ourselves…
We’re lucky because there’s only one kid in the family right now (born last week!). While I may have considered just giving her some bubble wrap for the holidays, we went to the dollar store instead and bought a photo album (a nice one, I might add!). I’ve printed off the pictures her mum sent us on my home computer, and have put them in the album. I figure that way she gets a momento of her time as a newborn, and her exhausted parents don’t have to worry about setting one up.
December 3, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Wishing you only happiness in your fresh start Gail. Make sure you take time to take of yourself too as you give so much to taking care of others. You take good care of all of us who read and learn from your blog. It is filled with rich practical advice and much appreciated.
Christmas, regardless of your beliefs, is a gift to us all. It’s become a universal time to gather with family and friends which is what matters. Rejoice in the small things the season brings – decorating the house while playing a Bing Crosby CD, baking special cookies (and not counting calories), sharing a random act of kindness with a stranger, getting dressed up for a party, singing carols … the list just goes on and on. Enjoy the season and gift that happiness to those around you.
December 3, 2008 at 12:39 pm
All year long we swipe our Airmiles card to collect miles on the stuff we buy anyways. (Groceries at Safeway, Gas at Shell…) We also take advantage of using points cards where ever we shop, when ever possible. (HBC points at Zellers etc…)
We start transfering points where we can to accumulate all our points to Airmiles and HBC then redeem points for gift cards. (185 air miles = $25 Gift card to so many places – including Restaurants, Clothing stores etc, and 220,000 HBC points = $25 to Chapters.
We only have 2 kids to shop for, a few siblings and our parents so we either give them the gift cards directly, or use the gift card at that store to find the perfect useful gift. Our Christmas budget is usually $500 each year, but this year we only spend $75. The rest was done by redeeming points and using gift cards from the points!
Might as well, it doesn’t cost us anything to collect the points, and it sure saves us $$
December 3, 2008 at 12:52 pm
I purchase $100 worth of Canada Savings Bonds each month through payroll deduction at work. By Christmas time there’s enough for gifts, extra food/baking, gas to make the trip to my parents, our annual family portrait at Walmart and maybe even some new clothes (all on sale of course). After Christmas I use any money leftover to purchase wrapping paper, cards, decorations – all at 75% off. We’ve been doing this for about 5 years and it’s taken away so much stress and keeps the fun in all the preparations. I always laugh and give myself a pat on the back when I open up my Christmas bin to find everything ready to wrap gifts. We’ve been going hard at debt repayment this year so despite having money saved for Christmas spending, we’ve also told our families we’re keeping our spending to the basics – no gifts between my husband and I and the adults, only buying for the kids.
December 3, 2008 at 2:03 pm
Hello,
I have been selling a bunch of stuff to help pay for Christmas presents! I also started my shopping at the beginning of September and have been sticking to a budget! We do a secret Santa with the adults with a $25 dollar limit and buy for my one child and our 2 nieces! THe only thing that makes this a little harder is my mother and husband both have birthdays in December and my dad’s is January 1st!
I am enrolling my daughter in gymnastics for Christmas and this is a gift that is tax deductible and a great experience for her for the next 4 months!
December 3, 2008 at 2:18 pm
We just shop for the kids and the kids only! when it comes to extended family. While I know it’s about the giving, not receiving, my Hubs. & I put a complete kybosh on exchanging with extended family years ago.
When we were first married; his side would draw only 1 name per person and have a set price. The price was $75 to $125 as only each person received only one gift, one nice gift, you’d probably spend about that on 3 or 4 people,etc. was their idea if they didn’t do a “draw”.
So we bought the drawn person a really nice gift each, and we received dollar-store crap from the Dollar Store! No kidding! and lots of it! It had to go in the garbage it was too ridiculous and useless to donate. That was the end of that. The next year we said no way-not so much because we received junk, but because we paid $250 together for two gifts and we were not going to spend that money each Christmas(4 Christmas’ later would be $1000 that could be in savings, etc.) and so on.
My side, re-gifts crap that they didn’t want from someone else or they buy old DVD’s on discount that no-one cares to watch..yet..they tell you exactly what they want and from what store.
So we’ve said no thanks to gift exchanges long ago..except for the lovely cute kids : )
~Food certificates, fresh baking, coffee gift baskets, charity donations, or cash are probably the best when being received.
December 3, 2008 at 2:23 pm
@ Jennifer
If you’re no longer around MIL & FIL and they’re still determined to send a load of stuff, why don’t you do a “2 for 1″ with old stuff you have? What I mean by that is for every one new item your kids get, give 2 old items to a charity (or “re-gift” if said item is still in good condition – only don’t “re-gift” like my mother and give it back to the person who gave it to you!). It teaches kids about charitable giving & sharing, it gives you far less stuff (and you’re paying to store all this stuff you don’t want – not to mention cleaning it). It’s YOUR space that’s getting filled with things you don’t want or need and YOUR kids who are learning bad habits.
I read an excellent post by a lady the other day on here (I wish I could remember who it was) that when gifted with an item she doesn’t want and the person is calling to check up on said item, she said something along the lines of “Yep, gone!” Just short and straight to the point. It sometimes takes something as direct as that to make the madness stop.
I know grandparents can dote, but they are also being disrespectful to you by not listening to what you have obviously asked many times previously. Just my two cents.
December 3, 2008 at 2:36 pm
Thanks for the ideas!
I think the hardest part about Christmas isn’t so much the spending as making sure that the gift will be liked and used.
December 3, 2008 at 2:37 pm
A great idea that one of my friends decided to do this year was use the choice rewards credit card points to “buy” all their gifts. They use their choice rewards mastercard all year long, for their everyday purchases and earn points, then you can order items from the catelogue. You can get a huge variety of stuff from household items to electronics. Of course, this only works if you are diligent about paying off your credit card every month in full to avoid interest.
December 3, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Thanks for another great post, Gail! With great ideas!
For our Christmas shopping this year, I was fortunate to enter into a contest and I won a $250 gift certificate for Shoppers Drug Mart – and we all know the variety of things that store has! I plan to get all the gifts we need (and maybe a treat or two for myself, for winning in the first place!)
Our families both implement the one-gift name exchange every year, and then we also buy another inexpensive gift for a game we play. The game is hilarious and last for a good couple hours! I think playing the game is a much better thing then actually winning a gift at the end.
All the best with your big move… Try to take it easy
We’re all thinking of you and virtually reaching you with giant hugs!!
December 3, 2008 at 4:32 pm
Lol, I think it’s funny how almost all of these stories are “My Family Does This VS HIS Family Does That.” I have the same sort of story too:
My side of the family recognizes that times are tough and everybody’s broke. All my mom has asked for is a calendar with pictures of her grandkids. My brother and SIL have agreed there will be no gifts between us – instead we’ll do something fun together with our kids in the new year.
HIS side of the family…it’s a struggle every year. It’s all about the $$$s spent, and how you spend it. The thing that gets me is, we are the last ones to get married and have kids in his family. So when the others were freshly married and broke, the family was way smaller and few gifts to buy. Now that we are a young family and broke, the family is huge and we can’t afford it all. Also, they forget that when their kids were the only grandkids they got spoiled rotton by my then-single-and-loaded husband, and now that he’s married-with-a-mortgage-and-kids we can’t afford as much on their kids as he used to. It’s all very frustrating, and nobody seems to care that we’re supposed to be spending quality time together. In fact, honest to god, there are so much gifts and CRAP jammed into the house, there is barely room left for the people, let alone a nice get together. Thanks for the vent!
December 3, 2008 at 4:48 pm
@ Frugal Graduate -you are so right about biting the tongue and letting my husband deal with it… that’s why I left the room instead of inciting war!!
The epilogue to this story is, I found out the following summer that my FIL was making more on pension than my husband and my combined income while I was in grad school, so they were asking for gas money from us, and they had more money!! Errrr… okay, back to biting my tongue now!
December 3, 2008 at 4:54 pm
Just a thought for those of you who are sick of accumulating stuff and/or who have people who already have everything on your gift list:
what about giving or requesting tickets to local concerts or plays?
You are supporting local arts organizations and giving (or receiving) a unique and interesting experience. You can combine this with a nice dinner in if you want to take the ticket recipient as your guest to the show, and that way you also have the chance to spend time with the person – a very valuable thing these days!
Another advantage to this is that you don’t necessarily have to buy all of this during the holiday season. For example, if you know your in-laws adore a certain composer and that there is a concert featuring this composer coming up in March with the local orchestra, you can make up a fun gift certificate for the gift exchange and then book the tickets later, when you have sorted out the best dates for everyone and saved the cash. This can help spread the holiday costs out. (Just make sure you don’t leave it too late!)
That way there is still something to unwrap, but it’s all about spending time together and giving experiences instead of the usual avalanche of stuff that just gives everyone a headache, anyway.
December 3, 2008 at 5:05 pm
A few years ago, my family decided that in addition to setting a dollar limit on gifts to adults ($50 pp) we assigned each household a store to shop from – like Ikea, Canadian Tire or a bookstore. That way, you’re able to get the entire family’s gifts in one trip to the store, and you’re forced to get creative with your choices. I loved getting an assortment of stuff that my SIL had specially chosen from the drugstore last year, as well as some practical home items my sister got at the hardware store.
Since I’m single, I get to spend what would have been my spousal gift budget on myself – which means I always get one thing I really, really want!
December 3, 2008 at 5:08 pm
Like many of us – we’re on a budget. We recently lost our tenants so have X less $ coming in. Consequently I’ve decided to be creative. I do much of many of you have posted (save $ for gifts, buy all year round during sales, use points, bake) AND I make my own cards which often become the gift itself. I made a snowflake theme – made a bunch of customized rubber stamps (use old erasers), used blue and silver ink which I then embossed with embossing powder. Then I use the sewing machine’s zigzag stitch to embellish the design using silver thread. The cards became ‘works of art’. I went to China town in Toronto and bought tons of inexpensive glass frames – framed the work and gave them out to friends and family.
Also – use your breadmaker (if you have one). Make 3 colours of dough (white, dark, medium) – braid them into a wreath & insert dried fruit (e.g. cranberries, raisins, etc.). Brush eggyolk on the creation, bake – and then wrap with a large red ribbon.
And Goodwill type stores have great items for re-gifting.
December 3, 2008 at 5:23 pm
Great points and too bad I didn’t read an article like this a week ago. I lost my job on Monday – no notice, no head’s up. At this point, the gifts are wrapped so what more can I do? To all those with jobs, just be careful.
December 3, 2008 at 6:50 pm
I find that this year more people are having the type of Christmas we have been having for years. They are “cutting back” and we are staying the same. We only buy for the kids and the kids pick names. I have 4 kids so I have to buy 4 kid presents for my side and 4 kids presents for his. We get his parents’ a newspaper subscription ($35) and spend $50 on mine. Our kids are used to a small Christmas so they won’t notice this year that everyone is cutting back. We bake for the neighbours, get gift cards for the teachers ($10each) and dh gives $20 to a group gift for his boss. That is it – that is our Christmas list! No siblings, no cousins, no aunts that don’t need another pot holder. We gave that stuff up years ago. We have more money this year so now that the kids are getting older I am going to get them to go buy gifts for the toy drive. Usually I pick up cheap gifts throughout the year for this cause but I want to get them involved. I really hope these “smaller” Christmases are a new tradition and not a fad.
December 3, 2008 at 7:27 pm
I love having lots of presents under the tree, so this year I budgeted accordingly
December 3, 2008 at 7:32 pm
Ah, this is my first stress free Christmas in a long time! After having a near nervous breakdown a couple weeks ago hubby and I have decided to make ourselves happy…lol.
We scaled down the budgets for people (my friends kids used to have about $20/kid, but there are 7 kids now, so its $10) We phoned dhs aunt and said ‘don’t buy for us, we aren’t buying for you, lets buy the kids better presents’.
Luckily, with the crashing economy we have found great sales. I have been to Michaels a ton of times with my 50% off coupons, picked up an MP4 player for 55% off… We are doing great with the sales, using any coupons we can find and cutting the fat… and I feel better about Christmas than I have in a long time.
December 3, 2008 at 9:11 pm
Being a family of shoppahilics, we don’t need anything. All of us are trying to clean up our homes and get rid of our unwanted stuff. So this year we decided not to get each other anything. Instead, my siblings and I are going to chip in and get my mom something she really needs (a new mattress) but is too cheap to get for herself.
December 3, 2008 at 9:46 pm
As a single parent of 3 who has taken 7years…yes, 7 to get back into a home and provide peace and tranquility for my children, insipte of their dad’s “efforts” to sabotage it …. I must share with all of you what our family has been doing for the past 20years; since my sibs and I started in our married lives. Our tradition became Christmas morning at my parents house with all of us! My sibs and elder nieces and nephews (once they become teens they’re out of the buying-for stage) all cook a huge Christmas breakfast *the teens help with their younger cousins. My mom takes care of the grocery list; that’s our Christmas present and we cook – I get eggs, my brother gets bacon, the other toast, the other coffee and so on…. there are about 30 of us now and the elder kids now bring their friends who don’t have traditions or we even invite single neighbours whose kids aren’t around or who might otherwise be alone. My dad passed away in 2003 on December 23rd and it was difficult for all of us but… we maintained our traditions and his chair was left empty as a reminder of what he’s taught all of us… about the importance of family and friends and making memories. It is a crazy, chaotic, wonderful start to Christmas day for all of us… it allows for us all to share the morning and early afternoon before heading to our own homes and in-laws or, in my case, making my own memories for Christmas dinner! |This tradition is one we have all grown to cherish and funny enough, the ‘friends’ who come the first year, come back year after year. Family traditions are important and making memories are free – let’s not lose sight and let’s pass a valuable gift on to our children; the gift of self.
Happy Holidays ‘friends’… happy memory making!
December 4, 2008 at 12:32 am
I’ve mentioned it before… but instead of me and my life long friends buying gifts for each other we book an evening all together (either at a nice restaurant or one of our homes as a potluck) and have an “unChristmas”! The focus is on catching up with each other as the group we were in school, no gifts allowed. It is so much fun, memorable and way more valuable than anything they could buy for me!
The friends that I have made through being a parent each participate in swapping a delicious recipe that the kids might like (with a sample sometimes!), baking or preserves. There is never any pressure to participate which makes it even better, its very casual.
Family is always a challenge! Name draws don’t work because too many of them are estranged from each other (and remarried). Kids only isn’t fair because many don’t have kids, so what to do? One year we did a ONE-gift-per-household Christmas. It was so terrific! My family got a neat basket filled with camping-friendly items that the whole family could use, and we gave a family car maintenance kit that had a chamoise, car soap, wax, bucket and plastic spray, etc… (they spend a LOT of time in their van)!
December 4, 2008 at 10:32 am
Thank you all for so many great tips for Christmas! Where I work right now, somebody has been getting let go for almost every shift I’ve worked in the last two weeks! Plus my significant other is starting a new job that leaves him paycheque-less between December 11th to January 2nd! Definitely a way to add stress to the holidays. My biggest holiday recommendations that have saved me so far are…
- Redeeming Card “Points”: I am probably never going to accumulate enough Air Miles points to ever actually use them for a trip, so instead I spent a small amount of them on Blockbuster Gift Certificates for my brothers.
- Dollarama!: This store has already saved me! Not only did I get cute popcorn buckets and candy to include in my brothers’ “Movie Night on Me” packages, I also got stockings, wrapping paper, and all kinds of stuff to help out around the holidays. You can also get great stocking stuffers like boxes of candy, picture frames, colouring books, almost anything!!
- Making Coupons: My boyfriend knows I HATE doing the dishes, and I usually ask him to do them for me. I am making a coupon to promise to do all of the dishes through January
- Making Mixed CDs: My Mom asks for these every year, and for some reason I still think that I should spend buckets of money on presents that she didn’t even ask for. This year I am taking her request to heart!
- Baking: I borrowed one of my favourite cookie books from the library, and I plan to make a couple batches of cookies for friends and co-workers, so I don’t have to buy individual gifts for everyone. Dollarama sells Christmas tins I could use to give them in!
My birthday also falls on December 20th, and since I know everyone is in the same boat I am, I have officially moved my birthday to January! And I don’t want any presents this year–only for people to come out and enjoy a birthday dinner with me, and a restaurant we all love.
December 4, 2008 at 11:01 am
This year, due to a new baby and new house, we are baking gifts for everyone. Our weekly grocery budget is $150 (including $50 of formula) but since we make everything but ice cream from scratch and buy no junk food at all, it costs us next to nothing to bake Christmas goodies. We’ve been making at least a batch of desserts every weekend since October and freezing, and picked up little Christmas take out containers for about $1.50 each. This is working out well so far, wish us luck! Last year was a $20.00 price limit on each gift, one per person, which was also perfect!
Over the years I’ve also made personalized mix CDs, a personalized ornament with a written card of what that person meant to me, and once a small craft each from a craft fair or bizarr.
December 4, 2008 at 12:44 pm
Here’s a tip, find all the loose change, u will b amazed at how much is lying around the house, on sidetables, sideboards, bottom of all yr pures, in the car. I gathered up all the loose change along with the loose change “piggy bank” v use n netted almost a $170.00. So that takes care of hubby n one child+. Also v put a bunch of stuff on Craigslist/Ebay which has netted $80.00 so far. So christmas is paid for. Still a tonne of “stuff” left to go. So hopefully next year’s christmas money will b “found” soon as well.
V r exchanging 1 gift each($100.00 or less) n 2 gift cards per child(max $50.00). I picked up a second hand golf set for $90.00 (which turned out to be brand new and branded to boot) and bought him a Purdy’s gift card for $10.00. Both my teens r getting $25.00 x 2 gift cards .These I got at the Children’s Heart Connection(for families with kids who have a heart condition) silent auction. They get the cards as donations, so any amt they receive for them is goodnormally bidding starts at 50% value. So I got a $20.00 Wendy’s gift card for $16.00, a Blockbuster $10.00 card for $7.00, Chapters $30.00 for $27.00. This way I get the gift cards I need and help a worthy charity as well. For the little one that amt (cash) got him 6 toys, (ain’t life grand) at a recent Toys r us sale. My husband has some stuff of his on Craiglist, if he manages to sell only then will he buy a gift for me otherwise he will make a coupon book for me for housework – which I am really looking forward to!!!!
My only indulgence ( n I feel so guilty )so far has been a $25.00 Red Robins gift certificate which I picked up for $21.00 for hubby n me to have a night out during the christmas season.
December 4, 2008 at 9:41 pm
To Jennifer…you my never see this but I told my in-laws out right to stop buying so many gifts (I asked the hubby to do it but he chickened out), not just for Christmas but at Halloween, Valentine’s Day Easter etc. They were really pi**ed so now my kids get almost nothing compared to the other 2 grandkids (last year, they got 2 little presents, re-gifted items for sure, totally not age appropriate, when the other “favourite” grandchildren got tons of stuff) I don’t regret what I said, the true meaning of the holiday is much more important to me that the comercialism of it all and that is what is most important to me to teach my kids. P.S. This grandma and my hubby’s neice and nephew’s other grandma always try and outdo each other, so buy the age of six, each child had a tv and dvd player in their bedroom! Just nuts!!
December 4, 2008 at 10:20 pm
Wow, Eileen, I think you did the right thing. I actually feel sorry for the grandchildren who are that spoiled because it will set up expectations in the future for a lifestyle that is unrealistic and unachievable. Many people on Gail’s shows are just the types who have been told that they deserve whatever they want, and that “stuff” equals love and success. Your children may miss out on presents, but they will have the right values which will last their entire lives, and won’t judge their self-worth on money and materialistic junk.
We are scaling back this Xmas. Homemade gifts between the sis and I, and we are also doing a joint-gift to my parents, which will mainly consist of homemade gifts too. Once I got thinking about it, the opportunities are endless for thoughtful and exciting homemade presents.
My Dad had the right idea when we were growing up. My mom thought it was necessary to shower the kids with presents, but my Dad made us coupons – coupons we could use to spend time with him. The coupons included choices for fun activities – like ice skating, going to the Children’s Museum, having breakfast together, etc. Since I am a twin, getting one-on-one time alone with a busy Dad was the best gift ever! I don’t remember the presents I was given as a child but I’ll never forget those coupons!
December 5, 2008 at 3:08 pm
Saver Queen – what a sweet idea your Dad had! I think cupons to your children is a wonderful idea.
I cherish the time I spent with my dad too just roaming around the parks or visiting with family friends.
December 7, 2008 at 10:42 am
@ Jennifer…
This may be too wicked family-politics wise, but how about re-gifting some of those tons of presents to kids in you area that are not so fortunate? Maybe your kids could choose the few things they want to keep and go with you to donate the rest. It doesn’t matter if it gets done after Christmas – charities will take donations any time. Especially ones for young mothers and children. Then they can send a lovely thank you letter to the grands explaining which items they kept and which went to making less fortunate kids happy. They can include the website or details of the charity and maybe even suggest the next holiday some gifts go straight there. All parties will learn a valuable lesson…
December 7, 2008 at 11:26 am
Oh also, we all talk about the giving, but on the flip side…
In the past my grandparents in law have always wanted to give me and hubby gifts, I know they can’t afford much, and really, a $20 Indigo card, while absolutely appreciated, is not really necessary. This year I found out I am to get a crochet blanket. My GIL is an absolute genius with knitting and crochet, her pieces are works of art and I know she enjoys making them as well. How can anything from a store, for any price, compare to a gift like this? When we give something we made, the value to the person getting it, in my opinion is massive.
August 4, 2010 at 3:43 am
Nice piece of writing. I happened upon your website and needed to convey that I have genuinely appreciated reading your blog page posts. Anyway I’ll be signing up to your RSS.