Good question Gail. Speaking only from my own experience here is that all those “moms & tots” groups designed to create those early community connections, all happened during the day when my own child was small, while I was off busting a hump at full time paid employment! In the evenings, in addition to actually parenting, I’m flying solo in the “the dirty 4 dance”- dinner, dishes, laundry, groceries. Chores that MUST be constantly managed just to survive the next day. By 10pm, I’m begging to crawl into bed most days.

Doesn’t leave much time for creating networks as a single parent, unless you have a hands free cordless phone like I do, so I can at least talk to my girlfriends (my own very dear sanity savers) while I’m washing those aforementioned dishes. The disconnection to my childless friends came when they just didn’t have a clue about what really goes into raising adults,, which did put a natural social limit on that network.

(BTW-I don’t see motherhood as raising a child, but rather helping a child grow up to be a happy, healthy, independent adult. It helps to keep me focused on the big picture when I’m doing dirty 4 dance).

When I was a nursing mom, I know for sure I personally offended every aging member of the family, just for nursing my child in their presence. (For more one this, google the article I wrote called “Motherhood, Feminism and the Graveyard of Unwearable Bras” at http://www.hipmama.com) So it’s not a far stretch to realise why I wasn’t about to call on them to babysit after such a cool parenting reception.

Interestingly, my own greatest early parenting network resource was the plethora of private music students I already had that were teenagers. All of them were the high academic, over achiever types to begin with, most with life guard qualifications to boot. They made wonderful, reliable, paid child care providers, some who forged their own bonds with my son.

And as for Michelle’s last comments on this topic, for the record, I’m not at all complaining about being a single parent. Rather, I was just pointing out that this particular lifestyle that I’ve actually chosen and prefer requires it’s own customized financial advice. So thank you, but I’m not about to start shopping around for “a great and wonderful spouse/ mate/ partner” as a pat solution to my personal financial challenges!

Maybe what’s needed here Gail is to talk the broadcaster and the producer into doing a second show entirely, following the same format as ” ‘Til Debt Do Us Part”, but call it “Single and Broke”! Instead of a “Relationship Rescue” challenge, you could have a “Create a social safety net” challenge. As a loyal fan, I’d be happy to help sell the show concept LOL!

I am single so although I don’t have anyone else depending on me I still have to be extremely carefull to leave room to breath in my budget in case I have a bad month in terms of bills. The whole point of the show is no matter how much you make you need to spend less than you bring home every month. It is about facing your personal financial situation (what ever that may be) and not living in la la land and assuming the money fairy will show up one day to pay all of your bills.

Difference is, regardless of circumstance that makes a parent a “single” parent–complaining you’re a single parent can only go so far. Of course it’s financially harder.
But,
no one’s stopping you from finding a great and wonderful spouse/mate/partner to date and marry. If you want another parent in the house to help you out, then do something about it.
Your current situation as a single parent doesn’t mean it’s a life-sentence. Pick up the pieces and move on. You’re worth it, and your kids are worth it!

“for a world full of people, you’d think we’d be better at creating the networks we need, be it as singles or joints, to ensure we could stop and take a breathe when we needed to. So many connections come without a sense of trust or sharing.”

I love that on episode 55, you encouraged a couple (Favel and Twain) to build a network with friends with whom they could trust to babysit. That really speaks to your point. On my blog recently I wrote an entry about sharing and bartering with friends and that prompted one friend to offer her professional make-up artistry skills in exchange for babysitting. It’s made me think about how much easier things could be for us all if we just worked together. Today I was in the grocery store and handed a $2-off coupon to a couple when I noticed they were buying the very products I had oodles of coupons for. In exchange, the woman voluntarily helped me pack my groceries into my cart (without being asked). All of a sudden I realized how much more open and easier our world could become just by offering, asking, and sharing.

I will say, however, that as a single income provider in my family, which I have been at least three times, that sense of self reliance is something that takes a person’s breath away regardless of whether you have a partner or not. I know how hard it is to be the sole provider and have everyone count on you.

I know single sole-providers who have a network of family and friends that keeps them stable. I also know people who are the sole providers within a partnership who get little or no support from their partners and do not have that external network to call upon. They are left to do everything on their own. Ultimately when these relationships end, the “managing” partner has a huge sense of relief.

Ya know, for a world full of people, you’d think we’d be better at creating the networks we need, be it as singles or joints, to ensure we could stop and take a breathe when we needed to. So many connections come without a sense of trust or sharing. Whazzup with that?

We’re all working toward being as $mart & $avy as Gail.