This and That
Posted by John Draper | Filed under Budgets, Money Management, Take Control, This & That
First off, the Your Story, Getting to Debt Free pages are up and the first story has been posted. And while Emma was quick off the mark with her story, no one else has sent me one since. Get busy people. To get to the page, you can start on my home page or from my blog. The instructions for how to use the pages are in the top right corner under Telling Your Story.
I’ve been getting a lot of questions and comments recently about the need for me to do stuff for single people and parents without partners. I’m just curious as to why people think being single or a sole parent is any different than being partnered. Is it because there’s the perception that there’s loads more money available? What about all those traditional families where there’s only one income earner? No more money, just more mouths to feed.
The reality is that success with money has very little to do with how many people are bringing home the bacon. It’s more about how the money coming in is spent, saved and managed. Whether there’s one income-earner or two, having a budget, prioritizing and keeping track spending, and building a safety net applies. Yes, it can be harder when you are a sole parent and sole provider, but that’s life. Sometimes it sucks. But it isn’t any different from people who are partnered and having a crappy experience, and believe me, there are plenty of those. If you want to make your money work for you, you need a plan. You start with a budget and then you go from there. The budget is the foundation on which you build. Gail’s Budget Worksheet on the site that will let you plan what you do with your money, pour the amounts you should have into the jars and show you your percentages.
Speaking of the budget, people are also always writing me to find out how to apportion the money in their jars. They’ve seen the jars on TV, but haven’t taken the time to explore the website, so don’t know about the budget worksheet. Hey, I’ve provided the tools on the site, now those who need them must use them. So a little initiative, people, please.
Another question I get quite often is about what to do with money left in the jars at the end of the month. Some of those jars are meant to accumulate. Let’s face it, if you have $25 a month for clothes, then it may take a few months before you have enough to buy your kid’s new snowsuit. Ditto transportation, in which you accumulate your car repair money. Grocery money, too, should sit there for a while since there are big cost items (think laundry and cleaning supplies) that have to be replaced on a less frequent basis. (BTW if you’re eating in restaurants, that’s coming out of the food/personal care jar.) If you have money left over in the entertainment jar, either you’ve budgeted too much, or you’re not having any fun. Fix that. And the Other jar… ah yes, the Other jar. People have no idea what goes into this jar. It’s everything that’s variable that’s not in the first four jars so it may include kids’ allowances, pets, medical, and banking if you have money allocated in those categories. (I know, the banking money should stay in the bank, but it’s a variable cost and I had to put it somewhere! Just put it back in the bank.)
If after six months you have a lot of money left in the jars that you’re simply not going to spend, leave enough of a float in the jars to cover unusual expenses and by all means slap the rest against your debt (first choice) or into your savings. You should also revamp your budget numbers so that they reflect your lower-than-your-thought spending.
If you write me a question and I don’t respond, one reason may be that I’ve answered a similar question before. Check the Your Questions section. Also read the articles and the past blogs. Financial institutions have for years tried to convince me (as their resource) that their clients are pretty simple and must be spoon-fed, which is why so much of their material is basic and light. I’ve tried to convince them that their clients are smart and need more meat. All the people who won’t take the time to do some research on the site are proving me WRONG.
As for all the people who write to ask if I’ll do a private consultation, the answer is still no. It’s a time thing. You might be surprised at the number of people who ask this question. I get 15 or so requests a week. People are desperate for help. I know that y’all are. And I wish I could be everywhere, but I simply can’t. So that’s why I created the site. There are tools available and lots of advice. Now you just have to put your butts in gear.
There are people who want to do what I do and ask how I got into this. It was a very round about process, so I’m afraid I can’t help you there either. The best I can suggest is that you find an institution that you think shares your values, join up, and learn from them.
I’ve had one or two people object to my language, my attitude and my approach to working with people. If you don’t like me, that’s okay. Not everyone will. Just ignore me then. I don’t expect to be everyone’s cup of tea.
And finally, my response to this:
Oprah has had Suze Orman on a couple of times in the last month. She recommends having 6-8 months of living expenses saved up as an emergency fund. You tell people to put $100 a month. Is Suze being extreme?
I often get misquoted because some of the things I say are taken out of context. I, too, believe that you should have a healthy stash of cash available for emergencies. My rule of thumb is to have six months’ worth of Essential Expenses at the ready. I never tell people to put away $100 a month as a rule. However, that’s often where I start my fams off on the show, to get them in the rhythm of saving for emergencies.
People, money management requires that you do more than grab at a snippet here and there. You must make the commitment to learning about how money works and how to make it work for you. And while different “experts” have different amounts or percentages that they use as their rule of thumb, those are less important than the actual planning they are suggesting that you do. So if Suze says eight months and I say six, that’s way less important than the main message, which is “have an emergency fund.” And if Dave Ramsey says pay of your smallest debt first and I say pay off your most expensive debt first, that’s less important than the main message, which is “pay off your ficken debt!”
When you get caught up in the details, arguing one person’s strategy over another’s you’re participating in obfuscation. You’re focusing on the stupid little details so you can avoid the big message. The investment world has long used this device to keep people in the dark, presenting myriad messages that have only served to confuse Joe and Joanna Average about what to do. Don’t get caught up in this.
You have a brain. Use it. Listen to what the experts say, apply it to YOUR life, and make it work for YOU. We speak in generalities because we must. But you’re living your SPECIFIC life, and you should make a plan that works for YOU.
If there’s one thing that makes my fams successful, it’s that they have a plan that’s specific to their individual needs and that they can build on. When I leave, I give them their budgets and debt repayment plans, point them to my website and tell them to keep the thing alive by reviewing it at least a couple of times a year. We change. Our circumstances change. So should our money plans.
Bookmark: del.icio.us Digg StumbleUpon
October 24, 2008 at 7:40 am
Gail
I LOVE your language, attitude and approach. We need someone who straight talks and does not pussy foot around. Keep it up and thanks.
Love Ya.
October 24, 2008 at 8:02 am
I also love your attitude and language, Gail. Please do not change a thing!
October 24, 2008 at 9:12 am
You’re the best Gail! Lovin’ all that you have to offer the world. Although I thought I already had some good financial management skills, you’ve honed my knowledge like a scapel used by a surgeon.
You’ve got some great tools on this blog and on your site. People, stop being so lazy and do some homework!!!!
“Pay off your frickin’ debt!” LOL You go Gail.
October 24, 2008 at 9:13 am
Gail
You tell it like it is and I love that about you. Some people just can’t handle the truth. Have a plan and work that plan. Don’t make excuses about the little details that deter you from working your plan. There’s an old Japanese Proverb “Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare”.
October 24, 2008 at 9:29 am
I had read many, many books on getting out of debt but their words never really clicked. Then along came Gail. A sassy attitude with simple straightforward, easy-to-follow advice gave me the start I needed. People need to stop worrying about the small stuff (correct amount in jars, single or one parent) and just get on with it – this comes from someone who is a perfectionist and has trouble doing things in case they are not perfect. The sooner you start, the sooner you’ll be out of debt.
October 24, 2008 at 9:37 am
Gail,
Everyone needs to hear and embrace the idea of personal responsibility. One could argue that the financial crisis the world is now mired in has a lot to do with people foolishly taking on debt they couldn’t afford because they didn’t do their homework and crunch THEIR numbers and ask themselves honestly if they could actually afford that mortgage/car/latest toy. And now everyone is paying for that foolishness, even those of us who went without until we could afford things sensibly. I don’t mean to sound like a martyr or like the whole financial crisis was a simple matter of living within our means, but I am out of patience with the greed and self-entitlement, followed by the snivelling and whining, of those who don’t want to accept any responsibility for their actions.
You dish out some straight talk, Gail. It’s overdue for society in general, and you do add your own special spice to it! Why do you think we love your show so much?
October 24, 2008 at 9:42 am
Bravo! Well said Gail — as always!
October 24, 2008 at 9:45 am
I so love the way you lay everything out just the way you see it… if people don’t like what you have to say then they just don’t have to listen.. but it would be their loss! Thank you for all your wonderful advice and straight talk. Listening to you and getting that virtual kick in the butt a year ago is one of the reasons I am 6 months from being debt free!!
Thankyou so much Gail – have a great weekend
October 24, 2008 at 10:15 am
You are so right Gail! I have been quietly reading your blog daily and visiting the “Have Your Say” section for months now without commenting and am amazed at some of the questions people ask that they can answer themselves just by browsing your website. It’s an awesome sight with all the information and tools anyone could possibly need to get their financial life in order. You are a “tell it like it is” person and sometimes that’s what people need to send them in the right direction. I will always be a fan of your bluntness. Keep up the good work!!
October 24, 2008 at 10:30 am
No nonsense.
I love it.
I have looked all over “Your Questions” & wondered if you could answer a question for me. I’m curious as to why the couples on your show are given $$ at the end of their 4 weeks.
It seems as though you’ve spent 4 weeks telling them “It’s not about the money” and then Voila — a cheque. Just curious.
Best,
Christy
October 24, 2008 at 10:30 am
i’m with angie…i often wonder do some people not even look at your site before posting questions?
i love your blog and website and refer everyone to it.
October 24, 2008 at 10:35 am
Hi Gail,
I’m commenting specifically on this section of your blog: “Whether there’s one income-earner or two, having a budget, prioritizing and keeping track spending, and building a safety net applies. Yes, it can be harder when you are a sole parent and sole provider, but that’s life. Sometimes it sucks. But it isn’t any different from people who are partnered and having a crappy experience, and believe me, there are plenty of those.”
While I would agree with you that the some of keys to financial success are indeed having a budget, tracking spending and building a safety net no matter what your situation, I just have to say on behalf of all the hard working single moms out there, that there is a SUBSTANTIAL financial difference to being in a single adult with a single income family, compared to being in a double adult, with a single OR double income family.
Now I’ve been married with kids in a blended family, and I’ve been single with my own kid. So let me be clear. While I wouldn’t trade being HAPPY and single for married and MISERABLE for all the money in Christendom, the dynamics, range of choices, and financial reality involved in raising a young family are COMPLETELY different when you are a sole adult family with a single income, compared to a 2 adult family. You just need to do a quick cyber finger waltz step over to Stats Can and CBC to get a bleak little reality check on this issue: http://www.statcan.ca/Daily/English/080505/d080505a.htm
and
http://www.cbc.ca/canada/toronto/story/2007/09/12/census-toronto.html
When you are the single adult in a single income family, there is an unforgiving, forced self reliance that happens when there is no one else in the household who can pick up the slack on the child care and/or just go out and earn extra money when unexpected situations like illness, job loss, or lack of day care suddenly come up. The safety net every single financial analyst harps on and on about is considerably more strained in a sole adult family, and when life leans on it just a little bit too much, the safety net can and does break, and the recovery back up from that fall takes longer, and is harder to mitigate.
Not that I’m saying that forced self reliance is such a bad thing either. I LOVE the fact that I have no one holding me back from my dreams, nor do I have any one else to blame when it all ends up in toilet. My point that I’m trying to make here Gail is that you are missing out on connecting to a SIGNIFICANT audience market (1 in 4 Toronto families to be exact) by not gearing a proportionate amount of your shows to tailoring your fantastic financial savvy specifically for the challenges that come with a single parent with a single income family.
Bottom line is that I just think that that the scope of your show embedded into the title has the potential to evolve to reach a much wider audience. That’s a complement by the way.
October 24, 2008 at 10:43 am
Loved this blog Gail (as always). I agree that it is not about if there are two bread winners or one… it is as you say, about how money is spent. I remember being in my early 20’s living on my own making minimum wage. I had MORE disposable income THEN, than I do right now at 34 making close to a six figure salary. So, I have learned that it is not about the money coming in, it is about what you do with the money when it comes in.
Don’t ever change Gail, you rock!
October 24, 2008 at 11:11 am
Gail…another great post. I loved how you addressed the other expects advise vs yours. People, you have to think…take all the information, find the common denominator and DO SOMETHING. DH & I find our budget we formulated from your worksheet is bang on. We are watching our debt decrease, our stress diminish, our lifestyle improve thanks to getting back to what is important. Our emergency fund is there, increasing every payday and making decent interest. We have weekly money meetings and it’s exciting…planning the future. We are doing it!!!!
Your advice WORKS! Thanks for everything.
October 24, 2008 at 11:18 am
Christy, the reason people get money at the end of the show is because that’s part of the show’s format. That’s decided between the broadcaster and the producer. Most shows provide their participants with some sort of incentive. Making the show takes a huge amount of time. The difference is that it’s transparent in the other shows … the audience never sees it … and it’s guaranteed to the participants. On our show it’s up-front and centre and nothin’s guaranteed! g
October 24, 2008 at 11:23 am
Hi Gail!
Just wanted to say I love your show as well as your usual attitude. I did find, however, that when you called the husband a couple episodes back a “d**k-wad” it was the first time I felt you had been dis-respectful towards a person on the show. I don’t know that name calling was entirely appropriate, but I know they appreciated all the help you gave them in the end. Keep up the good work, I’m still a big fan.
October 24, 2008 at 11:40 am
U’r webite is a great tool, if one makes the effort. The reason why people want to b spoon fed? So they have someone to blame when things don’t go exactly as planned/envisioned.
Would love to share my story tho’ its only been 2 mnths n I’m several years from being debt free but I certainly sleep better knowing the wheels have been set in motion. Thanks for yr straight talk that keeps us going.
October 24, 2008 at 11:52 am
I’ve wondered through this season and the last whether the producers were presenting us with a more aggressive, animated Gail, or whether they’re just letting us see more of the “real” Gail — and I choose to believe it’s the latter. The language and passion we see on the blog is more in line with the “smarten the f up” and “get a clue, d*ckwad” (not direct quotes, obviously) attitude that’s been emerging on the show in the past 14 or 15 episodes. I like it. I think it makes the show.
People who’re in this much of a mess don’t need coddling and unqualified attaboys. At least not to start. That’s why I appreciate Dr. Phil and Dave Ramsey from time to time. They’re sweet and gentle when it’s called for, but they’ll be harsh as is necessary to shake people from their denial. Same deal with What Not To Wear.
In Gail, we have good cop and bad cop all in one. Tear ‘em down, build ‘em up.
I just submited a question for Gail in the, whatsitcalled, Ask Gail section…. and took the time to read through all the Q&A. There’s a ton of info there, but not so much that you can’t skim it all in one sitting.
October 24, 2008 at 12:02 pm
Being in a partnership has made my life better, because we’re in love, and easier, because we work together, but I actually think managing money was simpler when I was single, because I only had one income and one person to think about. I didn’t have to juggle multiple accounts, spending habits, expenses or debts. I didn’t have to think about anyone else’s wants – It was more straight forward.
Gail, I am going to write a story on the “your story” page soon! thanks for the reminder. And may I just say again that I love your show and your blog and all things Gail!
October 24, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Samantha, Gail’s “d**kwad” comment was appropriate – surprising, but appropriate. Just wreckless use of money. She needed to be a bit more “aggressive” and blunt to get her message across.
October 24, 2008 at 3:23 pm
hehe my husband and I peed our pants when we were watching the “d**kwad” show.
October 24, 2008 at 3:40 pm
Brilliant post.
We’re all working toward being as $mart & $avy as Gail.
October 24, 2008 at 5:33 pm
I love you Gail…don’t change a thing! My sister got me hooked on you, now I have my husband hooked. We have no debt but our mortgage and I was already fairly money conscience before I found you (I’m Dutch…enough said) but I use what you say to spend less frivolously
now that we have a baby and toddler to be responsible for. Keep up the great work!
October 24, 2008 at 11:31 pm
haha, I’m Dutch too, Arlene!
October 24, 2008 at 11:38 pm
hey im dutch too. Small world.
October 25, 2008 at 11:51 am
Great post! I think it is often different for singles because they have to pay childcare out of 1 income vs. either having 1 income and free childcare (i.e. mum is at home) or 2 incomes and childcare. As a result, for most (not all as there are wealthy singles and singles who get high child support) there is much less disposable income. Therefore, as a single who ended up parenting several children who couldn’t stay in their family, it was a real learning curve for me! Having 1 income which has to pay mortgage, bills, childcare plus pension, savings, vacations (when possible) was so different to my friends who could pretty much pay all the bills from 1 income and the extras from the other!
October 25, 2008 at 12:33 pm
I love your language Gail…don’t change or tone it down at all! I laughed out loud when on a recent episode you called the husband a “dickwad” ha ha I absolutely loved it. Keep up the great work. Finally after trying to juggle a one-sided budget, I have my partner on board and we’re on the way to being debt free. thank you, thank you!
October 25, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Smart Single Mama, I take your point, and accept the complement. The show, unfortunately, is not mine to direct. The format is pre-arranged between broadcaster and producer.
I will say, however, that as a single income provider in my family, which I have been at least three times, that sense of self reliance is something that takes a person’s breath away regardless of whether you have a partner or not. I know how hard it is to be the sole provider and have everyone count on you.
I know single sole-providers who have a network of family and friends that keeps them stable. I also know people who are the sole providers within a partnership who get little or no support from their partners and do not have that external network to call upon. They are left to do everything on their own. Ultimately when these relationships end, the “managing” partner has a huge sense of relief.
Ya know, for a world full of people, you’d think we’d be better at creating the networks we need, be it as singles or joints, to ensure we could stop and take a breathe when we needed to. So many connections come without a sense of trust or sharing. Whazzup with that?
October 25, 2008 at 5:26 pm
Fascintating conversation, everyone. Gail, your last point is SO important:
“for a world full of people, you’d think we’d be better at creating the networks we need, be it as singles or joints, to ensure we could stop and take a breathe when we needed to. So many connections come without a sense of trust or sharing.”
I love that on episode 55, you encouraged a couple (Favel and Twain) to build a network with friends with whom they could trust to babysit. That really speaks to your point. On my blog recently I wrote an entry about sharing and bartering with friends and that prompted one friend to offer her professional make-up artistry skills in exchange for babysitting. It’s made me think about how much easier things could be for us all if we just worked together. Today I was in the grocery store and handed a $2-off coupon to a couple when I noticed they were buying the very products I had oodles of coupons for. In exchange, the woman voluntarily helped me pack my groceries into my cart (without being asked). All of a sudden I realized how much more open and easier our world could become just by offering, asking, and sharing.
October 25, 2008 at 9:06 pm
i’d just like to point out that whether you are a single income earner or their are 2 income earners in the house, if all you have to do is take care of yourselves (childless) then i would agree that there is no or little difference when it comes to the budget.
but when you throw kids in the mix, 2 adults in a house has got to be easier than one. there is no way that when a single moms kids gets the flu and has to take 3 days off work, that she feels that hit the same as when one partner of 2 has to stay home with their kids while the other continues to make money. single moms are my heros and they have to work a hell of a lot harder at most things when it comes to finances that 2 people working together in a relationship. i have not had to provide for my child by myself but the budget would sure be a lot tighter if i did!
October 25, 2008 at 11:22 pm
Interesting turn in the comments. I was a single mom once upon a time before I married my husband. So I’ve seen and can relate to both sides.
Difference is, regardless of circumstance that makes a parent a “single” parent–complaining you’re a single parent can only go so far. Of course it’s financially harder.
But,
no one’s stopping you from finding a great and wonderful spouse/mate/partner to date and marry. If you want another parent in the house to help you out, then do something about it.
Your current situation as a single parent doesn’t mean it’s a life-sentence. Pick up the pieces and move on. You’re worth it, and your kids are worth it!
October 26, 2008 at 3:58 am
I love the budget worksheet, but thought it was unfortunate that it couldn’t be saved to my computer. So I sat down one afternoon and figured out the math and created a spreadsheet so I could save my numbers and fiddle with my budget as I had time. I did this before I went house hunting to be sure I could afford what I thought I could afford for payments each month. I asked around the neighborhood I was looking in for average utility costs. I added additional items to the budget to reflect my personal financial situation.
I am single so although I don’t have anyone else depending on me I still have to be extremely carefull to leave room to breath in my budget in case I have a bad month in terms of bills. The whole point of the show is no matter how much you make you need to spend less than you bring home every month. It is about facing your personal financial situation (what ever that may be) and not living in la la land and assuming the money fairy will show up one day to pay all of your bills.
October 26, 2008 at 10:41 am
Reply to admin:
Yes, I hear you on your last comment “Ya know, for a world full of people, you’d think we’d be better at creating the networks we need, be it as singles or joints, to ensure we could stop and take a breathe when we needed to. So many connections come without a sense of trust or sharing. Whazzup with that?”
Good question Gail. Speaking only from my own experience here is that all those “moms & tots” groups designed to create those early community connections, all happened during the day when my own child was small, while I was off busting a hump at full time paid employment! In the evenings, in addition to actually parenting, I’m flying solo in the “the dirty 4 dance”- dinner, dishes, laundry, groceries. Chores that MUST be constantly managed just to survive the next day. By 10pm, I’m begging to crawl into bed most days.
Doesn’t leave much time for creating networks as a single parent, unless you have a hands free cordless phone like I do, so I can at least talk to my girlfriends (my own very dear sanity savers) while I’m washing those aforementioned dishes. The disconnection to my childless friends came when they just didn’t have a clue about what really goes into raising adults,, which did put a natural social limit on that network.
(BTW-I don’t see motherhood as raising a child, but rather helping a child grow up to be a happy, healthy, independent adult. It helps to keep me focused on the big picture when I’m doing dirty 4 dance).
When I was a nursing mom, I know for sure I personally offended every aging member of the family, just for nursing my child in their presence. (For more one this, google the article I wrote called “Motherhood, Feminism and the Graveyard of Unwearable Bras” at http://www.hipmama.com) So it’s not a far stretch to realise why I wasn’t about to call on them to babysit after such a cool parenting reception.
Interestingly, my own greatest early parenting network resource was the plethora of private music students I already had that were teenagers. All of them were the high academic, over achiever types to begin with, most with life guard qualifications to boot. They made wonderful, reliable, paid child care providers, some who forged their own bonds with my son.
And as for Michelle’s last comments on this topic, for the record, I’m not at all complaining about being a single parent. Rather, I was just pointing out that this particular lifestyle that I’ve actually chosen and prefer requires it’s own customized financial advice. So thank you, but I’m not about to start shopping around for “a great and wonderful spouse/ mate/ partner” as a pat solution to my personal financial challenges!
Maybe what’s needed here Gail is to talk the broadcaster and the producer into doing a second show entirely, following the same format as ” ‘Til Debt Do Us Part”, but call it “Single and Broke”! Instead of a “Relationship Rescue” challenge, you could have a “Create a social safety net” challenge. As a loyal fan, I’d be happy to help sell the show concept LOL!
October 26, 2008 at 6:51 pm
smart single mama- sorry you had such a sucky breastfeeding cold shoulder experience. my boobs saw a lot of light in those days, so what can you do? not much i guess…
i am fortunate enough to be home most days of the week and do go to the mommy network things, but the fact that myself and another woman procreated in roughly the same period of time does not make us BFF’s (or whatever the term is now a days) or make them suitable to watch my kid (although i’ve met some great ladies in the bunch). as adults, it’s not as easy as sharing your snack at recess and making a lifelong friend out of it. i find true support networks easier said then done, not that they can’t be done. just that it ain’t that easy to forge those trusting bonds over night (especially when you haven’t had a shower in a few days
and nothing is at night, when if you were planning on having a life, that’s when it would happen. no daycare (night care), babysitting on school nights etc.
October 26, 2008 at 11:59 pm
Hi Smart Single Mama-
Just wanted to let you know I wish you all the best and many, many blessings. I went from single mama of one to married stay-at-home mom of two. I didn’t “shop around” for love and happiness and I’m sorry you see it that way. I’m living my dreams right now and of course always looking for tips to stretch the dollar and grow the savings.
I wish you happiness, and all the blessings you could dream of!
December 2, 2009 at 6:46 am
(…) though not directly related to this topic, still gailvazoxlade.com is other must read source on this subject(…)