If you could have anything you wanted, what would it be?
Posted by Gail | Filed under Life Lessons
People often talk about the things they wish they had (just once, a new car), want to do (I’d love to paint), or wish could achieve (I’d love to go back to school for my degree) as if those things are far away and veiled in mist: dreams. And yet, so many of those things could be achieved if a body simply decided to make it so.
Alex and I have been talking a lot lately about the future and what she wants to achieve. We’ve talked about ambition and how it drives you. We’ve talked about following your bliss: doing what makes you happy.
During our conversation I said, “You know, I never really doubted that I’d have everything that I wanted.”
“Really,” she said. “How did you know that?”
“I dunno. I just knew. I believe with all my heart that you can have everything you want.”
“Just not all at the same time,” laughed my girl. Smart. Yup, sometimes you have to prioritize and make choices.
I also believe that the quality of your life is determined by what you think you have or don’t have. If you believe your life sucks and that nothing good will ever come your way, you create that reality for yourself. If you believe that even adversity brings opportunity – one door closes and another opens – then you’ll see the gift and be ready to greet it when it comes a’knocking.
Some people create a bucket list – a list of all the things they want to do before they die. I’m toying with the idea. I know I want to go to Africa – preferably somewhere with loads of animals and no strife. I know I want to teach little kids. And I think I’d like to run a guesthouse in a warm place where people could come and stay with me, tell me their stories, and share my tranquility and joy. But I don’t have one of those bucket lists with hundreds of things to do because when I want to do something I usually just find a way to do it.
Sometimes we want to do things we don’t have the knowledge or the skills to accomplish, or so we think. Hey, get yourself a mentor. I’m a big believer in finding a brain and sucking on it. (Do you have some alien-like picture in your head here. Ha!) You don’t even have to meet the person for them to have a profound impact on your life. I’d like to have dinner with Stephen Pinker and Howard Gardner one day. I’m not sure how likely that is to happen, but I think about it from time to time and smile just imagining all the smarts at the table. They have both had a profound impact on me through their writing, as have myriad other souls who shared their journeys and opened my eyes to things I never would have imagined.
Perhaps the biggest barrier to having what you really want is not know what that is, or not being able to figure out how important it really is to you. That might stem from the fact that you don’t really believe in yourself so you don’t see any point in clearly defining what it is you want. Whenever you look up, you can’t see the horizon for all the fences you’ve built around yourself: the good job, the demanding family, the big mortgage, the aging parents. Getting stuck in the routines we’ve become used to means we stagnate. Even if you just try something new — something small — you might find some of those fence rails coming down, clearing your way to a new challenge or a fresh perspective.
So back to you: If you could have anything you wanted, what would it be? What have you imagined your life would look like? And what are you doing to make real your pretty pictures?
August 27, 2010 at 7:54 am
To be able to carve time for myself on a daily basis and to for a peaceful walk.
It is extremely difficult when you have a 3 year old who is your shadow and wants to be wherever you are.
I sometimes just go for a walk during my lunchtime however it is not the same.
August 27, 2010 at 7:59 am
My reality is what it is so if I could have ANYthing I wanted they would be fantasy things…the kind of thing you really need magic for….my son’s autism would be cured…(he is severely autistic and non verbal…he has a few words but needs total care 100% of the time)…my husband would be the picture of health…completly cured of all ailments…but none of that is going to happen…so we make the best of what we have and find the happiness where we can, and focus on the reality and getting through…and we do what we can when we can to make even the slightest improvement…sometimes dreaming is a waste of energy…it is better spent making the reality a bit better or even tolerable…one day at a time…
p.s. still can’t vote on the poll…oh well, maybe next week will be better..lol..
August 27, 2010 at 8:01 am
Lyne, schedule the time like you would any other appointment and do it!…that IS doable and you are worth it!
August 27, 2010 at 8:07 am
1 million Dollars (Said with a Dr. Evil accent) of net worth. I know that sounds very money oriented but it is the way I think, Sure I won’t be super rich at that point and rather just well off, but I want to be well off and I’m working towards it.
independence is how I imagine my life, not being tied down to a job, having the ability to get up and go with the family to exotic places and see what the world has to offer.
I’m saving like I’ve never saved before to make both dreams happen.
August 27, 2010 at 8:11 am
Sparky,
I like your attitude. Don’t stop dreaming, though.
Have a great Friday.
August 27, 2010 at 8:21 am
Financial independence would be a big enabling factor – I’d love to be able to work not because I have to keep body and soul together, but because I love what I’m doing. I’m working towards that by slowly building what I think is a really interesting career, and by slowly paying off debt so that soon I won’t be beholden to anybody. A bit down the road I’d like to have built enough of a name for myself that I can consult – simply accept a few interesting contracts every year that will be fun to do and help my cashflow, and then spend lots of quality time with the hubby, travel, meet new friends and see new places, maybe go back to school (there’s about 5 degrees I’d like to do), volunteer, and just goof off! It’s a long term vision. Meanwhile, I want to learn to swim better, run faster, manage my time more effectively and I’m working actively on those.
August 27, 2010 at 8:29 am
If I could have anything I wanted….There are quite a few things I want that are not as yet achievable for me…but that doesn’t stop me from working towards them!
Things I want most:
To be able to negotiate with work the time to complete my degree
To be debt free (April 2012 here I come!!)
To have my own house with enough space for me, my partner, a couple of kids and all the “stuff” we tow with us
To be able to visit my friends in other countries and the enjoy traveling my country
Oh and a million dollars or two would be nice – one for retirement, one for living with now
All of these things are goals of mine. I can’t do them all right now but I am plugging away at my degree one course at a time and I am marching very deliberately to the April 2012 birthday of mine, upon which I’ll be debt free!! After that I can save for the house I want, the retirement I want and the trips I want to take. Gail is right – I can have everything I want, just not all at the same time!!
It’s a slower process when you don’t get a windfall of money or have the magical capabilities to conger up the deepest most desires of good health, or cures for things, but often the process to getting what you want is the best part about having what you want.
August 27, 2010 at 8:49 am
I think that Sparky has the right idea. Some dreams are impossible. It’s good to recognize what is achievable and what is not. And when what you’d wish for is just not achievable, it’s better to accept what is and just find ways to be happy within that. I actually just put up a recent blog post about this very point.
This year I’ve worked hard to make a couple of dreams come true, and they finally happened. One is a job that I love and that allows me to make a difference. The second is the ability to live comfortably within my means with an apartment that is nice but also affordable.
After busting my ass to have those two dreams come true I’m feeling like it’s time to let myself start dreaming again about other goals. I think my biggest goal this year will be to have more FUN!
I used to be a high achiever who was very hard on myself (still am, but less so) and was very idealistic. I mean, I literally thought I could do and achieve anything and it just wasn’t possible. So I’m skeptical when I see huge lists of lofty goals because I know the flip side of this – disappointment, loss of self-esteem, sense of failure, if they don’t all come true. I think it’s better, instead of making these huge lists of everything you could possibly want, to focus on a couple of important goals or dreams that you think are really valuable and important to you – and then go after them. And also find a way to be happy in the meantime.
Btw the blog post where I wrote about this was here: http://bit.ly/bIobtn
August 27, 2010 at 8:57 am
If I could have anything I wanted I would wish to be healthy and medication free.
August 27, 2010 at 9:31 am
My dream… I don’t know… many days I feel like I’m living it. We have some money in the bank, the ability to save for what we want, as Alex said though, “You can have it all, just not all at once.” I had a dream of a social life; my husband and I are such introverts, and we now have a campground we go to every weekend and bbq’s and dances and games every single weekend from May to September. My kids are happy. Yeah, I’d like to travel; it’s always been a dream of mine to travel to Australia with my mom, but, to be honest, it’s not the right time for us, so I’m not doing much to make it happen. I believe dreams can come true, so I’m content right now, because I know someday they will all happen. I have the job of my dreams. For me, it’s just realizing that life is pretty good, because sometimes I forget. There is one thing I really want though, which may be an impossibility, and that’s grass. Green grass. Covering our 2 acres. Sigh, that may just be a pipe dream though.
@ Sparky: I hear you. I have dreams of children that I’ve worked with one day just having a conversation with me… just staying positive and taking each day and each step is the way to go, but those dreams also continue to remind me of the person who is there in front of me, who is worth reaching and working for…
August 27, 2010 at 9:37 am
Considering I broke my wrist playing soccer last week, I think all I really want is to be physicaolly and mentally healthy. The rest I’ll either get or not get according to my efforts.
August 27, 2010 at 10:24 am
After my grandfather died, I remember my aunt looking around his house and saying how sad it was that he had all these unfinished projects (shelves he was building, stories that were half-finished, a cruise he had planned to take, etc). My mom said that we should take that as a wonderful sign that he had been living his life fully, and filled all his days with plans of new and exciting things to do. She has also been fond of saying that we should all have at least a few goals, dreams, and ambitions that we fail to achieve, because it shows that we’re actively engaged in imagining a life for ourselves that always a bit bigger and better.
I agree with both these things, which is why I, like Gail, believe that I can have all the things I want and decide to go after. My partner tells me that this makes me a very entitled person. I think it makes me awesome. Thanks for reinforcing my opinion, Gail!
August 27, 2010 at 10:37 am
What I really want – well I made a short term bucket list for this year, and a long term bucket list.
This year’s list has a deck, kayaking trips, walks with my children, and camping with my children. Then I made sure I scheduled all of those things in, and planned how and when they would happen. I am fulfilled, I am lucky and I am blessed.
August 27, 2010 at 10:39 am
To be totally in shape without exercise or watching my diet. Yeah, this is one dream that can’t come true
August 27, 2010 at 10:56 am
My dream for many years was to finish my Phd and find a job I loved in my field. I’ve had that job for almost 3 yrs now. Sometimes I’m troubled that I don’t have another big dream to shoot for, but it was a long slog to reach this one, and I’m really enjoying my life right now having acheived it. I am lucky to have so many great things going on: I get to do stimulating work that helps others, I am financially secure (still have goals in this area, but not stressed like in years past), I have a wonderful husband, family and friends, I get to do some of the fun stuff I enjoy (like singing in a chorus, volunteering with organizations I believe in) and I’m healthy. Most days I look around and wonder, what more could a girl ask for? There are lots of things I want to do, and I know I’ll get to them in time, so it’s not like I’m stuck, just content, I think.
When I read the title of the post the only thing I could think of that I really want is more time! I have such a full life, for which I’m grateful, but if I could have a few extra hours a day to spend time with the people I love, including my favourite kids, read more books, create more music, do more yoga, etc., boy, would that be amazing. I know, I know… you can have everything you want, just not all at once!
August 27, 2010 at 11:00 am
Love this post Gail!
I just read “Shift” by Peter Arnell… the idea of being authentic and honoring those dreams is a hot topic around our house lately! Great read if making dreams real has been nothing but a crap shoot for you.
Love the mentor comment as well, I don’t believe enough people of a certain “vintage” share their knowledge as readily as you would think, especially in the workplace.
I personally have an awesome mentor, who in an email yesterday reminded me to keep sharing my ideas… “grey hair is a great sounding board!”
Have a fantastic weekend everyone!
August 27, 2010 at 11:01 am
The concept of the ‘bucket list’ was a hot topic in our family this week. Geoff, I commiserate with your broken wrist – I broke my ankle 10 weeks ago, and still have 2 1/2 weeks of air boot, and physio before I go back to work on reduced hours. I jokingly said that I was going to cross sky diving off my bucket list, as I am too much of a klutz. Lo and behold, my nephew’s sister-in-law won a package, lessons and jumps. Unfortunately, the day she went sky diving will likely be her last: a gust of wind hit her wrong while trying to land. She is now in hospital for about 3 months with a broken pelvis, femur and ankle – and a less than year old daughter at home!! On the flip side, she could have been killed, so I guess if sky diving is something you want to do, you could spend your golden years wishing you had tried. If I could do anything, I would take swimming lessons – at 53! I had planned on doing that this summer, till ankle breaking day. I would love to take my mom to France, back to where her father’s family farm is, but short of winning the lottery, it’s not likely to happen as she is already 75. But, this post gives me the incentive to check into what a plane ticket would actually cost. As there are still relatives over there, the only real cost would be a flight. Great, Way to Go Gail, now look what you started, lol…..
August 27, 2010 at 11:04 am
PS
I want vacations… lots and lots of vacations
August 27, 2010 at 11:11 am
My dreams seem to change from time to time, but right now I’m dreaming of finishing school , getting married and teaching and living overseas in exotic countries.
I’m well on my way to finishing school, just completed my BA German and BA (Hon) Linguistics and have 18 months until I’m done my BEd. I found the man I want to marry, I just have to be patient really, and I’m already looking into programs that will let us teach overseas together. I’m very excited about the future, now to work on the being patient thing.
August 27, 2010 at 11:29 am
@jessie: thanks for your post ! It made me a little teary.
August 27, 2010 at 11:58 am
If I could have anything it would be to fast forward our retirement to now instead of 10 years from now. We’re on track to retire in 2020 at 56 & 59, but given a choice I rather start now! I have an arm long list of things I’d do with an extra 40+ hours a week – gardening, painting lessons, reading, visiting out of town relatives more often, getting involved at my daughter’s school, and of course travelling.
Oddly, the other thing I’d like is less. Less house, less cars, less of all our possesions in general. I would love to downsize massively, but we are a family of 4 and I’ve been outvoted on all fronts. I am agressively clearing clutter beginning with my own and switching to communal stuff when nobody’s looking, but an actual major change to our lifestyle has met with total resistance.
I dream of a tiny house within walking or biking distance of everything, and travelling during the winter when it would be nasty to get around without a car.
August 27, 2010 at 12:50 pm
I recently started a ‘bucket list’ that has an end date:
http://www.dayzeroproject.com
101 things to complete in 1001 days (2.75 years). I put some things on it that I’ve been putting off as well as some things to challenge myself to reach goals that looked out of reach.
Great post. If you can think it, you can do it.
August 27, 2010 at 12:55 pm
Sparky Says:
August 27, 2010 at 8:01 am
Lyne, schedule the time like you would any other appointment and do it!…that IS doable and you are worth it!
Thanks Sparky, you are right…I intend to take you up on your advice this weekend.
Lyne
August 27, 2010 at 2:18 pm
I would LOVE to have an eco friendly residence “off the grid” with clean drinking water and enough land around to grow some food, have some chickens and play loudly without bothering neighbours….. sigh, that would be heaven for me.
The only thing blocking me from that dream is my own cowardice. Presently we are financially stable and finding good peace in our modest suburban home where we are, so risking the finances to go to an uncertain place seems foolish, but it’s still what I “want”.
August 27, 2010 at 2:46 pm
Permanent student.
August 27, 2010 at 2:50 pm
I love to be debt free,, working on that now. Not having to say no as often as I do to my children, and direct a movie some day.
I thing all are doable, just wish I didn’t wait so long to start working on them.
August 27, 2010 at 3:57 pm
A maid, a cook and a nanny.
August 27, 2010 at 4:58 pm
Love the post. Every time I see a lottery commercial come on its what would I do with the money and my answer every time is keep some for myself and family and give the rest of it away who needs all those millions to be happy, but since I don’t buy lotto tickets I can dream. A while back I was introduced to a company that I believe is the cat’s meow Helping people reach their goals while I am not there yet I plan on being there one day Happy trails
http://www.momswantmore.com/jenniwren
August 27, 2010 at 5:01 pm
My ‘if I could have anything’ is a fantasy.
I want to live my life over. Start to finish. Loved it all. Oh, I’d change a few little things (like being financially savvy – ha) and one big thing – my health. But, I am grateful for the life I’ve had, the loves in my life – past and present – and cherish each new day as it comes. I’m a very fortunate woman.
August 27, 2010 at 5:32 pm
Lyne, I feel for you. My son is soon to be 5. My ’shadow’ has made it fairly difficult to fit in exercise over the last 2 years. It get better though! In the last month or so, we have gone for long hikes together and just this week we biked 3KM!
When he was smaller I typically made myself exercise at 9pm. It was hard, but that was the only time that seemed to work for me.
Geoff & Suzanne I send you *love & light* to help you heal fast. : )
My dream is to have a bit of a simpler life. I want for my husband to transition back into the workforce well and for his vision to not get worse.
We are working on our dreams. I’ve applied for a job in the country. If I get it, we will be selling our home and hopefully purchasing something a little more functional for our family. We are hoping to purchase something with a rental unit for extra income – which will give me both dreams – a bigger kitchen and a rental property! My husband will get to be closer to our cottage and to be able to go bird hunting.
Once hubbie is back to work and we get situated with a new budget, I really want to take my son on a trip to Toronto, go to Alberta to visit my brother, take my hubbie to Ireland, and visit family in Germany.
Like Jay said, I’d love to be fit & healthy and not have to work so hard at it. Right now I’m just trying to focus on making ME & My Health a priority. It’s tough at times to find that balance.
Pol – your dream sounds awesome! Don’t give up on it.
I don’t need to be wealthy, I just want to feel comfortable and feel like I can give back a bit.
August 27, 2010 at 5:44 pm
For a long time I didn’t believe I could make my dreams come true. Now I’m actually moving toward them and will be making the first big step in August of 2012 when I move into my new home in Montreal. But that is a stepping stone to my long-term goal of living in France eventually. Having my debts paid off and money in the bank will help me to be free to finally achieve my dreams.
August 27, 2010 at 5:54 pm
I wish I could have my husband back…..He had a nervous breakdown back in January and he has not been well since.
We have beautiful kids, a nice home but my biggest wish, getting the man I married back.
I’ve come to realize that the big job and money that comes with it is not worth it, if it destroys you.
August 27, 2010 at 6:52 pm
What I most want is to never have to worry about money, and never have to work again, which is actually the same. I like my job and it pays well, but as long as doing it is the only thing that keeps the bills paid, I’m always nervous about it getting worse, or going away. Also, there are a lot of other things that I would like to do with my time, but none of those offer any degree of financial security.
So I’m saving like Scrooge McDuck to get there.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a bohemian. Scrape by with whatever pays the bills today, not having to keep doing anything, or staying anywhere, live with a bunch of interesting people, own only the clothes on my back, a guitar and a bicyle, hitchhike around the world. Some time between then and now I have become soft and fearful.
Though, if you had asked me ten years ago what I wanted most, it would have been for me to be thin, for my back to stop hurting, and for an interesting, challenging job instead of the lazy dead-end one I had. I have all that today.
Managable goals for the next ten years: Learn how to fly a plane. Learn to dance. Finally put up the stupid bedroom curtains.
August 27, 2010 at 7:23 pm
to have my dad back, happy and healthy. He passed away in 2008.
August 27, 2010 at 8:04 pm
In the words of an old song, “All I want is to have my peace of mind”. That by default picks up all the little details that are important to me. A lot of the time I have that peace of mind, but sometimes, not so much. Things have come along to complicate my journey, health issues, financial stress (but not no more, I’m on the Gail-bandwagon!), work stress – the regular complications. But I set goals, find time to do the things that make life good for me, and most of the time it’s working. Now, anyway! I’m not an Oprah-walks-on-water kind of gal, but I did see something she said one time about goals. Basically, if you want to do something that’ll take 5 years, or 10 years, and it’s too much for you, well, those 5 or 10 years are going to come and go whether you work towards those goals or not. There’s not an unlimited number of 5 or 10 years to waste – none would be ideal! – so I’m headed in the direction of where I want to go now.
August 27, 2010 at 8:41 pm
become a cordon bleu chef…seriously.
August 28, 2010 at 8:43 am
Caroline, hang in there sweetie!
My FIL had a breakdown a few years ago. It took a while for him to see ‘himself’ again. It will happen. Your husband might never be just the same, but he will get better. Be thankful to still have him and cherish who he is today because we all change over time. Love him, support him and be his friend. He will come back to you. : ) ~ But also remember to look after YOU. *HUGS*
My DH was close to a breakdown this year as well. It was very scary & stressful. I feel your pain & stress. Mental health is consider such a taboo and it shouldn’t be.
Mary B – thanks for sharing. That’s so true that those 5-10 years will still go by…
MP3 – You can do it!
August 28, 2010 at 11:19 am
There are a few thing I would love to have.
1. to take my familiy back to Hungary so they could meet that side of our bunch.
(currently saving airmiles points for this)
2. to be able to help my daughter when she heads off to school.
( ING savings in progress RESP to be set up when we hit $500.)
3. to complete a 1/2 Ironman Triathlon.
( I did my first sprint distance tri this past June and I am planning my trainning for the olympic distance next June)
4. to be debt free
( Gails rules applied and being followed- debt free in about 4 years)
August 28, 2010 at 12:24 pm
Melanie. Thanks for the kind words. Its amazing what perhaps I would have wished for on this post a year ago is completely irrelevant today.
August 28, 2010 at 8:54 pm
omg!!! so many wishes; sparky my boyfriend has just asked me to move in with him which is a huge financial change for me – debt free, one of my goals, would come much soon. his 12 year old son is autistic; non-violent, non verbal though he does make some sounds and can say da-da, ba-ba, will laugh & make happy sounds at times. many gestures and hand holding to help me understand him. i would wish for both of us to have enough patience & wisdom to deal with the hand which we have been dealt. huge change for me! my daughter is 28, a phd and well into her dream career. i had always harbored a dream to mentor a child; perhaps this is my opportunity!
as far as wishes for me, i look at my wishes in terms of my goals. i’d like to run again, after having my knee replaced. today i ran 200 paces. 3 months post-surgery and i’m on my feet again. i’m really happy with that! debt free-looks to be february 2011 instead of december 2010 but i can live with that. happy & content in my emotional life. i wish my mom & i could go to italy, but since she’s among the angels that won’t be happening. i always wanted to have dinner and a hike with john paul II; i loved him as pope and as a person. that won’t be happening either. but i always will be looking forward, and when i have a goal, i have a corresponding wish. for the moment i am a content & serene soul. perhaps my wish for myself is to find a way to continue living the way i am at this moment.
and i’d like to see myself complete that goal of helping someone, mentoring him or her, making his or her life a bit better because i touched it. check back in 6 months!
August 28, 2010 at 9:56 pm
If I could have anything it would be more time with my husband; we work opposing shifts and have on complete day together a week. We cherish our vacations and perhaps have spent a little too much $$$, we want to make the most of it but we don’t go into debt (we just aren’t saving as much as we should nor are we slaying the mortgage). Other than that I believe that life will unfold as it should. We have divested ourselves of a LOT of stuff, and since we have both been through very rough patches in our lives we have the confidence that everything will be just fine. We don’t need things we need each other and our loved ones.
August 29, 2010 at 9:07 am
@ste…I too always wanted to meet Pope John Paul 11..but sadly that never happened for me either:(….
all I can say about your situation with your boyfriend is if you do it it will be VERY rewarding and heartbreaking all at the same time!…When we were expecting Brody we had HUGE dreams for him…oh how they changed with that diagnosis…BUT he truly is a beautiful happy boy…we really are better people now…he has taught us so much…and we owe him so much…Brody is also non-verbal..(he has a few words to identify needs/wants but cannot have a conversation in any way shape or form and if his needs or wants go beyond wanting something to eat he has no words for that either)..each day though we continue to speak to him as though he’s going to answer back (just in case today is the day!..lol)…he makes us laugh EVERY day because he really is quite clever!…our whole life and home center around Brody…less stressful for everyone that way…even his younger brother feels this way (we always find a way to make sure our younger son is NOT short changed due to Brody’s needs so there is no resentment building there)…whatever you decide ste, go with what your heart tells you…your heart is the part of you that will go through the biggest test so you have to go with it’s strength…good luck with your decision…( I must say, that I think you will do it, because if you weren’t willing to enter the world of Autism full time it would have been an instant no…but me thinks this boy already has a grasp on your heart strings:) )
August 29, 2010 at 12:26 pm
I would like to be able volunteer at a children’s orphanage 2 months of the year in an undeveloped country, coach rugby, learn to sew and knit more challenging gifts for baby showers and housewarming gifts, go away to a women’s hockey camp with my 56 year old mom for a week and be financially able to fly off around the world to all the olympics! I know it can’t all happen at once but with planning and time it is possible:)
August 31, 2010 at 9:53 am
I would like to live with my family, in the same city. We are very spread out right now….
May 30, 2011 at 3:57 pm
Following my exploration, millions of persons in the world get the loans at different banks. Thus, there is good chances to receive a small business loan in all countries.