Be Uncomfortable
Posted by Gail | Filed under Goals, Life Lessons
If there’s one thing I’ve learned as I’ve lived my life is that whenever I do anything important for the first time, I’m seldom comfortable doing it. When I first started selling, I’d puke my brains out every morning in anticipation of having to make all those cold calls that day. It wasn’t comfortable but I did it. And when I started doing media, I’d toss my cookies in anticipation of flubbing it. It wasn’t comfortable, but I did it. And the first time I stood in front of an audience to speak, I trembled.
But just because something isn’t “comfortable” doesn’t mean it isn’t good for us. I still use my sales skills today as I try to get an important message across to someone with whom I’m working. And the media thing… well, that turned into a career on TV. And while I limit my public speaking because of my other commitments, I do it without a minute’s flutter in my tummy.
Learning to take control of your money can be much the same. Initially, as you have to face your past mistakes and the weight of your challenge, you may want to duck and hide. Don’t. Facing up, doing the tough thing, being uncomfortable for a while will bring loads of benefits and, ultimately, peace of mind.
Of course, you have to start with your own definition of success. Don’t let anyone else tell you how much is enough or how easy or complicated to make the process. That’s for you to decide. Even as I give you “instructions” for how to do things on this site, they are meant as starting points. You must take them and make them your own. You must have a sense of what is “good enough” so you can achieve some satisfaction.
I’ve recently received a rash of emails (these things always seem to come in batches) from people telling me that they’ve adapted my interactive budget to work better for them. Some sound almost apologetic. No need, folks. I’m happy that I could provide a starting place and that you’ve taking the initiative to customize. I’m thrilled that you’ve made it “good enough” for you.
Princess will be coming on the air shortly (September 7) and you’ll notice that I’ve introduced a new skill set: goal setting. I believe that you need to not only know where you want to be, but define very clearly the steps you’re going to take if you want to make a change. You’ll see me talk about long- and short-term goals. Long-term goals help you keep perspective, while short-term goals help you sustain your momentum and give yourself a pat on the back a little more regularly. So it’s important to have both.
Goal setting doesn’t start with a piece of paper… that’s where it should go eventually, but it starts in your ability to dream, to imagine your future, to put yourself someplace that feels great. When I started thinking about redoing my backyard, I didn’t just jump on it and head out to buy flagstones and moss. Nope, I imagined it. I’m spending an entire year just watching that back yard, imagining what will go where as the sun moves through it in spring, summer and autumn. Hey, a lot of the fun is in the planning and I’m not about to short-change the dreaming for the sake of having a “perfect” backyard.
Know that the biggest tip that you’re on the right track is when both your head and your gut agree. Remember, this isn’t about comfortable; this is about that little voice that says, “This is it. Keep going.” If you’re not really sure if your head and heart are in the right place, think about what achieving the goal will feel like. That should help put you on the right track.
Growth is hard. Change is hard. And doing something different – even something that’s good for you – isn’t always comfortable. Accept the discomfort as the first sign that you are thinking (and acting?) differently, and give yourself room to grow. Don’t be too hard on yourself; mistakes happen, just recognize them and move on. And when you’re successful, look at what you did that worked and incorporate that approach into your next challenge.
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I’ve been asked to open up Gail Clubs for Pennsylvania and Alameda, CA. If you live in these areas and would like to join, go check out what’s happening on the Gail Club Board.
BTW, for those of you who are interested in starting a Gail Club, a great way to get some momentum is to see if you have friends, co-workers or family who would like to help you get started. Over time your circle will widen as y’all bring other friends, co-workers and family into the club.
Imagine, a home-party about good financial sense instead of about spending money. What a concept!
August 23, 2010 at 7:37 am
Where and when do we find Princess in Hampton Roads VA 23606 (Verizon)? We have CNBC but not Slice.
August 23, 2010 at 8:06 am
Uncomfortable for me was being in debt. I’m debt free and still not fully comfortable with my finances, I think I just have to build up a bigger safety net.
regards,
Jason
August 23, 2010 at 8:24 am
for me, uncomfortable is the following right now:
going depper into debt for the little surprise life has just thrown at us, a medical for $8k for a surgery to my wife shoulder rotator cuff muscle, which she tore while making a wrong movement.
emptying the EF fund which I started to build which will cover 25% of that medical bill. We are taking two tesp back and going to go deeper into debt before.
getting lower income (EI) and two weeks holding period before as she cannot go back to work for an undetermined period of time.
caretaking for her, while I stay productive at work. Luckily, I can work from home most of the time.
seeking couple therapy before the above happened.
Got to stay positive … this shall pass …
August 23, 2010 at 8:36 am
I’m excited to see the 1st episode of Princess. I think it’s a great idea to see goal setting added.
Goals are important. Whether it’s a goal for the day (today is to ice a cake for decorating class, paint my garage doors and trim aroud my entry door, study and spend time with my son outside) or goals for the year, for the future. Having goals in place gives one something to focus on and look forward to accomplishing.
Learning to plan and have patience is a skill in itself.
August 23, 2010 at 8:39 am
Hang in there Daniel!
I hope everything goes smoothly with your wifes surgery & recovery. You’re right. It’s going to be uncomfortable, but you have each other to help through it. It sucks to have to use your EF money for this, but it is FOR emergencies right? This is one of those situations. We all hope to never need our EF, but thankfully you were smart enough to have one.
Good luck!
August 23, 2010 at 8:47 am
I LOVE imagining our future. And I got the bathroom of my dreams by imagining for a number of years before completing it. It cost a lot of money, but I wasn’t willing to sacrifice that dream/vision I had, or even compromise, because I didn’t want regrets later. We were fortunate that my husband was able to do all the labour himself, with the exception of the custom made cabinetry, but he did the installation.
Meanwhile, we’re dreaming of the addition we’ll be putting on — a 2 car garage, plus a new entranceway, and moving our carport roof to behind the garage to have that covered deck… Dreaming for long periods can certainly add up the costs, but then you know what it is that you want, without being necessarily swayed by trends.
And when you have those dreams in place, I think change IS easier, because you know that making changes truly will be benefitting you by seeing those dreams work to become a reality, and you know that the alternative outcome will not make you happy, so there really is no choice but to change.
August 23, 2010 at 9:20 am
@Daniel C…your emergency fund will cover 25% of the cost…that is excellent…that is what an EF is for!…if you didn’t have that 2k in there you would be going an extra 8k in debt instead of 6k…that’s your silver lining!…have the faith…this too shall pass…trust me, I have been there…in fact I am still there..
August 23, 2010 at 9:36 am
@ DanielC
To me, there is nothing more worth going into debt for, than the health or welfare of a loved one. It’s a REASON, unlike going into debt for “stuff”. I have in-laws who have said that they can’t ‘afford’ to take a day off to attend a family member’s funeral, yet will spend a fortune at Walmart or whatever on crap. They preach what their values are, but don’t demonstrate that those values mean anything to them.
Money matters, but not that much. Yeah, debt sucks, but when it’s for the right reasons, when there is no alternative, I’d be thankful just for the ability to be able to have the debt to take care of what’s important. I’d be proud of that debt, knowing it was for the right reason. There are few out there that can say the same.
August 23, 2010 at 9:58 am
@ Daniel…sorry about your current hard times. Maybe this time off with your wife will help your marital issues, if not your financial ones. Good luck.
I will admit, I worried less about money BEFORE I got Vaz-Oxladized!! I just never thought about it. Now I have more money in the bank than I ever thought I could in such a short time, have paid cash for new furniture and home improvements and yet when if I have spent all the envelope money before my next pay day, I am suddenly feeling broke. I stress about borrowing from one envelope to another or from taking from my “left over” envelope. And I really, really hate using the money saved for home improvement!! It feels awful to take the money out of the bank.
It is a very weird turn of events and I don’t know how to relax now.
August 23, 2010 at 10:05 am
@DanielC
i’m a lawyer and i recently negotiatedwith the medical service providers and hospitals in the US to give significant discounts to someone who was insured but for whatever reason the insurance didn’t cover the bills. you don’t need to be a lawyer to get that discount. Once you get that bill, call them and say “i don’t have insurance, i’m paying out of my own pocket, can you pls help me out, otherwise i can’t pay.” then after you get the discount, tell them you’ll look over your finances again, then call them back and say that you still can’t swing it and ask for more. if they don’t give a further discount to you, ask to speak to their supervisor who has more authority. i’m not guaranteeing this works, but you really should try it.
August 23, 2010 at 10:41 am
Gail,
On an episode of your show I just watched, you said that if the couple put away $700 each month for 30 years, they’d have $1.8 million when they retire. How is that possible!?!?!? $700 x 12 x 30 = $252,000. This seems to indicate that they are getting 11% interest. That’s wonderful! Where do I get 11%?
I’m a good saver, have no debt (other than my mortgage) and manage my accounts well, I would love to have $2 million waiting for me when I retire, so where do I go to get 11% interest?
Thanks!
August 23, 2010 at 10:52 am
Geoffery, I know when she’s talked about this on the show she mentions taking the income tax returns from the rrsp savings and adding those directly to the pot so that the principal and compound interest can grow.
August 23, 2010 at 11:26 am
Also these aren’t investments in savings accounts; dividend retruns alone can equal 6% + the return on capital.
August 23, 2010 at 12:10 pm
@Geoff
I was thinking the same thing too but is it compounded interest , because I generally hear that a lot in her shows, that’s it’s compounded monthly and extra income tax returns guess she thinks they will put in 1000 or more each year.
August 23, 2010 at 12:57 pm
Thanks for the great reminder, Gail! Balance is good: recognizing that some things won’t be fun and being ok with that because it will get me to my goals, and, on the other hand, enjoying and being thankful for what I do have and where I am.
August 23, 2010 at 1:15 pm
Geoff:
I think that it is the amount put in + the tax return (~ 1/4 to 1/3 of amount put in) + 6% return (% varies depending on year of the shoot). I think she wrote that somewhere. The tax return will give the appearance of skewed #s for the return. I also think that sometimes she says the current monthly contribution and later the combination of current amount + amount currently put towards the debt (so a few years down the road, the monthly contribution is much higher).
August 23, 2010 at 2:52 pm
@Daniel~ I’m guessing you live in the U.S.? Hopefully health care will be settled there soon. Not soon enough I know. This too shall pass. I reiterate what Sparky says.
) Good luck!
I seem to remember you like to go for bike rides? A few more in your future may help settle your anxieties
I’ve had people tell me they’ve seen Gail’s show and there is no way couples can have that much money when they retire re: the numbers…blah, blah, blah. My reply? If Gail says it? It is so.
August 23, 2010 at 4:01 pm
Catherine-I love the last line of your comment!
To get back to the spirit of the blog post, I love the idea of getting uncomfortable. I really think it’s the only way to grow. I have a mentor who liked to say, “learning experiences are those which you wish you weren’t having at the time”. This rings in my head whenever I’m uncomfortable. It helps me to push through and remember that next week/month/year I’ll look back and have learned something from whatever discomfort I’m experiencing now. It still sucks, don’t get me wrong, but if you can take the long view, sometimes it’s easier to take the short term pain.
August 23, 2010 at 4:46 pm
This blog post was a reminder to me to have that difficult conversation with an underperforming employee (man I hate those conversations – I loose sleep over the thought of them) and to revisit my five year plan for reflection and updating.
I do love to plan though and now that I plan my spending it’s even more gratifying. This year we cut down the big tree in our front yard – it was diseased and causing damage to our driveway. Now the front garden gets sun all day long instead of being in constant shade. Which means REDESIGN!!! My favorite thing to do. So I will spends some months looking at sun position, divide and move the shade plants to other new beds in the shade at the back of the house, and then drool over gardening catalogues and put money aside each pay for redesign next summer. I can’t wait. (yes, I suppose I do need a life).
August 23, 2010 at 5:08 pm
I love stretching my comfort zone from time to time — but not with my investments.
August 23, 2010 at 10:43 pm
daniel, g is reiterating what i mentioned last week on the blog. i work in the insurance field and believe me, this scenario is an everyday (multiple times!) occurrence. so pick up that phone, talk to the financial counsellor and tell him/her i am paying out of pocket. i can pay x-amount. you ought to be able to get anywhere from 30% to perhaps 65% off that $8k bill. one of the ways you could do it is to find out what an insurance company would pay per the contract it holds with the hospital. you’d be surprised; many insurance companies pay approx 22-30% of billed charges, writing the rest of it off due to contractual adjustments. your wife’s surgeon should be able to help you with that too; normally s/he will be MORE than happy to accept a cash payment at a lesser amount. much better for the hospital/surgeon/anesthesiologist, etc to accept some money than have to deal with a non-insured non-paying patient. so, get a bit uncomfortable, pick up that phone, and start making calls. i’ll be cheering for you from afar!
as far as change & discomfort, i love it!!! as others have said, change is good for me sometimes and i really revel in stretching myself a bit. when i was still running i pushed up from 10k to half marathons, to marathons, and then to 50k & 50 mile runs. uncomfortable – yes. life-changing-yes, in some respects. i learned so much about myself, friendship, the importance of being myself, my dreams, while out on the trails for those long runs. and i enjoyed it immensely. i don’t tremble when i have to speak in front of a group. not anymore. i didn’t like the jars when i first started but now, as i see progress, i am happier than a bug in a rug that i was willing to make the change. i like some of my routines, and those are the ones that are fundamentally important to my happiness. on the other hand i have made very wrong decisions in some respects, and change is the only way to remedy that. even my daughter will call me on it when i start to stagnate. so bring on the change, and let me see just how resilient i am. yes i will struggle. and yes i’ll be resistant. but i have found that by welcoming change, i am slowly but surely becoming the woman i want to be.
August 24, 2010 at 12:21 am
Getting out of your comfort zone once in a while is great.
If anyone is ever in doubt of their ability to handle a challenge, reflect back to a previous point in time when you felt the same way. Chances are that now you successfully handled that challenge and would not find that previous situation uncomfortable at all. So there’s nothing to fear this time either. That’s the power of growth.
August 28, 2010 at 6:57 pm
I can’t wait to see Princess, Gail, and I love the fact that you’re going to be tackling life goals. That’s one area that I’ve been falling down in. I’m really good with making financial plans, but I don’t know what I want beyond financial security. What the heck am I saving all this money for? Heh, I’m like the opposite of a princess. I save up the money, but I never want to spend it.