Keeping Up with the Joneses
Posted by Gail | Filed under Smart Shopper
Remember the saying, “Keeping up with the Joneses”? It was used to denote our desire to keep pace with the spending of our neighbours. It was beautifully captured in a cartoon I once saw. A husband and wife are gardening together. The wife looks up to see an neighbour pulling into her drive ways and says to her husband, “Damn, Shelly & Mike got a new car. And we were almost debt free!”
Ten years ago, before the avalanche of reality TV hit the airwaves, the Joneses were the people next door. Now people are feeling the push to keep up with the likes of movie stars and TV personalities who make gobs of money airing their lives to the nation and shopping as a hobby.
JD Roth, of getrichslowly.org fame and author of Your Money: the Missing Manual, recently wrote about walking home past the gorgeous homes he has always wished he could afford to buy, consumed by envy and the desire to have what the Richy Riches have. He subsequently notes that he and his wife are very happy with their home, but just looking at those mansions made his mouth water.
And that’s exactly the problem with watching Carrie Bradshaw strut across the screen in $600 shoes or Kim Kardashian head off for a day of sun-bathing in Sassi swimwear, Prada sunglasses and a hat that cost as much as some people’s mortgage payments. What these girls, real and not so real, are spending on clothes and beauty is equivalent to what regular folks earn in a year (or six). So trying to spend like they do, trying to keep up with the New Joneses, is putting a lot of people into a big pile of poop.
We’re in a shopping frenzy. As stores have moved from places you go to buy the things you need, to being nestled in malls that act as communities of their own, we’ve moved from needing a new pair of jeans to wanting Genius Jeans. When Miley Cyrus struts her 7 For All Mankind Jeans, it’s not surprising that all the Miley wannabes are prepared to shell out over 200 bucks (U.S.) for a pair of jeans. And retailers know it. Loads of space is given to which stars are wearing what labels as inducement to young fashionistas.
According to April Benson in her book To Buy or Not to Buy, “Compulsive shopping crosses every social and political boundary.” Popular culture makes fun of our shopping addictions with bumper stickers that declare, “When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping.” Advertisers poke fun with a reference to “shopping” as an after-school activity. And overshoppers have come to think about their lives in terms of what they must buy next and how jealous they can make their friends.
Benson claims that chronic over-shopping is almost always associated with low self-esteem and insecurity. That makes some sense. After all, if you know who you are and have your own style, you don’t feel the need to imitate the Katy Perrys of the world. But if you aren’t sure exactly what makes you happy, you can be tricked into believing that the acquisition of yet one more new thang will do it for ya.
There’s no question that our affluenza is a culturally induced affliction. Having 7000 version of jeans with price tags that range into the thousands means that $200 for a pair of Hudsons looks like peanuts. But if you’re making $15 an hour and having to pay rent, buy food and pay for transportation, you might only have a disposable income of about $2 an hour, and those jeans would represent 100 hours of work… That 13 days… almost 2 and a half weeks of work… just to buy a pair of jeans. Or you could stick ‘em on your credit card and pay interest too.
August 19, 2010 at 6:51 am
I stopped trying to keep up with the Jones who in my case have a nice house and drive a nice car. I’m happy for them to enjoy those luxuries but in my case I’m not ready to, I will eventually enjoy some nice things, but only once I can afford them.
I’ve never paid that much for Jeans. and I never got the whole fad of paying that much for jeans that have been ripped and torned to put holes in them, that is just crazy.
August 19, 2010 at 8:00 am
My biggest problem is that I work in a very affluent community, and many of my coworkers have that same affluence. They wear their Lululemon, have their Coach purses, and let’s not even talk about their shoe collections, while carrying in their Starbucks coffees/lattes/mochaccinos. Every day, literally, someone is “showing off” their latest find. Most of the time, I can ignore it and feel a touch of envy that quickly goes away, but on those days that I’m having a bad hair day, feeling down, it’s REALLY hard to pick myself up and not let that feeling of inadequacy haunt me for awhile. Even now, I’m getting anxious; I start back in 2 weeks, and I’m thinking, “I really need a new hairstyle; I don’t know if my regular hairdresser will be adequate to get something ’stylish’ enough. And, I have NOTHING new to wear, and never replaced my tired sandals…” because that first day, it’s all about how ‘great’ everyone looks, and I want someone to say to me how fabulous I look… sigh… it’s going to be a couple of tough weeks hoping to find THE bargain that will solve all my problems for a day…
August 19, 2010 at 8:02 am
Oh yeah, then there’s the whole “pedi/mani” thing…
August 19, 2010 at 8:08 am
Sometimes I feel like a dinosaur – a car that turns 13 next month, a basic cell phone, a regular 22-inch screen TV, a 35-mm camera, but for the most part I’m a smilin’ dino. I have a friend who regularly acquires all the latest gadgets, and he’s miserable in his marriage. and has been for at least ten years. He can afford it because they get their money the old-fashioned way – substantial gifts from parents. However, I haven’t seen these vacations and acquisitions brightening things up on the homefront.
Hmm. I have long thought that methinks I see a connection.
August 19, 2010 at 8:11 am
In mine and hubby’s opinion, a car gets you from Point A to Point B; if it’s got cupholders, we’re happy… bonus points for A/C! We could’ve bought a smaller condo with lots of bells and whistles 7 years ago, but we opted for the bigger unit in an older building with a much lower pricetag.
I can’t fathom spending $200 on a pair of demin… that’s just crazy… but if you have the disposable income and can afford them (without going into debt over them), all the power-to-you. I know a guy that will ONLY wear Diesel jeans, and will ONLY shop in certain stores… like I’m supposed to be impressed… but as Shania Twain says… that don’t impress me much… in fact, it doesn’t impress me at all!
August 19, 2010 at 8:27 am
The timing of this article is actually quite wonderful for me.
I was just browsing through a friend’s Facebook photos of their new home. It’s being built now and they take possession soon. It has a gorgeous kitchen, huge bedrooms, a huge living room, etc.etc.etc. Plus, since they bought way out of town in a new development, their payments are less than ours…
My husband wisely pointed out to me a few things: a) “You don’t want to live way out there. You hate commuting” and b) “Our costs would go way up- we’d need to buy a car instead of walking everywhere”. This article and his wise counsel remind me to check my inner envy at the door!
August 19, 2010 at 8:28 am
some of the girls i work with, talk about labels and shopping and hiding purchases like it’s the best thing ever, i’m often surprised about how common this is. it is human nature to sometimes want what we don’t have or what someone else has, but i have found that since having my daughter and having some more concrete goals on where we want to be in a few years has helped tamed that. Yes, i came home after seeing our friends huge new house (with pool) and surfed MLS that night, lol, but more out of curiousity and knowing that in 3 years that may be us, than geninue “i want to have that now!” anyway, it’s interesting that even in an uncertain financial climate i haven’t really seen people i know cut back, if anything, i think people are spending more and more.
August 19, 2010 at 8:40 am
From where I come there’s a saying “…the neighbor’s goat…” People will always be interested in what neighbors have, do, say, etc… But being obsessed with this… that’s wrong. I moved to Canada 2 years ago and I still have to adapt! I hear moms saying that they HAVE to buy certain things for their teenage daughters and it makes me smile. Why do they have to? Is this a society where parents are slaves to their children’s financial/fashion desires? It use to be more simple when I was a kid, and it wasn’t so long ago… It was a privilege when I had the money to go out for a cola with my friends and today, I am a normal person, no trauma whatsoever! I know to appreciate the clothes on my back, and the only car (a 1999 Honda) that we have. And I don’t suffer when I see women my age walking in some expensive shoes or dress. Yeah, I dream to win the lottery and help my family and friends – I could make a lot a people happy, but till then I have to and need to find a way of living that makes me feel good inside. And less is better! People are so impressed with the Joneses for TV, but they never see, or remember too long, the kids that suffer of hunger in another corner of the world, or the wars for their cheaper gas… Remember Wall-E? I always smile when I remember that captain, I think, that asked about the pizza tree! Well, our kids start to be like that!
August 19, 2010 at 8:44 am
now that we’ve paid off our foolish consumer debt, I find the best antidote for the ‘I wants’ is to log into our accounts and look at the balances! I like looking at bigger numbers from month to month in there, and it’s a great curb on my spending. Is it REALLY worth buying that thing I want, or would I rather have that money in the bank/investments? More and more, I’d rather have the money.
August 19, 2010 at 8:49 am
Ummm, perhaps I’m as old as the hills (in my kids eyes I am!) but I feel OK about paying $15 for jeans (except I don’t need any right now), I’m pretty happy when I can find them for about $10, but the best was a couple weeks ago. Walmart had jeans (in my size but not the rest of the familys) for $2! Old me would have gone nuts and bought 5 pair… new me looked at them, moved on, went back, and didn’t buy any. I don’t need any jeans. *sigh* I think I’ve been brainwashed.
August 19, 2010 at 8:53 am
I don’t feel like keeping up with the Joneses (there is a movie called “The Joneses” that I watched, and apart from being a little depressing, was really good). I have that one possession I have always envied, financial security. I can afford the things I have (definitely not luxury items, or even close, but they do get us from point A to point B reliably), have an EF and sleep quite well at night. In a sense, I already won the lottery and I wish that same winning for all those I care about.
August 19, 2010 at 9:20 am
I used to keep up with the Jones much more until I got out of consumer debt. Now I’m about having a balance in life. I like nice things but I only splurge purses and makeup occassionally, and my purses take saving to buy. I think the issue is that a lot of people want everything – purses, jeans, shoes, vacations, homes. And while it’s possible if you have limitless funds, for the regular person like me i have to pick and choose what I want. It’s that opportunity cost and scarcity lesson.
August 19, 2010 at 9:38 am
I live in a wealthy area too and that first day of school is right around the corner. I used to teach full time here and it’s AMAZING what my colleagues could afford to wear and do ( oil field related spouses or teachers themselves) lululemon, Bench, Merrill, Lola+all the top price jeans let alone the Boot Camp classes,, trips to Vegas and so forth. I went to subbing a few years ago and no, my husband is not in the oilfield. I admit to having a bad case of the envies now and then and I admit to having a splurge now and then- the reality is my family still lives the good life. My kids do dance, lacrosse, skating etc…. We all have nice clothes- but I buy them on sale
We have two cars and next week we go to Jasper for 10 days. Life is good and occasionally I get a little appalled at how much we all seem to “require” today.
August 19, 2010 at 9:44 am
Cas,
I feel for you. My work place is sort of like that there are a few people whom must get new this and that almost weekly and feel the need to show EVERYONE else their latest find. It seems that this crowd expects that if you go away for a weekend then you must have gone shopping! What did you buy is usually the first question when you get back. I think these guys must be really insecure to always feel the need to compare themselves to everyone. I reply to their question with a smlie and “nothing really” then I gravitate towards the group who asks for the vacation photo’s instead.
August 19, 2010 at 9:51 am
I like nice clothes, fun vacations, dining out, nice wine, and fun gadgets! As Gail has said many times, nothing wrong with spending your money on whatever floats your boat as long as you are indeed spending your own money and not going into debt for it. I try not to get sucked into the “keeping up with the Joneses” mentality, but in a very consumerist culture where a lot of people seem to express their identities through their luxury purchases or lavish vacation spending, it can sometimes be hard. I manage most of the time to only buy things that I know I will enjoy or that will make my life easier, and to make the hard choices about what to spend money on so that I don’t go into debt for it. And (barring the occasional slip-up) I generally charge stuff to my credit card for the points, then pay it off in full.
August 19, 2010 at 10:00 am
My kids’ friends and classmates are all Jones’. Whether they have the money to buy it or exhorbitant debt, I do not know, but they have everything. It is hard as a parent when they are all going to Mexico or Disneyland at Christmas and their cabins for the whole summer. The boys ask(ed) why. I say “I can’t afford it”
August 19, 2010 at 10:06 am
I’m obviously living under a rock because the only names I recognize are Carrie Bradshaw, Prada, and 7. I suppose that’s a good thing for my credit card.
Anyway, I don’t see anything wrong with spending $200 on a good pair of jeans. My 7s are nearly 10 years old and I’m still wearing on a regular basis, so that works out to $20 per annum. The cheap jeans I bought get worn or warped within a few washes (they shrink, the seams twist, etc.), don’t fit as well, and don’t give me as much bang for my buck as my 7s. Sometimes it’s worth it to pay for quality.
August 19, 2010 at 10:11 am
@jolie: You have my sympathies, and your kids need a talking to. I grew up dirt poor and knew better than to ask my parents why I couldn’t do or have the things my classmates bragged about. Then again, those same classmates made sure I knew they were better than me because their parents could afford expensive stuff.
August 19, 2010 at 10:38 am
When I was growing up “keeping up with the Joneses” was a negative expression in my family and with people we knew. It referred to people who were trying to make themselves look better than they really were, in a financial or status sense.
My parents were not influenced to buy things we didn’t need or couldn’t afford. I certainly have not been concerned with what others have and I don’t see the point in buying very expensive items just to have a brand that is popular. I buy what I want, live where I choose, and vacation where I decide to go, but those are my choices, fully paid for, and not because I’m trying to keep up with anyone.
Where once there might have been one or two families in a whole neighbourhood who were trying to keep up with the Joneses and going into debt, now it seems a common practice, especially among younger people. Also, now there seems to be no stigma against doing so.
August 19, 2010 at 10:49 am
Great post and like everyone else I am ignoring those damn Joneses. My parents always saved up when they wanted something. I am reverting to my first job and saving money to go to Europe. I have taken myself back to my financial roots.
August 19, 2010 at 10:50 am
A sentence that I didn’t think that I would hear so soon from my almost 4 year old:
(sobbing)
“But mom, if I wear this hat at daycare kids will make fun of me… ”
Guess what I did next day… bought him every damn hat in Eatons.. (well, two). Because if it’s me, that’s not so bad, but it kinda broke my heart to hear him be upset.
Next time I’ll do better… this was parenting fail.
August 19, 2010 at 11:09 am
We’re guilty of doing it, and we know it…and we can usually afford it, but we have to watch ourselves. We built a new house last fall and got a little side tracked with the budget…several ‘things’ for the new house went onto the line of credit that was almost paid off and now I’m feeling pretty guilty about it. I feel so envious when I look across the street at my neighbour’s beautiful landscaping and then compare it to my ‘lawn’ of weeds and lack of garden plants. But, I’m back on track, have vowed not to charge anything more on LOC. I’ve got a plan in place that will see us have the cash to put in some modest landscaping and a deck (both DIY) next year and I can’t be more thrilled. Sometimes I look at my house and think ‘why was it so important to have brick instead of vinyl siding’? Back home (Eastern Canada), everybody’s house had siding, even in the new subdivisions. But, here in Ontario, at least in our area, it seems like ‘everybody’ has brick, so we got it too. Now I look out my window at 2 houses that are under construction and both are upgrading to ’stone’ instead of brick… it never ends.
August 19, 2010 at 11:15 am
I’ve never much cared about keeping up with the Joneses and I find I care less as I get older. Material things that used to seem important — particularly travel and eating out — don’t sp much anymore. My thinking about the environment is getting more and more apocalyptic, and I ask myself both ‘how does my getting on a plane make the world a better place?’ and ‘why do I think I’ll be happier in a cafe in Paris than in a cafe here at home?’ Of course, Paris is wonderful, but these days I really do feel that vacations are about dreams and images of how we’ll feel in some other place — a dream of relaxation, an image of enjoyment. Once I think through what a particular vacation dream is about, I can easily see how I can have that feeling at home, at much less cost to my bank balance and the planet.
August 19, 2010 at 11:22 am
ioana – that isn’t a parenting fail. Some kids are very sensitive about being teased. I know some boys that will not wear anything with any writing or brand name on it because of a fear that they will be teased. Their poor mother has quite a tough time finding things that are completely plain.
Now, if your 4 year old said that they had to have a Lulu-lemon hat, that’s different.
My girls have their own fashion sense, and to heck with whoever doesn’t like it. The oldest one will only wear stretchy pants, because they are comfy, or dresses. The youngest loves soccer shorts.
August 19, 2010 at 11:42 am
After spending the last two weeks decluttering every room in my house, filling three garbage bags of perfectly good but rarely worn clothes to be donated, and pricing hundreds of things for a garage sale, I have realized I just cannot simply buy stuff for the sake of buying stuff anymore. I am out of room and am tired of having clutter all around me. So new leaf! Goes with living within budget. No more one time use things. No more clothes that will go out of fashion in a year, no more cheaply made a stuff that will break or fall apart in months. I will spend money on quality items that I will use often and for a long time. But not for appearance sake.
August 19, 2010 at 11:58 am
First of all, love the show, Gail! I’ve been debt free for a long time but it’s still great to watch for tips on how to save money. Hmmm… I think a lot of people have to decide whether they’d rather be independently wealthy or be trendy. The funny thing is that it’s the wealthy people that end up setting the trends in the first place.
Advertisers have actually learned how to make people feel depressed intentionally and they use this too their advantage. They’ve learned that setting high standards for beauty and appearance people get depressed and people will revert to a squirrel-like behaviour of trying to bury themselves with “stuff”. And when people are depressed over money and material goods it’s also very good for the pharmaceutical companies. All businesses win through debt depression–stores, credit companies, and drug companies.
Anyway–love ya and I wish sometime you’d have a show that shows people exactly how to invest so that they’ll have that “million dollars by the time they retire,” that you keep talking about.
August 19, 2010 at 12:22 pm
to Patricia:
Your post hit home today. I feal for you because I went and going through the same as you do. After overspending 30% to get our new home built, we then had to attack landscaping (backyard only). I was careful with this and DIYed as much as I could myself. Even after doing so, we still have 24K on our HELOC, that we have carried for 2.5 years. This year, my wife and I have become fed up, and begun to agressively pay it back, even though this HELOC is very low 2.91% APR, and minimum monthly payments are interest only. So 2/3 of left over money goes to this, 2/9 to accelerated mortage, and 1/9 to EF. At this rate, we plan to have HELOC paid off in 2-3 years.
I consider the front landscaping, finishing off the basement , trading in our two old cars, keeping up with the Joneses, and we are not going there ….
Cant wait for income tax period in early 2011, as this employee stock options can be vested (after 2 year wait period), and this will accelerate the paydown.
So now
We’re guilty of doing it, and we know it…and we can usually afford it, but we have to watch ourselves. We built a new house last fall and got a little side tracked with the budget…several ‘things’ for the new house went onto the line of credit that was almost paid off and now I’m feeling pretty guilty about it. I feel so envious when I look across the street at my neighbour’s beautiful landscaping and then compare it to my ‘lawn’ of weeds and lack of garden plants. But, I’m back on track, have vowed not to charge anything more on LOC. I’ve got a plan in place that will see us have the cash to put in some modest landscaping and a deck (both DIY) next year and I can’t be more thrilled. Sometimes I look at my house and think ‘why was it so important to have brick instead of vinyl siding’? Back home (Eastern Canada), everybody’s house had siding, even in the new subdivisions. But, here in Ontario, at least in our area, it seems like ‘everybody’ has brick, so we got it too. Now I look out my window at 2 houses that are under construction and both are upgrading to ’stone’ instead of brick… it never ends.
August 19, 2010 at 12:36 pm
Kind of on this topic…I saw the promo for “Princess” on Slice the other day! Sept 7th! Can’t wait!
August 19, 2010 at 1:03 pm
@ Cas,
Don’t sweat it. How many of these coworkers are liquid? Have you seen their bank accounts? Don’t assume that the brands they wear are any indication of their wealth. People who make a lot of dough tend to spend a lot. People who make a lot aren’t necessarily good money managers.
Stay on course, treat yourself once in awhile and try not to sweat it. (And update those sandals, girl!)
August 19, 2010 at 1:10 pm
@ Lisa – one wonders if trying to protect kids from being teased is even possible. At some point children have to accept that there are big fears, and small fears, and make a choice.
August 19, 2010 at 1:11 pm
As I don’t work outside the home, I don’t feel the pressure to dress right and look perfect and have the “right” things. My hubby, working in the IT industry gets teased *a lot* as we don’t have a blackberry and/or an iPad and/or laptop and/or stereo and/or [insert latest/newest electronics to have]……or a new car (our newest purchase is a 2000!). However, it is very light hearted teasing….as they had a discussion at coffee one day talking about “things” we need to buy, and the one guy who was mocking shut up real quick when the topic turned to debt load and finances, and found out we’re mortgage and debt free.
August 19, 2010 at 1:33 pm
@jolie..
my 7 year old will comment that so and so has this/that and why can’t I have it and I told him that through out his life he was going to meet lot’s of people who had more than him and lot’s of people that had less than him ..and that he would be better off spending his energy worrying about the people who have less. Whenever I can I point out the children who don’t have what he does..like when we were driving in a not so great neighbourhood and saw a boy who was crossing the street by himself and was dressed in ripped and dirty clothes that didn’t fit.. I asked him if he thought that boy had a DSI or a WII or got to go to Hockey camp..
I doesn’t always stop him from getting the gimmies but I hope if continue to point these things out one day he will be a glass half full kinda guy!!
August 19, 2010 at 1:57 pm
I seriously wonder about where society is heading when we look to celebrities as people to envy. Kim Kardashian is most certainly not someone to envy. She’s a socialite, born into wealth and privilege, and she has done nothing to deserve anyone’s envy. In fact, she’s done nothing, period. I could not tell you why that woman has become a household name. Same with Paris Hilton. Good grief, who would envy her? So her family has money–she never did a thing to earn it. She parties a lot, makes sex tapes, and is basically useless. But hey, I guess she looks fabulous (although personally I have always thought her a fashion disaster).
I envy people who have dreams and follow them, despite any fears they have, and become successful even if they face adversity. I don’t envy little rich girls whose mommies and daddies are someone, and because of that they are too. I don’t envy people who have the ability, because of their wealth and influence, to do some real good in terms of social justice, but are instead consumed by such important matters as what designer to wear today…..the fact that other people even pay attention to these useless Hollywood mannequins disturbs me greatly. I don’t care about what Jennifer Aniston is wearing and I don’t care about what car Brad Pitt drives. They are so far outside my orbit that they are insignificant–what they do, think, feel, drive, or wear means nothing to me. They make no real difference in this world and as such, are not worth my notice, much less an attempt to “keep up” with them.
August 19, 2010 at 2:00 pm
@ Amy:
he was going to meet lot’s of people who had more than him and lot’s of people that had less than him ..and that he would be better off spending his energy worrying about the people who have less
That really hit home for me… I say pretty much the same thing to my kids; gotta practise what I preach. Thanks for the reminder!
@ Sandra:
Yeah, I often ask myself the same thing — I know for a fact that some of the people in the area only have furniture in their front room for “show” and that many of their other rooms are empty… Plus, I have looked on a website that gives the average income for each area, and, given the average of $130 000, there’s got to be a lot of people in a lot of trouble as the average house is easily upwards of $500 000, many in the million dollar range… and there was one child last year who hadn’t brought in money for a field trip, saying that “his parents just didn’t have it”, while each of them were driving BMW’s, and mom always getting her hair done and mani/pedis…
Yeah, I may splurge on the sandals (LOL), but the bigger thing for me will be getting my hair done — it’s a must, still debating the pedi too… and a pair of capris on sale would be good… lol
Gotta remember that some of these people are my co-workers, not my friends, and not worry about future comments (one still brings up my wearing 2nd-hand stirrup pants after my mat leave because it was all I could afford…)
My heart does ache for each child who worries that they will be teased; interestingly enough, it doesn’t happen often in the school I’m at, because they just all assume everyone has the brand name clothes (and there are a few who don’t fit into that same income level), so that’s not what they make fun of…
August 19, 2010 at 2:00 pm
So I don’t sell my kids short…they don’t whine or complain…they just ask sometimes. Not nearly as often as they used to. They understand they are in some expensive hobbies and that is where the money goes. Today we begin our garage sale and they ‘ve been working their butts off hauling stuff over to my mom’s (where there is more room). The money raised will finish off what we need to save for the sectional we’ve ordered for downstairs. as my DS2s facebook status said last night “man garage sales are BORING and a lot of work. I can’t wait to use that money we’ve earned to get our new couch’
August 19, 2010 at 2:22 pm
I appreciate this post as much as the next person, but I think it has to be taken into context. If a single person making > $100,000 annually and has the disposal money, they should feel free to buy whatever high end fashion items they want to.
Similarly for famillies. If it is within the parent’s budget to buy their children expensive gifts and lavish vacations, then that is great for them, and they should feel free to do so without being looked at negatively by people who can’t afford those things.
I follow Gail’s rules religiously, but I think some people here forget the portion in her budget for fun spending.
We can’t take it with us to the after life, so we should feel free to spend our discretionary monies on whatever makes us happy.
August 19, 2010 at 2:53 pm
Taken to the extreme, keeping up with the Joneses in Vancouver is now having an investment property or condo.
With the real estate market over the past decade, having secondary rental properties as an investment is the “in thing”; regardless of your financial situation or the price paid for the property!
August 19, 2010 at 3:21 pm
@ Disco_Chuck:
I appreciate this post as much as the next person, but I think it has to be taken into context. If a single person making > $100,000 annually and has the disposal money, they should feel free to buy whatever high end fashion items they want to.
Absolutely, but, even people who make $100 000+ have budgets and limitations, and, similarily, people who make much less, can sometimes afford higher end stuff because they have 0 to little debt.
The point is always that we should be conscious of our spending, and aware of the reasons why we buy the stuff we do. And if it’s just to “keep up with the Jones” or to feel better about ourselves, those are very poor reasons, whether you have the money or not.
And, we live in a throw-away society that needs to change. Ever watch “The story of stuff”? Wake-up call. Just because someone CAN afford it, doesn’t mean that the environment can…
August 19, 2010 at 3:23 pm
Another dose of reality today hit us… Even if we were tempted to, we definitely cannot keep with the Joneses as of today. My wife tore her rotator cuff (shoulder muscle) a few days ago, she is in pain, and needs surgery. The waiting list for ou crappy medical system in Quebec is 1-2 years. My work medical inusrance does not cover for this, and the surgery will cost about $9K. Good bye to my meagre $2K EF fund that Ive’ been struggling to save for the last year, and hello to added debt, and reduced family income.
August 19, 2010 at 3:25 pm
Sorry.
Forgot to add to my previous message that the $9k is the estimated private clinic fee.
August 19, 2010 at 3:33 pm
It’s so true that looking at what other people has makes you want something more – even if you’re already satisfied. Shopping malls, big cities where there are lots of advertisements, magazines, movies and tv shows can so easily skew what you think is important. I sure notice a difference in myself when I am exposed to mass quantities of media, versus when i’m not. usually i feel content with what i’ve got, until…
August 19, 2010 at 3:35 pm
@ DanielC: So sorry to hear… hang in there, prayers are with you, and try not to get discouraged. I know it seems like it’s always 1 step forward, 2 steps back, but, and I’m sure this seems so cliche… be thankful that it’s not life-threatening, nor is it the end of the world, and I don’t mean to discount the pain she’s in, nor the predicament it puts you both in, not at all… a coworker went through the same last year, and she found it tough, then both her parents wound up in the hospital, not being able to care for themselves upon discharge, and she said she’d have traded her now healthy shoulder to have her parents healthy, if she could.
I’ll pray for both a speedy recovery, and a better health system — stay strong.
August 19, 2010 at 3:40 pm
@ Cas: Thanks for your encouraging words as allways … Im in a miserable mood, and not fun to be around with these days. Poor wife. A good solid workout this evening will help me “cool down”.
August 19, 2010 at 3:55 pm
I guess I live under a rock too, cuz although I have heard bits about Lululemon (?), I have actually never been anywhere near it, nor the Gap, Old Navy or any of the ‘trendy’ stores. Give me a $35 pair of Wranglers, a $150 pair of Boulet roper boots (have lasted 14 years so far) and I am a happy girl. Growing up, I got to wear the Joneses hand-me-downs, and you want to talk about teasing? Try showing up at school, and running into the girl who’s family donated those clothes (and wasn’t above pointing it out to EVERYONE)!!! My three sons grew up on Value Village/Salvation Army clothes, and to this day, love shopping there, as the surprises are ever changing. The most expensive thing I ever got guilted into buying was a set of Waterless cookware through a home sale – lkely cost about $1,500 (with china, silverware and crystal stemware as a ‘bonus’), but that was 33 years ago, and I have never bought another pot/pan in all that time. They work amazing to this day. As a seamstress, I also have a hard time with sticker shock when I do the odd browsing trip to our local Zellers, Walmart or Sears stores (basically all we have in our little city). If you’re happy and you know it, CLAP YOUR HANDS!!
August 19, 2010 at 5:23 pm
@ Disco_Chuck
Even people making more than $100 000 need to use common sense. Of course you can spend your money the way you want if you can pay all your bills and don’t owe anyone else. Buying expensive gifts and lavish vacations isn’t necessarily a good thing to do for your children.
The point of the post is that spending just to keep up with others is not a wise thing to do, especially if it causes budgeting difficulties. Having a portion of a budget set aside for fun spending doesn’t mean it’s appropriate to spend $500 on a handbag or $800 on a pair of shoes just to have what your friends have. There are so many other things to do with a little bit of fun money
August 19, 2010 at 6:03 pm
Thank you Ann for your comment about the quality of blue jeans. My boyfriend and I use jars and make hard choices to keep ourselves out of debt all the time. But I do really believe, when it comes to denim, you get what you pay for.
I work in a very casual industry, where I am lucky enough to wear jeans to work, but I still have to look put together.
I have 2 pairs of ‘designer’ jeans that I wear ALL the time. And they’ve lasted me years. They are always stylish and they keep their fit. I’ve worked it out so they are less than pennies per wear. And if you know your size and style, they often go 50% off.
Although, I wouldn’t knock a cute pair of second hand ones from the Sally Ann or Goodwill… because I’ve made a couple of good finds there too!
August 19, 2010 at 7:18 pm
When I was a kid, my mother really hammered home the point that people who felt the need to brag about their stuff or spending were stupid, and that stupid was the worst thing one could be, because the stupid would never own their lives. So when the other kids joked about our old or strange stuff, they only proved that they were stupid and deserved pity, so I joked with them about our stuff being even older and stranger than it seemed. (I was a prefectly arrogant little brat, but I was so good-natured about it that hardly anyone noticed.)
I am still competitive, but I cheat. I go for “having less worries about money” than the Joneses, “having less stuff cluttering up the place”, and “being better dressed with fewer (and older) items of clothing”. If I find a pair of jeans that will still look good after five years and acceptable after ten, or boots that will last ten winters, I don’t much mind the cost. (IME every type of item has a cut off price after which usefulness and longevity do not improve much anymore. That’s my upper limit.) And I might be driving a clunker to my co-workers’ less-than-4yo BMWs and Audis, but I paid for it cash on the table.
I notice and admire/envy people who are well-dressed, or who have great-looking flats or houses, who always have the right item on hand, or who throw great parties. On closer observation, what they have in common is awareness of the situation and attention to detail — not a habit of throwing lots of money around.
August 19, 2010 at 7:36 pm
I wear those $200 jeans – purchased for $30-$60 on ebay!
They fit and wear better than the cheaper brands, so they`re worth it to me (not that I would pay full price).
August 19, 2010 at 7:38 pm
danielc-with you here friend; i will keep you and your wife in my prayers. and yes, go for that workout, blow off some steam, think clearly and find your peace. one trick that works here in the States – can you negotiate the costs? here it is very common for someone who privately pays a bill (as opposed to insurance paying) can get up to 50% off a doctor/hospital/medical bill by making an agreement up front. stick to the payments and voila – you come out ahead by paying off the bill, and your wife gets her treatment and is on the way to full health again. just a thought…
when i was younger i tried to keep up and oh did i pay for it! huge interest rates on huge bills, an overstuff closet with clothes and shoes i barely wore. when i look back i wonder just where the hell i came up with the incredible need to dig myself such a hole because my parents certainly instilled better financial sense than that in me. (repeat after me, i am an idiot!!!) thankfully now i am much better prepared to face up to the envy, and almost always can see my way through to reason. i do not need a pair of $200 jeans. just not my style. i might spend those $200 on a good pair of shoes – i have over 50 pair still and they are carefully stored, and used gently. i treat my shoes well, even fanatically some of my girlie friends would say. but they look at my collection and often ask to borrow those silver heels with the criss cross straps!!!
my entire thought process is: i have some fun money built into my budget-thank you gail! if i need to save it to afford a certain item or vacation then i will. if not, i may splurge on a coffee at the local specialty coffee brewer. some weeks it only takes a tiny expense like that to make me feel like i’ve enjoyed a big extra. but i know too well, if i want to head back to the uk next year i better save some of that discretionary fund now (and more) in order to afford my vacation.
and i agree, if someone has the money to blow & wants to keep up, more power to him or her. i choose not to dig myself another hole. i choose to pay off my debt, and pursue whole-heartedly my goal of debt-free by the end of 2010. it is my choice to spend where i do, and how i do. no one else can tell me where/when/how to spend, just as i have no input into anyone else’s spending. to each his/her own. i am at peace with myself now, i am making excellent progress on my journey. i am clapping my hands for all i’m worth!!!
August 19, 2010 at 7:43 pm
inge-great observation!
August 20, 2010 at 12:08 am
Like most of you I have never heard of some of those brand names well I must be living in boonies oh well my 3 daughters will shop at the consignment stores because that is where you find all the great deals, so what if they are last season I would take well worn jeans any day, 10 years ago I bought a leather purse at our local leather shop and paid 150.00 for it I still have it a little worn but you know what alot of people have told me that my purse looks great and as for shoes I buy better quality because your feet take alot of abuse (wouldn’t you want comfort if you were carrying around excess weight LOL)
August 20, 2010 at 2:51 am
@jenn b–enjoy Jasper! I used to live there…if you haven’t already been there, I highly reccommend the bakery for their stuffed ciabattas and white chocolate raspberry scones. Definitely a ’splurge’ worthy treat!
On the Joneses–I spent YEARS trying to keep up with my Jones, in the form of my best friend. She always had just a little more -more house, more clothes, more car, etc. Then she and spouse won the lottery. So my attempts to ‘keep up’ became a joke. Oddly enough, it was the most freeing thing to have happened to me–I no longer had to stress about it not being good enough–I KNEW it wasn’t (compared to their stuff, at least), so stopped trying. Plus, I noticed that even with all their stuff, cars, house, trips, etc….they were still miserable with each other. I was surprised when my friend didn’t become a happier, nicer person–I’d always just assumed that having everything one wanted would make you happier. Hmmmm, guess not….
August 20, 2010 at 9:00 am
@ DanielC – consider going to England. Their prices might be lower. best, g.
August 20, 2010 at 11:41 am
@Tiny Potato,
I’m from Victoria and I agree about the ridiculous expectations for the real estate market. Investment properties? Try paying what we do just for a regular roof over our heads in the west-coast real estate market! Oops, and now don’t forget the HST!
Anyhow, love this post. I think, we’ve all been there at some point. I have a teenage daughter who has become so interested in brand names, it’s crazy. Now that she is working for minimum wage, she is seeing how long it takes to save up for something that is out of fashion by the time she can afford it! LOL!
August 20, 2010 at 2:42 pm
Every time I feel some sadness over not being able to buy things that other people can, I think about peace of mind I feel about being able to afford my rent, feed myself, and regularly put aside money for retirement. I feel such a sense of security in knowing that I will have a good savings set up for my old age. I will actually probably still need to work, but it won’t have to be full time, and I”ll be able to be comfortable. I also feel a great deal of security in knowing that my emergency savings fund is sufficient to get me through the likely lengh of time for me to get another job. I may never have to use it, but the peace it brings me is priceless!
I do sometimes long for things I can’t afford. But I really am very blessed. I do not ever have to worry or stress out about how to pay for rent or food or any essential bills. I feel very *safe*. That feeling is worth a hundred big cars or fancy vacations. The day that I can afford to take on payments for a big car, while maintaining my financial security, is the day I will buy the fancy car I would like.
August 22, 2010 at 12:45 pm
I’m glad I stumbled upon this post. I recently got a substantial promotion at work. I’ve been looking at our ‘little’ house and thinking of how nice it woudl be to live in such and such a neighbourhood….even if the house costs over $500k. Currently we owe $200K on our house but we will have it paid in full in 15 years. So moving to a huge house would mean at least a 25 year mortgage to keep costs down….
I would much rather be living in our nice ‘little’ 2000 square foot, 6 year old house, than in some half million dollar house and be debt free (besides our mortgage) in 3 years time. I’ll be 38 by then and will have plenty of time to sock away money before retirement.
The Jones’ can have it….
August 28, 2010 at 10:04 am
[...] Keeping Up With the Joneses [...]
October 31, 2010 at 8:42 pm
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