The Culture of Immediacy
Posted by Gail | Filed under Life Lessons
People have no patience, y’know. Young people graduating from school think they should be able to get The Job right off the bat. People buying a home for the first time want a place that’s bigger and shinier than the home they grew up in. And as for luxury vehicles… how can anyone just starting out think they deserve to drive a car that sets them back $650 a month or more?
In our culture of immediacy we are urged to download INSTANTLY and get what we want ON DEMAND. We drive-thru to get our food fast. We substitute movies for books so we can get to the end of the story in two hours or less. If we get to a web page that takes more than 20 seconds to load, we move on. And if we have to wait in a line, we tap our foot and huff and puff because things are just taking too long.
I caught myself complaining about the traffic in Brighton a few days ago. It took me about 2 minutes to make a turn because of “all the cars” going by. This is in Brighton. OMG! Now, I don’t usually get into a flap over traffic. And when I drive in Toronto I make a conscious effort to stay chill. I think it was because I was home in my small town where I didn’t expect traffic that it had an impact on me. But, let’s be real, what’s 2 minutes in a life? Time enough to admire the neighbours’ lilac bushes in full bloom. But not so much time that you have to get yourself into a lather about all the time it’s taking.
Our tendency to be impatient and our skewed sense of what constitutes a “reasonable” amount of time spills into how we manage our money. We want stuff and we want it NOW. The very idea of accumulating some cash to buy a thing is foreign to us. Why wait when we have a perfectly good credit card with some room available to satisfy our Immediacy Itch.
Sometimes it means we give up too soon because everything doesn’t fall into place tickety-boo the first time we try. Like living on a budget. There are folks who throw up their arms because the numbers aren’t working from the get go.
And then there are the people who leap into investments they know nothing about, or don’t have the risk tolerance for, simply because they don’t have the patience to watch their money grow slowly.
Most worthwhile activities take time. With some time, budgets can be finessed. With some time, investment portfolios can smooth themselves out. And with some time, you can accumulate the money you need for that family vacation and come home without worrying about a credit hang-over.
The next time you hear yourself saying (out loud or in your head), “that’ll take too long” stop and take a breath. How long is too long? And what are you losing by not waiting?
Waiting for things to go on sale means you can anticipate getting a bargain. Waiting to be sure that the thing you think you want, you know you want means you’re sure you’re using your money wisely. Waiting for the next part of your life to start unfolding as opposed to rushing to the next whatever means you can enjoy where you are, not just where you’re going.
One of the key differences between people who can’t wait and those who can may be the sense of deprivation some people feel when they can’t scratch their itch immediately. Those who can wait feel anticipation… they enjoy the not-quite-there-yet feeling, imagining the potential pleasure they’ll derive and looking forward to bringing their wish to fruition.
Waiting is an important lesson to learn. It can be hard sometimes. But waiting gives us the time to evaluate whatever it is we want against all the other wants that will crop up in the meantime, so it makes us better at prioritizing. And if we learn to enjoy the pleasure of waiting, we can revel in our anticipation right up until we scratch the itch.
July 30, 2010 at 6:54 am
I’m waiting for the 2011 Ikea catalogue to come out here in the UK! I am so very very excited, because I get such a kick out of flipping through the pages and dreaming. The USA version is out already online, and I’ve had a peak, but it’s not the same as a lazy Saturday morning on the couch with a cuppa and a pen. This is also the first time in years that we actually are buying furniture, for the new house, and that just adds to the anticipation. I’m planning on dragging out the furniture purchasing as long as I can, maybe even till Christmas, just to stretch out the fun and enjoyment.
July 30, 2010 at 6:54 am
haha … was that a Freudian slip of “peak” for “peek”?
July 30, 2010 at 7:11 am
Have fun Allison! I too love the IKEA catalouge and I will flip through just for fun, never really buying anything from it.
Thanks for another great post Gail!
July 30, 2010 at 8:00 am
Amen to that!
It took us 2 years to save up enough money, then to find a decent sale on flooring. In the meantime, we lived with an entire house ‘decorated’ in Dollarama stick-on tiles (by the previous owners). We keep joking that it’s a good thing we waited so long, or else we wouldn’t appreciate it the way we do now!
Remember, it’s not always us young’uns who are to blame. My fiance’s mother has never approved of our house. It’s in a bad neighbourhood, or it’s too shabby-looking… the criticisms never stop, and she refuses to visit lest her vehicle be broken into. Some parents tend to forget that they had their start in lower circumstances, so they pressure their children into living like they do, or make their accomplishments feel inferior. Fortunately my guy’s got a good head on his shoulders, and has learned to take it all with a grain of salt and to count his blessings wherever they may lie.
July 30, 2010 at 8:05 am
Another key area of our lives that this holds true for is weight loss…so many folks NEED to lose weight (like they NEED a budget for money they also need one for food)….yet they only want to do it if it can be done without changing or reducing what they eat with NO excercise…there is no magic way of doing it…any major lifestyle change takes patience and perseverance with support and guidance along the way…one day at a time is a much better way to live then just living for the “moment”…there are alot of moments each and every day…enjoy them ALL…even the slow ones….
July 30, 2010 at 8:56 am
I’m waiting for a honeymoon that my wife has been dreaming of for a long time. We’ve planned to go in December. Now we just have to continue to save our pennies and wait till the time comes to board our flight.
regards,
Jason
July 30, 2010 at 9:09 am
I was nodding all the way through this blog… I remember a few years ago an older person said to me, “when I was young, people said ‘we’re saving up for X’, now you hear young people saying, ‘we’re paying off X’ “. I thought that was an astute observation that is quite telling of one key difference between how generations manage their money.
I was taught to save up when I was a kid, starting with using my allowance to buy my My Little Pony a kicky outfit (in retrospect, I wonder why a pony needed clothes, but it seemed important when I was 6). I was so excited to take my quarters to the cash register at Woolco, pay the cashier myself, and then go home to put that sparkly pink top and jean skirt on my favourite pony after saving up for what seemed like forever (it was probably a 4 or 5 weeks, but when you’re 6, that’s a really long time!) I doubt it would be such a vivid memory now if I’d bugged my mom for it and she bought it for me. The lesson stuck, and I’m glad. I know lots of adults who missed that lesson when they were 6, and are struggling painfully to learn it now. Thanks Mom and Dad!
July 30, 2010 at 9:25 am
I remember years ago seeing ‘The Price is Right’ show where the host, Bob Barker, asked the contests to jump up when one full minute was up. The first person jumped after about 15 seconds…the second person jumped ater about 20 seconds…and the third person jumped at about 30 seconds. It showed me how this ‘immediacy bug’ has infected so many of us.
And like psychsarah – when I was a kid, I saved all my allowance – filling up my Yogi Bear bank for various ‘treasures’ (e.g. a pogo stick, a scooter, a unicycle, perfume for my grandma). It took perseverance to ‘get there’ – but ‘feeling’ how full my Yogi Bear bank ‘grew’ kept me going and finally getting to my goal.
July 30, 2010 at 9:27 am
This need by many to have everything now is what gets people into such difficulty. No longer is a starter home the way to begin – it must be the big house, in the right neighbourhood, with all the bells and whistles. The car must be a big SUV or must make a statement and awe others. Can’t start at an entry level job – need the funds to lead a fancy lifestyle.
I also like to browse the catalogues and plan for future purchases. It’s fun to clip magazines for decorating ideas and keep wish lists while saving the funds to pay in full at time of purchase. Sometimes by the time you have the money your tastes have changed and by waiting you have avoided regretting impulse buying.
July 30, 2010 at 9:32 am
I do much better at it now than when I was younger. It has taken me 6 months to save enough to get my partner’s professional art photos framed for our home – years ago I would have put that on credit…
It has taken me 3 months to lose just 15 pounds – years ago I would have given up after the first month. But, like this “Gail community” we have a weight watchers group at work, and we give each other encouragement and support through the work week and it seems to be successful. Now I am happy that I am just losing, instead of gaining and think about how long it took me to put the weight on, so losing it will take time too.
Patience I guess is something we gain with experience?
July 30, 2010 at 9:38 am
MP – the wait to gain weight is pleasurable.. the wait to lose it is not so much..
July 30, 2010 at 10:08 am
Oh my goodness Gail, I’ve been reading your blog daily and watching your show for a few years now, and I never realized you live in Brighton! That’s my hometown! Beautiful place eh? What a small world
July 30, 2010 at 10:19 am
Funny how this post comes out when hundreds of people are lining up for the newest Iphone (and willing to drop hundreds of dollars for it…geez). I like Apple, but I shall wait for an iphone (and Ipad) until I can afford and the issues are fixed, haha.
I work pt at a grocery store and people can be so bloody impatient waiting in line at the checkout. One guy had a flip out on one cashier because she was helping the previous customer pack her groceries. He couldn’t wait a minute or so and left all his groceries on the belt. I deal with people all the time who cannot wait for anything, they are always in a rush. They seem so upset and agitated that I wonder “hmm are you going to have a heart attack one day because of all this stress”.
July 30, 2010 at 10:33 am
I still get great pleasure letting the person behind me in line – with only 4 items – go before me. Sometimes they say thanks, but most do not. That is okay – I let them pass for me not them. It applies to driving home as well – sometimes it is much safer to let the guy behind go by.
Some days it is very easy and other days it takes more work – My son says: a big smile confuses an approching frown! Have a great day!
I have been working on taking life a lot slower and smiling more.
July 30, 2010 at 11:03 am
This is a great post. I am presently learning the difference between patience and procrastination. I gave almost everything i have to goodwill,in order to redecorate. I thought…go slow..and purchase each with cash. The only problem with my grand idea…..it has been six months, i have no furniture to sit on…and my dawg and I eat on phonebooks….sigh…..forgot that my lack of designing skills could hinder me…..but I have the cash…when a designing fairy arrives.
July 30, 2010 at 11:11 am
This was one of my favourite posts. I think we all just need to learn how to relax.
July 30, 2010 at 11:15 am
I am leaving in a few days for a 2.5 week vacation in Central America – fully budgeted and paid for of course – that has been in the planning stages for about 5 months. It took about 3 months to pick the trip I wanted to go on and then the rest of the time has been spent getting ready for it.
The preparation has been so much fun! Making lists of what I need, what I have already, shopping for what I need (and normally I hate shopping) – it is all part of the experience. And now that it is almost time to go, I feel like I am adequately prepared and have had the time to get ready so there is no last minute panic. I can just go and have fun!
There is so much more satisfaction in waiting and anticipating something….
July 30, 2010 at 12:48 pm
NB’s post brings to mind the simple fact that people will take five months to plan a trip, but don’t want to take the time to prepare a budget to repair their financial life. We want it fixed now! Last week was the local Quilt Show in the Park – a beautiful sight! Wandering around, admiring other’s handiwork, it was interesting to listen to the comments. While a lot of people around here are crafty, and obviously a lot of people there were the contributors, the bulk of the comments were about the time investment, patience involved, and of course the money for the fabric/patterns. ANYTHING worthwhile takes time and patience, that is what makes it so beautiful, meaningful, memorable, and treasurable. There is as much time invested in choosing complimentary fabrics for a project and cutting your pieces as there is in piecing the top. Then there is the time invested in properly quilting the finished piece to show it to advantage. If you ever wonder why a quilt could be worth upwards of $1,000, just think about what goes into it. Or, like a co-worker, you could just go to Walmart, buy fabric that looks like someone pieced patches, make a sandwich of batting and backing and call that a quilt!! Babies take nine months to ‘make’, and the waiting is part of the plan: preparing our bodies to stretch to accomodate the growth, and the birth process, the home preparations, etc. We don’t gain 20 pounds in two weeks (I hope) so why should we expect to lose it that fast? I recollect back to my sister’s disgust when my first full year of employment in a unionized workplace saw my annual earnings almost equal to hers after her 30 years in government employment. While I can commiserate with her, I am personally glad that I benefitted from other’s efforts in that progression. Life is about change – I just filed my EI report online. Took less than 2 minutes, where ten years ago, doing it on the phone took ‘forever’! With all our efforts to streamline our lives and the tasks that make ‘the world go round’, is it any wonder we get impatient when we have to wait five minutes to go through the grocery checkout? Debbie, I love people like you who let people with only a few things go ahead, especially now that I am on crutches and only buy a few things at a time!! I also agree with other posters – the anticipation of making that purchase at just the right time, with cash, is almost as enjoyable as finally owning that ……
July 30, 2010 at 12:52 pm
Nothing like living on an island to FORCE you to wait.
Our family went up to Nothern BC for a couple weeks to visit family (Cash vacation!). Bathroom breaks and stopping to unload our prepacked meals from the cooler were the only breaks going up. But coming down we had one breakdown, forcing us to meet the locals (no cellphone reception) and take an unscheduled 2 hour break, and camp overnight in a crowded site (meeting more friendly people). Then the next day, even though we arrived at the BC Ferries terminal before 2 in the afternoon, it was past 7:00 pm before me, my hubby, our two boys and the dog loaded onto a boat home! Some people were irrate, yelling at the poor employees, some people used it as an excuse to crack open some cold-ones and have a tailgate party, but most people pulled out a book to wile away the hours of confinement in the blazing sun.
The goal was being reached…. eventually. We would get home to Vancouver Island… no hope of instant gratification or speeding the process along, or even wishing for some different outcome. I felt sorry for the impatient folks, they were tying themselves up in a knot for nothing.
The same is true for investments. Oh I WISH my long term investments looked better after more than 15 years of putting stuff in, but they DON’T and I have a LONG WAIT yet. At least I don’t have huge debt piled into that equation.
July 30, 2010 at 1:19 pm
before i had my knee replaced i ran marathons & ultras, anything up to about 100k was fair game as far as i was concerned. i had a group of girlie friends who would train with me & we spent hours on the trails, preparing ourselves for what lay ahead. if we were going to run on a hilly course, we trained on the hills. flat roads, then flat roads it was. months of preparation came down to that one day when we all toed the start line & found our way to the finish (often in various states of disrepair)! those were wonderful days and though i know i won’t be running any ultras anymore, i will be back on the roads within 6-12 months. it sounds so wonderful, as i walk carefully these days.
the same approach is how i’ve taken gail’s hints & worksheets. if my budget is working well, i leave it alone. i look at it about once a month very seriously to see if i need to do a little changing up, or once i’ve paid something off or earned an extra bit, where that money goes. it’s all in the preparation. i will meet my debt-free goal soon enough; the passage of time is my friend & i’ve come to look at my impatience as *sigh* a needless worry. i’ve proven i can run the ultras with the proper preparation, so i know i can reach debt free using the same tools.
i really enjoyed this post gail. very good reminder of patience being a virtue. i like being the person at the store who lets someone else cut in; the look on the other person’s face is what i truly enjoy…most can’t believe there’s still someone out there who will let them go ahead. like the crazy drivers, i just pull to the slow lane to get out of their way…i know i’ll get where i’m headed…it may take me an extra bit but i’ll be there.
now, about those extra 10 pounds….
July 30, 2010 at 1:24 pm
This is a very interesting subject.
My frustration is getting out of debt fast enough. I had $64,000 in student loans last November, which went down to $45000 last May, which is awesome. But now I’ve accepted the job of my dreams part time in another city. And my husband lost his job and is going to school. We make ends meet (still putting money into savings, tithing, and small savings for vacations to meet and visit family) but I’m working 7 days a week with 1-2 days off a month between 3 jobs. I’m back to only paying the minimum payment on my student loans and it’s so frustrating! Plus, I not have 2 rents, we had to buy a newer car (2007) to be able to make the trip once a week (3 hours away – need to have something reliable for the winter as well), and so our total debt is like $54,000. Feels like 2 steps forward, one back. And my job ends at the end of December, so I don’t know if it’ll get renewed or what’s gonna happen. it makes it very hard to plan for the future! I just want this debt off my shoulders so I can start saving up for “real” life like a house and baby.
Now I’m trying to teach my little brother not to get student loans, or as little as possible. He’s not really getting it
July 30, 2010 at 3:03 pm
I find myself occasionally frustrated with how long it is taking to get work done on my house or purchase furniture. The main reason is I believe in having the cash in hand before having work done or purchasing an item that isn’t a need. It is a rare occasion that I can’t pay a credit card off the same month I made the purchase. The last time I didn’t pay an item off same month was my range, and even at that I didn’t pay any interest on it due to a special they were running. I am also a big planner. I am an architect and if you plan work on your house correctly you shouldn’t typically have to pay to have work done more than once. Speaking of Ikea, much of the furniture I do have I purchased there and I get tons of compliments (everyone thinks it is from pottery barn).
Allison I also love to have the Ikea catalog in hand versus looking at it online some how it is just not as gratifying. It is one of my favorite things to get in the mail.
July 30, 2010 at 3:41 pm
I’ve enjoyed this post and the replies.
Guess I’m the third one here that lets others go ahead of me in line. You’re right – the look on their face is definitely worth it. Quite a while ago I started doing or saying three nice things a day. As time has passed, I can honestly say I’ve made a few days happier for people. It makes my day too.
I can never understand someone tailgating me and passing just to get wherever about 3 minutes sooner. It’s dangerous. I almost got hit by a pickup truck on my way home today because the young man took his eyes off the road to fiddle with something – ipod? cell phone? I’m glad I was paying attention. Scary.
I feel about 6 years old psychsarah. Almost hopping from one foot to the other. I am [this close] to being debt free and I can hardly stand the strain of waiting. As of today I have $6,000. left owing. I’m just going to play the little engine that could – I think I can, I think I can…..
July 30, 2010 at 3:43 pm
That was the perfect thing for me to read right now. I’m not so much worried about the spending, but I’m just in a pre-transition time right now, and the only thing worse than change sometimes is waiting for it.
Thanks for the reminder to enjoy where I’m at.
July 30, 2010 at 8:39 pm
I find it timely to find your article on immediacy when the Apple iPhone 4 came out today. Some people lined up for 18 HOURS! One adolescent girl waited in line from 7 pm THE NIGHT BEFORE. Another adolescent boy had his hands on a new phone that could’ve cost either $659 or $779. But the biggest idiot of them all — bought 8 phones to the tune of $6,000!!!!! Betcha he sells most on ebay. I really wish the interviewers would ask people how they paid for it and IF they could afford it.
July 30, 2010 at 8:45 pm
I take the bus or drive my bicycle to work. Drivers here are so impatient to turn right or left, they will run over a pedestrian just to be “first”. What is the rush? Only to get in an accident or get pulled over by the police, someone had that experience today for something.
I am in the process at looking to buying my 1st home. Been looking for awhile. Lining up a mortgage broker, real estate agent, and found 4 programs I can participate in. Home Buyers’ Plan, Land Transfer tax credit (Ontario), 1st Time Home Buyer and a 2nd mortgage through the city for 1st time home buyers for 10% up to 15k. It is a grant as long as you live in the home for 20yrs, otherwise, it is repayable with 5% interest.
Life is too short to be in a rush. We should appreciate everyone who helps us along the way.
July 30, 2010 at 9:13 pm
Rose: Was it a person that was on Global Tv? Someone I know bought 7 or so today :S
July 31, 2010 at 10:01 am
[...] The Culture of Immediacy [...]
July 31, 2010 at 10:30 am
Hey Gail, it’s their constitutional guarantee to enter the race called “the pursuit of happiness….”
July 31, 2010 at 8:09 pm
not a response to this post (great as usual though), but i had to share, today, my husband and i PAID OFF our LOC!! 2 years ago this month we had a 1 month old baby and put a 14 000 basement reno on our LOC. today, our daughter is 2, and we have another baby on the way in 4 weeks and our LOC is at 0!!! what a feeling! no regrets on the reno, it’s increased our living space, and will allow us to stay in our home a few more years, but the key to paying it off was to put debt repayment in our budget and throw every extra cent we had on it. anyway, it’s a great feeling, and i had to share, as Gail, you were my driving force behind getting it paid off! thanks!
August 1, 2010 at 9:18 am
Rock on Lori!
August 1, 2010 at 2:02 pm
[...] The Culture of Immediacy @ Gail Vaz-Oxlade [...]
August 1, 2010 at 3:56 pm
[...] The Culture of Immediacy @ Gail Vaz-Oxlade [...]
August 1, 2010 at 7:39 pm
Catherine-you totally can! You’ll soon be the little engine that did
Please share when you cross the “finish line” so we can all cheer you on!
August 2, 2010 at 12:09 pm
Delaying gratification is still something I have to work on. I don’t go into debt often (only for car loan, home improvements as I loathe being in debt) but getting what I want right now has meant at times that money doesn’t go into savings but into paying off in full what I put on my credit card during the month.
I am learning to wait until large ticket items come on sale. Also this week I decided that instead of buying a $120 item that I really want right now I will get it by using credit card rewards. It means I may have another 4 weeks to wait until it is shipped which is a real test for me, so yes, I am an impatient personality.
I do tend to get aggravated at tourist traffic in the summer but I’m working on that too by taking alternate routes when possible and trying to leave for work/appts earlier so that traffic hiccups don’t get me stressed. Driving with mellower music also helps me chill out.
I do not however, understand drivers who will take chances in passing etc and then end up turning off a mile or so later. What was the purpose of that? Did they accomplish anything other than terrifying other drivers and causing near accidents?
August 3, 2010 at 10:35 am
Our patience was tested this past weekend as we were visiting Toronto during Carabana, and trying to get from Fort York to Medieval Times… should be a 5 min. trek by car, only 2.5 km, and it took over an hour!!! Which would have been all good, we had the time, but these idiots that decide that they can’t wait, and start driving on the wrong side of the road into oncoming traffic, causing everyone to squeeze to allow a car into a lane that doesn’t exist was just enough to send my blood pressure rising!
We did have a great trip — went to the zoo for free! using free child’s admission coupons and cashing in Airmiles! Went to Fort York, free on weekends, and could park for free! (But less than 1/2 block away people were paying $30 to park!!!) Went to Ontario Place with free children’s admissions. All of this helped offset the cost for Medieval times (although, we bought the $35 seats — anyone that pays full price is crazy!) We visited the Old Spaghetti factory — great bang for your buck, what a neat place! And our credit cards will be paid off when the bill arrives! Great times!
Patience is required when planning a trip to get the best deals too; did lots of online searching for deals/coupons, and got the Radisson hotel for $79 per night… I think we did good!